A/N: Cowritten with author Terreri on . Have a good Christmas y'all, next chapter is coming next year!
Mr. Thotter and the Butt Gang, whoops I mean the Harry T. Gang, whoops I mean Rip and W. go back to the Chamber of Thots. The thot army sat upon their assigned toilets.
"Oh hello Dump, whoops I mean Dumplewhore," said Mr. Thotter.
"I told you to stop calling me Dump, you bum," he scolded. "But(t) do you have all the Whorecruxes?"
"We hath returned with the toilet paper rod from Serious Black Ass's prison cell," Harry Thotter said. "And we also brought Serious Black Ass back too, lol."
"Don't you know Serious Black Ass is evil?" Dumplewhore scolded. "He did something super bad and terrible! Why do you think he was in an inescapable prison, you ninny?"
"What did he do, professor?"
"I don't know, I didn't read the books."
"Oh sorry," Thotter said. "Anyway, we have to bring all the Whorecruxes together so they can undergo their Transformation."
Rip and Whoremione unveiled the toilet paper rod from the toilet paper wrapped that they had concealed it in and placed it next to the Thot Stone and the Big Blue Bippy Brick. All three of the entities swirl in a circle like the gems did in Orion's Rare Finds in Fantage.
"And with all three entities combined we get… shoes," Harry Thotter said.
"This is the Inferior Fanny," Serious Black Ass said in awe. "It takes the form of shoes. You can wear them like Dorothy and carry them around on your big phat floor grabbers."
The Inferior Fanny flew across the room and onto Mr. Thotter's tootsies, AKA his carpet grippers AKA his wiggly doo-dads AKA his concrete slappers AKA his hound howlers AKA his swamp stompers AKA his ground prowlers. Just then, Principal McGangbang flew down the slide that led into the Chamber of Thots like Max Thunderman entering his bedroom.
"Mr. Thotter, I need to see you in my office immediately. I'll give you a free pass to the club if you know what I mean, you can go and get yourself a snack."
"I'll meet you there with Whoremione and Rip at Thot PM," Thotter said.
"Don't be tardy," Principal McGangbang said before flying back up the slide in reverse motion.
"She will tell you about the next Whorecrux, I can sense it in my ass," Serious Black Ass said. "My ass can tell the future, by the way, in small bursts. Wouldn't be the first thing to come in small bursts out my ass, though, teehee."
"Yo, Serious, that was outta pocket and TMI," said Whorry AKA Whoremione.
"Anyway, let's talk about what's happening today," Harry Thotter said from a megaphone. "The thot army, I think it's best if everyone studies from their stripper spell books so y'all master all the spells. Y'all are gonna need them for our big epic final battle against Voldewhort. If you are from House Cow Pie, study in the manure field."
"Yes, your thotliness!" all the thots from House Cow Pie said.
"Oh and As(s)hley, don't bring me another watermelon picked straight from the manure field as a gift again," Mr. Thotter said.
"Speak for yourself," Rip said. "In fact, I command all of the thots from House Cow Pie to bring me a watermelon from the manure field. With extra manure. And hold the watermelon. And drop it right in my mouth."
"If you are from House Hufflepoop, go to the shit room to study," Harry said. "At Thot PM, Rip, Whoremine, and I will be going to the principal's office. Dumplewhore, you can choose which house of thots to monitor. And Serious, you lay low here, in case the Whoremaster from Asskabang comes looking for your sweet bumcheeks."
"Sounds good, Mr. T!" they all yelped in perfect harmony.
"Welp, I better get my bumcheeks over to McGangbang's office before she has a cow (pies)."
They all pooped themselves into McGangbang's office while eating U-Know-Poo (actually canon) candy.
"I've been expecting you," McGangbang said, turning around in a big chair stroking a cat before throwing the cat off screen into a dumpster like Atticus the Merciless.
"OMG, we only have, like, 1,500 words to tell this chapter. Cut to the chase, old bag."
"Aren't you saucy," McGangbang said like the Benjamin Franklin impersonator. "I hear you have united the Inferior Fanny."
"We totes did, and I'm wearing it on my tootsies right now."
"Well, you must find the other three Whorecruxes and unite them into the Superior Fanny. Then, and only then, will the two merge into the Fat Fanny, which possesses all the power. To find the next Whorecrux, you must speak to the Thot of Fire."
"Where in the world of Rip's colon are we going to find the Thot of Fire?" Thotter questioned.
"Well, he lives in the bowels of the Taco Bell bathroom. Let's be going now, every minute we sit around on our fannies is another minute Voldewhort gets stronger," McGangbang spoke.
They poop themselves to the Taco Bell, which is very common because the gang is always eating Taco Bell.
"I know every inch of Taco Bell, there ain't no way he lives here," said Rip.
"I assure you he does," she spoke with an attitude. They walk inside and all four walk towards the only bathroom.
"Oh, there's someone in there," the employee behind the counter said. McGangbang took out her wand and pooped the guy out of the room. The man stood in the hallway with his breeches down, pooping all over the floor.
"Not anymore, teehee," McGangbang said as the four walked inside.
"This is just a normal bathroom," said Harry as Rip crawled on the floor looking for treasure. "Oh, Rip! Is your Blood Shit-gar low? I have some in my pocket for you."
"No thank you, I prefer it fresh," Rip said, diving into the bowl like an Olympic athlete doing a high dive. Rip gave them an (actual) shit eating grin.
