"Got your cellphone? Got your toothbrush?" Buffy teases as Rupert packs his bag.
"Very funny," he deadpans. "I can stay if you think it's too soon."
"No way are you cancelling this trip," Buffy responds, her voice raising an octave as she steps into her old bedroom. "This is way too important. Unless we're on the verge of the apocalypse, you're going to New York and bringing me back a postcard of the big tree at Rockefella Centre."
She flops onto the bed and looks over his open suitcase. "You know, I'd never thought I'd ask if you packed enough tweed."
"It's not exactly a formal visit," Rupert points out formally.
"Yeah, but you wore tweed on your dates, I saw you," Buffy argues back. "Are you sure Miss Calendar will recognise you if you don't wear tweed?"
He cocks his head to the side, contemplating her while trying not to smile. For all the ways she's matured, she will never stop teasing him. Though he will voice his frustration and exasperation with her, he hopes she never will.
"You'll be fine?" Rupert asks. From his tone, she knows what he's really asking. Willow.
"We've got this covered. Xander's going to have a sleepover for a couple of nights while you're in New York. We've got to get used to doing this without you because you're going back to England at some point," Buffy reminds him while trying not to pout. It's taken her a while to work up the nerve of mentioning it without tears filling her eyes.
"Yes, I am," Rupert agrees, not entirely happy about it himself either.
Buffy latches onto his words. "You don't have to though," she says in a rush. "I know it's a squeeze, but you could…" she trails off, gesturing at the room.
"We've been over this Buffy," Rupert sighs.
"I know, I get why you moved, but I've, we've, made enough mistakes, we've grown," she responds. She's made plenty of her own mistakes, without counting Willow and Xander's.
He exhales, shaking his head. "I think this is for the best," he tells her.
It's not that he wants to be apart from Buffy or the others. He misses them dearly when he's in England. They confuse and infuriate him; they've been a source of companionship and comfort in the dark times. The events of the last few years have taken their toll and he's struggling to stand by and watch them be tormented over and over again. It's relentless and breaking. He can't keep going through that cycle with a different evil, each worse than the last. He couldn't keep watching Buffy die.
"I miss you, is all," Buffy admits.
"And I miss you but I have to return to England at some point," Rupert replies.
"What about Miss Calendar? How's that gonna work if you're in a different country?" Buffy asks, latching onto something else which might tempt him to stay.
"We don't know it will, but we owe it to ourselves to find out."
"So you're going to cram it all into five days?"
He had tried to not think about the futility of living in another country while exploring the possibility of being with Jenny again. He wants this to work, he hated his life without her spark. Even the minimal contact they started with their letters made him feel brighter. He'd missed her input, insight. She wasn't like the children and often gave him a rounded perspective. Even if they remain just friends who share correspondence, their connection would still exist, it would be tangible for both of them. He's felt her absence keenly but he's beginning to understand she felt it as well.
After everything they've been through, they deserve a chance. They owe themselves a chance. He doesn't believe in happy ever after, but if it were possible with anyone, it'd be with Jenny.
"It's not that simple," he responds, sitting beside her.
"I know but I think it should be," she grumbles. Buffy eyes him. "Are you nervous?"
"A tad," Rupert admits. "I'm afraid our lives have changed too much to surpass, or that she'll never forgive me for telling her to leave."
"I don't think she would've invited you to New York if that was an issue," Buffy points out.
"Maybe it's an issue for me," he confesses. "I know it's useless to think about what ifs, however, that doesn't stop me from considering the differences in my life if I'd found Jenny sooner. Writing to someone is different from finding a place in their life. Our conversations, meeting and spending time together means there is a commitment to change our relationship to something more palpable, and tangible. Which brings a whole other host of concerns with it."
"You can't know the future, Giles," she tells him kindly. "I, of people, know why you're worried."
"I'm sure you do." She's been through so much in the last few years, both as the slayer and as a young woman.
"You've missed her so much," Buffy adds. "I don't like seeing you lonely. The thing is, you were lonely even when you were with Olivia."
Rupert doesn't correct her.
"See, I think you were lonely because she didn't really get you. Jenny gets you, she understands what you need when you need it. She's seen your worst and still came back, Giles," Buffy sighs. "I never apologised for what happened back then."
"You have nothing to apologise for, Buffy."
"I do, I needed a target for my pain," she continues. "It was easy to aim it at Jenny. Yeah, she could've told us who she was but that wouldn't have stopped Angel from losing his soul. She didn't know it would happen or how so there was no way to prevent it."
"You were being attacked by someone you loved in a cruel and targeted manner, you reacted. No one blames you for that. I told you then, I'll tell you now, that you won't get any judgement from me."
