A/N: Hi hi! Happy Tuesday! I know this is a day late, but I was in Chicago, so I hope you understand :)

Her heart raced as she sat up in bed. Looking around her apartment, she tried figuring out what she'd just heard.

She'd definitely been dreaming, and, in her dream, Jay was home. It was a dream. Jay was home in her arms, and it'd been perfect. He finally came home to her - none of this "eight months or more" crap he'd been saying.

But the gunshot, the thing that rocked her bones and made her blood freeze, that couldn't have been in her dream. It'd woken her up. It felt too real to be a dream.

And it'd been a dream.

It had not been one of the nightmares that'd been haunting her for months. Everyone had been alive in it, and everyone had been happy. It was not a nightmare. Gunshots did not exist in dreams.

Carefully sliding out of bed, she padded out of the room to look out the window. Nothing seemed to be going on in the harbor, and it might even be too far for the gunshot to sound as loud as it'd been.

Glancing over at the side table with all her pictures on it, she chewed her lip and debated calling someone. It had just seemed so loud. It had to have been something.

She walked back to her room to pick up her phone. With a sigh, she opened her messages and began typing out a text.

~ Just heard a gunshot. Ideas? ~

She sat on her bed and took a deep breath. To her surprise, her phone buzzed almost immediately. She hadn't expected to hear back from Adam so soon and figured he must have had a case of insomnia as well.

But it wasn't Adam replying to her text; it was Jay.

~ Close? In apartment or out? ~

She blinked and stared at the screen. She absolutely had no idea what any of that meant.

Opening her phone, she breathed, "Oh," and realized she'd made a mistake: she'd texted Jay instead. Her body was probably so used to automatically texting him in the middle of the night that it'd made the choice for her when she picked up her phone.

~ Sorry, meant to text Adam ~

~ Doesn't matter. What's going on? ~ Jay

~ I don't know. Just heard a gunshot. It woke me up ~

~ Sure it wasn't a dream? ~ Jay

Hailey frowned and stared down at her phone. There was just no way it was in her dream. Her body's reaction felt all too real to be a dream: the way the hair on the back of her neck stood up and how her heart froze in its pattern. It had to have been real.

~ Yes ~

~ Ok. I say call Kevin or someone else. Take a walk through the building. See if anything's going on. If not, go back to sleep. I'll stay up till you can update me ~ Jay

~ You don't have to ~

~ Hailey ~ Jay

She couldn't help but smile. She could so clearly hear him saying her name as if he was right here whispering it in her ear. Closing her eyes for a moment, she nodded then stood back up to retrieve her gun from the safe in her closet.

As she called Kevin, she took several deep breaths. Jay was alive. He was texting her and being calm. He hadn't been the one who'd gotten hurt. Jay was safe.

He was in Bolivia, but he was…alive. He was alive.

"Hey, what-"

"I heard a gunshot; can you-"

"Yeah."

Kevin didn't bother ending the call, so she sat on the end of her mattress listening to him shuffle around his house. A small part of her felt silly for calling him right now, but Jay had been right in saying she should: back-up would be better than nothing.

Then again, she'd gone without back-up plenty of times in her life. She'd been fine before.

She was fine now on her own.

She'd been without her partner and back-up for months now and survived. She could do this.

She tucked her phone between her ear and shoulder while going to slip on her shoes.

"All right, on my way. Do you know where it was coming from?" Kevin asked.

"Not sure," she whispered as she stuck her keys in her pocket and slid out the door.

"Give me five."

"Yup."

She held her phone in her hand and debated turning it off before pressing the speakerphone button and sticking it in the waistband of her sweatpants.

Walking slowly down the hallway, she listened for any sign of distress or movement, but things were silent.

It had been real, though.

There had been a gunshot, and she needed to know where it came from.

Nothing stood out on her floor, so she made her way to the one above her just for things to be silent there as well. That same prickling in her bones started returning in fear that she'd been wrong. Her heart sank as she approached the stairwell again.

