My December
Biting gusts of wind howl through the city of Edge, rattling windows and scattering hail against the glass panes with the force of tiny, angry fists. In the small but cozy bedroom above Seventh Heaven, Cloud and Tifa sleep entwined in each other's arms, seeking warmth from one another as the oil heaters lie dormant, having malfunctioned yet again the way that they seem to do every winter when they are needed the most. December's winter chill seeps into their apartment, but they find solace in their shared body heat, extra blankets piled upon their bed and cocooning them in warmth.
Down the hall, Denzel rests peacefully in his own room.
Tifa stirs restlessly within Cloud's embrace, her brow furrowed with distress. Nightmare images flash through her mind like a disjointed reel of horror – Her father, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, Aerith – all falling once more, taken away from her despite her desperate efforts. Guilt gnaws at her, tightening its grip on her heart.
The scenes blend together, hazy and distorted, yet feeling unbearably and oppressively real. The heat of roaring flames scorches her skin, and she can almost hear the final gasps of her dying friends. She witnesses her father bleeding out on the Nibelheim reactor catwalk, Sephiroth descending from the sky to deliver Aerith's fatal blow, her friends crushed beneath the collapsing plate. They blur together, but the faces all turn to her in horror and dismay before they fall, all scorn her with the same accusatory look of blame.
As the nightmare reaches its peak, Tifa is drenched in cold sweat, shivering with terror. Her throat feels wired shut and she can't seem to move from where she's pinned against the mattress. The panic she's riddled with explodes like tinder, and with a choked scream torn from her throat, she awakens abruptly, tearing herself away from Cloud's protective hold.
"NO!"
Her voice echoes throughout the quiet room, filled with panic and pain, sharp and violent against the calm of the cold and weary night. The walls of their bedroom seem to snap back and recoil at the sound of her voice, the earth shaking beneath them from her pain. She rolls away from Cloud, flinging his arm back and away as if it is a rope that has been hanging her. She stretches her hands out, flailing as if she is fighting tides that rip and try to drown her.
Cloud's eyes snap open, immediately honing in on Tifa's distraught expression. He's disoriented but instantly awake, his wife's horrified voice ripping him from the peace of his slumber. His mind and body work without hesitation, lifting him from the tangle of sheets as he surges forward, reaching for her trembling form.
"Ti-Tifa?" he stammers, his own heart pounding in response to her fear. He realizes that she is shaken from distress and that she is in full fight-or-flight mode, her movements erratic and unsure. His heart races, but he tries to stem his own panic in an effort to be stable for her.
"It's okay... I'm here."
Cloud breathes, his arms looping around her. Nightmares are no stranger to either of them, haven't been for a long time, he knows. They've dealt with them for as long as he can remember, since they first defeated Sephiroth together.
Some nights are easier than others.
Tifa turns to him, and her wide eyes are wild and full of terror. But seeing him behind her, a wall that cages her in, their fury ebbs some and she relaxes, her shoulders falling back as she slumps.
"Cloud... it was so real... they were all dying..." her words come out in a broken whisper, tears brimming in her eyes as she clutches at her head. She shakes it back and forth, her mind caught in a tangle of memories. She doesn't know why she thinks of death again, why she thinks of it so often. She is supposed to have moved passed this. This all is supposed to be behind them by now.
Will she ever be able to move on?
"Shh, it was just a nightmare, Tifa," Cloud murmurs, wrapping his arms around her quivering body and tightening his hold. At first, she resists his embrace, but the strength and warmth of his hold gradually begin to soothe her racing thoughts and her racing heart. There have been nights where he was on the other end of this embrace, her arms wrapped around him as he trembled and shook and sobbed, and she never wavered, even when he screamed.
Just like her, he won't back down and she knows it.
Still, there are too many images and memories that she can't push away. The sight of flames and blood, the scent of copper and steel. The sound of screams and choked, final breaths, cold empty eyes staring back at her as life slips away. She shakes her head and pushes away from him, stumbling to her feet in an effort to break free.
Cloud watches her struggling to free herself from the tangled sheets. He quickly reaches for her, attempting to offer some semblance of comfort, but she moves too quickly. She stammers incoherently between sobs, finally disentangling herself from the blankets and stumbling out of bed. Her legs are weak beneath her as she paces back and forth by the window, her hands gripping her head in a futile attempt to dispel the haunting images that still linger.
