Disclaimer: I don't own LoTR. I'm just a horribly addicted fan that cannot get over how amazing the movies are ten years after discovering the Fellowship of the Ring.
Rain Shall Pass.
Chapter O.N.E.
_"Beckon"_
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher." -Ambrose Pierce
More here than there.
One moment she was there. And then she was here. Not alone, never alone, but between one blink and the next, she became truly alone. She became lost. They both became lost.
The song had been written once before. And then rewritten again and again and again. How many times would it take before the outcome would finally follow the direction it was meant to? They were getting so, so tired of repeating the same melody over and over and over.
One song laughed with all the free spirit of Man. Another song wailed with all the dread and loneliness of a mother burying her only child. And then, of course, another song was merely silent, never heard but always being watched. But even combining these songs never created the harmony that was desired. One always rose while the others fell into obscurity.
That was never the plan.
Neither knew the will of the Gods. Neither particularly cared for them. They rejected them with all the carelessness typical of a human, but that was fine because whether they believed or not was irrelevant. The curse needed to be broken and their lands needed a better future. One more brighter than the one that has already been foreseen. They wanted more.
And maybe, if they let them go about the path they decided themselves, maybe then the song would finally unravel itself the way they wanted.
Above, the Valar watched with bated breath.
Rivendell did not see rain often.
Whether it was a combination of Elven magic or the will of Lord Elrond himself, Tobrien had never bothered to fully question the why or the how. She just knew that the sky's tears rarely touched the Last Homely House. It was preferred this way, though. While she enjoyed the sense of release the rain gave her, she ever so enjoyed the feel of the sun on her skin. The grey clouds of incoming storms carried a weight to them that seemed to press on her shoulders and put her in a despondent mood that was difficult to explain. The sun was good. The rain was not.
Simple and easy.
It had been raining the day she had first arrived in Rivendell, soaked to the bone alongside her elder brother and trying not to show how cold she had been despite how resistant her immortal body normally was against the elements. She was barely a full grown elleth by her people's terms, unable to fully compose herself in a timely manner before the Lord Elrond and his entourage noticed. It had also been raining the day a strange man garbed in grey—Tobrien would later learn he was called Mithrandir amongst the Rivendell elves—had come demanding an audience with Lord Elrond. She'd from then on hear many of the tales of the Grey Wizard in the Hall of Fire on nights where storytelling was more prominent than singing and she had been supremely embarrassed to find that Mithrandir was very well known amongst all elves. She had been the lone exception who hadn't known who he was on sight.
She remembered the third time rain had touched Imladris and doubted she would ever forget it.
Which was why, as she stood just inside the doorway leading out to Lord Elrond's spacious gardens as water fell from the sky rather harshly for the fourth time, Tobrien wondered why it was some of the race of Man found purpose in standing in said rain. Specifically this one.
She had to be freezing. The sun had set hours ago and the night was bitter with the incoming winter season. Her plain dress was positively plastered to her form, her strangely colored hair soaked to her back and arms, and head tilted back with closed eyes as droplets fell upon her tan skin. Yet Tobrien detected not a shiver along that small frame that her elf eyes could see. She didn't know how long the woman had been standing stationary like this, but Tobrien herself had been in this spot for at least fifteen minutes and knew that enough was enough.
"You'll catch cold if you stay like this, my Lady," Tobrien murmured, loud enough for the woman to hear. She didn't even twitch, not a single muscle tensing at the unexpected noise that most Men were known to do when surprised. "Won't you please come inside where it is warm?"
The girl was silent for but a moment. "I'm alright here, Tobrien," She said in a soft voice. Tobrien would never have heard her if she hadn't the advanced hearing of the elves. "Thank you for your concern, but I'd like to remain like this just a bit longer."
Tobrien tried another approach. "Master Lindir will be displeased with your insistence," She said. "You've only just gotten over being ill. It wouldn't do for you to cause him to worry so."
Her lips twitched in a mirthless smile. "Lindir will have to accept my choice," She stated firmly. "Let me reap the consequences of my own actions, as he so loves to tell me whenever I choose to act foolish in his eyes."
"Lord Elrond will think otherwise if Lindir does not."
