It's been three weeks since that fateful day he ducked out on Elena. Karma is one mean son of a bitch though; he hasn't seen her since the day she walked with him.

And now... either she makes a point to be absent when he drops off her mail or she pretends to be. Approaching her house, all the curtains are closed again, he hears nothing when he steps onto her porch to stick her mail in the box.

"Elena," he whispers and closes his eyes for a moment before backing away and continuing his route.

Remorse.

Guilt.

That's how he feels at this very moment and every day at this time. He wishes he had a time-turner so he could go back and rectify the mistake - the worst of all he has done.

However, he cannot. It's Impossible. And now he has to live with it. Remorse etches at his heart. Guilt gnaws like a worm at the core of an apple. His throat thickens as memories flood his mind.

"Don't you think she's a little too immature for you? She's so young, Damon. It's not only that, she's flighty, doesn't know what she wants to do, not to mention how naïve and inexperienced she seems."

"Katherine, it's none of your g-d business who I choose to date. I like Elena, I like her a lot."

"I'm not the only one thinking this, the others are just too afraid of offending you to bring it up."

"Then why did you and why are you always on my ass, Katherine?"

"You're my little brother of course, and you're an attorney, moving up in the ranks, making a reputation for yourself, why settle for that little mouse?"

"I'm not settling for anything. I'm going to say this only one more time, I enjoy her company, how carefree she is and she's not irresponsible. If I remember correctly, you didn't pick a major till you were almost a junior in college. Aren't you being a little hypocritical?"

"You're hopeless. When this all goes south, don't come whining to me, I don't want to hear it." She picks up her purse and walks out of the restaurant, leaving Damon to pick up the tab.

Despite the fact that he and Elena are effectively in limbo right now, Katherine was very wrong, he doesn't regret loving Elena then, now, or ever.

After he finishes her neighborhood, he heads back to his truck. He makes a point of parking it near her place on the off chance that he'll catch a glimpse of her. He sits in the cab for a few minutes just watching but as he does every day now, he returns to the station with a knot in the pit in his stomach.

Full of melancholy, Damon first clocks out and then determined to talk to Ric, he looks for him. He did a bang-up job of driving Elena away; has he done the same with Ric? It seems so, on a personal level, they've been pretty much strangers. To put it simply, Ric's been ignoring him.

It's not like he has an overabundance of friends, he has Enzo and whether he can still count Ric among them, he's not sure. He turns in his keys and checks out but before leaving the building, he stops by the man's office.

Rapping on the door, Damon stands at the threshold till Ric looks up.

"Damon, did you need something?"

"Can we talk?" Damon asks.

Ric can see something on his face and gestures with his hand for him to come in then drops his eyes back to his computer. "Give me a minute to finish this," he says without acknowledging him.

Without saying anything in response, Damon sits down, takes a silent breath, and watches his friend. Regret comes to him in quiet moments, such as when he's going to sleep or stops to take a lunch break. It seeps into the foreground of his mind and demands to be reexamined yet again. But no amount of self-examination is going to turn back the clock. He has to get on with the here and now and make better choices this time.

Looking up, he notices Damon watching him. "What is it?"

"I know I've made a mess of my life; I alienated Elena, I alienated you, I caused deep wounds to everyone I care about. You know what they say about hurting those we love the most. I'm sorry, Ric, I truly am. You have every right to hate me, I understand but you hated me before and we became friends. It would suck if that was gone forever. So, is this it? Have I lost you forever?"

Ric gets up, pushes the door closed, and sits back down, dropping his elbows on his desk, he tents his fingers, his eyes piercing Damon's.

"Look Damon, you burned a lot of bridges, caused a lot of hard feelings. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have put my neck on the line to get you this job. I will admit that I'm proud of what you've accomplished so far. I still remember the bad and there was a lot of it... but friends help each other."

"I know that, Ric. I've been attending AA meetings, let Enzo beat me up more times than I care to mention, I guess just need to know that this," he gestures between them with his index finger, "isn't over for good."

"No, of course not. I'm not trying to punish you, Damon, but it takes time to rebuild trust."

Damon stares at him for a few seconds. Standing up he walks to the door. Opening it, he pauses and looks over his shoulder. "Thanks for being straight with me."

Without saying another word, he leaves, his heart in his throat. But at least Ric didn't shut him out completely...

After leaving Ric, Damon drives to the gym, feeling the unquenchable need to burn some of his nervous energy. His body is teaming with adrenaline, It seems unfair that no matter how hard he strives to be the man his conscience wants him to be, it keeps taunting him with his failures. Guilt and regret weigh on him like an unforgiving specter and he knows when he wakes up the next day, it will be there to haunt him all over again.

Enzo can see something is troubling Damon the minute that he walks in. The stiff set of his shoulders, his quick strike, the grim look on his face. Telling the kids on the mat to chill, he approaches him.