Moonlight pours into the room, casting eerie shadows on the walls and illuminating the beads of cold sweat that cling to Tifa's pale skin. Her crimson eyes, filled with terror and unshed tears, shimmer like pools of liquid obsidian under the silvery glow, mirroring the plaguing darkness in her heart.
"Hey," Cloud calls softly, his heart aching at the sight of her distress. He doesn't want to overwhelm her, knows she needs her space and she needs to breathe. But a promise made is a promise kept, and he won't let her venture far. It's cold in this room and she's wearing shorts and one of his old tanks, and with his enhanced eyesight, he can already see the way her skin bubbles with gooseflesh the moment she leaves the warm safety of their bed. He knows that she'll punish herself with discomfort when she's this way, and so he silently crawls out of bed and follows her to the window, reaching out to gently touch her shoulder.
"It was just a nightmare, Tifa. It's not real."
A beat passes. Tifa's shoulder relaxes under Cloud's gentle touch, and he feels her shiver as she lowers her head. Outside, a car horn blares obscurely as it rounds a corner, its tires slicing through the wet asphalt below. The warmth of his hand infects her skin, and the tension slowly slips from her bones.
"It just… it felt so real, Cloud..." she finally chokes out, her voice barely audible above the howling wind outside. Her body convulses from the cold again, and it tears at Cloud's heart, spurring him to act. He wraps his arms around her, her back and shoulders still tense and trembling. But the reassuring warmth of his embrace, coupled with the steady beat of his heart against her back, gradually begins to ease her fears. Tifa sighs over a stiff sob, trying to choke the sound back, but Cloud squeezes her against his chest to let her know that he is there.
He will always be there, he silently reaffirms to both her and to himself.
"Shhh," he murmurs, his breath warm against her neck as he strokes her back with tender care. "You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you. You know that, don't you?"
Tifa feels herself melting into Cloud's hold, the strength of his arms providing an anchor amidst the chaos of her thoughts and fears. Her petite frame feels even more fragile and delicate within his protective embrace, yet the trust and love and fortitude that binds them together remains unbreakable like steel. She can't stop crying, but his sturdy and weighted presence, the clean, earthy scent of his skin, the bright heat of his body… it anchors her to that moment, the wisps of ugly and painful memories drifting away. The sobs wracking her body are like shards of glass piercing Cloud's heart, yet he remains steadfast and strong, a beam that supports her, never letting her fall.
"Let it out," he encourages gently. He knows the deep pain and guilt that has been festering within her for far too long, because he's been carrying it too. Sometimes they can shoulder it and move on. Sometimes, he has to scream and cry and fight back the demons and the nightmares.
Tonight, it's her turn.
"You don't have to carry this burden alone."
As Tifa cries into Cloud's chest, her tears mingling with the fabric of his shirt, she can feel the weight of those guilt-ridden and ugly nightmares slowly dissipating, replaced by the warmth and love of her husband who has always been her rock, even in the darkest of times. His hand rubs absently at her back, so large it nearly covers the expanse of her spine from shoulder to shoulder.
She doesn't forget her parents or her friends, will never forget how they were lost. But while he is holding her like this, while he is close… she can let go of the terrors of the past and remember the good things, the memories that fill her with love.
"Thank you, Cloud," Tifa murmurs, her voice barely a whisper but filled with immense gratitude as it floats through the tiny space of their quiet room. Their bedroom has become their sanctuary these last few years, the place where they can bare their souls to one another, where they can unleash their darkness and their light, where they can find their hopes and dreams within each other.
"Always, Tifa," Cloud replies, his own emotions swelling within him as he holds her close. "I'll be here for you, no matter what."
The storm outside rages on, but the room is now filled with a different kind of tempest – one of raw emotion and vulnerability. As Tifa's sobs begin to quiet down, Cloud gently guides her back toward the bed, sitting them both down amidst the tangle of blankets. He pushes them aside to make room for them, guiding her close to him so he can pull the covers around her. The softness of the sheets beneath them provides a stark contrast to the harsh weather beyond the window, the hail still attacking the glass and cars outside still pummeling the gravel.
