Every Breath You Take (I'll be watching you…)
Summary: Buddie fic. Mysterious gifts start appearing at the firehouse for Buck from a secret admirer, but as the gifts get progressively more sinister and the 118 grow increasingly worried, they must uncover the mystery before someone close to them gets seriously hurt, or worse. Protective!Eddie. Established Buddie relationship. Follows on from Turning Point but can be read as a standalone.
Disclaimer: I do not own 9-1-1 or anything associated with the show.
TRIGGER WARNING: NEEDLES/DRUGS
Author Notes: The final chapter. Thank you so much for reading!
Set after season 6.
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Chapter 12
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When Buck woke, he didn't dare open his eyes at first. Instead, he listened to the light beeps and whirrs from the machines around him, and focused on the weight pressing into his side, Eddie's chest rising and falling against him with each breath. It was peaceful and terrifying all at once. What if he opened his eyes to find it all faded away? To find himself back in that basement, or worse…
"I can hear you thinking," Eddie murmured against him, breath warm on Buck's neck as his fingers intertwined with Buck's and he gave Buck's hand a gentle squeeze.
"I'm sorry," Buck answered, the response automatic.
Eddie shifted, pushing up, leaving Buck feeling empty and lost on that hospital bed. "Buck…"
Swallowing hard, Buck forced his eyes open and sought out Eddie's gaze, a light relief settling over him at the sight of the man in front of him. His best friend, his partner, the man he loved. He tried to smile, wanting to reassure Eddie, but Eddie shook his head, his fingers lazily moving through Buck's hair, the simple gesture soothing.
"You don't have to pretend with me," Eddie said, seeing right through the forced smile.
Buck's gaze fell, landing on Eddie's leg. His jeans were sliced up the side, revealing the bandages beneath, the bloodstains dirty against the dark denim. "He was going to kill you."
"But he didn't."
"Eddie…" Buck breathed out, but he was silenced as Eddie placed a curled-up finger beneath his chin, forcing his eyes back to Eddie's face.
"Buck, I know how that mind of yours works. This was not your fault. I didn't do anything you wouldn't have done for me." There was determination in his eyes, the pointed look on his face leaving little room for argument and if Buck had even tried, he knew Eddie would have immediately shut him down. "He's gone, Buck, and we're not. You can't get rid of me that easily."
"I saved him," Buck said after another moment, the words feeling thick and vile in his throat. "If I hadn't… If I didn't go up that ladder, or if I had taken one wrong step, fastened the harness wrong… None of this would have happened."
"You did your job. We don't get to choose who lives and dies. We do the job."
Buck let go of a light huff. "You know, once over, I thought that was the job. I thought we had this like… power to make that call. Does that make me a bad person?"
"No," Eddie answered with a shake of his head. "It makes you human, because the Buck I know, he does everything in his power to get everyone out alive, even if it means putting himself at risk. You told me once that we give people a second chance, and you were right. But that doesn't mean we have control over what they do with that."
A small cough from near the doorway broke into the conversation, and Buck had been so focused on Eddie that he hadn't even heard the nurse enter. She smiled politely once she had their attention and moved closer, clipboard in hand.
"Mr Buckley," she said, before looking at Eddie with a raised eyebrow. "And Mr Diaz, I presume?"
Buck nodded, as he pushed himself up in the bed until he was sitting up, cringing at the pain the action caused. The numb feeling the drugs David had given him was wearing off, making him very much aware of the aches and bruises.
"How's he looking?" Eddie asked, and Buck didn't miss the look of concern written in Eddie's eyes.
"The last lot of bloodwork is looking good. We'll take another blood sample in an hour or two, but I think we could be looking at discharge before the end of the day." She flipped through the chart before tilting her head at Eddie. "I believe you've already signed your discharge paperwork?"
Eddie nodded and edged back to give her room as she pulled a pen flashlight from her pocket and leaned over to check Buck's eyes. Buck winced as she tilted his head, checking his eyes before checking the wound on his forehead. But she nodded, making a note on the chart with a light smile.
