Total Drama World Tour Deluxe
Chapter 15: The Ex-Files
MDReborn: Thank you.
Guest A: 1. Nope.
2. Um, okay.
3. That's a little too much to answer.
4. Just for the sake of irony.
5. Because everyone who didn't vote for Heather that night lost my respect.
6. Yes, the writers got carried away with their love for the big guy, which didn't exactly win over his haters.
7. Well, that's nice to say.
8. Tyler flinched every time Duncan looked at him.
9. Kind of. It was more of an indirect inspiration this time.
10. If you say so.
Guest B: Each to their own.
Spectacular Webhead 11: We'll see.
Crosshot: Trent's got quite a bit on his mind, and he didn't exactly wanna get involved in the drama.
LaCuevademisgustos: Thank you.
SuperSonicHeroes: Glad someone agrees with me on Tyler. And of course, you caught the reference to Sonic Boom. Since you're such an expert on spotting references and named yourself after Sonic the Hedgehog, I would have been quite shocked if you didn't.
AnonBrowser: Yes, I know Tyler's passionate about sports. Frankly, I'm not a sports fan, so I don't really care. As for Courtney, yes, I always figured that she wouldn't take Gwuncan any better even if Duncan did the right thing, which probably contributed to the infidelity. As for Gwen, yes, she's in a pickle. Maybe she'll get out of elimination this time. Maybe not. Cody certainly proved to her that he was indeed better than Sierra by saving her butt in spite of the hookup. You say that in canon, Cody hit Duncan partially out of disapproval for cheating, but I'm not really convinced he cared. If he did, he would have been angry at Gwen as well. As I told Guest A, the reference to Ed Edd n' Eddy was indirect this time.
As for Owen, I know I probably could have gone a little easier on him, but you've picked on characters that you didn't like as well in your own fics. Sugar, Rodney, Blaineley, Anne Maria, and Duncan. And Owen exposing the guy's alliance wasn't an accident, it was stupidity, plain and simple.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Yup, there was indeed a Sonic Boom reference. Gwen and Courtney reconciling is not off the table, but don't get your hopes up.
AstridEstelle: Well said.
Guest C: Yes, I know. I'm committing heresy by not sharing a popular opinion. Can you blame me for being surprised when a lot of people are saying a character is the opposite of how I think of him? We'll see whether or not Alejandro makes the finale.
lordgemini: Yes, I resent it when people call Duncan a karma houdini after watching this episode.
TotalPizza: Yes, Chris's feminism speech was indeed taken from Sonic Boom. I do agree that Phobia Factor was indeed a very poorly executed challenge, not gonna deny that. Yes, Lindsay turning on Gwen is unfortunate. In my experience, when accusations of infidelity are thrown around, people often jump to conclusions, assume the worst, and deny the accused an opportunity to explain or defend themselves. That's kind of how Trent was eliminated in Season One. Speaking of Trent, his experience with being falsely accused of cheating as well as being the one to encourage a break-up is why he didn't turn against Duncan.
Cody Fanatic: Yes, Duncan is not doing a good job at making himself look innocent. Still, he didn't get a good opportunity to explain himself without arousing suspicion and Tyler just caused a lot of trouble for him and Gwen. True, Alejandro is much better than Heather at pretending he's not a horrible person, but given Noah's arrogance, I don't see him cutting Tyler any slack for allying with the Spaniard.
Rockin' D-99: Gwen had more on her mind than Owen's honor. As for Tyler, he never really tickled my funny bone. The slapstick in Total Drama always seemed lazy to me, at least compared to experts like the Three Stooges. Yes, he's patient and loyal with Lindsay. Whatever. And his voice acting is easily the poorest of Peter Oldring's three characters.
Guest D: Yup.
Tylus: Thank you.
"Last time on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris narrated. "Greece! …Hey, it was ruined before we even got there! Here we learned that Alejandro may not be the perfect villain! Unless perfection means forgetting that there's someone on your team who hates your guts. And Tyler spilled the beans on Duncan and Gwen's kiss. Duncan earned himself a new nickname: The Tattletale Strangler! Dude also has a killer right hook! Kaboom! In the end, the Amazons won! And it was Tyler who got eliminated for his friendship with Alejandro, his sexism, his big mouth, and just being the most useless teammate ever. Leaving everyone else to marinate in awkward soup for at least one more episode! Who's gonna get knocked out of orbit this week? Get ready to believe! Right here! On Total… Drama… World Tour!"
After the theme song, we cut to First Class at night. Courtney, Sierra, Cody, and Lindsay sat in one row of seats, while Gwen sat alone on the other. Heather sat at the bar. The goth looked miserable. The geek looked nervous. The CIT, fangirl, and formerly dumb blonde all looked angry. The queen bee looked smug.
Confessional: Heather
"Aw, what a beautiful day! Mm! What is that delicious smell? Oh, I know! It's tension! And it has nothing to do with me! I have never felt so safe! Thanks, Gwen!"
Confessional: Gwen
"Great. Just great. I'm caught in the middle of another misunderstanding. (Sigh) Why does the universe like to beat me up so much?"
Confessional: Courtney
"Gwen is going down! I can't believe I ever trusted that sun-fearing emo liar! (Inhales heavily) At least I broke up with Duncan on my own terms! It was totally empowering!"
Flashback
We cut to a scene from dinner the previous night. Duncan had a look of pity and a bowl of spaghetti on his face. Courtney was rolling on the floor kicking and pounding like a little kid. Everyone else was standing aside watching.
"YOU STUPID JERK-FACE! YOU-!" Courtney's blubbering became incoherent as the other contestants watched awkwardly.
"Look, I'm sorry!" said Duncan desperately. Finally, Courtney managed to regain enough of her faculties to stand up.
"YOU EVIL BUTT-POOP-HEAD! I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU!" Courtney screamed in Duncan's face.
"Well, if that's the way it's gotta be!" Duncan said carefully. Courtney, her face full of pain and rage, launched her foot into Duncan's crotch. She expected him to double over in pain, but the punk barely flinched.
"What the hell?!" Courtney exclaimed. She kicked him again with even greater force, but the punk did not seem hurt.
