A/N: im sorry im so slow and this chapter is shorter than i would have liked it to be but if i keep staring at it I'll never post it so HERE IT IS!!!!

Chapter 24

We were quiet again after her admission. She kept her body angled towards me, but her eyes were still fixated on the lake.

"Do you remember the first time you heard me play piano?"

"Yes."

"It was the first time I'd played for someone in so long…" She mused, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "I never thought I would do it again, after Mom left and everything."

"I do remember that. I'll never forget it for the rest of my life, actually. But…" I trailed off, and she turned to look at me again.

"That wasn't the first time I've heard you play." I confessed.

Her eyebrow arched. "Excuse me?"

"I used to listen to you play at school every day."

"What?!" She leaned in, as if she'd misheard me. "What do you mean?"

I couldn't help but laugh at her expression, at the whole conversation. It was loud and strong and very real. Bella's eyes narrowed, but the small smile appeared on her lips to spite them.

"I used to sneak out of class every single day and listen to you from the hallway."

A dozen emotions flicked across her features. Shock, anger, embarrassment, maybe even a hint of delight before she simply busted out in laughter. It was loud and strong and real, the realest laugh I'd heard from her in weeks. Since the sunrise on the rooftop early in the summer.

We laughed together for a while before falling back into that comfortable silence.

"Do you remember when we went out to play baseball with Alice?" I asked.

She nodded. "Of course."

"That was one of the best days I've ever had."

Bella nodded again. "It was a lot of fun."

"It was fun. And it was so fucking thoughtful of you, you know? It was just what I needed at the time, and you knew it. You always knew…" I trailed off.

"You're not that hard to figure out, Masen." Bella eventually replied, smirking. I smiled back, but I knew it didn't take away from the sadness in my eyes.

If she wanted to talk, we'd talk.

"I never deserved you. I know that." I said, and she opened her mouth to reply, but I held my hand out to stop her. "Please, let me finish."

She nodded, closing her lips.

"Even on that day in the sunshine, all I could think about was how I couldn't really have you. You were always like…a beacon of light for me, and I was the darkness, sucking you up. I was afraid I'd keep sucking until there was nothing left."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm a lot stronger than that, you know."

I nodded in agreement, my eyes fixed on her face. "I know, but still. It wasn't right. At least, it didn't feel right." I took a deep breath before continuing, getting to the hardest fucking part of this confession of mine. "You remind me of my mom, you know? She was so light and happy and pretty…like you. But she spent too much time with my dad, and it fucking killed her."

Bella was quiet for a long moment, seemingly contemplative, before she replied. "I thought your mom drowned in the lake?"

"She did, but she was fucked up. She was high or drunk or something, and that's because Dad took all the light out of her and replaced it with his void, and she had to fill it."

"How could you know that? You were a kid."

"It was fucking obvious, Bella."

She was quiet again. So was I.

Finally, she spoke. "I'm not your mother, Edward."

"I know that."

"And you're not your father."

I scoffed, turning my face towards the lake. Her eyes burned into mine with such depth that tears threatened to spill out of my own. I had to hold it together.

"You're not, Edward. I have met that man, and you are nothing like him."

I laughed without humor, turning back to face her. I was shocked to see a tear stream down her cheek. I couldn't help it- I reached out and caught it, cupping her face in my hand.

She leaned into it, exhaling.

"It doesn't matter now, anyway." I said. "I'm far more selfish than I used to be. I wouldn't let you get away, even if I thought it was what was best for you."

Her eyes stayed fixed on mine. She spoke slowly. "I don't even know what's best for me anymore."

Suddenly, she shivered, and I pulled my hand away as if it were the offender, the cause of her chill.

"If I go get a blanket, will you wait for me to come back out?" She asked.

"Of course. Where else am I gonna go?"

I felt her absence the moment she walked through the door, but she was quickly back.

"Do you want to share?"

I nodded. A small smile graced her lips as she looked down at me, thinking.

Suddenly, she sat down on my lap, folding herself into me. Immediately, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tight against my chest as she adjusted the blanket to cover us both. When she was finally satisfied, her body relaxed, her head falling to my shoulder and her hand crawling up my chest. It slid until it reached the neckline of my hoodie, and when she finally found the skin of my neck there, she let it rest.

An astounding sense of peace washed over me, as if I had never known the feeling at all. Maybe I hadn't.

"Bella," her name came from my mouth as a sigh. "I wish I knew how to explain what you mean to me."

She turned her head, looking up towards me. Her eyes were big and sparkling as she shuddered out a sigh of her own.

"Edward…" her little hand clenched against my neck, pulling me somehow closer to her. She took a deep breath, then continued. "You can show me."

I didn't need more prompting than that.

I leaned my head the fraction closer that it took for our lips to meet. She pushed herself up slightly, just enough for me to feel the full force she was trying to kiss me with.

Her mouth opened immediately, welcoming my prying tongue. My arms pulled her impossibly closer, but it was not close enough. She must have felt the same, because she shifted in place, allowing one of her legs to fall over my lap so she was straddling me.

I pressed my hand into her lower back, bringing her sweater-covered chest against mine. A small moan escaped her throat as she brought her hands to either side of my face, holding me in place as she kissed me.

"Bella," I gasped against her lips, letting my other hand travel up her side and into her hair, where my fingers knotted and tugged as her tiny body ground ever so slightly into mine, sending sparks up my back, straight from my dick.

I shuddered. She groaned into my mouth.

Her hips rocked against me again.

"Baby…" She gasped. My hands traveled to her hips, hanging on for dear life as she moved above me.

"Bella…" Her name spilled from my lips again and again. I was unable to stop it. "Bella, Bella, Bella…" I was muttering between kisses. I let my mouth wander from her lips, down her jaw and to her neck. She arched it, giving me more surface area to kiss.

We continued on this way for a while; our lips exploring each other, her hips rocking into me again and again until I couldn't take it any longer.

I stood from the chair, wrapping my arms around Bella's thighs and taking her with me. The blanket fell to the floor as I maneuvered us towards the house, eventually pressing Bella into the wall. Her arms slid around my neck, hanging on as she whimpered against my lips.

"Fuck, Edward, please…" She crooned. The sound of her voice sent a jolt through me, and I bucked my hips up in response.

"Please, what? What, baby?" I grunted as I nipped her lip, savoring the sensation of it between my teeth.

She didn't answer with words, only slid her hand down from around my neck to the tie of my pajama pants. I gripped her thighs harder, holding her up as she worked.

"Bella…" I muttered her name again, unable to say anything else. My mind could not form any coherent thoughts; it was just Bella, Bella, Bella.

My cock, on the other hand, had a mind of its own. It sprang from my pants with ease. Bella and I both gasped as her tiny hand wrapped around it, stroking up and down.

I really could have came right there, but I held my breath for a second, and it passed.

"Bella, are you sure…?" I asked against her lips, and she nodded furiously in response. Her other arm slid back up to my neck, hanging on for dear life as I shifted my hands from her thighs to the hem of her pajama pants.

"Please," She begged again, and that was enough for me. I slid her pants down just enough for my dick to find her entrance, and I did not hesitate to slide inside of her.

Heaven.

An ungodly grunt came from deep within my chest, following Bella's soft moan.

I wasn't going to last long. I had to make the best of it.

I thrust up into her with everything I had. Her arms tightened around my neck, her fingers knotting into my hair, and her lips found mine once again. I could taste her breath as she panted into my mouth; it tasted like cigarettes and weed and Bella.

"Oh, fuck, Edward," She groaned into my mouth.

"Bella," I responded, keeping my pace, thrusting up into her each time she sank down onto me.

"I'm gonna come, baby," She said, her hands knotting impossibly tighter in my hair. "Come with me, please."

"Agh, fuck, Bella…" I grunted again.

"Please, baby…" She pleaded. "I-I…." Her words cut off with a gasp, and suddenly her walls were clamping down around me, and she moaned and it sounded like sex, and that was enough for me.

I let go, coming inside of her with a ferocity I've never felt before.

My limbs shook as I slowly pulled out of her and lowered her to the ground. Her arms remained around my neck until her feet touched the floor, and then they went to her pants, pulling them back up around her waist. I took a moment to tuck my dick back into my undies.

I took a deep breath before looking down at her. I guess I was afraid of what I might see on her face.

She was looking up at me, her big brown eyes glistening in the moonlight. There was no sign of regret in them, just an odd look of wonder as she gazed back at me.

She reached out and grabbed both of my hands. "You're shaking," she said.

I looked down at where our hands were joined and found she was right, mine were trembling.

I shrugged.

"Are you okay?" She asked with unfounded concern in her voice.

Okay? I definitely wasn't okay. I was ecstatic and terrified and relieved and fucking aching to do that again. Okay did not seem to cover any of those things.

I didn't say that, though. I just nodded.

"Are you going to say anything?" She asked, and I laughed, though the sound was shaky.

I had to clear my throat before I spoke. "Are you okay?"

That was the real question, after all. I wasn't the one with a boyfriend sleeping in the other room.

Her answering smile was exactly what I needed; the anxiety and fright left my body in an instant, and suddenly I was laughing again. This time it was not a nervous response, but a sound of pure joy.

Bella started giggling, too, her little hands gripping mine tighter as those giggles turned to full fledged laughter. I yanked her against me, wrapping my arms around her and squeezing as we laughed.

Bliss.