It starts as a burning feeling that slowly spreads throughout your entire chest cavity. This is accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling of fullness. Like there's so much pent up energy begging for release. Its chosen to reside inside your body and wrack you with anxiety because it doesn't have anywhere else to go. The fullness soon gives way to a tightness that stretches across your skin like invisible fingers trying to tear your ribcage open. Your lungs are compressed as they're buried under the weight of essentially nothing. It's nothing. At least that's what you say when someone asks if you're okay.

"Oh it's nothing. I'm fine."

It's all you say to them. Technically it is the truth. There is nothing to tell because you're trapped and you wouldn't even know where to begin. Your heart is beating rapidly, trying to pump blood through useless veins which start twisting into tight mangled knots. They wouldn't understand. No one does.

"What's wrong?" Marie asked as Eddward slammed the passenger door shut.

Eddward pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself. Everything had happened so fast. He'd said some things, so many things. Did he mean them? Did he mean a word of it? One minute Kevin was breaking up with him and the next... Eddward snapped. He had told Kevin from the beginning he couldn't do this. He'd told him a relationship wouldn't work.

Kevin made him feel things.

Kevin made him open up.

Kevin made it impossible not to fall in love.

He couldn't get a handle on his breathing. He couldn't calm down. Guilt and pain wrestled around inside his petite frame as he came to terms with the gravity of the situation. He and Kevin were done; completely over with.

Marie reached a hand out and touched his arm. "Edd?"

His head snapped up. "Drive the car, Marie." He choked out.

Marie moved her hand up and squeezed his shoulder lightly, "Edd, you can talk to-"

"Just drive the car!" he yelled.

It was all too much. He wanted this though. He had to convince himself that he wanted this. He was meant to be alone. Now he could go back to his old ways. This was the freedom he had longed for. This is the loophole he'd been waiting for… but why did it hurt so much? And at what cost did it come. Was reckless self-control really worth losing the one individual who made him truly feel alive. Was Kevin's sanity worth a lifetime of misery?

The car ride was quiet except for a few strangled sobs from the passenger seat. Marie kept her eyes glued to the road as she turned into the cul-de-sac. The car came to a halt in Eddward's driveway. Marie swallowed as she turned her attention back to Edd. He seemed lost to reality.

"Edd, we're at your house." She said quietly.

Eddward's dead gaze sent a cold chill down Marie's spine. Eddward sniffled once more as he turned his face away from Marie. He refused to look at her as he exited the car and began walking towards the house.

"Hey, Edd! Wait a minute!" Marie called out as she clambered out of the car after him.

He strode to the front door in long and powerful strides. Marie was right on his tail and quickly slipped between him and the door.

"Edd," she said calmly.

His eyes were focused on her, but they weren't seeing her. It was like they were looking straight through her into the absolute nothingness of a blackholed abyss.

"Marie," he answered in a broken voice, "please..."

"Hey, talk to me. What happened?" she asked.

Eddward shrugged, but never removed his eyes from her. "There's nothing more left to say. Move, please."

"I'm not buying that for a second, Edd. Talk to me or I'm not budging." Marie said as she crossed her arms.

Eddward swallowed. "Kevin ended it." He managed to say.

Marie dropped her arms. "Oh my God, Edd. I… I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

She moved in to hug him and as she did he fished his house keys out of his pocket and began unlocking the door. It was too much. It was all too much. The touching was overwhelming. Talking about it made him feel like he was choking on words. He needed to remove himself from the situation.

"Move Marie, please." He begged as she hesitantly dropped her arms and stepped aside.

Eddward was a runner and sprinting from his problems was his specialty. Before Marie had a chance to blink he was gone. Through the house, up the stairs, and into the bathroom with the door locking behind him. He pressed his back against the door and a few seconds later he could feel tiny fists pounding behind him.

"Edd! Open the door Edd!"

He thumped his head back in response.

