Shattered Past

**Warning: This chapter contains content related to suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and physical abuse. If you are sensitive to any of these topics please do not read.**

From beyond the threshold of the bathroom doorway, bits of sand flew up and swept against Ajay's body. She dropped her hands from her face and let them hang down at her sides. Her eyes had to be playing tricks on her because it was the only reasonable explanation that she could come up with because there was a desert in front of her. There was a fucking desert where there should have been a bathroom.

The heat that drift in from the desert would have been stifling if she still hadn't been standing in Octavio's bedroom. She wasn't sure if she wanted to step foot into sand or stay in the bedroom. She decided, instead, to pinch her left thigh with her left hand in hopes that she would wake up from this bizarre dream. She closed her eyes and opened them to find herself still looking at the fucking desert. She pinched her thigh again but this time she left a bruise. It was no use, it wasn't a dream.

The desert seemed to go on forever with no end in sight, just endless flatland of sand. The more she stared at the deviation from reality, the more she started to notice that details were appearing right before her eyes. The arid land was no longer just sand, it now seemed to be filled with things that she felt that she had seen before, but she was so sure that she hadn't seen them at all.

A small stream surfaced to form what she thought was water, but the longer she stared at the water, more she began to realize that it wasn't just water in the stream. Parts of the water were red and carrying pieces of flesh that didn't look human. She just couldn't imagine what was littered throughout the water.

She glanced away from the stream and over to a couple of guns that were strewn about in the nearby sand. Blood splatter covered the guns and the immediate area, which led her to believe that some sort of battle had ensued. The guns looked familiar but she didn't know why; she had never seen them before. Maybe if she touched them, held them, "No." She didn't trust stepping into the desert.

"What da fuck…" She whispered to herself as she tried to find a rational explanation for what she was witnessing. Some of what she saw felt familiar but at the same time it didn't and it was getting really confusing. She tilted her head downwards and closed her eyes as her head pounded at the familiarity and the confusion of the whole scene.

"Che…" Her body began to tremble when she heard her name come from and unfamiliar, Latin accented voice. Only one person called her that, but this was not that one person. She almost didn't want to face who was in front of her but she knew that she needed to. She reluctantly opened her eyes and tilted her head back up to find a man standing only a couple of feet from her.

The man's messy hair was jet black and his face, and shirtless upper body, were riddled with scars of various sizes and shapes; though the ones on his abdomen looked pretty fresh. The abdominal scars were definitely new. Maybe he had been involved in the gun battle but they didn't look like bullet wounds.

"Please Che." She watched as the man extend his hand towards her. Her body froze in place but it was only for a moment. She was then able to take a step backward while locking her gaze with his emerald eyes, which were blatantly grief stricken. Her brain tried to convince her legs to move and run but all she could manage to do was stand there and examine the man in front of her. For some reason she almost felt bad for him, almost.

"Che, please take my hand." Her mouth was too dry to speak so she shook her head instead. She watched as he took a step closer towards her. A tiny part of her wanted to him to touch her but her body screamed for her to turn and run. She took one more step backwards and then made a beeline for the bedroom door. She didn't know who this man was and she would not fall prey to some deranged psychopath.

She wasted no time throwing the door open and running out of the room. The sound of mechanical footsteps closed in behind her but when she reached the hallway she was forced to stop in her tracks. The hallway was long and twisted in ways that it shouldn't have. It even appeared to be spinning, which was entirely impossible. It was like she was in some sort of funhouse at a carnival.

Ajay didn't have time to question what the fuck was wrong with the hallway or even if it was a hallway anymore. Hell, she didn't even know if she was in Octavio's house anymore. When the mechanical footsteps were nearly inches from her backside, she quickly made the decision to move forward and began running as fast as she could through the impossibly long, spinning hallway.

Eventually after what felt like miles of running on the ceiling, she made it to the top of the staircase. She stopped momentarily at the edge of top step to catch her breath. She quickly looked behind her to find that the hallway was just a hallway but everything beyond it was black and ended in nothingness, "What da fuck…" She shook her head and forced herself down the stairs as fast as she could.

