Total Drama World Tour Deluxe
Chapter 17: Sweden Sour
Review Responses
gman5846: Thank you.
Spectacular Webhead 11: I understand the feeling but Alejandro is far too important of a character to get rid of so early.
The Riverian: 1. Thanksgiving and Christmas are rather time-consuming for me, so sorry about that. 2. Um, thanks? 3. We'll see...
Cody Fanatic: Right. Thanks.
LaCuevademisgustos: Thank you.
AnonBrowser: Sometimes it seems like the only reactions I get are "I saw it coming a mile away!" and "I have never been so shocked!" Anyway, yes, Alejandro was being quite snobbish with Noah, that's just part of their rivalry. I do see Alejandro as the type to despise Dav Pilkey's famous book series for its toilet humor. I'm glad that I'm also making Duncan more likable here than in canon. Because while he is my favorite male character, I do acknowledge that he has flaws that would turn people away from him, kinda like you and another charismatic bad boy from TDROTI. If only fans of certain other characters would put in the effort to do the same...
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thank you.
Guest:
1. Happens to the best of us.
2. Thank you.
3. So was I, at first.
4. Thanks.
5. Thanks.
6. Don't worry about me.
7. Not right now.
8. Yup.
9. Um, do you want me to spoil his fic? Because that ain't happening.
10. Nope.
11. That's a rather personal question, don't you think?
12. You're welcome.
Theboiishere123: Tough choice, but at the moment, Gwuncan.
SuperSonicHeroes: Yes, thank you very much. I too am not a huge fan of Cody. As a result, I am not allergic to him getting called out for his misbehavior. But I don't hate him. I just think he needs to grow up a little and learn to be respectful of Gwen's personal space. As for the idea of Ed being Alejandro's uncle Eduardo, that's an amusing concept, and even if it were true, I don't think Ed would be disappointed at all. After all, Ed is pretty fond of his sister Sarah. If you can love that brat, you can love anyone.
Rockin' D-99: Thank you very much! Yes, Cody's canon behavior is really hard to defend. He's either a petty vindictive brat or a hypocritical simp. Pick your poison. I knew it had to be changed here in this fic. As for Gwen, I just really wanted to give her a dignified exit, something Action, World Tour, and All-Stars failed to do.
Crosshot: Thank you!
WeirdAlfan101: Yeah, I see your point. But in the case of the doctored photo, he was specifically targeting Sierra's emotional state, not Cody's. Here, in addition to forging Gwen's handwriting flawlessly, he targets Cody directly and at a time when he's emotionally vulnerable.
lordgemini: Um, okay then.
"Last time on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris narrated. "Australia! It will amaze you! …If it doesn't kill you first! Here, Duncan's new babe tried to convince her team to vote out Duncan's old babe, who flirted with Alejandro to stick it to Duncan! Except Duncan and Alejandro were sticking it to her! Brain hurt yet? Noah took a page out of Courtney's book and tried to accidentally-on-purpose lose the challenge to get rid of his hated enemy. Which was weird, considering he's supposed to be smart! And Alejandro, ever the clever devil, tricked Cody into believing that Gwen was using him. Man, this guy is amazing! In the end, it all came down to Courtney and Gwen, who tied at the ballot box. Yours truly had an awesome tiebreaker planned but we didn't get to do it, thanks to Gwen McQuittypants! We're down to our top ten! Who will get the boot tonight? Find out now! On Total… Drama… World Tour!"
After the theme song, we cut to Economy Class. There was an unusually high number of happy contestants in the shabby, third-class compartment, that number being a whopping one.
A rat crawled out of its hole and was scooped up by Sierra. The fangirl sighed in contentment.
"Isn't today just the best?" she asked serenely.
Confessional: Sierra
"Gwen is gone! I vanquished my foe! And the best part: Cody voted for her! Which means he no longer loves her and can now find his true love: moi!"
End Confessional
Cody had yet to stop crying following the departure of the girl he loved. He sobbed for an hour after the plane left Australia and probably would have done so longer had Heather not yelled unkindly at him to shut up and go to sleep. Still, after waking up, he resumed his weepy demeanor and had not gone more than five minutes without tears leaving his eyes. The grief alone was terrible enough but the guilt doubled the feeling of lousiness.
Over on the other side of the cabin, Courtney sat looking pretty unhappy herself. Despite technically achieving her goal of getting Gwen eliminated, she felt confusingly empty. She kept telling herself that it was because Gwen had taken the coward's way out, thus cheapening the moment where she triumphed. And yet, some part of her remained unconvinced.
"Why are you down in the dumps?" Heather demanded. "You got what you wanted! Gwen's gone! You have your revenge! And it took us getting into Loser Class to do it! It had better be worth it!"
"I don't know…" said Courtney.
"Courtney, my love?" came a charming voice. Courtney immediately perked up, while Heather scowled. Alejandro stood near the entrance to First Class, beckoning the CIT to him. She happily jumped up and skipped over to him.
"Hello, Alejandro!" she greeted sweetly.
"Ah, Courtney." the Spaniard swooned. "If only the sea were of ink and the sky of parchment… but not even then could I even begin to describe how captivating you are."
Courtney blushed and giggled.
"I bet you say that to all the pretty girls!" Courtney flirted.
"I do. But you're the only pretty girl here." Alejandro responded. Heather leered venomously.
"You wouldn't mind if I joined you in First Class?" Courtney requested. "The air back here is just so stale and annoying!" At this, Heather's face turned red.
"Nothing would make me happier. Unfortunately, I feel as though there are those up there who would make you feel… unwelcome."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." the CIT sighed.
"Still, I'm sure I can make your trip a little sweeter!" Alejandro kissed Courtney's hand.
"Aw! Thanks! You!" Courtney swooned.
Confessional: Heather
"Ugh! Back in loser class, thanks to Courtney! She should be home right now! Not flirting with Alejandro! She's just trying to mess with me! And him! Fawning all over… Ugh! …Courtney!"
End Confessional
Alejandro walked into First Class. All of his teammates were sitting at the table, consuming chocolate chip cookies. There was an awkward silence as Alejandro approached the table and acquired two cookies. He ignored it and walked back to Economy, allowing the rest of the Minotaurs to comfortably resume their conversation.
"Man, it's been too long since we've been to First Class." said Duncan. "Almost forgot what being a winner was like."
"Yup." said Eva. "So, they voted off Gwen huh? That's a shame."
"Ya don't say…" said Duncan solemnly.
"Yeah. Apart from you and Noah here, Gwen was the only contestant I had any respect for. No offense, Trent." said Eva.
"Huh?" said Trent, who was busy staring at the entrance to Economy.
"Never mind."
"Okay then…" said Trent before turning to Duncan. "So, Courtney and Alejandro… is that weird for you?"
