Sasha...mere days after the battle of Trost.
After waking up with a cold sweat and a pounding heart after a nightmare, the young redhead decided to clear her head with a night walk. The poor girl has been having the same nightmare ever since the Battle of Trost. The same Titan that nearly ate her keeps coming back to haunt her. Only this time, she has no savior. Normally, Sasha would make herself feel better with any food she can scavenge, but the girl, in a rare occurrence, is not in the mood for anything.
Despite the horror she faced in her subconscious mind, it was still a beautiful night. It's peaceful and quiet, a perfect time to clear one's mind. However, she wasn't the only one who needed time away from all of the horror, violence, and sadness. There he sat...alone on some steps. Sasha's first-ever friend outside of her village, her hunting buddy, her savior, and one of the few she can talk normally around. "Elijah?"
"..." The boy, as if her voice fell on deaf ears, continues staring out into the distance. More specifically, the moon. His left hand tightly gripping his necklace around his neck.
"Are...are you okay?" Sasha slowly approaches him from behind, quietly so as not to startle him. She took a seat beside him and hugged her knees. When she looks at him, Sasha can finally see his brown eyes glisten in the moonlight...thanks to his tears. "Elijah?"
"Huh?" Elijah finally acknowledges Sasha's presence, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "...Hey."
"Hey..." Sasha doesn't really know what to say, all she can do is just be here for her friend. She knows he's in pain, and she wants to help him.
"...Sasha?"
"Yeah?"
"..." Elijah just looks at his friend in despair. Even he can't even figure out what he should say.
"W-What's-"
The poor boy holds the girl close, letting out a few sobs as he leans into Sasha's shoulder. Sasha has never seen Elijah this way before, not even when he has talked about his parents. Not many people have seen this side of Elijah. There's a part of him that's the same terrified little kid who couldn't do anything against the Titans.
"...It should've been-"
"No," Sasha says firmly. "Don't you dare start sayin' that. Just...let it all out... It's just us."
That's just what Elijah does, though, Sasha believes he may still be holding some of his pain inside. She understands, and she's happy knowing that she can be here when he's in pain. Sasha lightly strokes the back of his head, letting her fingers run through Elijah's dark-brown hair.
"...Hush, hush, baby rabbit..." Elijah slowly stops his sobs, listening to his precious friend's voice. The friend he still managed to save that day. "On the hillside..." After the few times Elijah has either sung or hummed this melody, he's hearing it for the first time...from her. "Why are your eyes so red? When I was little...my mother at the fruit of the red tree...and that's why my eyes are so very red..."
Silence befalls the pair as Elijah releases his hug from Sasha. The girl meanwhile, can't help but feel flustered after her little performance for Elijah. The girl only thought it would make him feel better. "Sorry, I just thought..."
"hehe..." Elijah's small laugh develops into a heartfelt one. "You were a little flat, but... Thank you, Sasha. Just...don't tell the others about this, yeah?"
"..."
"Sasha?"
Present
"Sasha?"
"Huh?" Sasha, now awoken from her trance, finds herself back in the mess hall with Jean and Connie. Reality, where Elijah...may now be gone. She doesn't want to give up on that hope that he could still be alive, but...it's already been two days. Those two nights have been the hardest for the local Potato Girl, barely being able to sleep the night, settling for crying herself to sleep.
"Elijah will come back!" Sasha pauses in front of them, keeping her tear-filled face from the boys. "I know he will... He has to."
Sasha has been repeating those words to herself ever since Eren was rescued. Holding onto that hop with everything she has...and Elijah's promise.
"I promise...I will find you."
"Sasha, you've barely eaten," Jean says now more concerned.
"Yeah," Connie adds.
"..."
Jean sighs. "Sasha, I know you're sad he's-"
"He's not dead, Jean!" Sasha shouts.
"Sasha," Connie tries to calm her down. "He would want you to keep your strength up. He wouldn't want you to be...like this."
The girl solemnly looks at her plate again. She knows they're right. "...I know. I'm sorry. I just..."
"We know. We do too." Jean says with a frown. "Elijah believed in all of us, so let's honor his memory by continuing our fight." Jean raises his cup. "For Elijah."
Connie does the same. "For Elijah."
"..." Sasha, now bearing a sad smile, raises hers too. "For Elij-"
SLAM!
