JENNIE

10th January

London

Neil and Elaina wouldn't take no for an answer. They had me over to their place for dinner, or came to our place every night since Lisa was away. I knew she'd arranged for them to babysit me, and I guess it made sense since they were just across the hall. Good thing I loved them both so much.

But they were newlyweds, and needed their private time together, I argued. Neil and Elaina were trying to make a baby of their own, and hanging out with me wasn't doing them much good in that department. When I said so, they both laughed at me and made cryptic comments that had me wondering if they'd already managed it and just weren't announcing the news yet. I hoped so. The two of them were so perfect together, and in getting to know them both so well, I'd learned how they'd been a part of each other's lives since they were kids. The two of them were fated to be together from the very beginning. It made me so happy knowing true love had won out for them.

Lisa's directive annoyed me, but at the same time, was so very typical of her. So protective, and caring…and cautious. I wondered how she was doing on the job with Prince Christian in the Swiss Alps. She'd dreaded to go as much as I hated her leaving. We hadn't had time to work through our hiccup, and it was the worst feeling for me.

I missed my wife dreadfully, and needed her back home. I wanted to unburden everything to her about what Taeyong had told me. And I hoped to hear whatever Lisa was willing to share with me, to get us back to where we'd been before that hideous night we fought over things that just weren't worth hurting the one you love. Not to me. And, I know, not to her, either.

Chicken tacos with avocado and corn salsa, was my new pregnant comfort food. I tried to get Neil and Elaina to abandon their dinner plans with me by having it twice in one week, but they weren't buying it, saying they loved my version of Mexican food. Bless their sweet Brit hearts. Because the British rendition of Mexican sucked, in my opinion. Maybe if my career in art conservation failed, I could do street-tacos and make a killing. I laughed inwardly at the idea of Lisa ever allowing me to entertain such a thing. I could set up next to Muriel's newsstand on the street by Manoban Security, and she could come down and have her lunch.

Neil loved cooking, so he was the one helping me in the kitchen. Elaina was off in the nursery working on the mural I'd planned out with her help. It was just a tree with birds and butterflies right now. Color and theme still to be determined, once we knew boy or girl…Thomas or Lauren.

"Do you know this was the very first meal I ever made for Lisa?" I popped a chunk of avocado in my mouth and savored it. "She brought along some Dos Equis, and ended up getting hooked on the Mexican beer and the Mexican food," I said.

"I know," Neil answered with a chuckle, as he added some spices to the sizzling chicken. "She talked about you all the time. Said you were a brilliant cook, and to give the Dos Equis a try with a sliver of lime."

"Did she?"

"Yeah. I knew she was done-for at that point. Not because of the Mexican food, mind you, but because of the beer. She left off with the Guinness practically overnight," he said with a snap of his fingers and a sorry shake of his head.

"That would be Lisa for you. She makes a decision about something, and that's that." I sighed pitifully, thinking about our unresolved "problems."

Neil stopped chopping tomatoes and looked up at me. "She'll be home soon, Jennie. There's nowhere she wants to be but right here with you."

"I know, but she left when things…weren't right between us. Do you know why, Neil?" I asked, realizing it was entirely probable he did know.

He nodded. "Yeah. I saw the photos of you and Lee at the coffee shop. Publicity Tweets is all that was to be expected really."

"I didn't think about that part. It was just something I had to do, and when Lisa gets home I will explain everything, but it just wasn't the time for me right then, you know?"

Neil's dark brown eyes were very warm and understanding. "The two of you will work through it, Jennie. I know Lisa, and there is nothing she wouldn't do for you. She'd walk through fire to get back with you."

I stifled a sob and worked on the corn salsa. "Neil, what's the deal with Sarah Hastings? When Lisa saw her again at your wedding, she was really affected by her presence, and not in a good way. She told me some of what happened to her husband, Mike, and how horrible his death was to witness. I understand that part of her trauma…and at the same time, I cannot imagine how devastating it is for her to remember when she has a flashback."

"Sarah? She's all right, and I can only guess that she has something to do with her therapy, but she hasn't said—and I won't ask."

