~Chapter 9 Start~
(POV Change to Zuko)
It was finally happening, he was going home. After everything that happened, that was the thought that stood out the most. Everything he had ever wanted, was finally coming true. So why did he feel so terrible? Staring out into the ocean reminded him of a lot of things. It reminded him of his travels, of Iroh, of...her. But most of all, it was a reminder that he was going home after so many years. It was both a known and unknown experience for him. He wasn't sure how much had changed, nor who had changed in his absence.
The moon was full in the sky providing a low night light that reminded him of so many things he wanted to bury. He felt anger then, dancing in his gut like a familiar friend. He twisted it into something comfortable and furrowed his brow. Mira was the one who lied, Iroh was the one who betrayed him and his country. What happened wasn't his fault, her blood wasn't on his hands. Curling his knuckles around the rail of the ship he held onto that feeling and reminded himself once more, he had done nothing wrong.
"Aren't you cold?" He heard Mai ask from behind him.
She walked over and stood beside him as he turned to give her his attention. She had changed a lot since he had seen her last, and he wondered how much had changed in his absence. Was she angry at him? Would she be for running off with Mira and...There he went again, thinking about her and letting guilt twist his gut.
He had to hang onto his anger and remember that she was the one who betrayed him. She lied, she was the Avatar, the person he had spent most of his teenage years hunting. She could have gotten him home at any time, but she didn't. Yet, she had promised him she would, a promise that was as empty as he now felt. The ache in his gut never lessened and with every mile it seemed to grow even worse.
"I've got a lot on my mind. It's been so long. Over five years since I was home. I wonder what's changed. I wonder how I've changed." Zuko admitted, his eyes cast out into the sea, but never really focusing on anything.
Mai let out a bored yawn and for a moment he felt irritation, but then it was gone. It was like a snap in the rope that were his thoughts. A warmth hit him as the ache persisted, this was where he was meant to be, not living his days serving tea at the Jasmine Dragon.
"I just asked if you were cold. I didn't ask for your whole life story," She smiled before walking behind him and putting her arms around his shoulders. "Stop worrying."
Then she cradled his face and he felt like things were finally okay, finally the way they were meant to be. If she hadn't changed that much, and her feelings hadn't, then maybe everything was going to be fine. She kissed him then, soft and sweet. He marveled at how soft her lips were and as they parted she looked into his eyes and he marveled at the love he found swirling within them. She caressed his face one last time before walking away and giving him his space. She always knew the right things to say, to do. He was thankful for that, but there was one thought nagging his mind.
Her hands felt too warm.
~Break~
"Your princess Azula, clever and beautiful, disguised herself as the enemy and entered the Earth Kingdom's capital. In Ba Sing Se, she found her brother Zuko, and together, they faced the Avatar. And the Avatar fell, and the Earth Kingdom fell. Azula's agents quickly overtook the entire city. They went to Ba Sing Se's great walls and brought them down. The armies of the Fire Nation surged through the wall and swarmed over Ba Sing Se securing our victory. Now the heroes have returned home. Your princess, Azula!" The twins spoke as Azula walked to the end of the balcony and looked over their people. "And after five long years, your prince has returned. Zuko!"
He took a deep breath and walked forward. He was now dressed in his traditional royal armor wearing his hair in a traditional topknot. It seemed so long ago that he had been sent away and now he was back, now he was home. Walking towards the edge of the balcony he took his place beside his sister. The people were cheering, he wanted to smile, to look proud, but everything felt so mixed up. Mira's words echoed in his head then. As clear as if she were standing right next to his ear.
"I just hope it's on your terms, is all."
~Break~
Zuko wasn't sure what to do with himself anymore. He had spent so many years with one goal, working hard for it, and fulfilling his destiny. But now? Now he was home, had free time, and everything still felt so...wrong. To top it all off, he still hadn't even seen his father yet. Did his father actually welcome him back? It was hard to feel comfortable here when he was waiting for the rug to be pulled from beneath his feet. He thought of his mother then, realizing he found himself in their favourite spot. Sitting down next to the pond he took a few pieces of bread and started to throw them in. The turtle ducks started to swim over, quaking excitedly at the food. They began to eat it greedily until a shadow appeared scaring them off. It didn't take much guessing for Zuko to assume it was Azula. She had been hovering around him ever since they got home, probably waiting for him to screw up.
"You seem downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already?" Azula spoke as she appeared in his peripheral. "Though actually Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately."
"I haven't seen dad yet. I haven't seen him in five years, since I was banished." Zuko said, stopping Azula from her comments about his relationship.
The only certain thing he had right now was Mai. He could trust her, find comfort in her, and a sense of belonging. Something he knew would never be found in the presence of his sister, Azula. It was better she didn't get fixated on Mai and him, so the truth of his misery would do.
"So what?" Azula sighed, her shoulders slumping as she rolled her eyes.
"So, I didn't capture the Avatar." Zuko said, narrowing his eyes in response.
"Who cares? The Avatar's dead." Azula shrugged.