Perhaps her nightmares had started leaking into her daily life. The lines between real and not real were blurring with each sinking second that Jay was gone. Imagining Jay was there to comfort her to sleep was one thing; hearing a gunshot that wasn't there was something completely different.

"Please," she whispered as she pushed open the door to the stairs, "Please, please."

Her mind couldn't be playing tricks on her. She was a good cop. A good detective. She knew that. Jay knew that. She could not let him down by saying she was starting to hear gunshots that didn't exist. She couldn't let herself down.

She couldn't let Kevin down.

She could not have just called him asking him to come to her apartment building on account of gunshots if it was all in her head.

Groaning, she quickened her steps down the stairs. She could check her floor again. There needed to be something.

There was a gunshot. She knew there was.

"Hail, I just parked."

She scrambled to grab her phone at Kevin's fuzzy voice and said, "Okay. I'm going to double-"

The bang startled her.

"Calling it," Kevin all but yelled into her ear before the line went dead.

She took off running down the stairs. Her heart pounded out of her chest and the hair stood up on the back of her neck – just like before. But this time she wasn't in bed. She wasn't taken out of a dream because of the gunshot. She could follow her instincts completely now. Now she could feel in control.

Throwing open the door to the floor below, she listened for anything that could have indicated what was happening. A few people were looking out in the hallway asking what had been happening. She heard even more locks being engaged as she ran down the carpet, yelling at everyone to go back inside.

"709! It's coming from 709!"

She nodded and yelled back, "Get in your apartment and close the door. Close the doors!"

Skidding to a stop in front of the apartment door, she took a deep breath, tightened her grip on her gun, then announced, "Chicago PD, open up!" before barreling through it.

It's twelve hours later when she finally responds to Jay's text.

The domestic assault case that cracked through her perfect dream kept her busy for the remainder of the night and most of the morning. She had one dead body, a widowed wife in the hospital, and twin boys that were terrified out of their mind. None of it made it easy for her to reply to a text from her husband. She knew he would understand.

What they were hoping to be an open and shut case became twisted with a crumpled up letter in the kitchen and a bank transaction for $5,000. She had no desire to stop, but Trudy insisted and Kim followed her to the bathroom to ensure she was actually taking a shower instead of working in the locker room like she wanted to do, and she had no choice but to take a fifteen minute break.

Sitting on the bench with her damp hair soaking into her fresh t-shirt, she stared at her phone and debated what to even say. She could apologize for taking forever to reply. She could explain the case in detail. She could just say hello. There didn't seem to be a right answer.

She finally let out a sigh, though, because she knew it needed to be done. She had hated when Jay had dodged her texts and avoided talking to her for hours on end, and she refused to be a hypocrite.

~ Jay ~

In a way, it was funny. He'd sent her her name; she was sending him his. It worked. It might not have been the most appropriate, but at least it was a response.

After another minute of staring at their texts, she decided she couldn't wait any longer and stood to begin towel-drying her hair. She made her way to the mirror to stare at herself as she did so. It gave her more time to settle her heart rate and take a deep breath after she'd been moving nonstop since waking from her dream.

She closed her eyes to relive the feeling of Jay in her arms. Warmth. Safety. Reassurance. They were all things she could feel seeping in her bones to replace the fear that had shaken through her hours before.

Someday, she would feel those arms again. Unfortunately, it couldn't be today.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, breaking her from her thoughts. She dropped the towel to the floor while reaching to grab it. She didn't even have a chance to smile at his face filling her screen before it was placed to her ear.

"Hi," she breathed.

"I'm assuming it was something," Jay greeted in return.

She nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat that had been there since she caught the case. "Yeah, yeah, it was something."

"Dammit. I…are you okay? You're okay, right? You're not in the hospital? Will didn't call me. He said he'd call me if you-"

"I'm not at Med. I'm okay."

"Oh, thank god. Oh my god. You…Hailey."

And that's when it clicked.

He was in Bolivia. If something were to happen to him, she didn't know how long it'd take her to find out because she was in Chicago.

