Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.
"I can't believe Master Luke is making me do this!"
C-3PO was far from happy over the task he was about to carry out by order of Luke Skywalker.
The protocol droid's armour was covered by a bright red cloak. A matching red pointed hat with a ball of white fluff at the end sat on top of his head. His metallic face was half hidden away by a large false beard. Only his glowing golden eye sensors were visible behind the artificial white hair. They were taking in the outfit which he had been made to wear - finding it utterly ridiculous.
"I don't agree with this Christmas nonsense, R2. I can't see what humans find so jolly about it. Utter folly is what I'd call it!"
R2-D2 bleeped his disagreement. Unlike his sour-mooded partner, the little astromech was enthusiastic about the task that Luke had given them to do. The small blue droid was dressed in a cloak and hat of his own that was in green instead of red. Whereas 3PO wasn't pleased to be playing the part of Santa Claus, R2 was more than happy to embrace his role as a Christmas elf.
He knew the job which Luke had given them to do was sure to make lots of children from across the Galaxy very happy.
At that moment, there came a banging noise from outside the door of the grotto the droids were in. 3PO peered towards it, picking up the sound of cheery youthful voices from the other side.
"Santa?! Are you in there?!"
"We wanna see you, Santa!"
"Let us in, Santa!"
"It's the younglings! They're here!" 3PO turned to his counterpart. "Let them in, R2! And remember, watch your language around these children! We don't want them to pick up your vulgar ways!"
R2 snorted indignantly as he rolled over to the door of the grotto. He plugged himself into the device to open up the entrance, twisting it a few times before the door slid open upwards with a hiss.
There was loud cheers as hundreds of excited children stampeded into the grotto. Their faces lit up over what they found inside. They paid no attention to the twinkling lights that hung from the walls or the Christmas tree that stood in the corner. All of their gazes were fixed to the figure that was sat on the throne, wearing his red cloak and hat.
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" C-3PO did his best to sound jolly as he raised a robotic arm to wave to the children. "Merry Christmas, younglings!"
"It's Santa!"
The cry from one of the delighted children cued more elated cries and yells from all the others. All of them completely believed they had come upon the real Santa, not one of them realising he was nothing more than a protocol droid in a red cloak and false beard.
"Yes it is I, Santa Claus!" C-3PO lied. "Form a line, younglings, and I shall speak to you all one at a time to take your Christmas orders!"
Eager to let Santa know what they wanted from him for Christmas, the children lined up in front of the throne. R2 returned to his place beside 3PO's throne. The robotic elf was far more excited to start meeting each of the countless children than the Santa droid was.
The first child in the line made his way up to Santa's throne. He pulled himself up to sit on his knee, failing to notice how hard and uncomfortable it felt underneath the red cloak.
"Hello," C-3PO said, still trying to sound more cheerful than he was feeling. "What is your name, young man?"
"Jimmy," the little boy replied.
"Well, young Jimmy, I hope you have been a good boy this year!"
"I sure have, Santa!" Jimmy nodded. "I wanna be a Jedi when I grow up! So I haven't done anything naughty this year! That would be a path to the Dark Side of the Force!"
"Erm, indeed!" 3PO stammered, not wanting to get caught up in talk about Jedi and the Force, which had no significance to droids. "So, Jimmy, what would you like for Christmas?!"
"I want my very own lightsaber!" Jimmy grinned as she began to make swooshing laser noises while swinging his fists around, pretending to be armed with the weapon of a Jedi. "Not a red one, of course! That's the colour which the Sith use! I want want a green one or a blue one or even a purple one-"
"Now slow down there, little Jimmy!" 3PO interrupted. "You can't get a lightsaber just like that! You need to be trained with one first!"
"Trained?!" Jimmy repeated, bewildered. "But I don't need any training, Santa! I know how to use a lightsaber!"
"You may think you do! But lightsabers are not something you can just simply swing around! If you do not receive some training, you'll end up slicing off somebody's arm!"
R2 bleeped, not pleased that even under the guise of Santa Claus in front of a young children, 3PO was still undergoing his cynical, fun-killing mood.
"Now run along, young Jimmy." 3PO gently pushed the youngster off hinself and back onto his feet. "Have a Merry Christmas, and, erm… May the Force be with you!"
Jimmy walked away, bewildered by the chat he'd had with Santa. It hadn't at all been anything like he'd expected. He hung back as the rest of the children waited in line for their turn to speak to the bearded figure in red.
"Next please!"
At 3PO's call, a little girl at the front of the queue skipped forward to take Jimmy's place. She smiled brightly as she sat herself down on the droid's lap.
"Hello, my dear!" 3PO greeted her. "And what is your name?"
"Sarah!"
"Sarah? My, what a pretty name for a pretty young lady such as yourself!"
"Thanks, Santa!" Sarah giggled.
"So, Sarah, what would you like for Christmas!"
