A/N: Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting and/ or saving this story. Here's the next chapter, it ends sort of on a cliffhanger that I felt would be better broken into two parts, this one is six pages and roughly 3500 words. Enjoy and please review!

Chapter 3: Twilight

"Sunsets are never simple. Twilight is refracted and reflected but never true."

-A.H.

I don't sleep with my window open anymore, it was unlocked most of the time as a flimsy lock wouldn't do much to keep away anything I was afraid of. Still, even closed, the cold from outside seeped into my bones. I slept with Jacob's old sweatshirt, though I use the word slept loosely. I know I should give it back to him, but the oversized sweatshirt was his prior to his werewolf days, so it's not like it would fit him. Still, every thought in my head that revolved around Jake had a pang of heavy guilt that blanketed it.

The next morning, after a fitful night of sleep (even with Alice's suggestion of taking flu medicine) I get ready to go back to the Cullen's. Jasper greets me with a hug, albeit strangely stiff, before we settle in the living room again.

"Where's Alice?" Apart from Rosalie, I don't think I've ever spent time alone with just Jasper, without his family.

The calm aura that normally surrounds him is strangely absent like he is unsure if I'd accept him without Alice by his side. "She had a few things to do, to make things easier for you and what not." He says. "And she knew you wanted to talk to me without her presence."

I'm not sure if I want any more information as what she was doing probably wasn't entirely legal. . . But she was right about me wanting to talk to Jasper alone.

"I have your acceptance letter here." He pushes the papers towards me.

I nod while taking the pages out of the envelope. They look legit, the page even watermarked with the Cornell insignia. My fingers trace the envelope when I put the papers back inside, noting the postmarked stamp and all. Thorough.

"You seem to be taking this surprisingly well. Your emotions are more sure now than I think I've ever felt." Jasper notes.

I shrug, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. "What choice do I have?"

"You can always say no. And we would do our best to protect you and everyone here."

I shake my head with a resigned smile. "That's not really an option." I sigh. "Can I ask you something?"

Jasper nods. "Anything. I know I wasn't a good brother or friend before but I want you to know I'm here for you now, Bella. I'm sorry, for what it's worth."

I trapped my bottom lip between my teeth as I listened to him, trying to put my thoughts into words. "Up until you left you were a great brother, Jasper," I remember our trip to Phoenix, how he was the steady, reassuring presence I needed when Edward couldn't be with me, as I trail off. I bite back my apprehension, "I guess what I want to know is if you can remember everything in perfect clarity. . . Does time still heal all wounds?"

The smile that graces his lips isn't a happy one. "Not going for the easy questions, are you?" He asks but doesn't wait for my response. "Time. . . It doesn't dull our memories, as it does for humans, but it does lend us perspective. We learn to accept and release our emotions to make room for new ones."

"But Rosalie never forgave Carlisle," I note.

Now Jasper sighs. "Please don't tell her I told you this, but she has. Whether she admits it to herself or not. Don't get me wrong, she'd rather be human, but there are fates worse than this."

"I'm scared, Jasper," I whisper, unable to make eye contact. I look down at my hands where my nails left crescent indents in my palms.

"I could take away your fear but that wouldn't help anything." He offers.

"I wanted this. I wanted to be one of you more than anything. . . And I hate that some part of me still wants this after everything."

"It's not an easy life, I'm not going to lie, but. . ." He pauses. "Did Edward or Alice ever tell you my story?"

My eyebrows draw together. "No, Ed- he said it wasn't his place."

"I was born in Texas in 1844. When I turned sixteen I lied about my age to join the Army."

"You mean the Civil War?" Like Carlisle's past, it was so long ago that it didn't seem possible for him to be standing with me now.

