Chapter 51 - Festival of Light

Author's Note: Enjoy the aftermath of the Deception arc... as well as the bonding with Anakin and the Bad Batch. :D

~ Amina Gila

Ahsoka knows this feeling far too well from Mortis – that feeling of icy rage prickling through her, where any calm is impossible. The Dark Side is calling to her, and while, of course, she's resisting it, there's a part of her that doesn't... care that she's so off-balance right now.

If the Jedi would stoop to this level, what else are they wrong about? She remembers how blinded she was when she gave into the Dark Side before; she won't let that happen again, but that doesn't stop the questions spinning in her mind.

Nor does it stop the icy glower she gives the now re-transformed Obi-Wan – who still looks awful, not that she cares, but he had to give up his identity as a bounty hunter because with Eval dead, he didn't have a way to continue the mission anyway – when she briefly encounters him on the way to Naboo. Maybe it's thanks to the other Council members' presences that he's smart enough to keep a distance from her and Anakin.

"How... are you two?" Padme's voice cuts through her spiraling thoughts, as they move through the crowd. It's late afternoon – the Festival will be starting that evening.

Ahsoka's jaw clenches. "Obi-Wan's alive," she all-but-snaps, "This was all a fake, that they left us out of for no reason."

Anakin hovers at her side, still silent. He still seems in shock, unsurprisingly, even if she can acutely feel his pain and... incredulity. It doesn't make sense to either of them.

Padme blinks, eyes widening. "What? Why would the Council do that?"

"I have no idea. He didn't even offer a proper explanation. Not that anything he could come up with would've been a proper explanation, anyway."

She seems no less confused. "I don't understand why they would do that," she murmurs, "I know this was for the Republic, but there isn't any reason they could not have included you in it."

"I don't... understand," Anakin agrees, subdued.

Ahsoka lays a hand on his shoulder. (She'll admit it was partly because she spotted Obi-Wan a short distance away and it just feels... No, she doesn't care if she's rubbing it in his face that they don't need him anymore, because Anakin is her padawan now.)

"Hopefully the time on Naboo will be a... break, which I imagine you both want," she offers, finally.

As if Ahsoka could even think of taking one, but she doesn't say so. It's not often that her interactions with Padme remind her of when they were once... closer. "Yeah. We should get ready for tonight."

Night comes quickly enough, and Ahsoka's grateful they have the mission to be focusing on right now. They really have no idea what the bounty hunters' plans will be.

But they don't have to wait long.

Palpatine's in the middle of giving his speech when Ahsoka senses movement nearby – a creature is reaching through the ray-shield, flipping it off. An explosion rings out, nearly throwing her to the ground, but she scrambles after them anyway, yelling to Anakin to get everyone else cleared out.

She Force-jumps onto the bounty hunter when they try to fly away on a jetpack, slashing it off and jumping free. It explodes mid-air, and they fall to the ground – likely dead.

She's already spinning away, running to deal with the other spotted bounty hunters, though it looks like the other Jedi are already handling it. The plan was sloppy, if she's being honest. Perhaps because Eval was the rumored leader, and he's dead, but at least it's over.

Though for some reason, she still can't shake the feeling that something's wrong.

With the worst of the catastrophe avoided, Ahsoka goes to join Palpatine in heading for the celebratory meal for the evening – personally, she thinks it was already quite ruined, but then again, she's been in a mood since before all of this started.

The door slides open in front of her, to reveal... What?!

"Ahsoka Tano," Komari – the newly appointed leader of the Separatists – says lightly, standing on the far side of the room. "I did not expect our paths to cross again."

It reminds her of her plans to bring the war to an end by negotiating with Dooku. Now, she realizes that probably wouldn't have worked anyway, and it certainly won't work with Komari. There is only one way to unify the galaxy now, but now isn't the time to think of that.

"Coming here was a mistake," she warns, pushing the button on her comm to signal Anakin, and lunges forwards.

Maybe this is foolish, and she knows she's not being particularly rational right now, but she doesn't care.

MagnaGuards move to intercept her first, but she makes quick work of cutting them up or crushing them with the Force, before attacking the... new Sith.

The fight carries across the room, their blades slashing through everything in the way. Komari's backing away from her now, and Ahsoka presses her attacks without hesitation. Behind her, she can feel the others approaching. But from the look of it, Komari senses it too. She lashes out, shoving Ahsoka back before sprinting for the exit.

