"Another cave?" Jamie groaned.

Roy peered around the corner. "Your guess is as good as mine. Never once seen a military installation on this planet."

After ET's conversation on the boat, I half expected The Batcave. Although, in fact, a cave, it actually reminded me of a concert chamber.

A stage lay in the center, with risers and chiseled stone music stands.

All around it musical instruments glinted inside display cases, a set of African looking drums, an animal horn, a tentacled Sho...and a weird guitar.

Roy frowned at the objects. "Wow. Some army base."

The moment we all got inside, the security door closed behind us.

The man marched from display to display, examining the contents. "Is this it?"

"What do you mean, is this it?" ET replied indignantly.

"These are your weapons?"

The look on ET's face said yes. "These can be very dangerous, depending on how you use them."

The cavern had a high ceiling, but the cases all stood at my chest level, on account of ET's height.

My sister approached a case displaying the guitar looking thing. "Is that a Zemedo?"

"No, but it is similar." ET slid back the glass, allowing her to examine it.

It resembled a mandolin with a record player beneath where you'd ordinarily pluck the strings. Although it featured a whammy bar, one side also had a chin rest, and a tube like you'd see on a bagpipe. You not only pressed strings on the fret board, you pushed flute buttons under them.

"It is called a Wayutra."

"That is your weapon," Jamie scoffed.

"Don't act so surprised. We used a bug flute to kill mushroom guy."

"Why don't we just...?" She frowned, rubbing her face. "Dammit, Pete!"

"Yes, the ancient Zemedo would have been preferable, but we do not have it."

Gertie plucked a couple notes, but ET said, "Stop. We must be careful with the Wayutra. It is the most powerful instrument I have. Make sure the others are out of the room."

The tentacled Sho sat on a pad in the same case. ET passed the object to me.

I only turned it over in my hands. It made me think of a little circus pipe organ stuck to a squid. The mouthpiece stuck out from one side, right below a pair of tentacles. I figured an Abreya would find this thing slightly obscene. "I'm not musically inclined. I've never played a flute."

"We can teach you."

"I guess I played a harmonica before."

Although I found the instrument's tentacles a little unnerving, I'd stuck squirming objects into my ears without a problem, and these tentacles hung limply until I played a note. In fact, they had a mechanical quality to them.

I puffed out a lame "Do Re Mi," and somehow rain showered down on my head. Not on anyone else, just me. My companions laughed.

"That's great!" Roy chuckled. "If anyone tells you that you smell bad, you can play that little ditty and tidy up!"

"Funny," I groaned.

A well polished Shamisen stood propped up in a nearby case. Another mandolin looking thing, this one with a square body, and no frets.

Jamie pointed. "What's this one?"

ET took it out, plucking the strings, each of a different material, with a pick resembling a paint scraper.

As he played and struck the instrument, an unseen force took over my body, and I couldn't stop dancing. Everyone else had the same problem, an uncontrollable boogy-woogy.

Roy did a sprightly jig. "Remember that Gilligan's Island with the Voodoo dolls that made everyone dance?"

ET stopped playing, and we collapsed on the floor.

Jamie shakily grabbed a rock and pulled herself to a standing position. "How does this help us?"

"If everyone is dancing, no one needs to fight."

"Yeah, but when the music stops, we're back at square one."

"You humans! Why does everything have to kill something?"

Roy leaned on a pole. "Not to disagree with you, Vorxora, but this seems to affect friend and foe alike. I fail to see its usefulness."

"I am out of practice. There is a trick to it."

Jamie eagerly held out her hands, but the moment ET passed it to her, a string snapped off.

"Oh mudo," ET grumbled. "We'll have to find you something else until this can be repaired."

She frowned at the other instruments. "So what do I get, the conga drum?"

The sarcasm was lost on ET. "Did you...want the drum?"

She put her hand on her hips, face silently asking, `Seriously?' But then she sighed. "Honestly, I never had music lessons. Maybe that is a good idea."

ET passed her the item, but she hesitated to play it. "What does it do? Cause earthquakes?"

"Nothing so dangerous."

He placed a jeweled circlet on her head. "Think of something and pound on the drum."

Jamie furrowed her brow. "Could you be a little more specific?"

ET shook his head. "You will understand when you try."

Rolling her eyes, she tapped out a pep squad ditty: `Hey all you Viking fans, stand up and clap your hands.'

