For the first time in what felt like a lifetime Eddward felt what may be akin to pure happiness. He'd only experienced this kind of elatedness on a few secluded occasions. On his sixth birthday when his parents surprised him by spending the entire day with him. The day when he became friends with Ed and Eddy. When he woke up after the accident and he was not alone because Marie wouldn't leave his side. And when Kevin chose him. Yes, those were the few moments and Kevin was trying his hardest to make the time they spent together nothing short of happiness.
Almost three months had passed by and their relationship remained a secret. In the hallways, they made eye contact if only for a few lingering seconds. Whenever Kevin saw Eddward at his locker he made sure to brush against him if he walked by. Whenever Eddward didn't see him Kevin would give him a light shove and then smile at him over his shoulder as he walked by. There was even one occasion where Kevin slapped his ass and Eddward's cheeks burned a fierce red color for the remainder of the day to which Kevin only laughed.
They even ate lunch together less than a handful of times and their sole excuse was the history project they had due which Eddward had completed weeks prior, but the excuse gave them some time together which he was grateful for. And whenever their practices let out they made it a point to walk home together. If people talked, Eddward wasn't aware. Yes, for once Eddward's life wasn't an isolated affair.
Fall would soon be ending and Thanksgiving was fast approaching. Eddward despised Thanksgiving, along with Christmas they were two of the most hated days of his life. Mainly because he spent a majority of the holidays locked away alone inside his house. Holidays were just a reminder that somewhere his parents were off working so he could live what they deemed a decent lifestyle. If they knew what they were condoning maybe they would come home more often.
This year would be different though. This year Eddward had Kevin. For once he wouldn't be alone. At least he thought that up until the day before Thanksgiving break.
The day before Thanksgiving break was a half day and all sports were canceled until school resumed the following Monday. Eddward had seen Kevin in passing a few times that day and each time Kevin refused to look at him. Eddward felt a pang of dread erupt in his gut. It was right behind the scar Jensen had carved into his skin and it left him with a sickening feeling. Maybe it was a sign of something awful to come. Had he done something wrong? Was Kevin angry at him for something? Kevin would barely spare him a passing glance, how was he going to find out what was wrong?
The final class of the day was the history class they shared. Kevin was already in class when Eddward walked in. Kevin had been talking to the person in front of him and as soon as his eyes locked on Edd's they went blank and he cast them down towards the desk. Eddward stopped and stared at Kevin. A mixture of hate and betrayal were pooling in his stomach. He let Kevin in, he had let Kevin see the broken bits and pieces of his soul and this is how he was to be repaid. Something snapped inside Eddward like a coil that had been stretched to its limits.
The bell rang and the remainder of the students took their seats. Eddward wasn't aware at that moment, but a majority of the students were staring at him. Eddy was in the back row calling his name and waving trying to grab his attention, but he couldn't focus on that right now.
The teacher's voice broke through his thoughts.
"Eddward, would you mind taking your seat so we can begin class?"
Kevin finally looked up to meet Eddward's gaze. Now you notice me.
"Eddward?" the teacher said again.
All eyes were glued to him, but the only gaze he cared about was Kevin's. Kevin looked confused, but at the same time upset. His eyes begged Edd to deal with this matter later, whatever it was.
One thought ran through his mind. A single notion.
Fuck this.
Without a word, Eddward turned on his heel and exited the classroom. He could hear the teacher yelling at him, but he didn't care. Eddward had never skipped a class before. Eddward had also never had a boyfriend before who agreed to be there for him and then blatantly ignored him. I guess there was a first time for everything.
Cutting briefly entered his mind, but was soon dismissed; no Kevin's disregard for him was not a reason to cut right now. He surprised himself actually. Normally cutting was the solution for everything. Cutting could cure all his problems. But cutting wouldn't free himself of this anger that ignited deep within his stomach. Right now the rage he felt could only be expelled in one way.