"Lord Elrond is also busy with more important matters than the oddness of the lone human in his house. He will not interfere." Her tone wasn't sharp, Tobrien could tell. She knew she was beginning to grate on the girl's nerves, however, and hesitantly accepted that she was stepping in the right direction.
"They worry for you," She said lowly, wincing when she was unable to keep her own emotions out of her voice. Humans were such a short-lived race. Her elder brother had always insisted that she keep them at a respectable distance, avoid the heartache that would inevitably come when they passed on, but Tobrien found herself attached to the human girl Lord Elrond had asked her to look after.
She looked so lost.
"You have been distant, not your usual self," Tobrien said. The girl didn't move, didn't twitch, as Tobrien continued. "Lindir has noticed. Lord Elrond has, as well. I've noticed."
Eyes slowly opened and Tobrien was once again met with eyes that were brown, green, and blue all mixed together. Hazel eyes, she recalled. A rare mix that wasn't found amongst the elves or even the people of Rohan and Gondor. "I've had a lot on my mind," The girl admitted. Rain peppered down her hairline and into her eyes, making it seem as if tears were cascading down her cheeks. Tobrien thought that it was almost ironic as the girl was giving the elleth a most heart wrenching expression. "I keep searching and searching, but none of my questions ever seem to have the answers I want."
It was an age old argument. Tobrien had been with her for just shy of three years, but she'd listened to those words more times than she wished she had to. She wished, not for the first time, that she could provide the answers her charge so desperately wanted. She knew it wasn't meant to be. She wasn't to interfere with such a personal quest for answers that she knew would not be easy to accept.
"Sometimes some questions can only be answered when certain requirements are met," Tobrien said gently, recalling the words her Adar had once told her and her brother. Those wise words seemed to stroke the embers and the girl sneered.
"Is it a requirement for elves to always speak in riddles?" Was the snide response Tobrien got. Once it had angered her and now, it swept past her with the barest acknowledgement because she knew her charge was angry at her own unfair fortune and not Tobrien herself.
She gave a small smile. "We are called the Fair Folk for a reason," Was all she said. The girl huffed and turned her face back towards the weeping sky.
"Lindir is doing his best to assist you," She reassured as confidently as she could. Her words seemed to pass right through the girl, who seemed uninterested in hearing the same promises Tobrien has been saying for the last three years. "Lord Elrond, too, does what he can, but there is only so much to be found in his vast library. Not even he has all the answers, despite his gift of foresight."
The girl snorted. "Foresight," She scoffed under her breath. "I've been here for so long, have witnessed his gift and the accuracy of it, and it still surprises me that someone actually has such a gift."
"Your people do not have such a gift?"
"Of course not," She said matter of factly. "There are people who like to think they do, but they are liars. They're simply good at guessing."
Tobrien wondered if that was just denial of the unknown talking. The girl had been just as bull-headed when she had first met her. Constantly denying her surroundings and trying to convince herself it was all an elaborate dream she had made up. Maybe her people did have gifts for foresight and she was just trying to explain away why that was impossible. It was such a human thing to do.
It took her a full year to accept her circumstances, but that didn't necessarily mean she accepted the outcome for what it was.
"Why do you do this when it rains?" Tobrien couldn't help but ask, taking a tentative step out of the safety of the doorway and into the rain. It immediately pelted down her head and neck, dampening the hemline of her dress. "I do not have much interaction with the race of Men, but even now, your actions tell me this is strange behavior. Do you not fear the consequences?"
"I'm aware of what could happen if I don't properly take care of myself," She chided. "My age is like that of a baby among your people, but as I am human, I am considered a grown adult now. I know my own actions and limitations very well."
Tobrien felt her cheeks flush with mild embarrassment, but kept quiet. She had not meant to insult her by insinuating she was unfit to look after herself.
She cast a glance in the elleth's direction, taking in her searching but hesitant expression. "It is...refreshing," She said slowly. "It feels like a burden I had been unaware of carrying is being lifted away and leaving behind a sense of weightlessness."
Curious, Tobrien lifted her chin towards the sky and took some time to actually feel the rain hitting her skin. It was like ice being pressed against her face and neck, unpleasant and uncomfortable. She felt no different than she did if she were warm and dry and decided that she could have her charge explain her thoughts another day. Preferably when they were inside and not standing in freezing cold rain.
