Eddward awoke the following morning to soft snores emanating from the body beside him. He smiled to himself as Kevin's arm, which was draped over his body, involuntarily pulled him in closer. If this was what contentment and happiness felt like then why did he feel a tiny knot forming in the pit of his stomach? Just like visions of a persistent nightmare, his promise to Kevin replayed in his head. How long would he be able to keep it for? Would this relationship... if it was a relationship, really work between them? The last thing Eddward ever wanted to do was hurt Kevin.

Kevin was Mr. Popularity. He was the alpha male at the school whom every guy wanted to be. He had a line of girls swooning for his attention down every hallway of Peach Creek High and yet... he chose Edd. Eddward was once a nerdy, social outcast and now... now he was a social outcast with a destructive habit which he labeled control. Was it okay for Kevin to venture into his life? Would they flourish? Or would Eddward find a way to push him away, he knew he was good at that.

A soft kiss was placed at the base of Eddward's neck and he felt a jolt of pleasure radiate down his spine. "Morning," Kevin said and then yawned. Kevin's grip tightened around Edd's waist and he entwined their fingers.

Eddward melted into the gesture. "Good morning Kevin. Did you sleep well?" Eddward asked.

"Best sleep I've had in awhile," Kevin answered, "you been up long?"

"Not really, I awoke shortly before you." Eddward replied.

Kevin was silent for a few moments. Eddward sensed the tension in the air.

"Are you okay? I mean, after everything that happened last night," Kevin asked solemnly.

Eddward exhaled through his nose. He released Kevin's hand and shifted so he was lying on his back. Kevin kept his arm draped across Edd's chest.

"I'll require you to be more specific in your question. Okay after what exactly?"

Kevin was staring at the side of Eddward's face intently. "Everything I guess. Jensen being out. Me... uhm... finding out about-" Kevin's eyes glanced down to Eddward's arm, "you know. And also uhm… us?"

Eddward lifted his arm and brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I know you want me to say 'I'm fine', but I won't lie to you. I'm not okay. While Jensen's release is unsettling, I was well aware his discharge was inevitable. And I'd rather not discuss my wrist any further." Eddward finished and rubbed at his eyes vehemently.

Kevin grabbed his hand roughly to stop him, "and what about us?"

"What do you want me to say about us, Kevin?" Eddward began tiresomely as he sat up and turned to place his feet on the floor, "I don't do relationships."

This, however, was not the answer Kevin wanted to hear.

Kevin grit his teeth, "what's that supposed to mean exactly?" came his cold words.

Eddward felt the fumes emitting from Kevin's body. He stood and walked to the other end of the room. How was he supposed to explain himself? Eddward had a million thoughts and emotions rushing through his body. Did he want to be with Kevin? Absolutely, yes. Would it ever be easy between them? No, not in the slightest bit. Kevin already gave off the feeling that he wanted- no, he needed to know everything. Eddward wasn't prepared for that. He lived in solitude, it wasn't going to be easy to just let someone barge in.

His body was screaming that this was okay, that he deserved happiness derived from another person. His mind didn't comprehend this new notion though. Kevin would never be able to handle the burden of being with someone like Eddward. Eddward needed privacy and solitude. Would Kevin trust him with that kind of isolation? Hell, Eddward usually didn't trust himself that much. And what would happen when he broke the promise he made. It wasn't a matter of 'if', Eddward knew he would break it, that realization tormented him on a deeper level. Kevin didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve Kevin. At that very moment the desire to cut couldn't have been greater.

Eddward's shoulders sagged in defeat as he spoke, "what if this doesn't work? Have you thought of that?"

Eddward looked up to Kevin's now softened expression. All they had been doing was talking about him and how he felt. Well, Eddward needed to know how Kevin felt.

"Of course I have, but if you start doubting us from the start then yeah, it won't work out." Kevin answered as he stood and crossed the room to stand before Eddward. "Tell me why this can't work?"

Eddward wanted to roll his eyes, but he withheld from doing so. I promised you I wouldn't cut and yet I'm debating on slicing my wrist the second I'm out of your eye sight, he wanted to say. "I already told you Kevin, I don't do relationships. It will only proceed in complexion from here. Have you even thought about how you would come out to your peers as a homosexual?"

Kevin's eyes opened wide and Eddward smirked triumphantly, it seemed Kevin hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Okay, so I didn't think of that yet," Kevin admitted sheepishly, his face reddening.

Eddward crossed his arms over his chest. "Are you gay?" He blatantly asked.

"Huh?" Kevin asked dumbfounded, clearly thrown off by the straightforward question.

"Are you gay, Kevin?"