In hand, that meant that she was in Chicago, and he was in Bolivia. If something were to happen to her, he didn't know how long it'd take him to find out because he was in Bolivia. He couldn't always get to his phone right away, so if someone were to text him or call, there wasn't a guarantee that he'd actually see it. It had to have been scary.

She knew it was scary for her.

When it came to their partnership, she was well aware that he was protective of her from the very beginning. While being partners might not have been his first choice, he took it seriously. He had her back from the very beginning just like she had his. Even when she'd been kidnapped, she did not blame him in the least. She knew he beat himself up over it, so, to combat it, she invited him over for pizza and beer. His apologies over what had happened littered their conversations no matter what she said to him. Even as he'd left that night, his hand had lingered on her arm as he said one last apology. It'd meant a lot to her despite feeling like it was unnecessary.

And then they started dating, and it seemed to increase by tenfold. He never did anything to compromise her job, but they'd get home or back to someone's apartment and his eyes and hands would wander over her as if double-checking she was okay. He'd whisper questions about a fall she'd taken or a comment a suspect had said to her in the box. His mind was always on her well-being.

She hated that it probably still was while he was in Bolivia. If he was there to focus on himself and get better, he couldn't be constantly worrying about her when there was nothing he could even do to protect her at work. It was out of his hands.

Just like he was out of hers.

Jay was saving himself while causing them both pain they never wanted to experience. The Catch-22 of the situation was intolerable.

"It was a husband and wife," she quietly explained as she picked up her dropped towel and made her way to the bench. "We're trying to explain the money part of it, but it looks like he was paying someone to follow her. Wherever she went today – or, I guess, last night – pissed him off. He lost it. He-He shot her after beating her. Killed himself too because his kids found him. I…it's awful, Jay."

He sucked in a breath then groaned.

"I wish I was there," he breathed after a moment, "I wish I was with you."

She nodded. She wished he were there too.

Staring at the tiled floor, she chewed on her lip then said softly, "But you're not. You're not here, Jay, and…and we need to accept that right now. I need to deal with this on my own while you deal with…with yourself."

The words hung like a storm cloud above them. She was outright refusing his help and, in a way, refusing to help him as well. She individualized their problems with a simple sentence. It hurt to acknowledge so easily. Despite the time between now and when he'd left, she wasn't quite sure she'd done that yet. They'd both still wanted to help the other even while in different countries. Maybe now was time to let that go.

"Hailey, you…you know…I care about you."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "I know you do," she said softly, "That's not what I'm saying. I'm just trying to accept that as much as I want you to hold my hand through this, you can't."

On the other end of the call, Jay sucked in a breath. Perhaps she imagined it, but she swore she could hear his heart racing, though it could have been her own.

"Eight months or more, right?" she whispered, "We have to get used to it at some point, Jay. We can't live in delusion forever. We both have jobs."

Jay scoffed slightly and mumbled, "Yeah. Different jobs now."

Hailey shook her head with a sigh then opened her eyes just to fixate on the bench opposite of her. Over a year before, they'd sat on that bench together as she experienced her first panic attack in years. His one hand had felt large against her back as he tried getting her to calm down while the other offered her support as she squeezed his thumb with all she had. After that panic attack, she'd had one more during their engagement before they disappeared with their marriage. Unfortunately, he hadn't been there to hold her hand that second time as their lack of communication was what led to it. It'd been difficult to gain control back of herself, but she somehow managed while laying alone in bed.

It was what she had to do a year later when she had her next one the day after Jay left for Bolivia.

Acceptance had been the only thing that got her out of her bed that day, and it was what was going to get her off this bench today.

"We'll get through this, right?" she asked softly, "I mean, I got through my human trafficking case and that was on my own."

"But you talked to me about it," Jay argued gently, "You didn't keep it inside. We've been talking through it all."

"You're saying you've told me everything?" she countered, "You haven't kept anything inside over the past few months?"

There was a beat before Jay said, "It's different."

"How?"

"It is."

"Jay."

"It was kids, Hailey!"

