The image of Elvis had strange proportions, more like a Qulpari than a person, but I couldn't say anything bad about it, any more than I could complain about pictures of white Moses, black Santa Claus, or Asian Bible pictures. If something means something to you, you tend to make it personal, and honestly, race is rarely an important detail.

Still, Qulpari Elvis had the hair, outfit and pose perfect. Unmistakably 'the King.'

Charlie flitted in ahead of us.

Surprisingly, the interior of ET's house wasn't a kitschy as the outside. In fact, the decor seemed to have a vaguely Asian flavor. Wood construction, screens, brush paintings, low table with floor cushions instead of chairs. A script that resembled Afaka decorated panels on the walls, but my ear slug didn't gift me with reading ability.

One weird item: Actual grass rustled beneath us, serving as carpeting, and food plants grew from the walls and ceiling.

Off to one side stood a translucent blue green thing resembling a jellyfish, as big as a king sized bed. ET informed me it actually was a bed, called a jamassi. At his prompting, I sat on it. Although scary at first, it did not try to swallow me like a blob. In terms of firmness, I'd compare it to a waterbed. After a conversation with Pabyeba, he apologized, told me this was a bed for her, Meazquad and himself, but he'd set out guest pallets for us three children. The ones he showed us did resemble puffy mattresses,so I figured we'd be okay.

ET gave my sister and Jamie ear slugs and ear spray and carrying cases.

We looked into the study, store room and kitchen. A room on the lower level of his gourd house contained their air conditioning system - like an ondol, it warmed or cooled areas of the floor you stood on (the places not covered in grass, of course) but it somehow also altered the temperature of the whole building without the use of pipes or ducts -some kind of energy efficient system based on pressurized air.

"A spider!" Jamie suddenly cried, stomping the floor.

ET waved his hand, and the spider flew up into his palm. Please. Calm yourself. We use spiders to regulate the population of flying insects. And he placed it in a web near the door.

Jamie shuddered. "I'm going to be mad if I get bit and my leg swells up!"

Colzest harumphed and shook his head like he expected such a reaction from her.

The bathroom had that standard pitcher plant type of toilet. I found the shower the unusual thing. You stepped into a capsule with an air mask, and the liquid cycled over you, dishwasher-like a couple times, filtered and refiltered so you got clean, and pipes took the waste water out, filtered, to irrigate the houses plant life.

I peeked into the room where they kept the egg laying jacuzzi, but this embarrassed ET and his...mates, like looking into his underwear drawer or something.

Their stove operated like a hot plate, but nothing in the house had power plugs. Roy suggested that the aliens had actualized Nikola Tesla's dream of wireless electricity.

Gertie grinned when she saw Pabyeba, Tolmina, and Meazquad again, becoming a lot more lively and talkative, especially when she met ET's catfish-like pet `Wotrevi,' a speckly version of Chewie.

When Roy discovered Gertie had brought along a tape deck, and the zoo had shipped it to ET's house, his mood improved too. He pushed play, chuckling as he listened to Against All Odds. "You bring any other tapes?"

My sister shrugged. "I had one with Monster Mash and the Purple People Eater but we went to that place without it. I don't know where it is now."

Jamie rolled her eyes at the man. "Don't your alien friends have music recordings and stuff? From earth?"

"There's...a lot to go through, and the sound quality isn't always that good. They practically have the library of Congress on their systems, but without the helpful categorization. I end up wading through a lot of redundant stuff, car commercials, the TV movie of the week (without the picture), back to back V2 stations, The People's Court, talk radio...sorting all that crap takes forever, kinda feels like work. It takes a lot of time, and nobody seems to understand that having music on a program or a commercial doesn't make it a song, especially if it's Juicy Fruit and Big Red gum...I've actually developed a taste for their music, kinda out of laziness than anything else."

For lunch, we had Abgigta, `vegetable pockets,' basically, a fried food similar to crab Rangoon, but it's stuffed with something that tastes like spicy cornbread with peas and tofu in it. We sat on the floor pillows and ate around the low table, introducing ourselves to our hosts, telling them whatever they didn't know about us, our world, and how we got there.

A neighbor called to Meazquad from the window. He stepped out to chat with them. Whatever they discussed, it must have been a bit involved, because the two walked off somewhere.