Once he was home, Eddward went to his basement and pummeled his makeshift punching bag. He pretended it was Kevin and he took all his anger and aggression out on it until he was out of breath. One punch after another punch until his knuckles were throbbing and bloody. Eddward had unleashed a new way to deal with anger, one that he had yet to make a false promise about. With every punch to the lopsided bag, pain erupted through his cracked knuckles and resonated through his hands.
His wrist needed a well-deserved break. True it had been almost three months since the last cut to his wrist, but still.
Once he was done he stood back to examine his knuckles. He was sure a few of them were broken and bruises would soon envelop the skin. There were tiny cuts which mixed with his sweat and stung, but it was a welcomed pain. Upstairs he could hear the buzzer to his doorbell chiming consistently. Had that just started? He grabbed his phone to check the time. School was supposed to let out at 11:15 that day, but he had left and hour or so before that time. It was now 11:35.
He had numerous missed calls and texts from Eddy and surprisingly only one from Kevin.
Hmm. He wondered who would be at his door.
He ascended the stairs to the main floor of his house and opened the door as the buzzer sounded again. As he turned the handle the door pushed open forcefully and a grumpy Eddy trudged in shouting.
"What the fuck was that all about Mr. Moody? You just walked out and completely ignored me. I would have ditched with you, ya know." Eddy rambled and then finally took in Eddward's appearance. "What the fuck happened to you?"
Eddward scrunched his hands a couple of times, "I had some aggression I needed to dispel of."
Eddy gave Eddward a quick once over before he said a single word. "Kevin?"
Eddward rolled his eyes. "I thought that was quite obvious."
"So what was with the stare down before class? You guys fighting or something?" Eddy asked.
"Or something…" Eddward answered as his words trailed off. "He's ignoring me today."
Eddy arched an eyebrow, "How so? You guys barely talk in school as it is."
"I realize that, but today was different."
"So what, you come home and beat the shit out of… a wall?"
"Makeshift punching bag." Eddward corrected.
"Right. So you good now? You want me to go punch Shovelchin for ya?" Eddy asked as he pounded his fist into his open palm.
Eddward smiled at the gesture. "Thank you Eddy, but I will deal with it."
"Whatever Sockhead. I gotta go help my mom get ready for dinner tomorrow. She invited Nazz over." Eddy said and turned a few shades whiter.
"You'll be fine Eddy." Eddward reassured him.
"Yeah, until my brother tries to steal her from me, or starts embarrassing me. This is gunna be a disaster." Eddy rubbed his hand over his face and turned to him before he left. "You know you can come over if you want."
"Thank you Eddy, but I'll be fine here. Who knows maybe my parents will grace me with their presence this year."
Eddy frowned at the statement; Eddward's parents had spent maybe three or four Thanksgivings with him. The odds were not in his favor for tomorrow.
Eddward opened the door to let Eddy out and saw Kevin talking with Nazz across the street in front of Kevin's house.
"Last chance Dee, I can walk over right now and sock him right in the jaw." Eddy offered up again.
Eddward's eyes narrowed at Kevin, "no Eddy, that needn't be necessary."
Eddy hopped down the stairs and crossed the street to where Nazz was shoving Kevin. A very stern look was plastered on her face. Kevin was rubbing his arm from where she had shoved him and then he looked back up to Eddward. Once Eddy made his way to Nazz he started yelling at Kevin and then turned to Eddward to give him a thumbs up. Eddward shook his head. Leave it to Eddy to always try to fight his battles for him. Nazz and Eddy departed towards Eddy's house together and Kevin begrudgingly started making his way over to Edd's doorstep.
Kevin looked up at him with a hopeful gaze as if begging him to understand something that had yet to be said and Eddward did the only thing he could think of. He shut the door and slid down onto the floor. His aggression was long gone and now it was replaced with hopelessness and desperation. What if this was it and Kevin no longer wanted to be with him. He knew this would happen. He had jinxed himself from the start. Once you open up to someone they take control. Eddward had relied too heavily on Kevin for happiness and now it was slapping him in the face. He couldn't ignore the inevitable forever, but opening the door wasn't an option just yet.