"Dude, that's my balls." said Duncan nonchalantly. Courtney wound up another kick but Duncan was prepared. He intercepted Courtney's ankle and shoved her backwards. She was caught by Alejandro.
Despite the drama, Duncan smirked in vindication. Weeks of wearing a jock strap had finally paid off.
End Flashback
Confessional: Courtney
"Well… at least I still have my pride!" (Sniffles, then starts wailing)
End Confessional
Meanwhile back in Economy, the tension among the Minotaurs was just as high. Duncan sat on Noah and Eva's side of the cabin, while only Trent and DJ remained on Alejandro's side. The punk sat by himself, a brooding expression on his face. The bookworm kept smirking smugly at the Spaniard, who responded with one-eyed leers, holding an icepack over his left eye. The gentle giant seemed incredibly grumpy. The musician took notice of this.
"Dude, DJ. What's the matter?" Trent asked.
"I just can't believe Duncan!" said DJ. "I know he and Courtney weren't getting along, but cheating on her? Way too far! Dude needs to learn a thing or two about loyalty."
"LOYALTY?!" Duncan exclaimed incredulously. He shot up and stomped over to DJ menacingly. "Are you seriously calling my loyalty into question, Devon?! Because that's pretty rich coming from you!"
"What are you talking about?!" DJ responded, confused and offended.
"If you practiced what you're preaching, I'd be a millionaire right now!"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Do I need to spell it out for you?! You voted for Beth to win Total Drama Action!"
"Hey! I'm not the only one!"
"Yes, but I know you were one!"
"Well, that's nothing compared to cheatin'!"
"I didn't cheat! I broke up with her the other night!"
"Yeah... sure…" said DJ, skeptically.
"What, you don't believe me?"
"Courtney doesn't seem to believe you. So why should I?"
"Dude! I am innocent!"
"You haven't been acting very innocent. You almost killed Tyler yesterday after he told everyone about you and Gwen!"
"That had nothing to do with guilt or innocence! I strangled that bigmouth because he just caused a shitload of trouble for me!"
"You caused yourself a shitload of trouble! And even if you are innocent, it is not cool to just dump one girl on move in the same night!"
"Is that why you voted for Beth? If you recall, she had a boyfriend that she cheated on!"
"Yeah, well- I didn't know she was telling the truth! And besides, we need more gentle millionaires! And the way you treated Harold… Look, I understand why you were angry with him, but you just went too far! If I voted for you, my mama would not approve."
"You're such a mama's boy!" Duncan sneered, rolling his eyes. "And while we're on the subject, I find it quite ironic that she taught you to be such a softie when she's about as gentle as Eva! I guess hypocrisy runs in the family!"
"You leave my mama out of this!" DJ growled threateningly, jumping to his feet. The two looked as though they were about to come to blows.
"Guys! Guys! Guys!" Trent called, getting in between them before a fight could break out. "Duncan, you leave DJ's mom out of your fights! And DJ, leave Duncan alone. You have no proof that he's lying."
The two men huffed. DJ left to use the restroom and Duncan went back over to Noah's side.
As soon as he sat down, Noah scooted over to him.
"Well, well, Duncan. You've been quite the badass lately, haven't you?" he complimented the punk. Duncan's eyes popped and he looked at Noah in surprise.
"I have?" Duncan said.
"Yup!"
"What are you talking about? I got captured in London and didn't score us any gold medals in Greece."
"The way I see it, you're a double-gold-medalist in the Total Drama Babe Olympics!"
Everyone on Team Minotaur raised at least one eyebrow.
"Babe Olympics?" Duncan repeated.
"Yeah! You're the first guy in Total Drama history to score two hotties! You got mojo, punk!"
A flattered expression appeared on Duncan's face. Alejandro leered at Noah for perhaps the thirtieth time since they left Greece.
Confessional: Alejandro
"Problem: My attempts to get rid of Duncan back in Greece backfired. It cost me an ally and gained me an enemy. And now Noah is taking advantage of Duncan's newfound animosity towards me. Solution: Courtney is volatile. She'll throw the Amazons off their game and Duncan off his game! All she needs is a little push. In the meantime, I have some damage control to do."
End Confessional
The Spaniard got up and walked over to Duncan, sitting on his left. Noah looked surprised.
"Duncan?" he started cautiously.
"What do you want, cyclops?" Duncan sneered.
"I just wanted to hear your side of the story. In regards to this scandal."
Again, Duncan looked very surprised.
"Well, okay." he eventually said. "I was convinced by a pal, whose name shall remain anonymous, to call things off with Courtney because my eyes were drifting towards Gwen. After the challenge in London was over, I took his advice. Courtney apparently thought I was just being grumpy, but I still dumped her. About an hour afterwards, Gwen and I went someplace private to talk, one thing led to another, and we wound up makin' out."
"I see…" said Alejandro. "Well then, my friend, I must offer my sincerest apologies. You see, I was under the impression that you had cheated on Courtney. I wanted to expose your supposed crime because infidelity is truly deplorable! But I acted too fast, and have put you and Gwen in an undeservedly tough situation. Again, I am terribly sorry!"
"Well…" said Duncan. "I'm… sorry for hitting you in the eye!"
"Apology accepted, my friend!" Alejandro said smiling. Noah leered at Alejandro.
Confessional: Noah
"Slimeball."
Confessional: Alejandro
"I was sincere in accepting Duncan's apology. You see, when Owen hit me, he did it out of stupidity and carelessness. Duncan did it deliberately and out of rage, hatred, and vengeance, qualities that I can actually respect!"
Confessional: Duncan
"It's pretty obvious that Noah and Alejandro are just buttering me up in order to convince me to vote their way. But hey! I don't mind! It means I have the power here on this team. This scandal's actually working out for me!"
End Confessional
All of a sudden, a collection of alarming sounds started coming from outside the plane, including zapping, scraping, whooshing, pelting, and the blaring of an alarm. These were accompanied by the cabin shaking. Naturally, everyone was quite frightened.
"Attention, potential crash victims!" Chris called over the intercom. "Please remain calm! Our autopilot is testing some equipment! There are snacks in the common area in case you don't believe me and want a last meal!"