"I'll check in with your doctor," she said, putting her pen away and hugging the chart to her chest, "see about getting you some meds for the pain. Take the edge off a little so you can focus on relaxing."
Buck immediately shook his head. "No… I'm fine."
"Buck, if you're in pain-" Eddie started, but Buck cut him off with a forced smile.
"I'm fine. I promise." And he was, mostly. The pain meant that it was real. It meant that he wasn't trapped in that basement, that this wasn't just another hallucination, that it wasn't another coma dream, because the only pain he felt in his coma was when his physical body was struggling.
The nurse nodded, deciding to change the subject rather than push it. "I believe your sister is waiting with your dad to come and see you."
"My dad?" Buck questioned, but before he had chance to try and figure out how his parents would have had time to get there, she clarified.
"Yes, er… Mr Nash?" She flipped through the paperwork once more and offered up an apologetic smile when she seemed to come across what she was looking for. "I'm sorry, I just assumed… I'll just, I'll go let them know you're awake."
She hurried off with cheeks reddening from embarrassment, but Buck didn't mind the confusion one bit. How could he when he knew he looked up to Bobby like a son looked up to his father?
He smiled as he looked to Eddie, feeling very much content in that moment. "Does this mean I have to call him Captain Dad now?"
-.-.-.-.-
Bobby stood just behind Maddie as she fussed over Buck, unable to hide the smile from his face at the sight of it. Whilst Eddie no longer laid next to Buck, giving him and Maddie some space as he took a seat next to the bed, Bobby couldn't help but notice that he and Buck were always touching. Whenever one of them shifted or changed position slightly, the other automatically sought them out. Mostly, Eddie kept his hand on Buck's leg, but whenever he withdrew it even slightly, Buck's leg followed beneath the covers.
Bobby doubted they were even aware they were doing it, so when the topic of Chris came up, Bobby felt almost guilty for offering to drive Eddie home. There was a quiet reluctance in response, but Eddie agreed. Silence echoed between him and Bobby until they left the parking lot and took a left turn instead of a right.
"Er, Bobby, we're going the wrong way," Eddie said, brow furrowed as he looked back down the road.
"You're right," Bobby answered, "if I was taking you home."
"I'm sorry?"
"We're headed to mine, so you can get washed up and changed. You can borrow a shirt and some jeans of mine for now." Bobby offered up a smile as he glanced Eddie's way briefly, taking in the dried blood on his clothes. "No need for Chris to see you like this."
Eddie sank in the passenger seat a little, some of the tension leaving his body. "Thanks, Cap."
"Oh, don't thank me yet," Bobby continued. "I'm still pissed at you for disobeying me and putting yourself in danger the way you did. It was reckless, and stupid, and so very, very…"
"Buck," Eddie finished for him.
Bobby took a breath, any remaining anger leaving him. "Yeah." He shook his head and let go of a small chuckle. "You know, you were supposed to be a good influence on him. Teach him to maybe think before he acts."
"Hey, I think before I act," Eddie answered in a poor attempt at defence.
"Oh, really? Is that what you did last night?" Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Did you think what would happen to Christopher if you got hurt? And I mean really hurt."
"That's part of the job. Every day we put that uniform on, we put our lives on the line."
"No, fighting fires and helping people is part of the job. Not taking on deranged stalkers with guns."
Eddie was silent a moment before he finally answered. "Christopher would be fine. Buck would have gotten out. I would have made sure of it. And he already knows that it's in my will, that if I die, Chris will be with Buck."
Bobby looked toward Eddie quickly with a furrowed brow before focusing back on the road again. "Since when? I'm not saying I'm surprised but, that's a lot of pressure for so early in your relationship."
Eddie cleared his throat but didn't answer.
"Eddie?"
"It was before I got shot, okay? After the well incident. I changed my will then."
Honestly, Bobby should have seen it coming. Despite the animosity when he had first brought Eddie onto the team, out of everyone, it had been Buck he had bonded with most. They brought out the best in each other, even when they were being reckless, and Buck loved Christopher as if he was his own. You only had to spend five minutes with them to see it, so of course, it made sense that out of everyone, Eddie would choose Buck.
