40) Swing My Heart Across The Line

If he tried to back track through the progression of his thoughts and the way he'd changed since he'd come aboard Serenity, it was hard to pinpoint one thing that had tipped the scales.

Carolyn wasn't an idiot. She knew he hadn't quite made up his mind about this 'rejoining the human race' thing. He'd been willing to try it. Take on his 'ladies' as part of his little family or crew or whatever you wanted to call it. Of course, at that point Carolyn hadn't told him her thoughts about Jack and what Jack might want.

And damned if that hadn't unnerved him a helluva lot more than any sky shark ever could. Little Jack? Skinny little Jack in his bed? Hell no. The thought of it was wrong in a way he couldn't articulate. (Didn't want to, didn't want to have those memories in conjunction with Jack. Pushed away the thoughts as quick as he had them.) Carolyn, she was a friend (back when they'd come aboard Serenity she was more sort of a friend, getting there anyway) and sex with her was always worth the time. She couldn't take him as hard as he'd like always, sometimes still felt like he had an itch he couldn't scratch but she also never asked for more than he could give. Never demanded something he couldn't bring himself to do. Or insisted on doing something he didn't want. That and her willingness to 'translate' what she called societal norms into something he could understand made her more of a friend than anyone had been to him in a long damn time.

He wouldn't ever have thought he'd find a group of people just as screwed up as he was. Or that he would like them if he did. But the crew of Serenity was all kinds of gǎo zále. In ways he hadn't really understood until he'd been on the boat for a while.

They didn't let it cripple them though. And damned if he didn't like that. Mal had nightmares in his eyes. Zoë had pain and old regrets in hers, twisted with hope for that child growing in her belly. The contrast of Doctor Simon Tam and his Core manners, general decency and the worn gun belt and Colt on his hip. Kaylee's cheer and sweetness and the flashes of fear in her eyes when Riddick seemed to come out of nowhere.

He'd stopped doing that to her. Making her jump like he did Carolyn, Mal and Zoë, even Simon, no fun in it when he caught the vivid scent of terror wafting off her skin. Reminded him of the dicks in the foster homes who used to mess with animals. (He knew they'd work their way up to people eventually.) So, he made sure he walked good and loud (by his standards anyway) when he moved around Kaylee.

Riddick had counted it a personal victory back when he'd made Inara jump. She'd looked (almost) irritated and he'd given her a grin. Then she'd laughed like she had caught onto his joke and shaken her head at him. He'd have figured when he first saw her that she'd turn her nose up at him. But she'd been polite and perfectly willing to speak with him. Never seemed to mind the questions he had. He guessed asking out of ignorance and wanting to learn suited her better than back handed slaps disguised as inquiries.

And then there was River. She was a little mystery he couldn't quite unravel. A genius with the cortex, damn good pilot and if there was something she couldn't figure out no one on the boat had come across it yet. He didn't know anyone who could have taken his offhand comparison of beauty and cherry trees and come up with that poem he'd read back when he was around ten and still in school. But she'd gotten it.

Flirting with her was a helluva lot of fun too.

But with River it was more than flirting. More than crowding her in doorways and breathing in that beautiful scent. Talking at midnight when he was coming off a shift on the bridge and she was going on… realizing he could be content to just watch her move around the kitchen. That he'd be pleased to simply steal a kiss even if he wanted more than that. He'd planned to stay long before he'd made any sort of conscious decision. He guessed Carolyn had figured it out before he did, since she'd had that talk with him about taking up with another woman while he was fucking someone else.

He wasn't sure Jack really paid enough attention to know that he had one foot out the door the entire time he'd been with her and Carolyn. For damn sure he hadn't wanted to really get attached to either of his 'ladies' even though that had happened despite his best intentions. He spent more time than he liked trying to figure out how make certain Jack knew she was in the little sister zone. He'd guessed she understood, accepting it as a fact…that was another matter entirely, as he'd discovered.

Because Jack might not have seen he was half ready to take off, but she'd for certain noticed his preoccupation with River. Jack's mouth around his dick at midnight had made that painfully (disturbingly, embarrassingly, felt so tā mā de wrong) obvious. He doubted Jack had intended it as such, but she'd given him the perfect excuse to shift quarters.

River's eyes had gleamed knowingly as he'd come up the crew bunk ladder to take over the bridge and she'd chuckled, a soft sound that brushed against his skin. "He has decided…or is no longer hiding his decision from himself," She commented.

"Figured I might as well take a crew bunk. A noise-making lockin' door, that's somethin' I have a use for about now," He admitted with a grimace as he took the pilot's chair.

"Wondered when she would make her move," River admitted as she shifted to the co-pilot's seat, swiveling it to face him head on.

"So am I just blind and everyone but me saw this coming or was it just you," Riddick tilted his head at her.

Those strong slender shoulders lifted in an elegant shrug, "Easier for her to see. Jack's…dislike of me, because she sees no difference between the two of us, yet you tease and flirt with me and not her."

"So, you figured on this happening," He wasn't exactly thrilled that she'd had suspicions and hadn't seen fit to warn him.

"Believed Jack would do something, but not what," River shook her head. "Would have warned you had it been a certainty." She spread her hands, "Jack does not confide in me."

"Yeah I know that," Riddick sighed. "I have no idea what to do about her. Inara gave us some suggestions before she left but Jack isn't exactly…receptive to any advice from me at the moment."

"Or Carolyn either," The slender woman agreed quietly. "Sixteen is…" She sighed, "I would there were no age between sixteen and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep out the rest; for there is nothing in the between but getting wenches with child, wronging the ancientry, stealing, fighting."

Okay yeah, he kind of got what she meant. Teenage years were a time of idiocy all around and he hadn't noticed anyone under the age of twenty-five being all that bright either. There were exceptions (River being one) but they were few and far between. At least in his experience. "Okay, yeah," He nodded. "I just didn't think she'd be that tā mā de stupid about it."

"Want blinds her to sense," River shook her head. "She…grapples with uncertainty."

"That ain't anything new either," He agreed. "Nothing's certain in life except death and taxes, isn't that how the saying goes?"

"True enough," She nodded and tilted her head, "He will miss his talks with Inara?"

"A bit," Riddick shrugged. "She made it easy to learn things. Everything was so precise you know?"

"Reconnaissance," River murmured, and he figured Mal had passed on what Carolyn told the Captain about Riddick's habits. "His manners are not terrible. Not Core society perfection but perfectly acceptable for Serenity's social class." She smiled at him, and lifted one shoulder in a shrug, "If you wish, Simon or I, we will help you. Can answer questions at least."

He nodded thoughtfully and tilted his head, "Got the impression from Mal's reaction to me flirting with you…you don't date much?" It was a shift in topics again but there were a few things he wanted to know. And if he waited around for people to drop information into random conversations he'd be waiting until he was old and grey the way the crew kept their mouths closed about River.

She smiled, that teasing curve of her lips that suggested she knew where he was going with this and he might (or might not, depending on her mood) have to work for the information. Most of the time he disregarded his half-baked theory as completely improbable and then a situation like this came up and he found himself revisiting the idea. "Dating is problematic when there are no eligible men on the ship," She shrugged. "He might have noticed, we do not spend much time dirtside, unless there is work."

"True enough," Riddick considered her. She moved like a woman. Not a girl. He had a decent amount of experience and a lifetime of watching people. There were very few individuals in the world who moved with an unconscious sensual grace and had not had sex. Sex was the rhythm of life after all, the epitome of blood pulsing through the veins. "Though if you're just looking to scratch an itch, I heard tell it's not hard to find someone for it."

"Offering," Her dark eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Fuck you with no strings? Do I look like I want to get thrown off the boat without the benefit of atmosphere?" He retorted, "I'm not a complete hún dàn. And I'm not stupid either." Hell, yes he wanted sex with her (and more than that if he was being honest), but he didn't want to get thrown off the boat either.

River's smile tilted gently, "Never would accuse him of stupidity." She shook her head. "Ignorance is not the same."

"No, it's not," His palms itched to touch, to do more than rub up against her in a doorway or crowd her against the galley counter. "Mal mentioned you were a little messed up when you and Simon first got on the boat."

"Very unwell at the time," She nodded. "My brother…gave up everything he had, everything he might have done or become on Osiris, in order to support me."

"Seems like he's a pretty good sort," Riddick nodded. Simon was decent. And that wasn't a word Riddick threw around lightly. Decency was damn rare in his world.

"The best of brothers," River smiled. "Serenity…helped me. I began to get well here."

"You never thought of going back," He wondered about that. Sure, Simon was obviously in love with Kaylee, and she with him, so it made sense for him to stay. But River...a woman like her could have a fine life in the Core.

"Parents wouldn't believe there was anything wrong," She shook her head sadly. "Told Simon to leave her be. All ties are broken, bridges are burned. The clock cannot be turned back."

"Sorry," He was. Not like there was a helluva lot he could do but it sucked balls that her parents just ignored whatever was wrong, because it was inconvenient, sounded like. One thing for foster parents, non-relations or whatever, to not give a damn. But blood relations who'd raised you? Weren't they supposed to care about their kids?

"Nothing to be done for it," She shrugged. "Simon did his best for her. Gave her the coming-of-age ceremony when appropriate."

"What's that like?" He'd never heard of anything like that growing up. If you were of age, it meant you could vote, so long as you hadn't been an Independent or a convict. And you could work. Though most started that long before eighteen in his experience. He'd vaguely heard some religions gave you a ceremony when you were considered a man. Bar Miks-something.

"Nice dinner, something pretty to wear, a woman of the family to put her hair up for the first time," River smiled. "Escorted to a social event."

"A social event," He repeated trying to picture what would pass for such on Serenity or the places they favored for work.

"In this case, a nice dress, protein masked as chicken and dumplings, and got taken out to a bar fight," River grinned. "Not quite what Simon had in mind, but a good time was had by all."

"A bar fight," Now that he could picture, though he'd be willing to bet Simon had been un-thrilled with a brawl as the chosen social event. (And how in the hell do you arrange that?)

"Fun," River grinned more widely. "Drinks after."

"With Mal and Simon," Riddick couldn't seem to picture those two drinking together.

"Kaylee drank with Simon. Mal drank with Jayne while Zoë and Inara kept an eye on all of us. Inara provided introductions to the girl's drinking partner." She spread her hands, "Intellectual understanding does not always equal practical knowledge or comfort. Some alcoholic libation eased the…process of experiencing sex with another person."

"Hmm…" He wouldn't have figured her for losing her virginity after a bar fight. "Simon was okay with that?"

"Underwent procedures at sixteen to remove the remains of the hymen," She shrugged as if it was unimportant. "Annual shots to prevent conception and birth control packs upon arriving on Serenity."

"Doesn't really answer the question does it," Something off about her answer. Something beyond normal shyness in discussing first experiences.

"Didn't say she'd answer every question," Dark eyes narrowed at him, and she apparently decided to turn the tables. "When was his first sexual experience?"

Riddick felt his jaw clench at the memory and deliberately relaxed the muscle, prevaricating, "Not that I talk much about my early life… Sixteen."

She tilted her head and maybe as a peace offering or to even the score, murmured, "Experience was… distant… uncomfortable to an extent." She shrugged, "Parts were enjoyable… but haven't found the experience worth repeating."

Oh, now that just sucked. She'd waited all that time and then the idiot Inara found for her didn't even do right by her? His opinion must have been obvious in his expression because she continued, "Trust is not easy, and without trust, such activities…pall," River murmured. "Not terrible just not…inspiring."

"Gotcha, experience doesn't do any good unless you learn from it." He smiled at her and let every wicked thought he'd had about her show on his face. "Learned an awful lot…be happy to give you a demonstration."

"Learned pleasure at her own hands," She confided in return. "But his offer is…generous." A naughty little smile curved her lips.

"Love to see that sometime," He grinned outright. Yeah, that'd be a sight worth waiting for. He might even enjoy getting on his knees for her. Or at least experimenting with it.

"Perhaps…" River stood. "The arms of Morpheus beckon," She stretched, and a slender white hand trailed up his arm and over his shoulder, gentle and he barely kept himself from turning and pressing his mouth to that pale skin. "Have a good night."

Author's Note: So a little bit of introspection on Riddick's part and a little flirtation. And a few hints on both their parts. These two are wading a little deeper into this attraction they've got going.

Chinese Translations:

gǎo zále (fucked up)

tā mā de (damn it! / fucking) (taboo curse)

hún dàn (bastard) (individual who has at least two biological fathers and one biological mother - bastard / scoundrel / bastard / hoodlum / wretch)

Quote Sources:

I would there were no age between sixteen and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep out the rest; for there is nothing in the between but getting wenches with child, wronging the ancientry, stealing, fighting. * The Winter's Tale - William Shakespeare