"I understand," I said bleakly, realizing that I would just have to be patient with her, and wait until the time came when Lisa could tell me what role Sarah played in her emotional health. "Lisa told you about her therapy sessions with Dr. Wilson at the Combat Stress Centre?"

"She did, Jennie, and I am so glad she'd finally getting something in the way of support. I know it's only because of you that she'd been able to get herself over there."

"What happened to her was so horrible…" I trailed off, unable to even express my feelings about what Lisa had endured.

Neil stopped with the food prep altogether. "It was bad, Jennie, really bloody bad."

"I know she feels guilt, she told me she does, but why does she? Being captured and tortured was not her fault."

Neil hung his head and closed his eyes for just a moment. He paused with his head down over the kitchen counter for a long time. I figured he wouldn't tell me anything, or couldn't tell me because of strict rules within the British Army. But finally, he picked up his knife and returned to chopping vegetables, and then he started talking.

"I don't know everything, but I know enough to puzzle it together. L's shared what she could with me, and the rest I know because I heard the comms when they came through—the communications between base and squad when they're out in the field. I commanded my own team, as did Lisa. I wasn't there, just L and her men were. There were five troops, and Mike Hastings was one of them. None of them returned alive. Mike survived the ambush along with Lisa…and you know what happened there. L went through debriefing once she was returned, and she said on the day they planned to execute her, the building where she was being held was bombed into a pile of rubble. Nobody knows how L walked out of there alive. Not even she knows. She said she had no explanation of how or why she wasn't crushed to bits in the blast. It was something truly miraculous."

I held my breath as Neil explained the "why" for so many of my questions. Things Lisa just couldn't talk about. I now understood why, and it just shredded my heart for her, and what she had to suffer. "No wonder she has angel wings on her back," I whispered.

"Yeah." Neil gave the chicken another stir and told me the rest. "Mike's torture and execution was brutal, and I know Lisa feels tremendous loss and guilt. She believes because it was her call as commander, that she put them all into danger, and as a result of her decision, five young men lost their lives."

"But it was war. How can what happened be her fault?" I ached for Lisa even worse than before, and wanted nothing more than to have my arms around her, and her chest, with its fiercely brave and beautiful heart, beating up against mine.

"War is fucked no matter how you look at it. What happened to their team was indescribable really. They were lured in by a dead mother with her throat slit in the middle of the road, and with her hysterically crying son clinging to her body. she was no more than three years old. Hours of this went on and the comms kept coming in. Lisa wanted to go in and get the boy. And after many hours of haggling back and forth, she was finally given the go-ahead. But it was all a trap. The Taliban used a woman and child as decoys to take out a whole squad of elite soldiers—sympathetic Westerners, who would never conceive of such treatment to anyone or anything. It worked. Lisa went in, grabbed the boy, but he was shot and killed just seconds later, while still in L's arms. A firefight ensued and at the end of it, two innocent civilians were slaughtered, four of our own were dead, and Mike and L were captives."

"Oh, my God…"

I didn't even have words for Neil. What could I even say to her? Were there even words to be said? No…no words could make that story feel any better, no matter how many years passed. I rubbed my belly and thought of Lisa, and how much I loved her. She was so much more than I ever could have known when we first met. She was a true hero in every sense of the word, who had served honorably and suffered because of that service.

"Thank you for telling me, Neil, it h-helps me to…know."

And it really did help me, but knowing the truth was horrifying, too. I felt sick, and knew I couldn't eat the food I'd just been preparing with Neil. How did any of them eat anything ever again, when faced with the memories of wartime experiences I'd just heard? I knew how Lisa's mind worked, and I could honestly see her feeling the burden of terrible guilt over all of the deaths…how she suffered when she relived the events in dreams.

"I just love her so much. I'd do anything to be able to help her," I said finally.

"But you do, Jennie. Your love has helped her already, more than any other thing."

