Chapter 7 (Emi POV)

It has been six months since Hisao started running with me every morning. He can now run six laps without rest, which is really great given where he was six months ago.

I have been really impressed with his determination to do this. Before he came back to Yamaku it sounds like he given up on himself. Now, he's actively trying to make himself better.

I'm doing a lot better too. Hisao and I have become really close friends, and for the first time I have someone who I can tell everything to. Who I want to tell everything to. He's someone I trust. And that's an exceedingly rare thing for me.

I'm waiting for Hisao in the tea room. It was my day to make lunch for us, and I went with a new soba noodle sesame shrimp stir fry. Normally I wait for Hisao, but I'm starving and he's late. He knows I'm generally a rude person anyway. Just as I'm about to dig in, Hisao walks in.

"Sorry I'm late, had a student who is very worried about the next test and he had many questions."

He sits down, and we both dig in.

After his first few bites, Hisao exclaims "This might be the best lunch I have ever had."

I raise my eyebrows. "Seriously? I mean I think it's good, but that seems like hyperbole."

He smiles, "Hey, I'm serious! The shrimp is really well seasoned and cooked. People mess up shrimp a lot in stir fry, by overcooking it, and you didn't."

"Well I'm glad you like it so much," I say with a laugh.

After a few more minutes of silent eating, he says, "Well, I hate to cut this short, but I need to go meet with the librarian about books to put on hold for my students to use. I guess I won't see you again until our run tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I don't think so. Have track practice this evening. So yeah, see you tomorrow!

I just got home from track practice, and I'm exhausted. Kids these days are much less interested in putting in the work to unlock their full potential. Motivating them can be exhausting sometimes.

Of course, I guess Miki was like that during my days on the track team. Maybe it isn't a generational thing. But it's so much easier to blame it on that.

I get into my apartment, take off my legs, and collapse on the couch.

I need to take a shower…but that would involve moving. So…yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen. I start dozing off, but I come back to full attention when my phone vibraes on the table next to me. I grab it and answer it without opening my eyes.

"Hrm…hello?"

"Hey Emi. It's Hisao. Did I wake you up?"

"Kinda, but it's okay. What's up?"

"Some…stuff happened today, and I'm really not coping very well." He sounds upset. I didn't notice before because I was half asleep. I'm a little worried now.

"Oh, do you want to talk about it? We can talk on the phone, or I could come over. Whichever."

"Yeah, I could really use one of our talks right now. You sound tired, so we could just do it on the phone."

"No, no I'm fine. I'm coming over."

"Okay. Thank you, Emi."

I laugh, "Don't thank me yet. I haven't done anything. I'll be over there soon, okay?"

We say our goodbyes. As I put my legs back on I start to wonder what might have happened. I really hope he's okay. I hope that I can help him.

As I am about to walk out the door, an idea strikes me. I have some of that stirfry he loved so much left over still. He sounds like he needs it. I package it into a bento box and head out the door.

"Come on in."

When Hisao answers the door, his voice is devoid of emotion. He looks pretty rough too. His hair is even messier than it usually is, his clothes are all wrinkled, and I can tell he has been crying. Probably fully clothed in bed. I really hope I can help him.

I give him my best smile. "Hisao, have you eaten? I had some leftovers from that lunch you liked so much today so I brought them. You're probably going to want to reheat them, though." I hand him the lunch box.

He gives me a small smile, which given his current mood is probably equal to a rictus grin. "Thanks Emi, I'll go reheat them. Make yourself comfortable in the living room."

This is my first time in Hisao's apartment, so I snoop around the living room a little. It is rather small and spartan. Most of the room is devoid of decoration or personality. But, there is one corner of the living room that is very vibrant. Somewhere where he did his best to make sure it looks nice. It's hard not to be drawn to that corner.

The centerpiece of that corner is a bookshelf. It mostly contains music books, and it features lots of pictures of Saki and Hisao looking absolutely in love with each other. Some of them date all the way back to Yamaku. They were super adorable together back in high school, and I can see that didn't change when they got married. On top of the bookshelf there is a violin on display. I don't know much about violins, but this one looks like it has been taken very good care of. There isn't a speck of dust on it. As I examine the bookshelf, things click for me. I pull out one of the books and see that it's a collection of Saki's songs. All of these books are hers. And the violin is hers too. It's a little shrine to the wife that he misses so desperately.

My heart already aches for how much Hisao misses her, but seeing this somehow makes it even more tangible. I know he says I'm strong, but he has to have some serious strength too. He did the thing that I fear the most in the world. He let someone get close to him. Someone who he knew was going to die before he ever did. He signed up for a marriage that was always going to end in tragedy. That sounds like a lot more strength than anything I possess.

I sit down on the couch just as Hisao comes in with the food that I brought him.

He sits down at a small table and starts to eat. "Seriously Emi, I can't believe how good this is." That's the first time he has looked or sounded anything like his usual self. He must really like it. I'm not that impressed with it myself, but if it gets this reaction out of him when he's this down, I'm going to need to make it again in the future.

"I'm glad you like it."

We sit in silence for awhile while Hisao finishes eating. At which point he says,

"Alright, so. Let's talk about what I rudely dragged you out of bed for today."

I frown. "Hisao, it's not a big deal. I was just dozing, and it isn't even that late. So stop bringing that up, or I'm going to take it out on you on the track tomorrow. Now just tell me what's bothering you."