Zuko looked down then, feeling a punch to his gut. Yeah, the Avatar was dead, and so was Mira. He had to pull himself from his thoughts before he was sucked in and looked back at Azula with a frown. If she found out that Mira's death pained him in any way he could pretty much count on her using that against him in the future. There was no room for mistaken admissions here. Azula always lied, but she also always pried. Information was like power to her, and perhaps she was right about that.
"Unless you think they somehow miraculously survived." Azula mused.
He thought back to when he was trapped in the jewel caves with Katara and Mira. How Katara had offered to heal his scar, and showed him the sacred water from the oasis. She had said it had magical healing properties but...it couldn't heal death, could it?
"No. There's no way they could've survived." Zuko answered.
Azula was still frowning and he had to wonder who he was trying to convince, Azula, or himself?
"Well, then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." Azula said breezily before walking away.
~Break~
This was it, he was finally going to see his father. Walking up to the curtain partitions he couldn't stop the anxiety from building. What if his father was still angry at him? What if he didn't accept him? What if he banished him again for his failure in bringing back the Avatar?
Taking a deep breath he stepped through, parting the curtains with his hands, and found the familiar sight of his father sitting on the throne surrounded by fire. Walking closer he knelt down and bowed. The cool tile pressed into his palms and he felt his fear die down as the familiarity of home surrounded him.
"You have been away for a long time. I see the weight of your travels has changed you. You have redeemed yourself, my son." His father spoke as he stood up.
He stepped through the fire, arms crossed behind his back as he moved to stand before Zuko. His father still stood towering over him the same way he used too, but somehow he seemed different in a way. He still felt fear kneeling before him, but as he looked at his father he felt different somehow.
"Welcome home." His father finally spoke the words he had longed to hear for five long years.
Zuko didn't know what to say so he remained quiet, head bowed in respect. Perhaps the difference was that his father was pleased to see him. The realization that he couldn't remember another time his father looked happy to see him hurt deep in a place Zuko thought was long buried. His father began to pace slowly as he began to speak again, his face creased with pride instead of anger and disgust. It was disorienting to Zuko as he tried to grasp both his feelings of happiness and sadness over this fact.
"I am proud of you, Prince Zuko. I am proud because you and your sister conquered Ba Sing Se. I am proud because, when your loyalty was tested by your treacherous uncle, you did the right thing and captured the traitor. And I am proudest of all of your most legendary accomplishment. You slayed the Avatar." His father praised, lips turned upward in a sharp smile.
Zuko perked up, turning his head as his eyes widened. That was most definitely not what happened in Ba Sing Se, at least the part about him killing the Avatar. His father should be upset at him for failing to capture the Avatar, not praising him for his sister's accomplishment. It didn't make any sense.
"What did you hear?" He asked hastily.
"Azula told me everything. She said she was amazed and impressed with your power and ferocity at the moment of truth." His father answered, moving in close as he sounded the proudest he had ever been.
But why would Azula give him the credit? She was never kind of helpful in her actions, there had to be a reason. It was then he realized the conversation they had at the turtleduck pond. She didn't believe him. Whatever he had let slip was enough for her to give Zuko credit for her greatest accomplishment.
Killing not one, but two Avatars.
~Break~
He was stomping through the halls towards her room after having his talk with his father. He was seething by the time he reached her door, his hands shaking as he pulled it open. No matter how he rationalized it, it didn't make sense for Azula to give him credit and lie about Mira.
"Why'd you do it?" He asked, hoping for honesty for once.
He didn't want to be right, but he held little hope for that. Azula never did anything out of kindness, nothing came free with her.
"You're going to have to be a little more specific." She whispered, not bothering to move or open her eyes.
"Why did you tell father that I was the one that killed the Avatar?" He pressed further.
"Can't this wait until morning?" She asked.
"It can't." He ground out.
"Fine," she sighed, sitting up to give him her attention. "You seemed so worried about how father would treat you because you hadn't captured the Avatar. I figured if I gave you the credit, you'd have nothing to worry about."
"But why?" He scowled.
"Call it a generous gesture," she said as she slipped out of bend. "I wanted to thank you for your help, and I was happy to share the glory."
"You're lying." Zuko retorted.
"If you say so..." She said, walking past him.
Her hand hung airily in the air as she mulled over his words as if they were casual in nature. It irritated him beyond measure how everything was just a game to her.
"You have another motive for doing this. I just haven't figured out what it is." Zuko salad, following her with his eyes.
"Please, Zuko. What ulterior motive could I have? What could I possibly gain by letting you get all the glory for defeating the Avatar?" She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and moving in close. "Unless, somehow, the Avatar was actually alive. All that glory would suddenly turn to shame and foolishness. But, you said yourself, that was impossible. Sleep well, Zuzu."
Zuko left, his hunch was confirmed. His shoulders felt tense as he slipped out of her room. He had to come up with a plan to find out if the Avatar was still alive, and if so, kill him, kill...them...
But could he really do that if Mira had survived?
That was another thing that bothered him, Azula never mentioned Mira to his father, never mentioned there was more than one Avatar, and never mentioned he had traveled with her for almost a year. In fact, unless he brought her up she pretended as if Mira never even existed.
Why was that?
