- Polis -
Loud moans reverberated through the room and Lexa fleetingly wondered if someone else had heard them but the muscular tights forcefully clamping down around her head made the thoughts vanish as fast as they came; even if they knew who was in the room no one would dare to speak out loud about it, not public at least and certainly not to her face.
"Heda, Heda" the half hissed, half-moaned words, encouraged her to bury her tongue deeper and faster. For a few minutes she managed to lose herself in the soft and malleable body of the woman in the bed, she let the praises, freely flowing from freshly kissed lips, soothe her troubled soul.
At that moment, in that bed, she was not the commander, the fierce and stoic leader of the coalition but simply a woman delivering pleasure to another.
"Heda, Heda" the nameless woman kept repeating the words like a mantra or a benediction perhaps but this time the easily heard adoration did not inflame her arousal, instead it made Lexa feel nauseous.
She, like all of those who came before, only called her Heda. Like that's all she was… a tittle. For the nameless women that grace her bed is impossible to separate the leader from the lover; besides telling her how amazing she is and how fortunate they feel, they mostly kept silent.
Are they here because they want her or because they are fearful of her reaction if they reject her?
Do they even like her or do they just play along so they can say they spent the night with her? Like Heda's attention is some kind of badge of honor.
It had been a long time since she felt so despondent and insecure but today was simply the worst day she could have chosen to indulge in banal pleasure, today, like every year on this exact date, she always let her tightly repressed emotions resurface; like some kind of self-imposed punishment for her failures.
Lexa felt her cheeks getting wet, when had she started to cry?
The blonde girl was confused by her tears. All morning Heda had been like a wild and indomitable tiger, ferocious and precise, relentless in her attack; she had kissed, nipped, and scratched every inch of her body. A beautiful apex predator but now she was a sobbing mess. Heda was still gorgeous but the sadness radiating from her was such that it made the blonde's heartache in compassion.
She grasped Lexa's face in her hands and gently kissed her. She didn't dare to pry about Heda's private business but maybe she could bring some comfort to their lovely leader.
Lexa kissed the blonde's lips lightly and moved away from the bed without looking back.
"Go… I want to be alone"
"Heda I think…"
"Please leave". Her tone was not unkind but the blonde knew it was not a request.
"As you wish, Heda"
When the woman left, Lexa opened the curtains and sat on the windowsill, the streets were bustling with people; craftsmen, merchants, warriors, and children, all mixed in one big blur of colors and accents. The brunette let out a heavy sigh, more tears fell freely but this time she didn't try to stop them. Those people, her people, her subjects, would they ever understand, would they ever appreciate, how much she sacrificed for them?
Two long knocks immediately follow but a short one interrupted Lexa's wandering thoughts.
"Come in" she called not bothering to hide her forlorn demeanor, even if she had tried Gustus would immediately see right through it, so why bother in the first place?
The warrior smiled awkwardly and fiddled with the cup in front of him. He tried to speak a few times but no words pushed past his lips, what could he say anyway?
"Lexa…"
"I'm fine." Lexa was far from fine, but she lied for her faithful servant. However, a note of exhaustion tinged her voice.
Heda's eyes were shining with emotion, but Gustus knew better than to try and hug her, so he just squeezed the warm hand in his own.
"She wouldn't want you to be like this"
Lexa disentangled the cloth she kept on her left wrist. She stared at it reverently; it was one of her greatest treasures.
A painful smile showed on her beautiful face when she traced the crooked L embroidered on the right corner; the stitches were rough and widely spaced out, a testament to the amateurish skills of its maker.
Costia had given it to her when she won the conclave. She had smiled bashfully and apologized for her crude skills; it was the first and only thing she had ever embroidered. Lexa had simply kissed her and thanked her, delighted by her gift.
Gustus smiled sadly at her; every day Lexa put on a brave face, that fooled everyone around her, but as his bodyguard and closest confident he knew how much Costia's death had affected the young Heda.
He silently cursed Nia; in her quest for power the ruthless Azgeda Queen had not only snuffed the life of a young, innocent, woman but she had delivered her message in a way that ensured no respite for the broken-hearted lover left behind.
Like every year, on this day, they sat in silence and shared a simple meal of corn soup and apple slices with jam; Costia's favorite dishes.
- The Ark -
"This is Raven Reyes contacting the Ark. Over"
In the Ark control room, the first ones to hear the young mechanic were Jaha and Kane.
Jaha immediately sent for Abby and motioned for Sinclair to take over the radio.
"Raven, is it you?" he said to her and she sighed relieved when she heard her boss's voice.
"Oh, come on, Sinclair. A few days away and you don't even recognize your best mechanic's voice? I'm disappointed." She said jokingly and everyone in the room cheered for her.
Many council members were still mad at Abby's treachery but hearing how her plan had worked ebbed away most of their anger.
"Raven, are you ok?. Did you find Clarke?"
"I'm fine Abby, Clarke is fine too"
"Mom?"
"Oh Clarky, I'm so happy to hear your voice"
"I'm ok, mom, don't cry, I'm ok"
"Your wristband signal went out, I thought you were dead"
"I took it out to try and contact the Ark, Monty had the idea to use it as a transmitter and with Raven's help he made it work"
Abby gave Kane the radio; she was openly crying now and couldn't keep talking.
"Clarke, this is Kane. I'm sorry to cut this reunion short but we are running out of time here"
"Did you already start executing people?".
Clarke's words left the whole room stunned. It hadn't been easy to implement Kane's reduction plan, necessary, yes, but still heart-wrenching. To have been asked so openly made many of the council members feel guilty, if they had waited could have they prevented it?
"How do you know about the culling? The council never…" it was Jaha who had taken over the conversation; Marcus was too shocked to respond.
The blonde began to panic; she shouldn't have said anything but her anger and bitterness towards the council had reared their ugly head at the most inopportune moment.
"I know all about the air failure, it's why you imprisoned me in solitary Chancellor… killing people to buy yourselves time seemed like the most logical step"
"Clarke I…"
"It doesn't matter Chancellor, not anymore". Clarke breathed heavily, trying to get rid of her anger, as she told Jaha it didn't matter, not really, she was on the earth now and one day she would meet Lexa again, everything else paled in comparison to that.
"The important thing is that the Earth is survivable"
The delinquents gathered in the dropship could hear the loud cheering through the radio. Everyone was happy about what they were hearing until Jaha asked for silence.
"So the 100 are fine and Earth is survivable?" he asked as they waited for more information.
"Most of us are ok and the Earth is not only survivable but beautiful. There is so much green everywhere, animals and flowers…" Her excitement got the best of her, making the council smile while trying to picture her description.
"Most?"
"Four of us died. Only one life was lost in the landing, the others…"
When Clarke got choked up, remembering how she took Atom's life, his corpse cradle in her hands, Octavia took the radio from her shaking hands.
"This is Octavia Blake. What Clarke was trying to say is that we are not alone on the Ground"
The council members seemed confused. Abby was the first to react to the news.
"Can you explain that? I'm afraid we don't understand what you mean,"
"We are not the last chance at the survival of the human race; there were survivors here on the ground before us"
"So you're saying there are people there?" Kane asked her.
"Yes, one of us was attacked by them. We saved him but just barely, he is okay now"
"What happened to others, you said only one of you died in the landing"
"I will answer all your questions later Kane. All you need to know is that the Earth is survivable and we are mostly okay and Chancellor…"
"Yes, Clarke?" Jaha asked, a bit apprehensive, he never knew what she was thinking.
"It's fucking time you got our people back home, don't you think?"
"Yes, it is" his laughter echoed all over the room, enthusiastic cheers and clapping followed his words.
- Polis -
After having her meal with Gustus they returned to the throne room for a meeting with the ambassadors.
Lexa sat on her throne, maintaining a mask of practiced stoicism and indifference. It was another petty argument that could have been solved faster if the parties involved had simply agreed to work together. Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder how exactly these people had risen to their positions; some genuinely cared about their people but others…
Deliers' voice broke her from her train of thought abruptly, but thanks to her rigorously maintained discipline she did not flinch nor give any indication that her mind was elsewhere; instead, she simply raised an eyebrow and silently willed him to continue talking.
"You seemed... distracted Heda" All of the other Ambassadors were looking at her now but she simply returned their stares.
"The main issue is that Azgeda seems unwilling to cooperate with Sankru, am I wrong Ambassador Delier?". If she was honest she hadn't been paying attention but she was not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know he was right.