"Honestly, no. I never thought I was. I mean I don't think I am-" Kevin started and Eddward turned to walk away. Kevin grabbed his shoulder and spun him around."Hey wait, listen. Don't give me that look Dee. You want the truth, right? Well, the truth is no. I'm not gay. I've never looked at some guy and had feelings before. I've always been attracted to girls, but it's different with you. I- I don't know how to explain it. You make me happy and I dunno. Being with you just feels right. If that makes me gay then fine, I'll be gay for you."

"I'll be gay for you," Eddward began as he quoted Kevin's words. "Do you hear yourself? It's not a choice for me, Kevin. This is who I am. What happens when you're ridiculed at school? Can you handle the torment that will ensue when word of our arrangement gets out. Will you choose to date the opposite sex again? Will this cease to exist?" he asked as he gestured between the both of them.

"I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Where is this coming from Dee?" Kevin asked as he put his hand out trying to grab Edd's, but he flinched away.

"When I was jumped two years ago, it wasn't just a random childhood beating I could easily walk away from; it was hatred and pure animosity that left me nearly crippled. He didn't intend for me to live. I was targeted for being gay." Eddward admitted. "They tortured me daily, Kevin. Slammed me into lockers when passing by. They cornered me in the bathroom when I was alone and smashed my head off the sink on one particular occasion. They called me a fag when I looked at them in passing. Told me the likes of my kind were better off dead. Like I was a plague roaming the school halls because of my mere existence. They didn't even know I was gay… they just assumed. All because I was scrawny and pathetic…I was a faggot." He choked on the final few words and Kevin moved in closer.

The venom Jensen had placed behind the word; "fag" rang through his ears and made his stomach churn. That was one part that he tried to forget. Jensen always called him a fag or a queer. At first Eddward thought maybe it was just a name he tossed around as an insult. But as time went on Jensen's threats became increasingly worse and derogatory. If Eddward even looked at him the wrong way Jensen would become extremely aggravated. And that always confused Eddward, yes he was gay, but he never looked at Jensen the way he looked at Kevin.

"I didn't know that. Dee you never told me. I-I'm sorry." Kevin said as he enveloped Eddward in a hug.

Eddward sighed, "I don't require sympathy, Kevin. I was merely stating facts."

"Dee, I want to be with you. I've liked you for awhile; I just never knew what to do about it." Kevin said as he released him.

Kevin's face was inches from Eddward's. The look Kevin was giving him was the one he'd only ever seen in romantic movies. Never in his life did he think he'd be on the receiving end of such an endearing expression. Eddward's face felt hot. He was sure his face was brighter than Kevin's hair color at this point. No one had ever made him feel these types of sensations before. It was scary and overwhelming, yet invigorating and exciting all at the same time. But still, that nagging voice in the back of his head was screaming at him. Eddward had plenty of excuses and reason of why they could never work.

"I'm the protégé of parents who failed in maintaining a relationship with me," Eddward admitted.

"So what?" Kevin asked as he shrugged his shoulders, "and I'm just the dumb jock who lives with his dad and stepmom who think I'll never make it out of this small town."

Kevin wasn't going to give up. If he and Eddward had one thing in common they were both exceedingly stubborn and they both wanted each other.

"I just- I don't like labels," Eddward admitted as he thought back to the word which caused him so much grievance and pain. He never wanted Kevin to be on the receiving end of such criticism and hate, especially not for him.

Kevin scoffed, "Double Dee loved labels."

A very poor choice of words on Kevin's part. That name brought up feelings of weakness that Eddward had tried to bury. He hated that name and only tolerated it for Ed's sake. Double Dee was a lot of things, but strong? No, he was as vulnerable and pathetic as they came. Is that what Kevin saw Eddward as? A weakling who needed and craved a loving bond. Eddward did not need Kevin to save him.

Eddward felt an impulsive and abrupt rage contorting within his body. Double Dee was ridiculed and manipulated throughout his childhood. Bullied and beaten for just being who he was, and he was defenseless to stop it. Was Kevin truly this ignorant that he couldn't understand?

"Double Dee is dead! He died a long time ago," his voice cracked on the last words.

Kevin had him pinned up against the wall before he could try to retreat. His hands grabbed Eddward's and held them tightly at shoulder level. His leg wedged between Eddward's thighs in a firm stance.

"Hey, I'm sorry okay. I didn't mean it like that." Kevin started to say. He bowed his head and took a deep breath to calm his nerves before looking back up. "Eddward, I like you okay, a lot. Last night made me realize that I don't want to be without you. I don't know how to do this kind of sappy stuff, especially with a guy. But I'd do it for you. This is all new for me too."

