Chapter 10: Monster Under My Skin
(Continuing thanks to my brilliant collab partner, SesshomaruFreak!)
Try as he might, Kisuke couldn't get Aizen's dark threat out of his mind, no matter how he attempted to think of other things or slip back into sleep. Renji still rested against him, red hair in a sexy tumble, snoring softly and occasionally muttering nonsense. Kisuke gave a quiet sigh as the threat from long ago echoed in his head again, and he had to tear his gaze away from his lover's strong, peaceful features, trying to ignore the allure of sexy black markings snaking over tanned muscles.
Damn.
He thought of his lab, how working always grounded him, making him feel centered and focused.
That sounds marvelous right now.
He carefully eased away from the bigger man, disentangling their entwined legs and gently lifting a long arm to wiggle free. Renji frowned in his sleep as his arms were emptied, and Kisuke took his own warm pillow to press it against the broad chest.
Immediately, the redhead relaxed, curling up on the pillow and hugging it tightly with a soft, happy little mumble.
Kisuke let out a shaky breath at the adorable sight, then turned and slipped out of bed in unhindered silence.
Within a few minutes, he'd secured himself a hot cup of tea and was entering his lab. The chaotic mess may have seemed disorganized and even insurmountable to other eyes, but to Kisuke, it was perfectly organized chaos.
Kind of like the inside of my mind.
He took a deep breath, then strode to one table, plucking the papers he wanted from among the stacks of other papers.
Kisuke couldn't seem to focus on the test results, his eyes running over the same lines over and over without the content registering.
Focus! Ok, the results from the variant being added... I wonder just how Aizen planned to make someone suffer - stop thinking about that! Ok, ok. So, the test with the variant wasn't as conclusive as I had hoped... Renji looked so beautiful in the moonlight.
Crap.
Kisuke growled at himself in frustration, setting the page back in its spot since he couldn't focus on it. He took a few slow breaths, then sipped some of his tea before turning to another table that held a jumble of equipment. But between thoughts of Renji, and Aizen, and the former suffering at the hands of the latter, he was so distracted that he accidentally knocked a rack of clean test tubes off the table.
He didn't even notice until the sound of them shattering on the floor caught his attention. He scowled at the mess of glass shards as he grabbed a broom and dustpan. When he had cleaned up the glass, Kisuke turned to an experiment that he'd been running for the past several weeks, but had been rather neglectful of ever since his first night with Renji.
Suddenly, inexplicably, his imagination assailed him with images of the redhead, beaten bloody at Aizen's feet.
Kisuke bowed his head, gripping the edge of the table.
"Fuck you, Sousuke," he whispered to himself as his eyes burned, "It isn't gonna happen like that. I won't let it."
But he couldn't stop the heavy onslaught of scathing images or the disturbingly mingled sounds of Renji's pained howls of torment and Aizen's calm, quietly voiced threats.
Kami…make it go away!
His heart pounded in his chest and sweat broke out on his pale skin. He couldn't seem to stop his body shaking. In his fevered mind, Renji's howls turned into agonized dying screams.
SHIT!
Kisuke's tortured grey eyes filled with tears. Distracted as he was, he missed entirely the sound of approaching steps.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Good morning, Tetsuya," the reigai greeted the half-noble as he exited the senkaimon and entered the underground training room.
"Good morning…erm…"
Tetsuya paused awkwardly, an odd feeling swelling in his chest.
"Good morning."
I still don't really know what to call him. I feel terrible for just never calling him anything. I think that even a substitute soul needs its own identity…maybe its own name.
"You look troubled," the reigai noted, "Are you all right?"
"Oh yes, it's…it's just that, well, I don't exactly know how to greet you."
"Hmm."
"The whole idea is that you're made to be a stand-in for my leader."
"Don't you mean, your fiancé?"
"Y-yes!" Tetsuya exclaimed, "I mean, he is both. But you…"
"I understand," the reigai said calmly, "and, Tetsuya, while I am not surprised to see a reaction like this in you, I want to reassure you. I do not feel hurt by this situation. I was created to be of assistance to the Kuchiki leader and to you. I do not have any regrets about this. Try not to worry about it. Let's focus instead on preparing you for more intimacy with your future husband."