A minute later, everyone had gathered in the dining room. The only food in sight was a bowl of less-than-fresh fruit.
Duncan immediately walked over to Gwen.
"Lookin' especially pasty this morning!" Duncan teased.
"That means so much coming from the Tattletale Strangler!" Gwen laughed.
Courtney grunted in anger.
"Unbelievable!" Alejandro exclaimed, sounding outraged. Courtney shot an annoyed glance at him. "Forgive me! I'm… I'm simply offended on your behalf! Perhaps a little… payback is in order!"
"You think I haven't been working on it?!"
"No, I just have another idea!"
"What?"
"How would Duncan and Gwen like it, if you flirted with… let's say… Trent?"
Courtney looked over to the musician, who was eating a banana and minding his own business. Courtney smiled wickedly.
Confessional: Courtney
"Duncan will lose his mind! It's basic break-up math! The madder Duncan gets, the more jealous he looks! The cruddier Gwen feels, the more vindicated I am! It's perfect."
End Confessional
Trent finished his banana and tossed a grape into his mouth coolly.
"Trent is super cute!" Courtney said loudly. The musician, the punk, and the goth all did double-takes at the CIT. The Spaniard gave her a thumbs-up.
Suddenly, the lights went out. This wouldn't have been so frightening if they could still hear the roar of the very noisy engines. But they could not. They all gasped. The plane had stopped on a dime and began falling to the Earth in a very vertical direction. When it was about ten feet from the ground, it stopped and held in place for three seconds before falling the remaining ten feet.
CRASH!
The lights in the dining room came on. Gwen and Duncan were in each other's arms. Heather and Alejandro were in each other's arms. DJ and Lindsay were in each other's arms. Noah and Cody were in each other's arms. Sierra was on Eva's shoulders with her arms and legs wrapped around the big girl's forehead and neck respectively. Courtney was in Trent's arms.
Gwen blushed while Duncan smirked proudly.
"Ugh! Get off me you perv!" Heather snapped at Alejandro.
"Sweet Heather, you jumped into my arms!" Alejandro pointed out.
Noah and Cody yelped in shock when they realized who they were embracing. They quickly separated.
"Get… off… me!" Eva growled. Sierra fearfully obeyed.
"Oh, Trent! You're so strong! You make me feel so safe!" Courtney cried loudly. A stunned yet pleased look came over Trent's face.
Confessional: Trent
"Well, that was fast!"
End Confessional
The contestants gathered outside. They seemed to be in a desert of some kind. Chris came out wearing aviator sunglasses and an army helmet.
"Everyone! Welcome to the coolest, extraterrestrialiest place in the world: Area Fifty-One!"
"Area Fifty-One? Is this legal?" DJ asked.
"Nope! But don't worry, we're actually in Fifty-Two at the moment! Fifty-One is right over there! We're just outside the border! Well, everyone except Trent."
Trent was standing slightly off to the side. Before he could rejoin the gang, a laser beam came from seemingly out of nowhere and zapped the musician.
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
For six whole seconds, the musician spasmed violently.
"Trent!" Gwen called out in concern.
"Thanks for the laser show, Colonel!" Chris said into a radio. The beam stopped and Trent fell to the ground on his stomach.
"Ow…!" he gasped.
"Oh, Trent! You poor baby!" Courtney called with poorly acted sympathy.
Gwen and Duncan were flabbergasted.
Confessional: Duncan
"Wow. Pathetic."
End Confessional
Once Trent got to his feet and crossed over to Area 52, Chris gave out the challenge.
"Listen up, space-cases!" he called, standing in front of a Television screen. "The five-one is the most protected military base in the world! Which is why tonight's challenge is gonna be so much fun! Teehee! For me, that is! Part one: Break into Area Fifty-One without getting shot, gassed, plasma-rayed, or otherwise killed. The place is guarded by elite black ops soldiers. So if anyone does get all… exploded, their untimely but hilarious demise will be blamed on a freak weather balloon accident! Part two: Each team must find a genuine, functioning, alien artifact inside Area Fifty-One's infamous Black Box Warehouse. The place is full of broken alien junk! You need to find something alien that still works! Part three: Bring your artifact back to Area Fifty-Two, intact! Last team back faces elimination! And do not get caught over there! Rumor has it that trespassers get a memory wipe and are transferred to an alien colony where they either become slaves… or food! You have 'til dawn! Go!"
The Amazons and Minotaurs split up. The latter team took the southern route around the enormous rock formation. Trent, still in mild pain from the electrocution, lagged behind. Alejandro took the opportunity to talk to him.
"So, Courtney, huh?" the Spaniard said. "She can't stop flirting with you!"
"Yeah, I know! Didn't expect her to move on so fast!" said Trent sounding intrigued.
"Guys, you gotta see this!" Duncan called. The punk was currently crouched behind a boulder. Once his teammates caught up to him, they gawked in awe at the facility. A tall electric fence surrounded dozens of warehouses, laboratories, and bunkers.
"Whoa!" cried Trent and DJ.
"Let's go!" said Eva.
"Whoa! Hold on there, She-Hulk!" Noah scolded. "You wanna end up like Trent?!"
"Hey, look! A bunny!" DJ cried. A rabbit crossed the field in front of them.
"Looks safe to cross!" said Trent.
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
Suddenly, a laser beam shot out from one of the guard towers within the facility. The poor rabbit was electrocuted. The Minotaurs flinched.
"I'll… be on the plane!" said DJ. He turned around to head back to Area 52 but was thwarted by Eva, who grabbed the back of his shirt.
"Oh no you don't!" the female Minotaur scolded. "You're on Team Minotaur now! Not Team Crybaby Chicken!"
"Hey!" DJ cried, offended.
"Okay, listen up!" Duncan called. "I have a plan!"
Meanwhile, Team Amazon had taken the northern route around the rock formation. They had just come into view of the facility. Right in front of the fence was a plot of land with small mounds of earth protruding from the ground.
"Ooh! Some sort of security vegetable patch!" Heather mocked. Suddenly, the queen bee felt something cold and clammy gripping her leg. "Cody! Get your hands off my leg!"
