A/N: Kudos to Jellybean for the awesome beta on this chapter.

CHAPTER 46

"Jesus, Gil! What happened?!" Sara was horrified at the sight before her. Grissom's face was pale white and his shirt was drenched in sweat. Thankfully he was breathing, but he was exhausted and in terrible pain. There were smears of blood on the stairs, and she feared he cracked open his skull. Fortunately, an examination of his head quickly allayed that fear. Scrapes along his arms and legs had opened up during the fall.

"F-fell," he gasped in a halting breath. "My… my leg."

Grissom's left knee looked sickly as it was swollen four times bigger than normal. "When did you fall?"

"Right… after… you left."

"Oh God, that almost four hours ago," Sara said nervously. "I need to move you, hon. Get you in a better position. Can you try to lift your body up on your forearms?"

He did his arms shaking as he bit his lip. As gently as she could she lifted his leg out of between the columns. Despite his best efforts he cried out in agony but worked with her to free his leg. Once free, Sara went on the floor and helped maneuver him in a position where he was seated on the floor.

His body shook uncontrollably. His eyes were clouded, and red rimmed. Now and then, they rolled obscenely, showing white, as he fought to keep from passing out. "I'm … sorry. … I'll … get up…"

"No," Sara said putting a hand on his chest. "That's too dangerous. You might fall again on the way to the car. And there's no way I could catch you or carry you the rest of the way." She took out her cellphone and dialed 911. "Yes, I need an ambulance."

After giving out the information, she hung up the phone and sat with Grissom.

"Were you running down the stairs?"

Grissom sat with his eyes screwed shut nodded his head.

"Why the hell would you do that, Gil?"

"For… for… giveness."

She shifted until she could guide his head to rest on her shoulder comfortably. She whispered soothing words of encouragement, as they waited for the ambulance together.

Four hours never felt so long and tiring for Sara, emotionally and physically. Thankfully the ER had not been too busy when they arrived with the ambulance.

Sara looked at Grissom as he lay in his hospital bed with his eyes closed. She knew that was his go-to tactic of avoiding a conversation he didn't want to have. A sigh of frustration escaped her lips and she shook her head slightly as she reconsidered the last few hours. Once he'd been made comfortable and given strong painkillers, the doctor had relocated his dislocated knee. Fluid had reformed around the joint again, and had been drained, before being immobilized.

An x-ray had shown no broken bones, thankfully, but an MRI had shown the previous ligament damage had worsened, and he'd need surgery for knee replacement once the worst of the swelling had gone down. Grissom had taken the news hard. He foolishly forgot his own limitations and ran down the stairs like a lunatic. Now, along with surgery he would need to stay in rehab.

Throughout the whole examination with the doctor he'd been withdrawn and tense. The situation had not been helped further when members of the nursing staff was caught taking glances at Sara's black eye. Grissom could easily guess what they were thinking, and it shamed him more.

"You really don't have to stay," Grissom said, his eyes still closed and his voice low, as the heavy silence was finally broken. "It's not like I can go anywhere, even if I wanted to."

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you were trying to get rid of me," Sara joked, hoping to ease the heavy tension that hung between them. "Your mother's picking up Daniel at daycare soon, and last time I checked in with Karson, things were fine at the lab."

Grissom's brow furrowed, and he uttered a sigh of frustration. "You need to go home, Sara. I want you to go home."

Sara's lips thinned slightly. "I'm staying, Gil," Sara said firmly, but calmly. "After the surgery, you'll be heading to rehab. I want to spend what time I have, with my husband. Once you're settled at rehab, I can bring Daniel with me. It was hard for him being separated from you. For the both of us."

Grissom closed his eyes and shook his head, his hands turning to fists by his side. He swallowed heavily. He opened his eyes, but refused to make eye contact.

"Maybe separation from me is the best thing for this family."

"No," Sara's voice rose slightly. "You're not doing this again, Gil!" she insisted forcefully. "I can understand, even forgive, why you blocked visits from prison, but this situation is nothing like that."

"It's for the best..."

"For whom?"

Grissom stared at his hands now clasped tightly in his lap, thinking of how much he had failed her.

"I'm trying to protect you and Daniel and the baby, Sara. Look what happened to you when you were pregnant with Daniel. Because of me, you both could have died."

"No, that's not true, honey," Sara said. "Mike Garrett did that. Rory Dunbar did that. You did nothing, except help save us."