"It's written all over you, did something happen?"

"I'm okay but thanks for asking."

"Come into my office, I got a jug of orange juice just waiting for us," he winks and Damon can't help the smile that forms on his face.

Damon takes a seat while his friend pours him a big glassful. "Talk to me."

"I tried talking to my friend Ric but there's so much water under that bridge, I don't know if we'll ever be as close as we once were. It's my own fault, all of it is, I've burned, and scorched everyone I care about."

"Did he say that it was too late?"

"No, but he made it pretty clear that he's nowhere near ready to put the past behind us. I don't begin to know how to make it up to any of them."

Taking a long swallow, his mind drifts to Elena and how she must feel exactly the same as Ric. In his heart, he wishes he could retract all the bad things he ever said and did. They were never a reflection of her, only on his inner demons dragging him to the depths of hell. He withdrew to punish himself.

Now she's gone, fled to another man who likely gives her hugs instead of cold stares, acceptance and not demands, respect, and never condemnation.

He doesn't deserve her, but every day he hopes that Kol treats her well, that he'll be able to give her all the happiness he failed spectacularly at giving her. He wishes she was still at his side, that he could make amends, that it's him she snuggled with after dark but it's not...

"Damon?"

"Sorry, I was just feeling sorry for myself."

"None of that," Enzo scolds and refills his glass.

"You're right," Damon clinks their cups together. When they finish, they go out to the mat and go at each other as they've done many times already.

When they finish, Damon surprisingly feels a little better. He shakes Enzo's hand and goes home to Onyx.

Damon is tired when he gets home. He showers and then crawls into bed, even though it's not late yet. Turning on the TV, he finds a movie, adjusts his pillow, and starts to watch it. Onyx is sleeping quietly against his chest, stretched out with her little paws resting on his upper arm. She's always on his mind, even if they can't be together, she'll always own his heart, it's been hers since the first time he kissed her.

In the rain, Elena's hair becomes one with her face, wetly draped over the bone structure that drives him crazy. Her expression is serious. He wonders if she knows how crazy that drives him, how it makes him want to feel every inch of her skin.

At this moment, here at the busy intersection, cars rushing past with wipers in full swing, they can't. He pulls her hand to stop her and moves in front, toe to toe and they kiss.

The passersby melt away, the traffic too, and the moment is theirs. For the kiss, it's as if they've been transported somewhere heavenly, and perhaps if it weren't for the cold Oregon rain, he might believe they had.

On that happy memory, his consciousness ebbs, and his mind goes into free fall, swirling into the chaos of the past.

His room is silent and it's comfortable, a slight blast of cool from the air conditioner. He kicks off his shoes and slides them under the bed. Laying down, he stares at the ceiling, his fingers raking through his messy hair. His emotions are so conflicted. Looking around the room, it's her pictures that are taped to the walls, only her, he's unworthy of sharing that precious space with her.

Suddenly the trap springs shut - caught between opposing needs. The need to love and the need to let go are such a dichotomy. When one side dislikes the other and his love becomes a stamp of pain or maybe even worse? What then? He can no more turn off the emotions than alter the tides.

The only choice is to choose the right thing, to abandon something, someone precious, or drag them down too. Isn't it just one of the ways to break?

Shifting onto his side, his eyes land on the writing desk. As much as he wants it, wants her more than he wants his next breath of air, she's beyond it... His heart strays where it shouldn't have and now his mind must pull it back to within the confines in which it is permitted to roam. Dragging himself upright, he gets out of bed, pulls the chair out, and sits down. Pulling the drawer open, he pulls out a notebook, an envelope, and a pen. Brushing the hair out of his eyes, he picks it up and starts to write.

Dearest Elena,

My life is a mess, maybe it will always be. You did nothing wrong, it's me who fucked up. My current state is not good. I've hurt you so much and I don't want to cause you any more pain. I am sorry for being such a fool and treating you as less than you are. You deserved so much better; I failed you on so many levels.

You have every right to be angry, you have no idea how angry I am at myself. I only hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me for wrecking the best thing in my life.

Ribbons of sunlight are streaming through the blinds when Damon's eyes snap open at the sting of tiny claws digging into his neck. Onyx is curled in a ball in the curve of it. "Cat," he rolls slightly, pulls her onto his chest, and starts petting her, smiling when her motor starts running.

Throwing his free arm over his eyes, he lies for a few minutes waiting for the alarm clock to ring. Shifting again, he reaches over to pull open the drawer, picking up a photograph that Rebekah took. He and Elena are at the beach, both dripping wet, embraced in a kiss. Pressing it against his chest, he closes his eyes, remembering how good he had it and how happy he was, once upon a time...

Damon is sitting on the beach lulled by the languid flowing of the tide. As he watches the waves carelessly dribbling onto the sand, he simply can't turn off his mind as much as he'd like to, even for a few moments.