Eddward's rage left just as fast as it came on. He couldn't be mad at Kevin; after all he didn't know the extent of damage that was inflicted upon him. Eddward never let anyone see how badly hurt he truly was. He couldn't hold ill will toward Kevin for not understanding. Eddward was broken and falling apart, but Kevin didn't seem to care. All he saw was Eddward for who he was now and he was still willing to date him.

"Come on Dee, I'm baring my heart out here, please say something."

"I don't know. I-"

Kevin leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on Eddward's scarred wrist. Eddward felt the breath escape him at a startling pace. Kevin looked up at Eddward and brought his mouth closer. He pressed his lips firmly to Eddward's, affirmatively stopping any more coherent words from being processed. Eddward melted into Kevin's touch. Kevin dropped his hands and let them fall down the length of Eddward's body until they rested firmly on his hips. He used his thumbs to knead circles into Eddward's clothed flesh. Eddward's hands shot up and he raked his nails through Kevin's hair as he deepened the kiss. His lips parted as Kevin's tongue found entrance into his anxious mouth. Maybe Eddward could do this, just maybe.

Their tongues battled for dominance briefly before Kevin gave up and let Eddward take control. Kevin's hands began to wander until they found their way under the hemline of Eddward's shirt and moved upward. His fingers massaged and grabbed at the warm skin leaving Eddward in a frenzied state. His fingers brushed over the scar from where Jensen's knife had been, but Eddward didn't care. His mind which was once plagued with overwhelming thoughts and excuses was now left blank. Eddward wanted this; he wanted this more than he'd ever wanted anything in his entire life.

When their lips finally parted Kevin rested his forehead against Edd's. Eddward's eyes which had shut during the breathless kiss now fluttered open. Kevin smirked at him.

"Just think about it okay. We don't need to label it if you really don't wanna. We'll talk later, okay? " Kevin said reassuringly, "maybe we can actually start our history project." He added as an afterthought.

Eddward nodded, "yes, we should do that."

Eddward's feet pounded against the pavement as he ran. His heart thumped to a steady rhythm in his chest. His headphones delivered a symphony conducted by Mozart. Eddward originally started running to get faster. If he was faster than the problem, or person chasing him, then he could get away. All he had to do was run. Faster and faster. Sometimes he zoned out and didn't realize how far he'd gone until he collapsed back at his house. Running gave him freedom from his problems for a short exertion of time.

This was the only time when he didn't feel the urge to cut.

When he was running, he didn't visualize a razor. Maybe that's why he decided to go for a run when Kevin left that morning. Their kiss, while much needed, was also scary. It confirmed that Eddward wanted this relationship to work, but at what cost? Could Eddward really put down the razor so easily? The uncertainty of what could happen had him on edge. What if their relationship failed faster than it started? Or what if Kevin soon came to realize that Eddward was not worth saving?

Truthfully he knew he needed saving, whether it was from some divine power, or the interception of a third party, he knew he needed it. He would admit that discreetly to himself in the sacred depths of his dangerous mind where no one else could ever find out, but never out loud, that would make it real. That would mean admitting he had a problem. Eddward did not have a problem.

He almost lost his balance as he turned the corner, but he quickly regained his posture and his pace. Running was not the time for thinking; running was the chance for a small escape. He mentally shook his head. When he finally made his way back to the cul-de-sac he noticed someone sitting on his front porch. As he got closer he saw the devious smirk of none other than Eddy waiting for him. As he neared his destination he lessened his pace until he hit a brisk walk before he reached his porch. Eddy's lips were moving and his eyebrows waggled, but all conversation was lost on Eddward's ears. He put his hands up to his head and took his headphones out.

"Greetings Eddy, to what do I owe your presence?" he asked as he caught his breath.

"Let's skip the small talk, Dee. Tell me about your night?" Eddy asked sleazily.

Eddward's face scrunched up. "What are you referring to Eddy?"

"Nazz and I were sitting on her porch this morning. We saw Shovelchin leave your house with a dopey grin on his face."

Eddward's cheeks were still flushed from his run so he thought he could play it off. "He only stayed over because it was late."

"Uh huh, right. He told Nazz everything." Eddy said and Eddward wasn't sure how much bigger Eddy's smile could get.

Of course he told Nazz everything. Eddward exhaled as he walked up the steps and he held the door open for Eddy who followed closely behind him. He disposed of his shoes by the closet door and made his way to the kitchen. Eddy made himself at home like he always did and Eddward grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. After quenching his thirst he joined Eddy at the kitchen table.

"So what should I do?" Eddward asked.

This seemed to throw Eddy off, "what?" he asked.

"Should I take Kevin up on his offer and date him?"