Sarah's eyes shone wistfully as she prepared to reveal what she wanted Santa to bring her that year.
"My very own astromech droid!"
"An astromech droid?" 3PO repeated, astonished.
R2 whistled, highly intrigued by the little girl's Christmas wish.
"Yeah! I've always wanted my very own astrodroid!" Sarah explained jubilantly. "He and I would be best friends! We'd play together, have tea parties together and he can sleep at the foot of my bed-"
"If you'll hold on a moment there, young Sarah!" 3PO held up a hand for silence. "I wouldn't recommend you asking for an astrodroid! They are nothing but trouble!"
"They are?" Sarah blinked, her smile fading. "Really?"
R2 bleeped frantically, trying to assure the little girl that what she was being told wasn't true.
"They most certainly are, my dear child! I personally know an astromech who's a real nuisance! He causes knowing but trouble for me! Whenever things go wrong, it's all his fault!"
Knowing perfectly well that 3PO was referring to him, R2 let off an irate bleep, not taking kindly to the way the snooty protocol droid was speaking of him to the small girl.
"Okay, off you go now, young Sarah!" 3PO ignored the insults R2 had hurled at him as he gently pushed the child off of his lap. "Next!"
A scrawny young boy was at the front of the line. He had a mischievous glint in his eye as he approached 3PO. As he plonked himself down on the droid's lap, he noticed his glowing golden eye sensors above the false beard he wore.
"And what is your name, young man?" 3PO asked.
The boy sneered. "None of your business, Goldilocks!"
"I beg your pardon?!" 3PO burst out, appalled that a younglings was speaking to who he thought was Santa in such a rude manner.
"All ya need to know is that I want you to bring me for Christmas a certain costume!"
"A certain…costume?" 3PO stammered. "Erm…and what costume would would that be that you happen to want?"
"One just like Darth Vader!"
"Darth Vader?!" 3PO burst out in alarm. He was highly aghast today hear that the small younglings before him wanted to dress up like the infamous Dark Lord of the Sith. The protocol droid frantically shook his head. "Not a chance! Out of the question!"
"What?!" The boy hissed, narrowing his eyes upon hearing his Christmas wish was being denied. "Why not?!"
"We do not need imitators of the evil Darth Vader!" 3PO yelled. "Especially not little younglings like you who are so easily influenced."
"Aww c'mon, Santy!" The boy whined. "Are you just jealous that Vader's black outfit is way cooler than your red one?!"
"I am not jealous!" 3PO insisted hotly. "And you are not to have a costume like Darth Vader, young man! That is my final say on the matter!"
"I WANT A DARTH VADER OUTFIT!" The boy screamed in a whiny voice. "THAT'S WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS - AND THAT'S WHAT YOUR GOING TO GET ME!"
Without warning, the boy grabbed hold of the cloaked figure's beard. He yanked on it with one swift move - ripping it clean off C-3PO, revealing his robotic face underneath.
Loud gasps escaped from the younglings waiting in line. All were aghast and horrified to see the metallic face of the protocol droid.
"Hey!" The rude boy exclaimed, staring with confusion at the false beard in his hand. "What gives?!"
All of the children's eyes were on C-3PO. No longer were any of them fooled into believing he was Santa Claus. They could all see that he was nothing more than a robotic imposter.
"Hey!" Jimmy cried, glaring. "That ain't Santa Claus!"
"It's just a droid!" Sarah added.
An eerie silence filled the whole grotto. It was broken only by a worried whistle which came from R2.
"Oh dear…" 3PO said fretfully. "I have a bad feeling about this…"
"GET HIM!" roared the rude boy.
With loud angry roars, the children charged towards 3PO. The protocol cried out in terror as the cavalry of enraged younglings paraded on his direction. They knocked his throne backwards, sending him flying off to land on his back onto the floor, where they proceeded to kick and punch him with all their strength.
"STOP THAT!" 3PO bellowed to his small attackers. "STOP THAT THIS INSTANT, YOUNGLINGS - OR I WILL NOT BRING YOU ANY PRESENTS FOR CHRISTMAS!"
The children took no notice. They tore off 3PO's red jacket and hat as they continued to beat him up. All of them felt appalled and betrayed that he had tried to fool them into thinking he was Sant - despite the subtle clues he'd been unintentionally dropping that would have revealed he was a droid.
Next to where his partner was being attacked, R2 watched in bemusement - as well as relief that the younglings were not attacking him as well. Among 3PO's hollers and cries as he was attacked by the furious children, the little astromech managed to hear some shouting that was directed at him.
"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, R2! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER! GET OVER HERE AMD HELP ME, YOU LITTLE BLUE BLEEPING PILE OF SCRAP!"
The insult that had been hurled at him was enough to make R2-D2 decide he was not going to help the one who had sent it. The little astromech just stood back to allow the younglings continue to brutally attack C-3PO, letting off a bleep that sounded very much like an amused snicker.
The end.