A/N: If i could have a favorite, favorite chapter, this would be it. I just love this chapter so much, even though it made me want to weep. An AWESOME beta, by JellybeanChiChi. Thanks as always for your continued support and reviews. Each and very one is very much appreciated . I hope you "love" this chapter as much as I do.

Chapter 34

Grissom's show of bravado in front of the detectives had left him feeling weak and in pain. The sallow tint to his face had alarmed Sara. While she had plenty she had wanted to say to Matty Foster, Grissom's needs at that moment had come first.

Once she and Jacobsen had made Grissom as comfortable as he could be on the bed, Wilbur put a gentle hand on Sara's forearm. "I'll see myself out. If you need anything, I am a phone call away. Don't hesitate in calling."

Sara gave the attorney a smile of thanks and stayed with Grissom. But a worried, anxious look on his face made her pause.

"What is it?" Sara asked. "Pain pill?"

"The door… It needs to be locked…"

Sara nodded. "I'll be right back."

While Sara had no doubt Wilbur would have made sure the lock on the door knob was secure, the dead bolt need to be secured from the inside. She rushed down the stairs and locked the door, then headed to the kitchen to bring up some of the breakfast he hadn't eaten.

After persuading Grissom to finally eat something — three pieces of the fruit salad — she'd given him some pain medication, and stayed with him until he drifted off.

While he slept, Sara had spent the last few hours puttering around the house awaiting her mother-in-law who was due to bring Daniel and Hank back. She finished a shopping list, making sure to add the new sweats and shirts for Grissom, before she went back upstairs. She knocked lightly on their bedroom door, not wanting to startle Grissom, or disturb him if he were still sleeping.

Entering their room, she realized that he was awake, and he looked a little better than he had before. She smiled gently as she sat down carefully on the bed next to him. She took his hand in hers, playing with his fingers, absently. "Your mother and Daniel should be back in a half hour. Do you want some help getting changed?"

He shrugged. "I'll be okay," he said quietly, not looking at her, but focusing instead on her hand, playing with his fingers. "But….thanks," he added as an after thought.

"Okay, sweetheart," Sara offered him a small smile. "But if you change your mind, I'm right here," she continued, letting him know that he did have a choice – something that he had been denied over the last few months.

Biting his bottom lip, he gave a small nod, keeping his eyes downcast. He looked so forlorn and disheartened, that Sara reached out to him in a way she hadn't yet. Wanting him to know that he wasn't alone. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips.

She felt him tense immediately, and a brief spark of fear speared her heart. But it thankfully vanished as he returned her kiss for just a second before he pulled away.

His eyes captured and held hers for a few seconds, before he glanced down again.

"Sara..." he swallowed heavily, as his emotions threatened to overpower him. "Don't make this any harder than it needs to be..."

She threaded her fingers through his, and gave their joined hands a gentle but firm squeeze.

"You think this is the end?"

"Nothing's changed."

"This is not the end for us, Gil," she said firmly. "I, nor Wilbur, are going to give up on proving you didn't do this."

Grissom sighed and shook his head as he pulled his hand free of hers, and Sara felt something shift between them. She could feel that he was pulling away more from her than just his hand.

Not wanting to start a fight, with Betty's arrival imminent, Sara pushed down her doubts and fears. Her support and compassion for him needed to be constant. She hid the hurt she felt and rose to her feet. "I'll let you get changed. But if you change your mind, just call me." She hesitated at the bedroom door, unable to pass another opportunity to reach out to him. She glanced over her shoulder at him. "I love you, Gil, and nothing is going to stop me for fighting for you and our family."

With that, she quietly left him to get ready.

Ten minutes before Betty knocked on the door, Sara heard Grissom come downstairs, and disappear outside into the rear garden. Sara fought the urge to follow him, but realized he might need this time to prepare for his mother's arrival.

While Sara had kept Betty updated about Gil's condition, it would be the first time Betty would see her son's injuries, and Sara wanted to prepare her mother-in-law, for what she would see.

Her anxiety over the reunion grew, when Betty finally knocked on the door, and taking a deep breath, she opened the door, with what she hoped wasn't a fake smile.

Immediately, Betty handed Sara three Tupperware containers, and Sara felt some of the tension fade as she spied Betty's pecan ginger cake, buttermilk scones and pine nut cookies.

"Just a little something special to welcome Gil home," Betty signed with a bright smile. "Thought it would help while he recovers."

