Chapter 14: Abandon all hope
Uryu was sitting in class, pretending to watch the teacher in front, while his mind drifted elsewhere, urged on by the soft pitter-patter sounds of the cold November rain. It was almost lunchtime, and his stomach clenched in anticipation, but there was nothing he could do about that. He just swallowed hard and decided to go drink some water during the break.
During and after his suspension, he had spent most of his time on mundane things, like selling off his unused and eerily quiet smartphone at the pawn shop, trying to fix his shoes a little with strong yarn and a leather needle, and by his everlasting quest to find employment. That latter part had become impossible, as he'd suspected. Nobody wanted to hire someone with such a haggard appearance, looking like a beggar, much to his chagrin. He saw his hopes of ever finding a job dwindling by the day. As did his finances…
Uryu found the clock in front of the class , and tried to focus on the time for a moment, sighing heavily. Something as simple as that had now become a problem due to his broken glasses. He'd noticed that stares of peers and teachers had become even more prominent. Ochi-sensei, his homeroom teacher, had taken a good look at him and sighed in exasperation, but she hadn't scolded him in front of the class again. Her reaction had made Uryu feel worthless all the same…
Ever since the fight with Keigo, homophobic notes started appearing in his shoe locker every day. Gay freak, cocksucker, faggot, or even threats like 'We're coming for you', 'You'll have it coming, freak', 'You'll pay', 'We're watching you'.
Unfortunately, the bullying at school had become even worse. Keigo had definitely spread even more incredulous rumors about him, claiming Uryu had beat him up for no reason, among other things. Peers he didn't even know would just randomly shove him around, try to make him trip, and so on. Of course, the never ending taunts and jeers were now omnipresent during the day.
He tried not to let it get to him, but it did.
He tried to put on fake bravado again, like coating himself in a layer of ice-cold veneer, just to be able to face everything, but at night, he felt so very lonely and abandoned. The hunger and the difficult living circumstances were really getting to him as well.
Uryu had given up on asking Ichigo or Sado if he could stay over after that last incident. It was beyond hope to keep clinging to the illusion that they'd help him out in the end. They refused to listen to him, it was pointless to keep trying only to have his hopes shattered again at every time he tried to reach out. Moreover, he'd grown tired of the way they had been treating him. It had been a heartbreaking realization, but he could no longer have faith in their friendship. It gnawed at him each passing day, but apparently, the bond he had believed in was built on nothing. It seemed they now resented him and had abandoned him to a cruel fate when he needed them the most. That knowledge eroded his self-worth and his self-esteem had taken a major blow. He was but a shadow of the proud Quincy he'd once been.
Orihime would throw him a sad smile when their gazes met, and he would do the same. He knew she was caught up in the crossfire between him and her boyfriend, and he understood why she had told him to keep his distance for a while, but it didn't make the hurt any less.
Uryu no longer knew what would become of him, and his already restless sleep was frequently interrupted by these dark thoughts. He felt utterly alone and began questioning his existence. Was there even a way out for trash like him? With each passing day his situation seemed bleaker. The weight of isolation, the burden of carrying his troubles alone, was crushing him.
At this moment, he felt like the world had turned against him…
Then, at last, the chime rang and a lot of commotion erupted from all around him. Students took out their bento's and started to gather together. Uryu stood up, and as he did, his gaze crossed Ichigo's, who instantly gave him an angry glare. Taking an exasperated sigh, the Quincy did the same in return. The situation between them felt utterly hopeless. It tugged at his heart, realizing that his naive feelings for the Substitute only brought him sorrow. Ichigo despised him, and he had to accept that painful reality... but it was incredibly difficult.
On another sigh Uryu walked outside the classroom, while trying to ignore the angry look Sado gave him as he passed by, as well as the taunts that were thrown his way. He just wanted to find a secluded corner, a quiet refuge where he could sit and gather his thoughts without unwanted disturbances. The overpowering scent of everyone's lunches only intensified the queasiness in his stomach, making him yearn for a moment of respite from it all.
As he walked through the school corridors, the Quincy's mind began to wander, and unwillingly, memories surfaced of a time where Ichigo had been nice towards him…
Uryu was in the midst of preparing dinner when the door to his bathroom swung open, revealing a freshly bathed Ichigo. He stood there, wearing a soft linen pajamas, towel-drying his hair, emanating a warm and relaxed aura that caused a smirk to play on Uryu's lips.
"That felt amazing," Ichigo exclaimed, catching Uryu's amused gaze.
"Yeah, I can tell," Uryu chuckled. "You look squeaky clean as well."
"Thanks to your soap, I smell amazing too," the Substitute grinned.
Uryu froze in his tracks, a blush spreading across his pale face. "S-so... you like my scent?" he blurted out, his voice filled with a mix of surprise and uncertainty.
"Sure," Ichigo replied, moving closer towards him. "That soap smells divine." Only now catching on to the crimson looking Quincy, Ichigo realized the unspoken implications and started stammering, "O-oh, uum, I mean… yeah, sure, you always smell nice, and… b-but…"
Their eyes locked, and they both studied the other's blushing faces for a charged moment. However, a smile slowly curved Uryu's lips, and he chuckled. Ichigo let out a long exhale before joining in on the laughter.
Then, Ichigo closed the distance between them and gently wiped the fringe out of Uryu's face, which only made Uryu blush even more. "Your turn," he said, his smile causing the Quincy's heart to flutter on a soft gasp. Had Ichigo just thrown him an invitation? With delicate and tender fingers, Uryu cupped Ichigo's face, their eyes locked in unspoken sentiments. Ichigo attempted to explain, "To take a bath. I meant to take a-" But Uryu didn't respond, captivated by the depth of Ichigo's rich brown eyes. His heart pounded, warmth radiating from his chest.
Ichigo had helped him so much after they escaped Szayelaporro's clutches. Those first few days, he'd been a real lifeline, helping him with the stupidest things like grocery shopping and sleeping without the lights. He'd been an immense source of support, and Uryu was certain he'd never gotten this far without him. Ever since that first day the Substitute had stayed over at his apartment, Uryu had made small but significant strides toward healing. Even if it would need a lot of time for him to heal, he was grateful for all the little progresses he'd managed under the Substitute's care.
Even after everything that had happened between them recently, Ichigo managed to make him happy. Ichigo could pierce his nightmares and fears, just by being close to him.
Filled with determination and a heart overflowing with gratitude, Uryu stepped forward and softly brought their mouths together. Ichigo momentarily tensed, caught off guard, but as he must have seen the affection in Uryu's eyes, a visible reflection of how the Quincy felt in that moment, he let out a chuckle and carefully returned the kiss.
"Thank you… Ichigo," Uryu murmured, their faces flushed, after they parted for breath. His heart was pounding and he just wanted to wrap his arms around the Substitute and never let him go. "For doing this for me. F-for caring-"
Apparently taken aback by what he was about to say, Ichigo quickly shushed him by placing a finger over his mouth. "Shhh, Uryu. It's alright. I've already told you so."
"Y-yes but…"
"I'm here because I want to be, Uryu. Because you need me." With those words, he felt the Substitute draw him into a warm embrace, one that Uryu didn't resist at all but instead basked in, cherishing the tenderness bestowed upon him.
Sighing with deep regret, Uryu attempted to suppress those memories, knowing that Ichigo's words now carried an entirely different weight. 'Because you need me'. It made his chest clench violently while he bit his lip, trying to not let the sorrow of how Ichigo had deceived him resurface. He needed to stop dwelling on those memories. It had all been a charade that had hurt him profoundly. It was evident that Ichigo didn't want him and never would.
He pushed his damaged glasses up with another deep sigh and descended the stairs in search for a quiet spot. Lost in his thoughts, he failed to notice the snickering behind him. Suddenly, somebody forcefully shoved him, and with a startled yelp, Uryu lost his balance, tumbling down the remaining steps and landing on his belly. Laughter erupted from behind, but Uryu was too shocked to utter a word. Groaning, he tried to assess his surroundings, but his vision was blurred due to his damaged glasses. There was movement around him, yet the students present simply ignored him, refraining from offering any assistance. The indifference stung. He was a gay abomination after all…
While he tried to push himself off the ground, a sharp sting spread from one of his knees, causing him to groan again. He managed to get into a sitting position and wanted to shout something at the bullies who had pushed him, but found that they were already gone.
Uryu rolled up the pants of his uniform to look at the damage, only to find his right knee bruised and bleeding from the impact. Just what he needed—a new addition of stains to his already criticized school uniform. He quickly retrieved his handkerchief and put pressure to the wound, hoping to stop the bleeding. As he sighed in exasperation, deciding where to go, a voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Ishida-san? Are you alright?"
The Quincy looked up and saw the school nurse, Sato Haruto, standing before him. "Oh, umm… Hi, Sato-san," he stammered, a bit surprised.
"I was on my way to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, but…" without further notice, the friendly nurse helped him onto his feet, "let's pass by my office first and get you cleaned up, huh?"
Uryu hesitated. It hadn't been his intention to seek help for something as marginal as a bleeding knee... "Thank you, Sato-san, but that won't be necessary-"
"Oh, nonsense, young man," Sato-san interjected, not accepting any refusals. He supported Uryu as he got back on his feet. "That's what I'm here for, after all. Can you walk?"
"Yes, sir, it's not that big a deal."
The infirmary was indeed in the same hallway, just a few doors down. Uryu hadn't considered that earlier as he hurried through the corridors, lost in his thoughts.
Sato gestured for him to sit down on the bed, and Uryu complied, gingerly taking a seat. The room was well-lit, with ample daylight streaming in through the windows. As the light illuminated his face, the nurse's eyes widened in shock, causing him to gasp audibly. It was evident that he had noticed the array of multicolored bruises that now marred Uryu's pale features.
Uryu lowered his gaze, suddenly feeling self-conscious and exposed. The bruises served as visible reminders of the hardships he had faced, and he had hoped to keep them hidden, even from the caring gaze of Sato. The man was bound to ask questions.
"What happened, Ishida-san?"
"I… tripped and fell down the stairs," the Quincy answered, avoiding the man's questioning gaze.
Sato sighed. "Yes, I can believe you hurt your knee that way, but those bruises tell me a different story." He grasped Uryu's chin and moved his head around to get a good look at them, then hissed at the most prominent mark that had been only a hair's breath away from becoming a black eye. "How did you get these nasty bruises Ishida-san? And what happened to your glasses?"
Uryu remained quiet, already anticipating what would come next, and took a long exhale. What was he going to tell the man? He was an experienced nurse and had probably seen many things. He didn't know if he could come up with a believable lie.
Sato sighed and took a seat in front of him. Uryu winced as the nurse gently applied disinfectant to the bloody gash on his knee. The man was assessing him, only making him hesitate even more.
"You're being bullied, aren't you, Ishida-san?" There was both empathy and concern in the nurse's voice and Uryu realized his silence must have given him away.
He looked up to meet Sato's eyes and felt his chest tighten as he tried explaining himself. "Thank you for your concern, but it's nothing I can't handle, Sato-san."
The nurse gave him a sad smile, a hint of his own personal experiences shining through. "This has been going on for a while, hasn't it?"
Uryu looked away again and pushed up his glasses. Was he see easy to see through? His hesitation must be clearly visible on his face, but he couldn't help it, even though Sato had already proven himself trustworthy. He took a deep exhale, before sharing, "All my life I… have always been classified as an unapproachable weirdo. It's nothing new, unfortunately." He met Sato's concerned gaze for a moment when the man started dressing his knee, making him wince in the process. "But these last few weeks, it's gotten a lot worse…"
"Do you know why they are picking on you, Ishida-san?"
Uryu's shoulders slouched as he took a quivering breath. Yes, he knew all too well. "It became worse after word got out that... because I-I'm..." He hesitated again, feeling his chest constrict, although he shouldn't have to feel this way. A surge of Quincy pride blossomed within his palpitating heart as he finally managed to say, "I'm in love with another boy."
There was nothing but empathy in Sato's eyes, and he gave Uryu's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I understand, Ishida-san. Thank you for opening up to me."
The Quincy made fists, feeling frustrated at remembering the taunts that were hollered his way on a daily basis, yet he also felt vulnerable at having shared something like this. He didn't know how to respond right now and just remained quiet. His life was so complicated, he couldn't possibly burden Sato with everything that had been going on. Judging from the ring on Sato's finger, he was married, and probably had kids. The man could give him advice right now, but he couldn't possibly ask for more help. He didn't dare to even bring it up…
"I understand your desire to handle it on your own, Ishida-san. However, sometimes it's important to seek help."
Uryu's gaze shifted, and he nodded quietly, unable to deny the truth in Sato's words. Yes, he had tried to reach out to his friends, but they hadn't even given him a chance to explain himself. Their actions had hurt him deeply, leaving him feeling abandoned, betrayed even. He wondered who else he could he ask for help. Carrying this burden alone was becoming increasingly difficult, but it seemed like he had no other choice.
"Can't your friends help you with this matter?" Sato asked, as he finished dressing Uryu's knee and adjusted his pants leg.
"No," Uryu sighed in defeat.
"Are they unaware of the situation?" the man probed further, "because maybe you should-"
"I don't have any friends," Uryu replied, his voice filled with resignation, while he hoped that harsh truth didn't come over melodramatic.