He heard Kevin's footsteps climb his porch steps and heard his hand on the doorknob.
"Dee, I know you're still there. Open the door."
Eddward remained silent. He felt tears prick underneath his eyelids. Was this truly it? Was Kevin about to end things for good between them?
"Dee please, I don't know what you're thinking, but whatever it is stop. Just-just open the door."
Eddward stood and turned to face the door. Kevin did not sound like himself. Eddward placed his hand on the knob and turned his hand until the door clicked open. He pulled the door open and faced Kevin head on. Kevin looked broken and unsure of himself. Two traits he never once associated with the jock.
"Hey," was all he managed to say.
"Hello, Kevin," Eddward said as he turned and walked towards the stairs.
He heard Kevin close the door and follow behind him. Once they reached his room Eddward took the seat at his desk while Kevin opted to stand awkwardly in the door frame.
"Look," Kevin finally managed to say, "I wasn't trying to ignore you today."
"Really, it sure seemed that way," Eddward responded hastily with venom on his tongue.
Kevin rubbed the back of his neck like he always did in these kinds of situations, "Yeah, I know. You see… I had plans for this break. I wanted to spend time with you, especially tomorrow, but when I woke up today my stepmom told me we were going to go spend the holiday with her family out of town… and I didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry."
Eddward's features softened. He felt like a damn idiot. He'd been acting like a selfish brat when in reality Kevin was afraid to upset him. How often had he acted the same way towards the jock in the past? The first two nights they'd ever spent together Eddward tried his hardest to avoid Kevin and shut him out. Eddward was used to being shut out, but he never realized how much it would hurt being on the receiving end when Kevin was the one closing the door.
Kevin crossed the room and crouched in front of Edd. He took his hands and squeezed them. Eddward hissed from the pain and Kevin furrowed his eyebrows before he looked down to examine Edd's hands. And here comes the scolding.
"What the hell Dee, what did you do?" He asked as he gazed on the bloody and swollen knuckles.
Eddward flinched at the tone, "Punching bag," he answered.
Kevin stood abruptly and began pacing the room. His hands balled up into fists which he clenched at his sides before he turned back to face Edd.
"You did this because of me right?" Kevin asked and was met with a painful silence. "Great, just fucking great."
Eddward hated when Kevin swore, he'd only ever sworn at him a handful of times, and it usually involved Eddward's self-destructive ways. Eddward was a failure of a boyfriend, he knew it. Right now Kevin was probably blaming himself and it really wasn't his fault. Well in a way it was. Eddward did beat the punching bag to a pulp because of Kevin, but the jock had no way of controlling that. He would never have that kind of control over Edd. He would never allow it.
Eddward stood from his seat and flexed his aching fingers a few times.
"Kevin-" Eddward began but stopped when Kevin hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry, okay," Kevin said. "I wasn't trying to ignore you today; I just didn't know how to tell you I was leaving. I know you spend a majority of time alone and I didn't want you to feel like I was ditching you."
"Kevin, it's fine. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I overreacted." Eddward admitted sheepishly.
Kevin pulled Eddward over to the bed and pushed him down before climbing on top of him. He straddled Edd's hips and his hands reached up to discard the black beanie. Edd was pinned down beneath him and Kevin wanted to do so many things to him. He brought his face down close to Eddward's ear. "You have no idea how badly I want to stay here with you." He whispered huskily into his ear.
Eddward's body tensed at the words and his mind unraveled. Kevin had a power over him. He was able to bring Edd to his knees in moments. With just a few correctly placed words delivered to his ear in just the right tone, Edd was left succumbing to his fate.