She started begging and pleading with him. He could hear her, but he wasn't listening. He strode across the small room and crawled into the tub. He curled in on himself inside the porcelain tomb which would once again take him prisoner. The door was shaking to a definitive beat as delicate fists continued to thump against it. It became a steady rhythm that formed a soothing melody for his malevolent thoughts. All her words seemed to blend together into a symphony for one as he hugged himself tightly.

He wanted to be alone.

He was finally alone.

Couldn't she just respect that?

He'd been through this before with his parents. The dreaded 'I love you,' followed by abandonment and disappointment. Why is it that when you need someone the most they're nowhere in sight. Was Eddward's existence some kind of cosmic joke to the universe? Or was this all his fault to begin with?

He'd become a master manipulator over the years to his fellow peers. He was a magnificent actor which his desolate personality had concocted over endless nights of pain and misery. His audience was oblivious to what occurred behind the shower curtain when he left the stage. The ventriloquist dummy was tangled up by puppet strings that even razors couldn't slice from his soul. He let out a strangled sob that broke into a desperate laugh.

Eddward truly believed that Kevin cared; Kevin could have been the one to save him from himself. Eddward was finally able to admit that. Kevin could have.

Could have.

But he couldn't…

And now he never would.

Eddward was vaguely aware of the passage of time as the light coming through the bathroom window was replaced by pale moonlight. He pulled his phone from the depths of his pocket. Numerous messages were flashing on his screen, but he didn't care. The time read 8:14pm.

Eddward slowly emerged from the tub. He stretched his aching limbs from the tight confines as he made his way to the bathroom door. He unlocked it and pulled. Marie, who had been leaning against the door, fell back as the support was yanked from her. She landed with an "oof," as her body hit the floor. Eddward arched an eyebrow as he looked down at the frail girl at his feet.

She couldn't save him either.

He stepped over her and made his way into the bedroom. He dropped his jacket to the floor and crawled under his blankets and pulled them tightly around his body. The tears still stung at his eyes as he tried to keep them from rolling down his cheeks. He heard small footsteps shuffle across the floor. The blanket was tugged from beside him and small delicate hands encompassed his face. They stroked his skin tenderly.

"I'm so sorry, Edd. I don't know what I can do to help," she whispered.

She reached out and tugged him in close. She wrapped her arms around him as he rested his head between her neck and chest. He could hear her heart beating rapidly and he counted the beats. Her dainty fingers ran through his hair and under his hat as she stroked him in a steady motion. He felt her lips place a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

He closed his eyes tight. "I regret that you saw me in this condition."

Marie's hand squeezed the hair under his hat. "Its okay. I told you I'm always here for you. I'm not going anywhere." She answered reassuringly.

It was true. Marie was always there when he needed her without fail. Eddward slowly lifted his eyes to meet hers. The room was cast into darkness, but the moon illuminated just enough of her face so that he could see that her eyes were puffy and red. Her face was slowly moving closer to his and he wasn't sure what to do. Her lips were parted slightly as they inched closer and closer to his face. Their faces were so close that he could feel her warm breath. He closed his eyes as he felt her lips press against his own.

She was perfection crafted at its absolute finest. Ideally, in a perfect world she would hold the correct combination to open the complex lock on his heart. But fate was a cruel and ignorant tyrant that wouldn't allow him such a peaceful sanctuary.

He scrunched his brow. Her lips were wonderfully soft and inviting, but they weren't the slightly rough and sometimes chapped ones that silenced him in a heated dispute. Her hand moved slowly to cup his face. Her skin felt soft and silky and more than anything he missed the calloused palms that once held him firmly in place. Her dainty tongue slowly poked at his lips asking for permission. Nothing like the tongue that darted in to seek dominance.

Eddward sighed unintentionally and Marie broke the kiss to stare at him. He was fully aware of her feelings for him over the years. It was painstakingly obvious when they were young kids. As they matured she kept giving him subtle hints here and there. Moreso after his accident. Coming over in the late hours of the night after a particularly bad nightmare. Or staying on the phone with him until the early hours of the morning until the darkness couldn't trap him anymore. Yes, Marie was everything he needed in a person.