"Please come inside, Lady Asherah," Tobrien pleaded once more. "Let's get you into some dry clothes and spare your Master the worry he will undoubtedly feel should he see you like this."
Asherah hissed a word under her breath, one that Tobrien did not recognize and thought, with some amusement, that her young charge had more than likely just cursed in that strange language only she seemed able to speak. "I'll come in if you stop with all that 'Lady' nonsense and just call me Ash," She comprised grudgingly. "I'm not royalty and do not deserve such a title attached to my name."
Tobrien bobbed her head, respecting the request, but knowing that she'd revert back to the title later. She did not want to ignore Asherah's wish, but manners had been ingrained into her since birth and regardless of what Asherah believed, she was a Ward of Imladris. In Tobrien's mind, she was basically Lord Elrond's family, which meant she deserved every courtesy and respect meant for nobility. "Of course."
Asherah glowered at her petulantly and stomped her way past Tobrien, dripping water onto the stone floor and leaving quite the trail in her wake. Three quick strides and Tobrien was gliding beside her, trying and failing to hide a triumphant smile for getting her way at last. Asherah cast her a look and gave her head a vigorous shake, spraying the elleth with droplets and causing Tobrien to muffle a laugh at her way of payback.
"Will you be joining me tonight in the Hall of Fire?" She asked cheerfully, allowing Asherah to lead her across the eastern bridge that would take her to her room. "Elladan and Elrohir have only just recently returned from their patrol and have asked if you would be present."
"I haven't quite forgiven those demonic twins for their latest prank on me," Asherah deadpanned, "so unfortunately, my answer will have to be no."
"I do not wish to be the bearer of bad news for you, my Lady," Tobrien teased, giggling when Asherah rolled her eyes at the formality, "but Elladan was most adamant that he and his brother were quite anxious to see you."
"Oh, I'm sure they are," Asherah said. "I have no doubt that they are looking to share their latest adventure beyond Rivendell's borders, but given my current state, I won't be able to devote my attention to their antics. My mother always told me if I couldn't give people the time of day to hear them, then I needed to take a step back until I was ready. The twins will just have to wait till tomorrow."
Humans were such a straightforward race. Of course, Tobrien only had Asherah to go off of since she was the only human who had been in Imladris for such an extended period of time, but she had always wondered if all the race of Men were as blunt and open as her charge. What few interactions Tobrien had with Estel didn't count. The man was more elf than human and even spoke in riddles just like an elf. She had yet to have a conversation with Mithrandir, but she had a feeling that he would be similar. He was among the wisest of Istari according to rumors and she knew what "wisdom" could pertain to, mainly the need to keep the full truth hidden until their requirements are met.
Her brother didn't think too highly of humans and her parents were neutral as far as she was aware, but Tobrien hoped all humans were like Asherah. She never did like having to read between the lines and even after three years, Asherah still surprised Tobrien with her strange way of wording and her line of thought. It helped that Asherah was so forth-coming with her thoughts and never hesitated to try to explain to Tobrien when she asked.
"I will pass along your message," Tobrien said simply, accepting Asherah's request and bowing her head slightly.
"Thank you," Was all she said as she pushed open her door, Tobrien closing it behind her as Asherah immediately began fumbling with the ribbons holding the back of her dress together. She swatted away her struggling hands and made quick work of loosening the back, assisting Asherah in lifting it over her head and laying it out on her bed to be taken later for cleaning. Tobrien cocked her head to the side, taking in once more the strange fabric that encased her charge's chest and the scandalous bottoms that hardly covered anything.
"You're staring again, Tobrien," Asherah said dryly, ears pinking at the focused look the elleth was giving her. "You'd think you'd be used to this by now."
"Your people truly only wear these items as your only undergarmets?" Tobrien asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Asherah was so different, in both mannerisms and dress.
"Yes," Asherah insisted heavily, "this is normal for the girls back home to wear."
"How strange," Tobrien said. She hummed thoughtfully and pulled free a red and blue night shift to show Asherah. "Your choice, my Lady."
"My name is Ash," She said. "Red, please."
Tobrien sighed dramatically. "You always pick the same color." Tobrien had hoped sneaking in different colors of dresses would encourage Asherah to wear something that would compliment her in new ways, but alas, she always seemed to move towards shades of red.
"It's my favorite one. I'm allowed to be biased."