Sara signed her thank you, before putting the three containers on the table by the door. While Sara went to unbuckle Daniel from his car seat, Betty motioned towards the car. "Better you handle what's in the back seat," Betty signed.

The familiar face plastered against the backseat window made Sara smile wide. She opened the door to have a very excited pup greet her. His tail wagged exuberantly as he followed her to the house.

Once inside, with Hank at her feet, Betty passed Daniel to Sara. Daniel babbled excitedly on seeing his mother, and Sara breathed in his baby smell, and hugged him to her, feeling her self relax even further, now that he was home.

"How is Gil?" Betty asked as she watched Sara cuddle her son. "How is he really?"

Holding Daniel on her hip, she quickly signed her reply. Informing Betty of what she could expect, knowing that it would still be a shock to the older woman. Sara's sign language wasn't as fluid as it could be, but she mouthed her sentences while she signed key words. In pain. Sad. Scared. Nervous.

When Hank saw Grissom step into the front room, the boxer bounded forward before Sara could offer a warning.

"Hank, no!" Sara shouted, but the dog had skittered to a halt just inches away from Grissom. He could sense something wasn't quite right with his master. His nose quivered inquisitively, as he shuffled forwards, his tail tucked between his legs but still wagging a mile a minute, as he half crawled towards his master.

Grissom smiled sadly, unable to bend down far enough to give the boxer's ears an affectionate rub. So Hank settled instead for a thorough licking of Grissom's outstretched fingers.

Tension coursed thorough Grissom as he felt his mother stepped forward. He swallowed nervously as he looked at her briefly, then away. But Betty moved closer, and touched his arm to gain his attention once more. With a sense of resignation, he took a steadying breath before looking up again.

Betty had always prided herself on being a strong, independent woman. Raising a young boy on her own, she'd had no other choice. But seeing her son battered and bruised, brought tears to her eyes.

Grissom bit his bottom lip, feeling his own eyes fill with tears as his mother reached out and gently caressed his cheek.

"My poor darling boy," she signed, with a slight shake of her head. "Just what have they done to you!"

"Mom, don't," Grissom spoke as a single tear ran down his cheek. He visibly gathered himself, offering her a bleak smile. He gathered her hands in his, with a gentle squeeze before he released them. This time he signed, "I'd like to say it looks worse than it feels, but... I can't."

Betty's face was bleak but she mustered up a bleak smile. "That's OK, son. You'll heal. Sara and I are with you. We will give you plenty of love and care. You will feel much better, in no time. Don't give up. Don't turn away."

Sara had kept back so that Grissom and his mother had some time to themselves. But when she stepped forward with Daniel in her arms, Daniel couldn't hold his excitement as he saw his daddy. Daniel kicked his legs wildly and wiggled excitedly as he leaned forward in Sara's arms. He outstretched his own arms towards Grissom. "Dada! Dada!"

He knew the scene should have filled him with unconditional joy, yet Grissom's face fell and he was filled with a despair far more painful than that of his numerous injuries. As he looked away from his son, he felt the tears prick his eyes once more, and he bit his bottom lip, hard.

"I...I can't...hold him," he ground out, his voice cracking. "I… I-I ... .can't ... I'm sorry… I can't do this."

His head low, he turned and headed back up stairs, without another word.

Sara hugged Daniel a little closer to her, burying her face into his small body. She should have realized sooner that he wouldn't be able to hold their son, with the pain in his shoulders and the bruising on his torso, but she hadn't anticipated he would react as he did. She wanted to scream her anguish loud, but instead, she settled for relishing the feel of her brown-eyed baby boy being back in her arms once more.

A tap on her arm broke her from her thoughts. Betty offered her daughter-in-law a tissue for the tears flowing down Sara's face. With Daniel still on her shoulder, Sara took the tissue and dabbed her eyes. She spoke her thanks.

Betty nodded, speaking to Sara. "Don't give up hope, dear. This is not forever."

Sara nodded, but Betty could see her daughter-in-law still needed convincing. She gestured for the trio to sit on the couch. After Betty sat down, Sara set Daniel upon her lap and went to get his blanket and play set to put on the floor. After she arranged his special play area, Betty placed the toddler down. Soon, Hank laid down near Daniel.

Betty saw the love Sara had for her baby. She looked her over, and tapped on her arm.

Sara looked up, an immediate look of apology on her face. "I'm sorry, Betty, I've offered you nothing to drink…"

"I won't let him be like this forever," Betty said with resilience. "And neither will you."

