Sky sat on her bed, leaning her back against the headboard, her math book lying in her lap, but she had given up on it already. Studying was impossible, like so many things lately.

Maybe she had just missed too much school this year, because of injuries and rehab and heartbreak, or maybe it was still her brain injury, but whatever the reason, Sky had fallen horribly behind in most subjects. Math was the worst. Trying to do that on her own did no good, and it was also the one subject Dad couldn't really help her with. (I'm a historian, he had said, not a mathematician.) Sky was sure she would fail math, and science too most likely - which was a disgrace. Kat would have rolled her eyes at her - they had wanted to be scientists, astronauts, marine biologists, but that was all gone now, all her dreams shattered and turned to dust. Learning wasn't easy for her anymore, it was a struggle and she had no strength for that fight.

Maybe I should just give up. I could drop out of school and become a homeless junkie who lives in a trash can.

Everyone would be happier if she just disappeared. If she just fucking died already.

That thought was like a maggot eating at her heart. She couldn't shake it, it ate its way deeper carving her chest hollow. Maybe the reason for her failing in every subject wasn't the brain injury or the absences - maybe it happened because she didn't deserve any better. Maybe she was a loser and a whore and she deserved all the shit that came to her.

She slammed the math book and threw it onto the floor. Stupid math, stupid school, she hated it, hated everything about it with deep, dark desperation. She never wanted to go back there, and not just because she was failing every subject. Going to school after what had happened yesterday—

Impossible.

She couldn't forget the sound that left Cody's lips when she told him they needed to break up, the look on his face when he realized she had cheated on him. Sky felt sick to her stomach. She hadn't been able to eat anything, and still, the nausea kept turning her empty stomach, bringing bitter bile into her mouth.

Holding her breath, she leaned her back against the wooden headboard and drew her knees against her chest hugging them tight, making herself as small as possible. Her head was heavy as she rested it against her knees, the unshed tears kept burning behind her tired eyes. She was worthless. She didn't deserve to exist, to take space, to breathe. What she had done was unforgivable.

It had been one thing to cheat on Matt. He had deserved that, for every sick and twisted thing he had done, but—

To cheat on Cody, who had done nothing wrong, who had been the perfect boyfriend, who had always been there for her, had believed in her, had supported her, and loved her as if she was something amazing?

It was wrong. Evil. An unspeakable horror.

Sky drew in a shaky breath and another, but the tight band around her lungs wouldn't ease. Thinking about what she had done to Cody, felt like someone was carving out her heart. Everyone had been right about her, all along. Matt, all his friends, the bullies in school, Tory, Kyler—

She was a slut. A crazy, stupid slut, and she deserved all the bad things that happened to her.

The tears were flowing again, even without her realizing it, soaking the denim of her jeans as she pressed her face against her knees. Crying seemed to be the only thing she was capable of lately - feeling sorry for herself and crying her eyes out. Which, of course, was pathetic, and only made her feel worse, but it wasn't like she had a lot of options. She couldn't turn back the time. She couldn't undo what she had done. There was no way to fix what she had broken. She had tried to call Cody a hundred times, to apologize, to tell him it wasn't his fault but hers, to let him know that he didn't deserve what she had put him through—

But Cody didn't pick up, he didn't read her messages and when Sky tried to check his Instagram to see if he was active, she realized he had blocked her.

Of course, he had blocked her.

He had every right to do that, but still, it hurt like a knife to the heart. Sky wondered if he had deleted all the photos of them together too, if she should now do the same— but God, just thinking about that made her feel like she would be sick. How could she do that? How could she just cut away all the memories of him, of them, of their time together?

Despite everything, she had loved Cody. Not the way she loved Hawk - like there was a raging wildfire in her heart - but in a different way. Her love for Cody had been like a cold winter morning - clear, fresh, and breathtakingly beautiful. She had loved him because he was kind and good and honest, because he knew her better than anyone else, understood her like she was the other half of his broken soul. She had loved him, and losing him was unbearable. Knowing how much he must be hurting, was even worse. Sky felt the pain of his breaking heart like it was her own. Her chest ached so that she feared it would kill her.

I wish it would. I wish I fucking died. Cody deserved so much better than a lying, cheating slut like me.