When I was awakened early the next morning from a sound sleep in my lonely bed, I was startled. When I realized Elaina had let herself into the flat to wake me, I knew something bad had happened. When I caught a glimpse of Neil hovering in the doorway, I started crying and gripped my chest. When I heard words saying that something had happened to Lisa, I screamed.

I screamed at them both and begged them not to tell me.

--

LISA

Switzerland

Neon green burned into my eyes. What the fuckin' hell? I tried to push whatever it was out of my face, but it wouldn't budge.

"Lisa…oh, fuck, man. It just took us some time to find you."

"What?" I tried to focus, but the sun was shining down, and the light too fucking bright. All I could see was glare and flaming electric green—the colour reminded me of Christian's jacket as he swept down the mountain ahead of me, right before the—

"Is that you, Christian? You're all right," I babbled, "that's good." I was so relieved he'd survived I could've kissed the little shit, if I could even feel my face. The King still had his heir. Thank fuck. "Tell me, I want to know…did the other lads make it?"

"Yes! We made it, and you did too, Lisa."

Had I? Didn't feel like it at all. "But I'm up here on this mountain, and I can't walk—my leg is fucked up." I was glad Christian and the boys were okay, but I didn't see how I would get out of this mess intact, especially if it didn't happen soon. I was in very poor shape, and I knew it. I couldn't really see Christian's face, everything was blurry, and I was tired…so tired.

"I know," he said, before setting something hard against my lips. "Drink this. It'll help you."

I sucked in some liquid but couldn't tell what it was. I couldn't feel much, only exhaustion. Then I remembered what I needed to do. More important than anything. I pushed the drink away. "But…do you have a mobile on you, Christian? Mine's been lost. I have to tell…my wife—I need to give her—a message—"

"Hang on, Lisa, they're coming to get you. You're gonna be okay, man."

"No—I need to call Jennie. Now!" I desperately needed to make him understand.

"There's no cellular. It won't go to her."

"That's okay…it'll send once you get in range of service. Voice text—will—work…" I tried to reach for him to make him understand. "Help me, please."

"Okay, Lisa, okay. What's her number?"

I said the numbers carefully because I didn't want to make a mistake. This was so important, and I couldn't fuck this up. "Now, set it for voice…and let me talk."

Christian put the thing in my hand, which was hard to grip through the gloves, but he helped me to hold it and told me when to start speaking.

"Jennie, baby…I don't want you to be scared or sad, okay? I love you, and I'm happy right now. Very, very happy…because I got to be with you…and love you. I'll still be here, just loving you from another place, and our little Lauren-Thomas, too." I struggled to keep it together to finish my message, but it was so hard saying goodbye. How was it even possible I had to do such a thing? But yet, I needed to tell her. Nothing was going to stop me. "…you made me real, my beauty, and I love you for that, and I always will…until the end of time."

There. I'd managed it. She would hear from me one last time, and know…my truth.

Now, I could close my eyes and go to sleep. So desperately tired...

I floated for a time, peacefully drifting…somewhere, I don't know where. An idea came to me and I remembered about my mum. I'd get to see her again, and that was a very nice thought. I felt unusually free and weightless, as if I were being held up by…something light.

Wings?

But that's exactly what it felt like—wings holding me up, cradling my back. Silky feathers in two flowing arcs. Soft, but so powerfully strong. I realized what they belonged to after a while. They were angel wings.

I was being held by an angel.

--

JENNIE

12th January

London

Come back to me…

I'm right here, Lisa. Always. You just have to come back to me when you're ready. I'll be here waiting for you with Lauren-Thomas. We need you. I need you in order to do this. I just need you, and I won't ever let you go. I never will.

I stayed with my wife at her hospital bedside. Come back to me, baby. Same hospital we'd come to visit Taeyong. I was so grateful, though. She was here with me now, and I could touch her, and see her, and the doctors could help her. Neil pulled some major strings with someone and arranged for Lisa to be airlifted to London. Bambam helped, too. I don't know what I would have done without those two. They knew people who could get things done. If Lisa were stuck in Switzerland right now, where I couldn't go to her, I'd need to be strapped down.

