Hi! I know it's been a really long time, I will try to not make excuses but honestly, RL has been kicking my life lately.
In the last few months I...
* Lost my job (thank you fucking Covid!).
* Broke up with my boyfriend (no resentment there, honestly it was long overdue).
* Unofficially became my niece's guardian (In all but papers I am her mom).
* Had to move to my parent's house again (which brings a whole other set of problems).
All in all, I lost any will to write (and sometimes to live, to be honest) but I decided to stop wallowing in self-pity and just do the best I could with the cards I've been dealt with instead of trying to change them.
I'm trying to get my life back in shape, so far it seems to be going decently well :)
Thank you for your support and patience. The reviews help me smile on days that I didn't even want to move from the bed.
- xxx -
Clarke was struggling to properly walk so Octavia took it upon herself to help her; mindful of the blonde's injuries she carefully grabbed her right arm and put it around her neck while gesturing for Murphy to do the same. Completely disregarding Bellamy's loud objections and indignant splutters the brunette guided them back to their previously established camp.
"Murphy can you get us some wood, please?". Clarke expected John to grumble about the task and mentally prepared a speech to convince him, instead, surprising the hell out of her, he swiftly got up, mockingly saluted her, and without saying a word proceed to leave.
"Finn, we will also need dry leaves. Can you take care of that?. I would do it myself but…" She pointed to her bruising face to emphasize her point.
"Octavia can surely do it. I think I should stay with you"
In the past, she would have considered him charming for offering to take care of her but now the blonde just wanted to shake him until he understood that no amount of flirting was going to change her mind.
Quickly getting rid of her annoyance Clarke forced herself to remain impassive, their situation was precarious at best and she couldn't afford to make anyone angry, especially not someone with an unpredictable and volatile temper like his.
"Thanks for the offer, it's very generous of you to care for my well-being but it's not really necessary. When the boys come back with some turmeric I will be fine, besides…" she tried to make herself sound grateful but if Octavia's snickering was any indication she was definitely failing.
"What if Bellamy wants to have another round?" Octavia couldn't help but snort in amusement at the absurdity of the question.
Objectively the brunette could understand his infatuation, Clarke was beautiful and her take-charge attitude coupled with a friendly yet at the same time closed-off demeanor was certainly alluring but the way Finn acted around Clarke was getting embarrassing, even painful, to watch.
"My brother ended up worse than Clarke". Her matter of fact tone left no room for argument.
Finn's crushed expression made her regret her words a little, who was she to interfere with his chivalry attempts?. No matter how unwanted they seemed to be.
Maybe Clarke was playing hard to get, she heard once that some girls liked to do that or maybe she just didn't like him and was trying to let him down without outright telling him. Who was she to judge anyone's behavior?. She had never even kissed someone before, not that living almost all her life under the floor left many opportunities to socialize let alone kiss other people.
Thinking about her life before been sent to earth made a deep-rooted melancholy rear it's ugly head, sometimes she hated Aurora for condemning her to a hidden existence while other times she couldn't help but admire her mother for giving her the chance to live, even knowing the fate that awaited her for defying the Ark's rules.
Trying to get rid of the unwanted and ultimately useless thoughts that plagued her head she forced herself to think about other things. Unsurprisingly the first thing that came to mind was her brother.
The love she has for Bellamy surpass anything she has ever known; to her he is the most important person in the whole world, he has taken care of her since she took her first breath and after their mother was floated he became the only one who could cheer her up and made her forget her miserable existence.
His radiantly smiling face was the first thing she saw in the morning and his comforting words and even warmer hugs, the last thing she felt every night before closing her eyes.
Octavia knew that Bellamy had to trade many favors to have those hours with her, for as far as she knew from talking to other prisoners in their daily time out, visiting hours were much shorter than what he was allowed. She asked him once about it, his handsome face turned into such an ugly sneer, devoid of the warm she was used to, that she didn't dare ask again. Some things are best left unasked; the answers perhaps too unpleasant to be shared.
But even if he was like a God to her, larger than life itself, she knew he was far from perfect, and sometimes needed to be put in place. The brunette didn't begrudge Clarke for stepping up to him and defending herself; in fact, she respected her even more for it.