Two more MagnaGuards materialize out of nowhere, one of them grabbing Palpatine and dragging him for the waiting shuttle, but Anakin runs into view, followed by Mundi and Obi-Wan.

Komari races for the ship, while Anakin and Mundi hastily free Palpatine. The shuttle is already taking off, before they have the chance to stop it – though they can send ships to intercept. Something tells her it won't be enough, anyway.

She can feel Obi-Wan's gaze lingering on them, without even needing to look at him.

"Come, padawan," Ahsoka says, maybe unnecessarily loudly, "We should ensure the rest of the perimeter is secure."

**w**

Obi-Wan doesn't know why he never considered what doing this would cause between them. Well, he did, but it's different now that it's... happening.

The Council had been insistent that he take the mission, even though he didn't want to. He could understand why they didn't want Ahsoka involved, given that they have no reason to trust her, though they were also insistent that Anakin was likely to tell her if he knew anything about it. And Obi-Wan couldn't say those concerns were entirely unfounded either.

But that doesn't mean he... wanted to. When Mundi pointed out that it was only his very obvious attachment to Anakin keeping him from agreeing, he couldn't well refuse. Especially not when he knew it was true.

He is too attached to him, and it's worse that sometimes he doesn't think that even bothers him. It's not the Jedi way, and he knew he needed to control it.

But... that doesn't change that he keenly remembers what it was like to hold Qui-Gon as he died, and Anakin would have felt very much the same. Maybe Ahsoka too, but he doesn't know how much it actually affected her or not. Obi-Wan hoped the way it happened would make it obvious enough that something was off about it, but from how they're both acting, he doesn't know if they actually did notice that.

Considering how... emotionally involved they would've been, he should probably have thought more into it. But still, he thought it would be... clear to them.

He needs to talk to them now, to try sorting this out. But it's not going to be easy.

Finding them is simple enough – though Ahsoka pointedly turns away from him. Anakin's gaze lingers on him a moment longer before he, too, looks away.

"Anakin, Ahsoka," he calls, stopping behind them.

For a moment, he thinks she's going to ignore him, but the Togruta finally spins to face him. Anakin remains... strangely silent. "What?" she snaps.

"I understand you are upset –"

"But you were only 'doing your duty' and ensuring the mission failed, yes, I know," she retorts.

"The Council saw no reason to risk including anyone else in it," he deflects, finally. (He wishes Anakin would say something.)

Ahsoka scoffs. "If you're just here to justify your actions, I have on interest in hearing it."

If they'll talk about this at all... waiting until it's not so fresh is probably best. "I'm not," Obi-Wan replies, shortly, "Anakin was given to you for the duration of the mission, but now –"

"No," Ahsoka all but snarls, eyes nearly burning with anger, "You can't just come back and expect everything to go back to normal. You dumped Anakin off on me, and he's staying my padawan. With how willing you were to get rid of him, do you really think he would want to go back?"

The words sting far more than he cares to admit. (Maybe because she's not entirely wrong. He did hurt Anakin, maybe irreparably, even if he was only doing his duty as a Jedi, and they... should understand that.) "This is for him to decide, not you," Obi-Wan replies instead, steely.

Ahsoka gives him a hard look, turning to glance at Anakin.

He shifts, as though uncomfortable with all the attention suddenly focused on him. "I... agree with her," he mumbles finally.

Obi-Wan doesn't know why he... expected something else. It takes him a ridiculous number of seconds to process what he's saying. "Anakin –"

"You heard him," Ahsoka spits. "He was just settling in again. I don't think we need to change that a third time. Perhaps I should've accepted him as my padawan from the start." She turns away, motioning for Anakin to follow and he does.

Obi-Wan watches them go, unable to shake how it feels like he lost Anakin too, just like he did Ahsoka before. And he can't say it's not his fault, this time, for agreeing to take that mission, and he also knows he shouldn't be so attached to Anakin, even now, but that doesn't make the feeling go away.

He can talk to him later, perhaps, when Ahsoka isn't around. But really, he can't pressure him back into changing his mind, because... he already said he made his decision, and anything more will be very obviously seen as an attachment for them both.

Although, he admittedly does have concerns about leaving Anakin with Ahsoka, because everyone on the Council already knows she couldn't possibly be a good influence on him.