"Hey, Bobby?" Eddie questioned, dragging Bobby back to the moment.
"Yeah?"
"Carter had Buck drugged up pretty badly, right?"
Bobby nodded. "Yeah, he did. Why?"
It took a breath before Eddie answered, as if he was contemplating whether or not he should. "Back at the hospital, Buck was in pain."
"I'm not surprised. His body is recovering."
"But he refused any pain meds."
"What are you saying, Eddie?"
But Eddie shrugged. "I don't even know. I just, I'm worried about him."
Bobby swallowed and nodded. He hadn't forgotten about how defeated Buck had looked and sounded when he first woke up. He hadn't forgotten the confusion and the way Buck had looked at him, as if he couldn't quite believe he was actually seeing him. "Yeah, I know. Me too."
-.-.-.-.-
The twenty-four-hour observation turned into something a little closer to fifteen hours, with a little persuading. For the most part, the drugs appeared to be out of Buck's system, and he was glad to hear it. As for the rest, it was all superficial. Nothing Buck hadn't been through before. He was just finishing pulling his shirt on, eager to be on his way out of the hospital, when Bobby walked through the door to his room.
"Are you my ride, Cap?" Buck asked, grin splitting his face as he looked at Bobby.
"I am," Bobby answered, with a nod of the head. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone, passing it over to Buck. "Thought you might want this back. I charged it up for you."
Buck took the phone, his eyes drawn immediately to the crack down the centre of the screen. He made a mental note to get it fixed as soon as possible. It would have been easy enough to get a new phone, start fresh, no reminders of David or what had happened. But, as he smiled down at his lock screen and at the photo that looked back at him, he wasn't willing to give up all the good memories on the phone for the sake a small crack.
"Thanks, Bobby." He held the phone up in gratitude before sliding it into his pocket, and clapping his hands together, ready to be well on the road.
But as he took a step toward the door, Bobby remained where he was, looking very much like a man with something on his mind. Buck paused and tilted his head slightly, confused, until Bobby spoke and it all became clear.
"Eddie told me you were refusing pain meds." Bobby folded his arms lightly over his chest, looking over Buck with concern written into every part of him.
"Eddie? The guy who repeatedly refused treatment after getting trapped in a minivan?"
"Except, this isn't about Eddie. It's about you, Buck."
"I'm fine, Bobby."
But Bobby raised a sceptical eyebrow.
"Really, I'm fine."
"Look, Buck, I'm not going to presume to know what's going on in your head right now," Bobby started, before letting go of a sigh, his arms falling to his sides as he took a step forward. "In fact, no, that's a lie. David drugged you up pretty badly, against your will, and whilst I don't know what you went through, I know it would have been far worse that the bad trip we had with the LSD laced brownies."
Buck's gaze fell, his body slumping, feeling suddenly heavy. He knew he would eventually have to talk about what happened, but he wasn't sure he was ready to relive it just yet, not with the memory of not-Bobby still so clear in his mind.
"I know what it's like, Buck. I know the allure of wanting the pain to stop, even if it's only for a while, and I know how hard it is to fight back against that."
"That's just it," Buck answered, and he moved back to the bed, lowering himself onto the edge of it. "I don't want to stop the pain. When I first woke up in that basement, when I saw…" He swallowed hard, glancing up to Bobby and feeling his heart ache at the memory of not-Bobby. "I thought I was right back in the coma again. I saw something and it made me think, what if I never actually woke up? What if I just woke up from one coma dream to find myself trapped in another?"
"But you know this is real, right?" Bobby asked, and Buck couldn't bring himself to answer. "Buck, why would you think this isn't real?"
"I have a checklist," Buck finally admitted. He had only ever mentioned it to Maddie and his therapist before, not wanting the others to worry about him. "Ever since the coma. When I wake up, I go through it and… it was so real, Bobby. It was so real and not real at the same time."
"The texts," Bobby breathed out. "You started texting me right after you woke up from the coma. Like, every day. I always wondered why."
