Animator note: It twas the first day of Christmas and Hitman was loaning his gun. He thought to his self "who has be naughty this year?" And 47 quickly decided that it was MARK PINOCHET V!
Author note: Sermonize, how made the cartoon of Tahitian the Hitting, wrote that bit because someone asked for a Christmas Whitman the Hitting special on Disproof butt didn't fish it so I did.
Sow 47 called Taxi the Tony driver becomes he herd he new the Secret American Guy and got a ride to the Great Mall in San Nose, Cauliflower. One the drive he pilled out his phone and put on a video of MC Communism taking over the Georgian Palliate.
"You motherfuckers all thought I was bon up and got bored! But the bomb was actually as gourd! Amid now that I'm her Communism will be restored!" MAX Communism napped.
"One of the retirements of Parliament complied but if we do that ten he government will have to take everyone stiff and they'll hate us!"
"So what? The richest 1^ steady control the government so it's pretty much the same! Stop being lame! It is no time for MC Commission's game!"
Someone in a wheelchair was abbot to complain MC Commission's was being atheist but when he got up yell at him he raised actually MC Communist used the magic power of rap to make him walk again and everyone cheered.
The new misreport i nth video started talking abbot how no MC Communism was right next to Russia and America and cold invade them but Sheet 47 interpreted "I new the bomb I ed to kill MC Unionism didn't feel right, ad that was because it was a pumpkin bomb!:
"So what asked the Secret American Guy?"
"This isn't a comic book! You cat kill people with pumpkin bombs because their made of pumpkin!"
"Oh." Said Tony. Well jest go kill him again.
"I'd loci to but I have to buy preference for the Shadow Client. Said 47 affect he got dropped off. Maybe anther pitchman cam."
Aegean 47 watched Tony drive off. Ten he said "Not to set the trap.
"Liter the Erect American Guy found out what 57 said and called Mark Pinochet IV."
So I called the CYA and trey said tat if you kill MC Communism their give you $10 million dollars. Said the Secret American Guy. But I still think its a tarp. How do you now this inst a conspiracy by Agent 47 to kill you?
Mark Pincer scrolled with contempt, then he threw a gun at a dartboard with Afferent 47's face on it. "So bi et! I'll just make an even bigger conspiracy that 47 will fall into if he tries to fuck with me! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!"
Mark Pinochet V got on the next fight to Atlantis and started remunerating on the plane like 47 used to do. "After the Russian Resolution they changed the name of this town to Stalingrad, and then after Stalin died they made it Georgia City for a whale. It's like everyone here is scared of history. I was kinda hoping after I was done they'd Change it to Mark Town but what I have in mind well probably scar them so much they won't even use M or O or R or K in the next mane."
Aster he arrived Mark wet to a cafe and got onto a assassins Discord on his lapdog. He cot up on a conversion of someone arguing with a called guy Lucas Grey who kept calling him a fake. Eventfully the guy posted a picture of a big bong he'd stolen from the Russian Army to make Lucas Gray shut up.
"That's a nice bong. Said the Secret American Guy. Do we have an opportunity to steal it?"
So Mark started replaying to him too under a different name telling him if he was a real assassin he'd go to Atlanta and try to blow up Mark Pinochet V. Then he felt.
Mark caned into a Santa Calais suit so no one would regression him and try to blow him up. Ten he saw a Burundian Farm Merchant walking around with a huge bong so he went up to him and deepened his voice to sound like Santa. "No this is very naughty! If people like you steal all off Russia's bongs they'll have to bu them form North Korea. Did you even think about where your tax Ruby Dollars go?"
The Russian Farm Merchant got a look of indecent frustration like he was abbot to tell Santa Pinochet he didn't pay taxes. Then he got a look of embarrassed embarrassment like he just realized you shouldn't tell Santa that. "So instance he said but I had to get a bong to prove to everyone online that I'm not a liar! Isn't honesty a part of being a good boy? Look I premise I'll take it back to the bias after I'm done with it!"