**w**

It's only been a couple more days since everything happened, and Anakin still has absolutely no idea what to think about it all. Everything he went through was... for nothing. Ahsoka might've been overly blunt about it, but she's not wrong that it was unnecessary, and uncalled for. He'll never be able to forget that. He can't go back to the Temple and keep pretending to be Obi-Wan's padawan as if nothing happened.

Did his master ever want him?

Ever since Ahsoka said it, Anakin hasn't been able to stop thinking, wondering. Because what if she's right? What if... it doesn't feel like it should be possible, but Anakin can't help asking himself, anyway. What if Obi-Wan never did want him – he didn't – but what if it was to the point that he did want to get rid of Anakin?

And he doesn't understand why, because Obi-Wan never... acted like it. At least not lately. It feels like everything's changed since Mortis, but this is... too extreme. It doesn't make sense, but then again, neither does the fact that this happened. It should never have happened. The Obi-Wan he knew would... never have done that to him. It was always Obi-Wan cautioning Ahsoka that her desire for victory was destroying her purpose as a Jedi, so why would he ever do this?

He wishes there was someone he could talk to that he actually trusted, someone he could always blindly trust never to betray him. There are the clones, but not... Actually... there is someone. They're on Naboo. "Ahsoka," he asks, stumbling over the Master part of her title before leaving it off altogether. He can't imagine calling anyone except Obi-Wan that. "Now that we're on Naboo, can we see my mother?"

"Yes," Ahsoka nods, "I'll go too, if you don't mind."

She probably needs it as badly as Anakin does. "Of course, you can come."

They don't need to tell anyone, so they take a speeder and leave right away. There's no one to tell. Anakin just wishes he'd been able to call his mother ahead of time, but he doesn't know her comm frequency, if she even has one. Padme was able to tell them where she lives, and that's almost more than he can ask for right now.

Except now, Anakin realizes he doesn't even know what to say to her. She seemed so proud of him, but that was before, and Anakin... doesn't feel anything like that about himself. He must've gone wrong somewhere, though he doesn't see how or where.

His mother is living in a small home in the outskirts of Theed, where she's probably working now. She's alone out here. Is she adjusting well? Is she... alright?

One way or another, he's about to find out. The speeder comes to a stop outside, and Ahsoka climbs off first. Anakin slides after, and they approach the house together. It's ridiculous how... nervous Anakin is to do this, but he can't help it. If Obi-Wan was willing to hurt him like he did, how can Anakin be certain that anyone wouldn't? He's always struggled with trusting people, but that's far truer now.

Shmi opens the door to let them in before they even knock. "Anakin," she greets him, smiling, and he darts forwards to hug her without a second thought. He's clinging to her as if she's his last anchor to reality, and it's probably true. "Are you alright?"

"Something happened," Ahsoka replies bluntly, "We happened to be on-planet, and Anakin wanted to see you again."

"What is it?" she asks, frowning. She can obviously tell how... upset he is by this, but of course she can. She's always been able to just know.

"Obi-Wan faked his death for a mission, claiming that was somehow supposed to be more effective to leave half of the Chancellor's security team out of the plan to protect him."

"He... didn't tell you?" she repeats, slowly, disbelievingly.

Anakin shakes his head. "I don't... understand why." He doesn't think he'll ever understand how his master could have done that. Of course, he knows they're supposed to put their duty first, but he doesn't understand how this meant that, either.

"I don't understand," Shmi says, "He – he was like Anakin's father."

Anakin thinks it's the first time since all of this started that he's felt physically capable of crying, but he holds the tears back, anyway. "He was," he whispers.

"Jedi do not believe in families," Ahsoka replies, bluntly, "It's not surprising that didn't mean anything to him. Most are taken when they're so young they don't even remember their past. I know that's true about him."

"I can't believe the Jedi would do this," she objects. Anakin had always looked up to them back on Zygerria, because it was his dream to become one. Because they were his only hope of getting out. On a lesser level, he thinks she saw them similarly, once.

Frankly, now Anakin doesn't know what to think of them anymore.

"They are not what they used to be," Ahsoka replies, "I believed in them, too, until I realized all the ways they were wrong."

She's not all right with what she disagrees with them on – it hits him for the first time that now he's really going to be tangled in the middle of that, and he has no idea what that's going to mean when he's her padawan – but the Council can't be either, can they? He doesn't know what to think anymore, and he just...