A pink cloud swelled out from the drum, and ghostly cheerleaders appeared in the room, waving their pom-poms. A less ghostly looking phantom of Roger strode into the room, clad in a football uniform.

Catching my irritated glance, she reddened, and tapped a rhythm of hoofbeats. A large black stallion galloped into the room, puffing clouds of steam.

Roger materialized on its back.

Spike stared thoughtfully at his image, rubbing his chin. I guess he didn't know what to make of it.

Embarrassed, Jamie pulled the headband off, and the apparitions vanished. "So this thing makes anything I think of."

ET nodded. "A master Vomdila can generate illusions strong enough to damage objects, but it requires absolute focus."

I groaned. "If we need Roger to kick someone's ass, I'm sure she can make it happen."

Jamie clenched her fists. "Hey! I'll have you know I wasn't even thinking about him!"

Roy snorted. "Maybe not consciously..."

She sighed and rubbed her face. "So I can't have private thoughts while wearing that thing?"

ET's facial expression said no.

Jamie handed the drum to me. "Your turn. It's only fair."

I tried to imitate the drumbeats that the tiny ladies made in Godzilla Vs. Mothra.

A ghostly Godzilla appeared, surrounded by Mothra's singing ladies.

As the giant reptile gained definition, though, it started looking more and more like Jamie.

Oddly cute, blowing kisses at me.

Jamie fought down a laugh, but then let it out, and Roy and Gertie joined in.

Spike grinned, clearly enjoying my vulnerability. I suppose it had been a breakthrough of sorts.

Blushing, I took off the headband and set the drum down. "How is anyone supposed to use this as a weapon?"

By distracting the enemy."

ET handed the items to Gertie.

My sister played around with it, creating unicorns and Care Bears and Montgomery Moose. When stuff started looking like Mom and Dad, she cried and took off the headband. We held her until she felt better.

Jamie put her hands on her hips. "Is there anything here that's actually a weapon?"

ET narrowed his eyes at her. "You need to expand your mind." He levitated the circlet toward her head. "You should practice—"

He didn't get to finish. Charlie swiped the circlet and flitted to the drum, pounding out a catchy rhythm with his fins and little arms.

Hard to describe. I can only say that his illusions were amazing and psychedelic.

"Wow," Roy gasped. "He should be in a band."

Jamie sighed. "Great. Now what am I supposed to play?"

ET showed her an object resembling a dog collar with a little box and a couple antenna-like devices sticking out of it. "Can you sing?"

She stared. "What?"

"Sing." ET croaked out a wordless vocal from Good Vibrations.

Jamie's face reddened. "No...No, I...I couldn't."

He gave a nonverbal `Oh well,' offering it to me.

"Um..." I immediately turned to look at Jamie.

She scowled at me. "What."

"C'mon, Jamie! You're perfect!" To ET I said, "She's got a beautiful voice. Much better than mine."

"Have you tried to sing?"

"A little, but I've heard her. She's good."

Jamie furrowed her brow. "Look, I was just singing to myself. It wasn't even that loud."

I shrugged. "I liked it."

ET again offered Jamie the collar.

She frowned somewhat, but tucked back her hair and fastened the collar on. I thought it looked cute on her.

"So what do I—"

The box glowed as her voice got amplified like a microphone. The air shimmered.

"Shh!" ET hissed. "Focus on your target with intent, then sing."

Jamie's eyes traveled my way.

"Careful. Look somewhere safe until you know what you are doing."

"C'mon, it's not like his head is going to—"

ET's neck shrank, and a good thing too, because the pillar behind where his head was cracked like someone had hit it with a sledgehammer. "Careful!"

Jamie clapped her hand over her mouth.

"With care...focus...and sing."

She took a deep breath, staring at a wall. "Turn around...every now and then I get a little bit lonely, and you're never coming `round..."

Some pink lichen on the wall glowed and swelled to the music, bio-luminescent wart growths swelled like balloons.

She giggled. "Holy shit!"

The lichen splattered like an invisible fist had smashed it.

ET showed her a shutoff button on the side of the collar.

Jamie quickly removed the collar, offering it to him. "That's pretty darn cool, but I'm afraid I'll accidentally kill someone with it."

"Keep it. You have a gift. You just need to master it."

Roy picked up the horn, very similar to a Shofar. "This one looks easy."