Out of breath and nearly killing herself on the last few steps, Ajay was finally at the bottom of the staircase. She looked around for moment and hesitantly crept through a nearby hallway trying to go unnoticed. "Ajay? Is that you?" Ajay's heart nearly dropped to the floor as she stopped where she stood when she heard her mother's stern tone.

"You need to eat now. We have to leave soon." Cherisse was always prompt about being on time, always. Ajay stepped into the large room that she called the sitting area because that's where the adults usually just sat and talked, or sat and read, or just sat. Either way, the room was just boring; Octavio was rubbing off on her.

She found her mother sitting one of the sofas, undoubtedly reading the morning news on her tablet. Probably reading about the stock market or some other crap that Ajay didn't care to think about. The less she involved herself with the family business, the better. She didn't plan on taking on the family business when she became of age as her parents had planned out for her.

Cherisse looked up from her tablet at Ajay in disbelief, "What are you wearing? I laid a gown and shoes out for you. Where did you even get that clothing?" Ajay looked down at her plain black shirt, black jean shorts, and black boots. She really didn't see a problem with what she was wearing other than her mother didn't hand pick it. Ajay looked back over to her mother, who was now standing up, "Just go change right away Ajay."

Ajay's brain felt scrambled like she was experiencing déjà vu. Had she been here, in this house, the whole time? She glanced back towards the half spiraled staircase behind her. She couldn't shake the feeling that she didn't belong here. She slowly turned her attention back to her mother and hesitantly stepped forward to close the gap between them.

She knew that her mother was giving her a warning but Ajay shook her head trying to think of what to say. Her mouth was much quicker than her brain, "I thought I was stayin' home." This whole scenario felt oddly familiar, which made her skin crawl. Desperation washed over her body and she suddenly felt a need to run but she couldn't. As always her feeble body just left her paralyzed with fear.

Cherisse got very close to Ajay to make her authority known. The expression on her mother's face was less than amused, "Does it sound like you are staying home? Do not make me tell you again to change your clothing and get ready to leave." Ajay titled her head downward and stared down at her boots; she could never really look her mother in the eye, "Nah." It was the only word she could get passed her dry lips.

After hearing the words that came out of Ajay's mouth, Cherisse wasted no time responding, "What did you say?" Ajay finally found enough courage to look up at her mother, "Nah. I'm stayin' here. Yuh said I could stay here and I'm gonna ta stay here." Ajay wasn't going to blow off months of planning time with Octavio because of her mother. Ajay just stood there and waited for the repercussions of her decision.

Cherisse placed her hand at the bottom of Ajay's shirt and grabbed it, attempting to pull up and off of Ajay, "You are only 13 years old and you will do what I tell you to do. If you won't take these promiscuous clothes off then I will do it for you. Then I will make you regret ever wearing them." Ajay put up a struggle which only made her mother pull harder at her shirt.

Ajay's mother didn't back down as Ajay flailed her arms at Cherisse and then at a nearby table knocking over a large glass vase. The vase toppled over and hit the tile floor, shattering on contact. Shards of glass and stupid fake flowers went everywhere. The sound of the breaking vase startled Ajay out of her fit and made her look down at the mess that their fight had created.

"What is wrong with you Ajay?" Cherisse released Ajay's shirt and took a hold of the back of Ajay's head. Before she knew it, Ajay was being pushed, face first into the glass mess by her mother. Ajay screamed as her face hit the ground; glass embedding itself into her face and hands on contact. She laid there and silently hyperventilated as Cherisse loomed over her, "Serves you right for throwing a fit and disobeying me like an ungrateful little brat."

Glass crunched under Ajay as she slowly sat up, leaning against her right leg. She coaxed her from trembling but it was hard to focus on anything but the excruciating pain. She wanted to grab her leg, which now had glass in it, but she didn't. Instead Ajay let out an uneven sigh as she lifted her left hand up. Her left hand bled as she clutched a large, jagged piece of glass.