"But," Sato persisted, "what about that Kurosaki kid and his tall friend? The ones who brought you in here a few weeks ago. Surely, they are-"
"No," the Quincy interjected, a pang of hurt surging through him as he truthfully responded, "we're not friends anymore..." He lowered his gaze, aware that his sorrow was evident on his face, but he felt powerless to change that.
"Ishida-san…" the nurse sighed, the weight of the situation hanging in the air. Uryu could feel Sato's eyes on him, studying him, but he remained silent. He knew the nurse meant well, but he couldn't bring himself to share more details. It was too painful and complicated. Besides, Sato couldn't help him with his housing and financial issues. Opening up about his miserable life would be too difficult. As if the last time he'd trusted a stranger hadn't brought him enough heartbreak…
"I'll manage, Sato-san," Uryu responded after a painful silence. He knew he hadn't said that with conviction, but he had no other options.
Just as the nurse was about to reply, Uryu's empty stomach let out a loud growl, instantly silencing him and causing the Quincy's face to turn beet red.
Sato let out a soft laugh. "Don't be embarrassed, Ishida-san. It's lunchtime, after all. Were you on your way to the cafeteria as well?"
"O-oh..." Uryu averted his eyes and pushed up his glasses. "No, not really. I just wanted to sit down somewhere."
"But you don't have any... hmm." The man wore a thoughtful expression before carefully asking, "Did you forget your lunch again, Ishida-san?"
"Y-yes," he lied. "It's happened before in these last few weeks... I have my mind elsewhere."
Sato's eyes softened as he noticed Uryu's embarrassment and hunger. The man seemed to consider his next words carefully, while the archer fidgeted with his fingers.
"You know, Ishida-san, I was planning on grabbing something from the cafeteria myself," Sato said with a gentle smile. "It can get lonely eating alone, so how about we have lunch together? My treat."
Uryu's eyes widened in surprise, feeling a mix of gratitude and embarrassment. He hesitated for a moment, swallowing. "D-don't feel inclined, Sato-san. I'm the only one responsible for-" His stomach growled again, and he instinctively clenched his arms around it to make it shut up.
"You wouldn't let an old man have a solitary lunch, would you?" Sato sighed. "Ah... Another lonely lunch it is, then."
The nurse played it well, and Uryu licked his lips at the mere thought of food. His eyes locked with Sato's compassionate ones, and finally, his hunger won over his pride. With a shy smile, Uryu nodded. "In that case, how can I refuse? Thank you, Sato-san. I appreciate it."
Sato stood up from his chair and gestured for Uryu to follow. "Let's go, then. We need to hurry a bit so you won't be late for class. We can chat and enjoy a meal together." Then, he turned around and blinked at the Quincy. "And don't worry, you can choose the topic."
"Thanks," Uryu repeated, his spirits lifted for the rest of the day by the nurse's kindness, even though he realized the man had just confessed he knew there was more going on than he let on.
As lunch break came to an end, Uryu indulged in a katsu sando, a banana, and a carton of milk—probably the most food he had eaten in months. Sato squeezed his shoulder and said, "Take care, Ishida-san. And remember, if you ever need someone to talk to or any assistance, please don't hesitate to reach out to me."
Grateful and satiated for once, Uryu bowed to the friendly nurse, taking his advice to heart.
It was exceptionally cold for a November night and Uryu was shivering underneath his only blanket, teeth chattering. It had steadily gotten a little colder every night, but right now, it was barely above freezing point. He was wearing his winter jacket over his pajamas, as well as a sturdy jeans he didn't wear very often and a scarf and gloves. Just to keep warm.
What on earth was he going to do when it really did start freezing?
He was feeling forlorn right now, that thought pushing his mind in dark directions. How would he survive? There was nowhere to go. His body was getting weaker by the day and his finances had dwindled to almost nothing. What was he going to do?
Huddled on his cardboard cot, he whimpered as a gust of cold wind blew through the niche, causing him to clutch his blanket tightly around his shivering frame. The makeshift windscreen he had constructed using cardboard, branches, and fabric was flapping vigorously in the wind, and fearing that it might come loose again, Uryu rose to his feet to secure the cords more tightly.
He'd found some more cardboard and a large empty box, and had wanted to make another windscreen to cover the other entrance to the niche the following day, but that didn't make this night any more bearable. He should have done that sooner, but he had so much on his mind, and it had taken him a while to gather the necessary items.
Uryu huddled back beneath his meager blanket and tried to get some sleep, but the cold night air and the animal sounds kept him awake. It wasn't until the crack of dawn that his exhausted mind finally succumbed to some much-welcomed slumber.
Uryu was in deep sleep for once. Ichigo had wrapped his arms around him to keep him warm, and it hadn't taken him long to start drifting off, just listening to the other boy's heartbeat. The ordeals of their last few days in Szayelaporro's cell, and his poor physical state, had completely exhausted him. The wounds Ichigo had cauterized on his lower abdomen stung a lot, and he feared they would get infected, as did Ichigo.
Suddenly, Uryu vaguely heard a voice from far away, and then he felt Ichigo stir. He whimpered in protest, wanting to sleep for a while longer in those comforting arms, reveling in the Substitute's soothing warmth. But as Ichigo suddenly jolted upright, he started to wake up in the process.
"Fuck him raw and hard. Hurt him. Make him scream." Uryu recognized the voice of Szayelaporro.
"Yes, master," answered Ichigo without a touch of hesitation.
All at once, those words reached Uryu's brain and he made a frightful sound when the reality dawned upon him. Szayelaporro had used Black Velvet! His body was not fully awake yet, but he tried to will it into action. It was futile. Before he'd even managed to push himself into a sitting position, Ichigo was on top of him, giving him a sarcastic smirk.
Uryu froze, stress and fear paralyzing him. His body was still sore from their previous bout, not even a day ago. He wasn't up to this, but there was no way he could overpower Ichigo in his state…
Uryu's lower lip started to tremble as he stared up into Ichigo's dark, gleaming eyes, completely terrorized and petrified. Suddenly, Ichigo grabbed his glasses and swiftly tossed them aside. Uryu panicked and cried out, but was unable to move.
He felt utterly helpless as Ichigo gave him a dark grin and started shrugging his tailored slacks down without speaking a word. Uryu tried protesting with the few sounds he could make with his malfunctioning vocal chords, but he couldn't lift a finger.
