The last days had been quite a blur and a sort of a roller-coaster.
Since his reunion with Kerri, he'd abandoned his vague plans to settle on other planet with Maarva and Bee. He knew it wasn't safe for Kerri to contact him through the ordinary channels, due to her membership in the rebel organization. For the time being, their only means of communication was the clandestine radio unit Bix used at Repaak Salyard. Cassian was one of the very few people who knew about that radio hidden at Salman Paak's scrapyard, as it operated under the radar, what meant that if the Empire discovered its existence, Salman would have very serious trouble.
Cassian supposed that a significant handful of people on Ferrix were rebels in their own secret ways, and Salman was no exception.
He couldn't leave Ferrix at present, because he'd lose his only connection to his sister. And as a consequence, he'd changed his previous plans. Instead of starting anew somewhere else, he was investing a chunk of the credits the Fulcrum had given him in exchange for the Starpath Unit in improving the living conditions of the flat he shared with Maarva and Bee (and years earlier, with Clem too). He wanted to make their home more comfortable for his mother, whose health wasn't very good as of late. He'd already payed his debts to his creditors and he still had a good amount of credits left, nearly thirty thousand. A lot of productive things could be achieved with thirty grand on a planet like Ferrix, where the population made the most of almost everything.
A small, bothering inner voice told him that another reason to stay (a reason he was reluctant to admit openly to himself) was Jyn's presence in his life recently. It was true that they'd just seen each other a couple of times since she had taken residence at Peg's, although he'd commed her daily to inquire how she was faring, but those had been short conversations. They'd both been busy and besides, Cassian didn't want to overwhelm her. He supposed that she needed her own space and to get used to Ferrix on her own terms, so he mostly had let her be. After she had moved into Peg's apartment and Cassian had helped her find some stores and other useful places, he'd restrained himself from asking to see each other, except for the day Kerri had come back to him, when he'd sought Bix and Brasso at their work places and commed Jyn, all in order to ask the three of them for the gathering at the bar that evening to tell them the news.
He'd been excited to meet Jyn again and even more to share such wonderful news with her. He hadn't felt so nervous since he'd started to go out with Bix ten years back, when they were both sixteen. Their stormy relationship had lasted for five years with many ups and downs, frequent fights and two or three breakups and reconciliations. He'd been too restless, not truly ready for a serious commitment, often going and coming, and she'd gotten tired of waiting for him to make his mind up. So they'd agreed that they were better just as friends than as a couple, and from then on they went their separate ways. They had still had sex a few times after their definitive breakup, as a sort of a means to remember old times or because it was hard to let the past go, but especially because the sex between them had always been nearly the only thing about which they'd never quarrelled and, even though it didn't erase the chasm between them, it made them feel good and helped them forget while the furtive trysts lasted. But they finally understood that they had to stop, because it could only bring more pain and heartbreak in the long term. If they truly wanted to move on and remain friends, instead of becoming strangers to each other, the best course of action was to avoid any contact or interaction beyond friendship. That had worked, and even though they still had their quarrels from time to time, they had each other's backs, always. There was an unbreakable thread between them and nothing could change that.
He'd had numerous affairs and one-night stands since his romantic relationship with Bix had fallen apart. Some of his pickups had been from Ferrix, but he preferred to search for sexual partners on other planets, and there were times when he'd had two or three simultaneously, with each of them none the wiser about the others, though Cassian was straightforward about his intentions from the start and didn't make any promises about fidelity or commitments. For his part, he didn't care about their lives beyond their encounters with him, so if they also screw other people apart from him, he didn't give a damn.
His mother and Bix often scolded him for his messy sex life, which admittedly he hadn't been too discreet about, and gossip spread almost as fast as lightspeed.
By the time he'd met Jyn on Morlana One, he had two hookups, a human female from Niamos, and a twi'lek female from Ryloth. He didn't mind their species, as long as they were appealing to him and the sex was good.
But the moment Jyn had entered his life, the other women had fled his mind as if they hadn't ever existed. He realized that he'd spent a few days without devoting a single thought to any of them, or planning future visits. Suddenly, they'd stopped being appealing, period. He understood that he at least owed them an explanation; they deserved to be told that he wouldn't see them ever again, that the affairs had come to an end. He knew he had to tell them, and he would, as soon as possible. It was simply that he'd been too distracted with everything that had happened lately and he hadn't remembered them at all. Not that him or any of them was obliged to anything, but it was a simple gesture of courtesy Cassian couldn't deny them.
He'd never been so cautious with any female or had achieved the degree of restraint he was experiencing around Jyn. He was in the middle of an inner struggle, and he didn't know what to do. Was it too soon to show her any interest beyond mere friendship? Were his turbulent feelings requited? What if she didn't want anything to do with him if he disclosed his burgeoning attraction? It was so frustrating. He'd never had such issues before. He always had known when someone was interested in him and the rest had been easy. Not even with Bix had he been so scared or felt so insecure at the beginning of their relationship.
There was only one person he could talk to about all that.
Brasso.