"Couldn't care less." the punk responded. Such a response was often said dishonestly and defensively but Trent could tell it was genuine.
"Yeah, it's kinda funny." said Noah. "After all, the guy's clearly into Heather."
"Heather? You sure?" Trent asked.
"Bigtime!" said Noah confidently.
"One minute." said Trent, standing up and marching toward Economy. He peered through the window in the door in time to see Alejandro hand Courtney a cookie.
"Chocolate chip?" Courtney gasped femininely. "My favorite!"
"My mother always said, the road to a woman's heart is a long one. But shortcuts are made of chocolate!"
"She's pretty smart!"
Confessional: Alejandro
"Courtney would normally be a much greater challenge. But being dumped by Duncan has completely broken her. Now I need only give her a cookie to secure her trust! And this is what I'll do with that trust!" (Crushes the cookie in his bare hand while grinning wickedly)
End Confessional
Courtney and Alejandro held each other in their arms and took turns feeding each other bites of their cookie. Trent watched from First Class with anger and disgust, and he wasn't the only one.
"Oh no! Did I just sit in some gum?" said Heather loudly, standing up and pointing her rear at Alejandro. The Spaniard ignored her.
"Hm, no." said Sierra.
"I think I sat in some gum! Oh no!" said Heather, raising the volume.
"Uh nope, you're all good."
Heather cast an irritated glare at the fangirl.
"Someone look at my ass!" Heather yelled. "Is it-?!"
"Totally clean!" Sierra yelled. "Sheesh, obsessed much?"
Heather adopted a normal posture and leered at Sierra. She sat down. In doing so, she caught sight of Lindsay.
"What are you smiling at?!" she demanded.
"Oh, nothing!" said Lindsay slyly.
Confessional: Lindsay
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Heather being jealous is adorable!"
End Confessional
Sometime later, the plane began descending without warning. The contestants were used to this, but the plane had landed on a frozen lake with a surface slicker than Alejandro's wit. The plane skidded and swerved, swinging everyone on the plane into a dizzy. Luckily, the lake was more than large enough for the plane to halt before it collided lethally with anything.
The contestants were forced out by Chef into the freezing cold without being allowed to dress for the weather. They stood for about five minutes, each of them becoming progressively more worried about the possibility of hypothermia, when Chris, dressed in a white parka finally appeared.
"Velcome to Shveden!" Chris said in an offensively bad Swedish accent.
"Where are our jackets?!" Heather demanded.
"Um, I worked really hard on that accent." said Chris. "It would have been nice if someone had commented!"
"You sound like Ezekiel! Happy?!" said Noah. The contestants laughed. Chris pouted and walked off. Once the laughter stopped, Courtney approached her ex.
"Okay, let's hear it." said Courtney.
"Hear?" Duncan repeated, not looking at the CIT.
"Your apology?" Courtney clarified.
"For?"
"For what?! Gwen!"
Cody burst into tears.
"I already did!" Duncan growled.
"That didn't count! You only apologized out of desperation!"
"Right, I'm sorry. Sorry that you found out."
"That doesn't count either!"
"Nothing ever counts for you!" Duncan yelled. "Break-ups, eliminations, custody battles, you just have to make every little bad thing everyone else's problem!"
"It's called getting justice! You and Gwen don't know the meaning of the word!"
"Gwen…" Cody wailed.
"Put a sock in it, traitor!" Duncan snapped. "It's your own fault for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!"
"Hey! Can we pretend that I already feel bad about it and that you don't need to rub it in?" Cody wailed.
"Oh, you feel bad?" Duncan mocked. "Well, shit! I'm sure Gwen'll find that awfully comforting!" He stomped over to the upset geek and picked him up by his shirt collar. "Word of advice, Cody: If you're going to screw over my girlfriend, try not to get caught. Harold learned that the hard way!"
Duncan now had a good look at Cody's face. Tears flowed from his eyes as though a faucet had been turned on in a mild setting. In it, the punk could see grief, remorse, and fear. Despite his anger, he took pity on the geek and dropped him on his rear before walking back to his team.
Cody got to his feet only for Alejandro to knock him back down as he approached Courtney.
"May I offer my Latin warmth?" the Spaniard offered, scooping the CIT up in his arms. He then whispered "Let's make Duncan crazy!" to her.
"Thanks… Ale-hunk-dro!" Courtney swooned, not realizing that by "Duncan" Alejandro actually meant "Heather". His plan seem to work, as the queen bee approached Trent, who was fuming at the sight.
"Mind helping me stay warm?" she flirted, hugging the musician.
"Yeah, I kinda do!" said Trent. He tried to push her off but she grabbed Trent's hair and the back of his collar. She clung to him and wouldn't let go, like a two-year-old who didn't want to be put down. "Ugh! Seriously?! Let go!"
Finally, Chris returned.
"Alright everyone, here are your coats!" said Chris bitterly, as though he was being forced to do it against his will. The contestants graciously took their winter clothes and bundled up.
Confessional: Lindsay
"Something's bugging me about Gwen's elimination. Cody voted for her because he peeked in Gwen's diary and saw a fake entry apparently written by Sierra. But Alejandro was the one who gave Cody the diary. How does he fit into this puzzle?"
End Confessional
Chris led the contestants over to the shore where two large piles of lumber sat. One for the Amazons and one for the Minotaurs.
"Before you is a mysterious pile of tools and building materials!" Chris explained. "Your first challenge is to use sledgehammers, giant Allen wrenches, and your wits to figure out what it's supposed to be and assemble it!"
"Looks like I'm up." said Noah haughtily.
"Sounds like fun!" said Lindsay.
"Sadly, the assembly instructions were 'accidentally' destroyed when they were put through when they were put through a paper shredder." said Chris. "Anywho, the team who does a superior job assembling their thingamajigger will earn a big advantage in Part Two of the challenge! You have one hour, so… go!"
The teams approached their respective lumber piles and began rummaging through them.
"We should lay out the pieces to try and figure out what we're building." said Courtney, back in bossy mode.
"Is that how you plan on slowing us down, this time?!" Heather spat, putting a large bolt and a knut together. She then inserted an Allen wrench into the bolt's socket.
"Wait!" Courtney yelled, grabbing the wrench. "We don't even know what we're building!"
"Let go!" Heather barked.
"You let go!" Courtney argued.
The two girls began a game of tug-of-war with the wrench.
"What do you think, Cody?" Sierra asked sweetly.
"Don't talk to me!" Cody barked.
Confessional: Sierra
"Okay… maybe he's still a bit mad about Gwen. But I'll calm him down! That's what a good girlfriend does!"
End Confessional
Over on the Minotaurs, Alejandro, Eva, and Trent were busy laying all the pieces out. Duncan and Noah were enjoying Heather and Courtney's fight.
