A/N: The much-anticipated reunion chapter (part 1). All the Cullens are back and Bella's in New York. It's thirteen pages right now, and over 5700 words. I have so much I need to do but I finished this instead, hope you like it. The next update from me will most likely be for If I Get Burned.

CH 10: You All Over Me

I didn't know how I would react when I saw Carlisle again, but having to stop short because I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes was not how I expected it to go.

Carlisle brings me tightly into his arms and I can't help but draw similarities to when he found me in Phoenix after I met James. His arms are just as comforting as I remembered and were strong around me like I was wearing armor. From the moment I'd met Carlisle, I'd wanted to be in his family, although I may not have realized it. Carlisle reciprocated my hug just as eagerly, his arms wrapping around my tiny frame; one hand coming up to stroke my hair as I fought off the urge to sob.

I was aware that Carlisle was whispering words meant to soothe but all I could concentrate on was the feel of the icy embrace that began warming my heart. I felt some of the anger from the past melting off of me when he told me: "I've missed you so much."

I wanted to shout, yell, curse, and scorn him. I wanted to call him names, and break down like I had so many times, but this time at his feet and let him hold me, comfort me. Let him be my father as he had once been, but I couldn't. "I've missed you too," I said truthfully, though the word was so insufficient it was nearly a lie.

When we pulled apart he kept his hands on my shoulders, a warm smile on his face. He looked at me with kind golden eyes and I felt as if he was looking through me. He didn't let me go when we turned to leave, Alice and Jasper ahead of us with the luggage.

"Have you ever been to New York, Bella?" Such an innocent question, and one I'm sure he already knew the answer to.

"No, I've never traveled to the northeast before," I answer, my mouth dry as I try to form words. The closer the doors to the outside came, the more my hands started to shake. I shoved them in my sweatshirt, letting the sleeves fall past them as I tried to hide the anxiety I'm sure everyone realized was taking over me.

Meet you back in the wreckage.

Right where you left it.

Wishful Thinking - Gracie Abrams

I spent most of the drive staring out the side window, watching the scenery flash by at high speed. The car was strangely quiet for Alice being here. She talked softly, telling Carlisle what she brought from Forks while I sat silently, not saying a word. There would be enough time for talking when we reached the house.

"We're home," Carlisle says, breaking me from the cage in my mind. Home. Edward's home. Everyone's – But was it my home? Would they still want me? Had they ever? Regardless, I lived here now with them. The questions died down when I saw the house for the first time.

The house, though similar in size to their Forks' house, is clearly a New England-style home with a steeply pitched roof with only a little eave overhang. We pull around the large circular drive, past the side-gabled entrances until we reached the front.

Carlisle pulls the car up to the front door rather than the large garage I see in the distance. The snow has been cleared from the path and I know it was done for me. My heart is in my throat but putting off this reunion for a few more moments won't help.

Carlisle opens the door for me, offering his hand while I sit in the backseat worrying my lip. I take his hand but don't keep it once my feet are squarely on the ground.

I climbed the porch steps anxiously, taking my time on purpose. I was in no rush whatsoever to go into that house and face whatever was to come.

I follow behind him as he leads me inside, not letting myself stop and overthink anything. He opens the front door, one of two soaring white wooden doors with elaborate door knobs that fit easily in his hands.

I see you every night in my sleep.

Anticipating every bad dream.

Like falling with a knife, you cut deep.

You cut deep, you cut deep.

Rockland - Gracie Abrams

I don't know what I was expecting when I walked into the Cullen's Ithaca residence but they were all there, minus Alice and Jasper who are a step behind me.

They haven't changed a day and I can't help but be drawn back to the last time we were all together my dreaded 18th birthday.

I haven't celebrated since. Charlie and Jake have tried but my prior disdain for the day never improved. . . Because now I don't worry about being older than Edward, now I'm just reminded of days gone past. Past when I used to be happy. When I had a family I thought loved me as much as I loved all of them. A bright future filled with a real love most people never see.

I never wanted to move to Forks, yet here I was, across the country with my mind forever trapped in that rainy little town.