"It is not." ET used his power to put it back in the case. "One false note could cause a cave-in."

"And the walls came a-tumbling-down," Roy muttered. "We should bring it along, though."

"Agreed."

ET had some other instruments, but they only seemed to have power to express the soul.

"What else you got? These things...don't seem very effective for a battle."

"Hear hear!" Jamie agreed.

ET just shook his head sadly.

Roy scoffed. "All right. Guess we'll have to make do."

He felt the walls around it, gave the door itself a test push. "Hey, how do you get out of here?"

"The haxgep is downstairs," ET said.

"Thank you, but I don't have to use the can. I was thinking it would be safer if we tried this equipment outdoors, so as not to cause a cave-in."

"That would draw unnecessary attention to our location and Sovirox would attack us. Besides, this chamber is specially designed to withstand an assault from most weaponry, with the exception of the horn. That one must be used with care. Does everyone have an instrument they wish to train with?"

Jamie clutched her collar in her hand. "Gertie is a pro with guitar flute things. I can't imagine anyone else being able to use it."

My sister frowned a little. "I can still play with the other ones, right?"

"Sure. We're just...trying to make sure the air force gets plenty of time to practice with the airplane, if you catch my drift."

Gertie's brow furrowed. "You mean...like making sure Handy Smurf knows how to use the hammer and Papa Smurf can use the magic wand?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Okay."

Jamie snorted a little. "Elliott's all wet, so he can have the flute."

"Gee thanks," I groaned.

Roy crossed his arms, scowling at the Qulpari equivalent of a recorder, still in the case. "So...no Lightsabers, I guess. No blasters, except the musical variety.

"We are not a bloodthirsty people."

"I'm guessing Mr. Stoversocks is an exception."

ET nodded. "Hmm."

Roy leaned against a pillar, peering into another case. "And none of this other stuff is remotely useful as a weapon."

ET opened his mouth to say something.

"I mean, against Soyverax."

"Hmm."

"I'll take that as a no." Roy took out the recorder. "This looks familiar."

He brought it to his lips, piping out Bridge on the River Kwai.

"Wait, stop," ET protested, but the instrument's power had already revealed itself: Swarms of insects crawled out of the walls in lines.

Roy shuddered and dropped the recorder. The insects scattered. "I thought you said these other things were useless."

"Against a foe, yes."

A small furry creature crawled partway out of a hole, unfurling a pair of batlike ears. ET piped for it on the recorder, and it emerged all the way, a pudgy limbed black and white thing with a little monkey face.

"That's cute. What do you call those?"

My sister reached out to pet it, and it bit her, jumping back into its hole.

ET stopped playing. "That is a Mogwai. I would not recommend keeping one as a pet, for they have challenging medical requirements."

"He was cute," Gertie said.

"He also bit you."

ET gave the recorder back to Roy.

"I'm good at it, sure, but is there a way to make it not summon creepy crawlies? Because that's really disgusting."

The alien gave a slight nod. "With some practice, you can make it do other things."

Spike nonchalantly took the horn, strode up to an obelisk and gave a little puff.

A chunk of the stone object exploded, the broken pieces scattering on the floor. "This one appears to be in working order."

We all stared.

A connecting corridor contained a few other things, like a bagpipe koto and a didgeridoo that you squeezed like an accordion, an octopus pipe organ, but the objects proved too bulky to carry around.

Now that everyone had been assigned with instruments, we had a little `music class.'

Alien scales have extra notes in the sub-audible and ultra high frequency ranges, so if they used English letters, they'd go to A to K on Bass and Treble. Also, their circular musical staffs resemble crazy spider webs. We had to unlearn a few things.

Also, obviously, the instruments presented their own interesting challenges. ET took Jamie into an adjoining cave to work on singing.

"Guess you're getting some kind of education while you're here," Roy remarked. "Which reminds me, if we ever get settle down, we'll definitely need to come up with something for you to study so your brains don't atrophy."

Gertie used the main room due to the dangerous potential of the Wayutra. I and Roy watched from a tunnel as she practiced with Spike.

Without someone puppeting her, Gertie's musical performance did turn out a little scary. Ball lightning struck above our heads.

"I thought that song was supposed to make stars on the ceiling like a planetarium."

I shrugged. "She's learning."

"Maybe she shouldn't. That's a pretty useful song."

"Not if it kills us."