Tetsuya's blue eyes still betrayed lingering anxiety, but he exhaled shakily and gave the reigai a little nod.
"I can see that the making of Byakuya's heir is weighing on you," the reigai observed, "Some anxiety is to be expected, of course, but I hope that I can help you to feel more calm about this. Still, I know that Byakuya loves you, Tetsuya. If this turns out to be too taxing for you, I think it's best that you should be honest with him."
"B-but the council has said that…" Tetsuya began.
"I understand, but Byakuya is their leader. You trust your leader to protect you, ne?"
Tetsuya's eyes closed and he drew in a slow breath and released it.
"Yes," he replied in a calmer voice, "I trust Byakuya with everything."
"Good," the reigai said, smiling warmly and moving closer to Tetsuya, "Now, today, I am going to help you to understand what is likely to be going through your fiancé's mind while you are making your child, and how you can anticipate him and even surprise him."
"You think I can take him by surprise? What kind of surprise?"
In moments, Tetsuya found himself feeling more curiosity than fear, and he plunged into the lesson more eagerly, despite his lingering uncertainties.
Thanks to this reigai, I am starting to see how much of my anxiety is unwarranted, and how it hurts both of us when I let it keep me from showing Byakuya the fullness of my love. I am so grateful, so thankful to Kisuke and this reigai for helping me.
I know now that when Byakuya touches me and looks into my eyes, he cherishes the strong connection that we share. I know that I am more beautiful to him by the day, and that he falls ever more deeply in love with me, thinking about marrying me and making children with me. I love him with all of my heart and I can accept now that I deserve to be with him. I can let the touch of his hand make me melt in front of him, and I know that the sight of it is arousing to him.
"I see you are embracing this much more readily," the reigai praised him, "You seem much more comfortable now."
"I feel more comfortable," Tetsuya confessed, coloring, "Thank you."
The reigai smiled and shook his head dismissively, "You do not have to…"
"But I do," Tetsuya insisted, taking the reigai's hand in his, "You have helped me so much and there is nothing I can do to repay you for that. Let me just…call you my friend, then, because you've been that to me."
"If it pleases you then, I am your friend," the reigai answered, giving him an amused and affectionate look, "I truly see why Byakuya fell in love with you. Surrounded as he is with obligations and strict rules, your kindness, tenderness and loyalty are everything to him."
"I'm glad to know that," Tetsuya said, smiling genuinely, "I think that things will be…"
Tetsuya
The half-noble froze for a moment, shivering at the sound of Aizen's call in his mind. In front of him, the reigai frowned and reached out to touch his face. The contact made Tetsuya blink and come back to himself.
"S-sorry, I was just distracted for a moment."
"Ah."
"Anyway, I think that things will be all right for the making of the heir. I feel much more in touch with Byakuya's way of thinking and I'm getting better at keeping myself from becoming anxious over things I don't need to."
"I am glad to hear that," the reigai responded, squeezing the half-noble's hand, "I wish you the best in your marriage. You and Byakuya deserve every happiness."
"Thank you."
Tetsuya checked the time and sighed, a small measure of his anxiety returning.
"Ah, I have to go."
He headed towards the ladder that led up into the shop.
"If it's all right with you, I would like to ask Kisuke to let me have one more session with you after the conception of the heir."
The reigai's head tilted and he gave Tetsuya a curious look.
"Do you have some lingering anxiety?" he asked.
"Oh, I might have some, but…I really want to share with you what a good thing you have done."
"You do not need to…"
"I know," Tetsuya assured him, "but I also know that you were made to help, and I want you to feel reassured that you have helped us greatly."
For a moment, the reigai's expression became one quite apart from any Tetsuya could remember his leader ever wearing.
"Kuchiki Tetsuya," he said warmly, "thank you."
XXXXXXXXXX
Renji came awake slowly, roused by a nauseous ache in his belly. He started to hug Kisuke tighter, only to realize he held a pillow and not his lover. He inhaled the scent of pine and incense, then lifted his head to find he was alone. With a sigh, and absently rubbing his belly, he slid out of the comfortable bed and got dressed in black jeans and his Red Pineapple shirt.