Trying to not look at him didn't do any good; I could still feel his eyes on me. Even after all the time apart and all that had happened, I was drawn to him as surely as gravity pulls a falling object to earth.

I've spent every night examining every detail from countless angles, trying to determine what I could've done differently, and always coming up with the same conclusion. Nothing. Because nothing I could've ever done would've changed the fact that I didn't deserve him. If he didn't love me, if they all didn't care for me, then there was nothing I could have done to change that.

This house was just as elegant as their home in Forks, as warm feeling as it used to be. The colors were slightly darker with a more nautical theme, it fits the area well.

When I could avoid it no longer my eyes finally met his. He hadn't changed a day, part of me felt like he should have. He didn't look like the past few years had almost succeeded in killing him as they had for me. The dark eyes and bruise-like shadows would be gone once he hunted again, I'm sure, and then he'd be back to perfect, he was more beautiful than memory could ever have served.

His appearance before me now hurt much more than his absence. The last time I had seen him like this, as real as he'd ever be, he had told me he didn't love me, that he never did. I wasn't good enough for him or his family. Even if he didn't truly mean it, which I was still undecided about, it was bound to be a painful reunion, though I couldn't have imagined how painful.

"My Bella." He whispers the words like a sacred prayer.

His? I've never wanted to hurt someone so bad. Hurt him as he hurt me. And worse yet, a part of me wanted nothing more than to jump in his arms, locking mine around him so we'd never have to be apart again, and I hated it. I stared into his eyes, pitch black with dark circles underneath them, afraid to move and lose him once more because even with all the pain this reunion was resurfacing, saying goodbye would be infinitely worse.

I can't force myself to make a sound, to respond in any way.

"Bella-" his voice cuts through me like a knife.

My mind hadn't done him justice. Edward walks forward reaching for me but I step back.

My chest felt gutted. The anger suddenly overwhelmed me and my vision turned red. I couldn't fight it. Before I even realize what I was doing, far too fast for anyone to articulate, I pull my fist back and punch him in the face. I feel something break with a pop and the pain is instantaneous. The new pain is a welcome distraction.

I know that my hitting him wouldn't do anything. I've made this mistake before when I punched Paul. . . (Twice). But obviously didn't learn my lesson with the last hand brace.

"Fuck you." I cradle my fist to my chest but the pain in my hand is the last thing on my mind. My chest hurts, the edges raw and aching.

Edward shifted on one foot, hesitating, uncertain. His hand went to his face where mine had just been. He looked so young, so human with his shoulders hunched, and a thousand expressions fighting for dominance on his face. It was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him.

I could feel every ounce of the distance he had put between us, my breath ragged as I watched him. I secretly marveled at my own audacity. Being away from him had shown me just how much power he still held over my head and my heart.

There's a silence in the room for a moment too long. . . Then Rosalie breaks it. "Well, it's about fucking time." She mutters.

Emmett laughs loudly, pushing past Edward to give me a hug that I don't return.

I shake out my fist, though the pain is bad I'm sure nothing major is broken. And I'll be dead in a few days anyways.

"How've you been, Baby B?" Emmett asks, ruffling my hair.

I didn't want to answer him. What did he expect me to say? I glare at him. "How've I been? Really?" I scoff. "Fuck you, too." I reply, not realizing until this point what even Emmett's sudden departure with no goodbye did to me. "How've I been? The reason I'm here is that you all left me unprotected against a crazed vampire intent on torturing me because you guys killed her mate! How have I fucking been?!" The last words were muttered under my breath. Did he want me to summarise the last four years for him in neat, clever sentences? To tell them what their leaving had done to me? What I had felt as every member of his family had abandoned me without as much as a note? I had no answers for him.

Rosalie laughs. "I like this Bella. Where was this backbone four years ago?"

"I think I was too afraid you would leave to stand up for myself," I tell her before turning my attention back to Edward and Emmett. "Don't smile like that and ask me how I've been, like the past four years were a walk in the park. Don't you say you've missed me when you don't want me again. I can't. I can't do it. You don't actually care, you all made that glaringly obvious, and I can't go on pretending you didn't hurt me." I shake my hand out, willing the pain to go away but like my fist, no part of me remained unbroken.

