I fell so fast. I never thought I'd ever hit the ground this hard. It didn't hurt as bad as I imagined it would, but still…

The pain was waiting. It opened it's door and welcomed me into its waiting embrace. The pain is always comforting because it feels like home to me.

"Come on Eddy, let's just go." Nazz begged as she pulled on her boyfriend's shirt sleeve, but Eddy wasn't budging.

Eddy was furious and ready to march back into that house and give Eddward a piece of his mind. The cul-de-sac kids were all gathered outside of Eddward's house after the infamous punch which had put them all in a state of shock. People talked about how Eddward had changed, but no one had ever witnessed him become violent in the past.

Nazz was desperately trying to talk some sense into Eddy, but he wasn't listening. Rolf and Jonny were speaking quietly near the edge of the porch steps. Jimmy was trembling and Sarah was trying her best to calm down her friend while looking to Ed. Ed was oddly quiet as he stood beside them. His face was pale and his fists were shaking at his sides. Kevin watched him; he had been paying very close attention to Ed for awhile now.

"Ed?" Sarah asked as she grabbed onto her brother's hand.

Ed's expression softened as he looked down at her. "Go home Sarah, take Jimmy with you."

Sarah nodded her head and grabbed Jimmy.

"Let go!" Eddy yelled as he snatched his arm away from Nazz.

Hurt splashed across her face at the gesture and she took a step back. Kevin was becoming really sick and tired of Eddy. They were all having such a nice night. The whole gang was relaxing, sharing stories, and genuinely getting along.

"Knock it off, Eddy." Kevin said sternly as he cracked his knuckles and started walking towards the shortest of the Eds .

Eddy ruined everything, it was that simple. Kevin knew Eddward had been apprehensive at first about all the people inside his home. Well… he was pissed and ready to shove everyone out at first, but after the initial shock and anger wore off he was having a nice night. Kevin even got to hold him while their friends were there and he didn't try to move away or anything.

It was a step in the right direction. Kevin saw progress for their future as a couple. Then Eddy started running his mouth. Eddward was a private person and Eddy had tried to out his best friend. All he wanted was to run back into that house and hug his dork until everything was okay again.

Eddy was still talking, but Kevin refused to listen to anything else. His fists were balled up tight and he was ready for a fight of his own. Eddy was asking for another punch. Before he got close enough Rolf and Jonny moved to stand in his way.

"That is enough Kevin. No more tonight." Rolf said as he crossed his arms and glared down at the ginger.

"Yeah, it's been a long night for everyone," Jonny added.

"This has nothing to do with any of you. It's between me and Dee!" Eddy yelled as he tried to make his way past the barricade Jonny and Rolf had formed.

"You're not going back into that house," Kevin said as he tried to lean around the two blocking his path.

"Oh, but you are? I can't believe you. Just gunna stand there and act like you care now. How long have you known, huh?!" Eddy yelled, his voice hoarse.

Kevin gulped.

"I've had to live with this for years! I've been there. I've seen how bad it gets. I've been the one trying to pick up his pieces. None of you have ever been there when he needed it. It's me: its always been me." Eddy continued to yell out and no one said a word.

Rolf and Jonny glanced from Eddy to Kevin with questioning looks. Eddy took advantage of their brief moment of distraction to lunge at Kevin. They toppled to the ground with a thud as Eddy straddled him. Eddy punched and Kevin barely had a chance to turn his head as a sickening blow connected with his right eye. Pain rippled across Kevin's face as he felt Eddy's weight being hauled off of him. Kevin looked up to see Rolf and Jonny each holding one of Eddy's arms. Nazz ran to Kevin's side and knelt down beside her best friend. She looked up to Eddy and gave him a menacing stare which he merely shrugged off.

"Eddy what's wrong with you?" Nazz cried out as she held Kevin's arm, "How could you do this?!"

"You fucking knew! You knew and you did nothing!" Eddy spat viciously towards Kevin, ignoring Nazz completely as he struggled against the two holding him back.

"It's not like that," Kevin said defending himself as he sat upright.

"Then what's it like Kevin? When's the last time you had to worry if he would still be there in the morning?"