"Twenty bucks on Courtney." the bookworm challenged.
"You're on!" the punk accepted.
Alejandro approached Eva.
"I know you have a certain fondness for that… silver-tongued individual, but did you notice that he was trying to lose the last challenge for us?"
"Um… maybe…" said Eva nervously.
"He must have a grudge against someone on this team, and such hatred has no place on a team such as ours. Join me in voting him off, and I will make sure you make it to the finale with me."
"Um… I'll think about it." said Eva.
Back over with the Amazons, Heather, and Courtney had yet to resolve their quarrel as no one was brave enough to volunteer to be a referee. Lindsay was looking over the supplies and eventually put together what they were supposed to put together. She snapped her fingers and began hastily connecting pieces together, all while singing and whistling a merry tune.
"I would while away the hours, conferring with the flowers, consulting with the rain! (Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo) And my head I'd be scratching while my thoughts are busy hatching if I only had a brain!"
"Lindsay's got it!" Sierra called.
"Lindsay, stop!" Courtney yelled.
"Let her do it! She's probably figured it out!" said Heather.
"I'd unravel every riddle for any individual in trouble or in pain! (Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo) With the thoughts I'd be thinkin', I could be another Lincoln if I only had a brain!"
Meanwhile, with the Minotaurs, Eva held a large piece of wood shaped like a half-circle. There were a half dozen of these particular pieces.
"These things look like whale ribs." the big girl commented. "Are we supposed to be building a wooden whale?"
"Eva, you stupid genius!" Noah exclaimed.
"Thanks…?" Eva uttered, confused.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?" Trent asked.
"It's both." said Duncan, impressed.
"Wait, so we are supposed to build a wooden whale?" Eva asked.
"Not literally." Noah clarified. "Here, stand those 'ribs' up. Trent, get the boards and the canvas. Duncan, the sledge. Al, the wrench."
"Now, you're speaking my language!" said Duncan as he enthusiastically went to retrieve the sledgehammer.
"And what of you?" Alejandro asked venomously.
"I'm supervising, as I'm the only one who's more brains than brawn on this team." said Noah arrogantly. "That gonna be a problem?"
"Taking responsibility for our potential defeat? No, that won't be a problem at all." said Alejandro.
"Good." said Noah.
"What do we need the canvas for?" Trent asked, arriving with said item under his left arm.
"Some privacy." Noah answered, pointing over to the Amazons. Trent looked and saw that Courtney was spying on the Minotaurs. Duncan and Alejandro set the canvas obscuring the Amazons' view of the Minotaurs, and vice versa. The two high-fived.
Confessional: Duncan
"Make no mistake, I don't trust Alejandro any more than I do Heather, nor do I like him any more than I do Courtney. But him knowing that doesn't help me. So, I'll keep it buddy-buddy for now!"
End Confessional
"Oh, I… could tell you why… the ocean's near the shore!" Lindsay sang as her team handed her building supplies. "I could think of things I never thunk before! And then I'd sit... and think some more! I would not be just a muffin, my head all full of stuffin', my heart all full of pain. (Wee-woo-wee-woo-wee-woo) I would dance and be merry, I'd be happy as a cherry if I only had a brain!"
"Lindsay, can you quit that singing and tell us what the hell it is we're supposed to be building?" Heather snapped.
"We're building a boat." said Lindsay, annoyed.
"A boat?" Heather, Courtney, and Sierra repeated.
"Yes, girls. A boat!" Lindsay affirmed in a slightly condescending tone.
"Awesome! A boat!" Sierra exclaimed loudly. "We're building a boat!"
Team Amazon cringed.
"Sierra! Don't let the boys know!" Heather shushed.
Noah was watching from behind the canvas. With a smug expression, he quickly took it down to show that Team Minotaur was much further along in the construction of a Viking longship. Eva held the boards in place while Duncan hammered nails into them and Trent wrenched them. Alejandro was busy organizing the decorations, which included brightly-colored wooden shields, a painted sail, and a figurehead in the shape of a dragon's head.
"Shit, they're way ahead of us!" Heather exclaimed.
"Thirty minutes left, guys!" Chris called.
"Thirty minutes?" said Lindsay worriedly. She look at the Minotaur's longship and compared it to her team's boat. The guys were about seventy-five percent finished with the construction of their vessel compared to the girls, who were only about forty percent. This was undoubtedly due to the Minotaurs having superior overall brute strength and the fact that none of its members were too injured or depressed to help out. The formerly dumb blonde thought hard about what to do.
"Pick up the pace, people!" Courtney commanded.
"You don't get to give out commands!" Heather sneered.
"Guys, I have an idea!" said Lindsay.
"Yes, Lindsay?" Heather responded politely, much to Courtney's outrage.
"We'll have to cut a few corners in order to get it ready in time, but I think I know how we can win! Heather, Courtney, get working on the deck! Sierra, start carving that dragon!"
"Into what?" the fangirl asked.
Lindsay hopped down and whispered into the injured fangirl's ear.
"Oh! Good idea!" Sierra complimented. She picked up a chisel and began whittling the dragon figurehead into something else.
"Cody! Cody?" Lindsay called. The geek, miserable as ever, was sitting on a boulder, drawing Gwen's face in the snow with a stick. The formerly dumb blonde walked up to Cody, who seemed startled upon seeing her approach.
"What do you want?" said Cody fearfully.
"I want to know what happened in Australia." said Lindsay.
"It's not my fault!" Cody shouted in panic. "Okay, maybe it is! I don't know! I'm so confused!"
"Calm down, Cody. Just tell me what happened. I promise I won't judge you." said Lindsay patiently. Cody hesitated, but it looked into Lindsay's gorgeous blue eyes, instantly letting him know he had nothing to worry about.
"Well… you see… it actually started in Jamaica." Cody began. He proceeded to tell Lindsay about him taking bikini pics of a sleeping Gwen, getting caught by Trent, ratted out by Tyler, getting a figurative gut punch from an angry goth, reconciling before the challenge in Australia, making a deal to vote off Courtney and Sierra, Alejandro sweetly reassuring him that Gwen was not worth it, getting handed Gwen's diary, and peeking inside it. Lindsay was not impressed with the last point even after Cody explained that he was only doing it to ensure that Gwen wasn't using him, but she kept quiet as promised.
"So… Alejandro gave you the diary?" Lindsay asked once Cody was done. "After saying that Gwen was no good for you?"
"Yes." Cody answered.
"And he said that Sierra was writing in it?"
"Yup."
"What exactly was written in it that was so upsetting?" Lindsay asked.
"That I'm as disgusting as Sierra, that I'm a simp, that I could never be cool, and that Gwen planned to eliminate me right after Courtney!"
Cody burst into tears and Lindsay gave him a hug, letting him cry on her shoulder for a minute.