The two women, who had so much love for the same man, shared a knowing smile. Betty's words gave Sara both hope and strength.

"Thank you for being here," Sara signed.

"Of course," Betty signed, before gathering Sara's hands in her own. She gave the younger woman's hand an affectionate squeeze. She looked at her as she spoke. "You said he had lost weight, but I'm surprised just how much."

"I need to get him new clothes," Sara said. "Sweatpants and button-down shirts. With his shoulders and that knee, those will work easier for him. It's too painful for him to take a car ride, much less walk around a store. But I don't really want to leave him alone in the house."

Betty gestured for Sara to head to the door. "I can stay here with him and Daniel," Betty signed immediately, but Sara shook her head.

"You've already done so much, taking care of Daniel for so long."

"I'm happy to help out, Sara," Betty silently admonished. "There's no reason to do everything yourself, especially now. It gives you a chance to get out of the house without worrying about Gil. And it gives me some time with him. I could even make a start on dinner. It's really not an issue, Sara."

Sara had to admit, she could use some time away from the house. Betty had been the only one who offered to help lately. Sara knew she would be lost without her. "Gil always said you were amazing," Sara signed.

Betty blushed and signed, "He says the same about you."

Feeling renewed, Sara stood up and spoke to her mother-in-law. "I'm going to take you up on the offer." The statement made Betty smile. "But first I want to take care of Hank so that he won't bother you and get some food ready for your lunch and anything Daniel might need."

"Sounds like a plan, dear," Betty agreed aloud.

About a half hour later, Hank had been walked and cared for and Sara had made some small sandwiches for Betty, and dare she hoped, Grissom. She ran upstairs to wash up before heading out the door, giving Daniel a kiss and blowing a kiss to her mother-in-law.

Betty went to the kitchen to eat and fed Daniel some freshly made sweet potatoes Sara had pureed. Noticing her grandson forcing his eyes to stay open as he ate some Cheerios, Betty picked him up and took the slow sojourn up the stairs.

She knocked before entering her son's bedroom, and found him resting on the bed on his right side. Seeing that he didn't move when she entered, she went to the other side of the bed so her son wouldn't have to turn.

Although he had his eyes closed, she knew he wasn't asleep. Despite being 51 years old, Gilbert Grissom still had the same tactics of avoiding situations as he did as a small child. She continually tapped him on the arm, gently but unceasingly, until he opened his eyes.

Finally, he did, with a look of annoyance on his face. Again, after five decades, it was a face Betty Grissom was well familiar with.

"How are you?" she signed

"I hurt," he quickly signed back.

"I'm sorry."

Grissom shrugged, wincing as he did.

Betty gestured that she wanted to sit on the bed, so Grissom slowly sat up. Before she sat down at the edge near Grissom's legs, she placed Daniel by his father.

"You and Daniel have missed enough time together."

"I can't take care of him, Mom," Grissom signed with a sense of panic washing over him at the thought he might not be quick enough if Daniel were to take a tumble. "What if he falls?"

"You'll catch him."

"But I can't." Grissom's signs and expression were pained and adamant.

The sentiment was not lost on Betty. But instead of getting angry, she gently rubbed his leg. Grissom watched as his mother was silent. He could tell she was lost in a memory. After a moment he tapped her arm and signed, "Mom, I…"

But Betty silenced his hands and signed her own thoughts. "I wasn't given much of a choice when your father died. I cared for you the best I could. And you didn't have a choice either. You have time now to connect with Daniel. As you heal you will be glad of the time you get to spend with him. I won't allow you to give up on your son, Gilbert."

Grissom repeated his protest. "I can't take care of him, Mom,"

"Yes you can," Betty signed encouragingly. "And you will."

She put a frail hand upon his head and dragged her fingers in his curls. She smiled at him lovingly. Then, Grissom watched helplessly as his mother exited the room, leaving Daniel on the bed with him. Daniel scooted unsteadily towards him, before settling down in front of his father. Grissom watched closely, as Daniel became engrossed in the buttons of his shirt, a frown of concentration on the small face that was the mirror image of his own.

Grissom shifted, biting his bottom lip against the pain in his knee and the sharp twinge that lanced across his back and shoulders.

"Well, I guess it's just you and me, Cricket," Grissom said in a low voice.

Daniel's head bobbed up at the mention of "Cricket," his dark eyes held a contemplative look that was out of place on one so young. Slowly, his mouth widened into a smaller version of his mother's perfect smile.