What Elena saw in the smooth twilight of July is something that conjures powerful images in his mind. He sits transfixed watching the sky just above the horizon. He starts when he hears his name, whipping his head to the side just as his father reaches him.

"Dad?"

"Hey, I thought maybe I'd find you here. This place has always been where you come to think."

"I'm pretty predictable ha?" he shakes his head, his eyes remaining downcast as a soft salty breeze gently strokes his skin.

"Do you want to talk about it? Although if I were to wager a guess, I'd say Elena might have something to do with it."

"I don't know what to do, Dad. I've let her down so many times, not to mention the pain I've caused her. You weren't there to see her face when I'd gut her time and time again. I don't deserve her, I never did."

"That's not true, Damon."

"Yes. It. Is." He raises his head and meets his dad's eyes. "I know I have no call to be angry but how come none of you checked on her? I know I'm the one who blew our relationship but you all knew, know what she means to me... Why?"

"I stopped to talk to her a couple of times, not long after you left but she was busy with school and we were all busy with our lives. But Damon, I didn't know if she'd want a reminder of everything, we put her through. She's a good person, I know she would've been gracious despite everything but I didn't want to be the source of more grief for her either."

"God, Dad. I've lost everything. I'm trying so hard to walk this thin line but it's hard."

"I can't put myself in your shoes, I don't know what struggling with addiction is like that psychological urge. I wish I knew how to make it easier for you but I don't."

"I don't either... I was going to sit down and talk to her that day of the barbecue to celebrate Rebekah's pregnancy. I saw her with Kol Mikaelson the night before."

"I think this is something you should discuss with her..."

"What I saw was pretty intimate. The worst part was how happy she looked..."

"Son?"

"Enzo stayed with me that night so I wouldn't fall off the wagon. It should feel good to see her smile like that but it hurts. I knew seeing her with someone else would crush me. It felt so raw and visceral and all I wanted to do was run. And so, I did, thereby sealing my fate with her."

"I'm sorry, Damon."

Damon nods, staring at the ocean in front of him. The shoreline becomes a figment as if it evaporates in the heat.

Even though he feels his father's arm rest on his shoulders, despair is burgeoning inside of him. It's a heady blackness, blocking the only way forward he once dreamed was possible. Now all hope has vanished, faded to nothingness, like it was never there at all. The notion of it has become meaningless, if his mind should linger on such ideas they start to feel like cruel tricks, as cruel as any desert mirage. The bonds he has, the ones that keep his heart beating, feel so thin that even they are a terrible weight...

Hopefully, Damon won't show up tonight. Enzo knows he has another AA session, if everything's going well... He has his doubts though. Damon's been edgy for many reasons but in his opinion, the sessions make it worse. It's happened more than once that he stormed into the gym at the same time, he should have been at one of his meetings and then they had the most intense hour on the mat.

It's all about trying, still, Damon seems to be trying too hard. A few times he was tempted to tell him to quit but he doesn't want to discourage him, there's still a chance it'll change and he finds himself on firm ground.

A few of his customers need his assistance and when he looks at the clock the next time, it's almost an hour later.

Almost time to breathe out a sigh of relief.

"Bye Enzo," Brady calls at him and another guy waves as they're leaving.

"See you next Wednesday?"

He turns to go to the office but the door his two buddies opened doesn't snap shut. Surprised he watches a pretty brunette enter, she seems to be in the wrong place but somehow is confident enough to take a look around and approach him.

"Hello, I'm... a teacher from Destination's Academy, my students were here for a lesson a couple of weekends ago."

"Yes...," Enzo can't think of anything to add, luckily, he's well trained in the art of the poker face. "Was anything wrong?"

"Oh no, on the contrary," she smiles and it makes all the difference. She's not just pretty. She's beautiful and kind. She also looks sad and Enzo knows that she is. "They loved it here, I came to ask if, perhaps, we could do this... regularly?"

It's not her only reason, he thinks but nods readily. "Of course, it'd be my pleasure, it'd be no problem to agree on a day and hour that suits you."

"That's really good news, the kids will be pleased. I'll make arrangements with the school principal." She looks somewhat hesitant about how to continue, then finally gives him a short nod and turns to leave. When she reaches the door, she addresses him one more time. "Do you work here alone?"

Enzo takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "Yep."

He's waiting, waiting... taking in the disappointment she can't hide. "A friend of mine helps me out occasionally, he was here when the kids were."

"Okay," she nods and reaches for the doorknob. "Thank you, I'll be back." She slips into the night and disappears.

Damn right, she will be...

Enzo contemplatively locks the door, trying to comprehend this unexpected turn of events.

He just met Damon's Elena.

Thank you all so much.

Chapter title: All That I Bleed by Savatage.

Oiselet's story- "Bob's" is no longer just a one-shot.

Have a fabulous day and we'll see you soon with 16.