"I'm a failure to all of you and I'm… I'm a danger," he said quietly, a deep sadness colored his voice and penetrated deep into his bones.

"I don't need protecting, Gil, least of all from you," Sara said pointing to her eye. "This was an accident. That's all it was. You need to recognize that."

He turned to face her, his eyes flashing with something she couldn't identify, and for just a brief moment, she was actually afraid of him – a feeling that she thought she would never have associated with him. The moment passed as quickly as it had come.

"All I recognize is how much pain I've caused you and Daniel! I don't trust I am the man I need to be anymore!" his voice cracked slightly, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He turned his head away from her, as he felt the sting of guilty tears in his eyes. "This is for the best. You'll come to understand that. Then you can…"

You can move on, find someone more deserving than me. Although those words filled his head, they were too painful to pass through his lips.

Sara stared at him in shocked silence. She could only imagine how the words he heard suffering from Rory's abuse replayed in his mind over and over again as he laid at the base of their stairs for four grueling hours. The demons Rory Dunbar supplanted along with his own pain and defeat were telling Grissom to give up.

But it couldn't end like this. They had come too far, endured too much, for her to give up. She had too much fight left in her.

She held so much fury for Rory for what he had done to her gentle, caring and incredible husband. But that fury was moot because Rory was dead. Now Sara needed to remain level headed – meeting anger with anger would only serve to escalate the situation further. They would run the risk of saying something they'd regret.

Sara took a calming breath. "You are my family. You are the first family I've cherished. I'm ready to fight for my family, and fight extra hard because I know you can't fight as hard as you can or want. And as I know you want to, Gil. I know that desire is deep down inside of you. But until you find that strength again, I will fight hard enough for the both of us. Because this family is too important for us to give up."

The hunger and nausea she'd been trying to ignore for the last fifteen minutes renewed its efforts to gain her attention. She reached into her purse on top of his tray table and got her wallet. "I need to get something to eat and we both need to calm down and take a minute to think before we make any rash decisions. I'm going for a walk, but I intend to come back, Gil. When I do, maybe we can talk this through."

She waited a beat, hoping that he would turn and face her. When he didn't, she rose to her feet with a sigh and quietly left his room.

It wasn't until she was gone that he risked turning his head. He bit down on the side of his cheek hard. She didn't understand that even now he was desperately trying not to hurt her. He loved her with all his heart but he would never want to hurt her, even if it broke his own heart. He found it ironic that he'd once thought she would be the one to leave him – not the other way around.

Biting back a sob and upset with himself and the way he'd handled the situation he banged the tray table in front of his bed. The force of the blow knocked Sara's open purse to the floor, much of its contents spilling onto the floor. As he looked down at the items, his dismay and despair morphed into something else. He frowned in concentration at one of the items and pawed at the buzzer so he could alert a nurse.

Holding a cheese sandwich that didn't look nearly as tasty as the one she bought from Jamba Juice, Sara reentered Grissom's room. She was greeted by sobs from her husband. Grissom was a mess. Yes, she had seen him cry, but not like this. It was the desperate, heart-wrenching sounds of someone in deep emotional pain.

Tears streaked his cheeks, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably, as he stared at something in his hand, and Sara's heart thumped painfully in her chest, at the sight before her.

"Gil," she breathed his name, and when he looked up her heart broke even more. It was the look of one who believed he'd lost everything in the world.

The fact that he had hit her was bad enough. Knowing that she is pregnant only added to his guilt and shame. He didn't deserve her forgiveness; he certainly didn't deserve her. "Our baby. What if I struck you in the stomach, Sara?"

Sara immediately closed the distance between them. She perched on the right side of the bed, and placed her hands on his trembling ones.

"Babe, listen to me," she urged. "I know you feel awful about having hit me, but I know it was an accident sweetheart. You'd just had a terrifying nightmare, honey, and you didn't mean to lash out as you did. You've said you're sorry and, while I don't think you need to apologize, I forgive you, honey."

"I... I don't... deserve... your forgiveness...no matter what. I'm...n-no bet-better...than your father. I... I hurt you... I could have hurt our baby… I yelled at Daniel...I don't know who I am anymore!"

Sara moved her hands to frame his stubbly face in her hands, gently turning his head to face her, though his eyes remained locked on the sonogram.