The trio is alarmed by the mess hall doors being opened loudly by a familiar blonde boy. Out of breath but his eyes filled with tears, he yells to Sasha, Jean, and Connie. "Guys! He...he's alive! Elijah's alive!"
"What!?"
"No way!"
"..."
Ten minutes ago.
"Armin." I look up, seeing Eren and Mikasa walk along the Wall to me. I stand as they pause right beside me, looking out to the horizon. We stand silent for a moment before Eren speaks again. "It isn't gone. Our hope didn't fall with Elijah. We'll bring back our home...for him."
Mikasa nods. "For Elijah."
I nod as well, then look down to the land. "For Elij-" I look down, squinting my eyes as I spot a golden-tan spot down fifty meters below us. It forms the shape of...a horse...with a green cloak on its back. On that cloak... Mikasa must've seen it too as she is the first down the Wall, followed by Eren. I dash after them, landing on the ground and breaking into a sprint as the horse pauses. Mikasa holds the animal as Eren and I take the unconscious hooded rider, lowering him or her on the ground. I raise my hand to the hood, hesitating, not wanting to get my hopes up. "Eren...you do it."
Eren looks to Mikasa to see her nod her cupped head, and lowers the hood. "...No way..."
"You're..."
Mikasa kneels down with us, her eyes pouring tears as she tightly holds the returned Scout...and their beloved friend. "You made it..."
The Scout holds Mikasa just as tightly, Eren and I join in, no longer holding in our tears. "...Hey guys."
Like the scarlet night veiling the dark, you can hide your fear. Can lie, my dear.
Like a fallen angel, into the starry night, fly into heaven.
Somewhere...in a not-so-realistic place
"Elijah, no matter where life takes you, no matter what you choose to do with your own, you have to promise me you'll always do what's right. Not only for yourself but for everyone who may meet in your life. I want you to promise me, Elijah."
"I promise, I love you, momma."
"I love you too, my sweet boy."
Mom? What is this? Where am I? Why can't I say anything more?
"And what do they call you?"
I take my salute and stand strong. "Elijah Everett, from Shiganshina, sir!"
"Elijah is it? Another worthless, pathetic name! Why are you here?!"
Not phased by Sadie insulting my name, I answer him. "I've come to fight for humanity, and to kill the Armored Titan!"
Sadies scoffs at my response. "Is that so? Setting your goals high, huh? Remember to mark your corpse somehow so it's easier to identify your corpse!"
This is...why am I seeing this? What is happening to me?
"W-What are you doing?" I pull out my mother's necklace, and I put her gift on it so that it hangs behind the sapphire gem.
"I love it, Mina. Thank you."
"You're welcome. But isn't that your mother's necklace?"
"It is, now I have something else to cherish close to my heart."
Mina's face is as red as a tomato, and her smile couldn't have been more brighter than it already was. "Thank you, Elijah."
I turn back to the valley, letting my left hand fondle the carving. My right hand is filled by one of Mina, her head resting on the upper part of the limb. We stand together for who knows how long, but for some reason, I want to stay in this spot forever.
Mina...
"Mina! Please stay awake! I'll get you back behind the walls! I'll get you a doctor! Please! Just stay awake!"
Mina says nothing, but she manages to somehow reach her hand up to my cheek. "Eli...jah..." She says with a weak voice...and somehow a smile. With her hand still on my face, she tries to wipe away my tears with her thumb. "Elijah...I..."
Mina's lifeless hand falls from my cheek, and back down to her side.
"Mina? MINA!"
Mina... I'm so sorry I couldn't save you...
"Why'd I join? I decided I have to kill them. I won't stop till every single Titan is dead and rotting. Dead. Every last one."
Reiner and Bertholdt look absolutely flabbergasted, but that's how one would react to Eren's reasoning. Reiner glances at me, silently asking me the same question. I look back with a face similar to Eren's. "I couldn't stand idly by and let that one continue to live on, the Armored Titan, it took my family away from me." I grip my mother's necklace wrapped around my neck. "Eren can kill all the Titans for all I care, but I will be the one that sends the Armored Titan back to hell."
Reiner nods and turns around. As we come to a clearing in the woods, he speaks again. "You saw what those monsters are capable of and you still want to take them on?"
