Kevin never considered himself a caring person. He didn't do the whole compassion and understanding thing. Being soft just wasn't his style. He was a guy after all and a jock above all else. He was on the football team and he had a reputation to uphold. There was only one time when he'd deemed it acceptable to be soft for a little while.

It was his freshman year of high school. He and Nazz had tried dating, a single date to be exact. It didn't end how he wanted it to. There was no kiss or a promise of a second one to come. The chemistry simply didn't exist between them. It hurt more than Kevin would ever let her know. All throughout his childhood Kevin was certain that he and Nazz would end up together. He was sure all the other cul-de-sac kids felt the same way too.

They failed at romance, but their friendship was solidified and stronger than ever afterwards. Later that year Nazz had tried dating someone else, it was only for a few months, but it slowly destroyed her. Nazz was strong and independent and the guy emotionally drained her. When they finally ended it, Nazz did what she always did when she needed someone to talk to, she ran to Kevin.

Kevin had stayed up all night with her. He listened to her sob and cry and by the end of the long night he wasn't sure how he managed not to cry himself. Nazz was his best friend and he didn't know what to say to cease her tears. He just sat there in their awkward embrace until she cried herself to sleep. Once morning came he told her he was there for her no matter what and she could come back if she needed too. Comforting Nazz was nothing like comforting Edd.

The second Kevin saw Eddward trying to stumble from his room it was like he just knew what to do. His arms shot out to grab at Edd and hold him steady. His hands molded into Eddward's flesh perfectly. Edd was an incoherent mess and no matter how many times Kevin called and shook him there was no getting through. Eddward had cried into his bare chest and it gave Kevin a protective urge. He never expected to see Edd in such a way. Eddward had become so strong over the past few years, but that night he was Double Dee. He was the same gap-toothed nerd Kevin had bullied and laughed at.

Kevin wanted to blame his reaction to Eddward on the alcohol because it seemed like the only logical reason as to why Kevin could feel such a way towards another guy. If alcohol was the reason then come morning he would have felt differently, right? Unfortunately alcohol was not at fault in that scenario, Kevin's preference was. Having Eddward in his grasp was one of the best experiences he could ever recall having. The circumstances weren't ideal, but the sentiment behind it was all the same. Kevin was devastated when morning came.

It was like Eddward boxed up the entire night and shoved it away where it could never be found and opened. He had shut Kevin out entirely and the words came so harsh that Kevin was at a loss for words,

"We are not friends Kevin."

That hurt, that had hurt a lot.

Kevin had been punched, kicked, tackled, he even sustained a broken leg once, but nothing hurt as much as those words slicing through and verbally assaulting him.

Eddward held a certain facade that everyone accepted, but it wasn't fooling him. He knew there was something more haunting him inside the depths of his mind. No one opens up and bares their soul and then pretends it never happened, right? Kevin was at a loss for comprehension.

If the team knew what he'd succumbed to on the night he held Edd, he'd be ridiculed, but would it be worth it? Yes, definitely. Kevin would have done anything including giving up his reputation if it meant he could rewind back to that night and comfort Eddward. Kevin replayed that night in his head every spare moment he had. Maybe there was something more he could have said. What if he had stood his ground and told Edd he wouldn't leave no matter what? What if he had hugged him again after the vicious slur of words? No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't change what had happened that morning.

Truthfully, he was determined to stay and fight Eddward until the kid yielded, but those words had hurt. Kevin had broken plenty of hearts in his high school days, but had never been on the receiving end. Now he knew what that pain felt like.

But things were going to change. Eddward couldn't ignore him anymore because now they had a group project that joined them. Kevin couldn't focus on practice that afternoon. He dropped the ball countless times. He stumbled while running and got tackled more times than he wanted to admit. His mind just wasn't in the game at all. As soon as the coach dismissed them he ran towards the gym where the track team practiced. He scanned the room and refused to believe it, but Eddward was not there. Something akin to a growl escaped from his mouth as he staggered towards the locker room.

That dork was really ignoring him. Kevin was furious.

After he showered and changed he exited the boys' locker room. Instead of leaving through the back like the other football players did, he decided to make his way through the empty school halls. He still held onto some shred of hope that Eddward was still in the building. He refused to believe that the kid would just ignore him like this. Maybe it was Kevin's stubborn pride or a relentlessness to admit that his unknown harbored feelings weren't mutual. When he saw Ed at his locker a small smile crept onto his lips. The dorks usually traveled home together.

Ed was in his gym clothes and Kevin figured he probably just got out of wrestling practice. His shirt was soaked with sweat and he was willing to bet that Ed's hygiene habits were still deplorable.

"Hey Ed," he called out as he sauntered over.

The tallest of the Eds turned at the sound of his name with a lopsided grin, "hiya Kevin!" He bellowed as he continued stuffing random stuff into his bag from his locker.

"Where's Dee?" Kevin asked as he leaned against the wall of lockers with his duffel bag full of football gear hanging off his shoulder.

Ed's face scrunched up at the simple question. "There's no Dee here," he stated matter-of-factly.

Kevin slapped a hand to his forehead and pulled it slowly down his face in exasperation. How Eddward could associate with someone like Ed was beyond his understanding. Then again, he also associated with Eddy and that made Kevin question his sanity as well. No wonder the dork was troubled.

"I can see that. Do you know where he is?" Kevin asked trying to keep his cool.

"Uhh-" Ed started and then turned his attention back to his locker.

Sweat beaded on his forehead as he finished stuffing random objects and papers in his bag and threw it over his shoulder. He looked worried as his brow furrowed in concentration. Kevin noticed the way his stance changed and how his eyes knitted together. Ed understood the question perfectly, but he was hiding something. Kevin was growing more impatient by the second.

"Can you just tell me-"

"I can't," Ed said as he cut Kevin off.

His knees were shaking slightly and his face paled a few shades. Kevin grit his teeth in annoyance and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. Something was most definitely up. Kevin was getting sick of the games the Eds played. They were all in on some secret and he was tired of it all.

"Well why not?" he bit out angrily.

Ed was physically sweating now from the pressure and Kevin was just about to give up when something in Ed cracked.

"I-I don't think Double Dee is in a good place right now." Ed stammered.

This sparked Kevin's interest as flashes of their night together raced through his mind. If Ed could sense something was wrong then there was a problem. Kevin decided to take a softer approach when he asked his next question. He lowered his voice as if he were talking to a child who was separated from his parents.

"What happened to him Ed?" Kevin asked calmly.

"My wrestling practice ended early so I went to the track field to watch him run. I like watching him run, Kevin. He's really fast, but something was wrong. His face was all scrunched up like he smelled a really bad smell and he was running really weird. He left his practice early and I tried to help him, but he got mad at me. He said he needed to go home and told me not tell anyone that I saw him like that. I don't think no one else noticed. I don't like when Double Dee hurts, Kevin. I don't want him to hurt himself like last time."

Kevin was blown away by Ed's confession. Ed was like a broken child who desperately clang to Eddward and Eddy for guidance. Without them, Kevin wasn't sure Ed would be able to function, not that he could function with them, but without them he'd be lost. Kevin was about to say something more when he heard a loud, abrasive voice yelling from behind him.

"Hey asshole, leave Ed alone!"

Kevin rolled his eyes as Eddy made his way over and Ed seemed to tense more.

"Calm down dork, I was just asking Ed where Dee was," Kevin answered unsure of why he needed to explain himself to Eddy of all people.

Eddy ignored him as he stared at Ed. His eyes traveled between the two for a few moments and Kevin was unsure of what was going on in the schemers head. Eddy's eyes grew hard as he dug into his pocket for a few moments before producing a pair of keys. He gingerly tossed them to Ed, who barely caught them.

"Go wait in my car," he said with an undertone of authority.

Ed seemed reluctant to go, but did as he was told. He and Kevin shared one last look. Kevin could tell by the strain in Ed's eyes that he didn't want Eddy to know about the conversation they had just had. Once he was out of sight Eddy turned his full attention onto Kevin.

"The fuck did you say to him, asshole?" Eddy asked angrily.

Kevin was floored at this point. All he wanted was to talk to Dee, was that too much to ask? Kevin exhaled angrily before he answered.

"I asked him if he knew where Dee was and he freaked out."

"Why?" Eddy asked as he quirked an eyebrow.

"How should I know? He's your friend," Kevin started, "All I wanted to know was what we were doin' for our history project." He addedas an afterthought. It was sorta the truth.

"Yeah, I can't help you there Jockstrap," Eddy said with a devilish smile. "Dee's the brains behind the operation. I just sit back and watch him work. I think we were meeting at his house later tonight to start it."

Throughout their conversation Ed's uneasiness over Eddward's well-being was driving him insane. He hated feeling left out of the loop, granted he and Dee still weren't really friends, but they had shared a moment and that counted for something. All Kevin wanted was the truth. Eddy was the last person he wanted to ask, but he and Eddward were best friends. He expected Eddy to lie through his teeth, but he needed to ask. Kevin hated how concerned he was, this just wasn't like him.

"Is Dee okay?" Kevin asked and Eddy looked at him dumbfounded.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Eddy asked without hesitation.

"He just doesn't seem like himself." Kevin answered as he shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

He readjusted the strap on his bag before he trudged down the hall towards the front doors of the school. He could hear Eddy yelling at him as he left, but he didn't care much to listen. The only thing on his mind was Eddward. What Ed had said really unsettled him. What did Edd do to hurt himself last time? He needed to talk to him and find out what was wrong. His friends knew something, but they weren't sharing. If the dorks wouldn't tell him what was going on he would just have to find out for himself.

Eddward tilted his head back against the cool tile of his tub. He was clad only in his boxers and his beanie. His mind was lost in a bafflement of thoughts and feelings that circled around him like vultures as he hid inside his porcelain tomb. His fingers twitched as he held precariously onto the small sliver of steel that would divide his flesh in two. The slash on his thigh had ached painfully that day and during his track practice he felt the wound open. He had panicked and ran towards the boys' locker room where he was met with Ed. Ed would never suspect anything so he was safe for now, but still. If it had been anyone else... he didn't want to think of the outcome.

He heard his text tone go off for the fifth time, but he ignored it. If it was truly of importance then the phone would ring and only then would he force himself up. But for now, the tub was his prison and he was its willing captive.

Truthfully, he longed for a new mark on his wrist. A simple line which would be easily concealable, but he had yet to find the strength to cut. Every time he brought the razor up he felt something tug his arm back down and then he would see Kevin's face. Eddward shook the thoughts away as fast as they came. Kevin would not care if he cut himself. He and Kevin were not friends; he had to remind himself of that.

His head ached and his toes felt numb from the coolness of the tile at his bare feet. Maybe it was time to admit defeat and get up. He couldn't bring himself to cut. Why did he see Kevin's face every time he brought the razor to his skin? A defeated reflection always stared back at him in the tiny silver instrument. He remembered the feel of his strong arms and the warmth of his firm chest. Eddward refused to admit it aloud, but Kevin made him feel safe and that probably scared him the most. Once you think you're safe, that's when the real danger appears.

Suddenly his phone went off; it was a generic ringtone, which meant he had no idea who was calling him. Very few people actually had his number and of those only Eddy, Marie, and Ed ever called. Eddward heaved himself up on unsteady legs as he made his way from the bathroom and into his bedroom, his fingers never once let go of the razor. He grabbed the phone and stared at the unknown number for a few seconds before he answered.

"Who is this?" he said curiously.

"It's Kevin, but you'd know that if you looked at the texts I sent you."

Kevin sounded angry and honestly Eddward didn't blame him. Technically he did stand him up. Kevin wanted to walk home together and Eddward had blown him off so easily. The satisfaction of returning home so he could amble in his self-pity had been more alluring at the time.

"I wasn't aware you had obtained my number."

Kevin paused for a moment at the abruptness.

"I have my ways of gettin' to you. Like I said earlier, you can't ignore me forever."

Eddward smiled at the playfulness in Kevin's tone. It was endearing to hear someone genuinely care for him, someone he was quite infatuated with at that.

"So, may I inquire for the reason behind this phone call?" Eddward asked matching Kevin's teasing tone.

Kevin huffed into his end of the phone. "Dude, do you seriously not read your messages. I said I was coming over and I've been outside for five minutes."

"Normal people ring the doorbell." Eddward chided.

Like magic, the buzzer sounded multiple times and Eddward laughed at Kevin's childishness.

"Answer the door, dork." Kevin commented and then he ended the phone call.

Eddward placed his phone back on the dresser and put the razor down beside it, "another time perhaps," he said to himself.

He grabbed his discarded sweatpants that were lying on his bed and quickly pulled them on. Next he grabbed his shirt which he had worn to school and pulled it over his head. As he made his way out of his bedroom he paused to grab his track band and tugged it over his scarred wrist. Last time he had left himself exposed and he was lucky Kevin hadn't noticed but he wouldn't risk it this time. Normally, he was more careful, but that entire night had thrown him off. He closed his bedroom door behind him as he made his way down the stairs and paused when his hand touched the cool doorknob. So much had happened between the two of them the last time he was here. Eddward braced himself as he unlocked the door.

Kevin stood in front of him. He was wearing what he had worn to school that day minus the backpack. He was leaning with all of his weight pressed to one side of his body as he waited for Eddward to invite him in.

"Took you long enough," Kevin said as he pushed past Eddward into the house.

Too Eddward's astonishment he took off his shoes and deposited them near the closet door. He then sauntered into the kitchen and Eddward looked after him flabbergasted. Did Kevin really just walk in here like it was a normal thing? Eddward shook his head and smiled. Leave it to Kevin to waste no time. Eddward walked into his kitchen to find Kevin sitting with his elbows resting on the kitchen table.

"Would you like something to drink?" Eddward asked as he paused in the doorframe, unsure of where their conversation would go from here on out.

"Yeah, sure." Kevin responded quickly.

Eddward passed through the room and grabbed two cups from the cabinet. He then turned to the fridge and rummaged through until he produced a carton of juice which he poured into the cups. Once he was done he set one in front of Kevin and then sat down in the seat beside him. Kevin's eyebrows were knitted into a tight expression and his eyes were focused on the table. He seemed lost in a daydream. Eddward took that moment to study Kevin. He seemed relaxed, but uptight at the same time. He was comfortable around Eddward, but he was holding something back.

"Dee, if I ask you a question can you just answer me honestly?" Kevin asked as he continued to stare at the table.

Eddward gulped involuntarily, "I will answer your question to the best of my abilities."

Kevin rubbed his face with one hand and then finally turned so they were looking at each other.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

Eddward never thought Kevin would be so blunt. Eddward turned and stared at his glass of juice as if the answer to Kevin's question were floating inside the contents of it. He was sure Kevin was staring at him right now, but he refused to look at him. He had already let Kevin in once and that backfired. Eddward was good at keeping the few friends he had, there was a system behind it. He only ever told as much as he needed to until they were satisfied. Each friend had a different level of knowledge and that helped him maintain control. Kevin was an unknown in this equation. Should he open up again?

"Listen, Dee- I know you have shit going on right now, but I just don't get why you shut me out. I thought we were becoming friends. I mean- I'm not good at this kind of stuff man." Kevin admitted as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Eddward continued to stare at nothing in particular. His eyes were fixated on his drink, but he was looking past it until his vision blurred. He honestly didn't know what to say. If he actually knew the root of all his problems would he answer Kevin truthfully? Or would he continue to lie and coast through his adolescent life keeping everyone he encountered at a safe distance? Whatever the reason, Kevin deserved some kind of an answer. Kevin stood and the sound of the chair backing away from the table stirred Eddward from his thoughts.

"Look, I'll just leave-"

Eddward wasn't aware of his body's movement. One moment his hands were perched delicately in his lap and in the next instant he had reached out and grabbed Kevin's hand. Kevin stopped talking and just stared at their joined hands. He didn't try to remove his from the grasp which Eddward was thankful for. It was funny really, earlier at school Eddward had told Kevin not to touch him and now here he was clinging to the jock.

"I thought ignoring you would make everything easier," the confession escaped his lips before he even realized it.

Kevin didn't say anything, he was probably afraid Eddward would stop talking. So instead he sat back down and turned his body so he was facing Eddward. Their hands never parted. Eddward turned his attention towards their hands and focused on them as he spoke. He felt comfortable for once and although it frightened him, he continued to talk.

"I've never opened up to anyone like I did with you on the night of Nazz's party. Growing up in this house, it always seemed logical not to speak up because as you can clearly see there is never anyone here who listens. You're the only one who knows of my actual panic attacks. I think I associated facing you with facing them. Ignoring you seemed like the rational thing to do, I suppose now it wasn't." Eddward admitted as he tried to work through his problems, it was mostly the truth.

When he regained his courage after the awkward confession he looked up to meet Kevin's stare. What he was not expecting was a giant smile to be plastered on the face of the person he emptied his soul to. Kevin let out an embarrassed laugh and Eddward's eyebrows shot up.

"You find my admission amusing?" he asked as he tried to pull his hand back, but Kevin surprised him by squeezing harder.

"No, its not that. I just didn't think I'd actually get you to talk. Last time you shut me down and kicked me out. I guess I thought you were gettin' ready to kick my ass out again."

Now it was Eddward's turn to laugh uncomfortably. Looking back he had been irrational the last time Kevin was here. Kevin probably could have comforted him after the disconcerting phone call with his mother, but instead he destroyed his thigh. That had yielded some self-fulfilling benefits, but at the same time it made running a painful endeavor. Kevin squeezed his hand again to gain his attention back. Eddward looked back up to him. His eyes held genuine concern for him. Eddward's heart fluttered and he was sure his cheeks were reddening at the touch and close proximity.

It seemed fate deemed this moment too good to be true. Kevin's phone rang. Kevin rolled his eyes as he reached into his pocket with his free hand. Eddward smiled at Kevin's gesture. It seems the jock reciprocated some feelings towards him. Maybe their nerves knew each one needed the touch. When Kevin finally got his phone out of his pocket he looked at the caller I.D. before answering it.

"Hey Nazz, what's up?

"Kevin- uhm are you with Dee?" She asked nervously.

Kevin's eyes shot up to look at Eddward.

"Yeah why?" he asked skeptically.

Nazz sighed in relief and Kevin could hear a familiar annoying voice in the background.

"Nazz, what's going on?" Kevin asked and Eddward squeezed his hand a little harder.

"Eddy and I are watching the news. He's been trying to call Dee. He told me he thought you'd be there with him," she paused before continuing, "Jensen's out."

Eddward stood abruptly and walked towards the living room catching Kevin off guard.

"Shit," he swore into the phone, "Nazz, I'll call you back."

Before he hung up he heard Eddy's voice, "don't leave him alone."

Kevin bolted after Eddward into the living room where he was standing a few feet away from the television. He held the remote delicately in his hand. It was evening and the only light on in the house was from the kitchen. The living room was dark and the only light came from the glowing square which illuminated the room. Eddward's shoulders were squared as Kevin stepped beside him. Kevin reached out to grab his other hand, he squeezed, but Eddward did nothing in return. His eyes were fixed on the images that flashed before him with the story of Jensen's incarceration.

Local teens on parole after 26 months.

Kevin turned to look at Eddward, his jaw was tightened and the reflection of the television on his face sent a chill up his spine. Eddward did not look afraid or like he was scared in the least bit. No, Kevin had never seen such a look on the teen before. Was that vengeance in his eyes? In that moment Kevin was sure of one thing, he was not going home tonight.

-LunaMaye