"Listen to me, Gilbert Grissom," her voice strong and determined. "I know exactly who you are. You're the most incredible, caring and considerate man I know. A man that I'm proud to call my husband and the father of our children."

He shook his head in the negative, but Sara would not let it pass. "Don't shake your head 'no.' No matter what voices, what demons in your head tell you otherwise, you cannot listen to them. You listen to me. You are a good man, and you are nothing, absolutely nothing, like my father."

Grissom chanced a glance at her, seeking out and holding her gaze. Seeing nothing but understanding and compassion on her face, he closed his eyes briefly.

There was determination in his gaze when he opened his eyes again. But he needed to voice one more thing before he would allow himself to accept her forgiveness.

"I want you to promise me, Sara, that if there is ever a time — no matter how brief — that you think I might hurt you or I frighten you… You have to promise me you'll leave and take the kids with you."

"Gil, no." Sara shook her head in protest, but Grissom cut her off.

"Promise me, Sara," he quietly insisted. "I… I don't deserve any second chances. Not with that."

Searching his face, Sara could see how badly he needed to hear it. She caressed his stubbled cheek, in a soothing gesture, her gaze firmly on his. She nodded. "I promise, babe. But I also know it will never come to that. I trust you. I trust the man you are."

Knowing her as he did, Grissom understood that this would be all she would concede. He'd never be able to convince her differently. Whatever he'd done to deserve this amazing woman was a mystery to him. But he would cherish every moment of his life with her.

"Now, I need you to promise me something," Sara said.

"What?" he asked meekly.

She squirmed on the edge of the bed. "I've been doing a lot of research about PTSD and I've talked with some people. You need help, hon. Professional help. I need you to promise me that after rehab you'll get the help you need. No excuses. Understand?"

Grissom nodded his head. "I understand. I do, honey. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She cupped his cheek again with her hand. "No more apologies, OK? You've done nothing wrong in the last two months… except insult my code-talking abilities."

In the midst of his tears, he laughed, which melted Sara's heart. Pursing his lips, his eyes left her face so he could glance down at the sonogram he still held in his hand. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"I know. Sometimes I can't believe it either," Sara said. "But you're OK with it, right?"

"Yes, after all, we were trying."

"Yeah we were," Sara agreed. "And it worked."

"But our timing..."

"Our timing was good," Sara cut him off. "All that other stuff should never of happened. We'll manage, Gil. Yes, it will take some time, but you will heal."

He bit his bottom lip as the scan continued to hold his attention. "You made that mention of saving your Family Medical Leave and all those damn smoothies. You think I would have guessed by now. Some kind of husband I am."

"You've had a lot on your plate, Gil," Sara said forlornly.

His lips pursed slightly, as a more pressing concern crossed his mind. "Have you told anyone at work? You've had so much to cope with…"

"I talked to Karson about it, and he agreed to keep it quiet. I wanted you to be the first to know, but I didn't know what was going to happen."

Grissom stretched out his hand, his thumb gently caressing the fabric of her blouse over her stomach. "I'm glad you told him. If I'd been around…"

Sara placed her hand over his, squeezing gently. "Let's not go over that again, Gil. Just concentrate on the future."

He nodded, still caressing her stomach. "I never asked when."

"Beginning of January. I'm around 11 weeks now," Sara said with a grin.

A slow smile wandered over Grissom's face as he did the math and recalled their reunion after three weeks apart. "A beautiful souvenir from L.A."

"Or it could have been when we came back home," Sara said. "We made up for three weeks of lost time."

"Yeah, we did," Grissom said. "Thank you, Sara."

"Hey, making this baby was a two-person operation," she said. "I should be thanking you."

Grissom smiled. "I don't just mean about that. I mean … for everything. You're such a strong person. You've been fighting for this family from the very beginning. I need to work harder. I need to be stronger. I love you with all my heart Sara, and I promise I will fight as hard as you."

With tears streaming down her face, Sara brought Grissom's hands to her mouth and place a chaste kiss upon them. "You're already a fighter. And I love you."

After she released his hands, Sara leaned in and kissed him reverently on the lips. As she pulled back, she gauged the exhaustion in his eyes. "Close you eyes, honey. Rest. I'll be here when you wake."

With peace and happiness in his heart, Grissom closed his weary eyes. Before succumbing to slumber a single thought enveloped his mind —making Sara feel as loved and cherished as she made him feel.