"Bella, would you mind?" Carlisle approaches, gesturing to my hand.

I shrug in response and let him take my hand, pressing softly along my knuckle that already seems to be bruising.

"I don't think anything is broken, but you might have sprained your wrist." He says. "You had screws implanted here, you've broken this a few years ago?"

I know he already knew what my answer would be. "Yeah. . . I, uh, injured it and then, um, broke my radius further b-before it finished healing." I admit.

"How long ago was this?" The Doctor in him was intrigued.

"Three and a half years, give or take," I answer softly.

"Previously breaking a bone leaves it weaker and prone to repeated breaks. You got lucky this time, Sweetheart."

"It's fine, Carlisle. I've dealt with worse, it's not the first time I've hit a mythical creature, and I'm sure it won't be the last time."

"Details, Bells. You can't say something like that and not give the details." Emmett urges.

I roll my eyes at his antics. "I punched a werewolf in the face. . . Twice." I admit.

"Bella, I would like you to ice your hand and let me wrap it for you. It will only take a minute." Carlisle offers.

I look towards my once pseudo-father and nod. If it would make him happy I can deal with the minor inconvenience. He smiles before he flashes away.

"You must be exhausted, Sweetheart. Are you hungry? Do you want anything to drink?" Esme asks. "I went shopping yesterday when Alice gave us the news you were coming."

"I'm fine. Alice got me a big coffee at the airport and I'm used to going on little sleep. . . I guess water would be good if it's not too much trouble." I feel strange requesting anything from any of them but I know this is how she cares. I don't want to hurt her, even after everything.

Carlisle was back a few seconds later and the pressure of the wrapped bandages helped counteract the pain.

Esme came and handed me an open water bottle in my uninjured hand.

"May I suggest if you were to try this again, wait until after your transformation." Carlisle chided softly, a smile on his lips.

"Then you can do some real damage," Emmett added.

Have you seen how my life's been going?

'Cause I've been wondering what you'd say.

Would you have told me to keep going or would you say to walk away?

Chicago - Louis Tomlinson

"I lied," Edward spoke, breaking the heavy silence.

"Yeah, you're good at that." I sneered, and when Edward winced at my words I was overwashed with an equal sense of satisfaction and a little touch of regret. It felt like I was of two minds like my body and soul were battling against each other. I wanted to see Edward hurt, to see him experience even a fraction of the pain I had endured over the last few years. I also never wanted to see him in pain, I wanted to protect him from the worst of the world. "I thought I was your mate," I tell him.

"You-you are" Edward replied quickly, anxious and confused.

"Have you" I paused, "seen your brothers or Carlisle treat their mates this way, ever?" I mindlessly gestured to them.

He sighs before he speaks again. "I lied to you. You believed me so easily-" he started.

"Don't," I cut him off. "I-it never made sense to me, that you could love me."

"I didn't know what to do, it all seemed so hopeless. And I thought if I left then you would be safe. . . from me, and the danger you put yourself in every time we were together." He pulled his hands away and looked at me and the pain in his face was rough and raw and heartbreaking. "I thought lying would be the only way you would let me go, if you thought I didn't want you anymore-" his voice cracked on those last words and his face crumpled.

"Edward-" I started to cut him off.

He shook his head asking me to let him continue. "Regardless of my intentions, I was arrogant and cruel. I won't ask your forgiveness, what I did was unforgivable, but if you let me I'll spend the rest of forever trying to." He sighs softly, running a hand through his messy bronze hair. "I hurt you. I hurt everyone I care about. You deserve better. I want to make this right, Bella. It killed me to hurt you like that. I thought I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant a seed of doubt in your mind."

"Oh, I'm sorry that was so hard for you." The sarcasm in my voice is thick. "It killed you?" I echoed. I thought I heard a pained grunt at my words. "Why would it have killed you? You left voluntarily. You weren't the one left behind!"

"Bella, remember when James was hunting you and you had to leave to protect Charlie?"

"Yes, but-" he cut me off.