As it often did upon waking, Renji's mind turned briefly to his captain. To his surprise, the thought didn't hurt - there was no heartbroken longing or fantasies that bordered on torturous. All Renji felt was a soft warmth and something like fondness. It was startlingly close to what he felt for Rukia and Shuuhei and his other friends.
Smiling at the sensation, he turned for the door, eager to see Kisuke. Thoughts of the blond filled his mind, and a blaze of happiness lit up inside him. Kisuke respected him, desired him, and cared about him and his wellbeing enough to worry about him. Really, what more could he ask for?
Even more eager to see his lover now, Renji hurried out of the room, following the reiatsu he was coming to adore. He found himself at the slightly-open door of Kisuke's lab, holding his breath as he peeked in.
The blond genius stood at a table, his back to the door. Renji could see his shoulders quivering, and every protective instinct he possessed flared inside him. He stepped in quietly, shutting and locking the door before approaching the former taicho. There was no way Kisuke hadn't sensed him, but the older man didn't turn to face him.
Renji hesitated a moment before stepping close to slowly hug the blond from behind, gently wrapping his arms around Kisuke's waist and resting his cheek against shaggy ash blond hair. He could feel the tremors shaking the smaller man, but he didn't say anything, only holding his upset lover and familiarizing himself with how Kisuke's energy felt at that moment.
Finally, the trembling slowed some, and he tightened his hug as he whispered, "Hey there."
Renji heard a sniffle, the first sound the brilliant scientist had made. Kisuke turned in his arms, tucking his face into Renji's neck while his breathing evened out. Renji held him, tenderly rubbing one hand up and down his back. After a few quiet moments, the blond lifted his head to meet Renji's eyes.
Renji smiled gently, moving his hand to brush away the tears. Kisuke weakly returned his smile, the gray eyes warming when Renji dipped his head to kiss a pale cheek.
He smiled at the shopkeeper, unsure of what exactly had upset him, but wanting to make him feel better. He was fairly sure it was about Aizen, since that seemed to be the only thing he'd ever seen Kisuke get shaken up over.
Keeping one arm around Kisuke's waist, Renji gently ran the fingers of his free hand along the blond's scruffy jaw, smiling warmly.
"Listen, Kisuke. None of us are unaware of the threat he poses, y'know? He's a danger to everyone. But we've gotten stronger, and smarter. Not just you and me, either - everyone we know has been busting their ass training for this. Not only are we strong, we're also a team. We're all in this together, ok?"
To his relief, his lover took a deep breath and nodded as some of the tension faded from his features. Renji knew how to erase the rest of that tension...
Gently, he backed the former captain up to the exam table, then lifted him to sit on it and coaxed him to lay back. He took his hakamas off, seeing a flash of excitement in gray eyes as Kisuke quickly slipped out of his own and started to spread his legs.
Renji caught the pale thighs and closed them as he climbed onto the table. He straddled Kisuke's hips, seeing his surprise phase into a lustful smirk. The scientist gestured to the closest table, murmuring, "Silver vial.'
Renji reached out and grabbed it, sniffing curiously. It smelled like a campfire but sweeter. He looked at his lover curiously, seeing Kisuke blush slightly. "That's a new lube I actually created for myself months ago. I haven't had the chance to use it with anyone else."
Renji nodded, pleased that he'd be the first. Kisuke coated his fingers in the shimmering oil, then reached down. Renji moaned when the slick fingers began tracing his entrance and working their way in. The lube caused interesting sensations in his body, warmth and tingles, slick enough that two fingers easily pressed in to spread the tingling lube inside his body.
Renji moaned again, resting his head on Kisuke's shoulder while the older man worked him. His lover praised him softly, breathing against his ear, "That's it, Renji, you're doing perfect. Mmmm so warm, I can't wait to bury myself inside you."
Renji groaned, pressing against the fingers, his attempt to be quiet failing spectacularly. "Stop fucking around then, and take me!"
"Whatever you want, Red."