The man was shocked at being called out so brazenly but rapidly recovered from his astonishment and stuttered a reply about trying to find a solution that would satisfy both parties.
"Excellent. Now that the matter is solved I shall take my leave, the Natblidas are expecting me"
Lexa was walking through the corridor when Titus' voice caught her attention. Looking at him she felt on guard suddenly. Since she became Heda she had always valued his opinion and considered him an ally but for some reason, she couldn`t shake her distrust. For a fleeting second, the prophecy flashed in her mind treachery lurks and sides shall be crossed, could it be…?. She shook her head to dispel those thoughts, now was not the time to dwell on that and until she had further proof she couldn't do anything.
"What happened at the meeting?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You were distracted, it's not the first time Lexa… you can't let your mind wander like that"
The brunette pointed her dagger at his throat "It would do you well to remember who you are talking to Titus"
"My apologies Heda, I did not mean to offend you. I'm just… worried"
"The commanders have been talking to me, mostly in my dreams but sometimes when I'm conscious"
A look of understanding replaced his scowl and he bowed his head respectfully.
"Anything in particular?"
The same feeling she had when Vada recited the prophecy made itself known, this time there was no pain but the meaning was clear keep it to yourself. She had learned to trust the flame, the past commanders had never steered her wrong and so she heeded their warning without hesitation.
"I will give the natblida their lessons today," Lexa said, completely ignoring his question.
"As you wish, Heda". Titus bowed again and left. Lexa was hiding something but he knew from personal experience that confronting her would get him nowhere; instead, he resolved to bid his time and carefully prod her in the future.
When she arrived at the Natblidas room she couldn't help but smile, they were all training diligently. Aden flashed a smile when he spotted her, but it was quickly replaced with a neutral face.
She knew it was imperative they learned how to keep their emotions in check; the mask of the commander was just as critical for them to learn as the ability to wield a sword or shoot an arrow but she secretly lamented the loss of the smiling children. Lexa wished they didn't have to sacrifice their childhoods but the black blood running through their veins meant their fate was already sealed.
When she called for them they immediately began to gather their things, it took them only a few minutes to clear out of their training area and stand to attention, waiting for her orders. Lexa smiled genuinely at them; they were all so young yet extremely disciplined and obedient, perfect little soldiers.
Lexa's heavy involvement with the young warriors was a bit unprecedented, usually, the current Heda left the training to tutors and other warriors but the brunette had taken upon herself to visit the Natblida regularly. She spared with them and imparted her knowledge about politics and conflict resolutions; her dedication to their success was such that she frequently requested their presence in the ambassadors' meetings and even went as far as to request their opinions on the topics that were discussed.
When Lexa told them they would train with her no one questioned her orders; the Natblida and their guards simply gathered around her and followed as she made her way out of the tower to the training grounds in the forest.
Usually, Lexa enjoyed walking through Polis with her novitiates; they would often take leisurely walks through the city and simply chat with whoever approached them. She taught her Natblida how important it was to talk to the citizens; keeping in touch with them would ensure they kept a grasp of reality, as it was easy to get lost in the war rooms, the ambassador's usual pettiness and the luxury the tower afforded, forgetting who they were meant to serve in the first place.
After her encounter with Titus, she was shaken, an ominous feeling had settled in her heart. She wanted to get to the forest, away from prying eyes, so she didn't stop to chat, instead, she moved as swiftly as her feet allowed without breaking into a run.
If the guards encircling the Natblidas found her behavior odd they didn't dare to comment, instead, they simply marched at Lexa's pace and urged their young charges to do the same.
After they had gone through basic drills, she assessed their weaknesses and paired them up to spar accordingly. Even the younger natblida's form was perfect but none of them, not even Aden, had fully grasped the finer points of strategy in the heat of combat.
Her mind was wandering once again, but this time to her natblidas. The fate that waited for them always made her feel queasy; their youthful faces full of hope and excitement inevitably brought her to her conclave. Rivulets of black blood stained the stone floors, wails of despair and cries of agony followed by the stench of death and silence. Oppressive, inescapable, silence.
"Life begins on the other side of despair" - Jean Paul Sartre (1905 -1980), French philosopher, novelist, and playwright, best known as the leading exponent of existentialism in the 20th century.