Season 5 - Episode 13 - after 'White Lies Part 3"

September, 2016

She held his hand as he slept in the uncomfortable hospital bed he hasn't stopped complaining about for two days. The clock read 3:33 a.m., so she knew that it was 3:13 a.m. It'd been off twenty minutes for two days. She guessed fixing it shouldn't be one of the staff's top priorities. Rusty tried to fix it, Ricky and Provenza together, but nothing worked and they all just didn't care anymore.

Andy had a heart attack. He went down in front of her, in front of their whole team… Luckily, everyone leapt into action and he made it through.

She looked over his face, remembering his fearful expression during and could not stop picturing it. She saw it almost every time she closed her eyes. He knew that he was about to die.

Helpless.

Scared.

Them both thinking during it, 'I'm not ready'.

But he didn't die. Doctor said it was not too major, but important to pretend it was.

She lightly drifted her fingers over his now, just looking at them, she smiled … she loved his hands. All she could think about now is living without him … and his face during … she hated thinking about it. She didn't know what else to do … what else he could do … he ate as healthy as possible, exercised as much as he should, sort of … but the stress of their job, the stress that he puts on himself in all aspects of his life, same for her … she just can't fix. He couldn't just tell himself not to care … not to worry … not to stress. And then of course, trying not to stress would add more stress and she just couldn't think about it anymore. She was losing it.

Three nights in the hospital, he could probably go home tomorrow. Or rather, later today… things would be better once they were home. She'd sleep, for one.

She hadn't slept, not really. She'd tried, succeeded for about two hours at a time.

Nicole, Emily, Ricky, and Rusty were here often, and everyone on the team stopped by, but Sharon wouldn't leave. She couldn't. Hadn't been home. Hadn't gone to work. Singularly focused on him and she didn't feel guilty. She felt tired, scared, hungry …

The kids tried to send her home, even demanded at one point, which made her smile to remember how cute they were in thinking that would work.

His fingers started moving with hers, she met his eyes.

"Hi," He smiled, sleep still having a hold on him.

She just smiled back.

"You're so beautiful, babe."

She would miss that.

"You're exhausted, Sharon. You're thinking too much, probably about things that you have absolutely no control over and you're so fucking beautiful." He lifted his fingers to run through her hair.

"I slept a bit."

"Liar," He grinned. "Need some distracting?"

She hummed and moved to sit on the bed next to him. He needed sleep. She started running her hand slowly through his hair. He closed his eyes immediately.

"You are a witch."

"Sleep, I love you."

She moved over after a while to the other uncomfortable hospital bed that she lucked out on being in here and hoped to just pass out.

She ended up just looking over to him. She wasn't really even trying to sleep, which reminded her of when Phillip Stroh escaped. She smiled, never thinking that remembering then would ever make her smile, but of course, it was him. She smiled as he started snoring lightly. Andy made everything better.

Season 3 - Episode 19 - a week after 'Special Master Part 2'

January 18, 2015

'You awake?' She knew that he silenced his text notifications when asleep, but not the ringer because of work … it had been a week since Stroh escaped. She'd slept only a few hours. He seemed to be up at all hours of the night, too.

'Yep. You ok?'

'Can't sleep'

'Working on a case?'

'No, watching Hoarders.'

'You'll be cleaning all day tomorrow.'

'Not if I'm this tired.'

'Your place is spotless. Did you try to sleep?' Andy knew that it would be an insulting question normally, but he knew her. She most definitely didn't even try.

'No'

'Go try …'

'No' She didn't want to sleep.

'Okay. Wanna talk?'

She called.

"Morning." He looked at his clock, 2:28 a.m. This week, he made sure to turn on all notifications because of her. He didn't want to miss any moment.

"I'm not often scared in my own home." She sighed. "I'm not usually on edge like this … every single day, night … nothing distracts me …"

"I know." He'd offered his place for a while, but she and Rusty had to live in their condo. He often tried to distract her thoughts in these late night chats, but was usually unsuccessful.

"I'm fine at work … Rusty's at school, but protected … but here …"

"You're good with a gun, Sharon." Andy grinned. She eyed her gun by the lamp.

"Hmm, not if I'm asleep."

"I wish you'd get some officers for your hallway at least … for a week or so … catch up on sleep."

She just breathed in.