The Quincy felt his mind short-circuit when Ichigo pinned his hands above his head. He pleaded by making broken sounds and begged with his sorrowful eyes. But the Substitute just ignored him, making Uryu swallow hard. The previous time Ichigo had slept with him had hurt him so much, both in body and mind. The Espada had commanded Ichigo to falsely declare his love for him, and he'd been so stupid to fall for such a low act, wanting to hear those words for real so badly…
Without any sign of compassion, Ichigo freed his erection and slicked it with spit before he lined up his hips, ignoring Uryu completely. The Quincy wanted to shout, wanted to break free of his hold, wanted to hold Ichigo until he was back to his normal self, but… a quivering breath escaped his lips, because he knew none of that was going to happen. The command was going to be seen through, and he was going to pay.
Uryu's mind filled with despair and his lower lip trembled from the fear of what was about to happen. All at once, he was jerked out of his dark thoughts when Ichigo used his free hand to violently punch him in the tender flesh of his badly injured abdomen. Uryu made a hoarse cry and arched up from the pain. At that precise moment, Ichigo ruthlessly shoved himself inside of him. Without any preparation.
Uryu shut his eyes and screamed a silent scream at the overwhelming, searing pain that jolted through his body. It was unbearable. It was beyond any pain he'd ever felt. His insides stung and bled and the torment made tears jump into his eyes.
'Ichigo, please…,' echoed through his mind, 'please, stop…'
And when Ichigo started thrusting into him like there was no tomorrow, forcefully hitting the wounds where his prostate had been removed, the only thing Uryu could do was scream stuttered screams over and over again -his damaged vocal chords didn't have any leeway to cope with the sounds that were forced out of him. Feeling helpless and forlorn, there was nothing else for the broken Quincy to do but to try to hold onto his sanity and breathe, while tears relentlessly spilled from his eyes.
The Substitute didn't speak a word this time around, but hovered so close above him because of the position they were in, that Uryu could see his face clearly. Ichigo threw him dark grins as he moaned, slamming into Uryu while still holding him prisoner by his wrists. It was obvious to the Quincy that Ichigo was concentrating on making the experience as painful as he could. As per his master's orders.
Why did it have to be like this? Uryu felt ashamed at hearing his own sounds, a distressed mix of sobs and high-pitched, stuttering wails, but he couldn't help it. He was so worthless, he couldn't do anything to stop this. How had that bastard of an Espada found out about his feelings for Ichigo? Because that had to be the reason why he would order him to do something like this…
As Ichigo's moans grew in urgency, he suddenly released the Quincy's wrists and wrapped his arms around him. Uryu's arms shook uncontrollably as he desperately attempted to move them, but he felt paralyzed, unable to halt Ichigo's actions, and his arms just fell lifelessly to his sides. The warmth of Ichigo's embrace pierced Uryu's heart like a thousand needles, as it brought him nothing but torment. He gazed into Ichigo's fierce eyes during his heated actions, and it did nothing but make tears roll over his cheeks. He loved that boy. Truly loved him. And each time Ichigo was coerced into these cruel, passionate charades by Szayelaporro, he felt a part of him die inside.
Suddenly, the Substitute held him tight and made a litany of low, guttural moans, as he rocked hard a few times more before holding still to ride out his climax, making the Quincy grunt from the blunt force of his bruising hands and the sting he felt in his insides. Ichigo 's intense eyes locked with his, and Uryu felt his heart break. He now possessed the most intimate knowledge of the boy he loved during his most passionate moment, having been subjected to it several times already, while knowing that he would never be his. Knowing that he didn't gain that knowledge through mutual affection.
Ichigo sank down on top of him and buried his face in the crook of his shoulder while regaining his breath, making Uryu feel utterly lost, while more tears fell from his eyes on a quivering sob. He wanted so much for the Substitute to hold him in genuine adoration, it hurt so much.
He didn't get any time to lament his own fate, as Szayelaporro gave the next command.
"Very good, my pet. Stand up."
"Yes, master."
Pulling out harshly, Ichigo jumped back up, causing Uryu to moan in searing pain. His eyes unfocussed as he attempted to catch a glimpse of the Espada on screen, and he just lay there, breathing heavily, feeling wetness trail down his inner thighs.
"Now, you've been very enthusiastic this round, so I'm sure you've managed to make his insides bleed quite a bit," Szayelaporro purred, "but your alter ego won't appreciate that, though. So I need you to clean yourself up, and the Quincy, so he won't suspect anything."
"Yes, master."
Uryu just laid there, dazed and shaken, his body trembling as he struggled to catch his breath and tried to block the searing pain coming from inside of him, as well as the overwhelming sting coming from his tender abdominal wounds.
Suddenly, the mind-controlled Ichigo loomed over him, a dark smile on his face. He harshly began wiping the blood from Uryu's legs with toilet paper, disposing of the evidence by flushing it away. He proceeded to tidy up Uryu's slacks, making him look presentable once again. He even wiped away the tears that stained Uryu's cheeks.
And Uryu could do nothing. Absolutely nothing. He felt devastated, wondering how long he could endure this torment.
"Now, my pet, go back to sleep. It probably won't take all that long for Kurosaki Ichigo to wake up again. His reaction will be hilarious."
"Yes, master."
And Ichigo obeyed. Uryu couldn't see him clearly without his glasses, but his focus had shifted away from Ichigo. His mind was eclipsing from the traumatic experience, yet the intense pain prevented him from slipping into unconsciousness. So, he just lay there, staring at the ceiling, consumed by despair.
He had no idea how long he'd laid there like that, but all of a sudden Ichigo's concerned voice shattered the heavy silence in the cell.
"Uryu? Are you okay?" Ichigo hovered over him and Uryu could hear him gasp, but he wasn't ready to look him in the eyes, nor acknowledge him.
That day Ichigo had cauterized his severely bleeding abdominal wounds, that day he had broken down in front of him, he had made the vow to protect him. He'd succeeded at keeping all the horrors that Szayelaporro had put him through a secret from the boy he loved. Because he knew a hero like Ichigo would take something like this really hard. But right now… Uryu felt like breaking. It was so hard on him. He gave it his all to shield Ichigo from all of this, but he didn't know how long this kind of torture would go on, nor if he would be strong enough to cope with all of this on his own.
"Did you have a nightmare again?" The Substitute asked, and Uryu felt him caress his cheek, but remained unresponsive.
This was cruel. So cruel. To have Ichigo violently rape him, then comfort him. It was heartbreaking.
Szayelaporro knew exactly what he was doing, involving the both of them in his sick games. Ichigo would be devastated if he found out about this, while Uryu knew he had to steel his heart and be strong for both of their sakes.
Then, Ichigo said something powerful enough to shatter his defenses.
"I know you're in a lot of pain, and I know this place is hell, but… please, don't give up, Uryu. I'll help you through this."
Those words pierced Uryu's heart and his faith in himself started to crumble. Would he be able to honor the promise he made? Right now, he couldn't take it anymore, it was so hard to bear. Tears starting falling from his eyes once more and he heard the Substitute gasp in response. He knew Ichigo was completely innocent in this, and he didn't blame him, but this was just so fucked up.
