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Notes: 1st actual diary entry vs. Kakashi's autobio and diary.
Check out the latest version of Kakashi's autobio and diary. It's the previous chapter. Remember to leave a review.
"Speach."
"Writing."
Diary of Yoshirō Ogawa
Yoshirō Ogawa glared at the notebook on his desk. His psychologist said that he should start a diary to relieve stress and to help cope with the traumatizing missions that ANBU members regularly go through. Did the man not understand that all ANBU missions were classified? Or better yet, what in the name of Kami and her (mostly) green Earth did the man expect him to write? His feelings? Ha! ANBU don't have feelings. They are the perfect killing machines in the name of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.
"Just write down your thoughts. Even if it's how much you hate the idea of starting a diary," said his psychologist."
Yoshiro followed the man's recommendations.
"January 2nd, 65 GFE
Dear Diary,
This is a stupid idea. Who in their right mind tells an ANBU Black Ops member to write down their thoughts? Do those Yamanaka shrinks not understand that all ANBU missions are classified–and for good reason? We take the missions that would greatly irritate people if someone found out. I'd call them morons if they weren't good at "extracting" information from prisoners. And my squad captain ANBU Wolf, is acting like the biggest hypocrite in the world. He orders me, a happily married man, to go to counseling. Well, look who's talkin'?! That man is a damn good ANBU Captain, but he has the emotional range of a teaspoon–which is depressed and emotionless killer. On top of that, the only love he gets is from his right hand, he spends so much time at the memorial stone that he has a lawn chair dedicated to him, and he reads porn in PUBLIC! 'They'll help you with your stress and trauma.' Yeah, well, if it's so good, then why don't you try it?"
Yoshiro talked as he wrote and raised his voice at specific points. But it felt good. Yoshiro felt lighter and less stressed. Yoshiro reluctantly admitted that the Yamanaka shrink might be on to something.
"January 10th, 65 GFE"
Yoshiro's hand was shaking. The mission was a success. But he lost two comrades, and one of them was honorably discharged. He still remembered the blood on his hands when he tried to stop the bleeding. His writing was worse than a four-year-old's.
[Messy, scratchy handwriting, paper is damp from tears.]
"Dear Diary,
I know I'm not supposed to write down what happens on ANBU missions but…I don't know if I can keep this a secret and not kill myself if I don't. My team–ANBU Team Two, was sent on a suicide mission to delay the Iwa offensive as long as possible. Objectively, the mission was a success. Iwa's jonin commander is dead, and destroying the food storage scrolls would hurt them in a few days. But I feel like a failure. Two of my friends gave their lives to buy time to mount a defense against the Iwa offensive. That Minato Namikaze better work a fucking miracle because two men died so that he could be in "more important" areas. Every shinobi knows that sometimes, information is more important than lives. But I'll let you know when that knowledge makes the survivor's guilt disappear. Is this how Sakumo felt when he chose his comrades over the mission–even though it forcefully entered Konoha into the 3rd Shinobi War? If so, then I owe Kakashi an apology.
I was one of Sakumo's and Kakashi's most prominent critics when Sakumo botched his last mission. I called Sakumo some names that I would take back if I could. Kakashi spends hours at the memorial stone each day. It couldn't hurt to see what's so great about it."
[After vising memorial stone]
"That was…oddly therapeutic. I apologized to Kakashi, for one. I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. The man accepted my apology. And he didn't just nod his head. He actually meant it. I apologized to Sakumo, too–for whatever it's worth. Today was a really shitty day. I returned from a hellish mission at the ass-crack of dawn with two dead comrades and one crippled one. And yet, I'll go to bed tonight feeling better than I did this morning. I'll have to thank that Yamanaka psychologist next time I see him."
Yoshiro felt the good kind of numb for the first time in ages. "This is the last time I complain about the beds in the ANBU barracks."
[More legible, cleaner handwriting.]
"October 6th, 65 GFE
Dear Diary,
That's it. I'm done. I'm burnt out. I've served my time in ANBU. It's time to go back to being a regular jonin. Maybe I'll take a genin team. According to my buddy Shiro, the brats are like your children. Yes, they irritate you, but you still love them. My wife, Maki, said I would make a good teacher. And I said she was crazy. Maybe this year's genin will help me even more with my…issues.
I wonder what walking around without a blood-stained mask will be like. Will the sun hurt my eyes? Will I get a bad sunburn? ANBU don't see the sun a whole lot. We get sent to the deepest, darkest, nastiest pits of hell the Elemental Nations has to offer."
[Time skip: four months]
"February 14th, 66 GFE
Dear Dairy,
That bastard Shiro was right. Those damn genin irritate me like no other. But I damn near gutted a pair of rogue ninjas for daring to come near them. I had to remind myself that I have a genin team, and that it's not okay to torture in front of kids. We were on a C-rank headed towards Grass Country to renew our contracts. They were after me, which is interesting because I've never seen a pair of low-life, C-rank, Iwan scum ninjas take a shot at a high A-ranked ninja. If their goal was to test the waters without consequences, they chose the wrong people on both sides."
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