He smirks, "the very same. There weren't many options to move up in stature in the south at the time. I became the youngest Major in the Confederate army. My concern wasn't for the politics but to keep my family safe. I can't remember much of them, just that they existed. . . I met three vampires on my way out of Houston one night- Maria, Nettie, and Lucy. At the time the South had another war, one between the vampires over feeding grounds. Maria, the leader, was creating an army and changed me. . . It wasn't pretty. See vampires live differently in the south, only coming out at night and fighting each other for control of territories with larger human populations so that they won't have any competition in feeding. The human war also helped this, because the bloodshed between humans concealed the bloodshed by vampires. It was my job to get rid of the newborns that had, uh, served their purpose. I had the help of a friend, Peter. One night we were calling the newborns in one at a time and when I called for Charlotte, Peter told her to run and took off after her. I could have chased them but I saw no need. He came back for me one day, telling me of the life they had in the north and they took me with them. . . I was never fond of killing humans, I felt all their emotions and it drained me. When I met Alice she told me of the Cullen's and I've never really looked back. . . Bella, it's not easy, every day is a struggle but I'm sure you understand that as much as anyone."

He was right, I do understand.

"It gets better, Bella. It may seem like it won't but it will. Regardless of the blatant lies he seems to have told you, Edward loves you. You're mates. Things will work themselves out, I promise."

I let his words sink in as I rub my hands against my jeans. What lies he means, I don't know but his resolution was contagious (supernatural or not) and I find myself nodding in agreement.

"And always know, if you ever have the urge to kick his ass, Emmett and I will hold him down for you."

That makes me smile.

I left before Alice got back from wherever she went. I'm thankful things between Jasper and I seem settled, but I can't help but still hold onto my lingering anger at my one-time best friend. It's been hard to put it behind me as I was still living it every day. I'd be spending forever with her, most likely, so a day without her was a brief reprieve from pretending we were as we were before they left.

I take my acceptance letter and packet from Jasper waving goodbye before driving back to Charlie's. My windows were down to air out any lingering vampire scent and I hope I have a few minutes to decompress before Charlie gets home.

Thankful to be alone, I go up to my room to change into something more comfortable. I leave my acceptance packet on the table as I start cleaning up the kitchen. I don't look up when I hear the front door opening.

"You should really lock your doors."

I scoff at Jake's voice, "like a locked door would keep out anything I'm afraid of."

"You're just making things easier for the bloodsucker after you."

"I'm sure if the locked door was a problem she'd just use the key Charlie hides out there."

He shrugs, we've had this conversation many times over the past few years. "So you're leaving?" Jacob asked solemnly. He just let himself in, sitting down across from me at Charlie's small kitchen table.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"And you ended this for good? You can walk away that easily?"

"None of this is easy, Jake. . . You can't understand, and I hope you never do." I take a deep breath as I turn to face him, knowing this would be the hardest part. "The feeling of realizing you can live without someone you never thought you would lose, someone so stitched into the fibers of your being that they left behind a crater-sized hole that your heart doesn't know how to fill. . . You can't move on from that, not completely, and you deserve someone who can give you their whole heart. . . something I can never do."

"So that's your reason? And the lie about Cornell is for Charlie?"

"It's not a lie." I gesture to the acceptance letter Jasper gave me, hoping it doesn't smell like a vampire still.

"Don't bullshit me, just tell me the truth." He says, his displeasure clear. "Where are you really going?"

"Ithaca, New York."

Jake obviously doesn't believe me. He takes his phone out of his pocket, the lock screen still a picture of us. He marks the number on the top of the letter and dials.

Fuck! Why is he calling? I hope they planned for this. Shit, he'd notice if I text Alice.

He sits back in the kitchen chair, the two front legs off the ground. He places the phone on the table on speaker.

Three rings pass as I'm chewing my lip raw. Someone picks up. Fuck if my heart goes any faster it will be one constant beat.

"Cornell, Ithaca campus office of admissions." I recognized the voice immediately. I never thought I'd hear Carlisle's voice again. . . Let alone be this relieved to hear it.

"I'm calling about a student you admitted."