"Damn right," Eren states. "It's just after screwing up the training, I don't know if I'm cut out to be a soldier."
The clouds spread apart in the sky, revealing the full moon. Light hails down on the earth, revealing our location to be on a cliff overlooking lower levels of the forest and a large lake that flows into a river. It is quite a marvelous scene, one I did not know is so close to the camp.
"We'll take it from step one: belt adjustment. By tomorrow, you'll be an expert. I know you've got what it takes. I can see it in you. Am I wrong here?"
Eren looks back at Reiner, smiling in happiness that the older boy will help. "No! I won't fail. Thank you, Reiner." Reiner smiles back, then looks for a short but noticeable moment at me before turning back to the scenery below us.
Reiner...Bertholdt...why? I saw you as brothers... how could you? Why am I even seeing all of this? Are these...my memories?
As I begin to leave, I hear Nadia call to me one last time. I turn around, then to my shock, she salutes me. "Give your heart for humanity, Elijah. I believe in each and every one of you."
The dam nearly breaches once again, but I'm able to hold it in as I salute her back. "Thank you. We'll all do our best."
"I know you will."
Nadia...I did my best. I think you would be proud.
"Um, Elijah... Thanks. I had fun today. I guess I've been too hung up on my values or my approach to life or whatever... But just hanging out like this sometimes isn't so bad."
For some reason, behind her smile, she seems...sad. I drop it for now, not wanting to bring down the mood. "It's what friends do, Annie."
Annie...I know I never showed it, but I really did consider you a friend.
"...Because that's what you're supposed to do when people need it. That's what my Mom taught me... To do what's right. 'No matter where life takes you, I want you to promise me you'll always do what's right. Not only for yourself but for everyone you may meet in your life.' That's the promise I made for her... To be honest, I'm jealous of the three of you. We're all survivors, but you guys have each other... I.. I have no one. So maybe I was looking for that too." I look to Mikasa, her eyes cold but losing the untrusting edge. She looks down to her bread, taking a slightly bigger bite than before.
Armin looks at me, concerned. "But what about you, Elijah? Don't you have anything to eat?"
"I'll be fine, Armin. You guys need it more than I do."
Eren smiles with a mouthful of bread. "Thank you, Elijah. For having our back."
"You're welcome."
Eren...Armin...Mikasa... Could...this be it for me? Is this...my life flashing before my eyes?
"Sounds like she really loved you, Elijah."
...Sasha?
"How are you...so brave? Back in Trost, it was like you weren't afraid of the Titans at all."
"I was afraid, Sasha. I was afraid the whole time. I was afraid until Eren sealed the Wall. What got me through was knowing what I had to do. I lost Mina, Thomas, and not knowing at the time, Marco... What got me through was not wanting to lose anyone else. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Connie, Ymir, Christa, Jean, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie...you. If I lost any more, especially someone I'm close to, I don't think I'd be here right now. I would rather give my life to protect you all."
...Why?
"I promise you, Sasha Braus. Even if I'm the last one standing against a horde of Titans, I will prevail." I lean over on my horse to hug her, but in the middle of it, something...unexpected happens. Sasha pulls away, her face red as an apple.
"I...uh... I'll see you soon! Good luck! Hya!" She rides off quickly to rejoin her father and the others, leaving me a confused, bewildered, dare I say speckledorfed of a man. I unconsciously graze my fingers over my lips...with the heat of another's still present.
"Sasha..."
...I'm sorry, Sasha.
Wait, where am I now? All I see now...is an infinite sight of golden reeds underneath the setting sun. I don't remember anything like this. What is this place? I can't help but feel...tranquility here. As if I'm finally at peace. It's...Ethereal. Is this... Am I dead? But I made it back to the Wall, I saw Eren, Armin, and Mikasa...was I...too weak to save? I let my fingers run through each individual inflorescence. This feels...too real to be a dream.
"Look at you..." My blood runs cold as I hear...that familiar voice. When I turn around, I see a figure getting closer to me...a woman figure. No...you can't be... "My sweet boy..." The woman...now fully in my vision, bears a smile I haven't seen in five years. "Just look how tall you've gotten."
"...Mom?"
She nods. "Hi, sweetie." Mom fiddles with my necklace, smiling brightly as she does. "I never knew that this would suit you. Thank you, for keeping it all this time."