"I'm not touching your leg!" said Cody, holding his hands up in proof. The Amazons looked down to see a Gila monster climbing up Heather's leg. The girls (and Cody) screamed. Heather kicked the lizard off her leg and joined her team in running away from it and towards the compound. The lizard followed them.
KABOOM!
The ground beneath the Gila exploded, sending it high into the air and out of sight.
"Since when do lizards… fly?" Heather asked, stunned.
"Everyone, freeze!" Gwen commanded. "We are on a minefield!"
The Amazons froze, now in the middle of the lumpy field.
"Way to lead, New Heather!" Sierra sneered.
"New Heather?!" Gwen repeated, offended. "At least I'm not a rapist!"
Sierra's expression became identical to that of the one she assumed when Cody had slapped her.
Meanwhile, with Team Minotaur…
"Remember, throw the rock, and then run in the opposite direction!" Duncan instructed his teammates. "Now!"
Alejandro threw a stone the size of a football to his left and then ran to the right. Sure enough, the laser zapped the stone, giving the Spaniard enough time to duck behind a boulder closer to the compound. He gave a thumbs-up.
"Your turn, Trent!" Trent gave a heave and threw his rock. It was a bit bigger than Alejandro's and he was still weak from getting shot, so it didn't go so far. The laser zapped the rock and almost got Trent again. The musician, being in no hurry to repeat the experience, ran for his life and ducked under the laser, taking cover at the boulder next to Alejandro.
"DJ! Get going!" Duncan demanded. The gentle giant threw a stone and ran blindly into the field, crashing into a cactus.
"OW!" he cried. His teammates cringed. On the bright side, the cactus obscured DJ from the laser gun's line of sight, and he seemed relatively safe.
"Noah! Go!" Duncan called. Noah ran out towards Trent and Alejandro. He tried to throw his stone, but he collapsed instead.
BZZZZZZZZZZT!
KABOOM!
The laser missed Noah by inches and ended up striking the ground behind him, causing an explosion and sending the bookworm flying through the air.
"What the hell?! Where'd he go?!" Eva cried, concerned.
THUMP!
Noah landed on the other side of the fence.
"I meant to do that!" said Noah, his voice strained. Suddenly a hatch in the ground opened up and a tube popped out and wormed its way over to Noah.
"Aw crud." The bookworm muttered as the tube sucked him up like a vacuum and retreated into the ground.
"Noah!" Eva cried. She grabbed a rock the size of a bowling ball. With one arm, she tossed it at the guard tower where the gun was mounted.
CRASH!
With deadeye accuracy, the rock smashed into the gun, completely destroying it.
"Bullseye!" Duncan commented, impressed.
"Let's go!" Eva ran across the field without getting shot at. She reached the fence and began climbing it. Despite the fact that it was electric, she soldiered on as though it wasn't.
"W-w-wait! You don't have to…" Duncan called, but Eva ignored him and climbed the fence, the electricity doing no more than mildly tickling her. The rest of the team shrugged and walked through an open gate.
"Yes! Made it!" Eva cheered. "Hey, how'd you guys get in here so fast?"
"We through the gate." said Trent. "It was wide open."
"Uh… I knew that."
Meanwhile, with Team Amazon…
"Ugh! What are we gonna do?!" Gwen grunted, she and her team still frozen in place.
"Why don't you make out with the minefield's boyfriend?" Courtney sneered.
"Yeah, Gwen!" said Lindsay. "Remember when you thought Heather stole your boyfriend?"
"He wasn't her boyfriend at the time!" Gwen snapped. "You can't steal a boyfriend if the boyfriend is free!"
"He wasn't free! I hadn't relinquished my claim on him!" Courtney growled. Lindsay looked taken aback.
"But he did on you!" Gwen retorted.
"You're an opportunistic vulture!"
"I admit, it was a little mean for me to snag him up a mere hour after he dumped you, but at that point, he was already fair game!"
"Was not!"
"Grow up, Courtney!"
"You grow up!"
"You shut up!" Heather yelled. "Both of you! We are in the middle of a minefield right now and we are trying to win a challenge! So unless you girls have any bright ideas on how to get out of this field, zip it!"
Courtney huffed. Gwen rolled her eyes but silently acknowledged that Heather was right.
"Thank you. Now how are we gonna get out of this stupid minefield?"
"Um, if we could set the mines off without touching them, he could carve a path!" Lindsay suggested.
"And how do we do that?"
"Oh, I know!" said Cody. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of candy he tossed it in front of him.
KABOOM!
The ground in front of them exploded. Once the flames died, Cody ran forward and repeated the same process, clearing a path to the compound. His teammates followed, Gwen being the most relieved.
Two minutes later, the Amazons found themselves at the entrance to the Black Box. The door was locked, so they waited for authorized personnel to enter or exit the building, ideally the latter. Thankfully, they didn't have to wait long, as several masked guards came storming out the door less than a minute after they arrived. Heather stuck her foot in the door before it closed and allowed her team to enter.
Inside the dimly-lit warehouse, the Amazons were greeted with a large assortment of bizarrely-shaped containers and machines.
"Wicked!" Gwen exclaimed. "We beat Team Minotaur here!"
"Think again, pasty!"
As Gwen shoved the door to close it, it was intercepted by Duncan, allowing the Minotaurs, sans Noah, to enter.
Chris was watching live via security cameras in the safety of his plane quarters.
"Will our amateur alien hunters make it out of the mysterious Black Box with their butts intact?" he narrated. "And what happened to Noah? Find out when we return! To Total… Drama… World Tour!"
After the commercial break, we cut back to the entrance of the Black Box where the two teams were mingling before setting off to find an artifact.
"Hey, girls!" Trent greeted. "You haven't seen Noah around have you?"
The Amazons shook their heads.
"Noah? What happened to him?" Cody asked.
"A huge tube came out of the ground and like sucked him up!" Trent reported.
"Oh no! Poor Trent!" Courtney cooed, walking up to the musician. "Y'wanna go someplace quiet and… talk about it?" she asked flirtingly. Her eyes darted behind her. Trent looked behind her to see Duncan rolling his eyes and Gwen face-palming.
"Um, sure." said Trent, becoming suspicious.
Before they could leave, Chris's voice came over the intercom.