'Damn you, Szayelaporro!'
Then, he felt how Ichigo pulled him up into a sitting position and wrapped his arms around him. Uryu started sobbing relentlessly. He knew he needed to try to find his courage again, for he was a Quincy after all, but right now, he was just going to cut himself some slack and indulge in whatever comfort his beloved Substitute bestowed upon him.
"It's okay," Ichigo whispered, tightening their embrace as he gently cradled him and whispered soft nothings in his ear. Ichigo was patient, and let him cry for as long as he needed, safely wrapped in his arms.
"Please, don't give up, Uryu. For me. I'm with you."
At that, Uryu finally lifted his arms to hug him back, clinging to Ichigo with desperation.
No. He absolutely had to stay loyal to his vow. An honorable, protective soul like Kurosaki Ichigo had to remain in the dark of what had truly happened here…
He had to be strong and overcome this. He had to…
Uryu's eyes flew open on a startled shout. He was breathing heavily, while his heart raced. Where was he? What had happened? He moaned and blinked a few times, feeling dizzy and not yet completely awake. Apparently, he'd turned onto his belly during his sleep and groaned as he lifted his head. When his sight became less blurry, he realized he was looking directly at the windscreen he'd made. Ah yes, he was in the niche under the bridge, having been granted a new day in his fucked up life.
Reaching for his glasses, he did not know what time it was right now, but judging from the daylight that fell inside the niche it had to be past noon. He groaned again, and tried to wipe the sweat from his brow after he'd removed his scarf and mittens. The temperature was much better now and he was sweating thanks to his nightmare.
Uryu wanted to roll onto his side, but then he realized his lower back was being pinned down by something.
Panic shot through him and he made a startled sound. Someone was on top of him, he was sure of it. His heart started thundering in his chest and he couldn't utter a word, but he needed to know. Very slowly, he lifted his head and tried to peek across his shoulder, fearing whatever was straddling him.
"Mew…"
On his lower back laid a pretty, orange striped cat, looking at him with its green eyes. Probably looking for warmth and shelter.
Relief flooded through Uryu as he was completely taken aback by the beautiful creature. It couldn't undo the panic that was already spreading, though, but the knowledge it was just a cat stopped new panic from being released.
Tears welled up in his eyes and started rolling down his cheeks as his whole body shivered from the mix of emotions. The relief that washed over the Quincy was overwhelming, realizing that it was just a cat. A few sobs broke free when he understood there was no danger, before he found the strength to smile through the tears, all the while looking at the animal, which seemed to be interested in him as well.
How weak he had become to be terrified of an endearing animal like a cat… Yes, it was ridiculous, but he just gave himself a break. After reliving the intensity of that horrendous nightmare, he was entitled to feel the way he did.
Uryu tried to wipe his tears away, and it was clear the feline didn't like it when he stirred, but he had to get up at some point as nature was calling.
"H-hey there," Uryu tried talking to the animal. "You were cold, too, huh?" The cat meowed in return. "Yeah, I know, it was awful outside," he continued, sharing a moment of understanding. As he shifted his position, the cat jumped away. "Sorry," Uryu apologized, "but I really should get out of my sweaty clothes." The animal mewled once more, and as he stood up, it approached, brushing against his legs, eliciting a gentle smile from Uryu.
He proceeded to go about his business, before drinking some much welcomed water. The cat kept staring at him. "I'm sorry," he continued while trying to pet it, "you must be hungry, but… " With a deep sigh, he looked at the cracker in his hands. "I am starving myself." The feline curled up on his makeshift bed again and started purring, which drew another soft smile from the Quincy.
Uryu felt sweaty and disgusting underneath his pajamas and really needed to freshen up and change. How he welcomed a bath right now, but that only made him sigh in regret. He had only planned to make a fire the following evening, and that would take much too long right now.
Stepping away from his cardboard cot, the Quincy hung his jacket over his laundry line to air it. Then, he started stripping his upper body. A cold gust of wind blew through the niche and made the fallen leaves under the bridge rustle. Uryu shivered, it wasn't as cold as it had been during the night, but the fresh November air was anything but warm. And it certainly wasn't a good time to be outside half naked. He dampened a small towel and began to freshen up his arms, chest and face.
Suddenly, Uryu heard the sound of voices coming from upstream, gradually growing louder as they approached. It was likely a group of hikers or passersby strolling along the trail next to the river. Their cheerful and animated chatter filled the air. This wasn't the first time he'd encountered a situation like this, and so he didn't let it bother him. As long as the hikers didn't find the niche, there was nothing to be alarmed about.
"Please, don't give up, Uryu. For me. I'm with you."
He sighed deeply when Ichigo's voice echoed through his mind. The memories that had attacked him this night had left him shaken up enough to have him cry over a cat. Ever since Ichigo had cut him off, his nightmares had steadily gotten worse. He had no one to talk to and knew he didn't have a choice but to face whatever was coming by himself. However, the constant bad sleep exhausted him and the lack of food was even worse. He'd been losing weight for some time now, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Uryu toweled down his upper body before shrugging out of his pajama pants. He dampened the small towel again and started cleaning his legs. His pajamas would have to be washed at the next opportunity when he could make a fire, so he tossed them in the plastic bag he used for his dirty laundry. Then, he pulled his boxer-briefs down to further clean himself. The cat meowed as he was doing just that, and Uryu blushed when he realized it was watching him up-close. He couldn't tell whether the creature was a male or a female.
"Do you mind?" he asked the ginger feline, gesturing that it was a private moment really. The cat was obviously content by just sitting there, watching him with its big green eyes and made the Quincy chuckle when he got a purr in return.
As he quickly started toweling himself down, his attention was drawn back to the voices he'd heard before and he noticed they were now close-by, probably coming from under the bridge. Had he taken so long to get clean or were those hikers just fast? Uryu's movements halted as he focused intently on the sounds, his curiosity piqued. The voices seemed strangely familiar, almost resembling the distinct tones off…
No, that couldn't be. It couldn't be them. Right? What would they be doing here? Very carefully, he took a peek outside his hideout, hoping he got it all wrong. Unfortunately, he wasn't…
It was Ichigo and Orihime!
Crap! What were they doing here?
Okay, it was Saturday, and they were a couple, and they could do whatever they wanted, but still… He couldn't really picture them going for lengthy walks like this, holding hands and happily chatting away.
"Oh, come on, Ichigo," Orihime giggled, "that can't be true."