"Thank you, Cody. Now can you be a pal and help us put together our boat?" said Lindsay. "We need someone manly to help us win."
"Sure." said Cody. The geek got up and joined Heather and Courtney in putting the longship together. Lindsay then walked over to Sierra who, despite her broken arm, was doing a fine job whittling the figurehead.
"Hi, Sierra." she greeted kindly.
"Hi, Lindsay! What's up?"
"Alejandro said that you were writing in Gwen's diary. Is that true?"
"Um… maybe?" said Sierra.
"Come on, Sierra, speak honestly!" Lindsay demanded sternly.
"Okay, fine! I did!"
"And what did you write?"
"Just silly stuff…"
"Like?"
"Like, 'I'm Gwen and I poop my pants and I'm a loser and I wanna die.'"
"Uh…" Lindsay looked disturbed.
"I even drew a picture! Wanna see?" Sierra didn't wait for Lindsay's answer before pulling out an extremely graphic drawing of Gwen. It featured Gwen wearing a soiled diaper, hanging from a set of gallows, and crying her eyes out as she suffocated.
"Um, funny!" said Lindsay, backing away from the highly disturbing image.
"I also have one of Sadie! Wanna see?"
"Uh, no thanks! Just keep up the good work!"
Confessional: Lindsay
"Boy, Sierra really needs therapy. And maybe a straightjacket... Regardless, I don't think she wrote the damning diary entry that turned Cody against Gwen. Everything that Cody saw in the book matches way too closely with what Alejandro was trying to convince Cody of. There's only one possible explanation: Alejandro wrote it and framed Sierra for it! And if that's true… Wow! That is just evil!"
End Confessional
Twenty minutes later…
"Alright everyone, put down your tools! Your hour is up!" said Chris. "Let's see how you did!"
The contestants put down their tools and waited for Chris to judge their Viking ships. It looked pretty grim for the Amazons. While their ship was in sailable condition, it was clearly a rush job. The boards were slightly uneven, nails and bolts stuck out, and the shields weren't properly aligned. Compare that to the Minotaur's ship, which was sleek, neat, properly put together, decorated, and just had the look of being made by professional carpenters.
"Nice, nice, nice, nice." said Chris, looking over the Minotaur's longship. The guys gave each other confident smirks.
"I dub thee, Noah's Ark!" said Noah boastfully.
"Noah's Ark, eh?" Trent chuckled. "Cool. Now we just have to get two of each animal."
"Yeah, two wolves, two polar bears, and two abominable snowmen!" Duncan laughed.
"Yetis." Alejandro corrected.
Chris went over to look at the Amazons' longship. He frowned in disappointment as he walked around the boat. The Amazons looked quite forlorn, that is until Chris caught sight of the figurehead.
"What is that?!" Chris gasped, awestruck. The contestants, minus Lindsay and Sierra walked around to the front of the Amazon's boat. The Minotaurs gasped. The Amazons lit up with hope. "Man, who is that good-looking guy?"
"Get some glasses, old man!" Duncan snarked. Chris ignored him and continued marveling at Team Amazon's figurehead, which had been whittled down from a dragon and into a flattering likeness of Chris McLean.
"We call our boat… Chrissiopeia!" Lindsay announced.
"Oh, she's a beauty!" Chris swooned. "Team Amazon wins Part One!"
The Amazons cheered, except for Courtney. The Minotaurs had expressions of exasperated disbelief like they had when Owen had eaten their sausage back in Germany.
"Lindsay two, Noah zero." Duncan commented.
"Whatever." said Noah, trying desperately to hide his humiliation.
Confessional: Noah
"So, the Amazons score a cheap win by sucking up to Chris and stroking his ego. (Pauses for a moment) DAMMIT, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?! ARRRRRRRRGGGH!"
End Confessional
"Here's your reward!" said Chris, handing a large bag to the Amazons. Lindsay, opened the bag excitedly with Heather and Courtney crowding around. Their expressions fell into confusion and mild disappointment, for the bag was filled with dark gray stones ranging in size from that of a golf ball to that of a football.
"A bag of coal?" Heather grunted. "Ugh. Reminds of Christmas. I hate Christmas! Haven't gotten anything but coal for the last five years!"
"That's 'cause Santa knows you've been a naughty girl, Heather!" Lindsay teased.
"Santa doesn't know shit!" Heather snapped.
"Now, drag your ship to open water and sail north until you find Chef, to receive your next instruction!" Chris commanded both teams.
"Wait! What are the rocks for?" Courtney asked. Chris ignored her and walked away.
"I'll pull from the bow!" Alejandro declared, ripping his coat and shirt off dramatically.
"Uh, half-naked?" Noah inquired of the now bare-chested Spaniard.
"Questions are for later! Actions are for now! Push, my friends! Push like the wind!" Alejandro tied a rope around his shoulders and attached it to the front of the boat. Courtney, Heather, and Lindsay swooned. Even Eva was blushing at the sight.
"Uh, hello?!" Sierra called, snapping her female teammates out of their trance and catching their attention. "Shouldn't we be focusing on getting our ship to water?"
Courtney, Heather, and Lindsay muttered embarrassed agreements before running behind the ship and pushing towards the water which was about two hundred yards away. The Amazons made better progress than the Minotaurs for two reasons. The first was that their boat, Chrissiopeia, was about fifty percent smaller than the Minotaurs' boat, Noah's Ark. The second was that every member of the team was pushing their boat while the Minotaurs weren't.
"Ugh! Why are you and I the only ones pushing?" Duncan asked Trent.
"I was about to ask you that!" said the musician.
"Hey, Eva! Mind giving us a hand?" the punk shouted. "Eva? Noah, where's Eva?"
"She should be back momentarily." said Noah, who had already climbed aboard.
"What? What's she doing?" Trent asked.
True to Noah's word, Eva arrived with a sledgehammer in each hand.
"Got the hammers, Noah." she reported. "What did you want me to do with them?"
"What you do best." said Noah, grinning.
"Huh? …Oh. Ooooooooh!" said Eva, grinning maniacally. She held both hammers as though they were as light as croquet mallets. She ran in front of the Minotuars' boat and began pounding on the ice like a maniac.
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Each impact was like an earthquake. The Amazons and Minotaurs could feel the shockwaves shaking the ground. Despite holding pretty well, the ice began cracking causing almost everyone to panic.
"THE ICE IS CRACKING!" Chris screamed. He turned to the camera to throw to commercial. "Will Eva finally kill us all? Stick around to find out on Total… Drama… World Tour! Every host for himself!"
After the commercial break, we cut to the aftermath of Eva's handiwork. The cracks in the ice were spreading fast, making it apparent that its function as solid ground was quickly coming to an end.