I"ll take it back! Said Mark Pinochet V Go home and clean the dishes for you mom!" Then he took the bong to the Gorgon Impairment.
Outside was a weird look woman with a Russian fir hat that had Viking horns for some reason. See looked at Santa Pinochet and sad "Hallway! The Great Exploding is on us!"
Mark look at her weird and she planed "The latest pots from our secret source on 4chan sad that on e fist day of Christmas Santa wood bring to us a cartridge in a pear tree! The partridge is code for attack drones because birds don't exist and they carry bongs and the pair tree is coed for our Parliament because its bimetallic!"
Santa Mark was still confused so he asked "Wait. Why do you want me to blow up Parliament liter girl? Aren't you a member of Parliament?"
"I am butt that just a cover. In just there to expose they're part of the Global Deep State Cabbie of Werewolves who steal and eat babies and replace them with clone assassin babies! And thin when the clone assassin babies gown up and get old the kill each other so the government doesn't have to pay them they're Social Security money!"
"But werewolves aren't real. Are you sure you don't men a cabal of vampires?"
That just what they want you to think! Hey by the way are you a clone?
Mark didn't think about it and sad "Yes I'm a class five clone! How do you think Santa got ho be immortal?"
"Oh, well, I no someone who sells all natural cures that can change your clone DNA to normal ADA. Don't you want to be normal?"
Mark Pinochet got relay grumpy but since he had the sunglasses and beard on the weird lady couldn't tell. Ten he dismembered his cover and said "Actually I'm not a clone. Amway I had a gift for MC Communism but maybe you can share it with him!"
The wired lady got a little grumpy because she thought sharing was a Communist plot but said "Okay anyway."
"So Mark Wrapped The Bong With Booby Trapped Wrapping Paper And Wet Into Parliament. Everyone looked at him weird so ex planned Oh come on! Santa's basically the world best Communist because he gives presents to everyone and lives in the South Pole where the state doesn't exist anymore! That's why they let me were an all red suit!"
"That's a good point. I'm sorry I just smoked a joint." Said MC Communism as a let Mark in anyway. "So no that I have ended my contusion welcome to the revolution!"
"You've been a very good Columnist this year so I brought you a present!" Ten he gave Me Communism the bong and MC Commu8nism took to it the center of Impalement to share it with everyone so Mars Pinochet V took cover and startled trying to figure out how to make blowing up the hole parliament look like an accident.
Anyway after the wrapping paper came off the timer started and everyone as shocked. Then the TV turned on on its own and showed the Shadow Client looking calmly sinister. "Georgian Parliament, my name is Lucas George. I'm the secret Shadow Client who fucked up all of Providences operations and this is my Christmas gift to you! This never would have happened if you checked the stock market and realized Providence bot a bunch of stock in Russian and American defense industries for when you invaded. Maybe next time you'll do you're research before you set you government policy."
Den the bong went off but for some reason it didn't like anyone.
"Yeah I wasn't begin ironic when I said next time. Thee Swallow Climate continued. I knew the bong was a dud the whole time. I was just trying to prove assassins aren't cool so society stops looking up to theme. Now Mark Pinochet V looks dumb because we hasted his whole Christmas. Everything has gone accordion to my plan."
"No it didn't!" Boobed a voice out of nowhere. It was a deep voice that Mark Pinochet V just realized should have been speaking in a Russian accent butt for some reason wasn't. Then it turned out it came corm the Russian Farm Merchant when he came into he room but then he put on a suit and everyone relisted he was actually Latent 47!
$7 walked right up to the tb and looked at it grumpy like it cut out while he was checking his lottery numbers. Whale you were busy arguing on Discord I pet a chat bot on my account to distract you and hacked your DMs and I found out you relay were trying to assess the entire Georgian Parliament so you could get more assassin cred! And then I should Olivier Hall them and she dumped you and startled dating me because you couldn't standup for what you believe in!
10 47 turned around and pointed at MC Communism like he had a big button on his face that 47 could push to ruin his self esteem. "Just like you MC Communism! On our first date Olivia and I hacked your email and we found out that the reason you faked your death was to get out of paying royalties to Yekaterinburg Killa on your hit collab Gorbachev dis's track!"