Jamie, after taking a few bites of one abgigta, suddenly screamed and jumped up, spitting out mouthfuls. ET's pet rushed up and gobbled it up.

"I just ate a bug!" I opened my own, frowning at the chitinous leg sticking out of the yellow mash. So... not entirely vegetarian.

Colzest rolled his eyes.

"Kids in Ethiopia would kill to have a meal like this," Roy commented as he devoured one. "Can't you pretend it's a crawdad?"

Gertie nodded, gulping down hers. "Do you have chocolate covered ants here?"

Jamie gawked at her in disgust. "Were you this weird before you met ET?"

My sister just kept stuffing her face.

Jamie turned to scowl at ET. "I thought you guys were vegetarian."

He answered, "There are millions of babomco. According to Qemqovi religious text, we do not kill things that have endoskeleton, but the swarming babomco can be our food."

That, and microbes, I thought. "How come Colzest and the others didn't eat those on the moon?"

They were not in season, Tolmina said. We were in the process of restocking.

"And you didn't have grasshoppers or cockroaches you could eat?"

Colzest smiled. I didn't know you wanted any. We would have shared.

Tolmina nodded. Your recordings demonstrate a revulsion to insect consumption. You have sprays.

"And you thought you'd sneak them in now?" Jamie shouted.

Babomco are bred in sanitary conditions. You will not get sick.

"Except maybe for psychological reasons," Roy joked.

Fortunately, Pabyeba had made some abgigta without any bugs in them. Jamie ate two of them, then suddenly lurched over the table, clutching the side of her neck.

"Oh come on," Roy chided. "There are no bugs in that one! Don't be so dramatic!"

But Norenio asked, "What's wrong?"

"I feel like I'm holding on to a running lawnmower. My whole body is vibrating."

Roy groaned. "You take theater in school? You seem good at it."

Norenio's tail snapped in annoyance. "...Jamie. Does it feel tickling much? Like you are musical?"

My girlfriend rubbed her neck. "Why? What's going on?"

Roy smacked himself in the head. "Oh that's right! It's probably your new friend, wondering why you're not at work!"

Charlie went "Uh huh" like he knew about it.

Roy took out his communication device, tapped it against Jamie's neck, pushed some buttons.

Us humans stared at the screen. Indeed, it did have something to do with our purple garbed jewelry seller.

Roy scarfed down another abgigta. "We're on our way. Go easy on that vibrating thing. I think you scared her."

"Hatchling loqogga," Yatgibi scoffed. "I do not like to be disappointed."

"Don't worry. We'll be there." Roy slapped Jamie on the back. "C'mon. Time to do your Quarjabbe."

Meazquad came back in, and we informed him of what happened.

The fun thing would have been to let Jamie go off and do...whatever while ET introduced me to the neighbors, but it's a boyfriend's job to do several things that are not fun with his girlfriend...like shopping, or watching soap operas. Michael, for example, had started watching All My Children and Dallas because of his girlfriend. "You know it's love when you start enjoying it," he'd told me. "Well, if she appreciates it."

Okay, so not completely sage advice, but enough to tell me that I'd be in the doghouse if I didn't accompany Jamie to this...Quarjabbe.

Gertie, scared to be alone, even for a short time, also came with. And Colzest, Roy and Norenio, to keep us out of trouble, I guess.

During their earlier absence, Tolmina and Rilquza had gotten involved in a scientific research project associated with their moon colony. They now apologetically excused themselves to continue the work, promising to be back later.

ET had egg warming duty. He and Meazquad wished us good luck, and they'd see us at dinner.

Pabyeba, though, having done her share of brooding, volunteered to accompany us. That, and Charlie, obviously. ET's pet licked us goodbye.

"We probably could have just stopped at a cafe for breakfast," Jamie said as we boarded the flying contraption again. "We going to the market, aren't we?"

Roy pushed some buttons on the console. "Not exactly. The guy has a factory."

Norenio took a seat next to me. "Elliott, do you ride horses?"

"No?"

"You did not have any?"

"No."

"Where did they all go? I have seen...movies, and they are everywhere."

I told her about farms.

"Oh. Did you at least have dinosaur?"