"And do you remember that he wasn't going to let you leave and you had to think of a way to get him to let you go?"

I nod cautiously as if I could tell what was coming.

"Do you remember the things you said to him? Things that you knew would hurt him, but it was the only way to get him to let you leave and keep him safe. I felt like I was doing the same thing when I said those things to you that day in the forest."

I didn't respond, I didn't know how to.

"Don't you see? I lied, I had to lie. I knew it was the only way you'd let me go."

"It's not the same. Everything I said to Charlie was because James was listening! Do you think I would have hurt him like that if I had a choice? If James wasn't there then I wouldn't have said that, I would have thought of some other way- some other lie- it's not the same!"

"I just didn't expect you to-" His voice trailed off.

"Didn't expect me to what?" I pressed.

"To believe me so easily."

"Oh, it's my fault because I believe you?"

"No, of course not, that's not what I meant!" He backpedaled, then sighed. "Bella, after all the times I told you I loved you and that I wanted you. . . How could you ever doubt my feelings for you?"

"Jesus Christ, Edward. I believed you because that's what you told me! What reason would I have to think you were lying? When I lied to Charlie, he could chalk it up to teenage angst or hormones or something. I never said that I didn't love him or that I didn't want him as a father. . . But when you said those things to me in the forest that day, I couldn't think of any reason why you would say them other than that they were true. I read your stupid letter and still can't see why you would say those things. All I knew was that you said you didn't want me, you never did and that you promised I would never see you again. Then you took your entire family, including my best friend, and left. Up until then you'd never outright lied to me, I mean in the past you left out some details, but you had never lied right to my face. Not about us or how you felt about me. It never made sense for you to love me anyway so how was I supposed to know you didn't mean everything you said?" I sigh, angrily wiping my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I know nothing I can say will ever be enough to make up for the pain I- we caused you. It's like you're our missing piece. . . They all fought me when I told them we had to leave you in Forks, but they did it for me. They told me that the family felt. . . broken and incomplete when we left you in Forks."

"Then why didn't you come back? Why did you take them away from me?" I asked quietly. "Your family," I clarify when he doesn't answer right away. "Why not at least leave me them or some way to contact someone? Did you really think that when you left every other vampire would, too?"

He sighed. "At the time, I thought it would be easier if there were no reminders of me or of the life we had together."

"Well, that was stupid, really stupid. You only made it harder for me. When you left, you took everything. You leaving me was hard enough, but I also lost my best friend in Alice and the family I'd come to love. I was lost."

Neither of us made any sound for a minute, our words lingering heavily in the air between us. I didn't know what to say.

"If you didn't want me to be a part of your life you should have thought of that before we were together. It wasn't a normal fucking relationship from the start." I take a shaky breath. "You've never thought that I could possibly love you as much as you love me, have you? You thought that when you went away I'd just forget about you as if the way I feel about you is some schoolgirl crush."

He nodded, the pain in his dark eyes reflecting the pain in my own. "Human memories are so fragile and I thought-" he trails off with a sigh. "It doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong, so wrong, I never should have doubted you. I would take it back if I could, do things differently if I had a chance." Edward stood up. He pulled an ottoman over and sat facing me. I didn't meet his eyes. "Bella." His voice was sincere, "the time we've been apart has been the most painful time of my life."

I set my jaw but waited for him to continue. When he didn't, I said, "Hard? It's been hard?"

"More than I could have ever imagined."

"Edward-" I couldn't believe it. "Edward, you left me. You told me you didn't love me anymore. Remember?"

"Of course I do," he said. "And it tears me apart just to think about it."

"At least you knew I still loved you. You had the power to return whenever you wanted."

"I couldn't do that, Bella. It would have been—" I cut him off.