She sucked in a breath, and her phone slipped slightly within her hand. She'd known through his vague texts and calls that something was bothering him, but he'd never told her exactly what had happened. It hadn't sat right with her even though she hadn't asked him about it. She just figured it was a part of how he was getting better.

It was another harsh reminder that she needed to speak up more. Their problems had been hard to acknowledge when he was right there in front of her and appeared to be even harder when they were separated.

"Jay," she repeated softly, "Jay, talk to me."

"I thought you wanted us to deal with things on our own."

"Jay," she bit out, "That is not-"

"If you want me to share, then you need to share too."

"Share a domestic violence case you've seen millions of times before? Why? It's not going to do any good."

"It's going to let you talk and get it off your chest."

"So you can acknowledge that talking can help."

"Oh my god, Hailey. Maybe I don't want to tell you."

"But maybe you should!"

"Hailey?"

She froze at Kim's voice. Letting out a quick breath, she turned to see her hesitantly walking closer to her.

"Sorry," Kim said softly, "I just figured you'd want to know that one of the boys just called and was ready to talk. Voight suggested Adam and Kev go, so they left a minute or two ago."

"Oh, okay," she replied numbly.

Life was still moving on even with Jay gone. Even when the two of them were fighting, everyone else was living their lives and doing their jobs. They were the two that were stuck back in October struggling to accept their situation.

It felt odd.

She blinked and looked away from Kim. Wetting her lips quickly, she cleared her throat and said quietly, "I need to go."

"Okay."

She hated that word and couldn't help but roll her eyes.

Scratching over her jeans, she gritted out, "Can we keep this going later?"

"Yeah. Yup. Talk later."

"Tonight?"

"If I can."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kim shift uncomfortably toward the door. She frowned and looked down at the ground. The usual pity was going to appear the second she hung up the phone, and that was the last thing she wanted today.

"Bye."

"Bye, Hail."

The phone went dead, and tears instantly came to her eyes that she quickly tried shaking away. It was just an argument. It was their second one within a month, but that meant nothing. Frustrations were just getting the best of them. Their relationship was fine. It had to be.

Standing up, she shoved her phone in her pocket before quickly putting her hair in a ponytail.

"Let's go," she said to Kim who was still standing awkwardly at the door.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kim countered quietly.

Hailey shook her head and stepped past her.

"Not at all."

They didn't talk that night.

Hailey got home close to 11 o'clock when it was pitch black outside, and she didn't have the energy to pick up her phone. Guilt washed over her as she laid in bed with her gaze stuck on her wedding photo on her nightstand, but then she thought of the case and waking up early to make sure the boys could settle into a group home, and she was asleep within minutes.

She woke to no new messages. Jay must have been busy too.

They'd yet to actually fight while he was in Bolivia. Things had never been easy, and they'd both told white lies or left out details of their lives to protect the other, but it seemed like something they were just going to accept and not mention. In the end, the reality could only be kept secret for so long.

It was clear neither of them liked how they'd been living their lives. Their relationship had become far too complicated – something that it hadn't ever felt like before. Even when she was hiding Roy's death from him, it wasn't this complicated. Keeping that secret was simple until she deteriorated and he figured it out. But even then, he figured it out and they dealt with it. They weren't talking and were struggling, but it still felt tolerable because they were together.

Every night during that period of their lives, Jay still kissed her goodnight. Even if he didn't say a single word to her during the day, the second they were both in bed, he'd roll over and kiss her. Some days it was on her lips, but her favorite kisses were actually the ones he'd press to other places on her skin: her hand, her forehead, her nose, her wrist, her temple. They were always soft, gentle, caring. They were Jay.

She would have loved one of those kisses upon falling into bed.

So, despite no new messages, she still sent him a simple heart text before making her way out the door.

While she worked, her mind kept wandering over to her phone. She was preoccupied in the worst way. It wasn't that she couldn't do her job, but that remembering that she was waiting for a text from Jay took her breath away. The second she remembered, she couldn't focus on anything until she checked her notifications. She refused to drive between the district and Med in fear that Jay would text her and she wouldn't be able to answer it right away.