I think Jonathan and Marie were about to commandeer me home but I wasn't going anywhere. They'd finally gone to get food and said they'd be back later. They could fuss and try their strong-arm tactics all they wanted with me, but it wouldn't do any good. I knew where I needed to be. I won't leave you, my darling. I'm going to be here when you wake up.

Even so, I couldn't do much of anything for her. The hospital had everything covered. Stitches to close the gash beside her right eye, at the top of her cheekbone. She would have a scar there now. Surgery to repair her left leg. Tibia and fibula both blown out, but they were fixed now, and would heal faster because of the pins they'd put into her bones. My wife was just "sleeping" right now. She needed the deep rest so her body could regenerate.

So I sat there beside her, and called her back to me. I got the message you left for me on Christian's phone. He was very sweet, and very worried about you. He called and talked to me because he didn't want me to be scared by the text message you sent from her phone. He told me what happened, how they wanted to take a backcountry run, and how you told them what to do if they got in trouble up there. He said they all did what you'd instructed them to do, and because of it, they were all okay. He feels terrible you were the one who got hurt—

I felt a heavy hand come to rest on my shoulder. "They had blackberry flavor. I hope that's all right." Bambam pushed the cup of hot tea toward my hand. "Oh, and I got this for you, too." He held out a protein bar. "Eat it, please."

Slowly, I raised my eyes in shock. His words—the gesture, was nearly identical. I looked at Bambam where he stood frowning at me. Tall and green-eyed, with longer hair—just as handsome as his cousin, but different. Bambam bore a slightly more refined look, where Lisa was blessed with a harshness that made her appear a bit more rugged. But the genetics they shared? As clearly visible as water in a glass. They were of the same blood, and of the same mind.

Bambam's offering of the protein bar brought back vivid memories of that first night, when Lisa drove me home from Mino's show—all in a split-second. I could smell the scent of her and feel the warmth of the Rover's heated seats. I could see her perfectly in my mind, the way she'd set that protein bar on my knee and waited for me to eat it before he would move the car. The "don't-fuck-with-me" attitude. And the heavy dose of persuasive dominance I couldn't deny. Come back to me, Lisa…

"Okay." I nodded, and felt my eyes fill, struggling to keep it together, wanting to be strong for Lisa.

"Good girl," he said softly, pulling up beside me in a chair. "She'd have a tantrum if she thought you weren't taking care."

"I know," I said pitifully, taking a bite and chewing. It tasted like sawdust but I ate it anyway, and sipped the tea. My butterfly angel needed food even if I didn't want any.

"Thank you, Jennie," he said with a gentle smile. This was a different side of Bambam I was seeing at Lisa's bedside. Bambam Bhuwakul was a devastating combination of charmingly sexy mixed with witty cynicism, but not right now. It was blatantly obvious he was worried about Lisa, too. They behaved more like brothers than cousins, I thought, and I always had felt that from the two of them. They were brothers in their heart, where it mattered.

"The first night I met Lisa she bought me a protein bar and made me eat it," I told him.

I felt the tears spill out and down my cheeks and tried to wipe them away with the back of my hand.

Bambam put his arm around me and pulled me in against his side. "She loves you so much. I know she'd fighting her way back. I know her. I know how her mind works. L's fighting her way back to you right now, Jennie."

I nodded my agreement. I couldn't speak, all I could do was believe. Bambam's words were my lifeline to Lisa right now, and I couldn't allow any other thoughts or doubts to creep in.

So, we sat there together, and gave her some more time to come back to us.

--

LISA

Finally. I smelled her again. Her scent was in my nose, and I breathed it in. A lungful of Jennie. But how could that be? I'd said goodbye to her up on that mountain. I felt different, though.

Vastly different.

I could now feel my body. My hands, my toes, my head. Does that mean…I've made it? Oh, fuckin' fuck yes! I felt euphoria. I was alive…and Jennie was close by. It was so good…whatever was being done to me. The massaging of fingers through my hair, over and over again. Fingers I knew well. Belonging to a hand I'd felt, and held, and kissed. The hand slowly rubbed my scalp. Her hand—Jennie's hand touched me, and that was the most wonderful perfect fucking thing. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, and that I was going to be fine, but I couldn't speak yet. All I could do was breathe her in, and savour the feel of her touching me. Somehow, by some miraculous intervention, I'd survived. I remembered the angel wings holding me when I was floating between life and death. It very much reminded me of another time when it had happened to me.

Thank you, Mum. Again.

I knew complete and total relief, and knew I could stop struggling now…and just sleep a little more, with my girl right beside me.

Little kicks and nudges rumbled against my hand. I loved it. Always made me smile. I knew exactly what I was feeling. Lauren-Thomas was talking to Dada. You've gotten stronger, little one. I rubbed my hand over the baby, trying to imagine which body part was which. Was that a little bum or the crown of a head? More kicks pummeled my palm, and made me laugh. It was the best damn feeling in the whole fucking world. Like a blessing—a gift I didn't expect—perfectly beautiful.

"Lisa laughed. Did you hear her, Bambam? She'd laughing at the baby kicking." I knew that voice. That was my Jennie talking to Bambam.

I opened my eyes.

"It worked," she said in a whisper. "You came back to me."

Jennie's face was a mess of tears and worry. She looked exhausted with dark circles under her eyes and her hair all mussed. Her eyes were glassy from crying. But the sight of her against me so close, was the most beautiful sight my pitiful eyes had ever beheld in the whole of my life.

"Jennie…baby—" I smiled, and stared at every inch of her face, soaking in the sight of her for a moment. "—I dreamed of you up on that mountain—to help me to get warm…and find a safe place to go. I just dreamed you, and knew things would be good, and I was happy, not afraid."

"Oh, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa…" She sobbed, burrowing into my chest and rocking her forehead back and forth. I took stock of where we were and figured it was a hospital bed, and both of us were lying on our sides, facing each other. My girl had crawled up into my hospital bed with me, apparently, so I could smell her. She'd even gone a step further by putting my hand on her belly so I could feel Lauren-Thomas kicking madly away from the inside. Both of them had called me back.

I looked over at my cousin and caught the words, welcome back, mouthed at me.

Thanks, I mouthed in return, grateful to him for helping Jennie while I was out of it. Then he grinned at me, and slipped out the door, jogging his hand to his ear in the universal "ring me" gesture.

"I love you so much," I whispered, trying to keep my own emotions in check. I brought my hand up to her chin and forced her face up to meet mine. I needed to look into her eyes first. Then, once I'd drowned myself in all their multicoloured glory, I would need to kiss her for a long, long time.

I think she was in a bit of shock because she just kept saying the same thing over and over again.

"You came back to me."

"I did, my beauty, because you brought me back. You did it…and an angel helped me, too."

--

JENNIE

15th January

Lisa was so very quiet on the ride home from the hospital. We sat in the back seat together while Len drove. She held my hand tightly, gripping so hard it actually felt uncomfortable, but I wasn't willing to pull away from her. Lisa needed to touch me, even if it was just by our hands.

Her dad had called me and asked about having dinner to celebrate her homecoming, but I made an excuse to postpone for the following week. Lisa wasn't up for socializing, and quite frankly, I wasn't either. Her accident had made me paranoid, and if I allowed myself to think about how close he'd come to dying, I was likely to have a panic attack. I knew that wouldn't be good for the baby, so I refused the frightening thought's entrance into my mind. For now, I just wanted her near me, where I could take care of her, and she could heal.

Lisa walked into the flat by herself using the crutches, but on her own power. I closed and locked the door behind her, and followed her into the main room.

She stopped in the middle and just stood there, her eyes on me, a brutal rawness in her expression now that we were alone together.

"Come here," she said in harsh whisper.

I went to my Lisa.