Cherisse smirked, "What are you going to do with that? Cut me with it?" Ajay's hand shook, almost violently, as she squeezed the glass when Cherisse let out a small chuckle. For a moment the laugh didn't even sound like her mother. It almost sounded like a man's laughter; haunting and chilling but quickly fleeting.

The thought of hurting her mother had crossed her mind a handful of times but she had never actually acted on it. Despite all of the shit that her mother had put her through, Ajay didn't think that she had it in her to actually physically harm her mother.

Tears and blood streamed down Ajay's face as she absently stared at the floor. Her cries were overpowered by her mother's laughter. Ajay shook her head and composed herself before looking up at her mother, "Nah. I'm not gonna cut yuh." Cherisse gave Ajay a condescending smile, "Of course you won't because you are too weak. You are too weak to fight back. You are just a weak little brat. You always have been. Even when you were born you were too weak to live without machines, treatment, medications. Weak. Weak. Weak."

Ajay stared into her mother's eyes and lowered the glass to her right wrist. Her heart pounded into her ears and drown out all of her mother's words. Ajay pushed the jagged edge of the glass against her skin until the protruding edge penetrated her flesh. The sharp pain became almost non-existent after the glass punctured her skin and blood began to pour out. Suddenly the pain was gone and she could think clearly.

She then pushed the glass in further until more blood gushed. The pounding of her heart begin to slow and calm fell over her. She continued by pulling the glass up the length of her arm until she reach towards the bend where she stopped. Her body convulsed and she felt too weak to rake the glass any farther up her arm.

Not once did Cherisse budge from her authoritarian position. She simply just stood there, with her arms crossed over her chest, above her daughter. With a shaky hand, Ajay tore the glass from her arm and dropped it onto the tile next to her. The glass made a small wet thud noise and sent blood splattering everywhere, which included Cherisse.

Ajay's whole body began to convulse uncontrollably as she collapsed onto her right side. The floor was cold, bloody, and glass covered but it was the only welcoming place in the entire house. Laying on glass didn't hurt, in fact nothing seemed to hurt anymore. She stared at the blood on the floor as it pooled outward from her arm.

Cherisse pulled out her phone and dialed what Ajay knew to be emergency services. "Yes. This is Mrs. Che. Can you come right away? Ajay hurt herself again and she will need stitches. No. It was an accident again. Yes, I will need someone to take her home because Darion and I will be leaving town for a week. Thank you." Cherisse hung up the phone and leaned down to pick up the large piece of glass that Ajay had used to gouge herself with.

Cherisse used her other hand to grab Ajay by the back of the head and force Ajay's gaze to her own, "When you get home you will pick up the mess that you have made. When your father and I return, I will decide on the appropriate punishment for you. While we are gone you are not allowed to leave this house and that Silva kid had better not make an appearance or your punishment will be far worse."

Ajay's eyes grew too heavy to hold open as her mother dropped Ajay's head back into the bloody mess. Everything that Cherisse had said sounded so distant; it was too far away for Ajay to hear. She knew that she would be going to the hospital, with any luck maybe she had cut deep enough to get her out of this place. A small smile lined her lips before she drifted into unconsciousness.

The hospital trip was just like all the other hospital trips. It was an "accident." It was always an accident that was her fault. That's what her mother said whenever something like this happened. They must have thought that Ajay was either the most accident prone kid there ever was or maybe her family was just paying off the staff so that they wouldn't say anything.

Ajay was seen by their personal family doctor who stitched up her arm and pulled the glass from her face, arms, hands, and various parts of her body. She was pumped full of IV fluids and IV antibiotics and any visible blood and debris was cleansed from her skin. Ajay didn't bother to say anything through the entire process; they wouldn't believe her anyway. She just wanted to go home and continue to slowly die from the inside out.

After she was treated, Ajay was taken back home by one of her family's trusted drivers. It was not at all how she had planned for the day to go. In fact, the day was pretty much gone as night bled into the skyline by the time she made it home. She desperately wanted the day, and maybe even her life, to be over with already but her night was just beginning.