"Welcome to the Black Box Warehouse! Finding a functioning alien artifact in here is gonna be like finding a needle in a haystack! Or, considering how dangerous this place is, finding a hay in a needle stack! A needle stack with a black ops security system! Which I accidentally set off when I hacked into this PA! My bad!"
Boop! Boop! Boop!
A low beeping nose was heard as red lights on the wall began flashing. The contestants panicked and scattered. A few minutes later, once the contestants were sure they were properly covered, the guards that had left the warehouse a few minutes earlier returned and began storming through the warehouse. Once Trent was sure that the guards were out of earshot he approached Courtney and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Courtney." He whispered seriously.
"Yes, Trent?" the CIT flirted.
"Are you just flirting with me to make Gwen and Duncan jealous?"
"You think it's working?"
Trent face-palmed.
"Look, Courtney, I'm flattered. But I'm not interested in being used for some petty revenge scheme. Come back when you're actually interested in a relationship."
Trent walked off, leaving Courtney flabbergasted.
Bonk!
The CIT was hit on the head by a piece of machinery. She rubbed her head and turned around to see Heather rummaging through a box. The queen bee pulled out a disc the size of a Frisbee. She shook it around.
"Great. More broken junk." she grunted, throwing the disc over her shoulder. It bounced across the floor twice before it popped out like a bag of popcorn and began hovering. A periscope popped out from the top. It looked like a miniature UFO. Before Heather could grab it rose thirty feet into the air and flew away.
"Ugh! Can't these boxes have labels?" Heather complained.
Meanwhile, Lindsay found what looked like an eight-foot Rock 'Em Sock 'Em robot. Cautiously, she tapped it on the shoulder. The robot whirred to life, its eyes lighting up.
"INTRUDER ALERT." it droned. "INITIATING ELIMINATION PROCEDURES."
Lindsay backed up worriedly. The robot raised its right arm. A compartment in its forearm opened up and out popped a cannon twice the size of the rest of its body. If Lindsay wasn't worried for her life, she would have questioned how it was crammed in there. The cannon whirred. Lindsay pulled out a hand mirror.
ZAP!
The cannon fired a powerful laser beam, which reflected off of Lindsay's mirror right back at the robot. The beam went straight through the robot's torso, leaving a hole the size of a basketball.
"OW." said the robot before it collapsed to the floor and shut down. At first, Lindsay was disappointed that it was no longer intact, but then figured it was too dangerous to take anyway.
Finally, Heather came across something promising. It was a large electric ring big enough to walk through. Sitting at the base was a series of buttons. Heather pushed the largest button. Almost immediately, the ring was filled with a wall of glowing, light blue goop. Curiously, Heather stuck her finger into the wall. It was runny and cold, like snot. Disgusted, Heather tried to pull her finger away but couldn't. In fact, the portal was pulling her in. She struggled, but her arm was pulled in, followed by her head, then her chest and left arm, then her stomach.
Courtney watched it happen and debated whether or not to help.
"Well, she is a pain…" the CIT muttered. "Ugh. But I need her vote to get rid of Gwen!"
Heather's loins had just passed through the portal when Courtney grabbed ahold of her ankles and yanked. After a few forceful tugs, a snap was felt and Heather came flying out of the portal as though launched from a slingshot. She landed on a stack of crates, the goop splattered messily all around her.
"Ugh! What took you so long?! I am covered in space snot!" Heather snapped. Courtney ignored her. "At least the stupid thing is intact."
Heather spotted Courtney's foot creep behind the machine.
Crash!
The portal came down with a heavy crash, instantly deactivating. Heather's eyes went wide.
"Oh no!" Courtney exclaimed. Then she shrugged. "Oh well. Better keep looking."
"Are you trying to lose?!" Heather asked incredulously.
"What?! As if!" Courtney responded, seemingly offended. When she turned away from Heather, however, an evil smirk appeared across her face.
Elsewhere, Noah, having been knocked unconscious, came to. He was sitting in what appeared to be a dental chair. His wrists were strapped to the arms of the chair with iron cuffs. The room was really small, only 10x10 feet. The walls were a cold dark blue. Sinister-looking instruments hung from the ceiling.
"No!" Noah cried. "Nonononono! Don't take my memories! My brain is my only asset!"
This panic was seemingly in vain as the instruments came to life and descended upon the trapped bookworm.
"INITIATING PROTOCOL G8751. SMALL." came a computerized voice. Noah just about crapped his pants as a helmet came down, covering the top half of his head.
"Please! If I can remember anything, let it be my hatred for Chris! And Alejandro! And Justin!" Noah pleaded. The instruments turned on and Noah started screaming in pain and panic. Just as he did, DJ and Alejandro came running by the very chamber in which he was being held prisoner. The gentle giant halted as he heard the distressed screams of his missing teammate, while Alejandro ignored it.
"It's Noah! He's in there!" DJ cried.
"DJ?! Get me outta here!" the bookworm cried.
"Don't worry, man! Have ya out in a second!" DJ cried. Alejandro leered at DJ as he punched random characters into a keypad by the chamber's door.
"DJ! There's no time!" the Spaniard protested. "We have to find an artifact! You'll never crack the combination to that room in time!"
BEEP!
HISSSSSS!
"Huh. I stand corrected."
The door to the chamber opened vertically. Steam came out with a hiss and Noah scampered out. DJ and Alejandro stared at him.
"What?" the bookworm demanded.
"Dude! You look like Heath Ledger!" DJ commented.
"You mean I look dead?"
"No! You look like the Joker!"
"What?" Noah looked around for a mirror or anything with a reflective surface. He found a cube sitting on top of a wooden crate. Noah looked into it and saw his reflection. His face had been painted white. He had a smile crudely painted over his mouth with bright red lipstick. Black circles had been painted around his eyes. His hair had been dyed a mossy green and styled into a mullet.
Noah screamed.
Chris and Chef laughed.
"Thanks again, Colonel!" Chris called into his radio. "I can see why that mullet is top secret!"
Noah tried to rub the makeup off of his face. Alejandro and DJ came up beside Noah, their eyes on the cube.
"Interesting find, Noah." said Alejandro. "Let's see what it does."