I was swept into her arms immediately, seized so tightly against her body, I gasped in surprise. Her crutches crashed to the floor with a bang when she let go of them to hold onto me. Lisa's desperation to bring me close, ruled the moment, and I understood why. My wife had been traumatized, yet again, by the imminent threat of death. She'd been certain she would die up on the mountain, without ever getting a chance to see me again, or to meet our baby, or tell us she loved us, or say goodbye properly. Memories of me had been her comfort to help her through the experience, and then when she didn't die, she was thrust back into reality and forced to process that he'd survived. A total and complete mindfuck for her.

"Lisa. I'm here, baby. Let me help you."

"I need—I need to be with you," she rasped into my neck, her beard prickling my skin as she pressed in deep.

I pulled back, forcing her to look at me, and focus on my words. "Let's go to our bed, and forget about everything else for the moment. Just you and me together." A look of pain spread across her face. "And then, later, we can talk about the things that we needed to say to each other before you left for Switzerland. But right now, the two of us need to be close, and feel that for a while."

She closed her eyes for a second and then opened them again, a look of total relief in her eyes. "Yes…please." She looked down at the floor where her crutches lay sprawled. I bent to retrieve them, and handed them to her one at a time. Her hardened, wounded expression softened as she took the crutches. "I wish I could tell you how much I love you…but there aren't enough words to fucking express it."

"I know."

She followed me into our bedroom and sat down on the side of the bed. This time, arranging her crutches where she'd be able to reach them when she wanted to get up again. I came to stand between her legs and felt her hands come up immediately to draw me closer. Her face buried just below my breasts, her hands cupped my backside, and her nose inhaled my natural scent.

Lisa was desperately trying to crawl back into me.

I knew what she really needed was a hard and wild fuck from me, but I also knew, just as she did, that I couldn't give it to her any more than she was capable of giving it to me. We would have to figure out another way.

I stepped back until I was just out of reach, but still close.

I kicked off my flats and kept my eyes on her.

"I want you to remember the first time I was here in this bed with you—the first time we were together."

I unbuttoned my back cardigan and let it fall to the floor. Her eyes followed to where I'd dropped it, and then lifted back up to meet mine. "I remember," she said.

"Then let's go back to that time together," I told her. "We were careful with each other because we were unsure about what the other person might want, or need."

Her brown eyes darkened. "I could hardly believe you agreed to come home with me. I was dying for you that night, Jennie. I'd never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you."

I swallowed deeply and moved back between her legs. I reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head.

She did the same with my dark grey dress—just lifted it up and off me when I bent at the waist to help her.

I straightened. "I wanted you just as much that first time, Lisa. Just as much." I unhooked my bra and let it drop. The almost inaudible sound of it hitting the floor ratcheted up the tension.

Her eyes flared as she took in the sight of my much heavier breasts, and she reached out a hand to touch one. She traced the flesh with a fingertip in a wide circle, growing smaller with each rotation until she finished at my nipple.

She flipped her eyes up to mine. "I wanted to please you more than anything. I wanted to make you come, and hear the sounds you made when you did."

I bent down to the floor and untied her right shoe. She leaned back on her elbows and stretched out her long body, lifting her hips for me so I could slide her sweat pants down her legs and over her cast.

My wife looked absolutely gorgeous, splayed out naked with her cock fully erect. I knew what I would be doing first.

I knelt on the floor right at the edge of the bed, between her legs. I asked in a whisper, "And what did I say when you made me come?" I took her rock hard cock in my hand and stroked it from base to tip, standing it straight up off her packed abs.

She sucked in a breath and lowered her eyelids in pleasure, but she answered my question. "Lisa…you said…Lisa."

I covered the head of her cock with my mouth and slid her to the back of my throat.

--

LISA

She gave me everything I needed. I don't know how she knew what that was precisely, or when I needed it, but Jennie always knew the right thing to do.

After she got me off with her beautiful mouth, I returned the favour, relishing the exquisite feel of my very warm, and very safe place, shuddering beneath my lips, and convulsing around my tongue. I heard her call my name more than a few times before I was done with pleasuring her.

Later, we fell asleep together, spooning on our sides while I was still inside her, and slept that way for hours.

Best sleep of my life—with my precious girl wrapped around me.

I didn't forget to be thankful.