Roy explained to her about the creatures being extinct.

"Why are there so many on the recordings?"

"It's called special effects. It's a trick. I'm surprised Roy didn't tell you."

"That is disappointing."

Roy snickered.

For a few minutes, we just stared at each other, sighed, watched the trees pass by the windows. Roy kept whistling bars from Foreigner's Blue Morning, Blue Day.

"What are you humming?" Jamie asked.

He just shrugged. "Dunno. For some reason it's been stuck in my head all day."

We silently stared out the windows again.

I am curious, Pabyeba said to Jamie. Why did you take without providing payment? What would motivate you to do such a thing? Were you in desperate need for a Ridvucha?

"Yeah. I was hungry and it looked delicious."

Pabyeba didn't get it. Sarcasm does not translate well into other languages.

"Okay, so it looked pretty and I wanted it, and nobody was around."

The alien didn't look any less bewildered. It did not belong to you without the exchanging of goods and services.

Colzest frowned and shook his head. Though he didn't say so, I could tell he was regretting taking us to Jufuceri.

"I know. I thought I could get away with it."

Would not the object remind you always of your dishonest act?

"Please don't preach to me. I'm already being punished enough."

I am only asking you a question.

"Actually, that makes it worse."

Why?

"Humans sometimes have mental bad things," Roy attempted. "They sometimes need others to help them not do certain things. The Quarjabbe will help."

Not the greatest explanation, but ET's mate took this as a wise saying, asking nothing more about the subject. Norenio slipped an arm around his, excited about this parenting moment.

Colzest seemed to relax somewhat when Roy said this, perhaps feeling better about us humans being on his origin planet.

My sister scooted closer to ET's mate. "Pabyeba, how did you first meet ET...Vorxora? Were you always friends? How did you fall in love?"

The Qulpari smiled. As per tradition, I encamped at the shore of the Zaluxfa until an appropriate mate found me.

Gertie's eyes got really big. "You just...sat in one place and waited? That's all?"

A look of genuine puzzlement appeared on Pabyeba's face. I do not understand. It is how it is always done. It is very efficient. Qulpari encamp together at Zaluxfa until they find two mates to complete the Sogwuba. Some wait a long time, but no one encamps or leaves alone. We share food, live closely together. Also, we have a day called Nisweku where no one is allowed to stay at the Zaluxfa until the unchosen Qulpari have partners.

Charlie settled into my lap. I idly rubbed his head. "And what if there's only one left?"

A lottery would be taken among the single Qulpari, and two would be sent to pair with that individual.

"What if nobody gets selected?"

That is not possible. All unmated Qulpari are eager to volunteer on the day of Nisweku, those turned away from the shores get added to the lottery.

Jamie furrowed her brow. "What about the ones that don't win? It sounds like a lot of your guys end up alone."

They can always go to Zaluxfa on the next day.

"Sounds like someone ends up with all the uglies."

Pabyeba raised an eyebrow. "What is ugly?"

My girlfriend laughed. "Um, not pretty?"

"I...do not understand."

"Seriously? Don't tell me you don't know what ugly is. That's ridiculous."

The female didn't seem to agree.

"When someone looks undesirable to you. As a mate."

Why would I judge a mate on their visual appearance? A Narluhar looks just as aesthetically pleasing as a Boczura, but they are different animals, ones that must be accepted on their own terms. A painting will be just as wonderful containing a Birotodi as it would a Huxajad. What is in a Qulpari mind, that is what we base judgments upon.

"So there's ugly Qulpari minds?"

She shrugged. I would not mate with some for that reason.

"By that same token, someone would have to be left alone."

Pabyeba shook her head. We have counselors. Some must go on the journey of Moxloqok in order to correct their problems. Sometimes they find a mate on the journey.

Gertie sat up straight. "Do people go to Zaluxfa sometimes? Humans?"

Pabyeba chuckled. I have not heard of this ever happening. I'm afraid, if you went, your Sogwuba would not come for a long long time. Not because of `ugly', but because of No Population.

Gertie frowned. "Oh."

Yatgibi resided in an emerald building with a roof and lower portion resembling turtle shells, attached to the side of an enormous tree. Rows of large office windows and important looking machines glistened in between. A secondary shell connected to it from a nearby giant sized bough, smokestacks billowing out clean looking white steam.