"And yet, it is," the Substitute smiled. "That was way before-"
Shivering, Uryu retreated back into his niche. He knew that eavesdropping on their conversation would only bring him sadness. And he'd been standing here, butt naked, for far too long. He could vividly imagine the accusations Ichigo would hurl abuse at him if he caught him now — calling him a pervert, a stalker, for starters, and Uryu'd had it with that. He could consider revealing his hideout to them, explaining that he had been living there for months, but… the thought that Ichigo would extend a helping hand to him after everything that had happened, or that Orihime would be allowed to help him, was beyond hope. It was simply not going to happen… and in the end, he would only end up getting hurt again.
He held onto his remaining shreds of Quincy pride, refraining from revealing his desperate situation to them now.
He quickly put on fresh boxers, and started rummaging through the cardboard box that was now a makeshift storage for his fresh clothes. At first, he'd stored them inside his large pack, but the wrinkles were less visible since he started keeping his clothes in a box. When he'd picked a t-shirt, he suddenly heard:
"What do you think is up there?"
"Let's go find out," Ichigo answered.
Oh god! They were really coming to the niche! What was he supposed to do now? He was only wearing boxers! Physically exhausted and emotionally drained from that horrible nightmare, the thought to take on Ichigo was horrifying. He wouldn't stand a chance in another confrontation. He desperately searched for a solution, but his mind drew a blank.
Panicking, Uryu hastily slipped the t-shirt over his shivering body and grabbed the blanket on his makeshift bed to keep warm. His is mind raced as he grabbed the large cardboard box he had brought earlier, intending to use it as an additional windshield. Without thinking any further, he crouched down at the far end of his shelter, making the orange cat hiss from the sudden commotion, put the box over his frame and made himself small. Just in the nick of time…
"Wow!" came the astonished exclamation of Orihime. "Look at all this stuff in here."
"Yeah, it's crazy," Ichigo chuckled.
Uryu's heart pounded in his chest and he knew he had to calm down or they would hear him. Very quietly, he wrapped his arms around himself and focused on his breathing. There were a few tiny holes inside the box that gave him some light, and air. He heard the couple proceed to step inside his hideout.
"Who do you think lives here?" asked Orihime.
Ichigo scoffed. "Some poor, unlucky bastard."
Yeah, they had no idea…
"Hey, kitty, kitty," Orihime approached the cat, followed by her boyfriend, but the animal probably didn't like all the sudden ruckus and hissed at them.
Uryu peeked through one of the little holes in the box, just in time to see his ginger friend dash out of the niche. He could only hope the two of them wouldn't recognize any of his stuff.
"How can the person that lives here even wash himself or cook?" Ichigo contemplated, while using his foot to move some of the items that Uryu had stored as neatly as he could.
"You know, Ichigo," Orihime said softly, "I think it's kinda romantic to live like this. Gazing up at the stars every evening, eating dinner at a campfire."
Uryu almost choked at that. Yeah, it was amazing to live under a bridge. Especially when you really needed to use the toilet in the middle of a bitterly cold night.
"Do you now?" Ichigo responded, as he approached Orihime and casually wrapped his arms around her waist. Uryu watched this scene unfold through the hole.
"I do," she chuckled. "Maybe we should go camping or something, so we can try it out."
"And, share a tent," Ichigo purred.
"Oh… Ichigo…" she murmured while a healthy blush spread over her face.
Oh my god. Uryu was going to get sick if they continued like this. Unfortunately, their lovey-dovey moment wasn't over. The Quincy could prevent his startled gasp to blow his cover in the nick of time by covering his mouth, when he watched Ichigo interlace their fingers in one hand, and draw her close with the other. They gazed into each other's eyes before their lips met in a gentle kiss.
Uryu looked away. He didn't want to be spying on them, but he was left with little choice. Clad in only his boxers and a t-shirt, he shivered from the crisp air, even with his blanket wrapped around him.
'Please, go away,' he prayed.
When neither of the two intruders said anything for a few moments, Uryu cautiously peeked through one of the holes again and found them entangled in a deep, sensual kiss. Their arms wrapped around each other, mouths crashing together and eyes closed. Suddenly, Orihime made a content hum, and Ichigo chuckled in return, not breaking the kiss.
Uryu's heart sank. This was a nightmare! He couldn't believe what was happening right in front of him. Ichigo and Orihime were mere meters away from him, deeply enrapt in each other. The sight only added to hurtful deceit Ichigo had put him through, as the boy sure as hell hadn't tried to kiss him like that. No, kissing him had just been a dirty ploy, a tactic Ichigo had used to alleviate his own pain.
All at once, Orihime started making these small, encouraging sounds, and the Quincy watched in horror as Ichigo gently guided them down to lay on their side, while they kept kissing passionately, wrapped in each other's arms.
Uryu's heart was pounding in his chest and he desperately clasped his hands over his mouth again, to camouflage his heavy breathing. Ichigo was definitely going to kill him if he found him hiding in here, clad in almost nothing. And if not, he'd surely beat him and brand him a pervert forever.
When Ichigo emitted a soft, content moan, Uryu felt another crack ruin his broken heart even further.
The boy he loved was right next to him, making out with a girl, on his very makeshift bed.
He couldn't take this. The pain of witnessing this intimate moment between them was almost unbearable, fueling the sense of betrayal and heartache that consumed him.
'Please, stop this. Please, go away. I don't want to watch this. Please…'
At the next low sound Ichigo made, Uryu watched how they broke the kiss, both completely breathless and panting. A dark blush had spread over both of their faces and they were just staring at each other for a loaded moment. Then, Ichigo softly caressed the girl's face and murmured:
"I… I love you, Orihime."
Uryu felt his broken heart shatter.
It was too much to handle right now. He was sitting here, trying to hold on to the edge of reason, trying to hide his presence with all his might as to not start another conflict that would leave him wounded and strip away his remaining shreds of self-esteem. And yet, as he struggled to maintain his composure, Ichigo's actions pushed him to his limits.
His pupils dilated and he had to give it his all not to make a sound. Instead, he made himself even smaller, his head on his knees and his arms wrapped around his shivering frame, and decided not to watch them any longer.
Then, Orihime chuckled, piercing the silence, "I know that, silly. I love you too, Ichigo."
At the sound of their continued kissing, gasps and soft moans, Uryu felt his eyes fill with tears. Orihime could tell Ichigo those words so freely and that weighed heavily on his heart. He remembered it well, that moment when he'd gathered his courage and confessed to the Substitute. It had been the beginning of his downfall, a path paved with heartache and despair.
Ichigo would never call her an ugly, scrawny abomination after all… Even during their captivity together, the other boy had blatantly told him he wanted to sleep with Orihime. More than once, too. He'd never gotten his hopes up for Ichigo to be with him, if he hadn't led him on. To first give him a taste of how it could be, before coldheartedly pushing him away, it still hurt so much.
