THE FIRST TIME
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - FRIENDS WILL BE FRIENDS
"Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love
They give you care and attention"
QUEEN (From the album "A Kind of Magic" (1986))
Sent: January 12th, 1999
From: ThatWitterGuy
To: AGirlNamedJoey
Subject: My birthday and how little I´m looking forward to it
Hi, Honey. As you know, my birthday is only a few days away and from what I can tell, no one seems to remember that it´s coming up. Dawson hasn´t mentioned it at all and when I brought it up to my mom, all she said was that with the lawyer bills thanks to the divorce, we won´t be able to afford throwing me a party. Maybe it´s for the best, because it doesn´t feel like I have anything worth celebrating during these depressing days, where all I do most of the time is miss the heck out of you.
With me having to maintain a B average for the rest of the school year, I´ve had to study a lot harder lately and you know how I feel about doing too much studying. Right now, it still feels like it´s impossible to achieve, but there´s a new girl at school named Andie, who´s kind of like you in many ways, that´s been helping me out in return for me helping her brother Jack to fit in. Hopefully, with a whole lot of help from her, I´ll be able to somehow get that B average and avoid getting held back. Jack is a cool guy and kind of the artsy type, like you used to be, so I can only imagine that you´ll get along with him splendidly. Jen seems to love talking to him and they´ve hung out alone a few times, so I´m not entirely sure if she doesn´t already have a crush on him. With Jen´s bad luck in love though, I wouldn´t be all that surprised if it ends up as yet another round of big disappointment for her.
I really didn´t mean for this to come off sounding as bleak as it became, when I started writing this and I don´t want to ruin things for you over there in France, where you have your own problems to worry about. Just know that I love you more than life itself and I think about you all of the time.
Your (longing far too much for you) boyfriend.
Pacey.
Sent: January 13th, 1999
From: AGirlNamedJoey
To: ThatWitterGuy
Subject: re: My birthday and how little I´m looking forward to it
Hi there, you wonderful hunk of man! I´m missing you too, like you wouldn´t believe and while I´m not counting down the days to us seeing each other again just yet (it would make me feel too down, with how long it is until then), you´re in my thoughts most of the time, if not all of it. France is slowly starting to agree more with me with every passing day and my host family is really nice, but there are still moments where the longing for you becomes almost too much to bear. Luckily, I have my new friend Emma to hang out with and take my mind off how much I miss you, or I´m pretty sure that I´d be starting to feel homesick already.
You have to do something to celebrate your sweet sixteen, even if life doesn´t feel all that sweet to you right now. You know that I´ll still love you no matter what and that I didn´t choose you for your academic talents, so if you do get held a year back, please don´t feel like it´s the end of the world or anything like that. Whatever happens, we´ll get through it together, I promise and which grade you´re in won´t change anything between us. You´re still the only guy in the world for me, don´t ever forget that!
I love you, love you, love you, love you, love you!
Your very own Joey.
Sent: January 13th, 1999
From: AGirlNamedJoey
To: SpielbergsDisciple
Subject: Pacey´s birthday.
Hi, Dawson. Have you forgotten all about Pacey´s birthday? It´s only a few days away, remember?
Sent: January 13th, 1999
From: SpielbergsDisciple
To: AGirlNamedJoey
Subject: re: Pacey´s birthday.
Something is in the works, that if all goes right should cheer him up. Don´t tell him anything, because it´s a surprise.
Party planning had never been Dawson´s strong side and for that reason, he´d decided to ally himself with Jen in planning Pacey´s upcoming surprise birthday party. After she´d been invited to it, however and after her having told her new "Replacement Joey" Jack McPhee about it, Jack´s sister Andie had asked if she could join in as well. This was what had led to them now being in Dawson´s room and trying to make a list of who to invite.
"What about Pacey´s family? Shouldn´t we invite them?" Andie asked, after she´d quickly prepared a sheet of paper with the headline "Pacey´s B-Day Party" written at the top of it, with a crudely drawn birthday cake underneath the writing.
