It was a quiet evening in Peach Creek. Sarah was jumping rope outside while Jimmy read an article out of his favorite magazine. Rolf was tending to his farm while trying to make sure Ed didn't steal Gertrude out of her cage again. Nazz was sitting in her room ignoring yet another call from Eddy whom she was wasn't ready to talk to quite yet. Jonny was having second thoughts about his decision to stop taking Plank out in public. Yes, it was a peaceful evening indeed until a certain redhead saw the two giant hickeys embedded into the side of his neck.

Eddward swore Kevin's horrendous screech could be heard throughout the entire Cul-de-sac.

"What the fuck, Dee?!" Kevin yelled again as he stormed out of the bathroom.

Eddward was hiding behind his hand trying to contain his fit of laughter. Today was not ending how he had imagined it would. That morning he had been overwhelmed by guilt and stress. His nerves itched for an ounce of relief. If someone had told him that by the evening he'd be laying on his bed overcome by uncontrollable laughter after sexually pleasuring his boyfriend he wouldn't have believed them. But there he was, lying on his bed, still only in briefs and laughing at Kevin's meltdown.

Kevin was standing in the doorway with one hand cocked on his hip and pointing to his neck with his other hand. His cheeks were still flushed. Eddward wasn't sure whether it was from his release or noticing the two bite marks. Upon returning to the bedroom to find Eddward sprawled out laughing at him, Kevin scowled.

"It's not funny Dee! I have practice tomorrow! How am I supposed to explain this?" Kevin exclaimed flabbergasted.

Eddward wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Why would you need to explain yourself?" He asked.

Kevin grunted. "Guys are gonna ask which chick did this and want details. I need to cover this up." He said as he rubbed at his neck as if the simple notion would erase the vicious bruises from his flesh.

Eddward struggled not to crack a smile while he gave his sarcastic response. "Make-up is a wonderful thing, Kevin."

Kevin's jaw hit the ground before he tensed up again. "I am not wearing make-up." He said sternly as he strode back into the bathroom to look in the mirror.

Eddward got to his feet and crossed the hall. Kevin was looking into his mirror while gently prodding the darker mark with his fingers. Eddward snickered and Kevin shot him a menacing look.

"So not funny, dude. I've never let anyone leave a hickey on me before." Kevin said seriously before turning back to his reflection. "I think I heard some guy on the team say he used a cold spoon before."

"You could always try the truth," Eddward added as an afterthought but turned his eyes down so he wouldn't meet Kevin's gaze.

The words had escaped his lips before he thought it through. What was he thinking? He was the one who had insisted on the whole "no labels" thing. It was his idea to keep their relationship private. He got an ounce of self-esteem when he was in control of Kevin's pleasure and now he was demanding Kevin tumble out of the closet. Eddward hung his head in shame. Just earlier he was fighting with himself to leave Kevin and now this?

Eddward felt a strong hand lift his chin and then his icy blue eyes were penetrated by a deep gorgeous green. Kevin's gaze held so much unshed emotion. Eddward felt a tremble take hold of his knees. Kevin's mouth opened and the words that came out were not exactly what Eddward had expected them to be.

"Eddward… I can't."

…

…

…

Eddward was dumbfounded. He was sure, "is that really what you want?" or "do you want me to?" was going to fall off the swollen lips of his significant other.

Can't.

That word would forever haunt him. It was a favorite of his parents. Every time they promised to be home for his birthday or Christmas he received a phone call.

Can't. Can't. Can't.

More like "won't" which is what they should say. In all honesty, if they truly wanted to they could. They were the only ones stopping themselves. Now Kevin was falling victim to the same category he placed his parents in.

Eddward felt a range of emotions and feelings begin to eat away at his soul. The place where he locked Double Dee in a long time ago began to stir with forgotten feelings he threw in there with the weak dork.

Forgotten. Abandoned. Ashamed.

Eddward mentally slapped himself for opening that door for Kevin. Of course, it would shut in his face. He felt something keen to fury radiate deep within his core. A red, hot anger that demanded its release as it bubbled in his veins and rippled beneath the surface of his skin.

He felt Kevin put his hands on his shoulders and shake him. Instinctively, Eddward put his hands up and pushed him away. Kevin, who was clearly not anticipating the sudden force, stumbled back.

Why was Eddward never a first priority? No, he didn't want to be labeled, but he was sick of feeling like he didn't matter. Kevin had shown him love. He'd shown him emotions and feelings he never thought he'd experience with someone. Kevin broke down walls to be by his side and although Eddward preferred solitude, he couldn't deny that Kevin had a hold on him.