"..." I can't hold it in any longer, all my sadness, my grief, my despair, it's all coming back to me and being released as I fall to my knees, crying my heart out. "...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mom."
"Elijah..." My mother kneels down, rubbing my head. "I am so proud of you. Just look at how far you've come. Your friends told me how much of a brave and remarkable soldier you became."
"Huh?" Mom gestures behind her, where three more figures stand. Three people who I never thought I'd see again. One, a blonde boy who almost shares my height. The second, a shorter boy with black hair. The third...a short girl with black hair tied in pigtails. "Thomas?...Marco?...Mina?"
"Mhmm. Your father and I have been watching you ever since that day."
"Dad?"
"That's right." The voice from behind scares me at first, but when I turn around...I see...
"D-Dad?"
"My boy...you are a far greater soldier, and an even better man than I could ever hoped you would be."
Mom nods. "After everything you've been through, you still did what you thought was right. Even after you learned...the truth of Reiner and Bertholdt, you still did what you thought was right."
"...Can I stay?"
My parents look at each other, they smile, then look back to me. Helping me get to my feet as mom wipes my tears away, looking into my very soul with a sad smile. "...Not yet. You're still needed, Elijah. Your friends need you, She needs you."
"What?"
"Mina is a lovely girl, Elijah. But I think we both know how much you love...potatoes." My mother giggles.
"...Sasha."
"She's a keeper, son. Don't let her get away from you."
"We just can't wait to officially meet her. For now, just keep her alive for as long as you can, Elijah. That goes double for you...my sweet boy.
They hug me...for the first time since they were taken away from me, but...why don't I feel...angry? Why am I even thinking about that? I hold onto them for what may be the last time, or at least for a longer time. I'll see them again, along with Thomas and Mina, back in whatever this place is. I must stay alive, for my parents, for my new family...for her.
"I promise, Mom...Dad. I promise."
Days later, in a more realistic world
"I...promise..." I woke up slowly, blinded by a bright white light before the rest of my surroundings came into view. A bedroom, probably in one of the military barracks. I raise my right arm up, seeing it and my entire hand wrapped in a bandage, along with most of my torso. I feel sore more than in immobilizing pain, my muscles do bear a heavy weight on me.
Wait, no, that weight is not truly mine. I turn around and gaze upon a second body lying across mine. The person, just based on what my left elbow feels, in indeed a woman's, the mess of red hair on my shoulder leaving it now to one person...well, it could be the other, but that would be a major mess if I woke up to find myself in the same bed as the Section Commander.
Wait, why is Sasha in my bed? How did I even...
I remember... "...Sasha." I get on Spirit, but instead of turning in the direction away from the Titans, I face them. "...I'm sorry."
"...What?"
"Sasha..." I reach into my pocket, taking out the journal Thomas gave me, I also take my necklace and hand them both to Sasha. "Take care of these for me, please..."
Unlike me, she doesn't fight back the tears. "W-What are you doing?"
"There's too many, Sasha. Too many for us to run away from, and...even though she can handle it, I don't want Ymir to fight for me. I...don't want any of you to die."
"NO!" Sasha grabs onto me, trying her best to convince me to retreat. "If you do this, you'll... Please, Elijah... I don't want you to die."
"Sasha..." I grab her, holding her for what may be the very last time. "You remember my promise? Even against a horde of Titans, I will prevail. You've believed in me since day one. I promise...I will find you." I pull back, unable to contain my tears.
"But...Elijah- Mmph!"
I pull back once more, my eyes stinging from my tears and my cheeks burning from...something else. "Go. I know... Me too, Sasha."
"...Sasha." I reach over, letting my fingers flow in her hair as I reveal her face. Thankfully, it is Sasha sleeping peacefully beside me, but that's when I notice a plate of food beside her, mostly untouched. I look at the plate in confusion. Sasha never leaves food behind, not even a crumb, she'll lick a plate clean if it means she'll consume it all, so to see this... I must've really worried her. I'm such a damn fool.