The fingers slid away, and Renji practically whimpered in pleasure as Kisuke pressed himself in. They both shuddered at the feeling of being connected again, then Renji slowly sat up straight, sinking further onto the powerful exile. Slowly, he began moving up and down, ignoring his own need to take this opportunity to tease Kisuke a bit. He braced his hands on the strong chest, deliberately rocking his hips.
Kisuke's teeth were clenched and bared, lips twitching like he wanted to snarl at Renji. Renji only smirked and continued his slow, teasing movements.
He saw the moment Kisuke lost control, gray eyes growing dark as they narrowed, a growl escaping the blond as surprisingly strong hands clamped onto his hips to firmly guide him into a faster, harder rhythm. Renji couldn't even think of resisting to keep up his game - this felt too good, too perfect as the older man drove up into him while pulling his hips down.
It seemed an eternity, or maybe just a few thrusts, and Renji felt himself slipping over the edge. "Ki-Kisuke!"
The blond reached up to gently grip his hair and pull him down, lips claiming his own. He whined into the kiss as it flung him the rest of the way over that edge. He came hard, his body trembling from the force even as heat flooded him inside.
Renji collapsed onto his exile lover, Kisuke immediately embracing him. As the warm arms settled around him, he felt his eyes burn.
'What the hell? I feel so good - why's my body trying to cry?'
He tried to keep the tears to himself, but Kisuke seemed to know anyways. The arms around him tightened, one hand gently stroking his hair. The former captain said nothing, though, letting the silence hold them in thrall as their heavy breaths slowly softened and their racing hearts calmed. Even once they laid, enjoying the peaceful afterglow, neither man spoke for several minutes. Finally, Kisuke found his voice again.
"You all right, Red?"
Renji smiled into the blond man's shoulder and nodded.
"I am now."
Kisuke's fingers laced together with his and the shopkeeper nuzzled the top of his head, mussing his already tumbled hair even more.
"B'sides, I should be asking you that. When I came in, I could see you were worrying about what you told me before."
"W-elllll," Kisuke chukled, "as you can see, you gave me something much better to do than worry."
"Yeah," Renji snickered.
Kisuke coaxed his lover's head out of its hiding spot and stroked a flushed and damp cheek.
"So, do you wanna talk about it? You wanna tell me why my loving made you cry? Are you hurting because Byakuya and Tetsuya are about to make their kid together? I mean, I'd get it if you were. I under…"
He broke off as Renji's rough hands curved around his face and the redhead looked deeply into his surprised eyes.
"I didn't know at first why I was crying," Renji confessed, "but I get it now."
"Yeah?" Kisuke answered, unsure why his heart had begun to race again and he felt his cheeks burning.
"It just kinda hit me…while we were all wrapped around each other, I realized that I wasn't just tryin' to find a place to put all of the feelings I had for Taicho."
The shopkeeper's eyes widened.
"Had?"
His voice cracked slightly on the word and the two men smiled and laughed softly.
"Yeah," the redhead affirmed, his lips honing in on Kisuke's, "I am fond of Taicho. I always will be, but…what I feel for you now is somethin' I ain't never felt before."
"Damn, Renji, maybe we should…"
"Nope," the redhead said decidedly, giving him a firm shake of the head, "You know that I don't fuck around with the truth and I don't play games."
"Yeah, I know. I just think that…"
"I love you!" Renji confessed, kissing him.
"Ren."
"I love you. An' I'm gonna repeat it until it doesn't scare us both t'hear it anymore."
Kisuke thought it had to be the best expression of who his lover was, that Renji followed through, lacing each breathless word with hard, passionate kisses that blazed through body, mind and heart until the moment red was all the overwhelmed shopkeeper could see and he felt the words of his response building up like a storm in his throat.
W-wait!
No, I can't.
He was grateful for the fact that Renji seemed to read his scrambled thoughts clearly, and the redhead set off another round of tumultuous lovemaking that left both men unable to speak at all. Some time later, when the smoke cleared and Renji released him and staggered off to shower and dress, Kisuke slid into his chair, gazing sightlessly at the computer screen in front of him and aching with regret.
Damn.
I really should have said it back to him.