And yet the only person he could imagine being intimate with had deep green eyes, ginger bangs poking out of an old, beat up red baseball cap with slight stubble that adorned a strong jawline.

"Marie, I can't." Eddward said.

Eddward saw the exact moment when the realization dawned on her that they would never be anything more than what they were right now. Her eyes seemed to lose some of their color. Her soul deflated before him like a defective balloon.

"I-I know," she whispered.

Silent tears and occasional sniffles followed them into the late hours of the night until sleep finally took them hostage.

"He left me for Marie!" Kevin hollered as he slammed his fist into his locker door.

"You don't know that." Nazz said as she grabbed some books from her locker.

Kevin huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Her car was still at his house this morning. He was threatening Tom yesterday in the locker room over her. I can't believe I was this stupid. He broke up with me and had her spend the night again. All that bullshit about being alone… he played me Nazz."

Nazz sighed as she threw her book bag over her shoulder.

"Come on, Kev. There must be something more going on. Have you tried talking to him again?" she asked.

"I called, but he didn't pick up." Kevin answered as he turned his head to Eddward's locker. "And now he's not at school."

Nazz followed his gaze as she sighed. "Didn't you originally plan on breaking up with him anyway? I'm still confused about that."

"Well yeah. I did. But then he changed and all of a sudden it was like nothing we had was real. Like the whole thing was one big joke to him." Kevin admitted as he slumped back against the metal wall lined with lockers.

"I don't know, Kev. The only person who can answer that for you is him."

Kevin tilted his head back as he absently stared at the ceiling. "Yeah, like he'll actually tell me the truth."

The warning bell chimed signalling the students to hurry to their assigned classrooms.

"We'll meet up after school and talk more okay? Take it easy, Kev. Don't do anything stupid." Nazz said as she walked down the hall.

"Later," was all he said as he kicked the foot of his locker and walked to his classroom.

He got into the classroom right before the bell rang. There was a teacher Kevin didn't recognize sitting at the front desk. She was cleary new to teaching and nervous as she dropped the stack of papers she was trying to organize. Kevin helped her pick them up and she gave him a warm smile.

"Thank you, Mr…?"

"Kevin Barr." he answered.

"Thank you Mr. Barr. I'm Ms. Jefferson." she responded politely.

"Where's our normal history teacher?"

"Oh, he's out on medical leave. I'll be subbing for the time being."

Kevin nodded and turned from her. As he approached his usual seat he looked back to where Eddward would usually sit. The chair remained empty, but that wasn't what caught his attention. It was the short-tempered companion of his ex who was spotting a lovely black eye. Kevin wandered to the back of the room and sat beside Eddy. Kevin nodded at Eddy.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

Eddy huffed and crossed his arms. "Don't worry 'bout it Shovelchin." He mumbled.

Kevin sighed, "alright, whatever then," he said and went to stand up.

"Aye wait a minute, you seen, Dee today?" Eddy asked.

Kevin froze. "No. I haven't. Why?" He asked with anger rising in his tone.

"Geez, forget it Shovelchin. Just wanted to know why he wasn't here today." Eddy said defensively.

"Pffft. Like he'd tell me anythin'. We ain't exactly talkin'." Kevin said as he sat back down.

"Awe, you guys havin' a little lovers quarrel?" Eddy mocked.

Pain rippled across Kevin's face. He swallowed hard. "We're not together anymore. H-He ended it."

Kevin had gained Eddy's full attention. "Whoa, what?" Eddy asked exasperated, "what the fuck happened?"

Kevin had no idea why. Not a single clue. The last person in the entire universe he ever thought he'd talk to about his relationship was Eddy.

Kevin exhaled loudly. "Yeah. Yesterday after school. He confronted that kid who was harrasin' ya at lunch in the locker room. He-"

"Tom?" Eddy interrupted.