The caffeine wore off, and I found myself crashing. Roy dusted off one of ET's pallets for me as I waited my turn for a music lesson.

I didn't have to wait long. Jamie had a beautiful voice, and she had taken some choir in school. ET seemed confident she would do a good job. I practiced in a cave with an underground lake, handy for that particular instrument.

Between ET and Roy, I picked up some basic stuff, such as how to control the cloud so I didn't get rained on, and make snow. ET said I could somehow create hail, but I presently could only manage a light fog and drizzle.

We took a break. Spike dug out food from our luggage, and we had lunch.

"I've been wondering about something," Jamie said. "When we were on the moon, they said they could read our dreams. Do you think you can hook Elliott up to one of those machines and figure out why he keeps sleepwalking? He didn't do that on the moon, or his bedroom for that matter!"

Roy raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

ET shook his head, munching a bug pocket. "I do not have any of that equipment here, but I will help you with that later."

Spike brought out a chop stamp. "Jamie...according to the rites and traditions of Quarjabbe, if the Coocovnais deemed unfit, has become deceased or disappears during the serving of Quarjabbe, the nearest Gorptug or government official prepares a substitutionary marking, indicating that Quarjabbe has been completed by default. A symbol on the marking indicates that if the offended party resurfaces at a later time, they may take the case to trial once more, arranging for a final closing sentence."

"Yatgibi's dead," I said. "I saw him die."

Jamie laughed. "How's he going to `resurface' from that?"

"The offended party can be the family or other associates."

"I'd definitely say they're unfit."

"Yes, but in the unlikely event that any of them wishes to address the matter of your Quarjabbe in a civilized manner, the marking is different from the one held by the Coocovna. I regret to inform you I don't have access to it."

Jamie blew a raspberry. "Okay, fine. Lay it on me."

She held out her scar, bracing herself for the sting. Spike took care of it quickly, then asked her to talk to him about Roger.

Since she glanced at me with discomfort, I decided to step out of the cavern.

The cavern had a waterfall running through it, so we took turns showering.

Oddly enough, not as bone freezing cold as I expected. ET had a device installed at the top of the cavern that heated it somehow.

Roy checked in with Norenio. She didn't have much to report, except that Roy forgot to call her cuzulur instead of najufe again.

When it came to be Jamie's turn in the waterfall, she surprised me by returning to the main cavern dressed in her custom made jumpsuit instead of the Aquafresh colored one. "Thought I might as well wear it. The other one probably needs washing after getting all that giant bug crap and mildew water on it anyway."

"It's...nice," I stammered.

She rolled her eyes.

Spike approached me. "I would like to speak to you about...Roggar."

I sighed. "Okay, fine."

Giving Jamie a sideways glance, I led him into a different cavern. "What about him?"

"Do you hate him?"

I rubbed my face. "I...I don't know. I'm definitely jealous of him. I used to hate him, but...so much evil has come out of that. We wouldn't be in this mess if I'd been a better...man about things."

"Do you wish him harm?"

I shook my head vigorously. "Not anymore. In fact, we, I owe him a lot."

"Are you saying this because I might tell Jamie?"

I smirked. "The thought had crossed my mind...But I do think I need to let go."

"What do you...dislike about Roggar?"

"Um...everything?"

Spike gave me a look that said `Seriously?' "Please be more specific."

"He's a bully."

Of course Spike didn't understand the term.

I shook my head. To be honest, I was over that anyway. "Okay, okay! That's not it. I don't like how he's better than me, and Jamie likes him better."

Spike opened his mouth.

"And if I try to be like him, it'll make her like him more. I don't know what to do, and it makes me mad."

"I suggest being yourself."

"I don't feel like that's good enough. She'll still love Roger."

Spike put a finger to his temple, frowning like he didn't understand. "Why is that bad?"

I gave him my best `You're an idiot' look. "She'll leave me."

"Why can't she have both of you?"

I shuddered. "Gross! We don't...do that!"

Spike rubbed his chin. "I...see...Like...Gertie."

"Okay," I muttered. "I mean, sure, I guess she can have other male friends. I just get kind of jealous, I don't know."

"Perhaps you should study Jana Naka, learn to let go, trust your mate with those who threaten your relationship."

"Sometimes desire is a good thing, Spike."

"Perhaps. But yours appears to be causing pain." He left me to think about that.

