11
"What do you want? I happen to be busy" Ianto said like there was not an alien on his shoulder at all.
Jack was both flummoxed by the alien and the way Ianto was looking at him. The chin tucked in, the eyes blazing and not an ounce of simpering. Actually, he seemed…combative. He seemed… predatory. Dangerous.
"Ianto… ah… there is an alien on your shoulder."
"This is Blerp. If course I know he is there, he is quite heavy for his size ya know" Ianto replied calmly "I will ask one more time, and you know my hatred of repetition… what do you want?"
"Ianto…"
"You know, I know my name. I chose it meslef ya know. Liked that one, thought it sounded… well… Welsh."
"What?"
"For the love of coffee beans… Javic… what the fuck do you want from me?" Ianto exploded with anger "This… this… has to stop."
Ianto's hand was flapping between them, his anger making the air seem to shimmer with each pass of his hand "You are fucking infuriating. You know that? Fuck. I have waited long enough… too long for you. This is not working; you are as impossible as ever and really… really… there comes a time when I have to suck it up and accept that you are a lost fucking cause, and I am just a twat with a boner for a... a... Frend with benefits."
Jack blinked slowly.
"You know… I've had enough" Ianto decided, leaning back with his hand on the door as he prepared to fling it closed again "You know what Javic Piotr Thane? Fuck you and fuck your Hero Complex too!"
Ianto slammed the door as hard as he could, finding some comfort in the splintering of wood that showed himself to be more than just a puny ape. He spun on his heel and started for the Red Door with determination now.
Fuck him.
Fuck this place.
Fuck everything.
Well, not Blerp. He was growing on him. Like a fungus.
"Yano?"
Ianto froze, his hand on the handle of the door as Jack finally said his name. The one he had been Bastardizing for a while now. Yes. There it is. Yano. Yanorish was the complete thing, but Javic always called him Yano. Why Ianto sounded… comfortable to him. The first time Jack had called him Yan his hearts had skipped for a moment as he had hoped… well. Was this finally it?
Ianto turned to face him "What did you call me?"
"What?"
"Are you fucking defective or something?" Ianto spluttered with rage.
"Yanorish." Jack finally sighed, like it was an admission of something "I… I call you Yan because you remind me of him. He was my fiend my….."
"What. Your shield?" Ianto knew that was cruel but hey… this is an all or nothing moment "Come on Javic. What was Yanorish to you?"
"My first love!" Jack finally said in a dull tone, his eyes now fixed on Ianto in a predatory way he knew well. He had finally clocked the name Ianto was using for him as well. Yan-to... Yan too. Also Yan.
"If you are going to hit me, I suggest you remember the child on my shoulder and the fact they grow to ten times their size when angered or alarmed. He WILL kill you and I do not relish putting all our pieces back together for a faster regen." Ianto folded his arms.
"Holy fuck turds" Jack said softly, taking a physical step back, then leaning forward as he squinted at Ianto like it might change thins "Yanorish? You… you've changed? Is it… how?"
"What. You can come back but I can't?" Ianto asked, now beyond tired of this "Look… I came back for you. Always for you but… you've not really changed at all. First it was Johnty that turned your head… then Theta… sorry… you call him the Doctor… now Gwen. You've not changed, and I am still not the love of your existence. Time you stop being mine."
"Yan" Jack seemed lost for words but then he started to laugh. "Fuck… I didn't know it was you… that's not the face I remember… it's been so long. You know it's been a long time, longer for me. It's been… well… at least three hundred years since we last met and… cut me a little slack. Come on! I only lusted after the Doctor because he reminded me of you. Come on… you know I am fickle. You used to tell me that all the time. "Javic, you fickle little ape' remember?"
"You ask ME if I remember?" Ianto placed a hand on his chest like he was clutching at pearls "How dare you sir. I am a fucking timelord!"
"And I am a fucking idiot. That has not changed a jot".
"Blerp" Blerp agreed, little finger pointing at Jack as the little fella decided he liked him.
"Fuck. He talks? They don't talk!" Jack focused on the little boy.
"Well, he is mine. Part Timelord now, of course he will be different to a full-blooded murdering machine" Ianto huffed "Now he is a murdering machine with a brain. And… and… part you too, I guess. Since you and I… ah… right before the bite and… well. Not much difference between you. Eats like a pig, is fickle with affection and prone to scratching his arse while staring at an object like it holds the secrets of the known Verse!"
Jack laughed, reaching out to bop the little guy on the head and the purring chirp of reply had Ianto groaning "Oh not you too. He is a cad. A common cad who will break your heart and leave you alone to die in a puddle of your own blood. You know he will. He did to me ya know."
Jack's smile faded "Hey, not fair. I begged, I pleaded, I told them anything they asked and still they…. Yan, I … I asked them to kill me instead. I did."
"And yet... three impossible things before breakfast."
"You are gonna quote Alice in Wonderland right now?" Jack blinked, then roared with mirth "Oh god…you are the white rabbit, and I am the fucking cheshire cat?"
Ianto blinked slowly and knew beyond a doubt that he loved this fucking dickhead.
And with a little chip Blerp agreed that he did too.
He wanted to be a teacup.
What?
Oh for fucksake.