"I kicked down his fucking door! I've been here too! What more do you want from me?" Kevin yelled back still sitting on the ground. "He promised-"

"He lies!" Eddy yelled out and his voice finally broke. "He-" Eddy paused and hung his head. "It's not the first time." Eddy looked up to meet Kevin's stare. "He's smart; he knows how to twist words. Whatever promises he made you, they won't last. He still lies straight to my face and every time I confront him I always back down when he gets angry. I never wanted to lose him, but this- this isn't right. I can't… I can't find him like that again." Eddy confessed as he looked to Ed.

Ed made a strange gulping noise behind Kevin.

"What do you mean? Found him like what?" Kevin asked desperately trying to get answers.

Kevin had found Edd, a few times now in a compromising situation, each time worse than the previous. He couldn't fathom how Eddy had found him in a worse predicament. How bad could it have been before?

Kevin watched as all of the anger which had consumed Eddy completely drained from his body. The kid looked like he had been through hell and back and now here he was battling an inner conflict with himself about his best friend. He knew Eddy cared deeply for Edd, but he always had a weird way of showing it. This was different though. Something had happened before and Eddy was scared.

Kevin didn't like Eddy. He would never like Eddy, but Eddy was Eddward's best friend and he had to acknowledge and respect that. Eddy had been struggling with knowing about Eddward's deadly habits too and for years. And he just couldn't take it anymore. What would happen when Kevin reached that limit? Would he snap too?

Eddy looked from Rolf to Jonny. "I'm not gunna hit him again. Let me go."

Rolf and Jonny didn't ease up until Kevin looked at them and nodded.

"I can't tell you anything else. I'll lose him forever if I do. Just don't… don't leave him alone tonight okay?" Eddy said and waited for Kevin to nod and then he turned to Nazz.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like this." He said and watched as she turned her head from him, clearly not ready to forgive him. "Alright then." He said in a defeatist tone and looked up to Eddward's bedroom window before he turned and stalked towards his house with his hands thrust deep into his pockets. When he got halfway there he turned to meet eyes with Kevin.

"Kevin, I'm serious. Don't believe him when he tells you he doesn't."

Kevin nodded as Eddy finally left.

"Kev, are you okay?" Nazz said as she reached a hand up to inspect the swelling on his face.

He winced as her fingers brushed the slowly forming bruise. "I'm fine." He answered as he met her stare and saw that she was moments away from crying.

"So is anyone gunna tell us what's goin' on?" Jonny asked curiously.

"Yes, is the smart Ed-boy unwell?" Rolf included.

Kevin ran a hand over his head and readjusted his hat.

"He'll be okay, just please don't bring this back up okay? I don't think he's ready to talk to anyone about… well anything yet."

"I see, and are you and Eddward close now Casanova Kevin?" Rolf said.

A furious blush overtook Kevin's face. "Um yeah, I guess you could say we are," Kevin said refusing to look anyone in the eye.

"I knew it." Jonny said as he looked to Rolf who smiled back at him.

"What do you mean you knew?" Kevin asked as his jaw hit the ground and he looked to Nazz.

"Uh-uh, don't you look at me. You were the one being not so subtle on the couch dude."

"Call it the intuition of the son of a Sheppard. Come now Jonny, let us go."

"I think I'm heading home too," Nazz said as she motioned behind them to Ed. "Talk to him, he doesn't look okay."

Kevin glanced behind them to see Ed sitting on Eddward's top porch step rocking back and forth. He watched as Nazz crossed the street and then turned back to Ed.

"Ed? You okay man?" He asked as he came to sit beside him.

Ed shook his head as he continued to sway back and forth.

"Come on Ed, you can tell me," Kevin said trying to encourage the tallest of the cul-de-sac to say something.

"Eddy didn't find him last time. I did."

Kevin froze as he let the words sink in. This was it. This was what Ed had been keeping from him ever since the day Eddward avoided him after school and he ran into Ed. He'd wanted to beat the truth out of him then, but now he could see how traumatized Ed was, whatever information he held, it was eating at him piece by piece.

"Double Dee used to be happy ya know? Even though we were always the outcasts we were happy together. And then he got hurt and everything changed. He wasn't Double Dee anymore Kevin. I still see him sometimes though, but I don't think he lets anyone else see."