"What's the name?"

"Isabella Swan." He says as he watches me.

"She's a transfer student, from the University of Washington, correct?" Carlisle's typing was loud enough that I could hear and I'd laugh if I didn't want to puke.

"Yes."

"What did you need to know, Sir?"

"When is she set to start?"

Carlisle types for a minute, clearing his throat unnecessarily. "She's set to start this coming Spring Semester. Classes begin mid-January."

"Thank you for your help," Jake says before hanging up on Carlisle. He looks at me, still not entirely convinced.

"What? What now, Jake?" I walk past him to the fridge, grabbing a ginger ale to hopefully settle my stomach.

"He's in Ithaca."

I choke, inhaling the drink and coughing. "What?" I ask as he hands me a paper towel.

"You wouldn't leave Forks because you thought he might come back, but now you're ready to move at the drop of a hat? What changed?"

"Nothing has changed at all. I'm doing this for me."

"So why New York? Why not any place closer? At least Stanford is on this side of the continent if you want to run off to some fancy school."

"New York is home to so many great writers, I want to be a part of that." I lie with an ease that surprises me.

"Like who?"

"Walt Whitman and Herman Melville to name two."

"Who's Herman Melville?"

"He wrote Moby Dick." The words I say are meaningless to both of us, though a small smile graces his face when I say 'dick.' Jacob is suspicious and my mind is on Alice and Jasper only a few miles away, waiting.

He's quiet for a minute, I watch as the smile falls from his face and a look of understanding comes over him. "You finally found him, didn't you?"

I glare at him. No, I don't know for sure that he'll be there, or if I'd even forgive him (if he apologizes). "No. Fuck no, and fuck you for thinking that." I'm not leaving for Edward, I'm leaving for everyone here that I love too much to put in danger any longer. I just can't tell Jake that. "My English professor said I should apply a few months ago and I did. I didn't tell you or Charlie, I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go, but I never thought I'd be accepted into an Ivy League school." I feel my face heat in my anger. "Go home, Jacob." I point to the backdoor where I know he'll run home, he didn't bring a car.

"Bells-" he starts.

"Don't 'Bells' me. Go be an asshole somewhere else."

He sighs. "Whatever. I'll call you later."

"Don't bother. I'll be busy." I slam the door shut behind him as a cathartic release. I wipe at my eyes roughly with the heels of my hands.

I retreat to my room until Charlie gets home while I get started sorting what I am taking with me. I want and need to spend as much time with him as I can. I've even been discreetly snapping photos of him on my phone so I make sure I don't forget his face when I change.

Hopefully, we won't have to fake my death right away, I can put it off for a few years. Jake would be incredibly suspicious if I die right after I leave. I'll say I'm stuck at school for holidays and summer, or some other lie until we say I died. Maybe I can even talk to him on the phone rather than just letters in the mail.

There's not much I need to take with me. I still have the one small suitcase I took from Phoenix a lifetime ago.

A list seems like a good starting point; pictures, Jake's dream catcher, and my favorite hoodie. Maybe Alice can suggest some things I've missed.

I trail over the floor of my room, looking for a pair of earrings I haven't been able to find or anything else I've dropped and been too lazy to pick up.

Once my weight hits it I realize there's a loose plank of wood under my bed near the headboard. It takes some finagling but I manage to get it off. I reach blindly, pulling the small stack of papers that rested up top. I crawl backward, bringing the papers into the light for the first time in who knows how long.

I feel my heart drop, not expecting the small stack of pictures, my unused and now expired plane tickets to visit Renee in Florida.

Fuck. My mind really hadn't done him justice. My eyes cloud up with tears as I can't help but let myself remember: my 18th birthday. The best and the worst I've ever had. My finger traced the lines of his face, he was so beautiful, more so than my weak human memories could capture. The numbness I was desperately clinging to started to fade and I felt my chest tighten, my heart was rattling the chains, trying to get out. I put the photo down quickly, turning it face down, unable to look at him any longer. Before this I had never had a family and a best friend to spend my birthday with. Renee usually forgot unless I reminded her and for most of my life Charlie had lived states away. I wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands.