How long was I out? All I remember is arriving here on horseback, then Eren and the others finding me at the Wall outside of Trost. That's it. Of course, I remember having to stay in a Titan's mouth for what felt like hours, doing that was no easy fit. I was lucky to have my extra blades to start cutting the Titan from the inside the Titan's neck. It was hard, damn near impossible, I even had to resort to clawing my out when I finally saw light from the hole I was making. I guess that's why My hands are entirely wrapped, I think I remember accidentally ripping off a few fingernails. Once out, the Titans were all focusing their attention on Reiner's Titan...for some odd reason, buying me time to whistle for Spirit. Like always, he came for me. Once I was on, I tied my reigns to my forearm in case I passed out...and I did. When I finally came to, I slowly spent the rest of the night traveling back to Wall Rose, somehow making it without passing out...again. I'm happy that I'm alive, but...so many died that day just to rescue Eren, and I made it.
"Elijah?" I must have tuned out the rest of the world because Sasha's voice brings me back. My eyes look to her light brown pupils, I remove my arm that is still caressing her hair. I smile as she raises off my body, blushing as she realizes our precarious position. She's clothed in her uniform, so nobody should think anything happened.
"Sasha..."
There it is...there's that signature smile. "You're awake..."
"I am..." I push myself to sit up, ignoring my soreness. I look down at my bandaged hands, both completely wrapped.
"They said...a few of your nails were gone..."
"Damn..."
Sasha carefully rubs my head, making my heart race without even realizing it. "How are you feeling?"
I lean my head back, then turn to Sasha, meeting her eyes again. "I feel...alive, I guess. I saw...well, from my memories up until...you know." Sasha says nothing and just listens to me with concerned eyes. "I saw our first day, too."
Sasha's face deepens into pure horror. "Did you...?"
I nod. "Yep, I sure did."
"No! Can you please forget that?"
"No way, Potato Girl."
"...Meanie."
I smirk. "I know. Anyway... I saw Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner again...and with these being my memories, I'd hate seeing them again. But...I didn't. I...saw them as my friends, even when I thought I was dying. I saw Thomas and Mina, too. But...I only saw a few memories of them. Given our closeness, you think I would've seen more. I didn't realize it at the time, but I...really did like Mina. Thomas was like a brother to me. But...of all the people I saw the most, the one person that I wanted to see before I left this world...was you, Sasha."
I see Sasha on the verge of tears before she leans into me, wrapping her arms around my abdomen while her head rests on my shoulder. "Part of me did think you were gone, but I was adamant you were alive. I didn't let anyone tell me otherwise. But when Armin and the others told us you were back, I didn't believe it. I thought it was some cruel joke, but Armin, and Mikasa, rarely tell those kinds of jokes, if not at all, do they? So I waited outside that door for hours until I was able to see you, then waited here for you to wake up. Everyone came, even the Commander and Captain. I think he likes you."
"Well, the feelings mutual, for him and Captain Levi...I saw them, Sasha. My parents...but it wasn't my memories, it was like...they were speaking to me from the afterlife...I don't know why..."
"Elijah... What...did they say?"
"...They're proud of me, Sasha." I smile...as a lone tear falls down my cheek. "They're...proud of me. They..." I can feel my cheeks burn. "They also...like you, Sasha. And...they can't wait to meet you."
"Elijah..." Sasha smiles and blushes just as much as me. "I...I..." She looks away from me, then back, then away again, then finally back to me. Cupping my cheek with her left hand, as her other takes hold of my left hand. "...I love you, Elijah." She kisses me for the third time, making my mind go crazy once again...I...I...
"...I love you too, Sasha." The girl rests her head back on my shoulder, nuzzling her face right into my neck. I can feel her warm breath against my Adam's apple, making my heartbeat pound against my chest. I let my free hand run through her still-messy hair. Thank God I'm still alive, I'd never forgive myself if I left her alone like this. No, she wouldn't have been alone. Sasha is still one of the strongest people I know, and she has the others here if she needed it. Still, I'm grateful to be here with her...and to be able to love her. "Hey, Sasha?"
"Hmm?"
"How long was I out?"
"Today is the second day since you came back. It's been five days since the 'breach.' I think eight since the expedition. What a week, huh?"
What a fucking week. Eight days... I had my first official mission as a Scout, my fourth overall. That means Stohess was six days ago...rest is already dated. Eight days...I have nearly died that same amount of times. I guess I'm due to a promotion. I glance down at Sasha, looking solemnly out the window. Something is on her mind, I don't blame her. So much happened in so little time, I'm glad I got some rest. I just wish I knew how the others have been since the rescue.