Eddward felt a sharp pain pierce straight through his heart. He waited for the heartache to follow, but it never came. Instead he felt a numbing sensation wash over him. He'd been waiting for this moment since before Kevin asked him out. He didn't know if he'd be prepared for it. The pain of knowing he wasn't meant to be in a relationship weighed heavily on him.

What was this feeling? He no longer felt hurt.

"Eddward."

Eddward's eyes finally focused on Kevin's. The jock looked uneasy. Sweat was beading along his brows which were furrowed. He swallowed nervously as he waited for Edd to acknowledge him.

Eddward let a small smile grace his lips as his mind finally grasped what he was feeling.

Acceptance.

Eddward's mind started to calculate a response.

"If that is your choice then I accept it," Eddward stated calmly.

Kevin's eyebrows shot up, he clearly wasn't expecting Edd to say that of all things. Kevin grabbed Edd's shoulders and stared into his eyes. He was searching for a falter, some sign that Eddward was lying. But there was nothing for Eddward to hide. For once there wasn't a lie to be told.

Kevin loved him but was afraid to be public about their relationship in the same respect Eddward loved Kevin, but he would never let him in fully.

Once you accept your fate, life can't torment you anymore. They were at a standstill that only Eddward understood.

"Kevin, please release me," Eddward said solemnly and Kevin let go of him slowly.

"Dee, you sure you're okay?" Kevin asked.

Eddward crossed his arms defensively. "Yes, Kevin."

"Look, it's not that I don't want to its just-" Kevin tried to say, but Eddward cut him off.

"I don't require you to explain yourself." Eddward insisted.

"I don't want you to think... just listen to what I have to say." Kevin pleaded desperately trying to form a coherent sentence.

Eddward sighed. "Kevin. You have your reasons for why you wish to remain a secret. I have my reasons for why I'm okay without explanations. Please respect my wishes. I do not want to engage in this matter any further."

He'd heard excuses coated in apologies and reasons his whole life. He was used to this by now. It was natural to him.

He turned and made his way back to the bedroom, but Kevin didn't follow. A few moments later Kevin came in holding a razor. Kevin's shoulders slumped as he stared intently at the object. He gently placed it on the dresser and then walked closer to Eddward.

"Dee. We still need to talk." Kevin said in a low tone. "I didn't just forget about what I saw."

"You didn't 'see' anything. There's nothing left to say on the matter," Eddward answered.

Kevin kneeled before Eddward who was now sitting on the bed.

"But you were gonna do it, weren't you?" Kevin asked in a defeatist tone.

Eddward swallowed nervously. "Yes, I tried. But I couldn't bring myself to initiate the act."

"If I'd gotten here any later would you have?" Kevin asked and grabbed his hands.

Eddward let his head fall forward, "honestly, I'm not sure."

"You promised me."

Eddward felt the urge to roll his eyes, but he withheld from doing so. Kevin would never understand and that wasn't his fault. He just didn't see life the way Eddward did. A few days ago Eddward wished Kevin could, but now, looking at him and seeing how broken he was… honestly; he prayed the day would never come when Kevin saw the world through his eyes.

Eddward once saw the world in an array of colors where possibilities and options were endless. Anything could happen and nothing was off limits. It takes a traumatic event to change someone's view of the world. Eddward no longer saw colors; he'd been reduced to a grayscale of black and white. Eddward had long since made peace with the darkness that plagued his soul. He was certain Kevin would never accept that.

"The promise I made you still remains." Eddward absently answered as he met Kevin's stare.

But that didn't seem to be good enough for Kevin. His grip on Eddward's hands tightened. "Why are you doing this? I'm here. I've been here the last few months and I've tried so hard to help you."

"I never wanted your help. I also didn't expect you to get this close," Eddward admitted sheepishly and his eyes fell to the floor. "I-"

Edd lost his train of thought as Kevin dropped his hands, stood, and wrapped his arms around him. Eddward was pulled into Kevin's chest as he rose off the bed and he didn't try to fight it. He owed Kevin some type of closure. After all, he was fighting with himself an hour or so ago to leave the jock.

Kevin rested his chin on top of Edd's head.

"I can't lose you," Kevin mumbled.

Eddward toyed with a mixture of jumbled up words in his head trying to find the right combination to string into a plausible response. But the words never came to him. Instead he wrapped his hands around Kevin's torso and embraced the hug. Eddward felt Kevin begin to pull away and he looked up to meet his eyes.

"What stopped you?" Kevin asked desperately as his eyes lingered back to the razor on the dresser.