"Surely that's not the only reason," Tobrien laughed, pulling the dress over Asherah's head. Copper strands caressed Tobrien's fingers and she silently marveled at the color. It reminded her of a summer sunset. She thought it was very beautiful.
Asherah paused, thinking. "It was my sister's favorite color," She said wistfully.
Tobrien flinched, realizing she'd accidentally stepped into a sore topic. Asherah's sister. Her missing sister. "Forgive me," She said, regret clear in her voice. "I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."
"You've seen me completely naked, Tobrien," Asherah laughed. "There's very little you can say that will make me uncomfortable anymore." She heaved a sigh, relaxing as Tobrien ushered her into a chair and began running nimble fingers through the thick strands of her hair. Tobrien contemplated only for a second before her fingers began flowing through the motions of a loose braid.
"I would still like to offer my apologies to you, my Lady."
"Ash, please. I'm not angry at all, I promise. Now ask me your question. I know you've got one."
She had many questions. She wanted to know everything about what made Asherah herself. What was her home like? Her parents? Her sister? What kind of culture did she surround herself with that caused her to be so different? Ah, but she wouldn't let herself step into that dark space that Asherah kept close to her heart, even if it seemed like she was opening up to Tobrien in the moment. She didn't want to cause her unnecessary pain.
Despite their tumultuous first year of being put together, Asherah had become Tobrien's closest friend and confident. And she knew the feeling was reciprocated. Tobrien smiled fondly at the back of her head, noting the muscles in her shoulders lowering with each passing graze of her nails over her head. "I have none at the moment, but thank you for giving me the chance to speak freely."
Asherah turned her head enough for her eyes to peer curiously at Tobrien. "None at all?"
"None at all."
Asherah rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Elves," She huffed. Tobrien laughed. "I don't think I'll ever get used to you guys. You're all so mysterious."
"I'm sure everyone thinks the same of you," Tobrien retorted. She tapped her shoulder and Asherah obediently passed the piece of twine that had been laying on the table in front of her. Tobrien tied off the braid and let it flop against Asherah's back, the tip easily reaching down the length of her back. "You're all set. I must go now, my Lady, if I am to keep away those pesky twins from kidnapping you."
Tobrien just barely caught the foreign mumble escaping Asherah's lips. "Maybe I could use Estel to make them back off for a bit."
"That is very unlikely," Tobrien chuckled. "I've heard from Glorfindel that Estel was just as much a mischief maker in his youth as Elladan and Elrohir are now. He may seem serious, but I think deep down, he encourages those two, much to Lord Elrond's chagrin."
"I bet I could get him on my side," Asherah said confidently, standing and raising her arms above her head in a leisure stretch. Tobrien heard the faint cracking coming from her shoulders and cringed. She did not understand how Asherah could stand doing that. "I haven't seen him in awhile now that I think about it. Not since I first arrived. Is he coming back soon?"
Tobrien shook her head. "I'm afraid I don't know. Word is that Estel comes and goes when he pleases. Last I heard, he had returned to his people in the North."
"The Rangers," Asherah murmured, sprawling across her bed and absently patting the space beside her. Tobrien, understanding the silent offer and deciding the twins could wait, sat beside her.
"Yes," Tobrien confirmed. "Dark times are upon us and Estel received word that he was needed North, so he left immediately. Lady Arwen was saddened to see him go."
Asherah's lips quirked in a keen sort of way that she wondered if she knew something Tobrien didn't know. "I see."
Tobrien arched an eyebrow, but didn't comment on Asherah's strange tone. "I can send word to Estel if you'd like me to. I'm sure Lord Elrond would assist me in getting a missive to him."
"No, that's alright," Asherah denied. "Don't trouble yourself for something as little as this. I'm sure Estel will make his way back eventually. I'll talk to him then."
Unknown to Tobrien, her charge was relentlessly grateful that she hadn't picked up on the knowing tone Asherah had accidentally used. And if she did, she didn't comment on it. Things couldn't change. They had to follow the course that had already be written.
She had to follow the rules, regardless of her personal feelings on the matter.
A/N: I'm so nervous writing in this fandom, but I decided to try my hand.
Please tell me your thoughts! Constructive criticism is so welcomed. *Hearts*
Thank you for reading!