So now Lucas Gary and MC Communism both looked relay embossed buy 47 dint give a shit because he still he to deal with Mark Incomplete V. "Amway this isn't even abbot you. It's about you Mark Pinochet V, because you're stupid. Actually everyone here is stupid ans I know you're all stupid because none of you read the label on the bong, because if you had read the label you wood have noticed it was actually a cherry bomb. And Cherry Bombs can't kill people because they're made of cherries. You need to add extra parts and turn them into rockets and even then you need like a whole canister of them too kill someone."
"47 looked at Mark Pinochet with his grumpy swole. Mark Pinochet, this is my Christmas revenge on you for the horrifically haughty act of touring Agent Smith. Have A Crappy New Year Too."
Mark Pinochet started right back at 47, then he laughed magically for a few seconds. "What you didn't raisin was that YOU fell for MY conspiracy 47!" "I new if I took this job you were going to do something horrible, and no you haven't jest embarrassed me, you embarrassed your foster brother, the world's best communist rapper, and he entire Gorean parliament!" "You've been absolutely horrible 47, soap now Santa's not going to get you anything for Christmas!"
Then Mark Pinochet V started mooning and flipping off and blowing raspberries at 47 until it was the second day of Christmas and he started wondering why the real Santa hadn't shown up to bitch slap 47 and steal his girlfriend. Ten he got a call form the Secret American Guy.
"Hi Mark. Said the Secret American Guy. I just saw you on TV amid I thought i should let you no that Stand Claus isn't real."
"WHAT?!" Yelled Mark like when he fond out the Easter Bunny wasn't real either.
"I probably should have told you this years ago but your like a son to me and I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Anyway it doesn't matter bacon I bought you a present anyway and you can come home and have hot chocolate and watch horror movies with the Sinister Guy."
Mark Pinochet thru his phone at his dartboard so hard it exploded. Shouted "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" (AN how many Os is this supposed to ave because spell check won't give me suggestions) really loud and like long when he found out his hair was going to be grey his whole life. And then ran away crying.
On the sixth day of New Years Mark Pinochet V was in a bar in Singapore City in the state of Singapore. He was still crying and drinking and doing drugs and beating up people and the Singapore police just turned the bar he liked to mope around in into a prison because it was easier then trying to arrest him. The jukebox kept playing Carly Simon's River on a loop even after it started reminding him of how he blue up his girlfriend. He had inverted a new cocktail called the Shitty Christmas where you take a bottle of Grenadier, use the power of depression to foment it, add some peppermint snaps and then put an umbrella on it because you keep crying into it. "He also invented a cocktail called the Agent 47 where you take a bottle of vodka, pore it pinto the trash and set it on fire because its stupid and so is Agent 47 so I wasn't matter that he kept hearing 37's voice telling him to half a crappy new year."
Bottom linen Mark Pinochet was having a really bad time. And then the preppy Providence guy showed up and sat next to him.
"I was looking for you Mark Pinochet. Hew said in a creepy smooth voice like he wanted Mark Pinochet to do make movies for him. Did you now the Daily Mail just did an article about you saying your a bad influence on youth because people on Ticktock are making videos of them using cherry bombs in school and that clones should be banned from entering the UK?"
Instance of replying Mark injected a hole bottle of vodka into himself because he was a super clone and couldn't doe of alcohol portioning. Then he fell over.
The weird Providence guy looked down on him smiling like everything was going according to plan. "This is actually a good thing. When you tried to blow up the Georgian Parchment you maxed out your notoriety. That means your a celebrity now and you can get endorsement deals."
So Mark Pinochet pulled out his phone and found out he got an email asking him to do a commercial for Remington's newest handgun.
After Mark Pinochet puked on his phone because he couldn't find the off button the unsettling Providence guy go to the point. "MY name is Auteur Edwards, butt you catcall me the Consort. How wood you like to be a spokesman for Providence?"