"Well, yes, but…" The boy scratched his neck in uncertainty, trying to come up with a valid excuse to stay. Clarke Griffin was far from the spoilt princess he previously thought her to be and he was smitten.
"We will be fine Finn, really, you don't need to worry"
"I…" He tried, once again, to come up with an argument to persuade her but Clarke cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
"It's critical that we get those leaves, without them we might freeze at night and we won't be able to roast the deer" At her words, he puffed up his chest, proud to be relied on for something so important.
Disregarding all previous interactions that pointed to the contrary he assumed that Clarke was into him but didn't want to make it obvious for Octavia's sake, as he had overheard the girl stating that "he was hers". It would be an uphill battle but he had set his heart on Clarke and he did not plan to give up easily.
He was so engrossed in his little fantasy world that he never saw that when he finally left the blonde sighed in relief.
"Not a word Octavia" She tried to sound menacing but the smile on her face completely belittled the intended effect.
The girl laughed unabashedly but mimicked zipping her lips; amusement was clearly shinning in her eyes. Clarke consoled herself thinking that at least her friendship with the brunette started with the right foot.
"Do you know how to sew?". Confused but intrigued by the non sequitur question Octavia only nodded as an answer.
"Excellent!. There is no way we can all sleep inside the dropship so I was thinking we could use the parachutes to make a tent, maybe two if there is enough fabric. Would that be possible?"
Working along with her mother as a seamstress had been one of the only things that kept her relatively sane in the Ark and the prospect of putting her hard work acquired skills to use brought her immense joy.
Beaming at Clarke's idea Octavia immediately started to think about how to make it a reality. The thread was going to be relatively easy; loose wire would work just fine, making a needle was going to be trickier but not impossible.
When the brunette came back from her supply run she found Clarke chewing some weird looking root, turmeric she assumed while listening to Monty describe the assortment of useful plants he had gathered in their impromptu expedition.
Wells asked the brunet about the wire and metal pieces she was holding, she explained Clarke's genius idea and he immediately volunteered to help.
"Can you sharpen some wood? We will need stakes to hold our tent"
The boy smiled at Octavia's suggestion, thankful to feel useful. He knew nothing of sewing, he would have tried if she asked but he had the feeling he would have only made a mess and delay her.
Clarke murmured something at Monty and when he left proceed to carry the buck closer to her and started to skin it. She grimaced a little at her lack of skill but they needed to eat and she was sure the others wouldn't complain about the mess she was making.
Octavia interrupted her concentration "How do you know so much about this?"
"Huh?" Not very eloquent of her but she was more worried about not chopping off her fingers than keeping a conversation.
"When we landed you immediately knew what to do. You organized a hunting trip, made us get water, solved our sleeping arrangements and now you are preparing the meat"
"I used to watch a lot of documentaries about the old world. Some people used to go camping for fun, can you believe that?. I always dreamed of doing the same, it was foolish to think like that in the ark but I'm glad I kept watching"
"Yeah, it definitely is. Look at the bright side this might not be exactly how you planned it but you are sort of living your dream"
"I am, aren't I?" A big smile appeared in her face, it had been a lie hastily spun to satisfy Octavia's curiosity but her words were true, she was living her dreams of being reunited with Lexa.
Murphy was walking back from the woods when he saw Mbge writing in the side of the ship and Connor egging him on while lazily toying with a piece of wood in his hand.
"First Son, First to Dye" he read out loud "You spelled die wrong, genius," Murphy said smirking, he just couldn't resist making fun of them, besides if they were stupid enough to attack him he could take them, two against one wasn't fair… for them.
"Fucking traitor" Connor spat at his feet but Murphy didn't take the bait, he simply rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Please enlighten me, who am I betraying?" Now he was more amused than anything. How dare they, of all people, preach to him about loyalty?.
"You could be a free man but you take her orders"
"Are you getting any sexual favors at least?" Connor asked crudely while suggestively waggling his eyebrows. "I wouldn't mind tapping that"
"Yes, she might be one of them but she is hot" Mbege practically spitted the word them like it was poison burning his tongue. "Maybe I could fuck the entitlement out of her"
"Entitlement is a big boy word Johnny, did you think of it yourself or did Bellamy spell it out for you?"
"Fuck you Murphy!"
"It was nice catching up with you boys but I have to go now" He move to carry his load of wood when Connor blocked him.
"Whose side are you on?"
"The side of not getting killed Connor. For future reference, that's the side I'm always on".
"The man I knew would have never put up with being someone's mule or hang out with mini-Jaha"
"Junior is fine, a little naïve maybe but pretty decent" Murphy shrugged "It's not his fault his father is an asshole" He turned to look at Mbege.
"Should I worry about you turning out like your father?"
"Fucking piece of shit, I…"
"What is he talking about?"
"Nothing that concerns you, Connor," Murphy said dismissively, it was between John and him. He might not like the dude much but as far as Murphy was concerned cellmate confessions were sacred.
"What the fuck happened to you, Murphy? It's like landing here has turned you in a completely different person"
"Listen cause I'm not going to repeat myself. My only goal is making sure John Murphy survives this fucked up shit those fuckers in the council sent us to and the way I see it I have 3 choices"
He lifted one finger to emphasize his point "One I do nothing but waste my time like almost everyone seems to be keen on doing. That's fucking stupid; they won't survive for long in the wilderness".
"Two I stay with you and the fuckboy who got his ass kicked, not really appealing either. He might have promised freedom and a new beginning" the mocking tone at those words was easily discernible "but the only thing he is doing is sleeping around with whoever catches his fancy while trying to bully people to do his bidding".
"And last but not least, option three. I just do what blondie says. Thanks to her I already have water and food… ohh I also got a cool spear and this shiny knife" He proudly presented his makeshift weapon, the implied threat was not lost on either boy.
Clarke made a circle of rocks, set up the wood, and put in a few dead leaves. Grabbing the two rocks she had picked up earlier she leaned over the tent of sticks and strikes them against each other like they had been shown in class.
After a few futile attempts, she let out an exasperated sigh. Pike had made it look so simple, just a few strikes and it would be enough, but then again he didn't know what he was talking about, not really, he had study old world manuals and watched documentaries but he didn't have practical experience. None of them had. Oxygen in the Ark had always been an issue and so even the practical lessons had been done with stones that would not ignite.
Frustrated she threw the rocks to the ground and was about to tell the others that they need to find another way to ignite the fire when the newest addition to their little group of misfits took the stones in her hands.
"Can I try?" she asked shyly
The older blonde regarded Charlotte with an encouraging smile "please, maybe you will have more luck than me".
When Monty arrived with the turmeric she asked him to look for Charlotte and invite her to join them. The boy smiled at her thoughtfulness and rapidly agreed that she was far too young to be left alone in an unknown environment.
To everyone's surprise, after half a dozen tries, sparks began to fly and smoke came from the fire pit. After a few more a small fire ignited. Charlotte let out a victorious shout and everyone cheered and clapped while congratulating her.
Realizing everyone was distracted Clarke took a moment to observe them.
Murphy had taken it upon himself to cut pieces of the meat and distribute it among those sitting around the fire; he was humming while doing it and while he wasn't smiling he appeared content and more relaxed than she had ever seen him before. In that moment Clarke realized that they had never given him the opportunity to be more than a bully and self-serving asshole, it had been a self-fulfilling prophecy really.
Wells and Octavia were loudly laughing while Charlotte watched them quietly, she made a mental note to talk to the younger blonde about her nightmares and help her cope with them in a healthier manner than Bellamy's ill place advice, he had meant well but Charlotte had been too traumatized to properly deal with her anger and in the end, instead of helping, his words had only added more gasoline to an already unstable fire. This time no one was getting stabbed or unjustly hanged on her watch.
On the other corner, Jasper and Monty were huddled together whispering about something, she didn't really trust Jasper but reluctantly accepted him into their group, aware that he and Monty were a package deal. Besides if she was giving Murphy another chance Jasper definitely deserves it too, maybe he would surprise her like John.
Finn was messily engulfing his ration while, at the same time, trying to keep his perfectly coiffed hair free from grease and dirt, she snorted in amusement at his silly predicament. He noticed her gaze and gave her a knowing smirk and a wink, Clarke quickly turned around and mentally berated herself for getting caught, the last thing she needed was for him to believe he actually stood a chance.
The sun was already setting, marking the end of the first day at the earth. Deer hunting, brawls, and possibly new allies. Overall things were looking less grim than the first time around.