"There was this feeling that I could never pinpoint before, this weird numbness in my body, and I felt it again, in that basement. I knew I should be feeling pain, but it felt distant, like it wasn't mine."
"That's why you don't want the meds," Bobby answered. "Feeling the pain lets you know that this is real, that you're awake."
Buck looked up, meeting Bobby's gaze, almost scared of what he would see, but all he could see was the compassion in Bobby's eyes. "It was getting better, you know. I was getting better. I even stopped asking, why me? Eddie could have anyone, why would he choose me?"
Bobby took a seat next to him on the bed, his eyes soft as he looked at Buck. "I think the more accurate question would be, why wouldn't he? Buck, this isn't some random crush that Eddie developed over night. I've seen you both together, and I'm not the only one to notice something there."
"Why didn't you say something?"
Bobby smiled, squeezing Buck's shoulder lightly. "It wasn't my place to. Besides, these kind of things, they can't be rushed. This was something you and Eddie had to figure out for yourselves, when you were both ready. This is real, Buck. You, Eddie, this right now. You woke up and I'll do whatever you need me to in order to make sure you know that."
The small smile on Buck's face was genuine, even if it was smaller than usual, his shoulders feeling like a small weight had just been lifted. The next morning, when he went to check his phone, there was already a text from Bobby waiting for him, followed later by an awkward selfie at the firehouse. He sent one back with a half-asleep Eddie and grinning Christopher at the kitchen table in the background.
It was cereal for breakfast, with Eddie under strict orders to not even attempt to cook. Of course, Buck and Chris blamed his leg injury and needing to rest up. It had absolutely nothing to do with giving the smoke alarm a well needed break. By the time Carla came to take Christopher to school, Buck was getting told off by Eddie for clearing up instead of resting too. They had both, after all, been forced to take time off duty while they healed.
But Buck couldn't complain.
If he was honest, after everything that had happened, he was enjoying the quiet time with Eddie. He was enjoying falling asleep with Eddie on the couch as they watched trashy television and talked about things that had absolutely nothing to do with stalkers, or comas, or being shot at and drugged. He was enjoying the comfort of taking care of Eddie as Eddie took care of him. He was enjoying just being there, existing in that space, with Eddie.
Of course, they were dragged back to the reality of what had happened when Buck had to visit the station to give an in-depth statement of the events, but the knowledge of what was waiting for him when he got home made it easier. They weren't ignoring what had happened, Buck just refused to dwell on it for longer than it deserved.
He refused to let it ruin Halloween and taking Chris out to go trick-or-treating with Jee, Maddie and Chimney tagging along to keep an eye on both Buck and Eddie. Getting back to work was the next step in returning to normality and by the end of the first shift back, any awkward silences had been filled with the usual laughter and teasing.
Things were going well, and for a moment, Buck found himself no longer actively thinking about what had happened. He found himself allowing the memories to drift away, further and further into his mind. Until halfway through the second week.
They had just returned from a call and he was teasing Chimney as they climbed the stairs to the loft. He noticed the faces of the others change before he saw the box on the table and he felt himself freeze, his heart dropping in his chest. Though it couldn't have been more than a few seconds, the moment seemed to drag on for an eternity, until another member of the team brushed past them and headed toward the box.
"Completely forgot my bear claw," he said, but the smile on his face dropped as he turned to see Buck and the others, a look of guilt sliding into place.
"Really, MacTavish?" Chimney questioned, pushing forward.
"I'm sorry," MacTavish answered, stumbling over his words. "I didn't think."
Chimney picked up the box and shoved it into MacTavish's chest with more force than was really necessary. "Well, next time – do."
The sheepish look on MacTavish's face made the guy appear so much younger than his grey told, and he slunk away with his box, offering up a small apologetic nod to Buck and making sure to deliberately avoid making eye contact with Eddie.
"I'm gonna kill him," Eddie muttered under his breath, a low growl underlying his words, and that, right there, Buck knew, was why Chimney had jumped in first. To save Eddie from doing something he would regret, or at least something that would get him into trouble.