They were quiet for a while.

"What if we don't find him, Andy?"

"We will."

She shook her head.

"Hey?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you and Rusty please come stay here for a few nights? Or let me crash on your couch so you can sleep?"

"Hmmm."

"Think about it. I wouldn't mind at all. Could watch Hoarders in the same room."

"Nah, tired of it, I think."

He smiled. "What else do you have in mind, then?"

"We'll find something … what's your favorite movie of all time?"

His favorite part of his day was after two in the morning. This week, anyway. She texted night one and they talked for three hours, watched a movie. Night two was four hours. Night three, four again. He lost count of how many shows they'd started. He felt as if he were keeping her up, but she brushed that off. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep.

After the first few moments of speaking on Stroh, they'd start talking about anything and everything. He'd already felt like he'd known everything about her, but was very wrong. He also really focused on distracting her. Trying to be positive… and silly.

He wished he could help her sleep, though.

A little. He felt guilty.

He loved this.

Her.

Season 4 - Episode 9 - after 'Wish You Were Here'

August 2 & 3, 2015

'You there yet?' Andy texted her.

'Almost. Rusty's driving. Cross fingers!'

'Ha and toes' He quickly sent 'Love You'

'Love YOU' Sharon sent and also attached an obscene amount of different heart emojis.

He just sent a smiley face and a kiss face.

'Call you a bit after we get there.'

'Can't wait'

She smiled and looked out the window for a while as Rusty drove, surprisingly doing a good job.

A few days away would do her some good. It would do Andy good. It would all of them. She needed alone time with Ricky, she needed Ricky to spend time with Rusty, she needed to be away from Andy. Not wanted … needed.

She wanted to scold herself for falling so hard for him … so quickly, though it wasn't 'quickly' if you ask anyone else. She was still embarrassed a little at how much she wanted and basically craved him. She wanted him at least next to her … all the time. Every second. It bothered her, yet she loved it. She didn't need a man. She did want him. He made her feel things that she never thought she'd feel again. He made her feel things she'd never felt before. He made her act in a way that her independent, feminist nature felt like kicking in to chastise her … she didn't think, well, she hadn't thought it was healthy to be attached and dependent on someone like this, but this felt everything but unhealthy.

She had to remind herself, though, that it was so new, still … their intimate relationship, well, sex. It was new, not even a month yet, and it was good. She blushed, shaking the thoughts away, or at least trying to. It was very good. She never would have imagined having the best sex of her life at her age, but it took her that long to find someone who rarely was selfish in bed. She had toys and products that helped some when they needed, and he seemed to have a lot of fun learning and trying out new things, but just being in bed with him … just everything other than actual sex … was just as good. She felt like a teenager, making out, or 'necking', she smiled, the teasing, learning each other … him slowly … excruciatingly slowly … trying to map her entire body, he had to have memorized everything about her by now, kissing every inch, her legs were his latest obsession … 'stop Sharon' she told herself.

Actual intimacy, though, they'd had for a while. Over the years, they'd technically shared many intimate conversations … and hugs … she smiled, missing him more. She shook her head again to stop the daydreaming.

She looked forward to the road now, at the next sign, to see where they were. Almost there. She squeezed her phone.

"I'm very glad you came with me." She said to Rusty.

"I'm excited a little," Rusty responded. "Nervous."

"I don't want you to be nervous, but I understand. You don't have anything to be nervous about, though."

"Ricky doesn't like me."

"He does, Rusty."

Silence.

"He definitely likes you, I promise, but Ricky is … hmmmm, well, he's got trust issues, you understand that … he was worried about me and Jack didn't help. Ricky just … needed to get to know you better." She leaned her head back on the headrest and looked at him. "You are easy to like, Rusty … Emily loves you, right?"

He nodded. "Yes, and I know that she's the one that I really needed to win over."

"Hmmm," she agreed and grinned to him. "You won her over quickly."

"She's been awesome, I mean like, really there for me, you know?"

Sharon nodded. "You will always have her for that."

He smiled a bit, never really having that before Sharon and her kids. He was her kid now. Has been for a while. He looked over to her for a short moment and then back to the road. "I love you, Sharon."

Her heart skipped a beat and she smiled brightly to him. "Oh, I love you so much, Rusty," she reached over and squeezed his forearm. "I'm so proud of you."