"I know your rationalization of why you didn't," I said, the note I found under the floorboard in my room was fresh in my mind, "but the point is that you could have. You knew I would take you back because you knew I still loved you. I didn't have that option. You left me alone to feel miserable and empty, and no matter how unbearable it got for me, I could never come after you. No matter how prevalent the danger you introduced me to still was. So don't tell me it was hard for you. You have no idea the hell I've been through." I tell him. "Four years. It's been four years!" I abruptly change the course of the conversation knowing we'd only be going in circles. "I'm not mad you broke up with me. . . Well not until you told me it was all a lie. I'm pissed at what you put me through. You have no idea Edward Cullen, none." Don't cry. Don't cry. "From the second we met, you made all the decisions, you called all the shots. I barely got a say in anything and I'm tired of it. I deserve better than that. It's my fucking life and I'm done not having a say in it."

"I'm sorry. I know that doesn't begin to cover it, but you have been in my every thought since the moment we met." Edward starts. "It was hard. I fought every single day whether I should give into my selfish desires to go back home and beg for your forgiveness."

"Four years Edward," I thought about how strange it felt to look into his eyes after all this time; he had been gone eight times as long as he had been with me, I realized. "Edward, do you honestly think I give a fuck that this was hard for you? You fought every day to stay away?" I mock him in my anger. "I didn't have that choice. I had to try and survive the world you left me in. I got a fleeting glimpse of how great life could actually be then found out I was just a distraction and you were bored with me?" I can tell my words struck a nerve. . . Or his words. Good.

I had forgotten we weren't alone. "He said what?" The phrase is the general consensus of the room. Sure Jasper and Alice had asked what Edward had said when he left, but I couldn't think them, much less speak them. . . until now.

I don't respond to them. "I don't care how hard it was for you, because you've only ever focused on yourself. You're acting like a 17-year-old boy, Edward. Unable to grasp the weight or consequences of your actions. So I'm sorry, really, that you were having a hard time dealing with the shit you made for yourself."

"What was I supposed to do Bella? I couldn't let you continue to endanger yourself to be with me! You wouldn't walk away, so I had to do something!"

My eyes flashed to his angrily now, full of disbelief that the answer to that was perfectly clear to me. "YOU SHOULD'VE SPOKEN TO ME ABOUT IT!" I take a breath, trying to calm myself down. He deserves to be yelled at but that won't get us anywhere right now, not with everyone a few steps away. "You should've told me what you were thinking, what you were feeling. Not taken it upon yourself to decide what was best for me, what was best for us. It was my life too!" I cried, my tears rolling down my cheeks again. "If you loved me like you say you did, you should've talked to me. You had no right," my voice broke.

"What did he say to you?" Jasper's voice was low, I could feel him trying to calm the room.

"You didn't tell them?" I sigh, turning from Jasper back to Edward. "I don't want to do this right now. We need to talk, really talk and you need to hear me out." I tell him. "But not right now. I can't do this right now." Edward. Always worried, always protective, always overreacting.

"Sit, I'll get you something for the pain."

"It's not that bad, Carlisle."

"She's lying." Jasper butts in.

"Mind your own business, Jasper," I mutter back as Carlisle leaves the room with a soft chuckle.

"So how is everyone?" Emmett falls into the couch adjacent to me as he breaks the silence that settled over us. I sit down on the loveseat, Alice taking the other cushion, close but not on top of me.

"Who do you mean?" I ask.

"Angela, Jessica, Mike, and all our friends from school." He amended. "What'd we miss?"

I felt my eyebrows furrow, unsure what to tell him. "Um, well Angela and Ben got married before moving to a big city. Uh, Portland the last I heard. . . Mike, he um, he took over his parents' store."

"And Jessica?"

I can't hide the shutter that rips through me, the wound still fresh even though three years have passed. I look down at my hands in my lap. "Officially?" It still hurts too much to consciously address what happened directly, when I know I could have done something more, and saved her somehow. "She's a missing person," I answer my own question.

"What do you mean officially?" Emmett asks.

I can't meet his eyes. My brows furrow as I stare at my hands in my lap. "Victoria killed her. She- she wanted me. Jess and I were on First Beach alone. She ran into me there actually, while the guys were patrolling. She, uh, she came through the water. She came for me. . . but Jessica drew attention to herself. She started calling for help even though I told her not to." There's still some anger in my words because I'm sure I could have saved her if she only left when I said. "I should have convinced her. I told her to run and not look back, but Victoria went after her so there wouldn't be any witnesses. She killed her right in front of me and there was nothing I could do." My fingernails cut into my palms as I clench my already partially injured hands. As if the physical pain will cancel out the mental.