Just when Uryu, completely horrified, feared that they would take their love to the next level, Ichigo's voice broke the hush.
"W-we should stop…"
"Ichigo? Are you okay?" the girl asked with an uncertain voice, still breathing hard from their bout of kissing.
Uryu couldn't help himself and looked through the hole again. Ichigo sat back up, and so did Orihime. He grabbed both her hands and whispered, "Don't take this the wrong way, but this is neither the time, nor the place."
She gave him a kind smile, "I know that, Ichigo. Don't worry. I never thought you would do anything wrong." She kissed both his hands, before drawing him against her impressive bosom. "I trust you, Ichigo. I guess we were both just a little overwhelmed and eager."
"Yeah…" Ichigo blushed fiercely. "S-sorry, but it felt so nice and… it made me feel completely normal."
Uryu took that as another blow, knowing fully well what he was referencing to. Nobody could know he'd kissed the gay class freak after all…
Orihime laughed. "You're so funny! But I understand what you are saying."
Ichigo gave her an intent look, "I want it to mean something, a-and…"
The Substitute fell silent, and Uryu felt his chest clench harshly as Ichigo had hollered that at him after they were forced to have sex. He knew what they had shared didn't count. Ichigo was probably trying very hard to forget about all of it, as it hadn't meant anything to him. But none of it was Uryu's fault. It only filled his mind with despair and his heart with regret.
"Me too," she murmured, and sealed that confession with a gentle kiss. "Now," she suddenly jumped up, full of energy, "it's time for ice cream!"
"O-oh! That's right, I've almost forgotten about that."
"Ichigo! How could you," she scolded him. "You drag me all the way out here, and then you forget about the most important part! Sweets are really important in a girl's life and all!
Ichigo stood up and rubbed the back of his head, laughing sheepishly. "Sorry, Orihime." He took her hand. "I'll treat you to anything you want."
"Yaaay!" She exclaimed. "I want vanilla, and matcha, and sakura, and-"
Ichigo chuckled. "Anything. I promise."
Just when the Quincy thought they were finally about to step out of the niche, Orihime stopped and gazed at the coat Uryu had hung up to air out.
'Crap!'
"Hey, what's wrong ? Why do you look so sad all of a sudden?" Ichigo asked, coming to stand behind her as he wrapped his arms around her waist again.
"Nothing," she answered. "It's just… Ishida-kun has a similar coat and… it made me think about him for a second."
Ichigo took a long, exasperated exhale. "Don't."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin the moment, but… don't you miss him? I miss him."
Ichigo sighed and looked away. "It's better this way, Orihime."
"But he's being bullied at school and-"
"Oh, come on. Isn't bullied too harsh of a word? Keigo says-"
"But Asano-kun is one of the bullies, Ichigo! Of course he'd say it isn't serious! I was there when he smashed Ishida-kun's face against his desk and ruined his glasses!"
"Hey, hey," the Substitute turned her around to face her, "don't get so worked up over this. Ishida isn't a baby, he can handle himself."
That was strange. Hearing that from Ichigo's mouth. Especially after he had stepped in to save Keigo's ass.
"Lately, he always looks so sad. I want to talk to him, but after what happened last time, I…"
"Orihime," Ichigo groaned, "I don't want to talk about this."
'No, of course he didn't.' Uryu really needed to get out from under the box. His muscles ached in various places and he was shivering from the cold. 'Please, leave already. Go gossip about me where I can't hear you. Please…'
But Orihime wasn't ready to let it go, it seemed. "Ichigo," she looked up at him with concerned eyes, "what's happened between you two? This fight between you has been going on for weeks. It's so unlike you."
Ichigo sighed again and averted his eyes, but he couldn't hide the sorrow on his face. "Orihime, please, I really can't tell you."
"Is it something so horrible you can't even tell your girlfriend?" Ichigo didn't even answer that, and his silence said it all. Uryu felt his heart clench even harder. No, the person least likely to know the truth had to be Orihime. Of course the Substitute wanted to spare his girlfriend their horror story. As did he… "But, when you attacked Ishida-kun last time, I-"
"That's enough, Orihime!" Ichigo suddenly yelled, making her gasp in surprise. "I thought we were on a date, and suddenly you have to ruin it all by talking about that annoying Quincy!"
"But, I just-"
"Let it go." Ichigo's voice radiated frustration, and through the hole, Uryu could see how his expression hardened. "I told him to stay away from me so many times. Last time he went so far as to give you a bloody nose. Ever since we got back from that fucking Espada, Ishida has gone completely out of control. He brought this upon himself, Orihime. I've had enough of his drama and his constant need for attention. It's time we focus on ourselves and leave him behind."
"Ichigo…" Orihime whispered, tears gleaming in her eyes. "You can't mean that. I don't believe you. Ishida-kun is our friend."
Ichigo growled. "He's not my friend anymore! Don't you get it! I want to keep him safe, but he never listens to me! He's become nothing but a burden to me and I can't stand him anymore! It's so hard on me even to be in the same space as him! I don't want him anywhere near us. He's an inconvenience and I'm sick of dealing with him! He's ruining my life!"
Uryu couldn't take it anymore. His hands clasped tightly over his mouth to not let them hear the sobs that rolled from his lips, while his tears dripped onto the cold concrete. It hadn't been enough for him to hear Ichigo confess to Orihime on his very bed. No, he had to shatter all of his hope of them ever reconciling again.
All his life, he'd been judged and misunderstood, and finally when he'd found a few friends who understood his unwavering dedication to protect Karakura town, and had opened up to them, he was treated like this.
His broken heart got a few more cracks in it, and Uryu felt ready to give up.
The weight of his loneliness and rejection bore down on him, leaving him feeling lost and broken. He couldn't help but wonder what he had done to deserve such abandonment, and where he would find the strength to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.
Who was he doing all of this even for? Nobody wanted him. There was no hope for trash like him…
Lost in his thoughts, Uryu vaguely heard Ichigo call out, "Orihime!" And as he looked up again, he saw her running from the niche, chased by her apologizing boyfriend.
He didn't even care anymore. All the sacrifices he'd made for Ichigo, and the other boy couldn't even stand to be in the same room with him.
Left in silence, he finally got out from under the box, and stretched out his cold and aching body, feeling absolutely miserable His emotions boiled over, anger, hurt and betrayal rising to the surface.
"Ichigo… I hate you!" He punched the wall in front of him. "I hate you for all you did to me!" He punched again and chafed his knuckles. "I hate you for deceiving me! For ruining my life!" He punched the wall a third time, leaving bloody marks on the concrete. "I hate you for acting like a jerk! I hate you for… for…"
With both his hands on the wall, the distressed Quincy sank down to his knees and hung his head, tears spilling from his eyes, because the pain in his heart told him a different story.
"I… I miss you, Ichigo…" His voice broke and sobs rolled from his lips. "I miss you so much…" He wrapped his arms around his chest and hopelessly tried to contain his grief.
He knew he had to let Ichigo go. There was no other option, but… it was so hard. He didn't want to feel this pain, this heartache, anymore, but he could not control this powerful feeling called love.
During the rest of that weekend, Uryu was so demotivated that he couldn't do anything. He didn't go look for a job for once, he just spent most of his time inside the niche, trying to sort out what to do.
He'd given up hope, but was still tormented by his feelings for Ichigo. How badly he wanted Ichigo to stop being angry, to forgive him for all the horrendous acts Szayelaporro had forced upon them, it wasn't going to happen, and would only bring him more suffering.
As his finances had dwindled to almost nothing, he realized he had no other choice than to sell his beloved sewing machine at the pawn shop. He'd waited until now because not only did the machine represent his skills and dreams, but also because he'd been naïve enough to think it wouldn't come to this.
But it had…
"W-what?" Uryu asked, completely taken aback. "But this is German quality and in impeccable condition. A-and-"
"Whatever, kid." The pawn shop owner behind the counter shrugged and gave him an uninterested look. "Consider yourself lucky I'm even willing to take that thing off of your hands."
"But that's not even a tenth of what this machine is worth!" Uryu protested, insult darkening his countenance and making his blue eyes flare up.
"That's not my problem." The man retorted. "You need money. I don't need that machine. It's as simple as that."
Uryu growled. "But it's value is-"
"Look, I don't have all day, you know. Take it or leave it, kid. It's clear that that thing means a lot to you, but only old grannies are interested in things like sewing now a days. It's highly probable it will be here for a looong time. If I even get it sold, that is."
Uryu sighed and felt his heart drop. This was not at all how he'd hoped selling off his sewing machine would go. "But…" He wanted to protest some more, but it was clear that the owner of the pawn shop was used to arguing with his customers like this and wasn't going to cut him some slack.
"That's my offer, kid." He took a puff of his cigarette and purposely blew the smoke into Uryu's pale face, grinning when it made him cough. "As I said, this thing will probably be here for a long time, that'll give you the chance to buy it back. Right?"
Uryu sighed again and let his shaking hands roam over the surface of his beloved sewing machine. He'd included everything, from the machinery oil, to the needles and bobbins. Not only did it hurt to give his prized possession up, but to get such a little amount of money out of it was just… disheartening. He'd hoped to get a good price for it, as the retail price valued over some ten thousands of yen. It was the only thing his father had ever bought him. Of course he knew he was not going to get the full amount, but this was an outcome he hadn't foreseen when he'd hauled the thing all the way up here from the storage room at school that afternoon.
"A-alright." Uryu conceded, before muttering: "I don't have another choice anyway." He let his hand slide one last time over the precious item and took a wavering breath, thinking of all the garments he'd finished with the help of his machine. It made his chest constrict as those were times far different than his current life. All of that seemed so long ago now. "Goodbye, old friend." It was meant to come out as a whisper, but the emotions running through him had made his voice hoarser than he'd intended.
Suddenly, the man sighed and asked: "Why are you in such desperate need for money anyways, kid?"
That made Uryu look up, but it didn't wipe the sad look from his face. "I-I just…" He couldn't admit that he'd hoped to buy food. Preferably a little more than he was consuming right now each day. He'd hoped the money would get him by for as long as possible on a little less strict diet, so that if worst came to worst, and he couldn't find a job soon, he'd a least not starve to death.
"You're not doing drugs, are you?" The pawn shop owner asked while puffing his cigarette.
"N-no, of c-course n-not." Uryu coughed as the man blew his vile smoke in his face again.
"Did you run away from home?"
"No..." Before he could tell the man to stop interrogating him like that as it was none of his business, his stomach made itself heard with a loud roar. Embarrassed, Uryu wrapped his arms around it to make the sound stop, while his face turned red. As he saw the scanning look the man was giving him, Uryu blurted: "I need food, okay. I just need food…" Then he gasped at his own admittance, thinking he'd ridiculed himself yet again. He quickly turned away and looked down in shame. "If… If you don't want my sewing machine, I'll just go." He reached for the top handle, but the man stopped him.
"I didn't say I wasn't gonna take it, kid. I just wanted to know why I've seen you a few times in my shop already." He blew his awful cigarette smoke in another direction this time. "Don't you have any parents?"
Still looking down, Uryu shook his head. "No..." Clenching his fists at the mere thought of his hateful ex-father, he just shut himself up.
As the man saw he wasn't going to go into details about that, he just rubbed the back of his head. Then he suddenly pushed a plastic plate with an onigiri in front of Uryu. "This was supposed to be my snack, but… you can have it."
His mouth watering at the mere sight, the Quincy gulped as his eyes got big. His stomach roared again and it was a few hours before dinner time. "Are you… are you sure?" Hesitating at being too trusting again, he gave the man an intent look. Once bitten, twice shy, and all…
Huffing a soft laugh, the man just picked up the onigiri an placed it in Uryu's palm. "There. A young man, like yourself, shouldn't be roaming around on an empty stomach like that."
"T-thank you, sir." Uryu replied and he swallowed hard to keep from shoving the thing into his mouth all at once, even if this was like putting the fox in the hen house.
"Go ahead and eat, while I take your precious machine to the back and get your cash."
"W-wight…" Uryu answered around a mouthful of rice and tuna, his resolve hadn't been strong enough from devouring the food in front of him, which made the pawn shop owner chuckle.
In the end, the man gave him a little more than he'd originally said, but it was still not all that much. The Quincy would have no choice but to resort to crackers and the likes again. And do everything in his power to find a job…
If he didn't succeed, he really couldn't tell what was to become of him. He didn't have any friends left, or at least, none that could help him out. Orihime was kept on a leash by her boyfriend. Kon couldn't help him and Urahara and Rukia were out of the question, too. Besides, his Quincy pride flared up at the mere thought of asking anybody for help now. He had been ridiculed enough by Ichigo and his gang, and all of his friends had been Ichigo's friends to begin with. For months now, he hadn't been able to even tell them anything. They judged him without giving it any thought. And the person he loved judged him most of all…
As he slowly trudged back towards his hideout under the bridge, his mind filled with despair, contemplating drastic measures. Like stealing and scavenging, or even worse, clenching his fists hard at the thought. But hunger was a cruel master, and he couldn't predict how desperate he would be in a few weeks. If only he had somebody to turn to. He sighed heavily and felt his broken heart sink, for he already knew he was an ugly, scrawny abomination, shunned by society. Nobody wanted him…
With every fiber in his being, Uryu hoped for a miracle, for a way out of his mess of a life…