Shmi is clearly angry, even if she doesn't show it outwardly much. That's always been true with her, though. As slaves, they could never let their emotions get the best of them, positive or negative.

She offers for them to stay there for the rest of the afternoon if they can, and of course, they agree. Anakin doesn't want to be around anyone else right now.

He doesn't even know how he's going to keep being a Jedi now, when it feels like he can't trust anyone or anything. And if he can't look to the Council to never make any mistakes, who is he supposed to turn to? He'll always believe in the Code, but having actual physical guidance always makes it... easier.

"I don't know what to do," Anakin admits, quietly, when he has a moment alone with his mother, "I don't know what to... believe."

"What they did was wrong," she replies firmly, "Never question that."

"I know, but... they're the leading members of the Order. If they can be this wrong, then..." It feels wrong, against everything he was ever taught, to be questioning them like this, but he can't help it anymore.

"We cannot truly follow a person," she reminds gently, "Everyone can make mistakes, and we must be able to see that. Follow what your heart tells you is right."

What that is, he doesn't know, but he doesn't know anymore if that lies with the Order or not, and that scares him most. Really, he doesn't even want to keep thinking about this right now.

"I never thought I'd have Ahsoka as a master," he says, finally, changing the topic.

"She is the one who bombed Zygerria, isn't she?" Shmi asks.

Anakin nods. "We know each other well, but I... sometimes, I do not know what to think of what she does. Things have... happened, and we aren't as close as we used to be." He doesn't even want to try explaining what happened on Mortis, to his mother.

"Then perhaps now would be the time to work out the problems," she points out. Maybe she's not wrong, but he can't help but hesitate. He can't imagine trying to get closer with anyone right now. Clearly, she quickly figures out what the look on his face means. "Don't shut people out. That will only make this... more difficult. Even if not among the Jedi, I'm sure there is at least someone you can talk to, when we are not together."

"Maybe," Anakin concedes, his mind immediately jumping to the clones. They're the only ones he still trusts unquestioningly, and maybe going to spend time with them wouldn't be a bad idea.

**w**

His mother had told him not to shut people out. He knows that, but it's harder to accept it in concept. He can't trust anyone anymore. He's too afraid to, and Anakin can't help that.

But Shmi had said that not talking to anyone would only make it more difficult for him, that holding it in would hurt him more. That everyone should have someone to trust, and he... doesn't know who that could be. He's scared to reach out to Cody again, knowing that this will be the last time he speaks to him on the same terms as before... everything happened. Anakin is leaving him now, and it hurts.

He's going to leave everything that defined him so much throughout the war, because he doesn't have a choice. Not after... this.

And there is someone – some people – that Anakin knows he's still close with, that he can trust, even if they're far away. But what would it meant to talk to them? They have a loyalty to the Republic that Anakin doesn't want to shake, though he's questioning it so much himself. He questions what the Jedi have become, and... if they've fallen, what of the Republic? Does it still stand for what it once was? He doesn't know.

Padme would say it does. That doesn't mean Anakin can take her word for it.

Anakin is alone in his new room at the Temple, just sitting there, holding his comm. Tomorrow, he'll go to talk to the 212th one last time. Tomorrow. But now, he... needs strength to do it. Shmi had told him that no matter what it feels like, there are still people who would do anything for him. And he knows they would, but he's scared to ask. To try and reach out to them.

Hesitantly, Anakin dials the frequency and lets it ring. And ring. And ring.

It'll be ringing a long time, but that's fine. He can stay here all night if he has to.

He's not sure how long it's been before the call is finally answers. "Anakin?"

"Omega?" he asks her quietly. It feels... stupid to contact her for this. He doesn't want to burden her, but his mother had told him to try. That it was worth trying. That... he was worth trying. "Are you... okay?" It's such a lame question, but he has to ask her that. This isn't just about him.

"I don't like it here," she confesses, "I want to be with my brothers."

I wish I had brothers to be with, Anakin wants to say. He doesn't. (If that's not what Cody is, then what is he? Except Anakin's about to leave him, leave them all.) "I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to call you."

"It's okay," she promises immediately, just like he knew she would. It makes it almost hurt to hear. "I understand. You're busy with the war."

"It's not," he objects. He's leaning against his bed now, knees tugged up close to his chest, much the same way he knows Omega is sitting herself. It's really a habit he picked up from her. "It matters to me. You are as important as everyone you try to help."