~Break~
He was having another nightmare again. Tossing and turning he couldn't stop from seeing their faces torn with grief and betrayal as he turned on them. He couldn't stop the memories of what had happened at Ba Sing Se from invading his dreams. He had felt haunted every single night ever since returning home. Sleep rarely came anymore, and he found himself reaching out across the expanse of his bed in the middle of the night. Grasping for someone long gone as he awoke in a cold sweat. His heart sinking towards his feet, unable to deny how fucked up everything felt, especially him.
Why did Iroh have to be so stubborn!? Why did Mira have to lie!? Why couldn't they have just trusted him? Why couldn't she have just followed him without question, like she always did. He expected a complaint, maybe even an argument but he thought...that maybe what she felt was unconditional, something he so desperately yearned for. The foolish feelings wrapped around his heart in a cocoon, keeping him from feeling the full weight of his actions. Perhaps she had even lied about her feelings for him.
"You mean more to me than anything, you know that right?"
Her words echoed through his skull causing his eyes to shoot open. No longer sure what to think, he got out of bed. The anger and confusion swirling inside him as his conflicting thoughts battled one another. Grabbing his robes he left his room, intent on speaking to the only man he could trust to give him some clarity.
Iroh.
Sneaking through the city was easy at this hour, but the closer he got up the winding staircase that led to the prison tower, he knew he would run into a guard eventually. Reaching the entrance finally, he looked up towards where he knew his uncle was housed. A guard spotted him as he made his rounds, turning to investigate the figure standing below.
"Who's there?" He demanded.
Zuko turned away, feeling shame burn his gut. What was he thinking? What was he hoping to accomplish by coming here? But he did come here, and he was never one to turn back once he had started something. So he walked around the side and scaled up the building towards the second floor. He walked as quietly as he could, running into the same guard as before.
"You again? Stop where you are!" He demanded.
He raised his head, starring the man down. If he couldn't slip in unnoticed, he might as well use his title to his advantage. At least this way he would be guaranteed some peace and privacy with Iroh.
"Prince Zuko?" The guard asked.
He grabbed the man's shirt and pushed him up against the wall. His spear clattered to the floor as Zuko leaned in close.
"I'm going in for a visit. You're going to stand guard here. And no one is going to know about this." Zuko growled as he let the man go.
He continued to walk towards his uncle's cell and stepped into the room. The old door creaked as he closed it and he sat down in front of the rusty bars. His uncle was seated in the middle of his cell. His long hair oily and matted, covering parts of his face. He looked tired and defeated, so unlike the man he left at Ba Sing Se.
"Uncle, it's me." Zuko spoke, lowering his hood.
Iroh turned away, choosing to give him his back rather than catch even a single glimpse of Zuko. It hurt more than he cared to admit.
"You brought this on yourself, you know. We could have returned together. You could have been a hero, Mira might still be alive." Zuko tried to reason.
Iroh turned away even further, the mention of her name causing his back to tense in anger.
"You have no right to judge me, Uncle. I did what I had to do in Ba Sing Se and you're a fool for not joining me," Zuko continued, "you're not gonna say anything?"
He felt his anger well up and he moved, slamming a stool into the wall with a grunt of frustration. He then punched it with a barrage of fire, crushing it into pieces.
"You're a crazy old man. You're crazy, and if you weren't in jail, you'd be sleeping in a gutter!" Zuko shouted.
He then turned on his heel and stomped out of the room, slamming the door with a resounding thud. His blood was thundering in his head pushing on his anger, and as he stomped away he found that same anger had nowhere to go. Letting out a scream of fire into the night, Zuko shut his eyes tightly reminding himself it wasn't his fault.
~Break~
"Orange is such an awful colour." Mai sighed as she leaned onto his shoulder.
They were watching the sunset from one of the tallest parts of the volcano surrounding the city. She was leaning against his chest as they laid on a blanket surrounded by the picnic they had just recently finished. He felt his chest warm as he allowed her touch to soothe him. The days he spent with her staved off the cold feeling of his icey thoughts. The memories of Iroh and Mira were dispelled as he felt his own belly warm at the thought of her hot hands cradling his face tendering.
This felt right.
"You're so beautiful when you hate the world." He laughed as he watched Mai's mouth twist into a soft smile.
"I don't hate you." She said, looking up into his eyes.
"I don't hate you, too." He breathed back.
Their lips met in a warm kiss. He went to deepen it when he was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Irritation exploded in his chest and he looked up to find Azula standing there with her arms crossed.
"Zuko, could I have a word with you?" Azula asked when they both knew she wasn't.
"Can't you see we're busy?" Zuko sighed, before moving back to kiss Mai once more.
"Oh, Mai, Ty Lee needs your help untangling her braid." Azula said, raising her eyebrow.
"Sounds pretty serious." Mai said, standing up and leaving.
"So, I hear you've been to visit your Uncle Fatso in the prison tower." Azula said, getting straight to it.
"That guard told you." Zuko growled, standing up.
"No, you did, just now." Azula gloated.
"Okay," Zuko said, sitting back down. "You caught me. What is it that you want, Azula?"
"Actually, nothing. Believe it or not, I'm looking out for you. If people find out you've seen Uncle, they'll think you're plotting with him. Just be careful dum-dum." Azula sighed with a small shrug.
Zuko didn't believe her in the slightest and tensed even further. Whatever Azula aimed to discover from their discussion he wasn't sure, but he knew if he didn't cover his ass soon Azula would serve it on a platter to their father. Something he needed to prevent before Azula got brazen enough. She didn't know enough yet, or she would have made sure he and everyone at the palace knew. He still had time to act, and that was exactly what he was going to do.
~Break~
This was foolish, he shouldn't be doing this. But when did Zuko ever think anything through. He was desperate for some sort of answers, some sort of guidance. He couldn't trust anyone here and he was realizing how alone he felt without his uncle or mother around. With an act that was sure to be out of desperation he walked into the cell once more, holding a small package in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he sat down and pushed the bundle of fabric forward.
"I brought you some komodo-chicken. I know you don't care for it, but I figure it beats prison food...I admit it. I have everything I always wanted. But it's not at all how I thought it would be. The truth is...I need your advice. I think the Avatar is still alive. I think Mira is...still alive," Zuko said, grasping the bars tightly between his hands. "I know they're out there. I'm losing my mind. Please, Uncle, I'm so confused, I need your help. I need to know what to do, I don't know if I can let her die again, but she lied to me. I'm so angry and hurt still. I can't let the Avatar live and lose everything I just got back! Please, tell me what I should do."
Iroh didn't answer. He wasn't sure if he actually expected him too. Standing up he felt even more conflicted than he had before, but he knew one thing. It was up to him to solve this problem, alone.
"Forget it. I'll solve this myself. Waste away in here, for all I care!" Zuko shouted as he walked away, opening the door to his cell.
He gave Iroh one last forlorn look, before walking out, shutting the door quieter than the last time. The door clicked close and Zuko felt his heart sink further into his own self made despair.
~Break~
Zuko found himself in the industrial district of the city, it was hardly ideal, but at least Azula wouldn't be able to catch wind of this. Walking across the tracks he removed his hood as a flock of birds flew overhead. It was nearing morning and he had to get this finished before anyone awoke in the palace. A large man approached him and he knew this was the right guy.
"You're sure you weren't followed? I've heard about you. They say you're good at what you do and even better at keeping secrets. The Avatar's alive. I want you to find him, and end him." Zuko whispered.
They locked eyes and he wondered if he did the right thing by putting the hit out on Aang only. But, it didn't matter. This was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. If Mira was smart, she would leave, go into hiding, and live the rest of her life out that way. It was the most he could do for her now.
~Break~
"I'm so excited to spend the weekend on Ember Island. It'll be great to hang out on the beach and do nothing." Ty Lee said excitedly.
"Doing nothing is a waste of time. We're being sent away on a forced vacation. I feel like a child." Zuko complained, standing up to stare out into the water.
"Lighten up. So dad wants to meet with his advisors alone, with no one else around. Don't take it personally." Azula sighed.
"Doesn't your family have a house on Ember Island?" Ty Lee asked.
"We used to come every summer when we were kids." Azula answered.
"That must have been fun." Ty Lee smiled.
"That was a long time ago." Zuko whispered as the boat came into dock.
Those were the thoughts he wanted to avoid the most while he was here. Of course Ty Lee couldn't help but open her mouth and remind him about it. It wasn't her fault, she rarely had a filter to the point of irritation. But it was easier to say nothing and stew in his self earned anger while shooting Ty Lee a withering glare. One she always misunderstood and returned with a smile.
~Break~
"Welcome to Ember Island, kids." The twins spoke as they disembarked the ship.
Looking behind them Zuko saw the small house they were most likely staying at. Sharing confused and unimpressed looks with everyone else, they filed off and were led towards the smallest house on the hill. Crossing through a cloth partition they entered the twins home to find it decorated as pink as possible. Wrinkling his nose he took in the room disliking it immediately.
"It smells like old lady in here." Zuko whispered to Mai.
"Gee, I wonder why." She responded back flatly.
"Who are these two beautiful ladies?" Ty Lee asked, pointing towards a painting on the wall of two young girls wearing yellow bikinis.
"Can't you tell?" One of the sisters asked.
"It's Li and me."
"It's Lo and me."
They said at the same time, mimicking the pose in the picture. Zuko held in a gag and covered his mouth, that might have been more than he wanted to know or see. Entering into the bedroom area, they were met with an even more ungodly amount of pink decorations. Ty Lee jumped onto one of the beds, bouncing for a moment as she pressed her hands into the bedspread.
"Oo, I love this seashell bedspread." She complimented.
"Are you serious? It looks like the beach threw up all over it." Mai complained.
"We know you're upset that you were forced to come here this weekend. But Ember Island is a magical place. Keep an open mind." One of the twins said.
"Give it a chance." The other finished.
"And it can help you understand yourselves and each other." They spoke together.
One of the sisters picked up a smooth stone and held it up.
"The beach has a special way of smoothing even the most ragged edges." She said, rubbing the smooth stone.
Azula yawned in boredom as everyone else stared around in confusion. The twins began to clap and disrobed.
"Time to hit the beach!" They shouted together as Mai covered his eyes.
~Break~
So they found themselves at the beach much to Zuko's chagrin. They had changed out of their clothes and into bathing suits. Everyone around was lazing about, swimming, or doing some other pointless task. It was almost as if everyone had forgotten there was a war happening. He held up an umbrella for Mai, who had complained about the sun's harshness on her skin. She hated the sun like she hated most everything else. Azula was leading them at the front as Ty Lee carried her own large beach bag filled with god-knows-what behind them. It was hardly an ideal situation.
He found himself idly wondering if Mira would have liked it here. She probably would have loved the sun and would have sat in it the entire day with how cold she ran. He most likely would be spending his time keeping her out of trouble or from offending someone accidentally than actually getting to relax. Although, he was here with Azula, which meant no one here was going to relax. She stomped through some kid's sandcastle as if reading his thoughts, causing them to burst into tears. They ran off as she glowered at them, kicking their pails way.
"Hey, need some help unpacking?" A random guy asking, sliding up next to Ty Lee.
"Sure, thanks." She smiled.
She handed him the heavy bag and he wobbled for a moment, before falling to the sand. He hastily began to unpack the bag, throwing things out until he found a towel and laid it down for her. With a sigh, Zuko turned away to lay down his and Mai's towels and set themselves up in the shade of her umbrella.
"Could you scooch just a little bit more to the..." Ty Lee requested, motioning for the boy to move. "Perfect."
"Here, this is for you." Zuko said, finding a conch shell on the beach and offering it to Mai.
"Why would I want that?" Mai asked blandly.
"I saw it and I thought it was pretty. Don't girls like stuff like this?" Zuko asked, feeling confused.
Mira and his Uncle had spent a lot of time collecting beautiful shells together, they always seemed to make her happy.
"Ugh, maybe stupid girls." Mai responded as she turned away.
Zuko felt anger in his gut and felt his emotions twisting around. He felt embarrassed, stupid, and defensive. Only stupid girls huh?
"Forget it!" He yelled, feeling suddenly offended for himself and for Mira.
The shell landed beside another guy, who looked around confused, before catching sight of Ty Lee and wandering over as well. He rushed over, offering the shell to Ty Lee who took it gratefully.
"Wow, Thanks. This is so pretty." She gushed.
"Not as pretty as you are." The guy responded.
"That shell's not so great." The boy who was providing shade complained.
"Ahem, shade." Ty Lee reminded the poor boy.
Zuko stood up with a sigh and walked off, not wanting to bear witness to the stupidity any longer. Wandering the beach he decided to get him and Mai some ice cream cones. That had to be a safe bet to offer as a gift. Better than some stupid shell even. Grabbing two single scoops he walked back over and sat down beside her.
"I thought since it's so hot...here." He offered as the single scoop of ice cream fell off the cone and onto Mai's lap.
"Thanks. This is really...refreshing." She sighed.
Well, he blew that fantastically well. Turning around he noticed his sister was watching a game of volleyball. She smirked and he knew they were going to be dragged into whatever it was she was thinking. Heaving a heavy sigh he tossed his own ice cream cone away and waited for whatever Azula was going to say.
"Hey beach bums, we're playing next," She said, turning towards them. "Ty Lee, get over here now."
Ty Lee smiled and stood up, walking over to Azula on her hands; always the show-off. Zuko stood up with a sigh, removing his robe as he and Mai joined Azula and Ty Lee. They entered the court and Azula pulled them into a circle.
"See that girl with the silly pigtails? When she runs towards the ball, there's just the slightest hesitation off her left foot. I'm willing to bet a childhood injury has weakened her. Keep serving the ball to her left and we'll destroy her and the rest of her team. Dismissed." Azula ordered.
They got into their positions, Zuko at the front with Azula. Azula served first, throwing the ball up into the air and kicking it over the net. She hit just to the girls left, spinning it so fast no one was able to react in time. It was the other team's turn to serve next, when it lobbed over the net, Zuko hit the ball with a kick, setting it up for Azula to spike over the net. She hit it to the pigtail girl's left and got through just as she had predicted. Ty Lee served the ball next, hitting it into the air before landing on the net and balancing with a smile. The other team managed to hit the ball back over to which Mai responded by pummeling the ball over the net. When the ball was returned once more, Azula launched herself off Zuko's back and spun, kicking the ball with such intensity, it hit the ground with crackling fire causing the other team to scatter. The net was now on fire as Azula looked on with deranged joy.
"Yes, we defeated you for all time. You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!" Then, her tone shifted and she turned to regard the rest of them. "Well, that was fun."
"I'm having a party tonight. You should come by." A new boy offered to Ty Lee.
"Sure, I love parties." Ty Lee accepted.
"Your friend can come too." The boy's friend said.
"Uh, what about me and my brother? Aren't you going to invite us?" Azula said as she crossed her arms.
Mai looked over in confusion and Zuko felt jealousy rip through him as he glared at the boy.
"You don't know who we are, do you?" Azula asked, confused but somewhat impressed.
"Don't you know who we are? We're Chan and Ruon-Juan." The boy responded.
"Yeah!" The other agreed.
Zuko stalked over in a germ ready to pummel the guy into the dirt, but Azula stuck out her arm halting him.
"But...fine, you're invited. Just so you know, though, some of the most important teenagers of the Fire Nation are gonna be at this party, so...try and act normal." The boy relented snobbishly.
"We'll do our best." Azula smirked.
~Break~
"Why didn't you tell those guys who we were?" Zuko asked Azula at dinner.
"I guess I was...intrigued. I'm so used to people worshipping us." Azula answered.
"They should." Ty Lee brown nosed.
"Yes. I know, and I love it. But for once I just wanted to see how people would treat us if they didn't know who we were." Azula continued.
"Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate. Ember Island reveals the true you." One of the twins sagely said.
Zuko chewed on his food as he sat next to Mai who was leaning on him. He felt bored by the conversation and wondering what Azula had up her sleeve this time. She was acting unusually...normal. The twins then stood, clapping and snapping symbolizing the end to their meal.
"To the party!" They cheered, raising their fists.
~Break~
They arrived at the party at the time they had been provided. Azula knocked on the door using their large dragon knocker, leading their party as usual. The boy from before opened the door giving them a confused look.
"Um...you're a little early. No one's here yet." Chan said.
"I heard you'd be partying from dusk till dawn. It's dusk, so we're here." Azula smiled, looking out at the sunset.
Zuko looked away knowing exactly what Mira would say. She would whine if someone had to be the first guests to show up, why not them?
"But that's just an expression." Chan tried to say once more.
"We are the perfect party guests. We arrive right on time because we are very punctual." Azula said, slapping her first into her hand for emphasis.
The boy sighed, then shrugged, motioning for them to come in. They followed him, not even bothering to close the door.
"Alright, listen, My dad's an admiral. He has no idea I'm having this party, so don't mess anything up." He warned.
"That's a sharp outfit, Chan. Careful, you could puncture the hull of an empire class Fire Nation battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea. Because, it's so sharp." Azula said rigidly as she pointed at Chan's outfit.
"Um...thanks." Chan said, pointing at her.
"Hey, first one's here, huh?" The other boy asked, brushing the hair out of his face as he stared at Ty Lee.
"Che, he thinks he's so great," Zuko complained as he looked over at Mai. "Well, what do you think of him?"
"I don't have any opinion about him. I hardly know him." She snapped back.
"You like him, don't you." Zuko accused.
"Ugh..." She sighed, stalking off.
Zuko stared at the boy with a frown before turning and walking away.
~Break~
The rest of the guests slowly started to trickle in after them, before turning into a full blown party after about an hour. There was food and drink laid out everywhere in the house as music was playing. Zuko looked around, irritated. He disliked crowds and disliked parties even more. Ty Lee was cornered by a bunch of guys as he sat down on a couch with a sour Mai.
"I'm bored." Mai complained.
"I know." Zuko sighed.
"I'm hungry." She continued.
"So what?" He responded.
"So, find me some food." Mai ordered.
"Sure." Zuko relented, standing up as he heard Azula awkwardly laughing loudly at the other side of the room.
He wandered towards the food laid out and collected a few things on a plate, before getting her a drink so he wouldn't need to make two trips. He felt frustrated with everything today. Nothing was going right and he and Mai seemed to be at each other's throats. Since when had things become so hard between them? Maybe she had changed more than he realized. Or maybe he had.
Walking back over he felt the plate of food get knocked out of his hand by a careless party goer.
"Hey, watch it! That food was for my cranky girlfriend!" Zuko shouted, getting into the boy's face.
Pointing over to Mai he found her talking to the boy from before, reclining comfortably as she gave him a soft smile. Jealousy reared its ugly head and he stomped over, steam snaking from his nostrils. He twisted the boy away, taking his potion with a smile.
"What are you doing?" The boy yelled.
"Stop talking to my girlfriend." Zuko demanded.
"Relax, it's just a party." The boy said, walking back over.
Zuko shoved him away and he landed in a vase, crushing it to pieces.
"Zuko, what is wrong with you?" Mai asked, grabbing his shoulder and turning him towards her.
"What's wrong with me?" Zuko roared.
"Your temper's out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hot-headed and angry." She yelled back.
"Well at least I feel something as opposed to you! You have no passion for anything. You're just a big blah!" Zuko yelled back.
"It's over, Zuko. We're done." She hissed as she turned away.
"Who broke my Nana's vase?" Chan cried.
The boy pointed towards Zuko.
"That's it, you're out of here!" Chan demanded, pointing a finger into Zuko's chest.
"I was just leaving." He grunted, stomping out of the house.
"Have fun by yourself, loser boy." The boy gloated.
"Nice." Chan praised.
Zuko slammed the door as he left.
~Break~
Zuko felt angry and lost as he stomped down the paths of Ember Island. He wasn't sure where to go or what to do. Mai had just dumped him, rather publically, but he couldn't bring himself to be bothered by that fact. He felt so lost. Everything was wrong, and nothing felt like it should have. He was angrier than he had ever been and the only thing that seemed to have changed was him. He didn't fit anymore and he wasn't sure how too. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He missed his uncle, he missed Mira. He missed the brief feeling of calm he had felt in Ba Sing Se. Everything was so messed up but he wasn't ready to blame himself, everything in his life was someone else's fault. It was easier that way. Remembering how she had lied kept him focused on his anger instead of his guilt, so he pushed away the thoughts as he came to the place he was heading towards; his family's old summer home.