"Get on my ark, you fools!" Noah yelled. Eva, Trent, Duncan, and Alejandro quickly scrambled to climb aboard Noah's Ark. As soon as all five members were aboard, the ice beneath them gave out completely.
"Woo! That was great!" said Eva, full of adrenaline.
Trent rolled down the sail while Alejandro took control of the rudder.
Meanwhile, the ice beneath Chrissiopeia was seconds away from giving out.
"We're out of time!" Lindsay cried. "Everyone in!"
The Amazons quickly hopped aboard, save for Sierra whose broken leg and arm hindered her.
"Help!" the fangirl cried. "Cody, help!"
Cody frowned in contempt at Sierra. Regardless, he grabbed Sierra's uninjured arm instead and pulled her aboard just as the ice collapsed.
"She floats!" Lindsay cried happily.
"Let's get 'em!" Heather yelled. The queen bee rolled down the sail and Courtney took control of the rudder.
"Excellent work, She-Hulk!" Noah complimented.
"Yes, Eva! You really are our MVP for sparing us the trouble of dragging this boat all the way to the water!" Alejandro complimented.
"Uh, thanks?" said Eva, not used to so much praise.
"What was it you called her, Noah? A stupid genius?"
Noah chuckled nervously.
"Where I'm from, that's a compliment! Tough neighborhood!"
Trent and Duncan glanced at each other.
Meanwhile, with Team Amazon, things were going smoothly for the first time since Greece. Not that Cody would describe it that way. The geek's arms and head were hanging over the side of the boat. Sierra felt what she thought was compassion and walked over to comfort him.
"Let me cheer you up!" said Sierra, putting her uninjured arm around his shoulders.
"Go away…" Cody moaned.
"Let's go to a happy place! It's a beautiful mountainside filled with-"
"GO AWAY!" Cody screamed. The female Amazons recoiled in shock.
Confessional: Cody
"She has some nerve thinking she can have me after she tricked me into thinking that Gwen was using me! Ugh, what's the point of even being here anymore?!"
Confessional: Sierra
"Okay, it seems as though it's gonna take a teensy-weensy bit of time for him to warm up to me…"
Confessional: Lindsay
"It seems I have a lot of things to set straight tonight."
End Confessional
Sierra walked over to Heather.
"Heather! You told me that Cody would forget about Gwen once she was gone!" Sierra accused.
"Well, I didn't say it would happen right away!" said Heather defensively. Sierra pouted and then leered jealously at Lindsay.
"What?" Lindsay asked, annoyed.
"There's Chef!" Courtney cried. The Amazons sailed Chrissiopeia over to a nearby dock, where Chef and Chris awaited. They arrived at the same time as the Minotaurs. After docking, Chef approached the ten remaining contestants with a pair of horned hats.
"Oh, we get Viking helmets?" Trent asked, intrigued.
"Not all of y'all." Chef rebuked. "Gotta pick a captain, first!"
"I nominate myself!" Courtney and Heather declared simultaneously. The two then leered at each other.
"No way! I'm a CIT!"
"You're a saboteur is what you are!"
While Courtney and Heather bickered over who got to be captain of Chrissiopeia, the choice for the captain of Noah's Ark was made much swifter.
"I nominate Eva!" Alejandro declared.
"Hey, I was just about to say that!" said Noah.
"But you did not!" Alejandro retorted. Eva looked stunned.
"You both love Eva." said Chris dryly. "It's beautiful!"
Chef placed one of the helmets on Eva's head and left. A concerningly evil grin slowly crept onto Eva's face.
"Eva, if this were a Valentine's Day dance, you'd have a very tough choice to make!" Chris told the big girl. "Lucky for you, it's war!"
Chef came back up the dock driving a small crane, which was carrying a pair of cannons. He deposited one cannon onto Noah's Ark, and the other onto Chrissiopeia.
"Cannons?" Lindsay uttered, a thoughtful look coming across her face. She then gasped. "So, those rocks… They're flints, aren't they?"
"Bingo, dingo!" Chris called. "Darn it, I shoulda said that in Australia!"
"Ha! We have flints!" Heather bragged. "Which means we actually get to use our cannon!"
"In your face, losers!" Courtney taunted.
Duncan snorted and pulled out his lighter, instantly wiping the smug expressions off of Courtney and Heather.
"And some ammunition!" said Chris, handing a trio of cannonballs to Eva. He turned to the rest of the contestants.
"You have two ways to win today's challenge. Option one: Sail north and capture the flag way over yonder! Option two: Use your cannon to sink the enemy ship! Do either of those, and your team stays the way it is! Good luck, manly Minotaurs!"
The Minotaurs quickly boarded Noah's Ark.
"Ladies, you ought to decide on a captain right about now!"
"No way is she captain!" Heather and Courtney barked at the same time, pointing to each other. The Minotaurs took off towards the flag.
"I'll do it!" said Lindsay eagerly.
"Fine!" said Heather, grabbing the helmet and dunking it onto Lindsay's head. "Let's go sink some boys!"
Confessional: Lindsay
"Today marks the return of Admiral Lindsay, her Hotness! Now with a functioning noodle!"
End Confessional
By the time, the Amazons had gotten back on the boat, the Minotaurs had gotten a substantial lead.
"So! As captain, I get to make the rules, right?" Eva asked.
"Sure do, sister!" said Noah.
"Of course, ma'am!" said Alejandro.
"Alright!" said Eva grinning manically. "Then from this point on, we all talk like pirates!"
"Pirates? But this is a Viking ship." said Trent.
"Argh! Pirates be cooler!" Eva snapped.
The male Minotaurs looked at each other in uncertainty.
Meanwhile, on Chrissiopeia…
"Great!" Heather griped. "We'll never catch up to them! Just look how far away they are!"
Heather was right. Noah's Ark, being superior in structure was already outpacing Chrissiopeia. Lindsay would have suggested using the cannon but knew that they were already out of range. Fortunately for the Amazons, Eva did not seem to know this.
"Argh! Why be ye leading us away from the battle?!" Eva demanded of Trent and Noah, who were working the sail and rudder respectively. "Are ye yellow?!"
"But we be winnin' the race, cap'n!" Noah pointed out.
"Have ye rocks in your skulls?! They be havin' a cannon!"
"They can't be hittin' us from way over yonder!" Duncan reasoned nervously.
"Aye, capture thy flag and we win, cap'n!" Trent added.
"Argh! That be the coward's way to win! Turn this ship around and prepare for battle!" Eva demanded, her eye twitching. "Need I remind ye that disobeyin' orders is mutiny?!"
Confessional: Alejandro
"Ugh! I must play along until I acquire the loyalties of Trent, Duncan, and Eva. It will all be worth it to destroy that smartass, Noah!"
End Confessional
Against their better judgment, Trent and Noah turned the ship around.
"Prepare yerselves for war!" Eva shouted. "Trent! Duncan! Alejandro! Man the cannon!"
Meanwhile with the Amazons…
"Look! They're turning around!" Lindsay cried.
"Why would they do that?!" Courtney asked suspiciously.
"Because boys are stupid!" said Heather dismissively.
"Battle stations!" Lindsay cried. "Courtney, you load the cannon! Heather, you aim! Cody, you light the fuse!"
The three scrambled to their positions.
"Ready!" Lindsay cried. Courtney inserted a cannonball into the mouth of the cannon.
"Aim!" Lindsay cried. Heather aimed the cannon at the hull of Noah's Ark.
"Fire!" Lindsay commanded. Cody struck two flints together, lighting the fuse.
KABOOM!
"Incoming!" Alejandro cried.
Splash!
Fortunately for the Minotaurs, the round heavy cannonball wasn't very aerodynamic and ended up splashing the water right in front of Noah's Ark.
"Whoa! First strike?! Not cool!" Duncan exclaimed.
"Return fire!" Eva commanded. Trent loaded the cannon, Alejandro aimed it, and Duncan lit the fuse.
KABOOM!
"They're firing back!" Sierra called.
CRASH!
The Minotaurs were more successful in firing their first shot. They punched a hole right through the middle of the port hull. Chrissiopeia shook violently.
"Argh?! What do we do?!" Cody cried.
"Reload the cannon! This time, aim for the mast!" Lindsay commanded. Cody inserted a new fuse and Courtney reloaded the canon. Heather, learning from her mistake, aimed the cannon accordingly. "Ready! Aim! Fire!"
KABOOM!
"Duck and cover!" Duncan cried. The Minotaurs all ducked.
SNAP!
SPLASH!
It was as though a tree had fallen into the water. The Amazon's cannonball had careened straight through the mast, snapping it in half and plunging into the lake. Without their sail, the Minotaurs had no way of propelling themselves across the water. The Minotaur all glanced overboard at their ruined sail.
"What argh the odds?" Trent asked.
"Okay! Enough pirate-talk!" Alejandro snapped.
"Hey, I give the orders around here!" Eva snapped.
"You need to settle down, Eva! You've gone mad with power!"
"Of course, I've gone mad with power! You ever trying going mad without power? It's no fun! No one listens to you!"
"Okay! Fair point!"
"Now, return fire!" Eva commanded.
The Amazons began sailing north towards the flag.
"Thanks for turning around to fight!" Courtney taunted the Minotaurs. "Suckers!"
"We'll enjoy First Class for you!" Heather taunted. She turned to Lindsay. "One more for good measure, Admiral?"
"Sure, why not?" said Lindsay, beaming with pride. As the Amazons loaded the cannon with their third and final ball, Lindsay took out the magenta crayon. She looked at it nostalgically. "So silly. Imagine, one little crayon prevented me from reaching my full potential." Lindsay stuck the tip of the crayon into her nostril. "Duh, I think Chris is the nicest person in the world!" she babbled. She giggled and took the tip out. "The sum of the square root of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!" She giggled again and put the tip back in. "Duh, those hundred-and-fifty-dollar shoes are on sale?! I need them! Tee-hee-hee!"
KABOOM!
What followed next was shown in slow-motion. The Minotaurs had fired their second shot milliseconds before the Amazons fired their third. Alejandro had aimed their cannon at the Amazon's cannon. The cannonball soared across the lake and struck the underside of the Amazon's cannon. The cannon flipped over, bonking Cody on the head. The geek was sent to the ground as the mouth of the cannon aligned perfectly with Lindsay, who still had the tip of the crayon in her nostril.
KABOOM!
In even slower-motion, the cannonball came out of the cannon and flew into Lindsay's hand, which smashed into her nose before she was knocked to the floor.
Time resumed normally.
"Ow!" Cody yelled.
"Doink!" Lindsay exclaimed.
"Cody!" Sierra cried.
"Lindsay!" Heather and Courtney cried. The queen bee and CIT ran over to the formerly dumb blonde. The thumb and index finger on her right hand were jammed up her left nostril. Courtney and Heather gripped Lindsay's wrist with both hands each and yanked Lindsay's hand free. The crayon was nowhere in sight.
"Lindsay? Lindsay can you hear me?" Courtney asked. Lindsay opened her eyes which were completely uncoordinated.
"Hi, Tyler!" she greeted merrily.
"What? I'm not Tyler!" said Courtney.
"Who's Tyler?" Lindsay asked.
"Lindsay stop fooling around! We have a challenge to complete!" Courtney scolded.
"Um, I forget what we're doing." said Lindsay.
"Oh great. She's retarded again." Heather grunted.
"Well, in that case…" said Courtney, taking the helmet off of Lindsay's head and putting it on her own. "I'm assuming command of this vessel!"
"Like hell you are!" said Heather, grabbing the helmet by the left horn.
"Hey, let go!" Courtney grabbed the right horn and the two began another game of Tug-of-War.
Meanwhile, Lindsay spotted a sledgehammer. She gasped in excitement before running to pick it up. She raised the hammer up and began hammering holes in the deck of Chrissiopeia.
"Lindsay! What the hell are you doing?!" Heather screamed.
"Destroying the boat, what else?" Lindsay said, her eyes rolling around in her head like billiard balls. She turned around and saw Cody. "Argh! A midget! Kill it!"
"Who, me?" said Cody, confused. Lindsay charged towards Cody raising the hammer over her head. She might have seriously hurt the geek if she hadn't put her foot through one of the holes she had previously punched in the deck. She tripped, throwing the hammer overboard.
"Sheesh, she's even dumber than before!" Heather exclaimed.
"Are you sure about that?" Courtney snarked.
"Shut up and restrain her before she kills us all!" Heather demanded, successfully yanking the Viking helmet away from Courtney.
"Why me?" Courtney whined.
"Because I have the hat now! And I said so!"
"It's not on your head yet!"
"It would be if you would accept defeat like the loser you are and let go!"
"You leggo!"
While Heather and Courtney resumed their squabble over the hat, Cody picked Lindsay up.
"Hi, DJ!" Lindsay greeted.
"Huh? Lindsay, I'm not DJ…"
"Why does everyone keep calling me that?"
Rolling his eyes, Cody grabbed Lindsay and stuck her head in the cannon.
"Ooh! Nighttime!" Lindsay exclaimed. She immediately started snoring.
"Lindsay has been subdued." Cody announced. However, his report went ignored as Heather and Courtney showed no signs of stopping their feud. "Oh, for crying out loud!"
Cody snatched the helmet out of the girls' hands and threw it overboard.
Splash!
"Hey! I was winning!" Courtney whined.
"In your dreams!" Heather argued.