"For what?"

"Just everything. School, chess, your improved driving," They both laughed, "... you finding Gus, supporting him and working to find Paloma."

"That would be your boyfriend's job …"

"Hmmm," she smiled again, "and he will."

"Did he tell you about today?"

"Not yet. Gonna call him later."

"He may uh … may tell you about something I said."

"Oh?"

"I just, I mean, he promised to find Paloma, or try his hardest, said he could be trusted … and I talked to him about that … you know, police lie all the time to witnesses and criminals and well … everyone …"

"Mmmm," she warned.

"... and he can't do that this time. I just kinda warned him about that."

She nodded. She couldn't wait to hear Andy's side of that conversation.

"Putting your trust in someone can be scary … letting people in, but sometimes … I'd like to think most of the time, it's worth it. Even if that person breaks that trust and just devastates you … you at least learn something from it."

Rusty nodded, never really having thought of it that way. "Well, I've learned a hell of a lot in my life, then."

She looked over with a sad smile.

"I like him. You know? Andy."

She continued to nod.

"It's weird calling him that. I like you and him together, I think."

"You think?"

"Well, I know," he smiled, "I do like you together, but I don't … want to be in the way."

"You're never in the way."

He gave her a look.

"Watch the road," she warned.

He grunted and moved his eyes to the road. "You know Andy feels different, I'm sure."

She looked to her phone. "Andy will get through it. If you are 'in the way' as you say, then he needs to maneuver around you and stand to the side … because you are number one, Rusty. You, Em, and Ricky. You know that, right?"

He nodded, but stayed silent. He'd never been anyone's number one anything until her.

"What's wrong?!"

"Hi, Emily."

"Hey, Andy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I miss your Mom."

"Join the club."

He smiled.

"So it's my job to distract you and help you through it when she goes off for a few days?"

"Yes?"

Emily laughed and looked at the time. "She left five hours ago, Andy."

"Hey, I'm not proud of it … what are you doing?"

Emily sighed and sat on her couch. "Talking to you, I guess."

He smiled.

He watched his mom closely. Last night and today. She wasn't different, but distracted with her phone … well, with Andy. She had it bad, he grinned at her folding his clothes on the couch, clicking on her phone often and smiling to herself.

She cleaned. Everything. It's just what she did every time she came to visit.

He told her that he'd just cleaned the entire apartment, but that never mattered. He shouldn't have even bothered, but if she had seen what this place looked like three days ago, he worried that she'd stay for a week to scrub it all down. He looked at her again. Maybe she wouldn't have now that she was fixated on the boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

She'd never had a 'boyfriend' in his lifetime, well … he knew about a few guys she'd 'dated' … but she never called them her 'boyfriend'. Still didn't call Andy that, yet, but Ricky knew. He also spoke with Andy often, and he knew that the man was smitten. He very much approved of Andy and when she told him that they were finally dating, Ricky was relieved.

Andy loves her and Ricky has known that longer than she has. He hadn't always been a great guy, but he was sober … and he wanted his kids in his life … and he was funny, and helped out with personal issues much more than Ricky would have ever thought he needed help with. He also helped his mom, Ricky easily noticed … she was happier, calmer, and a little distracted, but Ricky liked it.

"So, Rusty," he looked to his little brother, a phrase he had to very much still get used to, "Is Mom like this at home all the time? Attached to her phone, or to Andy … through the phone or in person?"

"Ha, and no … she's never home."

"Hey!" Sharon had to defend herself. "I'm at work most of that time!" She sent a quick text.

"You're like how Emmy was with what's his face in high school, Raul? Yeah, I don't think she talked to me for a month or two … just Rauuuul on the friggin' phone, couldn't even watch t.v. when she was in there," he looked to Rusty, "We didn't have cell phones then."

"Awww, Raul was a sweetheart …" Sharon remembered, "and don't say 'friggin'."

"She broke that sweet heart," Ricky laughed.

Sharon sent a glare, "Not funny. I wonder what he ended up doing …" her phone lit up with a text.

Ricky watched her just completely forget that they were in the middle of a conversation, back to the boyfriend. He would've maybe been hurt by this before, but now he just smiled, rolled his eyes, and went back to playing a video game with Rusty.

He couldn't be mad. She was just so … happy.