Kevin cocked an eyebrow, "What do you mean by that?"

Ed relaxed slightly and stopped rocking as he continued, "I'm not as stupid as you all think. I notice things. Double Dee got hurt and then he was gone and Dee was here to stay, but he let me see Double Dee still. When we play video games, or when we watch movies. Even when we're around everyone else. When we talk I see him. He won't tell me Double Dee is gone because he thinks I can't handle it… I think he's right. I've seen Dee, he's dangerous."

Kevin was blown away by Ed's confession. He never thought Ed was capable of this kind of level of understanding. He gave the big lug credit; he was always judged and made out to be the dimwitted one of the group.

"Why is he dangerous?" Kevin asked when Ed stopped talking.

"I-" Ed sniffled and then wiped his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. "I found him on the floor covered in blood. It was after the accident, maybe a couple months. It was after school had started. Everyone at school was talking about how Jensen was in jail and the rumors were spreading. Everyone kept picking on Double Dee, starting rumors about how he ratted to the cops. It was too much. I went to his house after school one day and he was in his bathroom. He was sitting on the floor and there was blood everywhere. He was unconscious." He gulped and Kevin put a hand on his back. "I thought he was dead. I called Eddy. I didn't know what else to do. There was so much blood. I didn't think he was alive at first."

Ed sighed heavily, "Eddy said he did it to himself. I didn't think people could do that." Ed bowed his head, "when he woke up in the hospital Eddy told him that he had found him. He still doesn't know I know. If he knew he would become Dee to me too. I don't want that."

"I never knew about that," Kevin said as a chill ran down his spine.

"No one does. We kept it to ourselves. Eddy was pissed the hospital only kept him for a few days. Double Dee's real smart. He fooled the psych evaluation and got sent home. " Ed confessed. "Can I give you something?" he asked as he reached into his pocket.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Kevin answered as Ed fished the object out and dropped it in his outstretched hand.

Kevin looked down at the object questionably.

"You need this more than me," Ed said. "It's Double Dee's spare key. He gave it to me when my mom threatened to kick me out. He said I always had a home with him."

"But, he gave this to you. I can't just take it." Kevin said, trying to give back the key.

Ed shook his head. "If anyone's gunna save him, I think it'll be you."

Kevin felt his eyebrows touch his hairline. "Thanks, Ed."

Eddward lied face down on his bed as he struggled to breathe through his pillow. Exhaling was easy. Inhaling was the difficult part. Breathing through a pillow wasn't the most hygienic thing. Dead skin cells. Sweat. Dust mites. But he didn't care. Struggling to breathe through the pillow made his lungs ache and it felt right at that moment.

His shoulders were tense and his body convulsed as he tried to fight back tears. He was angry and upset. He wanted to cry until his heart no longer ached, but he also wanted to march over to Eddy's house and finish pummeling his sorry excuse for a friend. His fingers stirred silently by his sides. They were anxious for more. He still hadn't wrapped his mind around his previous actions.

He had punched Eddy and he had liked it.

At first he had regretted it, how could he just hit his best friend? But Eddy was egging him on. The runt never knew when to call it quits. He always had one more remark or one final jab he needed to get in. Eddy deserved that punch. He was going to tell the entire cul-de-sac about his habit. He had no right! Eddward brought his arms up and wrapped them around his pillow tightly.

How could he?

Eddy was supposed to be his best friend. Why would he suddenly decide to tell everyone? Had he been planning this the whole time? Was their friendship even real?

Looking back on it, Eddy only ever needed Edd in the past for the mechanical part of his schemes. Take away that and Eddward held no real purpose in Eddy's life.

Eddward felt pointless, he had reached a new low.

He felt his pillow becoming wet around his face. He clutched at his pillow as tight as he could, but no matter how hard he tried, it did little to comfort him. He was sure everyone had exited his house by now. He was alone and that's what he wanted, wasn't it?

Solitude. Isolation. Seclusion.

He was used to it all. Hell, he wanted this, didn't he?

Well, if this is what he wanted then why did it feel so wrong?

For the first time that day he didn't want to be alone, but alone he was, and it was all his fault.