KABOOM!
The Minotaurs had fired their third shot.
"Prepare for impact!" Sierra called. Heather and Courtney hit the deck but Cody was not so quick. And the cannonball seemed to be headed straight for him. Sierra gasped and hopped right in front of Cody, taking the impact for him.
SMACK!
Sierra grunted as she was nailed in the groin. Despite lacking testicles, she was in immense pain. She felt as though several internal organs had been squished. She would need likely surgery and physiotherapy in order to recover.
"Holy crap! Are you okay?" Courtney asked.
"As long as Cody's okay…" said Sierra weakly.
"I'm fine. Thanks." Cody grumped.
Sierra smiled.
"Don't think this changes anything."
Sierra sighed.
Meanwhile with the Minotaurs…
"How is that thing still afloat?" Alejandro asked.
"Because you have the aim of a cross-eyed chimp." Noah explained.
"Yeah, butterfingers! Thanks for wasting all of our ammo!" Duncan snapped. Alejandro found himself glared down by Trent and Duncan. It was enough for a worried expression to crack across his face.
"They're winning!" Eva called. The Minotaurs looked to see the Amazons approaching a buoy with a red flag attached to it.
"Well, at least we know who to vote off." Trent commented venomously, leering at Alejandro.
"Agreed!" said Duncan, crossing his arms and frowning at Alejandro. Noah grinned smugly at the Spaniard.
"Craaaaaaaaap…" Alejandro wheezed.
Confessional: Alejandro
"Well, that settles it. I am officially doomed. Once we lose, I'm going out in a landslide. Ugh, my father will probably disown me for this! I'll never become my mother's favorite child! And my brother Jose will never let me hear the end of it! He's probably compiling his insults right now! (Moans) Oh, why?!"
End Confessional
"Duncan! Get your lighter back out!" Eva demanded.
"What? But we're outta ammo!" the punk responded.
"I beg to differ!" The big girl walked to the cannon and inserted herself into its mouth. Her top half stuck out of the cannon. "Alejandro, aim me at the center of the dock!"
Alejandro obeyed, and was very careful to aim it where Eva commanded.
"Locked and loaded!" Alejandro cried.
"Duncan! Light the fuse!" Eva commanded.
"You sure about this?" the punk asked.
"NOW!" Eva roared.
Duncan quickly lit the fuse.
KABOOM!
Eva was launched out of the cannon and soared through the air like a professional human cannonball.
The Amazons were approaching the buoy.
"There's the flag! We did it!" Sierra cheered. Heather reached out for the flag. It was almost within reach when the Amazons heard someone screaming like a maniac.
"Eva?" Cody uttered. The Amazons turned their heads to see Eva hurtling towards them with her fists raised. The video paused for a moment showing the shocked expressions of the Amazons, the deranged expression of Eva, and the anticipation of the male Minotaurs.
CRASH!
SPLASH!
With perfect timing, Eva slammed her fists down onto the center of Chrissiopeia. The Amazon's boat collapsed like a Jenga tower, plunging all of them into the freezing water. Cody, Sierra, Heather, and Courtney, clung to wooden planks as soon as they resurfaced.
"Lindsay? Where's Lindsay?" Cody cried worriedly, seeing the formerly formerly dumb blonde nowhere in sight. Fortunately, Eva resurfaced moments later with Lindsay over her shoulder.
"Hey guys, look! It's Craig McCraken from TV!" Lindsay called.
Chris rode up to the Amazons on a jet ski.
"You know, Eva, the saying 'the captain always goes done with their ship' normally refers to his or her own ship!" the host informed the big girl.
"Whatever." said Eva. Finally, the Minotaurs managed to paddle their way over to the Amazons.
"Anyway, Team Minotaur wins!" Chris announced. The Amazons groaned and the Minotaurs cheered.
"Yes!" Eva cried.
"Woohoo! Guys rule!" Lindsay cheered. Everyone stared at Lindsay.
"Whatever." said Heather, starting to shiver. "G-g-g-get us out!"
Confessional: Alejandro
"Like I've said before, Eva is a gift from the gods!"
End Confessional
Eva spent a few moments tossing the Amazons up onto Noah's Ark, with Trent and Duncan catching them and pulling them onboard. Lindsay was the last onboard before Eva climbed up by herself.
"Hi, Donald! Hi, Trump!" Lindsay greeted Duncan and Trent. The two Minotaurs glanced at each other again.
"Lindsay, I thought you were smart now." said Trent.
"Are you kidding?" Lindsay scoffed, as though she'd been insulted. "My sister says I'm dumber than a sack of diapers!" she added boastfully.
Duncan shuddered violently, a queasy expression overtaking him.
"You okay, dude?" Trent asked.
"Just seasick..." Duncan mumbled.
"Ladies and Codys! I'll see you at elimination!" Chris announced. "Evas and gentlemen, you've earned a reward: Swedish massages performed by a genuine registered massage therapist!"
The male Minotaurs cheered. The Amazons moaned. Eva grunted in disappointment.
Confessional: Eva
"Oh, great. Another namby-pamby shrimp trying to make me feel something. Can't we just bring back that torture rack instead?"
End Confessional
The Minotaurs boarded the plane and proceeded to First Class where they were to await the masseuse. Before Alejandro could enter the winner's compartment, he was dragged into Economy by Heather.
"Aw, Heather! How did you manage to sneak on without a boarding pass?" Alejandro asked.
"Never mind!" said Heather. She continued to drag him across the room and pinned him against the wall. "What is your problem?!"
"Surely I do not have to explain it to you?" Alejandro answered, knowing exactly what Heather referred to. "We are in a competition?"
"Oh sure!" Heather sarcasmed, rolling her eyes. "Picking off my teammates while you totally blank me is now strategy?"
"Indeed it is! When dealing with jealousy-"
"I am NOT jealous! You arrogant-!"
"Of course, I refer to Courtney!" Alejandro clarified, gently grasping Heather's wrists. "I must make her believe no one else exists for me! If she's focused on us, you can blindside her!" Alejandro leaned forward. "Believe me, Heather. The only woman I want is you."
Heather sputtered nervously. She desperately wanted to believe that.
"Whatever…" she finally said.
"Now go vote off Courtney!" said Alejandro charmingly. Heather smiled.
Confessional: Alejandro
"Heather is so jealous! This is great! Er, not because I want her too! Because she'll be… that much easier to eliminate!"
Elimination Ceremony: Team Amazon
Heather had been discovered shortly after her confrontation with Alejandro and quickly thrown off the plane. Dusk could not have come soon enough and the Amazons huddled around the campfire to stay warm, save for Lindsay who didn't understand that fire could help her stop shivering.
"Aw, the elimination ceremony!" said Chris romantically. "This is where we will see the last of someone on this show! And maybe even their life! So let's get right to it!"