Edd swallowed nervously. Kevin needed to stop.

I love you.

He couldn't say that phrase again. He wouldn't fall victim to it. Not again. Those eight letters, those three words had stopped him from breaking things off with Kevin. The love they shared was mutual, but it was dangerous to mess with. Kevin was plagued by his love for Eddward, Eddward was sure of it. He made it perfectly clear. The more time they spent together, the worse it would become.

What happened if the day should come where Eddward truly couldn't keep his promise anymore? Would Kevin be swallowed up by the darkness Eddward carried within his body? Would he blame himself for Eddward's actions? Physically, Eddward was sure Kevin could take on nearly anything, but mentally… Kevin wouldn't survive. Eddward almost didn't.

"You," Eddward answered honestly. "I didn't do it because of you."

Eddward felt Kevin relax slightly in his arms.

"I want you to make me a new promise." Kevin started and didn't give Eddward a chance to object. "Whenever you feel the urge to cut or pick up a razor call me."

"And if you don't answer?" he asked.

"I will, I promise."

Eddward felt something malicious take over his body as a smile twisted itself onto his lips. Somewhere deep inside his nerves were overcome with joy as the guilt he'd been harboring faded away. Eddward had been graced with what he'd been looking for since he made his first promise to Kevin.

A loophole.

Autumn soon faded and the first snow of the season fell during the early weeks of December. Life went on for Eddward and Kevin, but something had changed between them. Eddward was fully aware of the change and if Kevin knew, he never said anything about it. But Eddward was almost certain Kevin felt it as well.

Ever since that evening together "I love you," had yet to be repeated again. It was always there, lingering in the back of Eddward's mind, but he would not let love take control of him. If he continued to admit his love for Kevin then he would forever be stuck in limbo between the jock and his desperation to carve his body. Until he found a way to achieve both he would just keep his feelings to himself.

Kevin had started changing and Eddward never mentioned it, but he was always aware. Whenever Kevin came over his hoodie always carried the stale aroma of cigarette smoke and his mouth always tasted like mouthwash with the aftertaste of an ashtray. Eddward was quite perceptive of the redhead's newfound habit, but he failed to ever bring it up. Would there even be a point? Eddward briefly wondered if he could use Kevin's smoking as an excuse to self-harm, but that notion was quickly dismissed. Kevin had already given him his loophole, he just didn't know when it would come into play and if the timing would be right.

He felt horrible in a way. It wasn't right to look for a fault in Kevin's promise, but the darker side of him demanded the loophole be used when the time was right. There would come a day when Kevin would fail to answer Eddward's calls.

With midterms coming up and then winter break, Eddward had started focusing more on homework and studying. For once when Kevin asked to come over Eddward was able to turn him down honestly. And that's when the distance and fighting started. Every phone call was tense.

It was late in the evening on a school night. Eddward had just finished preparing his last study guide. Everything was organized and placed out neatly. He was just about to open his textbook when Kevin's ringtone echoed throughout his room.

Eddward rubbed his temple before answering the phone.

"Yes, Kevin?" he asked slightly irritated.

Kevin huffed on the other end, "Well, hi to you too."

Eddward rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers which weren't cradling the phone. "Hello, Kevin."

"Damn, what's wrong with you?" Kevin asked with annoyance seeping through his tone.

Eddward made an irritated sigh, "I was preparing to study."

"What? You're not seriously doing homework right now? You said you were doing it a few hours ago." Kevin exclaimed.

"I'm studying Kevin. It takes time." Eddward said without hiding the frustration in his voice.

"Yeah. Yeah. And you'll still get an 'A' either way. Look, can I come over for a little while?"

"No, you may not. The timing is inconvenient. You always manage to stay the night and I have too much I must accomplish before I retire for the night."

"Sorry, didn't realize wanting to spend time with you was such an inconvenience." Kevin reiterated bitterly.

Eddward sighed heavily. "You're incorrectly interpreting what I'm saying."

"Ah, so what, I'm stupid now because I don't get what you mean." Kevin said bitterly.

Eddward was growing more irate by the millisecond. "Kevin, I don't have the patience for whatever this is."

"Yeah, that makes two of us." Kevin said and ended the call.

Eddward could almost smell the nicotine through the speaker on his phone. Their conversation left a foul atmosphere inside Eddward's bedroom and he found himself struggling to focus. For once Eddward wasn't making excuses. He was being honest and yet, that still wasn't good enough. Kevin had become so accustomed to barging into his life that now it was considered a social norm. Wasn't Eddward allowed some space? He wasn't asking for a lot. He truly wished to study, but now his focus was messed up.