"The 104th, besides you and a few others, are under Captain Levi's command. Pretty much our group, that's all."
"So...you guys are the new 'Levi Squad' with Petra? That's...honestly pretty cool."
"Yeah. We set out tomorrow for some hiding place, I don't know, but I do know we're protecting Eren and Christa...Historia. What do we call her?"
"Historia...don't worry, I think we'll get used to it. But, what are we protecting them from? I get Eren, the government wants their filthy hands on him, but why Historia?"
"She's Lord Reiss' illegitimate child, she told us. Her family has prestige too, so there's a chance they know some secrets, and if it means taking Historia to keep those secrets, they will. Historia...has changed. With Ymir gone, she's become quite reclusive."
"Oh..." I lean my head onto hers, gazing out the window as well. "Knowing our luck, our squads will see much of each other, so it won't be like I won't see you guys. But I should get out and get my strength back."
"You really are stubborn."
"I know. But that's just part of my charm, isn't it?" Sasha laughs softly under my chin I look down to her again, noticing something around her neck. It's my necklace with Mina's carving and my mother's sapphire crystal that I told her to hold on to when I sent myself to my own demise. I reach over with my free hand, holding the carving of the Wings of Freedom as the crystal rests on top. "You know, I'm surprised I haven't lost this yet, or it hasn't been broken."
"It's made of sturdy wood. Mina chose well. It's a strong gem, too. Your Mom had good taste."
I chuckle. "Yeah... I want you to keep it."
Sasha looks up to me, eyes widened in rejection. "But...Elijah...this is-"
"The only thing I have to remember my Mother and Mina by, well, no, I have my journal. I write them all nearly every day. I really need to catch up on it. As for my necklace, it looks astronomically better on you than me. And..." I sit up in bed. I face her, holding her hand firmly in my own. "I leave my most cherished item to you...because...outside of my family...Sasha... You are who I cherish most."
Sasha's face turns into a crimson-red, donning her signature smile. "Elijah..." The girl I love leaps onto me, nearly making us both fall off the bed. "Promise me... Promise me that you'll stop trying to die."
"I don't really try, you know?"
"You aren't very good at it. But...please, for my sake, never pull a stunt like that again. You have to live and get back to Shiganshina. You owe that to yourself...and your family. Even after that, you don't have my permission to die until we- I mean, you're old and withered."
I smile as we readjust ourselves in bed, Sasha leaning her head back on my shoulder and my left hand playing with her hair. "Then you, Sasha Braus. You cannot die before I do. That's only fair to me."
She laughs. "Fair enough."
"...Sasha?"
"Yeah?"
"...When did you... When did you realize...that you love me?"
The girl takes a moment to think, somehow making me more nervous than I already am. "...do you remember...after Trost, when I found you...and I sang for you?"
"Yeah?"
"Well...the way you laughed... it reminded me that no matter how much you've been through, you always find that hope. It's...inspiring to me. Then I thought about all the times you've been there for me... You gave me food on our first day of training, even snuck me extra until my suspension was lifted. You became my hunting buddy, you accepted my bumpkin accent...even though I still don't like it sometimes... You...saved my life more times than I remember. And..." Sasha looks up to me, grazing her fingers across my cheek. "...I always thought... you had nice eyes... You're not only my best friend, Elijah. You're...the one I fell in love with."
"..." I hold her close, holding back my tears of happiness and thanking God for giving me another chance at this life. With it, I'm going to make sure that not only that I'll keep myself alive, but my friends, my comrades...and the girl I love. Mom, Dad, I promise...I will keep her alive.
"I love you, Sasha."
"I love you too, Elijah."
In an hour, Section Commander Hange and her Executive officer Moblit would come and visit me, seeing that I had...company. They also see that I'm okay to return to their side tomorrow at my request. Afterward, the others finally show up. Eren, Armin, and Mikasa nearly broke down once they saw me again, only now I can give them a proper hug. I swear even Jean and Connie nearly cried... They...must've really missed me. Historia was...a little different than I expected. Sasha told me how she was different now with Ymir gone, but I didn't think it would be too noticeable. I'm just glad to see that she was happy that I was alive. Hange was a little too interested in how I survived being eaten, but she was thrilled to see me still in one piece. We all spend most of the day together, trading stories of the last few days between the 57th expedition and the battle at Utgard Castle since we were all separated one way or another. Eren returned my journal to me, saying it was a nice read to see my perspective on our experiences together, even if I was too hard on myself in some of my sections. Jean made a retort of how useless Eren has been relative to most of us, and like traditional fashion, they argued. It almost felt like we were back in the old days.
...But there's no Reiner telling Jean and Eren how wrong they are, no Bertholdt in Reiner's shadow, no Annie sitting in the corner, not conversing with us because she didn't know how to be comfortable with everyone. There's no Marco holding Jean back, and there's no Ymir to hold Christa's hand and telling her to stop being nice.
There's just...a dream... No death. We all are fighting for humanity together, our only enemy is the Titans...and I haven't lost my friends to betrayal.
So as I look out the window during the night, alone in my quarters, all I can think about is Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie. Three who have caused nothing but horror and sorrow for humanity. But...if I were to raise my blade against them...would I bring it against their hearts? Could I really kill Reiner like I sworn? Will I live with myself for taking his life? Or will I feel satisfaction seeing the life fade from his eyes?
What...am I gonna do?
"Hey, Elijah." I turn around, seeing Eren halfway in my room. "Can we talk?"
"With me?" Not to say I could be alone with Eren, but if there was anyone he spoke in private to, it would be Mikasa, Armin, or the three of us together. Exceptions made for when he was with Levi Squad when we were recruited after Trost, Eren rarely talks to me alone and away from Mikasa and Armin. "Yeah, what's up?"
Eren walks in and closes the door. Together we sit at the table by the singular window, gazing at the moonlight. "...What a crazy week, huh?"
"That seems to be the consensus today."
"In one week, we went from not knowing our enemy to knowing them pretty well. A week ago, Titans were monsters...now they're...us. Humans. Connie...I thought we could empathize but our people, our parents were eaten. His parents...the eaters." Eren rubs his forehead as he repeats everything I was told today. I believed Connie back at Utgard Castle, but knowing the truth now is unbelievable.
I slowly nod. "We've been killing humans all this time, but do we really regret it? We wanted to kill all the Titans and make it to some sea, but we're not killing monsters, but...our own people. Then there's...them. Three traitors, and Ymir is...well, Ymir."
"Yeah." Eren looks down to his hands, twiddling with his thumbs. "There's...also a reason I wanted to talk to you. I really can't go to Armin about this...and the other guys would just laugh at me. You have...I guess, experience with this?"
I lean back, a short smile on my face. "Oh? let me guess, girl trouble?"
"Come on, man! This isn't funny!"
"Oh, I'm actually proud, cause I have a good idea of who the girl is."
"Man..." Eren rubs his forehead. "You know..." He looks to my ever-growing smile, much to his embarrassment. "How long was I being an idiot?"
"Well, I've only known you for five years, she's known you longer. If I had to guess, probably whenever she first met you. Or whenever she became a woman. But she's never told me or Armin, at least not outright confessed it, so I know she had her own way of saying it, so how did she?"
Eren sighs. "Back at the rescue, when...she started to thank me for everything. Hannes had just died to the Titan that killed my mother, I couldn't transform, we both thought we were going to die, then... I said...that I would wrap that scarf around her...as many times as she wants."
"Wow." I say. "I never knew you were such a romantic, Eren Jaeger."
"Shut up. Now...ever since...it's been...well, not weird for her, I guess, but for me...what do I do?"
"She's been sticking by your side for years, man. This is normal for her. You gotta make the first move. Mikasa's a tough one, but she's still a girl."
"I guess..."
"Well, I think you have other things to worry about. I'm sure whatever Levi and Hange have in store for you takes precedence, so think on that. Mikasa will wait for you, stubbornly forever if that's what it takes to be by your side. Tell you what. Once we finally make it home, once we make it to the sea, once we're finally free, tell her." I look to Eren's green eyes, shifting from uncertainty to determination.
"You're right. Thanks, Elijah." We look out the window, into the starry night.
"Eren...we'll see the end? Of all of this, right?"
"No, Elijah. We'll be the end."