Rods stuck out of it all over like the adobe structures from Burkina Faso, the smokestacks greatly resembling the towers on those types of buildings.

We docked at a spindly looking landing structure, crossing a rickety catwalk and a narrow staircase that looked and felt unsuitable for a man of Roy's size to traverse, especially with its child height hand rails. "At least I'm climbing this thing sober," he nervously whispered to himself. We were a skyscraper's height off the ground.

Charlie fluttered in a ring around the bridge in a way that almost seemed mocking.

Norenio smiled, curled her tail around the railing, reassuringly placed Roy's hand on her prehensile appendage.

We had to creep single file down the catwalk at the bottom to go around a group of Qulpari. They muttered to each other about us, one cracking a joke.

Roy knocked on a large door on the shell, and it slid open, revealing the factory.

Not the biggest operation. Only about four Qulpari ran the place, one remotely directing flying robotic machines to carry ores to a processing machine, another assembling complicated circuitry with his telekinetic ability, two others manipulating various tools to decorate objects. A machine churned out shiny jewelry, each one different, their computers somehow 'printing' things in 3D.

My alien companions glanced at all the equipment with the mild interest of a human walking into a paper mill. Colzest, despite being moon born, must have been familiar with the processes, for his eyelids drooped lower than the others. Even Charlie seemed a bit impatient with the scenery.

When Yatgibi saw us arrive, he quickly led us down a tunnel to the other 'burger', away from all the shiny things.

We entered a wood shop, offering wooden jewelry and furniture of various kinds, with the exception of chairs, of course.

Only one alien staffed the area, perhaps due to the departure of the other aliens we passed. I did notice empty stations. I guessed we were the 'relief help.'

The bulk of their raw material had been sourced from driftwood, basically, fallen logs, that kind of stuff. We watched as the Qulpari craftsman used his power to restore aged, brittle and sometimes rotten wood to stronger, more durable stuff, at times snapping his tongue out, frog-like, to devour insects infesting the bark. In addition to using his power, he employed normal chiseling tools, and lasers and such to carve into the wood. He also cultivated plants from seedlings, growing them into various works of art.

Jamie's Quarjabbe didn't involve any of that stuff. Instead, she got led downstairs and ordered to milk a big yak-cockroach monster.

One of Yatgibi's employees demonstrated the task. Jamie shuddered as she watched the alien squeeze something resembling antifreeze from the bellowing thing's 'udders'. "Eew! Must everything on this planet be so gross?" She refused to do the job.

Sighing, I knelt beside the beast, did a couple practice wrings.

Stop, Yatgibi scolded. What are you doing? This is the thief's Quarjabbe to perform. Why are you doing its job?

"Because I love her," I answered.

Yatgibi frowned. I understand, but that is not Quarjabbe. It must do its own Quarjabbe.

The ear slug conveyed the word with the implication of penance. I gave Jamie an apologetic look. "I tried."

Jamie didn't look happy, but what could I do? Shuddering more, she grabbed the udders with limp hands, barely touching the teats until the Qulpari scolded her into putting forth an effort. "Ugh! It's all slimy and hairy!"

Roy crossed his arms. "Think of it as a growth opportunity."

Jamie milked the creature. "Bet you wouldn't be saying that if you had to do this!"

"Yeah? Well go ask Zugkiza at the Orburot stall about that! I had to milk five Boczura every day for an entire month before I got established here!"

I had to admit, Roy did seem...unsurprised by the task before us, like he'd done it lots of times.

Jamie squeezed out more green glop.

Colzest sat on the floor and crossed his arms as he watched her, the kind of pose he'd done when making us farm on the moon.

"I don't get it," my girlfriend groaned. "Why don't they use a machine? Like the things at the State Fair?"

Roy smirked. "Milking machines? They do. Some just like it done their own way, just like hobbyists make and bottle their own wine. Some claim it tastes better."

"Lucky for me," she groaned.

Pabyeba pointed to the insect and added her two cents in Wumpaza. "Tastes much better than machine."

Norenio leaned on the lactating beast's carapace. "Jamie, do you like Oxnizjel?"