He crossed his room to the bed and collapsed gracelessly

Maybe if I rest my eyes for a few moments…

His last thoughts before he drifted into a light sleep which couldn't have lasted for more than thirty minutes. He was ripped back into reality by his phone ringing.

Damn it, Kevin!

All he wanted was a tiny bit of solitude, just a smidge. In Eddward's enraged state he failed to notice that it wasn't Kevin's ringtone that was playing, it was one he hadn't heard in a very long time.

Eddward hastily answered the phone with an offended, "yes?"

"Eddward," a distressed voice managed to choke out in a broken sob.

Eddward bolted upright. This wasn't right. The owner of this voice never sounded like this, not in all the years they had known each other.

"What's wrong?" he asked anxiously with worry edging his tone.

He was answered with labored breathing followed shortly by, "I-I need you." the voice managed to say through another sob. "I'm sorry, but I didn't know who else to call."

Eddward's heart felt heavy upon hearing those words. She felt sorry. All the times he had called her in the middle of the night and she never once thought he was a burden. Surely she didn't think he thought of her like that. Eddward owed his life to her. She had saved him.

"Marie, where are you?" he asked impatiently.

"The park." She admitted sheepishly.

"I'm coming," he said as he dropped his phone.

He sprang out of bed with a new found vigor and quickly laced up his running shoes as he rounded out of his room and down the hall. He almost tumbled down the stairs, but quickly regained his momentum.

Eddward ran as if his life depended upon how fast he could reach her. In all his track meets he never ran with such a drive. When running he never gave himself a destination. It was always a means of escaping his problems until they caught up with him. They were always right behind him, looming over his shoulder, waiting for him to trip. But this time was different. This time someone needed him to not look back and keep moving forward.

Thirty minutes earlier…

Across the street Kevin gripped his phone angrily and flopped onto Nazz's bed while she paid his melodramatic meltdown no attention. She was busy typing out a lab report as Kevin sighed heavily. She rolled her eyes and continued to type. Her back was towards him and she only had a few sentences left. Kevin sighed again, clearly trying to gain her attention. Nazz swiveled around in her computer chair.

"Seriously dude?" she asked impatiently. "I have to finish this and then I need to study for bio. You should try studying too if you don't wanna be kicked off the team."

Kevin grunted as he sat up and began fishing around in his pocket until he grabbed a cigarette out of the almost empty carton and placed it between his lips. Before he had a chance to light it Nazz squashed it between her fingers.

"What the fuck Nazz?" Kevin swore aggressively as Nazz tossed the crumpled tobacco stick in the trash.

"You wanna destroy your lungs, be my guest, but not in my room Kev." Nazz lectured.

"Whatever," he mumbled as he got up and left the room.

Kevin exited the house and sat down on Nazz's front porch and glared angrily across the Cul-de-sac at Eddward's house. He lit a cigarette and perched it between his lips. He took a long drag and held it for a few moments before he exhaled the smoke into the cool air. He never imagined himself as a smoker. He knew he shouldn't but it was the only thing that calmed him down after he and Eddward had a disagreement.

Kevin felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up towards Nazz as she sat down beside him. Kevin averted his eyes and continued his long heartbroken stare at Eddward's house. He took another deep inhale off the cigarette and Nazz wrinkled her nose beside him.

"I really wish you wouldn't smoke." She confessed as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Kevin shrugged his shoulders and he felt Nazz readjust her head against him.

"I'm worried about Dee." Kevin said and then looked towards Nazz, "he's different now."

Nazz scrunched her eyebrows, "different how?" She asked.

Kevin held the cigarette between his lips and thrust his hands deep into his pockets as he talked around the small obstruction. "Something's changed about him. I can't say what, but it's like he gave up. I dunno. It sounds dumb sayin it out loud."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

Kevin let out a sarcastic chuckle. "Yeah, talk to him. You heard us on the phone. There is no talking anymore. Just turns to fighting."

"I mean, it's none of my business but it seemed like you wanted to fight with him the minute he answered the phone." She said honestly.

Kevin sighed as he stared up into the night sky, "guess I was already anticipating the lies. He's always got an excuse not to see me."

"You started smoking because of him, didn't you?" Nazz blatantly asked. "Seems like you always light one whenever you talk to him."

Leave it to Nazz to not be subtle when she wanted to get to the bottom of something. Kevin didn't want to answer. He looked back to her and noticed how she chewed on her bottom lip. There was more.

