Welcome back to a knew chapter!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Marvel and I still don't claim medical or military correctness.

Chapter 20: Quarantine

If Xandra hadn't been so concerned about the whole situation - and herself, as egoistical as it sounded - she had been utterly bored, but now, her thoughts were running wild, trying to make sense of all that had happened. She longed for her i-pod, for some music to distract her, alternatively a sheet of paper and a pen to start some mathematical calculations. However, nobody seemed to have thought about that and in her current situation there was no point calling out for someone anyway. So, she layed back, staring at the grey ceiling and running numbers in her head, codes, conversations, anything to keep her occupied. Very quickly she came to the conclusion that whatever had happened in the alien city apparently had not just traumatized her, making her loose her voice and change her hair colour, but the shock (or was it gas exposure?) must have triggered something in her brain as well. Just as she was so much more aware of her surroundings, of her own body and senses, her mind seemed to have sharpened. The woman knew she had always been exceptionally bright, but now she felt as if her mind had sped up - calculations were easier, trains of thoughts ran quicker. It was a huge contrast to the calm she had felt washing over her in the underground city - lying there in quarantine, Xandra had never felt more alive. Whether this was a good or a bad thing, she wasn't so sure. Maybe she was just starting to totally loose it?

There were memories, or rather unconnected pictures, that the trauma seemed to have awaken, memories she couldn't quite place. Or maybe these were simply pictures her mind was making up? After a while, she drifted off into an uneasy sleep, only to be woken up by a knock on the door.

An agent in a hazard suit opened the hatch on the side of the cage, putting in some fresh clothes, a bowl that smelled delightfully like pumpkin soup and thankfully a pencil and some sheets of paper. Not a great service, but at least they showed her some consideration. The man jumped back quickly, as if she would bite him. Well, how could she, she was inside behind what was at least double glass! Trying not to feel insulted, Xandra gave him a small smile before taking the bowl. She found pumpkin soup tasted even better than before the exposure, she seemed to notice every nuance of flavour in the food and whoever had made it was a real expert at what they were doing. She also found she was famished and had finished the bowl in no time. Regretfully she wondered whether she might get a second one, but concluded they might want to reduce her diet, lest her body was still upset. Well, she wouldn't mind loosing some weight around her hips, so maybe that wasn't so bad, she thought dryly. Her ex-boyfriend would regret having her loose the curves though - but should she really care about that now? She quickly got changed into the pair of standard black sweatpants and a greay shirt with a S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on it and noticed with satisfaction that apparently nobody had dared to touch her personal belongings. Then she layed back on the cot again, resuming her hypnotic task of counting sheep in exponential numbers and trying to think about nothing at all.

She must have drifted off again, because she felt herself being pulled back to the present by the presence of a person in front of her cage. Keeping her eyes closed and her breath steady, she tried to analyse the situation. Her instincts told her they weren't a threat and also that they were known to her, they weren't tall and the person must also have gotten closer very quietly lest she would have woken up way sooner. Taking all these clues together, her guess was May, sitting up the suspicion was confirmed.

"Great, you're awake," the woman said instead of a proper greeating, but Xandra could hear the barely laced concern in her voice, "how are you feeling?"

She shrugged, it was neither good nor bad, only uncomfortable - and silent.

"Well, Simmons will be back soon and then run some test, these will likely be able to tell us more. Skye is also still in quarantine," May informed her matter of factly, "everyone is pretty shaken up. Most of all Skye, Coulson is with her now. How are you feeling emotionally?" the older woman asked, making Xandra startle.

She had not expected the question, especially not from Melinda May, also she had tried to avoid thinking about that until now. This calm that had washed over her when they had escaped was still unsettling her, she was definitely sad about Tripps death - but why didn't she feel more? Desperation? Or pain? She knew she was able to feel deep emotions, but right now, it all felt shut down. She took up the paper and the pen. Walking towards the glass and sitting down on the other side, she then started to write some words before showing them to May.

Numb. Guilty

May looked at her seriously.

"There is nothing you need to feel guilty about - you did your best. Tripp knew what he was doing, just as you did when you went in."

Guilty for not feeling more sad - Xandra clarified.

"My therapist told me this can happen after a traumatic experience. Grief is something very personal. You need to give yourself time," May told her, sounding slightly sarcastic but at the same time her eyes were so utterly sad and honest that Xandra didn't doubt for a second she knew what she was talking about. She wondered what had happened to that incredibly strong woman to cause this.

I felt odd down there. Calm. Like my feelings were switched off and stored away - she confessed.

May hummed. "We do what we have to do to survive. Your survival instincts kicked in - only harder than you expected. But this isn't the first time you were confronted with pain and death, was it?"

Xandra nodded in confirmation.

"You survived that, you will survive this," May declared courtly.

Xandra gave her a sad half smile, wondering how much the other one had already figured out about her life.

Thanks for cheering me up.

May rolled her eyes.

"At least you are well enough to be cryptically ambigous. Now that you are silent it is even harder to tell whether you are snarky or honest!"

However, the tender look in her eyes told the young woman she didn't particularly mind. May wasn't one for chit-chat, especially if the partner could only answer in written form, but they still kept the conversation up for a while, talking about the current situation and progress that was happening.

"So, you will have to find another way to inform your boyfriend about your well-being, until your voice is restored," the other woman remarked, not unfriendly, "even though well-being might be a bit exaggerated, it would be quite unproductive having him bang on our door. Even Coulson might not be that amused at the moment."

Xandra nearly had to smile, thinking about the two men meeting.

Ex-boyfriend - she corrected.

"Why did you break up?" May asked, making Xandra wonder how the hell they had ended up talking about such personal stuff.

SHIELD - she wrote back.

"But you are still helping him?"

I think he is right. In this regard anyway - was the answer.

"Well, Coulson seems to agree."

It was some time later when May excused herself, leaving Alexandra to her own devices. Nevertheless, she didn't stay alone for long. Just as she had made herself comfortable again, Agent Morse appeared in front of the wall. She sat up, raising an eyebrow in question."

"Uhm, I know we didn't get off on the right foot, really," the agent began, "but I brought you some stuff. I didn't know what you like, but maybe it helps you pass the time. From personal experience, quarantine can make one crazy, so..."

Xandra gave her a grateful smile, surprised but happy about that turn of event. She didn't know what had made the other woman change her mind, but it was still a nice occurence.

U know I have no interest in Hunter - Xandra noted down for good measure, just to make it clear once and for all.

"I wasn't - " the other blonde woman protested, but then simply nodded, "alright."

Also he is besotted with u

Agent Morse raised an eyebrow, but she looked somewhat hopeful. Xandra gave her a barely existent wink.

Thanks for the care package though

"You're very welcome. Now, about the blouse you wore on your first day here..."

It was somewhat surprising but Xandra found Agent Morse to be an excellent conversationalist and someone with interests very much alike to hers. She also had the vague suspicion that she was holding something back, maybe only towards Xandra herself but maybe also towards S.H.I.E.L.D. Nevertheless she seemed to be very loyal, so either she simply had a very tricky agenda or was a very good actress. Or maybe both? Xandra wouldn't blame her either way, it was exactly what she saw every time she looked into a mirror.

Thank you for reading! Take care and stay safe!