Kevin bit down lightly on his ear which earned him a low moan from the back of Eddward's throat. Kevin's lips moved toward Edd's placing light kisses on his cheeks until he reached the corner of Eddward's lips. The next kiss should have been placed directly on his lips, but Kevin changed directions and started leaving kisses down his chin until he reached Edd's neck. He shifted his weight as he licked a small patch of skin at the base of his neck and then began to suck at it lightly. Eddward's hand grabbed at Kevin's shirt and clenched onto a fistful of fabric. His knuckles were pulsing, but he ignored it.
Eddward could feel his arousal growing beneath his jeans and cursed himself for wearing pants this tight. What had he been thinking with this new wardrobe? He was suffocating inside this denim cage.
Once Kevin had finished leaving his mark he grabbed Edd's face and crashed their lips together. Kevin's tongue slipped mercilessly into Edd's mouth as it battled for dominance. Eddward was willing to be submissive in this scenario. Kevin needed to reclaim Edd as his own. This was the only time he would allow Kevin to have control. It was the only control he would ever have over Edd.
He could feel Kevin's arousal building as well as it pulsed against him. They'd never gone farther than this and Eddward wasn't sure why. Sure, they were both completely new to this, being with another guy that is. But he knew Kevin had experience with girls. It disgusted him to think about Kevin ever being with somebody else, but Kevin had been. So why was he holding out on Edd like this? Was Edd even ready for a step like that?
As Edd's mind wandered, Kevin's hand had slithered down his body and cupped his arousal outside his pants. Something ignited within Edd and he grabbed at the back of Kevin's neck to pull him in even closer. Their kiss deepened and became almost animalistic. Kevin began to knead and palm at his aroused state and Eddward was slowly losing it. Low moans were muffled by their conjoined lips and Eddward's body needed more. He felt Kevin's hand reaching for the zipper and-
Kevin's phone started ringing in his pocket.
Their eyes shot open and Kevin pressed his forehead against Eddward's.
"That's probably my dad wonderin' where I am."
Eddward was panting heavily. He wasn't sure if he was angry at the blaring noise for disturbing them or thankful for it. On the one hand, his body responded to Kevin and craved for more touch. His body ached for a release which his battered mind couldn't comprehend. His brain was screaming at him. Don't let him in that close. It's dangerous. There's no going back.
Kevin kissed him once more before he rolled off of Eddward and retrieved his phone from his pocket.
"Yeah dad, I know- I'm coming. Okay, sorry." Kevin said quickly before ending the call.
Eddward was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to rein in his teenage hormones. His skin was sensitive to Kevin's touch and he could still feel the lingering presence of faint kisses sweeping across his skin.
"Sorry I can't stay longer. My dad's pissed." Kevin said as he stood in front of Edd.
Eddward nodded. "When will you be back, " he asked.
Kevin crouched down in front of him so they were eye level. "Hopefully by Saturday. My stepmom will most likely go black Friday shopping with her sisters. Maybe after that I can convince her to leave, or at least let me leave."
"And how would you just leave by yourself?" Eddward asked curiously.
Kevin shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "It's only like two hundred miles; I'll walk back to you if I have to." He answered cheekily.
Eddward rolled his eyes playfully, "Ever the romantic."
"Only for you babe." The words rolled off of Kevin's tongue so naturally and Eddward scrunched his nose at the term.
"Babe? Seriously?" Eddward asked. He despised the generic pet name, but at the same time he found it endearing that Kevin had used it.
"Oh right," Kevin began, "I forgot, you and your labels." Kevin seemed to ponder it over in his head for a moment and then he smiled as he placed a kiss on Eddward's cheek. "Get over it. I'll call you later babe." He said as he stood and exited the room.
Eddward sat in silence dumbfounded. This day had played out much differently than he had originally anticipated. True, he would be alone yet again on a holiday, but he was oddly satisfied. Kevin would return soon. Everything would be okay. And even if it wasn't, it was still okay not to be okay.
-LuneMaye