Kevin raised an eyebrow, but continued. "Yeah, that asshole. Punched him in the face. It was like he was this whole other person. He was sayin' some shit about him not goin' near Marie. After that we kinda got into it. He basically told me we were never real and he was better off without me," Kevin started and then grunted angrily. "Fuckin' liar," he looked at Eddy, "Marie's car was at his house. Been there the last two nights. He's with her."

"Oh my God. You're jealous… of Marie?" Eddy asked while laughing.

Kevin gave him a death glare. "He fought Tom for her. Went home with her. Probably slept..." Kevin started to say, but then the words died on his lips.

A whole new fear washed over him and pulled him under the current.

"Dude, you're an idiot. Dee don't like her that way. Never has. Besides, you're forgetting somethin," Eddy pointed out, but Kevin still didn't seem to be getting it. He signaled for Kevin to move closer to him before he whispered, "He's gay."

Kevin pulled away and rolled his eyes. "So why's she there? What's so special about her that she gets to be there and I get ignored?" Kevin asked.

"Dude, don't take it personal. She was the one who found him after the accident. Stayed in the hospital with him. They have some sorta bond thing. He loves her, but not like that."

"I don't know Eddy…" Kevin said defeated.

"Look, if shes at his house then something's up. Plus he skipped school. He never skips… well except for when you pissed him off." Eddy started to say and Kevin's face drained of color. "Relax, he won't… ya know… do anything stupid. That's why she's there. She stays with him when he gets like that. She won't leave 'til he's good. She's the only one who gets to see him like that. Used to piss me off to no end, but he's safe with her. So relax."

"Yeah. Relax," Kevin sighed.

"Edd, I'll be fine. You really don't have to worry." Marie said as she tried to make her way to the door.

Eddward grabbed her hand to stop her, "and what if he's at you house waiting?"

Marie pulled her hand back and planted both hands firmly on her hips, "I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

Eddward furrowed his eyebrows, "Yes, because you did such a magnificent job at that the first time around." He bit out angrily.

Marie glowered at him. "Screw you, Edd! You don't get to talk to me that way!" She yelled with a hint of sadness creeping into her tone.

Eddward sighed heavily. This is not how he wanted this conversation to go. Marie was being unreasonable, irrational, and quite ridiculous to think she was just going to go back home without his protection.

"You're not my boyfriend. You don't get to tell me what to do." She added snapping him out of his thoughts.

He lowered his eyes at her. After what had happened last night she was still bitter. Eddward knew that the kiss meant everything to her. She'd harbored feelings for him since they first met. She wanted that kiss to change him, to mold him into some new redefined image. She wanted an Eddward that longed for her and yearned for her affection. He could never reciprocate those feelings. His brain wasn't programmed to love his optimal female counterpart. It was one of his many defects.

"You're right. I'm not your boyfriend. Because if I were I would never even consider the possibility of laying a hand on you. To even fathom such a despicable notion is truly grotesque. This conversation wouldn't even be taking place." Eddward said trying to resist the urge to scream at her for her mediocre choice in men.

She deserved better than both of them.

Marie's hard expression softened, "I know. You're better than he is." She sighed, "May and Lee are home. They were out the night he hit me. I'll be okay." She said as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his frame.

Eddward stiffened in her embrace. "If he shows up you-"

"If he shows up I'll call you. Okay?" She finished for him.

Eddward relaxed slightly as he watched her leave the sanctuary of his home. He squeezed his fists at his sides as he tried to calm himself. He looked up at the clock on the wall. It was 7:05. Even though today was a half day he had no desire to attend. He didn't care about tests. He just couldn't get his mind to focus. He swallowed the lump in his throat and walked over to the window. He caught the last glimpse of Marie's car leaving his driveway before his eyes focused on the house directly across from him. As he gazed one thing became abundantly clear.

Kevin was the only one for him and had ruined everything.

-LunaMaye