My girlfriend glanced at me uncomfortably. "Uh, I dunno." She looked away, acting like she had become engrossed in the work. "Anyways, he's not human."

"That did not stop Roy Neary."

Jamie shuddered a little, then smiled at me uneasily. To Norenio: "Um...no, that's okay. What you guys are doing is a little too weird for me."

Throughout this time, Charlie had been fidgety, but mostly stayed out of trouble, perching on the Boczura, on Jamie's back and shoulders until she shooed him away, or on my sister, but at this point, he became a nuisance, taking a drink from Jamie's bucket, and knocking it over when she once again repelled it.

All the fluid she so laboriously milked spilled on the straw covered flooring.

Jamie shook her fist at him. "Charlie you creep!...Gertie, take your stupid pet out of here before I kill him again! I'm this close to wringing his neck!...or...shocking him with my electric eel power!"

Gertie scolded the creature. "Say you're sorry."

Charlie replied by nuzzling her and making amused noises.

My sister wagged a finger at him. "Bad! Bad alien!"

Charlie responded by licking her in the face.

Jamie blew a raspberry, righting the bucket to start the milking process all over again.

The Boczura bellowed in protest.

"Hey! It's not my fault!"

The monster growled like a dog.

"Look. It's not my idea. Personally, I wouldn't even put this crap in a car engine!"

The monster didn't react, it just moved, and she had to scoot over to continue milking.

Roy appeared to be forcing down a grin. "Be careful. If it lifts its tail, I'd get back a couple feet. You'll thank me later."

Norenio put an arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder as she watched Jamie work. "Is this what it's like on your world? Being a father?"

He frowned. "Sort of. Generally a situation like this would end with me paying a fine or going to jail. And lawyers. Be glad you don't know about those."

Colzest drowsed as Jamie...did her job properly.

Yatgibi led me to a gardening station nearby, a mini-nursery with plant lights and beds of little sprouts of various kinds, none terrestrial, instructing me to tend the flora.

I know. The gardening thing was getting a little old for me too. I mean, ET was into it, but if that's all you're doing all week...

I started out planting and pruning, ordinary stuff, but then the guy stuck his hands in the dirt and made it glow.

Like something under time lapse photography, the sprouts around his fingers moved, growing at a rapid pace, expanding, unfurling, developing blooms. "Now you."

I looked at him like he were crazy. "I can't. I'm human."

He didn't seem to understand. Pabyeba waddled up to him, tried to explain the situation, but she also mentioned that I had certain gifts.

The Qulpari gestured to a box of dirt with some small sprouts, repeating, "Now you."

Rolling my eyes, I humored him by sticking my hands in the soil, but didn't know what else to do. "You're asking the wrong person. I'm just a kid."

Gertie put a hand on my shoulder. "I think you can do it. ET did say you had different powers."

"I healed Michael. I think that's probably what he meant. Not this."

"How do you know unless you try?"

I glared at her. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"What's in your head right now? Maybe you're thinking wrong."

"What do you want me to do, think happy thoughts or something?"

My sister looked like she'd been slapped. Her bottom lip trembled. "I don't know. I'm just trying to help."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Gertie. I'm just frustrated, that's all...What do you think I should do?"

"Colzest made us talk to plants. Maybe that's how you do it."

Feeling foolish, I leaned close to the plant. "Grow."

Nothing happened.

Roy leaned on a cargo container, looking indifferent. "Don't feel bad. I don't have magic plant powers either."

Jamie, seeming to have gotten over her revulsion to her job, slowly filled the bucket. "Elliott can glow in the dark and make things fly. I'm sure if you give him the proper motivation, he can do anything."

The statement made me feel warm all over. "Thanks, but before it was self defense."

Gertie gave me a hopeful look. "It wasn't when you were healing Michael."

"I was afraid for him."

My sister smiled. "You also love him. Maybe if Jamie kisses you..."

I could feel Jamie's eyes on me. I was blushing. "Gertie, I-"

The plant box exploded, dirt flying everywhere.

When the dust settled, I saw that the sprout had grown to a spiky cactus thing the size of a basketball, covered in `buttons' and multicolored flowers.

That wasn't the strangest part.

This plant had grown roots. Like a tree...And they had blown a hole through the floor.