There are a few long moments of silence. He's not really sure what to make of the emotions he senses from her, but there's a good amount of confusion and... a bunch of other things he can't place. "That's true to you, too," she replies finally. Even the way the comm makes her voice sound doesn't destroy the softness.

He thinks immediately of how everything with the Jedi has showed the opposite, that it was never really him that mattered. That's probably exactly how Omega feels, though. "Okay," Anakin says finally, feeling very small.

"Are you alright?" Omega inquires, "You sound..."

He isn't even going to pretend. She'd see through it even if he did, and he doesn't have a reason to. "Can I talk to your brothers, too?" he asks.

She brightens somewhat, instantly. "Yeah. I'll send the signal through to them."

What would it mean to have a family, to have siblings that would do be willing to do anything for him? He can't even imagine it.

It's only a few minutes – a few minutes in which he gathers his thoughts – that the others join the conversation. "Hey, kid!" Wrecker's booming voice says, and it takes a layer off the pain crushing him.

"Hey," Anakin replies, turning on the visual function on his comm. It won't be easier to see them when talking, but it still feels less like he's trying to hide, which was the whole purpose of calling them. "I know you're busy but –"

"We're actually on Kamino right now," Hunter replies, "We won't be moving out for a few days yet."

"Is something wrong?" Omega asks him again.

He bites his lip. "Yeah."

"Related to the supposed death of General Kenobi?" Tech guesses immediately.

Anakin flinches. "I didn't... know it wasn't real."

For a moment, everyone is dead quiet.

"Ah," Tech says, "That would explain things."

"They didn't tell you?" Hunter repeats incredulously. He looks... stunned.

Anakin shakes his head. "Did you know?" he asks quietly.

"Well," Tech replies, "It wasn't hard to assume what really happened. Everyone knows how skilled General Kenobi is."

Anakin closes his eyes. "That's what Ahsoka told them. We –" He cuts himself off. Some things, he can't bring himself to mention yet. Probably never will. "We knew something was wrong," he says instead, "But we didn't really... think about it, either. But if the Jedi were willing to do this, I – I'm not even sure what I'm fighting for anymore."

"We're soldiers of the Republic," Crosshair answers, his muted shock fading to anger. In the time Anakin's known him, he's fast found that despite the clone's softness and blind loyalty, he has the hottest temper of all of them.

"Yeah, and I once thought their views aligned with the Jedi."

"Sometimes, we have to choose between what it means to be a good soldier, or a good person," Hunter tells him.

Anakin always knew that. He's always tried that. Doesn't help when he's the only Jedi willing to do it, though. But somehow, knowing that these people see it, too, and support him – it helps. It takes off the edge of the pain, though nothing will ever truly heal it.

Wrecker disappears from the hologram, returning a moment later with a black and red tooka doll. Where'd he even get that from? Anakin didn't know possessions were really allowed on Kamino more than they were by the Jedi.

"I named her Lula," the clone says, holding her out Anakin's direction. "I know you can't hold her but –"

It's the ridiculous attempt at comforting him that actually makes him feel better. "Yeah," he says, blinking back against the sudden onslaught of tears, "She's kinda cute. Did you make her?" And she is, really. Maybe it's just the fact that someone as huge as Wrecker would want something so small and soft and... childlike that makes it so adorable.

Crosshair scoffs.

"If you don't want to stay," Hunter says finally, returning back to the former topic. "Just call us, and we can... help you get out."

The most Anakin can offer him is a smile, and he glances at the other members of the batch. It's clear that they all share the same sentiment. And right now? That's more than he could ever ask for.

"Thank you," he says, "But I'll try to stay a little longer. There has to be something more I can do."

They leave it at that, but they talk a while longer, well through the night. Just long enough to remind him that... that he's not alone.

Final Notes: If you want to join our Discord to receive updates or just hang out, here's the invite link, and please delete the spaces! :) discord . gg / nqSxuz2

You can find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (which is our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes; we also advertise our SW gift exchanges on there)

And! We have a YT channel for tributes! Please delete the spaces in the link. :D youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA

Finally, if you're interested, you can submit a SW gift fic request via the following form (delete the spaces): forms . gle / rmXWtRomMMaULuPa6

NEW: We've just opened a SW Anakin-clones fic request form as well. :) (delete the spaces): forms . gle / SC5gBdwhXpTNJidr7