Book One: The Birth of the Order

Chapter Nine: Secrets

Hogwarts: 1975...

The young Lily Evans entered common room, a dazed look covering her face. Everyone else had gone to breakfast, but she was just returning from the hospital wing. McGonnigal had informed her that her best friend, Severus Snape, would be there for the rest of the day. The reason was left unexplained. Determined to find out what all the mystery was about, Lily skipped breakfast and visited her friend to get to the bottom of things. What she found, was unexpected.

Lily slumped on the couch and crossed her arms to think. "How could he say such horrible things?" Lily asked herself aloud. "Remus wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone-" She was stopped when a sniffle came from the stairway to the boys' dormitory. Lily jumped from her spot and walked over then stopped at the bottom step. She could see part of a boy, who was hidden as the stars curved around. "Who is that?" she asked and a startle sniffle echoed back to her. She leaned forward as far as she could, knowing the enchanted steps wouldn't allow a girl to set foot on them. "Remus? Is that you?"

"Go away. I'm sorry, but… I'm not feeling well." He pulled his legs to his chest to hide them from view.

"Remus, please come down. If you're sick you should go to the hospital wing."

"Madame Pomphrey said I could stay in my room today since…"

"Since what?" No answer came and the subtle sniffles continued once more. "...Since Severus is in there?" She asked quietly. His lack of response, but increase in sniffling confirmed this for her. "Remus, go back to bed if you don't feel well."

"I... I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just… can't." The truth was that the young 5th year boy had come down from his bedroom for some chocolate he had left in common room, but weak from the full moon the night before… his legs had buckled on the way back up the steps and he could hardly climb up any further.

Lily sat on the floor at the base of the steps and leaned against the wall. "Severus said he can't leave the hospital all day. I think he's faking it though. He doesn't look injured to me."

"Did… did he say what happened to him?"

"He said… he said he was attacked by a werewolf. That is jumped on him and hurt his arm, but that someone else got to him in time to stop it from being worse."

"...and… and do you believe that?"

"I didn't… until now."

There was a long silence as Remus processed what she could have meant by that then he blurted out, "He told you!" Remus shouted between anger filled sobs. "That slimy git told you!"

"Remus, calm down," She shouted up the steps. "You didn't do anything-"

"Didn't I?! I could have killed him! Or Worse, I could have turned him into a monster! He's going to tell everyone and they'll run me out of the school on a rail!"

"Remus, please…"

"As soon as my legs are up to it, I'll take my prefect badge to Dumbledore."

"Remus, you're overreacting. I'm sure you didn't mean-"

"Don't act like I'm innocent, Lily."

"You are."

"I'm a monster. He will be sure to tell everyone that."

"No you're not. And he won't tell the school."

"Of course he will. He's always wanted something to use against me and the lads and now he has it."

"Remus…" Lily was quiet for a long time after that. She was tempted to ask more questions. How many years had he dealt with the secret? Did the boys know? Certainly they had to by now. Who was it that had saved Severus from the wolf? Did Dumbledore have to pull some strings to allow Remus as a student? Lily mentally hushed her curiosity and reminded herself that this was not time for school. The only question she did manage to let through her mouth was, "would you like some Pop-rocks?"

"W-what?"

"Poprocks. It's a muggle candy, but I find them remarkably similar to-"

"I know what they are."

"Oh… well I have some in my cloak pocket. I was just waiting on a friend to share them with." Remus is quiet for a while. Lily then heard some soft thuds. Remus slid his way down each step on his bum until he made it to the bottom. His eyes had dark circles underneath them, his face was cut and bruised. "Why are you being so kind, Lily? I've never seen someone so kind about this. I could have murdered your best friend."

"Remus John Lupin, you would never hurt a soul. And maybe now Severus won't go snooping about."

"He wasn't snooping, Lily…"

"How else did he find you?" She held out the bag of poprocks and Remus stared at it. He didn't answer as he held out his hand to accept the candy, his eyes welling up with more anger filled tears as he thought over the night before and how his own friend had led Snape to the shrieking shack as a prank. A horribly selfish prank. Lily poured the rocks into his hand and grinned. "Besides, if Severus wants to continue to be my friend then I would hope he doesn't spread rumors about this to anyone. And Remus…" He looked up at her green eyes and she gave him a serious look. "I'll be sure to remind him of that."

Godric's Hollow: 1979...

A dazed look covered Lily Evan's face as she stood in the faded grass outside James Potter's flat. Before her stood the most handsome stag she had ever seen. It stamped his foot and snorted before holding it's head up high. "You're an animagus? I don't know if I should be impressed or upset that you kept such an incredible secret from me." The stag nodded. "When did you learn this? It had to be our last year." The stag shook his head. "After school?" He shook again. "James," She said impatiently and the stag changed back to James who said, "Our fifth year actually."

"That's not possible."

"Ah, but it is Evans." He crossed his arms and leaned on the garden wall. "We took two and half years to perfect the skill. Second year we started our research after finding out…" He stopped himself and glanced at her, reminding him it wasn't his secret to share that Remus was a werewolf, "finding out how good we were at charms like that."

"I see." She smirked at his lame cover up and added, "Did it have anything to do with a trip to the shrieking shack once a month?" James' eyes widened as he looked at her. "Wha- I don't… that is…"

"Severus was my best friend, James. Do you really think he wouldn't tell me about Remus?"

"Well-"

"And did you think he would have stayed silent about it to the whole school if I had insisted he do so?"

"Well I was wondering why he wasn't spreading rumors. I just thought Dumbledore was making him." He shook his head. "I can't believe you knew this whole time. We wanted to help Remus, but he always insisted we stay away for safety. Then Peter saw in a textbook that animagi wouldn't be affected by a werewolf scratch." He rubbed his head. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you knew!"

"It wasn't my business to tell. A lesson the lot of you learned the hard way," she said with a serious look and James rolled his eyes. "Don't blame me for what happened to Sour Grapes. That was Sirius' doing."

"James, aren't we a little old to still be blaming our mates for things?" Her green eyes cut through to his core and he looked down.

"We almost lost Remus that night..."

"Well don't worry," She said as she wrapped him in a hug. "The band stuck together."

"I mean it, Evans." He looked at her through his glasses with a sincere expression. "Remus has always been a flight risk and Sirius did let his pride come before his loyalty. If I hadn't been there to stop Remus... Snape would be." He shook his head to push the idea away, "I don't want anything like that to happen again."

"We aren't flawless, Potter. We all have faults. If we live without recognition of them, only then will we fail." She took his hand and pulled him to the door. "We should get back inside, though… Bambi."

James pulled her into a hug and kissed her head. He had always lived a spoiled life, doted on by his parents. Lily grounded him and made him force his shortcomings and was better because of her.

Meanwhile, the tone was a bit cooler in the back lawn. There was little light save for the moon but most of it was blocked by an old tree. Sirius puffed his cigarette while staring up at the stars. He heard the back porch door open and refused to turn to see who it was.

"Spare a smoke?" Marlene asked and he smirked at the sound of her voice.

"Just don't let mummy catch you or she'll scold both of us." He took the pack from his pocket and held it towards her without breaking his gaze from the sky.

"You mean, Remus?" She laughs as she takes on from the pack.

"Who else?"

Marlene smiled and followed his gaze to the stars above. She put the cigarette to her lips and her brow furrowed as she puffed at it, but it refused to ignite. Sirius suddenly took a lighter from his pocket and held it to her cigarette. She inhaled one puff and coughed it out.

"Muggle-made," he said as he pocketed the lighter. "You get used to it."

"The muggle ones will kill you."

"Better to be a sexy corpse than an old square," He grumbled. She got used to the smoke but after a few puffs just held it between her fingers.

After some silence she muttered. "It's not your shoulder bothering you is it? It's Regulus. That's why you got so triggered when I called you, 'boy'. Seeing your family today brought back some hard memories... and some harsh realities-"

"I don't remember ordering a counseling session McKinnon?" He said ripping the cigarette from his mouth and finally facing her. He softened when their eyes met as he could see her genuine concern. "Look, I didn't mean to get upset in there." He huffed.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yea..." He said after a pause and another puff at his cig. "You're right." He blew the smoke into the air and watched it. "Wizard smokes make shapes when you blow them out, ya know. But I think it's nice to try to find your own art in the blur."

"Like what people do with clouds?" She asked.

"Yea." He watched the smoke vanish into the air. "You're right though. Godric I can't believe I'm admitting that. But you are. He's... really one of them now."

"And that's why you couldn't call them 'death eaters' because..."

"Because the first face that comes to mind when I hear it now, is my brother's." He shook his head. "Kid was... is... an asshole. But he had potential. Has potential."

"We can still save him, Sirius.

"Yea... maybe. Maybe that's what James was trying to do, I don't know." He tossed the cigarette on the ground and put it out with his foot. "Everything has just changed in a damn day."

"So this is about Lily and James too? Just because he is marrying her doesn't mean you're less his friend."

"Nah, this is how it starts. Next it will be Remus, then Wormtail. Hell, you might even find someone before I do."

"Oi!" She smacked the back of his head. "Why do you say that like it's so impossible?" They just laughed and she said, "At least I got you laughing again."

"Don't flatter yourself. It's just the cigs." He grabbed hers from between her fingers and put it in his lips to take one more puff before putting it out.

"Thanks, McKinnon. For fixing my shoulder that is. The talk was unsolicited."

"Still helped."

"Whatever you say."

"Remus…." Tabitha whispered inside the flat as she gently poked the sleeping boy's forehead. "Remus? Wake up time." Remus heard her voice as his eyes fluttered awake, but the light gave him a headache. Tabitha was standing there looking at him with a mug in her hand. "Hey… whipped something up for you."

"What is it?" He looked at the mug in her hand and she passed it to him. Their fingers brushed and she quickly drew her hand away. "Thanks," he said softly. After one sip, his entire expression changed to one of disgust. "Good Godric."

"Is it that bad?"

"It's a little… overdone, but thanks." He took some more sips and then looked at Pete who was asleep on the floor in front of the Telly with toffee wrappers all around him. "I guess we are the last two standing."

"Yea." She looked around just to be sure before speaking up.

"Rem-"

"Tabs-" They both spoke at the same time. "Sorry," He said. "you go."

"I shouldn't have told you about me. I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to think I left because of you."

"But you did." He said looking into his cup of hangover juice.

"Not because of anything you did, though. Hell, if anything, all you did was be kind to me and a good friend. I don't want to loose that. It was just too hard."

"Do you remember..." He paused wondering if he should say anything else. "Do you remember end of 5th year. You nearly punched Snape in the great hall."

"Merlin's beard." She covered her face embarrassed. "Of course I remember that. It was after Sev had called Lily a... Well... you remember."

He nodded. "I saw all of it. Everyone was horrified. We had never seen you shout like that before. But I was so bloody proud of you. Never had detention a day in your life but you were willing to end a friendship and your perfect school record for your best friend."

"It was a horrid punch though. More like a slap. Probably looked pathetic."

"That's when I realized... I..."

"That you... what?" She froze, unsure if she wanted him to continue.

"When I realized... you were special." He internally felt like kicking himself for course-correcting last second, but kept going anyway. "I had never seen that side of you. I don't want you to loose that fire or spirit, Tabitha. If leaving the Wizarding World, leaving me, meant finding yourself. I understand. I don't blame you."

"Still... I'm sorry. I never want you to feel you've done something wrong, especially to me. You could never hurt me."

His smile faded. She said that now, but if she ever saw the monster he became each month, she would take it back.

"But," Tabitha continues. "What happened today changes things. And what I saw in the muggle world too. This war is impacting everyone. It has to stop. Maybe I can run to protect my heart, but I can't turn my back to protect myself."

"So... you're staying?"

"I'm staying. If it's ok with you?"

"Yes!" He said too quickly and clears his throat. "I mean yea, works for me. If I don't make you uncomfortable."

"No... we're... friends. Right?"

"Always."

Just then the door swung in from the backyard and Sirius emerged and said, "Feisty little thing, isn't she?"

"Interested in her, are you?" Remus said with a tired grin.

Sirius let out a chuckle. "In McKinnon? Don't be ridiculous."

"You're right," he sighed. "She's too smart for you."

"Oi! What do you know about it anyway?" He started feeling the elephant in the room and glanced between the two of them. "Did I walk in on something?"

"Still smoking are you?" Remus said to change the subject quickly.

Tabitha stood and took the cup from Remus' hand. "I'll get you more of this."

"Oh... goody..." he said mockingly as she left the two of the.

"So?" Sirius asked after she had left. "What did I just walk in on?"

"Tabitha said... she loved me. Does love me."

"Delaney said that?" He scratched his head. "I didn't even think she was capable of love."

"I didn't think I was capable of being loved," He rubbed the back of his neck and shut his eyes. "Why now?" He whispered to himself solemnly. Sirius looked at his friend. The full moon was only a few nights away and Remus' mood swings were unpredictable. Normally, he would be so on edge at all times that he would force himself to be solemn and sulky to try and fight the frustration. Poor bloke hardly got to relax and be himself.

"Hey Moony?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think about her?" Remus didn't answer but opened his eyes and looked at his friend who added, "I mean, I know you lot got along together in school. Godric only knows why though. She's so bloody annoying and pushy."

This brought a smile to Remus. "She's passionate."

"So? Do you… feel the same way?"

"... It doesn't matter. I can't feel the same way."

Just then the front door opened and Lily and James walked in hand-in-hand. "Feel what way about what?" Lily asked as they entered.

"About... McKinnon. She's smoking again" Sirius shrugged as Marlene walked in from the back and her jaw dropped at the accusation. He continued with a frown, "I'm afraid, she's a bad influence on the group."

"I'm going to bloody kill you." Marlene said and crossed her arms.

"No you're not, Mar." Tabitha huffed as she walked in with another cup for Remus and handed it to him. "Threatened to kill me hundreds of times and never went through with it."

"You two had trouble getting along?" Remus asked as his nose crinkled at the smell of the hangover gruel.

"It's McKinnon and Delaney," Sirius said, "Why are you surprised?"

"Is this about the troubles in Ireland again?" Lily sighed as flashbacks of dorm room arguments reappeared in her mind.

"You mean the Republic of Ireland?" Marlene said.

"Marley, please. Not now." Tabitha pleaded and the other witch nodded in submission. "Fine. So, what did you lot talk about?"

"Oh you know," James said. "Normal things. Lily saw... a deer."

"In town?" Tabitha asked confused.

"Mhmm."

It fell silent. Ironically, the hungover Remus was the first to realize. "Wait... was it a Stag?"

"James-" Sirius softly interjected.

"A stag with glasses?" Remus asked again.

"Yes."

"Jaaaaames." Sirius said through gritted teeth.

"Pete!" Remus shouted. "Wake up! The boys are fighting again."

"No we aren't," James said as Peter jolted up and toffee wrappers flew off him.

"Not yet." Sirius sad angrily.

"Oh for Godric sake, Potter," Marlene said. "We just calmed him down."

"You told her?"

"Well he showed me," Lily corrected.

"Showed her what?" Marlene asked confused.

"Aparently a deer with glasses?" Tabitha's face realized. "Wait are you an animagus too, Potter?"

"Too?" James snapped his head around to face Tabitha, "Wait what else do you know?"

"You're a what?" Marlene asked

Sirius faced both and pointed at Tabitha then to Marlene. "You stay out of this. You be quiet." He looked back to James.

"Woah woah woah, no. I want to hear this, "James said stepping to Sirius. "Tabitha, who else do you know that's an animagus?"

"Uhhhh" She glanced between everyone and Sirius stepped in front of her. Remus saw the way she was looking at Sirius and interjected "Oh my word! You told Tabitha about Padfoot didn't you?"

"Wait, I thought you were Padfoot, Black? Is that supposed to mean more than a nickname?" Marlene asked confused. "Are you all bloody Animagi?"

"Everyone shut it!" Sirius snapped. "James, explain yourself. Delaney, McKinnon and Moony, shut it. And Wormtail if you don't turn off that telly I'm going to take away your TV privileges for a month.

Just then there was a knock at the door. Peter turned off the TV and everyone turned to face the door quietly. At first they thought they'd imagined it until it came again, louder this time.

"James?" Peter whispered. "Who the hell else knows where you live?"

The Adventure Continues Next As an Unexpected Guest Arrives...

Which character would you like to learn more about? Let me know in the reviews and I'll provide more flashback stories of their Hogwarts days!