Alejandro placed his hand on the cube. It began flashing and warbling. The Spaniard quickly retracted his hand. Three jolts of electricity shot upwards into the air, forming balls of light. After a few seconds, the balls evaporated, and in their place were three space aliens floating in midair.
They were all the size of a two-year-old child. They had green skin, bald heads, and large red eyes. Their arms had three fingers each. Their legs were long and tentacle-like, also with three fingers each. They floated in midair using a leaf-shaped balloon attached to their backs.
"Augh! Aliens!" DJ cried as one of them floated towards him. "Don't probe me!"
The alien stopped and hovered a respectable distance away from DJ. It extended its arm and forefinger towards the gentle giant. DJ's nervous expression turned into mild confusion. The alien smiled sweetly. Cautiously, DJ extended his own finger. The two fingers touched in midair. DJ smiled at the alien, elated. Suddenly, the alien's sweet smile turned into a malevolent smirk.
ZAP!
A painful electrical current coursed through DJ, causing him to cry out in pain. Before Noah or Alejandro could do anything about it, the other two aliens launched themselves at them, wrapping around their faces and electrocuting them as well.
Elsewhere, Gwen had blown her cover to the guards. She ran as fast as she could but was pursued by four guards with nightsticks. She was backed into a closed-off alcove of stacked crates. She was cornered. The guards advanced on her menacingly. Just when Gwen thought she was screwed, she was rescued.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Eva screamed. She pounced on the guards and began to pummel them mercilessly. In ten seconds, she had all four of them begging for mercy or crying for their mothers.
"You okay?" she asked a shocked Gwen, once the guards were thoroughly incapacitated.
"Um… yeah…" the goth answered.
"You haven't seen Noah yet, have you?"
"No. Sorry."
"Damn. Where is he?!"
"More guards!" Gwen pointed. Eva looked behind her and saw ten more guards approaching. "There's like ten of them. Not very good odds."
"I agree. They don't stand a chance." said Eva, grinning wickedly and cracking her knuckles. She launched herself at the large men. They tried to defend themselves with nightsticks and tasers, but frankly, anything short of a minigun was completely useless on her.
Once Gwen was sure the coast was clear, she ran in the opposite direction of the fight. Not looking where she was going, she bumped into someone. She gasped but then she smiled in relief when she saw that it was only Duncan, with Trent by his side.
"Oh! Hi guys!" she greeted.
"Well, well, look who it is!" said the punk.
"How's it going, Gwen?" Trent asked.
"Awful." Gwen answered. "My team thinks I'm the new Heather. Even Heather thinks I'm the new Heather!"
"Retards." Duncan grunted. "Like kissing someone's boyfriend was the only shitty thing Heather did."
"How's Courtney?" asked Trent.
"Courtney? She's acting like a freaking maniac!"
"Kinda like in Season Two?" Duncan asked.
"Exactly!"
Duncan turned to Trent.
"You see? This is exactly what I afraid of." the punk told the musician. "For all the good breaking up did, I might as well have cheated on her."
"You did the right thing, dude." said Trent.
"Wonder what took so long for her to explode."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, before Tyler flapped his gums, Courtney didn't seem to think we had broken up."
"You don't say... Sounds like she's going through the five stages of grief."
Duncan and Gwen turned to Trent.
"Five stages of grief?" Duncan repeated.
"Yeah. Grief is an emotional process you go through when someone you love dies or breaks up with you. Or just when something really disappointing happens."
Gwen and Duncan looked at each other and read each other's minds. 'Like coming in Second place on Total Drama after working so hard and enduring so much.'
"What are the five stages?" Gwen asked.
"Well, the first is denial. You said Courtney wasn't acknowledging the break-up at first. She denied the fact that she's lost something really important. The second is anger, where she clearly is right now."
"No shit." said Duncan, his hand briefly going to his crotch.
"Yeah, she's lashing out and trying to get revenge."
"What are the other three?" Gwen asked.
"The third stage is bargaining or desperation, whichever you wanna call it. She's going to try and reverse the effects of the break-up."
"Fat chance of that." Duncan scoffed.
"Right… And when that fails, she'll move on to depression. And after that, she'll hopefully move on to acceptance."
"How long will it take?" Gwen asked, a hint of hope in her tone.
"Who knows? Everyone goes through it at their own pace. Could take anywhere from days to years."
"Heh. Aren't you the expert on the five stages of grief?" Gwen jabbed, impressed.
"Well, yeah!" said Trent, matter-of-factly. "I mean, I kinda went through it myself last year, when my girlfriend dumped me! Not that you'd know anything about that!" he added playfully.
"Yeah…" said Gwen, laughing nervously. Her eyes drifted towards Duncan. She blushed shyly. Duncan smirked back at her. Trent decided that the two needed some privacy.
"Well, I think I better get back to looking for an artifact!" said Trent, quickly excusing himself.
"Go ahead." Duncan encouraged Gwen, once Trent was gone.
"Okay." said Gwen. "The kiss was awesome. Even though everyone now thinks I'm worse than Heather. But I can see that Courtney's ridiculous flirting is getting to you. So if you've changed your mind about our situation I wouldn't blame-"
SMOOCH!
Duncan interrupted Gwen's fussing with a kiss. At first, the goth was stunned, but she moved into it, pumping her leg.
"Was that just to shut me up?" she asked after the kiss ended.
"Not entirely." Duncan answered.
"Why don't we just… let things happen, okay? No pressure, no planning, no pookums."
"Sounds awesome." Duncan smiled, knowing he had made the right choice.
Suddenly, the two were reminded that they were in the middle of the challenge when the tiny UFO from earlier soared over their heads. Duncan was also reminded that he and Gwen were on different teams when he moved to chase the UFO but was tripped by his new girlfriend. He fell to the floor. Gwen laughed as she chased after the UFO.
"Try not to get eliminated!" she teased.
"Same to you!" Duncan called back.
Elsewhere…
Cody had stumbled upon something interesting: a small pile of what looked like human-sized cocoons. He laid his finger upon one of them and was mildly electrocuted. He stuck his finger in his mouth to soothe the pain. Suddenly, it became apparent that the shock was more than static electricity. The pod he touched had started glowing and warbling. After a couple of seconds, it popped open like a peapod. And out of the pod slithered… Cody?