"Buck," Hen spoke up, placing a gentle hand on Buck's arm and looking to him with concern in her wide eyes.
"I'm fine," Buck lied, forcing a smile.
Just like he was fine his first day back when he heard about the new rules Bobby had put into place. No cameras allowed in the firehouse, and definitely no news crews. If there were any while they were out and about, Buck gets moved away. All visitors needed to sign in and be accompanied by a member of the firehouse at all times, and any gifts were to be left in Bobby's office until he had time to inspect them.
"Guess we better add no unattended boxes to the list," Chimney breathed out, taking a seat at the table and looking back toward Buck. "Cap will eat MacTavish alive for this."
Buck let go a long breath and rolled his eyes. "Don't you think that's a bit excessive? I mean, the guy didn't do anything wrong."
"He should know better," Eddie said. "After everything that… If Cap doesn't, I will."
"Eddie," Buck pleaded, gripping his wrist and forcing Eddie to meet his eyes. "I'm not going to break because of a box. People shouldn't have to worry about whether or not they're going to do something or say something that triggers a memory. I mean, don't you think this is all a bit over the top? David is gone and he's not coming back. I'm fine."
"Everyone is just being protective, Buck," Hen assured him, heading to the kitchen area and grabbing a drink from the fridge. "Cap in particular. He feels guilty about not being able to protect you. All of this, it's just his way of trying to gain some control back."
"Well, I don't like it." Buck crossed his arms over his chest and held his head up, like a petulant child.
"Well, you don't get a choice," Bobby answered from behind him, causing him to immediately drop his arms to the side. "This is a family, Buck, and family protect each other. We have each other's backs."
Bobby raised an eyebrow at him as he moved past, daring him to disagree, and Buck's shoulders slumped. He was outnumbered. Even Chimney remained silent as Hen offered up a sympathetic shrug, holding out two cans of soda to Buck and Eddie.
"You should be used to it by now," Eddie continued, clapping Buck on the back before taking one of the cans and joining the others at the table.
"That's what you get for being the baby of the family." Chimney grinned at him, mischief twinkling in his eyes.
Buck frowned at that, accepting the can from Hen and lowering himself into the chair beside Eddie. "What? I'm not… that's not…"
"Sure, it is," Chimney continued. "Bobby's the dad, I'm the handsome and successful older brother and Hen is the mature and caring sister." Hen watched with a level gaze as he said this, the warning clear that he had to choose his words carefully. "And Eddie's the weird half-brother from Texas who decided to hook up with a family member."
Eddie held his hands out at that, pulling an insulted face. "Okay, that's… Really?"
"Hey, I'm not the one who decided to start regularly making out my baby brother," Chimney continued with a shrug.
Hen tried to hide her laughter behind her drink, but it resulted in her coughing, and she refused to meet Eddie's eyes, her lips thinning in an attempt to keep her smile in check. Buck, however, couldn't keep the confusion from his face as he tried to go over Chimney's words.
"The point is," Bobby said, strong and firm, very much like a father would speak when he was attempting to stop his children from fighting, "you're stuck with us, Buck. Overprotectiveness and all."
Eddie's hand slipped into Buck's, his thumb gently running over Buck's skin, as a gentle smile spread across his lips. "We got you. Whether you like it or not."
Warmth spread through Buck, and he sunk into his seat, allowing himself the comfort that was offered to him. The corner of his mouth ticked up into a smile, but he refused to acknowledge the blush that he could feel flushing his cheeks. It would take time, he knew it would, but this right here, it gave him strength.
He was home.
-.-.-.-.-
Eddie wasn't sure what time it was when he woke and rolled over in bed, automatically seeking out Buck just to find his side of the bed empty. He frowned and squinted through the darkness before sitting up and looking around the room. A small stream of light broke through the gap under the door, accompanied by what sounded like a recording, Christopher's laugh instantly recognisable.
Pushing up, Eddie made his way to the living room, finding Buck on the couch, phone in hand as he appeared to be watching videos from his gallery, a small and distant smile on his face. Eddie moved closer and leaned over the back of the couch to wrap his arms around Buck's shoulders, leaning in and breathing him in.