"Bella-" Edward's voice is pained again.

"No. I tried to save her, begged Victoria to take me and leave her. . . B-but I was too late. Jessica's screams alerted the pack but they weren't close enough. They didn't make it in time. Victoria, she took off through the water. Jessica was dead by that point and Victoria took her with her."

"I had no-" I can tell Emmett feels terrible for bringing it up but it wasn't really his fault.

"No, I know. How could you know?" I sigh softly. "Her parents reported her missing a few days later. Mike blames himself because they had a fight right before. . . She wanted to go to college someplace down South and Mike didn't want to leave because of the store. . . She just found out she was pregnant a few days before and Mike proposed. . . He's been in rehab on and off for the past few years now."

"I-I didn't know. I'm sorry."

I shrug. "Sorry won't change anything." If so she would be back, or I would have been in her place. "You didn't know." My voice didn't even convince me. "You didn't care to think of the repercussions of your actions. I know you didn't know."

I stand up and walk a few paces away before turning back, eyebrows furrowed. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since it happened, and then only Jake who could never truly understand.

"Charlie was in charge of her case, b-because he knew we were friends. . . I had to lie to him, lie to her parents, that I had no idea what happened to her. I had to steer him in the wrong direction in case- not in case, it was just a matter of time before she returned and I tried to keep him as far away from Victoria as possible, without becoming a suspect myself. I didn't want them to find out, didn't want them to even get close because I knew it wouldn't be long before Victoria came back for me. . . And she was willing to take out anyone in her path." I run my uninjured hand through my hair. "It's my fault Jessica's gone."

"It's not your fault, Bella. There wasn't anything you could have done." Alice insists softly as she reaches over and squeezes my hand.

I shake my head. "I could have- I should have distracted her, cut myself with a rock or shell. If I could have made myself bleed it could have distracted her enough, given Jessica a chance to run, or given the pack enough time to reach us." I reach up to wipe my eyes and curse at the pain it causes my injured wrist. "I've laid awake thinking about this enough to realize there were things I could have done." I tell them, "Charlie is convinced Mike is to blame, but no charges have been filed against him or anything."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"I wish that was the worst thing I went through," I mutter.

"We never would have stood back if we had known you were being hunted. The very fact that not a single one of us was there is your evidence that Alice never saw." Carlisle's declaration was touching but I didn't know if I could believe it.

"Do you think you could ever forgive us?" Alice asks softly, a note of melancholy in her tone that I've never heard before.

I sigh, looking down at my hands.

Carlisle speaks up, leaning forward. "We will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Obviously, us disappearing on you is not the worst thing to happen to you in the past few years. And about that, I want you to know we're here for you and that we want to support you. And by we, I mean, quite distinctly, both our family as a whole and Edward on his own. We love you, and I know you love us, too."

"Of course, I'll forgive you, Alice. . ." I sigh again, looking at the seven pairs of soft golden eyes around me. "I just don't know which words to trust anymore. I wish I didn't love you guys, it would have made the past years easier to bare but you changed me so completely there was never any going back." I turn from their gazes, my eyes finding the dark forest behind their house, it seems the day faded to night. "Just saying 'sorry' doesn't cut it after four years." Maybe sorry would be enough if it had just been a few days, but it's been too much time now.

It's bullshit when people say bad things don't kill you and only they make you stronger. Bad things break you down. That's worse than dying.

Once the last drop of rain has dried off the pavement. Shouldn't I find a stain, but I never do.

You find graffiti on the walls of old bathroom stalls. You know, you can scratch it right off, it's how we used to be. Like the dollar in your pocket, that's been spent and traded in,

you can't change where it's been.

And I lived, and I learned, had you, got burned. Held out, and held on God knows, too long. Wasted time. Lost tears, swore I'd get out of here. But no amount of freedom gets you clean,

I still got you all over me.

You All Over Me - Taylor Swift

A/N: Please Review!