He wasn't sure what brought him here, but this was the last place, the last time, things had felt ok for him in the Fire Nation. Back when his mother was still alive, back when Lu Ten was still alive. The doors were locked when he got there, so he kicked the doors in, taking care to try and leave the doors intact. He walked in finding their old family painting hung up in the foyer. He stared at it trying to remember the last time he and Azula had gotten along. The last time it felt like he had his father's love. Staring at his mother he remembered how much she had loved him and had kept him safe and unaware of all the problems going on within their family. Everything she had done, she had done for him and this...this is how he repaid her, with confusion and anger. He felt shame then, remembering Mira's promise to find out what had happened to her.
His mother would have loved Mira and feet deep shame for what he had done. He couldn't escape it, he let her die...or almost die. He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore, he so desperately hoped she had survived but didn't want Aang to have. He was unbearably selfish. Turning away, he couldn't face his mother's gaze anymore, and looked down, finding an old handprint he had made in some clay. Picking it up his thumb traced the small hands and he laid his much larger once overtop. It was probably back then that his family had last felt whole. She would have loved Mira and hated him for what he had done.
~Break~
Azula found him not long after, sitting on the front porch holding his clay handprint. She looked somber and calm for once, which almost surprised him.
"I thought I'd find you here." She spoke uncharacteristically soft for her.
"Those summers we spent here seem so long ago," Zuko said as he placed the clay art down. "So much has changed."
Azula looked at the house for a moment before motioning towards the beach with a soft smile on her face.
"Come down to the beach with me. Come on, this place is depressing." She said, turning away and heading towards the beach.
Zuko got up and followed, having nothing better to do, and left the hand print on the porch of the house. When they arrived at the beach Mai was glowering at him. He sighed and ignored the seat beside her until she spoke.
"Hey..." She said.
"Where's your new boyfriend?" Zuko asked hotly, instead of taking the seat like he wanted too.
She looked away and he sighed, walking over to take the seat she had obviously left for him, and turned towards her.
"Are you cold?" He asked, moving to place his arm around her.
Mai slapped his hand away and he let it fall, his face filled with confusion. Why was everything so hard with her?
"I'm freezing." Ty Lee answered.
"I'll make a fire," Zuko said, smiling at her as he looked up at his family's summer home. "There's plenty of stuff to burn in there."
~Break~
It didn't take long to set up a small bonfire on the beach. He watched his family's portrait burn up in flames as he threw it in. It was bittersweet, but felt like he was finally letting go of chasing his past. Something he had never really been able to do until now. Feeling more lost than he ever had before he threw another picture into the fire.
"What are you doing?" Ty Lee asked.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Zuko asked sarcastically.
"But it's a painting of your family." Ty Lee started to say.
"You think I care?" Zuko growled back.
"I think you do." Ty Lee answered.
He felt the anger burn his gut then, just who did she think she was? Assuming to know him so well. It had been five years since she had seen him last, and not one of them had tried to send even a letter to see how he was, not even Mai.
"You don't know me. So why don't you just mind your own business." He yelled.
"I know you..." Ty Lee sighed.
Zuko turned and walked away, feeling like he had had enough of the conversation. Just who did she think she was? Did anyone of them understand what he had gone through? Did any of them even care?
"No, you don't. You're stuck in your little Ty Lee world where everything's great all the time!" Zuko rounded on her, anger building.
"Zuko, leave her alone." Mai interrupted with a glare.
"I'm so pretty, look at me. I can walk on my hands. Whoo!" Zuko mocked, doing a handstand.
He locked eyes with Ty Lee and found her to be looking away, near tears. Guilt burning in his gut again, he rolled over and fell to the sand. His anger having nowhere to go but raging all the same inside.
"Circus freak." He finished, nailing in the last insult.
This caused Azula to laugh and he felt a small amount of pride that he wasn't alone in his thoughts. Even though her approval meant what he had said, and done, was probably terrible.
"Yes, I'm a circus freak," Ty Lee said, beginning to cry now. "Go ahead and laugh all you want. You wanna know why I joined the circus?"
"Here we go..." Azula sighed, having heard it many times before.
They all had.
"Do you have any idea what my home life was like growing up with six sisters who look exactly like me? It was like I didn't even have my own name. I joined the circus because I was scared of spending the rest of my life as part of a matched set. At least, I'm different now. Circus freak is a compliment." Ty Lee ground out as she fell to her knees, tears still leaking out.
"Guess that explains why you need ten boyfriends too." Mai responded, obviously in jealousy.
"I'm sorry, what?" Ty Lee asked, placing her hands on her hips in anger.
"Attention issues? You couldn't get enough attention when you were a kid so you're trying to make up for it now." Mai sighed back.
"Well, what's your excuse, Mai? You were an only child for sixteen years. But even with all that attention, your aura is this dingy, pasty, gray..." Ty Lee started to get worked up.