"It is not a normal bathroom," she said as(s) she pantsed herself and revealed her butt to the scanner, and the walls opened into an elevator. They all look in amazement and walk in as(s) the elevator lowers.
"What if Voldewhort finds us here?"
"Don't worry, he can't get in, he has no ass to scan in the bathroom." she spoke. The doors then opened and they opened the door and they saw a giant hologram of Jorgen Bon Strangle sitting in a giant bucket of acid.
"Why do you seek me?"
"Oh, great Thot, King of Sluttiness, we seek your wisdom," McGangbang said. "I need you to give Harry Thotter a brain to know when to rip ass, a heart to have the power to rip ass, and the courage to rip ass as often and publicly as he needs to complete his mission and save Thotwarts."
"Bring the boy forth," the hologram said. "Why are you here, Mr. Thotter?"
"I am here because I have the Inferior Fanny on my hound howlers AKA my tootsies, I am told you know where the next Whorecrux is. You must tell us so we can save the school!"
"Response: Why don't you ask me later?" the hologram said like Robot Spongebob.
"But we have to save Thotwarts from Voldewhort's evil power!"
"I don't wanna," the hologram said.
"Wait, I smell something," Rip said. "It smells like," he continued, taking giant whiffs of the air and following the scent like a bloodhound. "Fresh poopoo!"
The Harry T. Gang followed Rip's nose like Toucan Sam and ran to a corner of the room, where there was a giant green curtain (but(t) the curtains were originally white, teehee, too much Shrek yogurt). They pulled back the curtain to reveal the Thot of Fire's true form, dressed in a taco outfit and sitting on the can.
"You must go to Whorbort's Shorborts. Here's a toilet shaped GPS that will take you right there," he said. "It's hidden in a box of Bertie Butt's Beans. And Mr. Thotter, good luck with your fight against Voldewhort. I will help you if I can. Just come knocking on my chamber door."
Rip spanked his ass twice to show his thanks as(s) they flocked to the elevator to get to the shop. They followed the way of the GPS and they were greeted with a sign that said 'Whorbort's Shorborts'. They walked in and greeted the man behind (teehee) the counter.
"Ew, it smells like shit in here," said Harry.
"Well, one man's shit is another man's sherbet," said Whorbort.
"Shit?! Hand it over!" he said while ravionously sniffin' the ground. "Ravioli ravioli, give me the shittioli."
"Well I'll be right back, I gotta go cocoa puff the bathroom," Whoremione said as she walked to the fridge and grabbed some milk and scurried to the ladies room.
"How can I help you? Welcome to my little candy store. We just got a new shipment of cow pies, meadow muffins, night soil, and BM (don't ask what it stands for, teehee)."
"We're here for Bertie Butt's Beans," Mr. Thotter announced.
"You mean… the box of Bertie Butt's Beans?"
"Yes," McGangbang said. "We know it's here. And we finna snatch it up real quick."
"You must know that the Bertie Butt's Bean Box is a Whorecrux," Whorbort said. "I can't risk giving it over to Voldewhort's phat fingies. You all must prove to me that you aren't Voldewhort."
The entire gang mooned Whorbort at once, who took a photo to send to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.
"That photo is gonna look great on my wall, teehee," Whorbort said. "Now take the Whorecrux, and don't let anyone see you."
Rip did a backwards fart, creating a vacuum suction that pulled the Bertie Butt's Bean Box right off the shelf and wedged betwixt his big meaty bumcheeks.
"Wow, I haven't seen suction that strong since I fell into that pond with the Wool Poo Poo," Thotter said.
As they ran out of Whorbort's Shortborts, they saw the Thot of Fire.
"Get in my hot air balloon," the Thot of Fire said. "I'll take you back to the Chamber of Thots, and then I promise I'll never make another reference to the Wizard of Oz again."
The Harry T. Gang hopped onto the hot air balloon.
"Where does the hot air come from?"
"Teehee," the Thot of Fire said. "They don't call me the Thot of Fire for nothing."
The hot air balloon flew all the way back to the chamber of thots.
Meanwhile, in the Booty Realm…
Voldewhort was dancing around the Booty Realm being a twerpy lil' fool when he ran into a bunch of people in gay little capes and masks. The Booty Realm is basically like the Trash Bin in The Emoji Movie, btw.
"Who are y'all supposed to be?" Voldewhort cried.
"We're the Shit Eaters," they all said in perfect harmony. Just then, 46 nuns slid down the giant stripper pole that's in the middle of the Booty Realm. "These are the nuns."
"What are y'all doing here?"
"McGangbang banished us all to the Booty Realm after we kept gobbling up all the juicy turds at Thotwarts. These nuns are here from a different fanfic, teehee."
"I have the power to take you all out of the Booty Realm," Voldewhort said. Just then, James Corder appeared at the top of the Booty Realm and let down a giant rope turd like Rapunzel.
"Climb up this big ass rope, y'all!" James Corder said as Voldewhort, the 46 nuns, and the Shit Eaters climbed up the rope. As Voldewhort and the 46 nuns climbed to safety, the rope snapped and all the Shit Eaters fell back into the Booty Realm like the trolls in The Emoji Movie.
"Oh noooooo!" they all cried.
"Shit Eaters!" the nuns cried.
"Looks like y'all are the Shit Eaters now," they said, throwing their capes up to the nuns. "Make McGangbang pay for her crimes!"
Then all the Shit Eaters disappeared like Bing Bong.
"Let's go kick some tushy," Voldewhort said as the 46 nuns and James Corder walked on the road towards Thotwarts…