"I appreciate that, but this is me showing you that I've grown. I was seventeen and I wasn't thinking straight and that made you choose sides. I didn't think you'd choose mine until you did. I don't think I could've got through it without you, it's just I hate the idea that you were lonely because of me."
"That was my choice to make, Buffy. You weren't the only one hurt by Jenny's revelation."
"Fair enough," Buffy relents. "That doesn't change the fact that you guys were in love or she broke her own heart when she broke yours. I think hurting you was the last thing she wanted."
He nods. "I told her to leave."
"Angelus would have killed her," Buffy stresses. "You found her, Giles. She wouldn't have answered if she didn't want you in her life."
Rupert considers her for a long moment. Where he was meant to guide and train him, Buffy has provided him with the same in return over the years. Her concern for him is endearing and he's grateful. She's made her point though and his concerns are somewhat quelled for now. Despite his nerves, he's not backing out now. He would never do that to Jenny.
"Right, I'll drive you to the airport when Xander gets here," Buffy says, sensing his resolve.
"Are you sure? I can always ask Xander to take me," Rupert suggests brightly.
"Remember the last time Xander tried to give you the stork talk?" Buffy asks. Rupert blanches. "Yeah, that's what I thought." She hits his shoulder lightly.
"Ow, what was that for?" He asks rubbing the sore spot on his shoulder.
"That was for the subtle dig about my driving," she glares at him.
A short while later, they walk down the stairs to find Xander, Willow and Dawn waiting for them. On the stairs, Rupert stops halfway down, turning to Buffy behind him.
"Right, you have Jenny's number if you need me."
"And your cell, we'll be fine, Giles," Buffy says. "Call us when you land, and give Miss Calendar our love."
"And tell her we miss her," Willow adds.
"And tell her you wouldn't let me come," Dawn adds.
"You have school," Rupert tells her.
"Believe us, you don't want to catch that reunion, Dawn," Xander chimes in. "They taught an entire student body how to knock on a library door with adult PDAs."
"Xander!" Willow and Buffy chorus, blushing and looking anywhere but at Rupert.
"And you all wonder why I didn't ask Jenny to come for Thanksgiving," Rupert mutters to himself.
"Huh?" Dawn screws up her nose, looking at Xander.
"I'm keeping it PG for your own good, you don't want those images in your head," he quips, wagging his finger at her. "Believe me."
"Xander," Rupert warns. The younger man turns his gaze on him, unperturbed.
"Tell me I'm wrong," he dares.
"You know, I'm suddenly very grateful Buffy is driving me to the airport," Rupert gives up, ignoring the looking indignation on Buffy's face.
Jenny checks her watch for what feels like the millionth time since she arrived at school. Her first period was free and so she'd spent the time cleaning her apartment, readying it for Rupert's arrival. She's got a build-up of nervous energy as though she's drunk a gallon of coffee, only she's just had one cup since she woke up before switching to tea to calm her nerves.
She's been power walking everywhere; from her apartment to the subway, to the college, to her class. Then to the faculty room between classes. She makes another cup of tea. Today would be the day when she has two free periods. She's up to date on her marking, and she's got the presentations ready for the afternoon class to prepare for end-of-term exams and assignments which count towards their final grades. She's got an hour to kill before her next class, so she's in the faculty room checking her messages.
Jenny sits in the armchair near the window overlooking the quad, watching the rain as it runs down the glass. Jenny pulls her cardigan tighter around her, fending off the chill. She likes to watch the rain yet hates the draught in the old building and rattling windows. She opens her bag and pulls out the couple of leaflets she picked up for things to do this weekend with Rupert.
As much as they need to talk, she doesn't want to stifle him by staying in her apartment. She's taking him to the Natural History Museum on Saturday and he is, more than likely, more insightful than any tour guide in the place. Besides, he mentioned always wanting to go in his earlier letters. He mentioned the tree at Rockefella Centre during their last conversation yet she doubts she'll get him onto the ice. She doesn't really want to be icing matching bruises if they fall on their asses anyway. They can always bask in the atmosphere.
Tonight, however, she's undecided whether it's safer to go out for drinks at the bar around the corner from her apartment or to stay in for dinner as they navigate what will, undoubtedly, be a tacit reunion. Her apartment is cosy but the sofa pulls out into a comfortable spare bed.
Her rash invitation wasn't an invitation to her bed, Rupert understands that. Neither of them is ready to confuse their undefined relationship further by sharing her bed.
She's nervous. They've tried this twice before and neither time worked because of their own stupidity.
She was afraid. Being with him tended to make her lose focus on their past mistakes. She convinced herself her mission to watch Angel wouldn't have an impact on their relationship. She felt naïve for letting herself lose sight of that, for losing herself. She felt naïve for thinking they were safe.
"You look like you're in a world of your own, my dear," Laura says, interrupting her thoughts.
Jenny blinks up at her friend as she sits in the chair opposite her. "I am," she replies.
Laura tilts her head to the side, considering her. "I feel like I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving."
They haven't, not really. They've been busy as the semester comes to a close and the holidays loom. They've seen each other in passing in the hall and at faculty meetings but promises of coffee and catch-ups were just that, no fixed time or date was mentioned by either of them as their schedules were crammed.
"I was beginning to think you're avoiding me after what I said at Thanksgiving," Larura hedges.
Jenny frowns, remembering her friends' words of caution. "What? No!"
Yes, they'd freaked Jenny and she then had a panicked conversation with Rupert which led to the impulsive invitation she made to come to New York. Jenny understands the caution her friend advised but she wouldn't have asked him the question about other partners if Laura hadn't mentioned it. Jenny was clearer now; Rupert wasn't involved with anyone. Neither was she. Jenny has no idea if this would work if he was involved with anyone, she doesn't think she could stand on the sidelines with him feeling how she feels. She won't subject herself to that heartbreak.
But, apparently, his feelings for her are incomparable.
"Good, I worried I pissed you off," Laura admits.
"No," Jenny assures her. "You made valid points. Actually, Rupert and I talked about the points you made."
Laura raises her eyebrows, her mouth opening as if to ask a question. Jenny looks down at her cup of tea, nodding.
"He's flying in today," Jenny adds, almost a whisper.
"What?!"
Jenny bolts up at her friend's yelped question, looking around at the other faculty members who dare to look over at them. Laura just blushes and turns back to Jenny. "What?" She repeats with the appropriate volume for a private conversation.
"Rupert's visiting Buffy in California for the holidays," Jenny explains. "Who knows when we'll be in the same country again, so when he and I talked on Thanksgiving, I invited him to stay with me for a few days."
Laura processes the information before speaking. "Do I get to meet him?"
"I, uh, don't know," Jenny tries not to pull a face. She can't think of a reason they shouldn't meet except she wants to keep Rupert to herself for the weekend at least. "We've got a few things planned but he's here until Tuesday evening so maybe."
Laura bobs her head encouragingly at the non-committal response. "Are you nervous?"
"Not about him coming," Jenny admits warmly. She wants to feel the weight of his arms around her when they see each other for the first time. She wants to watch his face and his eyes as he says hello. She wants to talk to him for hours.
"I hope it works out for you," Laura tells her.
"Thanks," Jenny tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, ducking her head to hide her blush.
"I still want to meet him, if you have a moment to spare," Laura says. "Even if you bring him to work with you Monday before classes start. I want to meet the guy who can't even do a Google search who yet has our computer science lecturer head over heels."
That evening, Jenny finds herself at the airport collection point leaning against a pillar as new arrivals pour through after baggage claim. She looks through the crowd, watching for the gold-rimmed glasses and green eyes she yearns to see. She stuffs her hands inside of her coat pockets to stop herself from fidgeting. She hunches her shoulders, trying to get warm. She's got a wool wrap-round dress on with thick tights and knee-high boots. Her long dark coat over that and a scarf tucked around her neck does what it can but there's a steady breeze from the cold behind her.
Jenny checks the arrivals board again. He should be out by now.
She's decided to stay in. They don't need distractions or excuses not to interact. She doesn't want that; she wants to break the ice rather than tip-toe around him. She eyes the crowd, willing them to part.
They don't though. Jenny spots a familiar head of hair at the right height. There are people in front of him she silently curses as they stubbornly stay the same course and he's too polite to sidestep or overtake them. Five steps later, they divert to another trajectory and Jenny sees him for the first time. He doesn't notice her at first as he scans the area slowly.
Jenny lets herself have the moment, drawing in a breath. He's aged well, she notes. Jenny takes in the worry in his eyes as he looks for her. When his eyes land on her, his whole being lifts. His lips turn up as he tightens his grip on the holdall at his side and makes his way to her, weaving between people as they dare to cross his path. Jenny releases her breath when he's no less than five feet away.
She pushes away from her pillar, standing upright as Ruperts enters her personal space. He looks like he wants to reach for her yet is waiting for her to give him a sign to give him the go-ahead.
"Hey, England," Jenny whispers, meeting his eyes, relief floods her as he looks as happy as she feels to see him.
"Hello," Rupert says back, his voice full of awe. "It's so good to see you."
She smiles around her huff as she gives into the temptation to reach out and touch the lapels of his coat. He's really there in front of her. She licks her lips. He seems to have taken her touch as permission to reach for her as his free hand finds her back. His forehead drops to hers.
"Jenny," he breathes out. "I've missed you."