"What?" Kevin simply asked.

Nazz quickly shook her head and averted his gaze. "It's nothing." She mumbled.

Kevin nudged her until she finally looked up at him. "Just say whatever it is you're thinkin'."

"It's just… he's not the only one who's changed Kev. You have too. I-" Nazz paused as she stared at the ground.

Kevin let the almost burnt out cigarette fall from his lips onto the concrete. He picked up his shoe and stomped on it.

"Look I get it Nazz. You think I don't hear the whispers in the halls or notice how the team suddenly stops talkin when they see me. I don't even party anymore. I used to be the life of the party and now I barely make an appearance. I drink every chance I get and I buy a pack of cigarettes every time I pass a corner store. I have to mentally prepare myself every time I see Eddward just in case I find him-" Kevin stopped before he admitted it to himself. He balled his hands into fists inside his hoodie. "It's just that Dee needs me… I need to be there in case-" Kevin stopped unexpectedly.

"He cuts himself." She answered for him as she reached into Kevin's pocket and squeezed his hand. "Eddy told me." She confessed.

Kevin was slightly relieved, but at the same time upset at this sudden knowledge. He always kept Eddward's secret to himself. Sure, there'd been countless times where he wanted to vent to Nazz or ask her opinion, but he never did. He didn't have the right to. But Eddy and Eddward had been friends for longer than Kevin could remember.

"You guys talkin' again?" Kevin asked nonchalantly; glad to have the conversation taken away from his personal life.

Nazz shrugged as she continued to lean against Kevin. "I guess. I tried ignoring his calls. I finally gave in and answered the other day and he told me about Eddward lying to him. I've never seen him get like that though. It scared me. I know Eddy's sunk low in the past, but the way he was going to tell everyone about Dee was just wrong. I don't want to be with someone like that. Besides, our relationship only exists in the cul-de-sac."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but forgive him." It felt weird for Kevin to hear those words leave his lips. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he would ever stand up for Eddy.

"I've seen firsthand what Dee is capable of doing to himself," Kevin shuddered as images of Eddward rolled through his mind: their first night together, scratching his knuckles until they bled, what he could have found in the bathroom.

"And I see what it's doing to you. Kev, please don't take this the wrong way, but sometimes love isn't enough to save someone." Nazz stated sincerely and Kevin pivoted his head to her so fast that a pain shot through his neck.

"I never said anything about love!" He yelled defensively.

Nazz giggled, but it was a sad one, the one you do when you're trying to make someone feel better, but you know you're not the one who they want beside them. "You didn't have too, it's written all over your face."

Kevin relaxed slightly. This was Nazz after all. If there was one person who he could always be himself around and not feel ashamed for it, it was her. He chuckled lightly, "that obvious, huh?" he asked.

Nazz gave him a half-hearted smile. "Kev, I know you. You put your all into everything, including relationships. But… this might be something bigger than you or Eddy can fix."

"I can't just give up on him Nazz. He already feels like his parents did. Eddy too for that matter. I can't let him think I'm the same way." Kevin confessed and he felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

"It's not giving up. Maybe Dee needs real help and then you guys can try again. I honestly don't want to see either of you get hurt, but that's all this is doing to you."

How could she seriously suggest that? She hadn't been there. She hadn't seen the after effect Kevin had on Dee. The way he could calm him down and make him open up. Yes, right now they were hitting a rough patch, but that happened in all relationships.

"Relationships shouldn't be this hard Kevin." Nazz said and Kevin could tell she was speaking for the both of them.

Kevin huffed into the night air as Nazz squeezed his hand. "Come on, let's go back in. I still need to finish my report and then we can watch a movie or something."

Kevin stood and started to walk inside with Nazz trailing closely behind him. As she went to shut her door she heard a door slam from across the street. She turned her head just in time to see a figure dashing out of Eddward's house and off into the night at an alarming speed.

"Hey Kev?" she asked as the figure disappeared into the night.

"Yeah?" He asked as he turned to look at her.

"Why did Dee say you couldn't go over?" she asked as she stared off into the night.

Kevin moved to stand beside her and tried to see what she was looking at.

"Said he was studying. Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"I… I think he just ran down the street."

Kevin pushed her aside as he stepped back out onto the front porch. It was too dark to see anything past the entrance of the Cul-de-sac. He looked up towards Eddward's house and noticed that his bedroom light was still on. He swallowed nervously and took out his phone. He dialed Eddward's number and brought the phone to his ear.

He called multiple times, but every call resulted in the same way.

No answer.

-LunaMaye