"Talk to me," Cloud urges softly, his fingers tracing soothing circles on her back as he encourages her to open up. They both have tendencies to gravitate inward on nights like this, but Cloud has learned over the last few years of being with Tifa and their family that it is never good to keep things in for too long. His bout with Geostigma and his own guilt and regrets taught him that much.
Tifa hesitates for a moment, her breath hitching in her chest as she searches for the right words. She can feel the solid warmth of Cloud beside her, his unwavering presence acting as an emotional anchor in the stormy sea of her thoughts. It's this unconditional trust and love that finally allows her to release the floodgates, and she breathes out, knowing that it is with him and him alone that she can bare these thoughts.
"Even though we've moved on and things have gotten better… I still have nightmares," she confesses, her voice breaking with the weight of the admission. "I just can't escape the guilt."
"Hey," Cloud says softly, pulling her closer to him. "You're not alone in this. I have nightmares too. But you know what helps me sleep at night? You. Our family."
Tifa looks up at him, her eyes shining with new, unshed tears. In the dim light of their bedroom, she can see the sincerity etched into every line of his face. That they share this burden together strengthens the bond between them further. Sometimes, she just has to acknowledge that, remembering that she is never in this alone.
The nightmares may never stop, she knows. But he is always there.
Gently, Cloud takes her hand, guiding it to rest over his heart. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat thrums against her palm, comforting and grounding. "This beat right here, Tifa? You're what keeps it going, every day. You keep me alive."
He then moves his hand to cover her heart, feeling its strong beat reverberate through her chest. "After Meteorfall, I promised that if you ever forgot who you were or how strong you are, I'd be there to remind you," he says, his voice barely audible over the sound of the hail outside. "I meant it when I said that. I hope I can help keep you living and fighting, just like you do for me."
Tifa's heart swells with love for this man who has been her personal Gibraltar through it all. The water tower from their childhood seems a distant memory, but the feelings that blossomed there have only grown stronger. As the wind continues to howl outside, Tifa knows that, within these walls, she is safe and loved – and that together, they will face whatever storms may come their way.
Because she has him, and because he will always remind her.
"Cloud," she whispers, the sound barely audible above the relentless drumming of hail against the windowpane. "Thank you for being here, for always supporting me."
As their eyes lock, Cloud leans forward, the small distance in their bed closing, his mako-blue eyes glowing like sapphire beacons. The connection between them feels tangible, an almost electric current running through their entwined fingers.
Her delicate hand reaches up to cup his cheek, fingertips tracing the strong lines of his face. She sees in his eyes the same depth of love and devotion that she feels within herself. It's as if their souls are intertwined, bound together by an unbreakable bond forged through a cauldron built of shared pain and loss but fueled by a fire of affection and admiration.
At that moment, all her fears and guilt recede, replaced by something else – a burning desire for closeness, an overwhelming need to feel truly one with him. She leans in, closing the distance between them, her breath warm on his lips before they meet in a passionate kiss.
Cloud responds almost instantly, deepening the kiss as he pulls her closer, their bodies pressing against each other. They lose themselves in each other's embrace, the taste of her tears mingling with the heat of his passion. As they pull apart, Cloud's eyes shimmer with raw emotion.
"Tifa, I love you more than anything in this world. Let me show you," he whispers into her ear, his words weaving new promises to bind their hearts together. "Let me prove that I'll be here, no matter what."
His voice is low and husky, filled with a conviction that sends shivers down her spine. They fall back onto the bed, the cold forgotten as they find warmth in each other's arms. Cloud wraps her tightly in his embrace, his powerful muscles flexing around her soft curves. She feels protected, cherished, loved beyond words.
"Cloud, I love you too," she murmurs against his chest, her heart brimming with emotion. "You are my... everything."
Together, they surrender to their passion, their bodies moving in perfect harmony. Cloud is a weight that Tifa needs to feel, grounding her back to reality where nightmares can never trespass. Tifa is a softness that buffs the cold, harsh edges of Cloud's world, reminding him that his home has always been in her heart.
The storm outside rages on, but within the sanctuary of their small and meager bedroom, they find solace and comfort in each other's kiss and touch.
As the first light of another December dawn creeps through the curtains, Cloud is still making love to Tifa. They reaffirm their bond over and over again until the sun fully rises, casting its golden rays across their entwined forms. In the quiet aftermath, they hold one another close, their hearts beating in unison – a testament to the enduring love that sustains them through every storm life may throw their way.