"Um, Craig! I have a question!" said Lindsay.
"What is it, Lindsay?" said Chris, annoyed.
"What are we doing again?" The Amazons face-palmed in embarrassment.
"Voting someone off?" said Chris.
"Oh yeah!"
Chris handed out passports to the Amazons, who got to voting.
"Interesting choices, Amazons!" Chris commented, after reading the votes. "Okay, we have boarding passes for Cody and Heather!"
Those named quickly grabbed their tickets. They chose not to board the plane as they knew Economy had no heat, and they were both really invested in who got the boot.
"The penultimate ticket goes to… Sierra!" said Chris.
"Yay!" Sierra cried.
"Shit." Cody swore crankily.
"It's your own damn fault, Cody." Heather sneered. "If you hadn't voted for Gwen, then she and I would be happy to help you vote Sierra off. But no! You had to act like an incel and vote for Gwen!"
"An INCEL?! (BLEEP) you, Heather! (BLEEP) you, you (BLEEP)ing (BLEEP)!" Cody snapped.
"Sheesh! Don't take it personally..." said Heather, shocked.
"For your information, I didn't vote for her because she rejected me!" Cody snapped. "I voted for her because I was tricked into believing she was as horrible as you!"
"So you're a gullible idiot then." Heather snarked.
"Well, we all can't be as smart as you!"
"True, but that's no excuse not to see what's blatantly obvious!"
"And the person with the most votes tonight is…" Chris announced, silencing Cody and Heather's spat.
…
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"Lindsay!" said Chris.
"Phew!" Courtney sighed in relief.
"Oh, come on!" Heather barked.
"Yay! I win! I'm president now!" Lindsay cheered.
"Uh no, Lindsay!" said Chris. "Getting the most votes means you lose!"
"Shush!" Lindsay snapped. "My yeast is rising!"
A blank expression came over Lindsay's cross-eyed face. Everyone stared at Lindsay as though something shocking was about to happen, but after ten seconds, nothing did. Chris then made an unusually responsible decision.
"Chef!" he yelled. The big man showed up a moment later.
"What?" he demanded, cranky at being forced to leave the warm cockpit.
"Lindsay has that crayon back in her brain. Could you pull it out so that she doesn't kill herself while waiting for the Plane of Losers?"
Grumbling, Chef pulled out a pair of tweezers. He marched over to Lindsay and stuck them up her nose. It took about a minute, (by which point her teammates and Chris were already on the plane and her luggage had already been thrown off) but Chef managed to pull the crayon back out.
"Oh ow…" Lindsay muttered as the cavity in her brain corrected itself. As it did, everything that happened after she was shot in the face came back to her with utmost clarity. "Oh no… Not now! Why now?!"
Chef, satisfied that Lindsay was smart enough to fend for herself now, began boarding the plane. Lindsay ran in front of him and tried to board the plane. Unfortunately, Chef was too fast for her and seized her by the back of her coat.
"Chef, wait! I have to talk to my team!" Lindsay protested. She needed to inform Cody that Alejandro had written in Gwen's diary, and not Sierra. She had to warn Courtney that Alejandro was just using her to make Heather jealous.
Unfortunately, Chef would not give her the chance. He lifted Lindsay up and threw her down the steps. The door closed and soon after, the Jumbo Plane departed, leaving Lindsay behind.
Confessional: Sierra
"If I can't comfort Cody, no one can!"
End Confessional
In First Class, the Minotaurs were all naked except for towels around their waists and were laying on massage tables. The masseuse that Chris had promised was not what the Minotaurs had expected. For starters, at eight feet tall, he was a giant. He had blonde hair and a beard, both of which were long enough to tuck into his belt. His arms were twice as thick as Eva's, and he was dressed up as a Viking. But the most unexpected thing about him was this: Eva actually seemed to be enjoying the massage he was giving her.
"Oh! This actually doesn't feel half-bad!" she commented as he stood on her back and pulled on her arms as though he was trying to tear them off. He gave another mighty tug.
Crick!
"Oh! Now that was good!"
Crack!
"Oh! That's really good!"
SNAP!
"HOLY HELL, THIS IS AWESOME!" Eva screamed in a very Owen-like manner. To the side of her lay the male Minotaurs, all of whom looked disturbed and frightened, especially Noah, for not only was he the smallest, but he remembered that Eva ironically enjoyed the torture rack back in London. "YEAH! NOW, THIS IS A MASSAGE! WOO!"
Noah whimpered.
Chris closed out the episode from the cockpit.
"Will anyone besides Eva survive massage therapy? What other kinds of therapy will our competitors need after the season is over? Find out next time! On Total… Drama… World Tour!"
Votes
Cody: Sierra
Courtney: Lindsay
Heather: Courtney
Lindsay: Lindsay
Sierra: Lindsay
Results
Lindsay: 3 votes (Eliminated)
Courtney: 1 vote
Sierra: 1 vote
Rankings
10. Lindsay
11. Gwen
12. DJ
13. Tyler
14. Owen
15. Izzy
16. Justin
17. Katie
18. Ezekiel
19. Sadie
20. Leshawna
21. Geoff
22. Bridgette
23. Harold
24. Beth
Author's note: Oh boy, yeah. I did that. A very, very, very heartfelt apology to fans of Lindsay. I've enjoyed writing her character over the course of this fic and it's actually quite sad that I had to do this. But this particular section of the story, set between the second and third aftermaths, was intended to be a gauntlet of heavy-hitting eliminations. That, combined with the elimination of the final member of Team Victory right before the merge should make for quite a doozy. Again, if I had known that the Team Victory subplot was as hated as it is, the elimination order would be different.
Poor, poor Lindsay, temporarily reverting back to bimbo mode (and beyond). Originally I was going to keep the crayon in her brain until the next aftermath but felt it would be cruel to leave all of you hanging like that. I also had the idea of having someone deliberately shove the crayon back into her brain, with prime candidates being Courtney and Sierra, the former to save her skin in the game and the latter due to being jealous of Lindsay being allowed to comfort Cody. However, I felt that such an action would bring the perpetrator dangerously close to the moral event horizon.
Yes, writing this fic has made me grow appreciative of Lindsay's character. She is a very sweet and bubbly girl and I figure she would be one of my favorite characters… if she only had a brain. I don't know, is it a sin to dislike characters with no common sense? If I may vent a little, there's an annoying double standard within the fandom when it comes to criticizing Zoey and Lindsay. In Season 5, the indie chick gets criticized for not recognizing right away that the person she's closest to is the villain of the season, despite many people telling her. Lindsay is equally guilty of this in Season 1, if not more so, so how does she get a pass for it?
Anyway, next chapter will be the third aftermath. Thank you for reading, and please review!