She still couldn't understand how the fuck she had lost control like that. How on Earth had she ended up having sex with Hawk, on the living room couch? She hadn't spared a thought to Cody, so desperate to have Hawk that she had begged and he had fucked her, hard and fast, without even bothering to undress his jeans. They had been like animals, unable to control their urges.

A new wave of shame washed over Sky, and she pressed her face harder against her knees, trying to suppress her tears. She was disgusted by her actions, and yet—

Hawk's kisses still burned her lips, the memory of his touch turned her insides into Jell'O. The happiness and fulfillment she had felt in his arms was unlike anything she had felt before. It had been like returning home after an endless exile, like getting her lungs filled with fresh air after being buried alive.

No matter the shame, the regret, that self-loath - Sky knew, that even if she could turn back time she would still make the same mistake all over again.

"Hey— can I come in?" said a raspy voice Sky would have recognized anywhere, and drawing in a shaky breath, she looked up.

In the open doorway of her room, stood Hawk.

He pushed his hands into the pockets of his loose sweats as if he was nervous, his posture was tense and agonized. The bruises on his face were turning blue and yellow, he had a black eye and some cuts on his cheeks.

"Your dad said you'd be here," he explained, clearing his throat. "Can we talk?"

For a couple of heartbeats, Sky could only look at him. Despite the bruises, he was beautiful. His red mohawk stood sharp and tall on top of his head, even taller than she had remembered, his eyes were the shade of forget-me-nots, bright and clear like the winter sky. The T-shirt he was wearing revealed the lean shape of his body, the play of muscle and tendon in his forearms, and that sight made something swell in Sky's chest. She wanted to lay her hands on him, wanted to feel those arms around her, needed it like one needs air, food, water.

He was here, in her room—

That hadn't happened in ages. Not since they had broken up months ago, and God, him being here, turned her heart inside out, it made something flutter and hum inside of her core. Her blood was singing in her veins, erasing every regret, every sorrow.

"Yeah, okay. You can come in," she breathed, not trusting herself to say more. Even that one word came out shaky, hesitant.

Hawk walked into her room, and glanced around, noticing the math book on the floor, Sky's pencil case, and a pile of notebooks and papers on the bed. A worried frown fell on his face as he turned his baby-blue eyes back to her.

"Trying to study?"

Sky shrugged, and looked down, suddenly ashamed. Hawk was smart, school had always been easy for him, always getting straight A's, even when he'd been in Cobra Kai and all his friends had been idiots.

"Yeah, but—" she hesitated. "It can wait. It's not important."

"You didn't come to school today. I– I was worried. After what happened—"

"You thought I'd done something to myself?" Sky asked, sounding more bitter than she had meant to. "Don't worry. Dad's home."

"Okay. Good. Does he— does he know—?"

"Yeah," Sky shrugged again. "I mean… I told him I broke up with Cody. And that you and I— that we kissed."

Hawk's cheeks turned red under the bruises, and Sky knew he was thinking about the same thing as she was. Kissed. Right. They had done a lot more than that, but it wasn't like Dad needed to know everything.

"It's okay— He's not mad at you or anything. If something, he's disappointed that I messed up like this, again." Sky sighed and brushed a hand through her hair. "You can sit down, you know. Don't just stand there, you're making me uncomfortable."

Hawk did as he was told, and took a seat on the bed next to her, leaning his back against the headboard. He left some space between them, which Sky greatly appreciated, but still, she was incredibly aware of his closeness, of every little detail of him - of the way he sat, the nervous shift of his weight on the bed, the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. She felt his scent in the air - steel and cotton and boy - and her body reacted to it, her heartbeat quickened.

"How are you? You look— you look like you've been crying," he asked after a short, tense silence.

Sky shrugged and turned her eyes down. What was there to say? She was pretty sure Hawk didn't want to hear she'd been crying her eyes out thinking about her ex.

"I'm okay— But what about you? Those bruises— do they hurt? Were you at school, looking like that?"

"It's not as bad as it looks like. I've had worse— but Mom was pretty pissed that I had gotten into yet another fight, you know, like two days after I fought with Dad. It was kinda easier just to go to school than stay home."

Sky let out a sound that was half a laugh, half a sob. "We're really making our parents proud, huh?"

"Tell me about it," Hawk rolled his eyes. "I feel so bad for Mom. She doesn't need to deal with my crap now."

"How is she doing?" She glanced at him, leaning her cheek against her knees. "All this— it must've been super hard for her. They're getting divorced, right?"

"Yeah, but— it's for the best. Dad's a piece of shit - Mom's gonna be better off without him."

He sounded bitter, tired, defeated, and Sky's heart ached for him. She wanted to lay a hand on his arm, she wanted to pull him near to offer some comfort, but she couldn't, something was holding her back and she hugged her legs tighter against her hollow, collapsing chest.

"And you?"

Hawk looked down at his hands. "To be honest, I'm kinda relieved. At least I don't have to fake and pretend anymore."

"Your Dad is an asshole. I fucking hate him for what he did to you and your Mom," Sky breathed, blinking furiously to keep the tears down. "I wish I could do something, like kick him in the face, or shove him under a train, or—"

"I know," he rasped. "But Sky— I didn't come here to talk about my Dad. We— we need to talk about us. About what happened, and— and what's gonna happen next."

His words felt like a punch in the gut, and Sky drew in a sharp, shaky breath. Yeah, she had known they would need to talk, but she was far from ready to do it. Every fiber of her being was still sore and pained, her heart was shattered in pieces, she missed Cody more than she had ever thought she would—

But she could tell none of that to Hawk. He wouldn't understand. He would get jealous, and Sky didn't think she could take that now.

"Does everyone know?" She asked, keeping her eyes down. Her voice came out weak, her words hesitant. "About us? That I— cheated on Cody?"

Hawk let out a tense, nervous breath. "Well, yeah—Someone filmed the fight and the videos are all over social media."

"Should've guessed. People are assholes."

Sky felt like her chest was collapsing. It had definitely been a good decision not to go to school today. She could barely keep herself from falling apart - to face the bullies, the snickering girls, the guys who called her slut— it would have been unbearable.

"It's gonna pass," Hawk said silently. "People forget."

"Cody won't." Those words left Sky's lips before she could stop them. A short silence followed, and when Hawk finally spoke, he sounded tense, strained.

"He got dumped. Yeah, it hurts— but he's not the only one who's been through that. He's gonna get over it."

"He didn't just get dumped though, did he?" Sky looked up, to meet Hawk's eyes, and this time it was him who looked down first. "I cheated on him. And you fucking beat his ass. In front of everyone! How can you say he's gonna get over it? You don't know that. We fucking destroyed him—"

"Sky— I'm sorry about that fight. It got out of hand— I didn't mean to hit him so hard. I— I didn't start it, he did. But I fought back, and I got too angry— and for that I am sorry."

"It doesn't matter who threw the first punch," Sky breathed, tears burning in her eyes. "I know it was him— but he had every right to be mad. I just wish he'd hit me because this is my fault. It's all my fault. He loved me. He really loved me, and I— I treated him like crap—"

Saying that out loud hurt like a sword through her chest. She couldn't hold the tears back anymore and a pathetic whimper left her lips as she hugged her knees tighter against her chest, pressing her face against them. The tears tasted like salt and blood, and they burned in her sore, dry throat.

"I'm sorry," Hawk rasped. "I'm sorry I made things worse."

"It's not your fault—" Sky sobbed. "I did this to him. And— you— you heard what he said. He said he'd rather be dead— than be without me."

"Yeah. But Sky— he just got dumped. Of course, he was upset. I promise it's gonna get better. He's gonna be fine."

Sky didn't answer. The tears on her cheeks were hot and sticky, gluing strands of her unbrushed hair onto her face. She knew Hawk meant well, that he was probably right, that breakups sucked and that Cody would get over it, that he would be happier without her, because, oh God, he deserved happiness more than anyone, he deserved someone who treated him right, someone who wasn't a stupid, selfish slut like she was.

But Cody's words which were wet with tears and blood, kept replaying in her ears: "You should've just killed me. I'd rather be dead than be without her—" and it was ripping her heart apart, it was turning her stomach inside out so that everything in her was raw and broken. Her heart was bleeding for him and it would take a long time before she could feel anything but sorrow and regret.

"Was he in school today?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"No, but Sky— I'm sure that doesn't mean anything. He's probably just taking a day off because he looks like this too."

"He— he has the play coming up. Next week—" She drew in a trembling breath. "The Dead Poet's Society."

A short silence followed her words, turning Sky's heart hollow and sore. She shouldn't have said anything about Cody to Hawk, he wouldn't understand— but how could she keep silent when the guilt was drwoning her? How was Cody even going to be able to practice his part now, after what Sky had done? And would the bruises on his face heal before the opening night? He had been so excited about it— and Sky had promised to be there for him on his special day, but now—

He would never want to see her again. All the love he had felt for her, was now surely gone. For what she had done, he should hate her.

"Look— I never wanted to cause this— this drama with Cody," Hawk spoke, breaking the tense silence. "I didn't want things to go like this. But Sky— you kissed me. You kissed me first, and I— I just wanted it so much. I wanted it to happen, but still— This is my fault too. I should've been smarter. I'm sorry. I should've made sure you really wanted it."

The regret in his voice broke something in Sky's chest. She turned to look at him, resting her cheek on top of her knees.

"It's not your fault. I did want it." Her voice came out weak, thin. "I wanted it more than anything."

"Me too," he breathed, and the blue of his eyes turned a shade darker. "And I meant what I said, that I love you. I never stopped loving you, Sky. And I— I want to get back together with you."

His words twisted the blade in Sky's heart. The pain was hot and sharp, it took her breath away. She was drowning in her tears.

"Eli, I— I just can't. Not yet."

"But you said you loved me," he rasped. "Did you— did you mean that?"

"Of course I did. I do."

"Then— then what is it?" His words came out broken, with a tremor. "Why don't you want to be with me? I don't understand—"

She heard how he swallowed, cleared his throat, how he shifted nervously on the bed next to her. She felt like crap, like an absolute piece of shit— he had probably expected for her to throw herself into his arms, to start kissing him again like the last time they'd been alone, Hell, maybe he had been expecting that they had sex again, maybe he thought she was such a slut that she'd open her legs to him right now, not even caring that Dad was downstairs and the door of her room was open.

That thought felt heavy and dark, like a cloud over her head.

Why wouldn't he think like that about her? He said he loved her, and she kind of believed it – but he had also told her he had only dated her to get laid, and Hell, maybe he had always loved her just for being so easy, maybe he had loved her for sucking his dick, maybe he had loved the fact that she was such a slut that he could fuck her in the janitor's closet or his car, whenever or wherever he wanted.

Would he still love her, if she told him no?

Would he still love her if she made him wait?

Would he still love her if he knew all her horrible, dirty secrets, how unworthy she was of love, of kindness, of anything good?

"It's just—" she took a shaky breath, tried to calm the tremor in her voice. "I relapsed. Luke Died. I cheated on Cody, I broke his heart— and I'm not over any of that. I love you, but Eli— it was a huge mistake to sleep with you, and I need to get my shit together. And I need— I need you to understand that. I'm— I'm not saying I don't want to get back together with you. I'm saying I need some time, I need to take it slow. Like, real slow. And this time I mean it."

"Okay. You wanna take things slow, then we'll take things slow," he replied, and his voice was kind and soft. "I— I wanna do things right this time too."

Sky brought up her face and wiped her cheeks with her hands, but it did no good. The tears kept flowing as if there was an endless ocean of sorrow inside of her. And yet— Hawk was still here, he was still sitting right next to her as if that was the only place on Earth he wanted to be.

"You mean that?" Sky sobbed. "You'd wait until I'm ready?"

He swallowed hard, Sky saw how his throat bobbed under his skin, the sharp Adam's apple shifting down and back up. "Sky— I love you. I'd wait till the end of the world if you asked."

She had no words to say to that, but none were needed. His hand was slow and gentle when he laid it on hers, and their fingers entwined, palm pressed against palm, and it was like it was meant to be, like they belonged together. The love that twisted her heart was almost painful, and God, she knew she didn't deserve to be happy, she didn't deserve another chance after the things she had done, but how could she not take it?

Holding his hand in hers, Sky moved closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. The tears kept flowing, but he didn't tell her to stop crying - he let her tears soak his T-shirt, and when he wrapped his arm around her, holding her close, holding her safe, Sky knew.

This was her home. She could finally stop running.