The geek watched in horror as his clone lumbered out of the pod like a zombie. Its skin was paler than Cody's and its eyes were glowing green. It smirked menacingly as it advanced on Cody, who backed up in fear. As creepy as it was, something even creepier appeared just a second later.
"Eeeeeeeee! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Two Codys!" Sierra squealed. "I'm confused. And excited! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" The fangirl screamed and hugged both Codys at once.
POP!
The Cody clone popped like a balloon, drenching Sierra and the real Cody in green goop.
"Okay, now I'm just confused…" said Sierra.
Meanwhile, Duncan had come across Noah, DJ, and Alejandro. All three of them had the aliens wrapped around their faces and struggled to remove them with minimal success.
"What's this? A triple-date?" Duncan snarked. The punk walked in between Noah and Alejandro and whispered to them. "Tell ya what. You agree to vote with me, and then I'll save your butt and vote with you next time."
Both Noah and Alejandro gave Duncan a thumbs-up, unaware that he was talking to both of them.
"Deal!" said Duncan smiling. He then walked over to DJ. "Okay! First, the hypocrite!"
Duncan launched his fist into the alien on DJ's face. It popped like a balloon, covering DJ's face and Duncan's hand in goop. The gentle giant also fell to the ground, having taken a bit of the blow.
"Ow! Dude! Overkill!" DJ griped.
"You're welcome!" said Duncan. The punk went over to Noah and used a different method of removing the alien. Pulling out his pocket knife, Duncan slashed at the alien's arms and legs. The extraterrestrial creature let out a soft wail as its limbs were severed. It fell to the floor, revealing Noah's clown face. Duncan snickered at the bookworm before turning to Alejandro. "Two down, one to go!"
"Don't hurt it, D!" DJ called. Duncan ignored him.
"Yeah, we could use it as our artifact." Noah added.
"Alright…" said Duncan. Duncan put his knife away and attempted to pry the alien off of Alejandro's face without killing it. Unfortunately, this meant prolonged contact with the alien's body, and the punk was electrocuted. He let go.
"Ow! A little help here, guys?" he asked.
"Sure! I'll go get a box!" said Noah, running away.
"I'll help him!" said DJ running off.
"Wusses." Duncan grunted. He braced for another round of electrocutions and attempted to yank the alien off Alejandro's face.
Meanwhile, with Team Amazon…
"Tell me you found something!" Heather demanded. All of the Amazons, save for Gwen, had gathered near the entrance of the warehouse, unfortunately empty-handed. Cody, Sierra, and Lindsay all looked quite ashamed while Courtney appeared neutral.
"I found a… penny." said Cody feebly.
"Ugh!" Heather grunted. "So, we have nothing?!"
"That's great!" Courtney blurted out. Heather and Cody leered at her, while Lindsay gawked incredulously. "-ly bad for us!" she added quickly.
"Courtney, you don't wanna lose, do you?" Lindsay asked.
"No, of course not!" Courtney lied. "But losing isn't the end of the world, you know."
Heather felt offended at such a blasphemous and hypocritical statement.
"Guys!" called Gwen. She approached the team with the miniature UFO Heather had thrown away. "One working alien artifact! Totally intact! Hold the mayo!"
Courtney and Sierra scoffed.
"Save it for First Class!" Heather snapped. "Let's go!"
Meanwhile, with Team Minotaur…
Noah and DJ had just found a cardboard box large enough to stuff the alien in when suddenly, Eva and Trent arrived.
"Noah! You're okay!" Eva cried, sounding highly relieved. "Where were you?!"
"Powdering my nose and fixing my hair." Noah snarked. "Where were you?"
"Kicking ass." said Eva shortly.
We briefly cut to a pile of beaten-up guards. There were about forty of them laying painfully on top of one another, moaning and groaning in pain.
DJ and Noah led Eva and Trent back to Duncan and Alejandro. The punk was still struggling to remove the alien from the Spaniard's face in a nonviolent manner. Without even stopping to think, the big girl launched herself at the alien and smashed it like a bug.
"Eva!" Noah and Duncan scolded.
"Uh, you're welcome!" said Eva, offended by the lack of gratitude.
"I appreciate the rescue, Eva." said Alejandro. "But we were kind of hoping to bring that alien back to Chris."
"Oh. Oops." said Eva.
"What about that cube?" Trent asked, pointing to the cube that the aliens popped out of. "Can we use that?"
"That's the cube the aliens came out of!" said DJ, fearfully.
"Yeah, so what?" said Eva.
"Eva's right, DJ. With her around, we should be relatively safe." said Alejandro.
Noah scooped up the cube into the cardboard box, careful not to activate it again.
"One intact alien artifact. First Class, here we come!" Duncan declared.
"Let's go! Vamanos!" Alejandro commanded. The Minotaurs sprinted for the exit.
The Amazons and Minotaurs were both on their way. They each took the same route they used to approach the facility. Neither team could see the other and it was unclear which of them was ahead.
But as Area 52 and the Jumbo Plane came into the Minotaur's sights, their hearts jumped.
"The Amazons win again!" Chris announced, holding the miniature UFO in his hand. Cody and the girls were cheering, except for Courtney who was seething with rage.
"What?! Argh!" Alejandro barked, stamping his foot.
"SON OF A BITCH!" Eva screamed. The male Minotaurs covered their ears.
"Could you speak up, Eva?" Noah snarked. "I don't think they heard you over in Mexico!"
"We just lost four in a row!" Eva snapped. "What the hell, guys?!"
"Yeah, we're turning into Team Victory!" said Duncan.
"Hey!" DJ snapped, offended.
"He's right! Ever since you came onto our team, we've been getting our asses kicked!" Eva ranted.
"You lost in Jamaica! That was before I joined you!" DJ pointed out.
"Coincidence! And a fat lot of good you've been ever since!"
"I'm not the one who smashed an alien life form!"
"Yeah, but I am the reason none of you idiots are Martian livestock!"
"Eva! Sit! Down! Bad girl!" Noah scolded, popping in between the two. He then mouthed something to her that caused her to back down.