"I don't believe in auras." Mai responded as she crossed her arms.
"Yeah you don't believe in anything." Zuko said, standing up.
"Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you." She responded.
"I'm sorry, too," Zuko said, walking towards the fire. "I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside. She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?"
"What do you want from me?" Mai asked, laying down on the rock she was sitting on. "You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well it wasn't. I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted, as long as I behaved and sat still and didn't speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my Dad's political career to think about."
"Well, that's it, then. You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations and if you strayed from them you were shut down. That's why you're so afraid to care about anything and why you can't express yourself." Azula chided, amused by what was going on.
"You want me to express myself? Leave me alone!" Mai shouted at Azula as she stood up.
Zuko stared between the two of them, feeling confused and even angrier than before. Everyone had a reason for being the way they were, and he knew he did as well, but he still felt so angry despite how everything fell perfectly into place. How could he tell them he was angry he was here, angry at himself, and angry about what he had done.
"I like it when you express yourself." Zuko said instead, walking towards Mai with a smile.
"Don't touch me. I'm still mad at you." She growled, pulling away from his touch and presence.
She sat down not even giving him her attention. She closed her eyes, shutting him out once again. He felt anger then and he couldn't stop it from bubbling to the surface. He was so angry because everything she did reminded him of Mira, of how he had hurt her, and of how Mai was nothing like her. He was angry at himself for the thoughts, angry at Mai for failing to meet his expectations, and angry at himself for being here in the first place.
"My life hasn't been that easy, either Mai." He said, jerking his thumb towards his chest.
"Whatever. That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting." Mai shouted back.
"Calm down, you guys. This much negative energy is bad for your skin. You'll totally break out." Ty Lee advised.
"Bad skin?" Zuko asked, feeling his hackles right. "Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson on my face!"
"Sorry, Zuko, I..." Ty Lee started to say, reminding him of Mira and making his anger soar.
"For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home, now. My dad talks to me. Hell, he even thinks I'm a hero. Everything should be perfect right? I should be happy now, but I'm not. I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why." Zuko admitted, crying out his frustrations.
"There's a simple question you need to answer then. Who are you angry at?" Azula asked.
"No one, I'm just angry!" Zuko answered.
"Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko?" Mai pressed further.
"Everyone! I don't know." He deflected as he held his head.
"Is it dad?" Azula asked.
"No, no." He answered.
"Your uncle?" Ty Lee asked.
"Me?" Azula continued.
Zuko was having trouble grasping a thought, no not his uncle not Azula not...anyone really. He thought he was mad at Mira but...
"No, no, n-no!" He responded.
"Then who? Who are you angry at?" Mai asked.
"Answer the question, Zuko." Azula demanded.
His head was going in circles now and he felt the pain he had buried deep down and he remembered the look on Mira's face when she had died, when he had just let Azula kill them both. He remembered her broken body falling and how he froze, not doing a single thing. He remembered her smile, her promises, her kiss, and the night they had made love.
"Talk to us." Ty Lee said.
"Come on, answer the question." Mai added.
"Come on, answer it." Azula continued.
He closed his eyes remembering the look on his uncle's face when he was taken away and realized all the bad things that had happened, all the terrible feelings he had now, were his own fault.
"I'm angry at myself!" He shouted, causing the fire to rise up with his rage.
And he was, he had lost the only people he had loved and who had loved him back unconditionally. He was the one that had lied, that had betrayed them, and had screwed up.
"Why?" Azula asked.
"Because I'm confused. Because I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore, because..." His breath caught in his thought and he knew he couldn't mention how awful he felt about what he had done to Mira and his Uncle.
"You're pathetic." Azula laughed.
"I know one thing I care about." Mai said, walking towards him.
She placed a warm hand on his face and drew herself around him.
"I care about you." She said with a smile before kissing him.
He knew he loved Mai, too, somewhere deep down. He returned the kiss feeling sick inside, wondering if he was still doing the right thing. They were interrupted by clapping and they turned to find Azula staring at them amused.
"Well, those were wonderful performances, everyone." She said.
"I guess you wouldn't understand, would you, Azula?" Zuko spat back as he drew Mai closed. "Because you're just so perfect."
"Well, yes, I guess you're right. I don't have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but I don't really care," She said, turning away. "My own mother. Thought I was a monster. She was right of course, but it still hurt."
"What Lo and Li said came true. The beach did help us learn about ourselves. I feel all smoothed. I'll always remember this." Ty Lee said, rubbing a small pebble between her hands.
"You know what would make this trip really memorable?" Azula asked with a wicked gleam in her eye.
~Break~
They arrived back to the familiar wooden doors with the dragon knocker and Azula knocked once again. The party seemed to be still swinging when they arrived causing Zuko's grin to twist menacingly.
"We've got some bad news, Chan." Azula said as Chan answered the door.
"Party's over." Zuko growled as they pushed their way through.
And make it memorable they did. They trashed the house party they attended, together. For the first time since returning home, Zuko felt welcome where he was, and supported. For how long that would last? He wasn't sure, but for now it was enough because it had to be,
It had to be.
~Chapter 9 End~