I haven't been able to celebrate anything since. I've tried, but nothing feels right. No holiday cheer, no toasting to a new year.

I glare at the pictures knowing this night was the night everything went wrong.

The night I realized he valued my humanity more than my happiness. He hadn't understood that I would rather have spent one happy day with him than live a life without him. The inequalities in our relationship were blatant; he always knew best, what he says goes because what I wanted didn't matter. How I felt, the sacrifices I was ready to make, I didn't take them lightly.

Two plane tickets to Florida, one for each of us, to visit my mother. I wondered what Renee would have thought of him as I continued to stare at the meager pile of my once most cherished memories, but I still didn't have any answers. Maybe he just hadn't had time to get rid of them that day. . . but I shook my head at that thought. He had superhuman speed, he had nothing but time.

No, he had to have wanted to leave them here. But why? When he'd been so insistent that he'd never bother me again, that it would be like he'd never existed, why would he leave something of himself behind? Did he hope one day I'd find them?

Below the CD was a small envelope, my name in his elegant script. My breath caught in my throat. It wasn't sealed shut. It took my eyes a few moments to focus enough on the letters to read them and my blood boiled. It all fell into place.

That day in class, watching Romeo and Juliet with his arm slung over the back of my chair. "I care the most, because if I can do it. . . if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe. . ."

I argued then, but didn't really hear him. I didn't grasp what he was trying to tell me.

He lied.

He lied.

He'd left to protect me. From his world, from him. I'd been so long in the dark, I was squinting now against the light.

He loved me.

Things I'd been too distracted to see before came back; the press of his lips against my forehead as he'd said goodbye - how they'd lingered.

He loved me. Well, his own twisted version of love. In my version of love you don't hurt someone as he hurt me, you don't break them to the point that they couldn't comprehend the thought of you coming back. You don't play on their fears and make them think they were never good enough for you.

The anger became fury as I realized just exactly what he'd done to me, to us, to himself. Well, I'm not angry at the pain he caused himself, he deserved every ounce of it.

I grabbed my hairbrush from the nightstand and threw it at the door, following it with a book resting on my nightstand that I never opened and then my left sneaker. I was thankful I was alone as I buried my face into my pillow and screamed. I could kill him. And he was out there, somewhere, with a broken heart, knowing he'd hurt me, knowing he'd played on my insecurities, and believing that I thought he didn't love me. I could kill him and he was out there, somewhere, with a broken heart, knowing he'd hurt me, knowing he'd played on my insecurities, and believing that I thought he didn't love me.

If what Jasper said is true, and Alice as well.

I realized Alice knew, she saw everything. Even if she was only able to see me before Jake changed, she was so attuned that she had to see. She had to see what his leaving would and did do to me. She's seen me suffering and hurting and done nothing!

With new resolve, I grabbed my car keys and tore down the stairs, barely pausing enough to grab a new pair of shoes, my jacket and to scribble a note to Charlie telling him dinner was in the oven.

Was it only yesterday that Alice and I were sitting in their living room talking?

"W-will you tell me about your family? How are they?"

"They're your family too, Bella."

"You all made it very clear that that was not the case, Alice." She starts to protest but I shake my head. "Whether that was your intention or not, it's what happened."

A/N: To be continued, please review. And if you like this story you should check out my other current work-in-progress story "If I Get Burned."

Summary: Post New Moon. The ramifications of the Cullen's sudden departure reach far deeper than anyone realized. Every action, even well-intentioned, has consequences. In the end, family is sometimes all we have. The danger is never far. Is damage past the point of repair? The Cullens work to convince Bella that she belongs in the family she thought she had lost forever. BXE Canon Pairings

Thanks for reading.