we need to talk

monday? after school?

Cody's heart grew heavy as he read that message for the thousandth time, before shoving the phone back into the pocket of his jeans.

We need to talk.

It wasn't like he didn't know what that meant. Sky wanted to break up, she wanted to end things with him, she didn't want him anymore. That thought filled him with dark fear and despair, it crushed his chest so that he could barely breathe.

He stood near the front doors of the school, gripping the straps of his backpack with a nervous, white-knuckle grip, his foot tapping the ground in a restless beat. It was early morning, and he had been here for half an hour already, not to miss Sky when she arrived. After school, she had said, fuck that, he couldn't wait that long. To live with this fear and uncertainty for even an hour more - it was impossible. It would fucking kill him, he would be dead by the afternoon. If she was going to rip his heart out of his chest, better have it done now, as fast as possible.

Thoughts about all the things he had fucked up, kept running through his mind. No wonder Sky wanted to dump him— He had been such a jerk, he didn't know how to love, to be loved. From that first night, when she had walked into his life in his pink hoodie and ripped jeans, tears on her cheeks— he had acted like an asshole. Telling her to kneel. Wanting to do unspeakable things to her, just because he could, just because she was broken and helpless—

Well, the circle was full now. It wasn't Sky anymore who was broken and helpless, it was him. He was at her mercy, and she could do any unspeakable thing she wanted to do to him, and he would still grovel in her feet, begging for her love.

Pathetic.

He swallowed hard, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he leaned his back against the wall. His friends were right, he wasn't the guy he had been, he was someone else, every fiber of his being had been transformed during these past couple of months. But unlike they thought, he hadn't lost himself in all this - he had found himself. He did have a heart, unlike he had believed, and now that heart was breaking in his chest, radiating pain throughout his body, all the way to his aching fingertips.

And yet - he still had hope.

He had never been a quitter, and he wasn't about to start now.

It had been a fight, sure, ugly and raw and unnecessary, they had both said things that shouldn't have been said, but— but all couples fought, right? It didn't necessarily mean they were done. People fought all the time and then made up. Maybe Sky didn't want to break up, maybe she just wanted to talk?

Maybe I can still fix this. I have to. I can't just let her go— if I lose her, I have nothing.

Sky was late to arrive, as always. The yard was already full of kids when he finally spotted her in the crowd. Her copper hair was like a flame, impossible not to notice in the sea of black, blond, and brown heads as she walked through the parking lot toward the front doors. But unlike the night she had walked into Cody's life, her clothes were now all black - they had been since Luke died - black jeans, a black hoodie that was way too big for her. The only color in her outfit was her pink Converse high tops, their tips barely visible under the cuffs of her jeans.

Cody's heart thumped painfully in his chest at the sight of her. The love he had for her was an ache in his bones, the hope like a tight band around his lungs.

"Sky," he called her name, and she looked up, her eyes widened and her face went pale. She stopped on her feet, hesitated - and that hesitation almost killed Cody where he stood. The look on her face carved his heart out of his chest.

"You— you wanted to talk?" He rasped when she reluctantly dragged her feet closer.

She glanced around, at the crowded yard, all the kids walking into the school through the front doors that were right next to them. "I said after school. Cody— this isn't the place—"

"Just— just hear me out, okay?" The words fell off his trembling lips fast and shaky, he was almost choking on his need to get them out before she had the chance to say what he knew she wanted to tell him. "I— I'm so sorry for what happened. You had every right to freak out about the gun. It must have been terrifying for you, and— and I was such a jerk. I should have listened—"

"Cody, wait—"

"Please, just let me finish. I— I know it was my fault and I'm sorry. I'll do anything. I'll get rid of the gun. Maybe— maybe you're right, and nothing bad will happen. I don't need to have a gun, but Sky, I need you. I love you. I've never loved anyone else—"

"We have to break up."

Her sudden, blunt words felt like a gunshot through his heart. His knees almost gave in, he had to grab a nearby column to stay on his feet.

"What? Sky— no, no, Please—" The words almost wouldn't come. Even if his stomach was empty, he felt like he would be sick. "I know we argued, but— but I said I'd get rid of the gun. I said I was sorry. Please, Sky, we can work through it—"

"It's not the gun—" she breathed, her lips trembling. "Something happened. I— I did something bad."

Cody's heart stopped beating. The words that came out were barely audible.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hawk— he came by my house that night. He was upset— about his Dad, and I— We started talking. And—" her voice broke, she took a shaky breath, then another. "And— I…"

At that moment Cody saw the hickeys, partly covered by her curls, but clear enough to feel like a punch in the gut.

No. No. No—

It can't be— She wouldn't do that to me—

And yet, in that heartbeat, he knew with absolute certainty that she would. She would and she had. She had run out of his home, and straight into Hawk's arms just as he had always feared.

He raised a slow, trembling hand and brushed her curls to the side, to reveal her neck. The deep purple marks ran down towards the neckline of her hoodie, like writing that told of her deception, that mocked him for being a complete idiot.

Cody's stomach turned to stone. He had to swallow to keep the bitter bile down.

"What did you do?" He breathed, pulling his hand back as if touching her had burned him.

"I— I'm so sorry—"

A sound that was no word, left Cody's lips. His chest was collapsing, his ribs were breaking, the pain hit him like a truck had run him over, killing him where he stood.

"Did you— did you sleep with him?"

"Yes," she let out a tense breath that turned into a sob. "I didn't mean to— It just happened. I'm so sorry, Cody—"

No. No. No—!

The world around them disappeared. Cody's vision blurred, the darkness crept toward the center, he couldn't see the kids in the yard, didn't hear their voices. He couldn't take Sky's tears, her apologies. He didn't want to hear them, he didn't want to see her, he was falling in pieces, crumbling, shattering here at the front doors of the school—

His breathing came in strained, painful gasps. He could already feel the tears in his eyes, burning like acid, and without another word, he left. Sky tried calling his name, but he didn't turn to look, instead, he started running.

Away. He had to get away from here, away from her—

She didn't want him anymore. She had never wanted him. It had been a lie, a lie, a lie, he had been a fool to fall for it, to think that there was anything worth loving in him, that he was deserving of such a miracle.

The tears burst free when he neared the parking lot. He was sobbing, his breathing was nothing but ragged, broken exhales, so painful he felt like he would choke to death. People were pointing fingers at him, some were laughing, but he didn't even notice. Even in this crowd, he was alone, more so than he had ever been in his life.

Memories of their relationship flashed through his mind like arrows, fast and causing tearing pain. Stupid, so fucking stupid. Him going to the rehab place, the way Sky had thrown her arms around his neck, so surprised, so happy— His declarations of love at her front steps that cold, December afternoon. Stupid— I was an idiot— I should have known— His birthday, Sky in her fluffy, pink dress, the star-shaped golden earrings in the cloud flames that her hair painted around her face. Her sweet voice when she breathed "I love you Cody, I love you so much!"

It had all been a lie, he had been a fool, and Oh God how much it hurt, he wouldn't survive this pain, he would die here, at the high school parking lot, with an arrow in his heart, he would bleed to death and she wouldn't give a shit.

Had she ever even cared about him? Had it been just a game? She had played him, heartlessly, played him and he had been a fool to fall for it, an idiot. Worthless. Oh, how she must have been laughing with Hawk when Hawk had held her in his arms, when he had fucked her - laughing at Cody and his stupid love, his hopes, his dreams.

Gone. They were all gone now. Nothing remained but this insufferable pain, this black hole in his chest that was sucking out all the light in the world.

He couldn't remember where his car keys were or where he had parked his car. The tears were running down his cheeks in violent streams as he fumbled around his pockets, trying to find the keys, but they were lost, just as he was lost, lost without her, forever wandering in the darkness.

And then suddenly he saw the boy with the red mohawk, and everything went still in his chest. The pain subsided, it was replaced by roaring anger, unlike anything he had ever felt before.

Hawk.

He was stepping out of his car, talking to Miguel, as if this was just another day, as if he hadn't just destroyed Cody's whole fucking world. Through the high ringing of his ears, Cody couldn't hear what Hawk was saying, but it didn't matter. From some dark, long-forgotten corner at the back of his mind, Hawk's voice cut through clear and loud, yelling: "She fucking loves me—! She'll never love you the way she loves me! I bet she's thinking about me when you fuck her!"

And it was true, he should have seen it, should have believed it, it had always been true, and that truth was going to kill him, it was going to kill both of them.

Hawk didn't even see the first punch coming, but that didn't stop Cody. The fierce strike made Hawk's blood splatter onto the sidewalk, painting it red.