Grissom could clearly see the changes already taking shape as Daniel grew from babyhood to toddler. He was growing much too fast for Grissom's liking. He'd lost so much time with him, and believed that he'd miss so much more. His time with his son was growing shorter by the day.

"You know, I never expected to be anyone's father," Grissom stated, as Daniel, turned his attention to his beloved ant, before snuggling closer to his father, and resting his head on his chest, sucking mightily on his pacifier.

The action brought tears to Grissom's eyes, as he brought his left arm around to cradle the small body.

Swallowing once more, and keeping his voice low, Grissom spoke again.

"I thought I was happy with just my own company. I had a job I loved, and work was enough for me. There were a few relationships scattered through the years. They never lasted long. Either because of my job, or I managed to mess things up. Or both. Either way, it wasn't a big deal. I figured that a wife and family just weren't on the cards for me. I was happy and content on my own.

"Then I met your mommy and she turned everything upside down. For the first time, I felt completely off balance. She understood me in a way no one else ever had. And she never judged me. She scared me so much, how she made me feel. You see, I'm a lot older than mommy. That hasn't ever been a problem for her, but it was for me, for a long time. She could so easily have anyone she wanted, and although I love her very much, I was afraid that one day she'd see me as a tired old man, realize she made a mistake and leave.

"Or there was always the possibility I would do something really stupid to upset or hurt her, and she'd leave. I wouldn't blame her for leaving me. But I'd be hopelessly lost without her.

"She gave me far too many chances than I deserved, because she loves me as much as I do her. When she told me I was going to be your daddy, I got scared all over again. Scared, because, until that moment I hadn't really wanted to be a daddy – at least I thought I didn't. I still didn't feel quite ready. Mommy got very scared too, because she thought she might not be a very good mommy. But she's a great mommy, isn't she?"

Daniel continued to suck his pacifier, lulled by the sound of his father's voice. Grissom sighed as he absentmindedly stroked Daniel's hair.

"I used to tell her what a great mommy she would be, but she never believed me. It took you being born, for her to finally believe it."

Grissom let out a deep sigh. He was lost in his own thoughts. "Because I'm so much older than mommy, I was scared because I was afraid that I might not be able to watch you grow, and Mommy would have took after you on her own. Like my mom. Your grandmother. She's the tricky lady who still nags daddy like he's 14. Mommy will probably do that to you, too, Daniel."

Although he tried to smile, Grissom just couldn't muster a moment of happiness. The cloud of his future, which he believed was nothing but a bleak life in a 6-foot by 9-foot cell, made him too sad to fight for hope. "I've ruined things for us, Daniel. I've let something bad happen to us and now, I'm not… I'm not going to be around to watch you grow..."

Grissom's voice faltered as emotions overwhelmed him. He swallowed around the impossible lump in his throat, and a solitary tear ran down his cheek. He bit his lip as he gently rubbed his son's back.

"You see, people think... I did a bad thing, and that I hurt someone a lot. I didn't. I swear to you, son. I didn't. But people, even my friends, don't believe that. So, I'm going to be sent away to a bad place. I don't want to leave you or mommy. You could come visit me, but that would just make things harder for mommy and you because I wouldn't be able to come home with you. It will hurt me too, because I'll miss you both very much."

Grissom paused, his chest constricting, as he tried to fight back against the tears, his heart completely breaking.

"I...I need... I need you to grow up and look out for mommy. I... need you to be there for her, even when she says she's fine. Sometimes…sometimes, she doesn't want anyone to worry about her. I want... I need you to be brave, especially when people tell you about the bad things they think I did."

Looking down at his son, a sense of pride filled Grissom. He could imagine the young man he would be. Smart. Considerate. But without a father, something that filled Grissom with shame.

"I'm glad that I got to be your daddy, for even just a short time. I'm sorry I'll never get to teach you about bugs and baseball … ride roller coasters together. But most of all, I'm sorry I messed things up for you and Mommy. When you're old enough to understand … I hope … you can forgive me."

Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he wiped a hand quickly across his face. He saw Daniel had fallen asleep, his breathing relaxed and the pacifier hanging loosely from his mouth. He carefully bent to pick up Daniel and cradled him next to him, making sure the boy was comfortable on a pillow. Fighting back a sob, Grissom ran a finger gently over his son's soft cheek.

"Don't hate me, Daniel," he whispered desperately. "That place will be so much harder to bare, if I thought you hated me."