"Couldn't sleep?" he questioned, lazy, as he watched the current video over Buck's shoulders, a video from a day out at the zoo about a month back. Eddie remembered it well.
"Sorry," Buck answered, clearing his throat. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Eddie shook his head, brushing off the apology and untangled himself so he could join Buck on the couch. "You were quiet tonight."
"I'm sorry," Buck started, before letting go of a chuckle at the raised eyebrow and unsaid warning that Eddie gave him. "I guess I've just been stuck in my head."
"I know that feeling," Eddie breathed out, gently tugging Buck in closer, seeking out the comfort of his touch.
Buck complied, abandoning his phone beside him and lying his head back against Eddie's arm. "Thank you," he murmured after a moment.
"Hmmm?" Eddie hummed in questioning, brow furrowing slightly.
"For coming for me."
"Buck," Eddie answered with a smile, "you're the best thing to ever happen to me and Chris. You think I'd let that go without a fight? You think I'd let some creep take you away from us? From me."
Buck didn't answer, but he didn't need to. His own smile and the way he relaxed said it all. They stayed like that for a few more moments before Eddie spoke again.
"I've been thinking," he said. "We have the day off on Friday. We should head over to your apartment, hand the keys in."
Buck frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I'm just saying, we should make it official… you living here."
Buck's eyes glistened with teasing. "Is that you asking me, or telling?"
"Maybe a bit of both," Eddie answered, nudging Buck lightly and playfully. "We could grab the rest of your things while we're there, probably be done in a day."
Buck snorted, looking about the room for a moment. "Something tells me my couch isn't going to fit in here."
"What are you talking about?" Eddie asked with a scoff, but he continued before Buck had chance to answer, readjusting himself so he was closer to Buck. "This is your couch, right here. Always has been."
Buck reached up and lightly took Eddie's hand in his own. He offered up no argument, and Eddie pretended not to notice the blush that fell across Buck's cheeks in the dim light as the younger man closed his eyes. Eddie watched him for a long while before closing his eyes also and enjoying the peace, listening to Buck breathing beside him. After a while, his breaths evened out and Eddie opened his eyes to see Buck's mouth had fallen open slightly, sleep claiming him.
The thought of losing Buck had been agony, but as Eddie watched Buck sleep and could feel his warmth seeping through, Eddie knew he could survive that pain if this was what he was coming home to at the end of it all. Buck, who fit so perfectly against him, so perfectly into his life and with Chris. He had taken that for granted for so long. All the times over the years when Buck had simply been there, turning LA into not just a place that Eddie lived, but into a home.
He remembered his conversation with his Tía Pepa and what she had said to him before, and he would be lying if he said he didn't find himself often thinking about, especially in quiet moments like this one.
After Shannon, Eddie had never thought he would ever remarry. Even whilst he was dating, the thought of letting someone into his and Christopher's lives like that, it terrified him. But Buck, he was already such a huge part of their lives that Eddie couldn't imagine him not being there. With Shannon, marriage had been the next logical step when she got pregnant with Chris. That was what you did when you got someone pregnant. You married them, you settled down with them, and then you did what Eddie was good at, and you ran away to war rather than face your problems.
But Eddie had grown so much since then. With Buck, he didn't want to run away. He wanted to face any problems head on and look them in the eye, Buck by his side. This time, he wanted to do it right. He wanted to get married for the right reasons. He wanted to marry Buck. He had already told his Tía Pepa that he was working on it and after everything that had happened, it all just reaffirmed his feelings.
He laid a gentle kiss on Buck's head before resting his own on top and closing his eyes once more. The bad, the good, Eddie wanted it all. He wanted moments like this, moments where the whole world disappeared and it was just the two of them. He wanted the happy breakfasts, the teasing with Chris, the fights and the make ups. He wanted the heat and intensity, and the softness and care. He wanted the man that made following his heart as easy as breathing.
He wanted Buck.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading!