A/N: When I started writing this, my goal was to just write the bits that I wanted to write. I'm now at the point where I don't really want to keep writing things in this world. It means a lot to me, and I love these versions of these characters, but I think I've played with them just about enough.

This will be the last real chapter. We're not tying up all of the loose ends - or even most of them - but I'm okay with that, because that's never what this story was meant to be. I am planning to post an epilogue after this as well, to give you an idea of where things might go after this. I know not everyone has been looking for the same outcome in the end, so if you'd prefer to ignore the epilogue and hold your own belief about their futures, that's fine by me, I don't mind. But for those of you who want to know where I might have been going with this, you can expect a brief epilogue that may have a few answers for you.

If you've read this story, thank you so much. I haven't known what I'm doing most of the time, so I appreciate you sticking it out, and that's especially true if you've been keeping up with the updates as I post - especially recently, because I know updates have been few and far between.

Anyway, this note is far longer that it needed to be, so I guess I'll wrap it up now. Please enjoy the final (pre-epilogue) chapter. It's an extra long one :)

It's a bad idea. He knows it's a bad idea. He knows that. But it's been eating at him, this thing between them, and every time he's so much as hinted at wondering what's in Kurt's head, Kurt brushes him off.

But he wants to know. He needs to know, because it's driving him insane, the not knowing how Kurt feels. Kurt isn't ready for a relationship right now, he can't be, Sebastian knows that, but… he needs to feel something, right? This can't all be just in Sebastian's head. There's something there, it's not just nothing.

And then they ran into Blaine at the bar and Kurt just– well, he doesn't really know what happened. Because Kurt just left, and he didn't hear anything until he finally gave up and sent the first text to ask Kurt if he was still alive, and Kurt responded like nothing had happened.

And now they're in Sebastian's apartment, on his couch, watching a movie, and it's driving him absolutely mad.

He just needs to hear Kurt say it. It doesn't matter how bad of an idea it is, he needs this.

"Kurt?"

Kurt looks up at him expectantly from where he's curled into Sebastian's side.

"What are we doing here?" Sebastian continues when Kurt doesn't speak.

Kurt's expression turns puzzled. "We're… watching a movie?"

"No, I mean… us. This. What are we doing?"

"We are sitting on your couch and watching a movie," Kurt repeats, more certain now, and then he turns back to the television, as though there's no more discussion to be had on the subject.

"Kurt," Sebastian tries again, shifting to sit up and in turn Kurt moves off him now, too, sits up more properly, "I'm serious. Whatever is going on with us – what is it?"

The tightening of Kurt's features is near-imperceptible but Sebastian catches it, catches the way Kurt is almost bracing himself, putting on a mask, and he hates that.

"Sebastian, we're friends. Sometimes friends hang out. Sometimes friends go to their friend's apartment and watch a movie together. I don't know what you're talking about."

Sebastian suppresses an eyeroll. "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot. I know what friends are–"

"Then I don't understand the confusion," Kurt interjects.

"– I want to know what we are. Do friends cuddle on the couch and watch movies? Do friends stay at their friend's place overnight several days a week? Do friends fuck each other?" He tries to keep his voice calm, but he can hear the volume rising anyway as he continues speaking.

"Apparently they do, yes," Kurt replies, voice clipped, and then he turns back to the television again.

"You are so full of shit." Sebastian thinks he probably should care about keeping this civil, because he's pretty sure that if he doesn't then he won't be getting a straight answer, but Kurt is infuriating, and he doesn't think he's asking for much, he just wants him to admit that this is something.

"Excuse me?" Kurt turns back to look at him, eyes narrowed.

"You heard me. You are so full of shit," Sebastian repeats. "Look, I'm not looking for, like, a declaration of love or something, I'm not an idiot, but you can't tell me this doesn't mean anything to you."

Kurt's gaze turns icy at that, and Sebastian can tell that all of his walls are up now. "Sebastian, we are friends who have casual sex. Don't act like that's a new concept to you."

"You know this is different." Sebastian insists.

"What I know," Kurt says, "is that this is ridiculous. Not everything has to mean something, Sebastian, god, you of all people should know that. How many guys have you hooked up with and had it mean nothing?"

"None of them have been you."

He doesn't mean to say it, not like that. But it's true, none of them have been Kurt, and he's not going to take it back.

Something in Kurt's expression looks a little pained, but his voice is steely when he speaks. "Don't try to tell me I'm different, Sebastian. I know you. Stop acting like this is more than it is, because it's not."

"I'm not– look, I'm not trying to be your boyfriend or anything, you have a lot of shit going on, I get it. But you can't just sit there and tell me this doesn't mean fucking anything to you! Don't forget I know you, too. And I know you didn't even want Blaine to touch you, let alone fuck you, so don't try to tell me there's nothing here."

Kurt's eyes narrow even further, and his voice is deadly calm when he says, "Don't you dare bring Blaine into this."

Sebastian laughs a little hysterically. "I'm not the one who brought Blaine into this, Kurt. You are. You're the one who kissed me while you were still together. You're the one who showed up at my door the night he asked you to leave. You are the one who came to my apartment when you decided to split up and slept with me. This whole thing has been about Blaine, hasn't it? What, you're just trying to forget about him and I happened to be the first willing participant? Fuck you, Kurt."