It seemed the caffeine had stopped working for all of us. ET brought some more dusty pallets out of storage so we could nap between practice sessions.

ET sat next to my bed, shooting me a disappointed look. "Why can you not sing?"

"I've heard myself on a karaoke machine. And a tape recorder. I don't like how it sounds."

"Yourself, or the machine?"

"Both."

"You demean yourself."

He called Rilquza to see if he'd made any progress finding Pete. Nothing so far.

Jamie got up from her bed, wandering off into a cavern. I frowned when I noticed her just kind of sitting there, staring at a wall.

I got closer. "Problem?"

She shook her head, but I knew there was one.

I glanced around. With Spike busy teaching Gertie, we had no nennop present. Even ET had decided to take a nap. "Jamie, if you feel the need to go back to earth, I, I guess I won't stop you." I sighed. "Honestly, if you did, you'd be better going off alone. I know you want to help my sister, but she's going to get cut open..."

"I promise we'll stay far from civilization." She squeezed my hand. "Elliott, please. We humans have to go back where we belong, don't you see that? I love you. I don't want to be apart from you, or the earth. Your sister, she needs this."

I let out a heavy sigh. If I went along with her, what would be next? "I...can't."

She frowned. "You want to stay here and turn into Roy?"

I shuddered. "What choice do I have? Who's to say that once we find some deserted outpost in the middle of nowhere, you don't ask me to come with you to visit your mom? Or `Let's go shopping in this mall with security cameras?'"

Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Elliot, you're horrible."

"What do you want me to do?"

"We can make it work. I know we can."

I opened my mouth to argue.

"Don't. Let's discuss this later. After we find Pete."

I reluctantly agreed.

Gertie had finished her lesson for the day. When I returned to my bed, Roy took Spike off into a small cavern. I think he would have spoken to Tolmina, had he been present. I overheard them talking, but it just sounded like a psychologist session, Roy rambling about how lonely and depressed he was, and how he felt burdened with so much responsibility...a lot about how he missed earth.

After this, he kept pacing back and forth, checking Jamie and me. He'd sit down on a rock, rubbing his chin, then get up and pace some more.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"This is a suicide mission. I'm trying to figure out what we can do to make it not one, but I'm at a loss. It feels like we're wasting time here, but I failed chemistry, so I can't whip up a bunch of explosives or black powder weapons. I don't even know what saltpeter looks like, or where to find it, but we've got to find that kid somehow, and I'm pretty sure he's busy trying to kill himself right now."

He leaned against a stalactite. "Obviously, he's going after Soyveriax, and all you need to find that guy is follow the path of destruction, but what happens if we go after the guy and find the kid isn't even there? If he gets lost, or breaks his leg, or gets delayed, we'll be locking eyeballs with our evil overlord when we don't even need to."

"Yeah, but wouldn't that be better? Stopping the guy before he does something to Pete?"

"Maybe, but I didn't want to tangle with him in the first place! I'd prefer if we could remain like Switzerland in the Second World War. Less chances of getting brutally murdered. That's what sucks about this."

ET nodded. "This concerns me as well, which is why I have contacted some Qulpari who may be able to help." He rapidly clicked buttons on his communicator. "I'm sending an alert to Qazmipu merchantsto look for a small human."

Roy stared at the device. "I never understood how those work inside a cave. You can't get any radio signals through rock."

"It's not a radio."

"So why didn't it work in that coral forest place?"

"Again, it's not a radio."

"Wait," Roy groaned. "That means I could have..."He frowned at Spike. "Never mind."

A constellation of fireflies appeared in the cavern. I stared at Roy, who hadn't even touched his recorder.

"Don't look at me!"

"Was that Gertie?"

ET shook his head. "We have guests."

"Guests?" Roy laughed. "Here? So much for our secret undisclosed military base!"

ET didn't explain, he just waddled up to the main chamber, touching a crystal mushroom.

The security door slid open, revealing two unfamiliar Qulpari, one with skin like an appaloosa, the other pink with dalmatian spots.

"Olxebak and Yizewo!" ET exclaimed. "Welcome!"

I stared. "The guys that made Pete wet the bed?"

Roy leaned on the door frame. "Well, if anyone here knows anything about our brat, it would have to be these guys."

The appaloosa stared through the doorway. "Ah, you are a musician. A pity we never learned to play."

Roy smacked his forehead.