Elimination Ceremony
"Team Minotaur!" Chris greeted the Minoatuars ten minutes later, after the votes had been cast. "Not a lot of teamwork going on tonight! Noah, wasting time on a new hairdo? Not cool! Duncan, making deals before you help your teammates? That's low! Alejandro, trying to get your team to abandon Noah? Even lower! Trent, flirting with someone from the other team?"
"Hey, she was hitting on me!" Trent defended. "Not the other way around!"
"Whatever. The point is, in spite of your blustering, all four of you are safe!" said Chris.
Noah, Alejandro, Duncan, and Trent got up to receive boarding passes from Chris. As soon as the punk's fingers touched his ticket, Courtney shot out of the plane like a rocket.
"What?! Again?!" she shrieked. "You're letting this adulterous swine go unpunished?!"
"Cry me a river." said Noah.
"I swear! Boys have no standards!"
"Neither do you!" Duncan snapped. Courtney threw a rock at Duncan's head, who ducked just in time.
"That's it! No more Mrs. Nice Guy! People are gonna pay! Two peoples specifically! You hear me?! I! Will! Have! My! Revenge!"
"Not tonight, Courtney." said Chris. "Tonight, either Eva or DJ will be going home."
As Courtney stomped back onto the plane, Chris turned to the two remaining contestants, both of whom looked quite nervous.
"Eva, you were the reason everyone got back here in one piece. However, you also threw a temper tantrum upon losing for the fourth time in a row." Chris scolded. Eva averted her head shyly. "And DJ, ever since you moved teams, the seemingly unstoppable Team Minotaur has turned into a joke, kinda like your old team!" DJ was too worried to be offended. "You're both useful, and you're both threats. But the person the Minotaurs chose to save is…"
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"Eva!" said Chris.
Like in Jamaica, Eva's relief was far from subtle. DJ, however, looked rather heartbroken. Like Owen, DJ had never been properly eliminated and the disappointment was overwhelming.
"Really, guys?" said DJ. Alejandro and Noah gave neutral frowns to DJ. Duncan and Trent both had somber expressions on their faces.
"Sorry, bud." said Duncan.
"Hey, DJ." said Eva, turning to the gentle giant. "Sorry for losing my temper back there."
"No, I get it." said DJ. "You were frustrated. I remember getting frustrated too."
"Thank you." said Eva. She shook hands with DJ. Trent came over.
"Hey, DJ. Just want you to know that I didn't vote for you." said the musician.
"Hey, thanks, man. Tell Lindsay I'm rooting for her."
"Will do."
The Minotaurs boarded the plane and the plane took off, leaving DJ stranded in the desert. Upset, DJ kicked the warp cube like a soccer ball. It bounced across the ground for a few seconds before a dozen more aliens popped out of it.
"Oh shit."
Confessional: Duncan
"Yeah, I had Noah and Alejandro vote DJ off. Believe me, I'm not doing this to get even with him. I wasn't even planning on getting him booted until today when he refused to hear me out." (Sighs in depression) "Sorry, dude. I just don't trust you anymore."
End Confessional
Meanwhile in First Class…
"I want Gwen gone too but strategy is key. We need to focus on picking off the guys." said Heather, sitting next to Courtney. The CIT was writing on a notepad furiously, her expression deranged and frustrated. "Hello? Are you even listening to me?!"
"Gothy's going down! Gothy's going down!" Courtney sang creepily. "Gothy is going do-o-o-o-o-o-own!"
Confessional: Heather
"Izzy, you have been replaced."
End Confessional
Gwen was sitting alone when suddenly, she got a visitor.
"Hey, Gwen."
"Lindsay?"
"Can we talk?"
"Um, sure. What's up?"
"I've been thinking…" said the formerly dumb blonde, sitting across from the goth. "You see, in the last two seasons, you and I have never really been on the same side. We were on the same team in Season One, but I was a part of Heather's alliance. And I, having a crayon in my brain, believed her when she said that she was my friend and you were my enemy. Then in Season Two, Justin tricked me into thinking you had Trent throw challenges for us. And now you're being accused of kissing Courtney's boyfriend. The last two times, I was wrong and I don't want to rush to judgment again. I wanna hear your side of the story."
Gwen thought it was too good to be true. Someone was actually giving her the benefit of the doubt.
"Well, since you asked…" said Gwen before recounting the events after the challenge in London. Lindsay listened aptly and didn't interrupt.
"Okay…" she finally said, once Gwen had finished. "Well, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."
"You believe me?" said Gwen, hopefully.
"Yeah, I believe you. It was still a little mean to snatch Courtney's ex, but Duncan was technically free. If you need my help getting rid of Courtney, you've got it."
"Wow." said Gwen. "Thanks, Lindsay."
Chris closed out the episode from the cockpit.
"Will Courtney get her revenge? Or will Gwen turn the tables on her? Find out next time! Right here! On Total… Drama… World Tour!"
Votes
Alejandro: DJ
DJ: Eva
Duncan: DJ
Eva: DJ
Noah: DJ
Trent: Eva
Results
DJ: 4 votes (Eliminated)
Eva: 2 votes
Rankings
12. DJ
13. Tyler
14. Owen
15. Izzy
16. Justin
17. Katie
18. Ezekiel
19. Sadie
20. Leshawna
21. Geoff
22. Bridgette
23. Harold
24. Beth
Author's note: Finally, I'm done with this one! I hope you're all as happy as I am. I just haven't had the energy to write as much, with things going on in real life that have been exhausting and stressful, not the least of which was a car accident. I'll get this fic done, but you'll have to expect updates to be less frequent.
It took a while for me to decide on the nature of DJ's elimination. A different idea I had was for Team Amazon to lose, only for to DJ be medically evacuated after stepping on mine much like Tyler in canon. Then I realized, I'd still have to eliminate someone from Team Amazon in order to remain consistent. Sorry to fans of DJ.
Anyway, we've finally got a look at the cast for the new season. I gotta say, I'm really warming up to many of them. My favorites are Nichelle and Scary Girl, while Damien, Chase, Priyah, and Millie are also really cool. Ripper, Caleb, Axel, and MK aren't bad either. Who are your favorites so far?