"Oh, and you're not getting anything out of this either?" Kurt spits back. "You must think you're so generous, taking pity on the poor guy who lost his daughter and had his husband leave him. So kind of you to be willing to fuck me, Sebastian, I'm sure you didn't enjoy that at all. Don't act for a second like this isn't exactly what you wanted from the beginning, because I know it is. Well, congratulations! You got what you wanted! So I don't know why the fuck you're acting like I'm taking advantage of you when anybody else looking at this situation would say the exact opposite."

Sebastian lets out a harsh laugh. "You have got to be kidding me," he says, more to himself than to Kurt, and rubs a hand over his face. "Okay, fine. If that's how you feel, then why are you here? What are you doing here if all I'm doing is taking advantage of you? I'm not making you stay! You can leave!"

"I don't want to leave!" Kurt yells back.

"Jesus, Kurt, I don't know what the fuck you want then."

Kurt's voice is still loud, but it breaks as he says, "Me neither."

"Fuck," Sebastian sighs, anger draining from his voice. "Kurt, that's not what I meant–"

"It is what you meant. And you're right."

Kurt is standing and walking across the room toward his coat, and Sebastian is up and following him as soon as he realizes.

"Kurt, stop, it's fine, I didn't really mean you should leave. I just– I'm an idiot, you know that."

"Goodbye, Sebastian," Kurt says, pulling on his coat, and Sebastian can tell he's trying as hard as he can to keep it level.

"Kurt, you don't have to go. Come on. Stay."

Kurt's hand slips off the door handle as he turns to finally face Sebastian again. "Stay and do what, Sebastian? Finish watching the movie? Sleep with you?"

"Sure, yeah, if that's what you want," Sebastian says, tries not to sound like he's pleading because he has a feeling that if Kurt walks out that door now it might be the last time. He takes a step closer, watching Kurt's face as he does. He closes the distance, presses Kurt's back to the door and presses their lips together. Sebastian's hand finds its way to Kurt's face, cupping along the side of his jaw to tilt his head up just slightly into the kiss. Kurt kisses back, and Sebastian feels him melting into it just a little bit as he swipes his tongue into Kurt's mouth. By the time he pulls back they're both breathing just a little heavier.

There's a moment of silence before Kurt says, "I can't do this anymore," voice raspy, almost a whisper. "I can't keep doing this."

Sebastian deflates a little and takes a step back, putting some distance between them. "Fine, whatever. Do what you have to do," he says, looking away and giving a small shrug.

Sebastian keeps his gaze trained to his bookcase on the other side of the room, waiting for the sound of Kurt opening the door, but it doesn't come. Instead, he catches the movement in the corner of his eye, and turns to watch as Kurt slides down the door to sit on the ground, burying his face in his arms folded across his knees.

"I'm sorry." Kurt's voice is soft and a little broken and it breaks Sebastian's heart a little, too.

"For what?" Sebastian asks cautiously, moving to sit on the floor next to him.

"For everything. Dragging you into this– whatever it is. I shouldn't have gotten you involved in anything."

"I don't know if you've noticed," Sebastian says, hint of a smirk in his voice, "but I've kind of enjoyed being involved."

Kurt lifts his head to glance at Sebastian, shoots him a rueful grimace. "Well, I'm still sorry."

"You don't have to be," Sebastian shrugs.

Kurt doesn't respond again, just tips his head back against the door and closes his eyes. Sebastian stays there on the floor, watching Kurt carefully, the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.

They're silent for so long that Sebastian almost wonders if Kurt has fallen asleep asleep, but then he speaks again.

"It's not nothing, you know."

"What?"

"This. Us. It doesn't mean nothing to me."

"Oh," Sebastian says, a little dumbfounded. He'd known it, deep down, but hearing Kurt admit it left him feeling a little lost somehow.

"I don't know what to do," he continues, voice nearly a whisper, eyes open again but looking anywhere except Sebastian. "I don't– I'm not ready for a relationship. And I don't want to lead you on. But I don't know how to stop."

"Don't know how to stop what?" Sebastian asks dumbly.

"Feeling like this. Doing this. I just– I don't think I can stop. It's like I need you to breathe."

Sebastian feels his breath hitch in his throat a little at that. "You don't have to stop. I like what we've been doing."

Kurt looks at him now, finally, a bit incredulous. "You don't mean that."

"I definitely do mean it."

Kurt looks away again. "If you meant it then we wouldn't be fighting about it."

"I'd be more worried if we weren't fighting," Sebastian says with a light laugh, and it draws the smallest chuckle from Kurt, too. "But seriously, Kurt, we were fighting because you're too stubborn for your own good, not because I don't mean it."

"We were fighting because I've been using you," Kurt says, voice muffled as he drops his head into his arms again.

"We were fighting because you weren't being honest," Sebastian corrects again. "Look, Kurt, I… can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah," comes Kurt's muffled voice.

"It means something to me, too. It means a lot more than anything else I've ever done with anyone. And– I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with that. And I know you've got a lot of shit on your plate, I know you can't be in a relationship right now. And I'm not going to try to force you to. But I can't walk away from this either."

Kurt looks up at him again, blinks a few times, then says, "So, where does that leave us?"

"I don't know," Sebastian says simply.