"With his parents still not being on speaking terms? I could easily see it turning into a drunken horror show, if we invited them" he answered and it made Andie look worried on Pacey´s behalf. If this girl wasn´t having the crush of a lifetime on his best friend, then she was surely doing a great job at pretending that she was.
"They´re really that bad?" Andie asked sadly and both himself and Jen nodded in unison.
"I haven´t met his older sister Gretchen yet, but from what I can tell from talking to him, she´s the only one that he has a healthy relationship with out of the lot of them. You should hear how his brother and dad talk to him sometimes, Andie. It´s perhaps the only times, I don´t feel as bad as usual, over how messed up my own family is" Jen sadly answered her.
"What about his mom?" Andie asked.
"With everything that´s been going on lately in regards to her divorce from Pacey´s dad, I doubt it if she even remembers, that it´s her son´s birthday. His dad might, if Doug reminds him of it enough times, but I wouldn´t bet my life-savings on it" Dawson replied to her. When it came to the lottery of which family, you were born into, his best buddy had been given a pair of duds, if anyone in Capeside had.
"That´s so sad!" Andie exclaimed, while looking like she genuinely felt bad on Pacey´s behalf. It made Jen and Dawson smile slyly at one another over how blatantly obvious it was, that this girl had "far more than just friendly" feelings for Pacey.
"Okay, so party guests. Let´s see ..." he began a train of thought, that he wasn´t sure where he was going with.
"There´s the three of us and my brother, so that´s a start" Andie said, while she was writing down their names on her sheet of paper.
"We should invite his brother and sister, or they´d be disappointed. Even if they can´t come, I´m sure that they´d want to send him a greeting of some sort" he chimed in with and Andie was quick to write their names down.
"There´s Abby and ..." Jen began and clearly couldn´t think of more names to add to their list. Neither could any of the others.
"Is that really it, as far his friends go?" Andie threw out there.
"There´s my parents, if they count. I know for sure that Bodie and Bessie like him, but they´ll either be too busy at the restaurant or with babysitting Alexander, to attend a party with a small bunch of teenagers. I guess, that´s it!" Dawson thought out loud and if they couldn´t make the guest list grow by at least a few more people, it wouldn´t be right to call it more than a small gathering at the most.
"I feel so bad for Pacey, that he doesn´t have more friends here" Andie told her brother, while they were in the bathroom and getting ready for school the day after.
"It wasn´t like either of us had a boatload of friends back in Providence either" Jack mumbled, still with his toothbrush in his mouth and trying to put on a pair of socks at the same time, while she was using the sink.
"We still had more of them, than he has. I´m starting to get the feeling that he´s always been an outsider here".
"In that case, you should make the perfect couple!" Jack joked, though the smile on her face must have put other thoughts in his mind, since it put a frown on his. "And by that, I didn´t mean that you should try to steal him away from that Joey girl! I´d like to think that I´ve made my feelings perfectly clear on that subject!"
"Like there isn´t something in the air, when it comes to you and Jen? I´ve seen the way she looks at you. It reminds me of the way Kate used to back home, before you guys broke up!" she told him teasingly.
"She´s just a friend!" Jack tried interjecting.
"Give it a month and then, we´ll see! She´s cute, you two clearly find talking to each other very easy and she´s been nothing, except for extremely nice towards the both of us, since we got here. So, what´s the problem?" she inquired, even if this clearly wasn´t a subject he felt like debating.
"It´s a guy thing! I wouldn´t expect you to understand!" he told her in an unequivocal tone that ended the topic in an instant.
It was only moments later that their mother Andrea came in there with a confused look on her face.
"Have any of you seen Tim this morning? I´ve looked all over the house and I can´t find him!" she bewilderedly asked and it made the twins look at one another in a way that said "Please, not Again!".
"Mom, Tim is ..." Jack began, until Andie felt the need to stop him.
"Away at college. Don´t you remember, mom? He finished high school ages ago!" she told her mom, who lit up in a smile.
"Of course, silly me! Do you need me to drive you two to school today?" she asked in such a kind and friendly way, that they couldn´t say no to her.
"Sure, mom. Give us five minutes and we´ll be ready to go, I promise" Andie told her and after them smiling at one another, her mom left them alone.
