The knock on the door startled me at first, then a huge lump of sadness made my stomach feel sick. I was in no mood to talk to someone, but I still had to say something. I couldn't just leave whoever was on the other side standing there, not when the reason they were there was to check on me. Despite the ache clogging my throat, I was able to push the words out.
"Who is it?'.
"It's me," a surprising voice answered. My watery brown eyes went wide. Out of everyone that could've been there, I would've never expected one of the Blight twins. "Can I come in?".
"Sure".
Emira very slowly opened my door, and silently crept in. She took a moment to look me over, her golden eyes shining in pain. Then she sat down on the sleeping bag on the floor, right next to me. Her ears flattened as a sympathetic frown rested on her face. Her voice was soft as silk.
"Amity told me she's worried about you. She says you haven't been doing too well since your illusion class on Friday".
"Is she here, too?" I questioned. Oh god, Amity couldn't see me like this. What would she think? What would she say?
"Yes. Both her and Edric are downstairs. But I think I know what's going on, and I think I can help".
"You do?". Not even Eda was able to make me feel better. What could Emira say that she couldn't.
"If you're sad for the reason I think you're sad, then it's worth a shot. You want to talk about it?".
"Well, the teacher started talking about when your illusions start screaming, that you shouldn't feel bad" I began.
"Because once they fade, there's no "them" for you to feel bad for" she murmured with an understanding nod. "I remember that lesson".
"Well, she started talking about purpose and how they had no purpose except for what we gave them and…". I stopped as my breath hitched. The pain started to sting like I was sitting through the lesson all over again.
Emira scootched towards me until our sides were touching. She placed her hand on my back, as if she were giving me a one-armed hug. The look on her face, it wasn't just her feeling bad for me. It's as if she had felt this type of pain before.
"You started to think about your purpose?". I nodded.
"I mean, I have goals, like wanting to be a witch, but that's not a purpose. If you really think about…I have…no purpose". The more I spoke the more I started choking on my words. "I mean… I haven't done…. ANYTHING important. I've just made mistakes and…. and then I do whatever I can to fix them…which…isn't enough a lot of times".
Emira was silent for a moment. She then took a deep breath in, then sighed it out. She opened her mouth but hesitated at first. When she did speak, her voice was so quiet I struggled to hear her.
"The same thing happened to me, you know. At that time, I didn't think I had a purpose. Amity was the one with a purpose. Either she was to take dads place in the company, or she was to become some hotshot coven head. And Ed and I would always be screw offs who didn't worry about all that stuff. We took pride in that. But after that lesson everything I did just felt…pointless".
It was my turn to feel bad. Is that really how both of Amity's siblings felt? Did they really feel like they would never do anything great in life? But they were so good at magic and overall cool!
I started to stammer a little as I thought of the most encouraging thing to say. Emira faintly smiled, her taking my dismay as a compliment. A tiny laugh rumbled within her. A flash of happiness revealed itself for a moment, before it sank into a bittersweet feeling.
"Save it, Luz. I'm not the one who needs the spiel. You do, remember?".
"What happened? How did you start feeling better?".
"Edric got very hurt while climbing a tree. He was trying to capture some cool bird he saw, and the dumbass slipped" Emira paused as the pain of that moment returned to her for a second. Though she was looking at me, she saw her brother lying in a heap of his hurt. "At that moment, I forgot about how useless I felt. For the past couple weeks, I'd felt like doing nothing but sleep, but now I was suddenly outside trying to keep Edric awake and alive. That's when I realized I did have a purpose".
"Your purpose was being a good sister".
"No matter how bad I felt, I would always be Edric's sister and I would always be Emira Blight. Nothing could change that I was born and that I will be who I am until I die… well and even afterwards I guess".
"So that's it? My point is to just exist". I couldn't hide the hint of disappointment in my voice.
"Your point is to be Luz. What that means is up to you".
"I'm trying to be something great" I sighed after mulling over what Emira said a little. "But what if I can't be?".
"I don't think you have anything to worry about. If you got someone as prissy as Mittens to like you, you've gotta be doing something right". Emira rose to her feet and stretched. "You need to learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. You're giving way too much attention to the things you've done wrong instead of the things you've done right".
Things I'd done right? I took Emira's advice and began to think. I WAS more than my mistakes. I was a student of Hexide despite everyone saying I couldn't be. I was the apprentice of the most powerful criminal on the isles. I was a good friend of Willow and Gus, and the family of Eda, King, and my mother. And I was the girlfriend of Amity Blight.
"Do you think Amity still wants to see me?" I asked while some of my strength returned.
"I don't think she can ever stop," Emira laughed as she offered me her hand. "But she understands that you may need some space.
"No," I said. "I'm ready to go downstairs now".
Emira's delicate smile grew stronger, as she opened the door and moved to the side to let me out first. When I stood up, a burst of pride replaced the sorrow welling in my stomach. Confidently I strode out of my room and made my way downstairs.