She'd been hurt the day before with his lack of communication, but she still needed to hear from him. She needed that kiss back.

"We're going out tonight, let's go."

Hailey looked up from her phone to see Kevin standing next to her with his coat on. She smiled slightly and said, "Thanks, but I'll pass."

"No, you said you'd go, so you're coming," Kevin replied, "It's been a long day, we made great progress, there's nothing else we can do until Taylor wakes up. We're getting a beer. Adam and Kim are already heading there once they get Jordan set up with Makayla. We've given you fifteen minutes, but now that's up. Come on."

She sighed and rubbed her hand over her face. "I did say that."

"You did," Kevin chuckled, "Even Torres is coming. It's a night out. I'll even buy you a beer."

Glancing back down at her case file, she pursed her lips. He was right. There really wasn't much to do for the rest of the night. Plus, it was not late at all; there was no room for excuses that he'd see right through.

There was also Jay.

He still hadn't texted her back, and it could come at any time. She wasn't quite sure she wanted to have even the slightest of buzzes when he did. The conversation they needed to have should be done sober.

It was a reminder that the coming conversation was going to be a tough one and, most likely, long. They had never talked for longer than twenty minutes at a time no matter what they truly wanted. There just never seemed to be enough time. Certainly not enough time to have a lengthy conversation about their communication issues and need to protect each other.

Maybe it could be pushed off for another night. What were the chances they could talk tonight about it anyways?

"Fine," she said, closing the case file and standing up, "I'll go, but only because you said you'd buy me a beer."

Kevin laughed and clapped his hands together. "That's what I like to see. I will happily buy that beer. I can drive you home too, so if you want to have more than just the one, don't worry about it."

She smiled and grabbed her coat off the back of her chair. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll be okay. Just a couple to take the edge off."

"I'm also down for that," Kevin said as they headed toward the stairs, "I could use the same. Jordan's great, but he's been lacking in the laundry department lately. Any advice on getting the kid to wash his shirt before wearing it again?"

Hailey laughed with him and shook her head. "Sorry, no. Sounds…smelly."

"One way to put it," Kevin breathed.

Smiling at him, Hailey followed him outside and breathed in the fresh air. She could take tonight to refresh and refocus on what she wanted to say to Jay. She could have a beer and laugh with her friends, and then she could try calling Jay again tomorrow. They didn't need to talk every day. They hadn't spoken every day anyways. This was no surprise, and things were fine. They always had been.

Kevin bought Hailey a beer and then Kim bought her a whiskey.

She appreciated the alcohol and assured they didn't need to pay for her, but they insisted and she wasn't one to turn down a gift or a free drink.

It was nice to sit with her friends and relax for once. She'd been sticking to mostly wine at home, so the second the beer and alcohol touched her lips, she felt like herself. Like who she was before Jay had left.

She could laugh and tell jokes and forget. For once, she wasn't sitting on her couch by herself with a glass of wine and endless cooking shows in front of her. There weren't pictures of Jay everywhere or reminders of him kissing her goodnight or making her dinner. Instead, there were memories that brought actual joy to her gut as she spent time with the people she loved here in Chicago. They helped her remember that while someone she loved was gone, it was only temporary – they were right here for her right now.

And no one outright brought up Jay anyways. At least, nothing specific about him. Adam and Kevin told Dante a few stories that involved Jay, but he wasn't the center of any of them, and she was okay with it. She liked hearing about him in a positive light even if they were stories she'd heard a thousand times. Jay was still alive among them and was a part of their unit. He physically wasn't there, but he'd affected them all and made them each who they were. It was something good to think about despite their current argument or situation or whatever she wanted to call it.

Toward the end of the night, she felt the buzz of the alcohol coursing through her system and figured she should have a glass of water before heading home, so she made her way to the bar with a smile on her face.

Leaning against it, she said, "I'll take a water, please."

"Make that a pitcher," Adam said as he appeared behind her.

The bartender nodded and walked away.

"Doing okay?" Adam asked softly, sitting on the stool to her right.

She let out a breath then nodded before facing him. "I'm good," she said, sending him a quick smile, "Really. This was good. I liked coming here and hanging out. I needed it."

"You did," Adam said with a nod, "It's good to see you smile again – like an actual, real smile."

She laughed slightly and looked back down at the bar top. "Thanks," she said softly, "I appreciate it. Jay and I…things are rocky, I think, but we just needed some space. I'm hoping he'll be able to pick up tomorrow when I try calling again."

"That's good," Adam replied, "Space is necessary in arguments with people you love."

"Have some experience?" she gently teased.

He chuckled and shook his head. Glancing over at Kim, he said softly, "Not to be repetitive, but we're good too. It's nice having her around in this normal we've got. Mak is awesome. I didn't realize I could love another person that much."

She hummed softly while watching him. When he looked back at her, she said, "Fatherhood looks good on you. I'm proud of you – not just as a friend, but as an ex too. I know you're not the easiest to be with."

Adam let out a loud laugh with her before lightly shoving her arm. "Kind of a brat, Upton, you realize that? Your husband being gone doesn't give you a pass."

"Okay, okay," she laughed, "Sorry. Kind of."

Adam was still chuckling as the bartender came back with their pitcher of water and a stack of cups. He nodded when she passed it over then stood up. "You want to come over this weekend and get dinner with us? I could go for pizza."

"You could always go for pizza," she scoffed, "But yes, that actually sounds nice."

Adam smiled and nodded. "Glad you finally accepted it. Was it the whiskey from Kim?"

Hailey laughed and shrugged. "Uh, I don't know," she said, "I think it's just being around you all. It's doing more good than any possible harm. Does that make sense?"

"Course it makes sense, Hail," he replied softly, "You're part of our family. We're all a family. Family helps when things get rough. That's not a secret. We're here for you."

She took a deep breath then squeezed his arm before leading the way back to the table with their cups. Sitting down, she poured herself a glass of water and slowly took a sip.

They were her family. They had arguments and got on each other's nerves, but that was family. Three of these four people became her everything five years before when she joined their unit. The fourth easily joined her family when her actual husband was the one who handpicked him to complete them. She didn't know what she'd do without them, and actually regretted not leaning on them sooner in Jay's deployment. They would have helped her deal with the hardships she'd been facing on her own. They were more than just coworkers and friends.

Kevin seemed to notice her sudden silence, but instead of saying anything, he reached around Dante and squeezed her shoulder. In response, she sent him a tight-lipped smile and nodded.

She was fine. Better than fine even.

She was home with her friends.

It was just hard to accept that she could have been home all along had she been able to swallow her pride four months ago.

Her buzz was still filling her ears upon returning to her apartment building. She stopped to grab her mail, released her hair from its ponytail, and got in the elevator to save energy and prevent any accidents on the stairs.

Leaning against the wall with a sigh, she flipped through the few envelopes in her hand under the yellow lights that made her even more tired. There was one catalogue for her, two pieces of junk mail for Jay, a business card from the real estate agent who'd helped them get the apartment, and an envelope addressed to her in Jay's handwriting.

She instantly sobered up, holding the envelope closer to her face to confirm what she was seeing.

She'd read Jay's handwriting a million times in her life – it was very pointy and sharp as if he was scratching at the paper with a knife, neater than Adam's, but still not the best she'd ever seen.

Flipping it over, a smile lit up her face at the return address. Jay's address.

He'd sent her three letters since he arrived in Bolivia: one that she received a week after he landed telling her they were going to be okay, one the day after their anniversary, and one just a month before again saying they were going to be okay in the new year. Each one was about a page in length and always signed Your Husband, Jay. The one for their anniversary had half a dozen hearts around the edges that he admitted in the letter were corny, but he thought it needed it since it was an important letter. She loved it – she loved all three of the letters. Right now, they were in the top drawer of her nightstand, and she couldn't wait to add another to her pile.

The envelope was open before she even got to her door, but she forced herself to unlock it before actually unfolding the letter. She dropped her keys to the ground upon walking inside, completely missing the entryway table and completely not caring.

Jay sent her a letter. It was a big day.

Without taking off her coat, she sat on the couch to read his letter dated a week and a half ago - before their disagreement on the phone. It was like he knew she was going to need the written reminder that he loved her.

Morning Hail.

I had a dream about you last night and felt the need to write. Maybe I should write more often to you. I always look forward to getting your replies, so this could also be a passive aggressive way to get you to write me again. Sorry?

The dream was nice. We were in some apartment or house I didn't recognize, but it was just us. We didn't talk about anything in particular or worth mentioning, but you were gorgeous. I miss seeing you every day.

Every day or everyday? No matter. If you were here, you could correct me if I made the mistake.

Anyways, I wanted to let you know that I think about you all the time, even in my sleep. I think about all different parts of you – your smile, your laugh, your hair, your eyes, your hands. Maybe don't tell the others that I said that.

Speaking of them, I hope you've been spending more time with them. Work doesn't count as spending time. You guys need to get a beer or dinner. Something like that. They're our friends and they love you (maybe not as much as I do, but that's besides the point).

I won't keep you long. I should probably go grab some breakfast. I love you, Hailey. Always. Love of my life, remember?

Call me when you get this, no matter the time.

Your husband, Jay

By the time she got to the end, her eyes were blurred with tears. She tried blinking past them so she could work on rereading and memorizing the letter, but it was near impossible.

She put a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs.

None of this was fair. She hated that they had to declare their love for each other on pieces of lined paper and then trust that they'd receive the letters in a timely manner. She hated that he was gone in Bolivia. She hated that he felt like he needed to leave. She hated that she couldn't hold his hand right now.

Slowly, she made her way to her side to curl up on the couch while staring at the letter. Air came hard to her as she cried. It felt like when he'd first left all over again.

Just like every other time he sent her a letter.

She dropped the letter to the ground then wrapped her arms around her middle, sobbing into one of the throw pillows.

He wasn't here. Jay was in Bolivia. He wasn't home. He was talking to her through a letter, and he wouldn't even get her reply for days.

Nothing was fair.

Her head grew heavy with the combination of the alcohol and the crying, and soon enough her ribs ached from her sobs. Using her coat as a blanket, she curled up even tinier than she'd been and willed all the pain to go away.

The cruel truth was that she could wake up in the morning with a headache that could be cured with some motrin and a stomachache that deserved comfort food, but nothing was going to cure her broken heart.

Her husband was the only thing that could do that.

She woke up to her phone buzzing against her hip.

Groaning, she sat up, slightly shocked that she'd somehow managed to stay here on the couch all night. She quickly grabbed her phone and shut off her alarm so she could go shower for the day.

The hot water relaxed her sore muscles and dulled the pain in her chest from Jay's absence. She had to force herself to remember to use shampoo and to actually shave her legs. Everything just felt like a blur as she breathed in the steam. She wished that she could take the day off.

Trudy wouldn't blame her and she knew Voight thought she could take more days, but she hated people who took days off just because they were hungover. Not to mention, she made a commitment to the family from downstairs. She wanted to bring them justice no matter how much physical and emotional pain she was in.

Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her chest then reached for her toothbrush only for her phone to start buzzing again. She sighed, assuming she'd snoozed her alarm instead of shutting it off, and grabbed it off the counter only for that not to be the notification on her screen.

Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.

She blinked and tilted her head to the side.

She knew she knew what that place was, but she couldn't actually pinpoint it in her mind.

It continued buzzing in her hand, so she hesitantly pressed her thumb to the screen.

"Hello?" she said slowly.

"Hello, is this Hailey Upton?"

"Speaking."

And barely breathing.

"Hi, Hailey, my name is Melissa Adler. I'm calling regarding your husband, Jay Halstead."

She blinked a few times at those words before whispering, "Yes."

Her mouth was dry and her eyes were starting to get blurry again.

"Hailey, I'm very sorry, but your husband Jay was brought in last night. He was in an accident the day before and is currently in surgery."

She blacked out at that.

A/N: Can't wait to hear what you think! ;)