Another small smile.

"Okay, okay fine. Remember how I was going to meet the librarian during lunch today? Well, things got more…interesting than I bargained for."

"...interesting, how?"

"Well, we were just talking about some of the books in the collection that would be useful for my third-year students who are doing projects, and I wanted to make sure some of them were on hold so they could all easily get them and read them in the library, and no one else would check the out. This is something I've done several times, and I've met with Miss Watanabe a lot at this point. We've gotten fairly friendly in the time since I've been back. She actually has a lot of interest in science, so we talk about that sometimes when I'm in the library."

He sighs.

"Well, today…she confessed to me. Out of nowhere. I replied by making some excuse, and got the hell out of there."

"Well, that sounds awkward."

"It was."

"She's the busty young librarian right? She's like…22 or something? The one that many of the students drool over? That's some pretty impressive pull, Hisao."

I can see from the irritated look on his face that my line of thinking here isn't very helpful.

Come on, Ibarazaki! That's not the kind of guy Hisao is, and certainly not right now when he's still mourning his wife.

"S-sorry, that was...dumb of me to say."

"I just don't know what's wrong with me. Something inside of me...is broken." He puts his elbows on the table, tilts his head, and uses his hands to massage his temples. I hear him start to sniffle a little bit. He must be crying.

Way to go Ibarazaki, way to make a joke at the worst possible time!

I get up from the couch and go over to him, and put my hand on his back to comfort him. "What do you mean?"

"You were joking...but what you said a minute ago. It's...true. I should be willing to date this woman, if I wasn't broken. She's attractive, we have similar interests, I would even say I like talking to her. But before today I never saw her in that light. I…I…just don't see anyone in that light…anymore." He starts shaking as the tears begin to flow more readily. I hug him from behind and rest my head on his back. "I'm… trying really hard to honor my promise to her, Emi. But I…I just don't know if I can ever love someone again like that…I'm just… broken." He trails off and leans forward on the table, crying into his own arms. I can feel his body shaking with every sob.

"Hisao, did your promise to Saki have some sort of time limit?"

He seems caught off guard by my question. It causes him to stop crying for a moment. "W-what? No, not really." He laughs wrly. "She did joke that there needed to be 'an appropriate mourning period' first. He chuckles, and I laugh too.

Of course Saki made a joke on her deathbed. I wish I had gotten to know her better.

I stand back up and walk around so I can look in his eyes. But his head is still down, so I can't see much. "Well, if there was no time limit, is it really a big deal that you haven't moved on yet? Heck, maybe this still is part of the 'appropriate mourning period' she was talking about, right?"

He thinks about it for a second and then says, "I…guess it could be."

"It sounds like you still just aren't ready. And I think that's fine. If your instinct was not to return her feelings, I think its okay to go with that instinct. Just remember like I've said before, all you can do is try. You're doing your best. But you're still mourning Saki, and that's okay too." I glance over at the bookshelf in the corner of the room and have to do my best not to start crying myself, remembering what I was thinking when I was looking at those pictures.

"A little while back you told me how strong I was, because I could deal with my…trauma and I was still standing. I want you to know, you're really strong too Hisao. You've talked about how the trauma I've been through is unfathomable to you. Well for me, what you've been through is also hard to comprehend. You loved Saki so much that you married her despite knowing that you would lose her. I could never do that. It makes sense that you're still having such a hard time. The love you two had was clearly something really special."

He lifts his head up and says, half-jokingly, "That was a really good pep talk, Emi."

I smile at him, "You can joke about it, but I can tell it helped a little."

He lets out a small chuckle, "It did. I was just trying not to be too sentimental."

"Look, eventually the right woman will come along and it will feel right for you. You have plenty of time. And you know what? If you can find happiness without ever finding love again, that's great too. I don't think Saki would object to that. From what you told me of the promise, it was basically that you'd find happiness. I'm sure that's all she wanted for you. And sure, love was part of it, but it isn't necessarily a requirement."

He looks at me thoughtfully, I guess he has never really thought about it this way. It makes sense, he has been really fixated on the "find love again" aspect of the promise.

"You've also been doing a really great job these last several months Hisao. You're taking better care of yourself, you're getting out in the world more, you have the most awesome best friend in the world" I wink at him, "So focus on the successes a little bit more. You're just…putting a lot of pressure on yourself about this, and I think you should lay off of yourself at least a little bit."

"You're right." He sighs, "I do feel a strange sense of pressure about it, and that probably was never what Saki intended."

I nod in agreement.

He stands up and gives me a hug. "Thanks a lot Emi. I'm glad I dragged you out of bed." He seems mostly back to his usual self.

"No problem. You'd do the same for me. You…have done the same for me."

We break the hug.

"That's true, but I still appreciate it. Well, it is starting to get pretty late. I better get some rest or I might sleep through when I'm supposed to meet my fitness trainer tomorrow. She's a real hard ass, so I don't think I'd hear the end of it." We laugh together. It feels good that he is his usual jokey self now. It feels…fulfilling to help him and support him. I'm starting to get what this whole 'close friendship' thing is all about.

He walks me to the door, and just as I step out he says, "Again, sorry to ruin your image of me as a rugged paragon of masculinity."

I laugh.

"Hisao, get some rest. You better be at the track in the morning!"

"I wouldn't dream of letting you down. 'Night Emi."