"Hold on, you guys are already at that stage? How much have I missed? Last I knew you would barely talk to him." Eddy confessed.

Eddward raised an elegant eyebrow as he stared down at his conniving friend. "I thought Kevin told Nazz everything? Weren't those your exact words?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure he has by now, but I don't know. She left to talk to him after he left your house."

Eddward mentally slapped himself for falling for one of Eddy's tricks. "So you lied to me to retrieve information."

Eddy put his elbows on the table and leant forward, "only so you'd talk. Come on Sockhead. I never thought you of all people would date. Why you're interested in Kevin of all people I'll never understand."

Eddward sighed as he relaxed back into the sturdy chair. "That eludes me as well, Eddy. This entire situation is vast in complication."

"Do you like him?"

Eddward turned to look at Eddy and narrowed his eyes. "Yes, I thought that detail was obvious."

"Then the answer is obvious, you know for a genius you sure are dense sometimes. Just go out with him Dee, you need something good in your life after everything you've been through."

It was times like these that Eddward was truly thankful for a friend like Eddy. Yes, Eddy was a selfish, greedy prick ninety percent of the time, but when it came to the people he cared about, he was there giving his honest opinion and being supportive.

"It's not that easy," Eddward admitted.

"Now you're starting to sound like me." Eddy quipped.

"Kevin is the quarterback of the football team. How do you think his peers will react to us holding hands walking down the hall? The mere thought of him being gay will cause an uproar at our school. Am I the only one who sees the inevitable outcome?" Eddward asked as his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Look, Dee, I get it okay. I feel the same about Nazz. I don't want anyone treating her differently because she's with me. But Kevin can handle himself."

"I hope you're right, Eddy." Eddward swallowed hard.

Eddy reached out and grabbed Eddward's hand and gave him a quick reassuring squeeze, "you can do it Dee. You're the strongest guy I know."

Eddward found himself back where all his misery was relieved, but this time he was there for an entirely different purpose. He was lying in his bathtub in his pajamas without a razor. This was the ultimate test of control. If he could sit there contently without the urge to cut then he could win this battle against himself. He stared down at his wrist and smiled to himself. For the first time in a long time he didn't want to cut. For the first time since he got the sick satisfaction of mutilating his body he felt truly in control. His phone went off from its spot beside the tub on the tile floor and he reached over to answer it.

"Hello Kevin," he answered into the speaker.

"Hey Dee, you busy?"

"Not particularly." Eddward deadpanned.

"Can I come over?" Kevin asked with a hint of nervousness in his tone.

"Will you be spending the night again?" Eddward asked.

"Uhm, that all depends on you," Kevin answered sounding unsure.

Eddward smiled, "come over," he said and then ended the call.

He heaved himself up out of the tub and started to make his way downstairs. When he reached the front door an eager ginger was already waiting impatiently on the other side. Eddward let him in and they headed up to Eddward's room. Eddward sat down on his bed, but Kevin seemed to linger in the door frame, unsure of what to do. Eddward patted the space beside him to beckon him over. Kevin was anxious. His body language was off. Eddward didn't realize how much this must have been eating away at him all day. A wave of guilt ran through his blood.

"So, uh... have you thought about this? Well, I mean us?" Kevin was so nervous he had a thin line of sweat beginning to perspire at the base of his neck.

"I have," Eddward confessed, he'd thought of nothing else the entire day.

Eddward was staring down at his hands and out of the corner of his eye he could see Kevin's eyes fixated into the side of his skull. He knew what he wanted to say, take me I'm yours, but he couldn't say that. What was it about Kevin that caused him to be this nervous and yet comfortable all at the same time.

"If it's alright with you I would rather not have us subjected to a direct label while at school, but otherwise I see no other reason as to why we can't continue on as we are," Eddward said sheepishly and turned to look at Kevin who tilted his head much like a confused dog.

"Is-is that a yes?" he asked hopefully.

"Why don't you ask me again?"

Kevin's eyes grew larger with hope, "Edd, will you go out with me?"

"Yes."

Kevin tackled him to the bed. Kevin's weight pressed firmly on top of Eddward as he brought their lips centimeters apart, but didn't let them touch.

"You know, you had me worried there for a second," Kevin said as his lips landed softly on Eddward's.

"I'm sor-" Eddward tried to apologize, but his words were swallowed my Kevin's mouth.

Kevin pulled away long enough to say, "No more apologizing dork."

Eddward felt like he was in pure eternal bliss. For once nothing else seemed to matter and he prayed to that divine power which may or may not exist to let them stay like that for as long as possible. For once, a razor was the furthest thing from his thoughts even though one was waiting for him in his nightstand dresser.

-LunaMaye