Eddy had probably told everyone by now. They all knew he liked to slice his wrists behind the comfort of his false sense of security. They would all judge him now. They wouldn't understand. No one did, not even…

Eddward heard soft footfalls coming from the stairwell outside his bedroom. Someone was approaching cautiously.

Eddward felt a strangled sob lodged in his throat trying to break free, but he refused to release it as he heard the footsteps cross to his bedside. A weight settled and adjusted before lying down beside him. An arm stretched out and rubbed his back soothingly and Edd counted the number of times it made a full circle. He needed to stop crying.

Soon the soothing motion stopped and Edd felt a finger poke his side multiple times. He grunted in response.

"Talk to me," Kevin said in a soft voice.

Eddward's shoulders relaxed slightly, but he refused to remove his face from the pillow. He waited until he was sure his voice wouldn't crack before he spoke, "I have nothing to say."

Kevin snorted at the remark. "That's bullshit and you know it."

"What do you want me to say? That I'm upset? I thought that was quite obvious." Eddward said sarcastically while trying to mask how broken he truly felt.

Eddward felt Kevin jab him in his side with more force than before. He wasn't in the mood for Kevin's belligerence.

He growled and turned his head from the comfort of his pillow until he could see Kevin, "Do you mind. I-"

Eddward's jaw fell slightly ajar as he took in Kevin's face. His right eye was swollen and a bruise was starting to set in.

"What happened?" he asked as he reached out to touch Kevin's eye.

The jock flinched slightly but tried not to move away from the touch. He hissed as Eddward's fingers brushed lightly over the skin.

"Eddy isn't the easiest to reason with when he's pissed off."

Eddward knew his face was red and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot from crying. But Kevin looked a whole lot worse. "Why were you engaging Eddy further? I don't require you to fight my battles Kevin; I'm quite capable of-"

Kevin leaned forward to silence Eddward with his lips. With his free arm that wasn't supporting his head, he grabbed Eddward and pulled him in closer so he could deepen the kiss. Eddward felt his eyes flutter and roll beneath his eyelids as Kevin took control. Kevin broke the kiss so he could push Eddward roughly onto his back and then crawled on top of him.

He straddled Edd and leaned in to capture his lips once again, this time more aggressively. The first few kisses they had ever shared were sweet and gentle, but this one was hungry and demanding. Kevin pushed himself down on top of Eddward as he nipped at his lips. Eddward reached out to rake his nails down Kevin's back. A fire ignited in Kevin as he reached up to run his hands through Edd's hair, knocking the black hat onto the pillow beneath them.

Was this really what Kevin wanted to do right now? Eddward felt like a piece of him wanted to continue while the rest of him wanted to shove Kevin off. He was broken and upset and all Kevin wanted to do was make out? How was that going to solve anything? Come to think of it this was how Kevin tried to avoid any kind of serious altercation.

Edd felt a rush of bliss take over him as Kevin deepened their kiss and he opened his mouth for Kevin's seeking tongue. They clashed and swirled as Kevin demanded dominance, as always. Eddward let him take full control and soon Kevin's hands were grabbing for Eddward's shirt. Their lips separated for a few moments as Edd's shirt came off and then they reattached once again to make up for the brief loss of contact.

Kevin grunted as he pushed his arousal into Edd's thigh. His fingers grabbed at Eddward's sides roughly. Eddward felt his own arousal begging to be freed from the confines of his tight clothing. His body was betraying him. He didn't want this right now. He wanted his boyfriend to understand, but at the same time he didn't want to talk. He absentmindedly reached up to run his hands through Kevin's hair and instead touched the bruised flesh around his eye. Kevin pulled back momentarily in pain but recovered quickly as he went to lunge for Edd's lips again, but Eddward turned his head. This was the excuse he needed.

"What's wrong?" Kevin panted.

"You need to put some ice on your eye to reduce the swelling."

Kevin's body slumped on top of Edd's as he tried to kiss him again, "that can wait."

"No," Eddward said as he pushed him off, "it can't."

Eddward went to retrieve his shirt from the other end of the bed, but Kevin grabbed it first.

"You don't need a shirt to get me ice." He said with a wicked gleam in his eye.

Eddward felt his cheeks turn red. "Very well then." He said as he left his room with a whistle emanating from behind him.

Once outside of the room Eddward felt a sense of unease take a hold of him. Did Kevin really even care? He acted like he did. He said all the right things, but then when it came time to talk his body took control and the lust took over. True, Eddward wasn't really in the mood for talking, but that didn't mean physical contact would solve anything. Did his feelings really matter to Kevin? And would he even work up the courage to form that into a question?

A short while later after Kevin's eye had been iced and their hormones were more intact they laid together on Eddward's bed. Kevin had an assembly of pillows nestled behind his head as he sat almost upright against them. Eddward was settled between his legs with his back laying against Kevin's chest. Eddward had insisted upon returning that he wanted to wear his shirt, but Kevin refused and instead took his own off which he claimed would solve the problem. Eddward in return shook his head but made no further attempts in retrieving his shirt.

Edd was reading a book for his English class while Kevin browsed through a comic with one hand while the other rested behind his head. He didn't have any of his homework assignments here and didn't really feel the need to retrieve them from his house. Whenever he finished a page he would lower the comic into Eddward's line of vision and wait for his boyfriend to turn the page for him.

"I wasn't aware that you were incapable of flipping your own pages," Eddward said in a passive aggressive tone.

"Easier to just have you do it for me," Kevin said in a cheeky tone as he nudged Eddward's beanie slightly.

Eddward grunted at the gesture, but continued reading his book. Kevin had long since lost interest in the comic and now wanted to focus on Eddward. Everything Ed had told him was eating away at him and he wanted Eddward to talk to him. Tell him something, anything to ease the horrible thoughts running through his mind. What if he were to find Eddward like Ed did?

Eddward sighed loudly. "What's plaguing your thoughts?" He asked.

"Huh?" Kevin asked as he was caught off guard.

"I flipped ahead multiple pages in the comic to see if you were actually reading it." Eddward said as he lowered his book and turned so that he was facing Kevin before continuing, "furthermore, you seem troubled and I'm well aware that there's something more you want to say regarding what happened earlier today."

"I mean, your best friend said some pretty fucked up shit earlier. I know you're not okay. You were a mess earlier, and now... I dunno, it's like you're fine." Kevin said as he dropped the comic and placed his hands on Edd's back.

Eddward sighed and lowered his head until he was fully relaxed on Kevin's chest.

"I'll ignore your grotesque use of language, but I'm still unsure of what you want me to say. Yes, Eddy said some truly horrible things. I never imagined he would do that. I was not as careful as I believed, but I refuse to dwell on what he's done. It won't change what's already happened. Clearly I have poor judgment in whom I call my friends and where I place my trust. Although, it's not exactly easy sustaining a friendship with me so I too am at fault." Eddward admitted as he focused on the steady beating of Kevin's heart.

"Don't talk like that Dee, Eddy was drunk and an ass, but he's still your friend. You guys just need to talk." Kevin said as he tried to adjust himself into a more comfortable position, but Eddward refused to move.

"I don't feel as though talking would solve anything at this point. He was prepared to inform everyone about… I don't understand how he thought any of that would end well for either of us."

"He was angry Dee, but he's also worried about you. I don't think he knows how to show it without getting violent."

Eddward nodded his head in consideration before picking his head up to look at Kevin. He arched an eyebrow in thought before speaking, "Why are you defending Eddy? I thought you two were sworn enemies?" He asked.

"Oh, we are," Kevin said sarcastically before his tone changed to a little more serious, "but when it comes to you I think we've found some common ground. Neither of us wants to see you hurt yourself anymore Eddward." Kevin said.

"I've never viewed it as hurting myself because it doesn't hurt. It's always been a way for controlling the pain." Eddward said absentmindedly as if he were thinking out loud.

They laid together in a comfortable silence and pretty soon Kevin noticed that Eddward had fallen asleep. He shifted them so Eddward was lying on the bed and untangled himself from his arms. Kevin stood up to turn off the light and then moved back to the bed when he remembered a promise from earlier in the night. He soon crawled back into bed and grabbed at Edd's waist, pulling the boy closer. Eddward stirred at the contact and felt warmth press along his body. Kevin fell asleep with a wicked smile plastered across his face. Eddward was going to freak out when he woke up in the morning.

-LunaMaye