"What if we get pulled over by the cops and they find out that she isn´t allowed to drive on the heavy medication, she´s on?" Jack asked and while it hadn´t crossed Andie´s mind, the alternative would still be worse.
"It´s a risk, I´m willing to run, everything considered. Anyway, do you want to stay here with her all day and listen to her again refusing to understand, that Tim died in that accident last year? We both know that neither of us will get her to accept it yet, so it´s just easier this way" she answered, not wanting to talk about this more than she had to.
"We can´t go on like this forever, Andie! At some point, she´ll have to start accepting that he´s gone and he isn´t coming back from the grave!"
"That point isn´t now, where we have to be at school in a little over half an hour!" she told him off, before storming off to her room, to see if she could avoid crying again over the loss of the older brother, who had meant so much to both of them and still now, was the reason why their little family was constantly on the brink of falling apart.
After he was done dressing himself and getting his teeth brushed, Jack came in to join her.
"I´m so sorry, if I made you upset. You know that I miss him as much, as anyone does" he told her calmly, before sitting down next to her.
"Her children are her entire life, Jack. You can´t expect her to get over something that traumatic so quickly. It takes years of nurturing and understanding, to get that far".
"I´m trying all that I can to be understanding, Andie, I really am. Dad should be the one dealing with this, not us! That sorry sack of sh ..."
"Don´t say something, you´ll regret later!"
"How is this fair on us, Andie? He´s far away, hiding out from the problems with mom, that we´re forced to face every day and instead of being here to help out, like he knows perfectly well that he should be, he´s left you and me to be stuck with picking up the broken pieces of what´s left of our family! He´s a selfish prick, you just don´t want to admit it to yourself!"
"Someone has to keep bringing in the money, so we have something to survive on" she tried arguing, even if she knew that she was making excuses for a man, who didn´t deserve her making excuses on his behalf.
"With the kind of resumé he has, I´m more than certain, that he could have easily found a well-paying job in his field in Capeside. He just doesn´t want to, because it´s easier for him to leave his mess, for us to deal with. You don´t still see Tim, when he isn´t actually there, do you?" he asked, looking very concerned for her.
"Not for months now, I assure you. Seriously, it isn´t me, you should be worried about" she tried telling him, although him worrying about her didn´t look like it would change for a good while to come.
"As your twin brother and with all that we´ve gone through, it´s my sworn duty to worry about you, Andie. It´s something, you´ll just have to accept and I won´t hear another word about it!" he told her with a wry smile and after a small comforting side hug, they made their way off to school.
Dawson had spent the first part of the morning wrecking his head with who else, he could invite to Pacey´s birthday. He could ask his girlfriend Mary-Beth to come and know that she´d be more than welcome, but it wasn´t like her and Pacey knew each other all that well, or ever talked to one another, if he wasn´t there with them. The only other names, he could come up with were Chris Wolfe, whom Pacey sometimes talked to at school, but if he invited him, then Jen would surely boycott the party, just so that she wouldn´t have to deal with him hitting on her all evening long and Melissa, whom Pacey hadn´t talked to more than a few times since grade seven. Even if her and Abby were starting to get all kinds of chummy lately, after Abby had (quite bravely, he had to admit) saved her from Belinda´s bullying, it wasn´t like you could say that Melissa and Pacey knew each other anymore, aside from as a pair of classmates.
"Why so glum, chum?" Abby cheerfully asked him, when they happened to be sitting next to one another and waiting for their next class to begin.
"Don´t tell him, but I´m trying to put together a surprise party for Pacey´s birthday".
"Ooh, I love surprise parties! I mean, I´ve only ever been to one before, but it was pretty fun, from what I remember. Who´s on the guest list, aside from myself, whom I´m assuming should be expecting an invite soon?".
"Not all that many and that´s the problem. Then there´s the issue of if I invite this person, will it make someone else not want to come? All I have to say is that I´m glad, I won´t have to do this every week!" he frustratedly told her.
"Can I invite Melissa? Her and Pacey used to be friends after all, so maybe this could be the perfect opportunity to rekindle that friendship" she joyfully suggested and it didn´t sound like the worst idea, he´d ever heard.
"Yeah, sure you can. You two are becoming close in record time, aren´t you?" he asked out of curiosity, since the two girls were hanging out so much that they´d already been given the joint nickname "Abbyssa", by some of their classmates.
"What can I say? She´s a hell of a girl, that one!" Abby smilingly replied and it made him smile to himself, that after all of the BS Pacey had told him about that poor girl having to go through and still was going through with her truly awful parents, she´d managed to find someone that she liked so incredibly much and also liked her back, like Melissa very obviously did in the same way.
Soon after, their teacher (which to his luck for this class was "Miss Foxy") arrived and it gave him something else to think about for the next close to an hour.
Andie had, for once in a rare while, had trouble concentrating on her school work that day. It was thanks to all of the thoughts racing through her head, mostly about her mom, whom Andie had to come to grips with, wasn´t progressing to nearly the same degree that her doctors hoped, she would have been by now. The first half year after Tim´s death had been like a nightmare that wouldn´t end for all of them and the visions of him, where it would feel like he was right there with her, when he was in reality long gone, had only made it all that harder to move on for her. At first, she´d kept them to herself (also because mental illness ran in her mother´s side of the family and she didn´t want to be stamped as "Crazy" by anyone), until it had led to her being at her wit´s end and she knew better than anyone, that she never wanted to go to a place that dark within herself ever again. Thanks to the pill cocktail that her shrink in the psychiatric hospital she´d stayed at for a few months, had put her on, the visions had gone away altogether and compared to where and who she was before Tim´s far too soon exit from this world, she could say finally that she was coming close to something resembling a full recovery. While she was aware that life would never be the exact same for any of them, as it was before she lost her older brother, there was a deep-seeded desire in her to move on that had kept her going, even throughout the worst parts of the unbelievably rough year, she´d just survived through. To know that her mother still hadn´t progressed much at all past those first few months of trying to comprehend that she´d lost a son, filled Andie with a sense of dread that the mother, she loved as much as life itself, might never fully recover and in the worst-case scenario, would have to once again be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where she could be given around the clock care. Even if it could be the best for her mother logically speaking, she wasn´t ready to be without any of her parents at all yet and on top of that, she was starting to greatly enjoy living in this small coastal town.
Capeside was a fresh start for both her and Jack, who said that he kept seeing "The Ghost of His Brother" (not literally, thankfully) everywhere in Providence and after their father had been suggested by their mother´s doctors, that moving their mom from the hustle and bustle of the city, back to the small town that she´d grown up in, could prove positive in her recovery, they´d both been fully on board with it instantly. Of course, it had been a little bittersweet and nostalgic to say goodbye to the only place they´d ever called home, but there was also a silent agreement between them and their dad, that this was something that they simply had to do, for their mother´s recovery´s sake. She´d been a bit worried over, not so much herself making friends (since her cheery nature usually made it pretty easy for her), but more for Jack, who could be painfully shy and it could be almost impossible to get to open up, when it came to people, he didn´t already know. Probably for that reason, his entire social circle (with the exception of herself) had consisted of two boys that he´d known since kindergarten and Kate, who´d been the girl next door since they were around eight or nine and also, Andie´s best friend aside from her brother. If it hadn´t been for herself pushing Jack in the right direction, it´s unlikely that they would have ever dated and when they found out that he would have to break it off with Kate, she´d thought that he would have been a lot more broken up about it, than he seemed to be. Instead, he´d looked relieved when he´d told her that he´d broken up with Kate, which at the time had felt a little cold to her, considering how long they´d dated and that he´d known Kate since they were kids. But, at the same time, she was also glad that he was embracing the idea of starting off with a clean slate somewhere else, where they wouldn´t have the darkness of the past, following them everywhere they went. She could already tell how the change had begun to greatly affect him in a positive way and him quickly finding a like-minded soul in that really sweet Jen girl (who was clearly crushing big time on him, by the way!), gave her hope that their future from now would consist of nothing but bright skies ahead for their family.
If only it hadn´t been for those dark skies always looming within visibility range, she would have believed it with all of her heart, too.
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE