Chapter 7: Going Incognito

Note: Happy Holidays to all readers at the time of this original December 16, 2023 posting! I always keep my tradition of posting a new chapter as an early gift for all you readers' continued support! I also decided to switch gears from Second Generation and post a light-hearted chapter for a story that's been dormant for a while. After all, aren't the best presents surprises?

And just so there won't be any confusion, How Hedgies Have Fun in Suburbia takes place before Predator and Prey. Therefore, most of the characters introduced in that story, and those who appear in the stories taking place after it, won't appear in this fic. But on the plus side, characters who have died in the future of my OTH Expanded Universe are back now in the past—present counting this posting!

Baffling timeline talk, moving on!

Verne: "Have you seen RJ?"

Emma: "Sorry, Uncle Verne. I haven't seen him."

Verne: "It's okay. Thanks for telling me."

Verne's voice doesn't show it, but inside his frustration is mounting because this is the twentieth family member who hasn't seen the raccoon.

Verne thinking: "The one time I really need to talk to him about something important, and he's nowhere in sight. He hasn't even told most of the family where he is. Why all the secrecy? I thought he said his days of conning others are over."

Just before his tail starts to tingle, the turtle is brought out of his thoughts when he sees Mary carrying a stack of blank/all-white papers. Verne catches up to her and asks, "What are you doing with those, Mary?"

Mary: "Daddy said he might need more printing paper."

Verne: "When did he get a printer?—No, don't bother, just tell him that we're waiting on his approval to your Grandma Sarah's plan for a heist...Oh, and ask him to hurry up but don't tell him I'm the one who said that."

Mary: "Why not?"

Verne: "Because your father might take too long to get back here on purpose just to annoy me."

Mary: "But it's fun to horse around with family members."

Verne thinking: "Rats. It's already happening...Mary is becoming more like a raccoon." (Out loud) "I know it is, but do me a favor just this once."

Mary: "Well..."

Verne: "Pinky promise?" (Holds out his pinky)

Mary (smiles): "Okay!"

Verne smiles as the opossacoon sticks out her pinky for the reptile, reminding him of why he's called 'Uncle' by the younger animals in the family.

But it turns out to be a waste of time, because Mary hasn't gone five steps when RJ comes walking back with a piece of paper in his paw. After seeing Mary, he says, "It turns out I didn't need the extra paper after all But thanks for all your hard work, Mary."

Verne: "There you are."

RJ: "Hi, Verne."

Verne: "What have you been doing?"

RJ evades the question altogether and says, "Let's get the family together for a meeting."

Verne decides it's best to focus on the here and now, and asks, "About the heist Sarah planned?"

RJ walks past Verne as he says, "No. That plan has been aborted. We're gonna talk about this." He holds up the paper in his paw attached to a clipboard.

As RJ keeps walking back to the direction that will soon lead to the log, Verne doesn't follow just yet. He's gotten better at not doubting RJ's plans as much as he used to, but still can't help but feel cautioned interest as he muses, "What hijinks has he come up with this time...?"

Deciding that there's only one way to find out, Verne starts to follow RJ and Mary, unsure what to feel for the time being.

Now back at the log and with the family in a circle, RJ hands the paper to Verne and says, "Read it and weep."

Verne reads the paper out loud and is absolutely baffled by what's on it when he's finished. But, anticipating a disapproving remark, RJ speaks before Verne can do so.

Note: the rest of the chapter from here on out is based on the Over the Hedge comic strips dated April 18-23 & 25-30, 2016; August 8-12, 2016; April 12-14, & 16-21, 2018; August 5-10, 2019; and November 3-7, 2020. I don't have them noted by the sections they appear because I mixed the comic strip days up too much for my chapter here for that to make sense.

RJ: "It's foolproof."

Verne: "Says the fool."

RJ puts his right arm around Verne's shoulder, casually walks with Verne, while his left paw makes gestures appropriate for the words he speaks.

RJ: "Don't you get it? We don't need to raid food from humans' houses anymore...We just walk right in as invited guests."

Lou: "So that's what 'AIRBNB' alludes to?"

RJ: "That'd be 'Animals Invited Regularly to Bed N' Breakfast."

Verne: "How can you reserve a house on AIRBNB without money or a credit card?"

Suddenly, small, thin, yet sturdy objects start raining down from the sky accompanied with the noise of helicopters that buzz overhead. The objects quickly cover the ground around the family and create two large piles.

RJ: "I take it you missed the last heli-drop?"

The objects the choppers dropped off are none other than credit cards, and after emerging from underneath a pile of them, Hammy holds one out with his paw and exclaims, "I like the shiny ones!"

Velma: "Why do we even need to trick humans into turning their homes into an AIRBNB? We have everything we need to survive on our own already."

Plushie: "Think about Winter time, Aunt Velma and Uncle Verne. Us three cold-blooded reptiles barely make it through without a lot of bundling up in blankets and sweaters. But all that bundling up makes us too hot, so we shed some layers of warm clothes, then we get too cold, put some more layers on, then get too hot again, and the cycle repeats! But if we had a heated shelter, we'd be comfortable all Winter long, without the need for the vicious 'Bundle-on/Bundle-off cycle.' "

Luby: "If that's the case, we can just hunker down in a lawnmower shed."

Bucky (hunches over and points at Luby): "No! That would be a trap! We go to sleep then...BOOM! I.C.E. sweeps in and deports us!"

Luby: "Where to?"

Bucky gets on his tip toes so he can put both paws on Luby's shoulders, gets his wide-eyed face close to hers and panickily shouts, "THE WILD!" while shaking her.

Hammy shivers in fear while holding a blanket and says, "No outlets, Luby!"

He nervously bites down on his blanket which turns out to be an electric blanket. A perfect source of snuggly comfort rendered useless without the modern miracles of electricity!

Lou: "First off, son, how bored are you that you actually looked into what the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement is and does? Secondly, I.C.E. is too busy handling human immigrants to deport animals like us."

Emily: "I think my boyfriend has a point, Mr. Lou. We're suburban illegals! Humans in the Elysian Fields Estates have been blocking us out for years!" (Holds up both arms at a slightly forward angle in order to gesture at what she verbally references) "They even built a wall!"

Verne: "You mean the hedge? And why are you joining Bucky in on his craziness? We go through it every day."

And then, Emily says something that shakes the very foundation of the hedgies' lives.

Emily (leans slightly forward, places an arm around Verne, and points her free paw at his chest): "We go through it, but never over it. Don't you find that...strange?"

Hammy (wails with his head pointing toward the sky): "Our lives are built on LIES!"

RJ: "Which is why we're not going to a lawnmower shed; we're going into a human house. Now stop with the existential crisis and get ready to check off our list of things when have to do in order to get into the house.

"Payments?"

Bucky: "Check."

RJ: "Signed waivers?"

Ozzie: "Check."

RJ: "Agreement forms?"

Verne: "Don't you mean, forged agreement forms?" (sigh) "Check."

RJ: "Ex—cel—lente! All that's left is to pick up the house key."

Rebecca: "What happens when we show up at the home and the people there notice we're animals?"

RJ: "Oh, Becca, I see you have much to learn about the concept of human ignorance. We've got nothing to worry about because humans see only what they want to see."

RJ looks up to gaze upon the beautiful sight of weeks' worth of meticulously selecting and looting clothes, hats, earrings, sunglasses, and shoes.

When Heather looks at it, she says, "So you're saying they, like, want to see a circus clown act in which the clowns are various animals that all fit compactly in a blow-up sumo wrestler suit?"

Hammy nods yes and ecstatically shouts, "Chop suey!" His words get the rest of the animals to man their positions.

Because what Heather just described is indeed what the animals are in, stacked above each other by holding onto a mannequin wireframe as the "skeleton." Lou and Penny are in the feet, their sons are in the right leg; Emily, Rachel, and Emma are in the left leg, Annette and Ozzie are the hips, Luby, Rick, Roger, Ty, Rogan, Sarah, RJ, and Rebecca are the torso; Mary Bernard, and Heather are the right arm; Verne, Velma, and Plushie are the left arm; Stella is the right hand, Tiger is the left hand, De'Ausha is the neck; and Simon, Celine, Marilyn, Christine, and Claire are the shoulders.

To the ignorant human eye, the "person" appears to be wearing everything needed to wade through a monsoon. The shoes are black rainboots, the waterproof pants are green, the trench coat is blue, the sunglasses are yellow-rimmed and green-lensed, and the rain hat is classic yellow.

Sarah: "What'll we do when we have to talk to the humans?"

RJ: "No need to worry about that, mom. We have Siri."

The animals let out a collective "Ohhhhh" as RJ holds up his cell phone. He then opens the appropriate app and says, "Siri, we're sneaking into an AIRBNB and need your help..."

Verne: "Are you sure Siri is designed to handle that kind of absurd—?"

Siri: "Neato. I'll pretend to be a Soviet double agent."

RJ: "Why not? Alright gang," (points) "onward!"

As the family moves, Quillo remarks, "As I like to say, good digital assistants go to heaven. Bad digital assistants go everywhere else."

Siri: "Da, comrade!"

The animals ring the front doorbell of the target house and overhear the male homeowner say to his family inside, "That's her!"

He opens the door moments later, revealing himself to be a middle-aged Hispanic man wearing a white button-down collar shirt and khaki dress pants. But true to RJ's statement of seeing only what he wants to see, the man glances at the person on his front porch briefly before turning his focus back onto his cell phone.

Homeowner: "Ah, you must be our AIRBNB guest."

The "guest" nods her head and sticks out her hand holding a cell phone.

Siri: "Da! I'm Natasha Bowlinski, here to stay at your humble dacha."

Homeowner: "Well, come on in! My name's Mr. Diaz."

Not taking a notice of "Natasha's" awkward and jittery movements, the homeowner steps aside to let her pass into the front door, then closes the door once she's inside.

Mr. Diaz: "Interesting accent you have there. What part of Eastern Europe are you from?"

"Natasha" via Siri: "Volgograd, by way of Cupertino."

Mr. Diaz: "How exotic! You can take off your coat and hat if you want to."

"Natasha" via Siri: "Nyet. I have xeroderma pigmentosum, a rare skin condition that causes my skin to be extremely sensitive to sunlight. I must take extreme measures to protect my skin from ultraviolet (UV) light."

Mr. Diaz: "I'm sorry to hear that. (Walks into the living room ahead of "Natasha") "Let me show you around..."

"Natasha" via Siri: "First, if you please, would like the refrigerator to see."

Hammy: "And your nuts in the pantry!"

Rick: "Shush!"

Even though Hammy talked loud enough for a squirrel-sounding chitter to be clearly heard by the homeowner, the man thankfully isn't paying any attention, as his mind is on other things. He introduces his family—a wife and four kids (three sons and one daughter)—who each help in showing where rooms and supplies are to the guest. Three-fourths through the tour, the wife and kids inform their husband and father that they will go to the car and wait for him while he finishes up the tour.

Five minutes later, having given "Natasha" a full tour, the homeowner walks to the front door with his key ring and says, "So there you have it. We'll be on vacation all weekend long starting as soon as I fire up the car, and be back Monday around noon. Our number is written on the kitchen counter for emergencies, and I trust you will take the best care of my house. There should be enough food to last all three days, but if you need more call the neighbor's number that's on a sticky note in the kitchen. I'll call you once a day at around 4:30PM to check on how things are going."

Mr. Diaz exits through the front door but turns to face "Natasha" who is on the Welcome mat. He addresses his guest with a serious expression, "I must warn you, Natasha, there are some very clever animals in the woods bordering my backyard hedge. They might try to break in and steal food, furniture, electronics, you name it. It's strange, but, *sigh* sometimes I think those animals have got it made."

"Natasha" tilts her head and goes "Hm?" in question, prompting the homeowner to exposit, "They've got no jobs...no mortgages...no bills...no stress...Anyway," He tosses the keys into Natasha's outstretched hand. "Here's the keys. The upstairs toilet leaks, the AC is on it's last legs, and the cable bill hasn't been paid in over two months, so expect a visit from the cable man. Hopefully he'll wait to try and repossess the cable when I have come back, but don't get your hopes up."

RJ gulps and thinks, "Maybe I haven't thought this through well enough..."

But he puts those worries on hold when someone makes "Natasha" respond to the homeowner with a kind, "Thank you, and das vadanya."

The car leaves and the animals head back inside. The house is two stories. The first floor has a living room, study, two restrooms, kitchen, and master bedroom. The second floor has four bedrooms—each with their own restroom—a rec room, and a sunroom connected to a balcony. The backyard also has a swimming pool.

And it's all ripe for the picking.

Still in the "Natasha" disguise, RJ gets out his phone again.

RJ: "Thanks Miss Siri...The humans have left the house to us."

Siri: "...Yep! We're in!"

At last, the family of various animals gets out of the disguise and lets their fur or scales take in the open air.

Emily: "Finally! It was starting to feel like a sauna."

RJ: "Would you care to do the honors, Verne?"

RJ holds out his phone as if presenting an award to the turtle. Verne gladly takes the phone in his hand and smiles at how RJ still gives him the recognition and respect he deserves as the co-leader of the family.

Verne: "Okay, Siri...You can shut dow—"

Siri: "PAAAARTY TIME! Starting with root beer pong in the rumpus room!"

All the animals except Verne scream, "Yay!" and run in the direction of the room. Before joining them, Verne looks down at the phone and asks a question.

Verne: "You don't get out much, do you Siri?"

The living room. A few hours later.

Verne: "I gotta say I'm pretty impressed at how the humans let us AIRBNB their house so easily, RJ!"

RJ: "Heh! Those suckers will be so surprised when they finally figure out they've been had that they'll choke on their own trust. Of, course we'll be long gone by then."

Verne: "So in the meantime, we simply abuse their trust, right?"

RJ: "Abuse...? Pah-leeese, Verne. We're not that low. We're even lower! We nuke their trust."

RJ grabs Verne and pulls him out of the way just as Hammy runs by screaming "EEEEEEEK!" with a big smile on his face. A few inches behind him is a runaway vacuum cleaner—a vacuum cleaner that the porcupine teens have "souped-up" after finding its speed inadequate. The cleaning device can now go 30 mph! Stella holds onto the handle by her paws alone, screaming "Wahooo!", Mary and Bernard cling to the back of Heather who is clinging on the dust bag, and Rick is on the nozzle with arms and body posed in a way that makes him look like a surfer.

The animals riding the vacuum hit a foot stool which hurtles them through the air and they land on a large beanbag on the floor. They cheer and revel in delight.

Mary and Bernard in unison: "Let's do that again!"

Ty: "Not after we get a turn."

Waiting for the next ride are Tyler, Roger, the bats, De'Ausha, and Plushie. Mary and Bernard sigh and say in unison again, "Okay."

Heather: "Chin up, kids. It's important to share in a large family."

Roger: "I hope you're listening, little brother, you could learn a lot about sharing."

Ty (angry and rhetorical): "You just find every opportunity to diss me out, don't ya?!"

De'Ausha: "Don't start that, heah you two. Just get on the vacuum and have fun."

Marilyn: "Don't forget to tell my family when to let go."

Roger and Ty in unison: "Okay."

The former riders put the vacuum upright and the next riders get on it. Then the fun begins anew!

Once every family member has had a turn, RJ announces, "Alright. Break for ten! But those who have been assigned activity-setup tasks need to head to the master bedroom to get the next thing set up."

The family nods and heads their ways. Verne walks around the house to check on each family member. He isn't talking to them with concerns about safety or being found out by humans because, as one of the animals in the woods who serves as a doctor told him, he needs to relax and not stress out. As long as his family is happy, he should be happy too—and he is.

He intentionally saves the place where RJ is for last, and with two minutes before the next family-fun activity begins, he heads into the master bedroom. RJ is supervising from the doorway, which makes things perfect for Verne who taps the raccoon on the shoulder to make RJ turn and face him.

Verne: "I just wanted to congratulate you on another job well done, RJ. This is turning out to be a really fun family outing."

RJ (smirks): "That's what I say about all my ideas, and yet you always act so surprised."

Verne (frown while he sighs but smiles when he talks): "Yes, you were right. Again. But how often do you plan to do an escapade like this?"

RJ: "Sadly, not very often. Like that homeowner mentioned, the humans are starting to catch onto us. We're not going to risk everyone's safety just for another shot at fun inside human homes when all we really need is to stay in the woods that're protected by state law."

Verne: "I was hoping you'd realize that. Just checking to make sure."

RJ: "And no matter what happens, sneaking into this house presents a teachable moment, Verne...Humans must become aware of their impact on this planet's fellow creatures, or perish in a tsunami of excess. Or in this case, Mount Excess-more."

By now the setup crew has finished. Stacked high on the floor and going up two feet short of the ceiling are storage boxes, a TV, a blender, food packages, two liter of soda, boom box, satellite dish, recliner chair, and a plug-in fan.

Verne returns some of the snark RJ had given him before when the turtle says, "If you're feeling that way about it, you might as well burn down the house. It would be easier."

RJ (responds to Verne's tone with one of feigned surprise): "Where's the style in that?"

They look up and see Hammy wearing a squirrel sized swimsuit—that no one questions why such as thing would exist—with both arms in the air and shouting, "Surf's up!" He proceeds to ride down Mount Excess-more on top of a doll iron board.

Then Roger, who just reached the very top of Mount Excess-more, spread his arms out wide and tilt his head back while shouting, "I'm the king of the wooooorrrrrld!"

Ty shows up behind his twin brother and says, "King of the world? How about King of the Hill?!"

Ty pushes Roger to the ground, and then Mount Excess-more becomes a war zone of all the kids (plus Hammy) climbing on top and pushing each other down in an effort to be the last one standing on the top.

Mary pushes Ty off, then she gets pushed off by Quillo. But just before he can even taste his victory, Mary wraps her prehensile tail around his ankle while saying in defiance, "I will not go alone!" and drags him along with her.

Quillo rushes to get to the top and loses his footing. He topples backwards and is about to hit Emma's front with his quills until she turns around so that his quills run into her own. This saves her from injury, but unfortunately sticks themselves together and they each go rolling down; losing the game before they had a chance to start it.

Tiger takes Stella by the shoulder and leads her away from the group who is too focused on the game to notice them exit.

Tiger: "Watching the kids have all this fun makes me think we need to work more on our core..."

Stella: "Exercises?"

Tiger: "Allah no! Core values! Like stalking, stealing, and—snacking!"

Now in the kitchen, he opens a refrigerator. Stella grins and follows him inside. Secluded, they close the door and start munching down on food.

Back in the master bedroom, Hammy zooms back to the top with ease, but Spike distracts him by saying, "Look out behind you!" Hammy turns and realizes too late that nothing is there, giving Spike the time he needs to grab Hammy by the tail and lift up the much smaller rodent with ease.

Bernard comes to Hammy's rescue by hitting Spike's paw with his prehensile tail like a whip crack as the opossacoon says, "Release him!"

Sadly, when Spike does—saying, "Sure thing," as matter-of-factly as possible—Hammy falls off Mount Excess-more. Bernard locks eyes with Spike and uses his tail like a whip again—only for the tip to be expertly caught by the porcupine who gloats, "That trick won't work twice!"

Plushie: "How about this?!"

He does a butt-missile—or in this case, shell-missile—into Spike's spikes that knocks both mammals off the top, while the reptile's shell keeps Plushie safe from harm. The instant he gets to the top, he is pounced by De'Ausha whose cat-inherited speed and reflexes lands her on top of his head. Standing on all four paws, she puts her weight to one side which off-balances Plushie while she wraps her tail around his eyes so he loses his sense of direction. The confusion works, and makes Plushie fall to the ground.

De'Ausha senses Emily coming from behind and aims her raised tail to dissuade her from trying to dethrone her. But she isn't expecting an alliance, because Bucky comes at her from the front, grabs her forepaws, and pulls her off her perch.

He and Emily both reach the top and shake paws—whereby he yanks her forward while he steps aside and lets her fall down. She cries out, "TRAITOR!"

Bucky smiles and says, "There can only be one King of the Hill. And it's—"

Suddenly, his feet are yanked back and he falls forward and goes down the pile of human items. The culprit is none other than Rachel who says, "That was for my sister, you rotten back-stabber!" With no one else on Mount Excess-more, Rachel stands tall and proudly claims, "I'm Queen of the World!"

Just as she is wondering why no one applauds, six tiny feet grab hold of her head, hover her off of the top of Mount Excess-more, and then let go. The true victors end up being Marilyn, Christine, and Claire who land on top of the mountain and dance together by holding their finger/claws as if playing ring around the rosie.

They exclaim, "Sisters are doin' it for themselves!" and just before someone objects, they quickly add, "And we won't betray each other. This victory belongs to three!"

Marilyn: "Me!"

Christine: "Myself!"

Claire: "And I!"

RJ: "Then the game is over! Great job girls!"

The onlookers and those defeated clap and whistle, which prompts the bat triplets bow. They then fly back to the ground whereby their stomachs grumble.

Christine: "Yeesh, what time is it? Is it past lunch?"

Cell phone users pull out their phones and claim, "Yes. It's 12:40," in unison.

Verne: "Lunch break!"

As the family makes their way into the kitchen they cannot hear Stella and Tiger's dialogue through the insulated refrigerator.

Tiger: "We could spend the rest of the Summer in here, my love."

Stella: "As long as we're not interrupted."

As soon as she finishes, the hedgies in the mood for cold food open the refrigerator and they, along with the cat and skunk shout, "AHHHHHH!" in surprise.

Annette: "What are you two doing in there?"

Tiger: "The nerve!"

Stella: "Doesn't anyone knock anymore!"

Tiger sighs and then says, "Oh well, we were bound to be discovered. Come on and join us!"

Ozzie pulls out a pan of easy-made lasagna but is perplexed about the color. He asks, "Why is this green?"

Annette, who has become quite fond of Ozzie—and vice versa—for being the only widowed and widower in the family, answers with, "That's kale. It's a vegetable lasagna."

Ozzie: "Mother of Cordelia! Why would anyone ruin perfectly good lasagna with vegetables?"

Annette: "Clearly to annoy you, as you are the center of all creation and only you matter."

Ozzie: "Sarcasm noted."

Annette: "And I thought I was being subtle."

Both smile and chuckle at their obvious fooling around with each other. But one hedgie either takes their words too seriously, or not serious enough.

Rogan: "You two have a point. *Sigh* Before all this fat-free, sugar-free—just, fun-free—food, humans had stuff you could really sink your remaining teeth into!"

Rebecca: "Have you any idea how old you're making yourself sound, dad?"

Sarah speaks her mate's language, if only to avoid an ensuing father-daughter argument, by pointing at a shelf and saying, "The cake frosting is over there, Rogan."

After getting it, Rogan still acts like a cranky old man when he glares at Sarah and says, "But without the partially hydrogenated dodo oil, it's just not the same!"

Sarah: "I see...It was quite inconsiderate of those dodos to go extinct."

Rogan shakes his head side to side in shame while saying, "So selfish" After eating a mouthful of cake frosting. He goes back into the fridge. "And it's not just limited to sugary foods." He pulls out another food and describes it, "See this leftover pizza? It's got black rings of death on it!"

Sarah gives Rogan an "are you kidding? look and says in a monotone voice, "Those are olives..."

Rogan: "And poisoned pointy leaves!"

Sarah sighs and says, "Spinach..." in the same monotone voice.

Rogan: "And an utterly lack of candy corn!"

Sarah: "Picky, picky..."

Rebecca (pulls out her cell phone): "I'll post an alert to the Michelin Guide."

Others who have listened to the conversation now offer their own insights.

Penny: "Just face it, Rogan. It's boring but true...Humans are eating healthier."

Rogan: "At my expense!"

Simon: "I'm sure if you made your needs heard, they'd be happy to oblige."

Celine: "Just make sure to do it as 'Natasha.' "

Rogan sticks his pointer finger in the air and says, "Yes! Brilliant! A shopping list!"

He remembers the homeowner telling "Natasha" to ask the neighbors for emergency groceries and gave them said neighbors' number. He mimes for Rebecca to hand him the phone and gets to texting when she does. When he sends the list, he waits twenty minutes for the neighbor's husband to return to drop off the items Rogan requested. When the neighbor goes to his home and shows his control-freak wife the receipt, the animals overhear her yelling.

Wife: "379 cartons of Twinkies?!"

Husband: "B-but honey...It was on the list..."

Rogan gives a smile and nod of satisfaction and says, "Husbands...Our most reliable natural resource."

With that first-world animal problem solved, everyone now eats to their hearts' content.

That's when Velma ponders about how happy their family is right now. All the heists, the adventures (and misadventures), and even close calls have forged strong bonds that have brought their family closer than ever. But they haven't forged the same bonds with some of their new friends they have made since coming to the woods by the Elysian Fields Estates.

Velma: "Hey, I just realized something. We are having fun, but life is all about sharing your experiences with others; both in and outside your family. This house is more than big enough to hold our family, and some of our new friends. Why should we have all the fun?"

Everyone's faces brighten up and all heads turn to Verne and RJ.

RJ: "Now that we're in charge of the house, we can let in anyone we choose."

Verne gets out a phone and does a video call to multiple animal families they have met who also have phones. When all those on the other lines are visible on the video split screen, Verne says, "Hello, all. The Diaz's are gone for the Holiday weekend and we're free to do what we want. You know what that means?"

A plethora of paws and a few wings raise up as the animals say, "Shotgun!"

The Diaz house living room, 10 minutes later.

A rabbit named Phil and his family takes up every square inch of the footstool on a recliner chair. In the seat part of the chair area are RJ, Larry the mouse, a mole named Milton, a groundhog named Gianna, Hammy, and a blue jay named Irwin. A cardinal named Rojas sits perched on the headrest area. The only animal from the original group since a certain question was asked is Verne who, being a slow turtle, wasn't able to reach the chair before it got too crowded. He had asked if they could make room, but there truly was no more room. Instead, Verne sits on the floor looking up at the TV like the unlucky person who is forced to sit on the very first row at a movie theater, and feeling like it too. To add to his melancholy, the rabbits have some popcorn and so does RJ in addition to a drink. But Verne is happy as long as his family and friends are happy; however, they are all facing a major crisis.

Phil: "There are five remotes, which one turns on Netflix?"

Larry: "You gotta turn on the receiver first."

Gianna: "No! The satellite box."

Irwin: "Where IS the remote?!"

Rojas (looking down from where she's perched): "You're sitting on one of them!"

Irwin: "Which one?"

RJ: "Let's see..." (Picks up the remote) "The Blu-ray DVD player. We need to keep looking..."

Knowing humans' affinity to have too much for their own good—even when it comes to a single TV set—will keep the animals busy for a while, Verne gets up. RJ notices this and asks, "Where are you going, Verne-o?"

Verne: "There's a lot more things to explore in this house besides Netflix, and I'm going to spend time with Plushie while doing so."

RJ gives a thumbs-up and Verne goes into the hallway past the living room where he sees Plushie and a family of one of his turtle and armadillo friends curled in their shells and being used as shuffleboard discs by Rogan and Sarah on one side and Stella and Tiger on the other. Rather than use sand, the animals had spread hardwood floor polish on the floor to make it slick. The turtle friend is a girl named Eliza and her parents are Tim and Nancy. The armadillo friend is a boy named Anthony whose family consists of his parents Danny and Susan, and older sister Kiara.

Verne: "Oh, hi everyone. I was wondering if Plushie would be interested in spending some time with me."

Plushie: "Just let us finish this round, Uncle Verne."

Verne: "Very well."

Verne rests his back on the wall and watches. So far, Rogan and Sarah are in the lead, with more of their turtles and one armadillo closer to Rogan and Sarah's end than the other way around. Rogan and Sarah have run out of turtles to shuffle forward, but have also partially blocked their end by having three armadillos get in the way of Stella and Tiger's path. Tiger aims carefully with Plushie, his last shot, and pushes him forward. Plushie's shell hits one of Rogan's and Sarah's highest-scoring turtles, leading for her to slide into one of the turtles in the middle, which causes the latter to fly down to Rogan and Sarah's end—and stop just in time to get the highest score and win the game!

Rogan: "Aw, man! All our hard work only made it worse for ourselves..."

Tiger: "Ha-ha! Victory for my kingdom!"

Sarah: "Good game, you two."

Stella: "Thanks Sarah."

Eliza's father, Tim, flips himself back on his feet and says, "Time for us to head home, Eliza. We need to get you ready for your friend Alfred's birthday party."

Eliza: "Okay daddy."

Anthony's mother, Susan, also tells her son, "We need to head back too, Anthony. You're cousins are visiting tomorrow and we need to tidy things up."

Anthony: "Yes mom."

Eliza: "But thanks for all the fun, Plushie!"

Anthony: "Yeah, totally! We should hang out more often,"

Plushie: "Count on it! Whenever us three are together we have fun to the extreme!"

Anthony: "I guess we can call ourselves 'Extremes,' eh?"

Eliza: "It's got a nice ring to it...Okay, bye!"

Plushie: "See ya Eliza! You too Anthony!"

Anthony: "Bye!"

Once the turtles and armadillos have left the house, Plushie walks toward Verne, and the two then walk together as Plushie asks a rhetorical question.

Plushie: "Who says turtles can't get on the wild side? Right, Uncle?"

Verne: "You sure know how to use your shell for interesting recreational activities, Plushie. But how's about we go exploring some of the rooms we haven't been in yet?"

Plushie: "Sounds good to me. Which one?" (face brightens up with excitement) "The second floor patio? The pool toy storage shed? The tool room?"

Verne (stops in front of a door): "No, the sewing room!"

Plushie's face instantly loses its bright eagerness. His tone reflects this change when he asks, "Sewing...? What's so fun about that?"

Verne (while climbing onto a desk with the sewing machine at the top): "You may not think much of it on the surface, but has it ever crossed your mind how amazing it is for a device to create clothes out of nothing but yarn? It's like a miracle or even magic! Think of how amazing it has to be for something like a lightbulb to generate light. It's the things we take for granted, the things we treat like routine, that are the most interesting."

Plushie: "Well, I guess you have a point. But I just don't see why you're so whimsical about it."

Verne (grins): "Then let me show you what I mean, Plushie."

As Verne switches the sewing machine on, he fails to notice the loop of yarn that's close to his tail. The machine causes the loop to tighten around it, and that's when the things get really interesting.

It happens so fast that Plushie's eyes can't even keep up with what's going on. Only his ears can pick it up, and what they hear is: Ka-Chunk! Chucka-chucka-chucka! "Oof!" and finally, "Yahhhhhh!"

When Verne goes back onto the ground, a purple bow is on his head, and the bow's ribbon is haphazardly wrapped around his body and stitched onto him with buttons.

Verne (dull voice): "Stay out of the sewing room…"

Plushie (giggles): "You look like Aunt Velma!"

Second floor restroom...10 minutes after undoing the bow and ribbon

Verne: "Now that that embarrassing moment is over with, let me show you another wondrous invention that seems mundane to the un-philosophical eye."

Plushie: "I already know what a toilet is, Uncle Verne, and what it's used for—" (looks closer) "Wait, it's a smart-toilet!"

Verne: "A what?"

Plushie: "It detects when to flush. I've always wanted to see how these work!"

Verne: "Just be careful."

Plushie: "Don't worry, I will."

After climbing onto the toilet seat, Plushie sits down and says, "Not bad...Warm air, and warm water...Come and see, Uncle Verne."

Verne: "Alright."

Plushie gets down to make room for Verne who is also amazed at how humans can make practically anything high-tech.

Verne: "Wow...You're not kidding! This is absolutely—"

Toilet speaker: "Turn your head and cough..."

Verne: "Wha—?"

There is a loud Click!, and then a geyser of water launches Verne airborne while he screams "AHHHHHH!"

He lands into the wooden-woven basket beside the toilet. When he tips it over so that he can come out, he has a roll of toilet paper on his head, a loofa stuck in his shell (behind his back) that's facing upright, and loose toilet paper pieces dragging on his feet.

Verne (dull voice): Don't go in the bathroom either..."

That doesn't stop Plushie from laughing so hard it sounds like he'll have an asthma attack.

The laundry room...Three minutes after Verne cleaned himself up.

Verne and Plushie enter the room which has a standard front-load washing machine.

Verne (walks ahead of Plushie and in a voice of full confidence): "There's no way I can possibly get into any hijinks in here." (Normal voice tone) "So, Plushie, laundry machines are how humans clean their clothes—" (Stops his lecture when he notices something very off) "Will ya look at that, someone left a sock in the washer door...Lazy humans. Wait here, Plushie" (while walking over to the washer) "this'll only take a second to—"

Just as Verne puts the sock fully into the washer, he slips, falls forward, and the door closes with him inside. It's immediately followed by a chiming Beep!

And then began the Ka-Shlooka! Shlooka!Schlooka!Schlooka!Schlooka!Schlooka!Schlooka!

Suddenly, the washer goes haywire. It shakes wildly while water pressure keeps building up, reaching dangerously high levels. This lasts for 20 seconds when, for some reason, the washer launches out of the house, crashing through the roof with a Kra-BASH!, and shoots straight up into the sky for 40 feet. After that, it falls back down and lands in its original spot inside the house, the impact ripping the door open as clothes fly everywhere.

Completely worn out from the crazy ride, Verne from head to waist is laying halfway out, while the rest of him is halfway in the washer door. He looks like a rag doll with his arms and head dangling down. Plushie decides not to laugh for his unfortunate Uncle's sake, but still wants to lighten the situation to put Verne in a better mood.

Plushie: "I guess it was an unbalanced load...?"

Verne (dull and groggy voice): "The laundry room is off-limits too..."

The living room...30 minutes after a crash-nap.

Having sent Plushie to spend more time with his friends and other family members, Verne plans to spend the rest of the day, hijinks-free. The living room is mostly vacant, with the animals that were in it before having gone to the pool or a different room. Verne needs some good 'ol peace and quiet, and figures behind the couch (which borders a wall) is the best place.

Verne thinking: "I'll just sit here quietly and mind my own business..."

He slides down slowly, enjoying the silence. He's almost fully seated when he hears a Whirrrrr... off to the side. He turns his head and discovers—"

Verne: "A Roomba?"

The automatic vacuum cleaner slowly turns its blue-lighted omnidirectional infrared/IR receiver toward the turtle. When it stops, it's like the machine is staring right into Verne's soul. This causes the turtle to gulp. The next thing he knows, there's a loud SHLOOOOOP!-POP!

Phil the rabbit is making his way to the pantry to get a snack, when he comes across Verne.

Phil: "Golly! What in blazes happened to you?!"

With his entire body from the waist-up stuck up the Roomba's dirt collection bay, Verne walks past Phil while saying, "I'll be back in the woods. Fewer conveniences."

Everyone else is having too much fun to notice Verne yank the Roomba off his head, make his way back through the hedge, and find a small log which he sits on. Everyone except one.

Hammy had noticed the fed-up look on Verne's face and carefully followed the reptile back into the woods. Since Verne was so focused on being alone and in peace, he also failed to notice Hammy, not even the squirrel's scent. All Verne wants to do is be alone and in silence, to enjoy some Verne-time. To do this, he takes some deeps breaths and closes his eyes. Then breathes normally while keeping his eyes closed while the sounds of Nature fill his ears.

Verne's back is to Hammy, who is in a tree and slowly climbs down face-first. When on the ground, Hammy sneaks his way up to Verne and enters the small log. Verne now hears and smells Hammy, and opens his eyes halfway just as the squirrel pokes his head out of one end of the little log, giving a big, smile that leaves his two buckteeth hanging out.

The rodent's and reptile's eyes meet, but only briefly since Verne closes his eyes and tries to ignore Hammy. Hammy then pops his head back in the small log and then comes fully out the other end. He lays on his belly and props both elbows next to where Verne is sitting, still giving the big smile.

Verne looks at Hammy and says, "Do you mind? I've had a stressful day, and you're in my space."

A loud FWOOP!, and now Hammy is inside Verne's shell on the turtle's right.

The squirrel says, "We're in our space!" as Verne stares at Hammy with wide eyes.

Verne gives Hammy an agitated look and says, "What. Are. You...doing?"

Hammy: "Sharing our space!"

Verne: "This is my space."

Hammy: "This is oouur space!"

Verne: "Hammy, there's such a thing as boundaries. Invisible lines of demarcation around my personal space that you do not cross."

Hammy: "If they're invisible, how do I know when I've crossed them?"

Needing a different approach to make Hammy leave, Verne decides to tell Hammy the consequences that will happen if he remains in his shell.

Verne: "You best leave, Hammy. I get all flop sweaty and irritated."

Hammy: "When aren't you all flop sweaty and irritated?"

Verne stares wide-eyed as he enters deep thought. Verne wears a look of dread of his face as he asks the dreaded question, "You're never leaving, are you?"

Hammy: "When we're having so much fun!? No way!"

Verne gives Hammy another agitated look as he rhetorically asks, "So we're just going to share this shell for the rest of eternity?"

Hammy (leans into Verne): "Why not?"

Verne: "It's too small. It's uncomfortable. There's no place to put your tail—"

Hammy quickly proves the latter point wrong when he raises his tail and places it on Verne's bald head to give him the look of the celebrity that Hammy names. "Look! You're Elvis!"

Verne groans, "Please go away."

Just then, RJ comes walking toward the two and says, "I noticed you both were nowhere to be found and followed your scents here to make sure—" After noticing the curious situation the two are currently in, RJ asks, "What's going on here?"

Verne side-glares at Hammy while saying, "Hammy is in my personal space and won't leave."

RJ: "Hammy, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Hammy: "He started it!"

Verne: "Hey! I was just sitting here, minding my own business...!"

Hammy gives a wide-eyed look of a tattle-tell and points his thumb at Verne while saying, "See? He was keeping all his business for himself!"

Verne gives another wide-eyed side stare of shock and says, "What?!"

RJ: "Sharing is caring, Verne."

Hammy: "Caring Verne!"

Verne sighs at how RJ is intentionally taking Hammy's side just to annoy the turtle—again. Which causes Verne to sigh.

RJ: "Carry on. I gotta get back to Heather and our kids."

RJ then heads back through the hedge.

Having finished his sigh, Verne talks in a tone of acceptance, "I guess I can get used to living with a squirrel crammed in my shell...I've gotten used to worse."

Hammy leans in curiously and asks, "Worse?"

Verne: "You're not the first to share my space..."

Hammy: "I'm not?"

Suddenly, Hammy notices a large black dot on Verne's head that suddenly speaks in a loud, blasting voice—indicating that it's Fred the Wood Tick. "WELCOME TO THE PARTY!"

Hammy yells "AHHHHHHHH!" as he pops his whole body out of Verne's shell and zooms back to the Diaz house's yard.

Verne watches the squirrel go and says in voice of genuine gratitude, "Thanks, Fred." He is so relieved that he tolerates Fred's loud voice.

Fred the Wood Tick: "MY PLEASURE! CAN I STAY FOR A DRINK?"

Verne: "No. I've been through a lot of frustration and want to be alone. But how about this? Leave me to be in my peaceful, little happy place now, and I'll owe you a free drink in the future."

Fred the Wood Tick: "SOUNDS GREAT! DEAL!"

The tick gets off Verne and goes on his merry way, finally leaving Verne alone in peace.

The next day, Sunday, the hedgies and their friends are lounging around. Verne has also returned, but only after all the things that gave him such a hard time yesterday were unplugged or starved out of power. He second-guesses his decision when the doorbell rings, followed by some hard knocks. A voice follows soon after.

"This is the cable man. You're long overdue on your bill and you refused to answer our phone calls. Now open up! We need to talk NOW."

RJ points to the animals as he addresses them. "Phil, Larry, Milton, Gianna, Irwin and Rojas, go hide in the attic. The rest of us, don our human alter-ego Natasha. Hurry!"

The animals start moving and receive extra motivation when the cable guy knocks the door harder than before, and vents some of his frustration. "I'm already in a bad mood, do not make this worse for me! I was the one unlucky guy chosen to waste part of his Sunday coming out here because YOU didn't return the company's phone calls! As much as I hate doing it, I'm not leaving until I accomplish something out of my visit. I know someone's in there! I heard the TV going, and some footsteps!"

Fortunately, the hedgies have their Natasha gear set up in a nearby hallway closet and are ready for action. They unlock the door and open it up.

After giving a courteous wave, Natasha via Siri says, "Dobroye utro—Good morning. I am Natasha, a BnB guest with xeroderma pigmentosum who is renting the Diaz home for the weekend. They told me you might come for cable repossession."

Cable guy: "So that's his game, eh? Going on vacation to avoid the cable company, and having some vampire-skinned Rusky who can't pay for anything be here just to buy some time. Well, it won't work. I've come to repossess the cable, and that's what I'm gonna do. Ma'am, I'm going to have to enter the house and take back all the cable TV boxes."

"Natasha" via Siri: "How rude! Very stereotypical too. Do not make me call your boss, or worse, Better Business Bureau. Just do your job and leave—please."

Despite the "woman's" surly tone and contradictory word choices—"Threatening me, and then telling me to do my job? How odd..." the man ponders—she immediately makes way for him to enter. It takes him 30 minutes to disconnect and retrieve all the company-provided cable boxes and wires. He takes them to his van and then heads back in the house carrying some papers. The first is a note.

Cable guy: "Make sure Mr. Diaz sees this. It explains everything that has happened today, why it happened, and what he must do if he wants to get his cable TV back."

"Natasha" via Siri: "Da."

Cable guy: "I also need you to sign this paper, showing there was someone here to witness and approve of my little visit."

"Natasha" takes the pen he offers and sloppily signs her name. The man thinks of having her re-try, but then decides against it. He's spent enough of his off-day time here and wants to get back to enjoying his Sunday.

Cable guy: "I appreciate all your cooperation, ma'am. Including tolerating my anger. But this whole work week has been stressful, and I was really looking forward to some off-time, only to be called to come here. I apologize and hope you enjoy the rest of your stay here as best you can without TV."

"Natasha" via Siri: "Apology accepted. And not much loss in entertainment. Still plenty to do and enjoy. No Russian channels anyway. And subtitles only in English, Spanish, and French. Tell your company to include more languages in their subtitle options, particularly Russian. Good-bye."

The man walks to his van, starts it up, and drives away. The animals shut the door and put their Natasha disguise back in the hallway closet.

RJ: "That went well."

Roger: "How can you say it 'went well'? We lost our TV source!"

To add to the melodrama, the hedgies' friends from upstairs groan, "What happened to the TV?!"

Phil's voice: "It's the only thing that keeps my kids distracted enough for me to have some free time with my mate!"

Irwin's voice: "I hate total silence! Without Nature's noises, TV is the only noise that keeps me focused on doing things!"

Rojas's voice: "I can't sleep straight unless there's background noise at night!"

Milton's voice: "Without the screen's brightness, I can see even less!"

Larry's voice: "Now I can't enjoy that cartoon brown-furred cousin of mine outsmarting that gray cat with slapstick comedy!"

Gianna's voice: "Without the weather channel, we won't know what to set the thermostat to!"

Upon hearing their friends' small-time complaints made big, Rebecca addresses the family by saying, "I have to admit, without any more TV, staying here might be more trouble than it's worth."

RJ: "No worries. We can make this work. Bucky, Quillo, Spike, Emily, Rachel, and Emma?"

All six salute and say "On it!" in unison. They grab a bunch of extension cords, spare HD cables the brought from the log, and tools used for wiring, then head out the back door.

The rest of the hedgies stay put, waiting in anticipation for what will happen next. In five minutes, a loud Klunk! sound is heard overhead, causing Ozzie, Heather, Mary, and Bernard to go "Uh!" and play possum—in perfect simultaneous synchronization.

Ignoring the marsupial-blooded animals, Stella quizzically asks, "What was that sound?"

Celine: "It's coming from the attic."

Trusting the word of a bat that relies on its hearing more than eyes, the others hoof it to where the attic is. The reach the top of the main stairs, pull down the ceiling ladder, and climb up. Inside the cut-wood area, they see a TV hooked up and playing in crystal clear HD. Irwin and Rojas are flying happily around; Phil sticks his upper body out of a cardboard box, smiling with his big buck teeth; Gianna is sitting on a tupperware box next to Larry in front of the TV that they are watching; and Milton is laying on his back getting a tan under a high-powered lamp.

Seeing that only two of the many guests who had complained about the lack of TV are actually watching it, Rick shakes his head side to side and says, "The irony is strong up here..."

To the side of the TV are the two sets of porcupine triplets, resting one set of their arms against it and rubbing their chests then checking the fingernails of their free paws as if to say "Easy-peasy lemon squeezy." They have hooked up a snake-nest of cables and wires leeching from nearby houses, making the TV setup better than it was before.

Lou, Penny, and Annette waltz over to put their paws on their kids' shoulders.

Penny: "Jeepers, you kids are geniuses!"

Lou: "That's my boys!"

Annette: "And that's my girls!"

All six porcupine teens speak in stereotypical Texan accents as they say, "T'weren't nothin'," in unison.

Emily: "But the Diaz's electric bill is gonna be colossal."

Bucky: "Same goes for the two neighboring houses."

Tiger: "Like Mr. Diaz said, we animals are free of monetary obligations. I say we take our host's advice and live stress-free for the rest of our stay."

Phil: "Who wants to go get some grub?"

All animals raise their paws or wings and say "I do!" at once. They stampede out of the attic and head to the kitchen. Some climb the counters, others raid the pantry, and a third group goes through the refrigerator.

Upon seeing the crumbs accumulate into a full-blown mess, Verne looks at his mammalian co-leader and points out, "RJ, how are we going to maintain this place?"

RJ has his paws behind his back then puffs his chest out while and says, "We're not...We'll live here until it completely falls apart..." He spreads his arms out as he ends sarcastically with, "By then, the humans will have overturned the state law protecting the woods, and built an entire new subdivision on the other side of the hedge."

Verne: "And we'll just swap to another house offering as an AIRBNB—which you told me could only be done a few times yesterday?"

RJ already knows he had won the debate, and walks away while casually saying, "I changed my mind based on new evidence. It's the suburban circle of life."

"And snacks..." sighs Verne sighs as he gives an "are you serious?" look in his eyes.

To add insult to injury, Milton comes up behind Verne to announce, "The toilet's clogged up again!"

Rojas: "That's it. I've had it with this place!"

Milton: "Me too! We're heading back to the woods. The humans' world isn't nearly as fun or convenient as we thought it would be."

Phil: "But let's thank our friends for inviting us for some unforgettable fun!"

All guest animals wave at the hedgies and say "Tha-anks!"

Hedgies in unison: "You're welcome!"

Once the last of the friends has left, De'Ausha says, "Some animals just can't take it outside their comfort zones."

Stella: "No skin off my bones."

Ozzie: "That reminds me, who's up for some fried chicken tonight?"

No one disagrees, and the family cooks a big, tasty meal that leaves the house smelling like a fast food restaurant.

The next day, Monday, is the day the Diaz's will come back, and the hedgies have spent every second since waking up having as much fun as possible with the time they have left.

With one hour until the Diaz's return, they hedgies have already set up the next activity to do in the living room. While waiting their turn, Rogan, Sarah, Rebecca, and RJ are standing beside a couch and having a raccoon family chat.

Rogan: "You've made your mother and I so proud, son."

Sarah: "You've been an accreditation to the raccoon species, and our family name."

RJ: "Thanks, mom and dad."

Rebecca: "And I have been watching closely and learning from you. I mean, someone's gotta pass the torch of our family to a new generation someday."

Rogan: "But there's just one flaw in the plan." (Enlarges a certain part of text on RJ's cell phone) "AIRBNB requires hosts to rate their guests...No one will ever rent to us again after this. So how can we avoid a stink-o rating?"

RJ (puts his fingers on his chin in thought): "Hmm...?"

Lou: "Geronimo!"

The raccoons turn to their left where there's a recliner chair that's fully reclined. The older porcupine has just jumped off from a counter and lands on the headrest section with a FUMP! Sitting on the footrest is De'Ausha, Tiger, Plushie, and Velma who are launched through the air and pass over the raccoons.

RJ: "I'd say we'll get five stars for 'creative use of a recliner.' "

Sarah: "Not a category, RJ."

RJ (sighs and slumps his shoulders): "Okay...So how do we avoid a bad AIRBNB rating?"

Verne (walks in from behind and has a very smug smile on his face): "The old-fashion way: by cleaning up our mess."

RJ (nods and faces Verne while talking): "That does seem to be the only feasible way." (While turning to look at the mess that needs cleaning) "It's not like we were so rowdy that the whole place is...Ohhhh."

To say the house is a pigsty would be too generous. Instead, as RJ surveys the damages, the state of the house is a total wreck—figuratively and literally.

Rebecca: "I know it's a cliché, but, it looks like cleaning up will be 'easier said than done.' "

Rogan: "More like it'll take a miracle."

RJ: "Not to worry. I know how to clean the house up before the owners return..."

RJ goes over to the refrigerator, opens it, climbs in it and retrieves half of the family's miracle-maker. All that's needed is the other half, and RJ calls for it when he gets back down on the ground.

RJ: Oh, Ham—"

Zoom-whoosh!

RJ: "—mmy."

A familiar squirrel is by RJ's side as if waiting for the summon all along.

RJ: "We need you to clean up the whole house."

RJ opens a can of soda and holds it out to Hammy. But the squirrel doesn't take it.

RJ: "C'mon, Hammy. The sugar won't kick in as fast if you don't drink it while it's still fizzing."

Hammy remains still as a statue and crosses his arms, his expression unreadable.

RJ: "Did you hear me?"

Hammy (cross tone): "I heard you say you wanted me to clean the house...But what I didn't hear was the word, 'please.' "

RJ: "Please, clean the whole house, Hammy."

Hammy's voice and facial expression instantly turn back to their normal, happy demeanor when he exclaims, "Stand back, relax, and hold onto something or go limp! It's gonna get mega windy!"

He takes six gulps of the soda, his body shudders from the caffeine/sugar surge, and then he's off. Because he didn't have Mach 6 energy drink, Hammy doesn't travel at the speed of light, which was an intentional choice by RJ because going that fast would make the mess ever worse than it already is. Instead, he goes into furry-and-white F-5 tornado-mode like the Tasmanian Devil. The spinning vortex reaches all the way to the ceiling and sweeps through every nook and cranny in every room, leaving perfectly spotless, sparkling, and squeaky-cleanliness in its wake.

Hammy (stops near RJ and Verne): "Nice and clean!"

Verne: "Why didn't I think of that?"

RJ: "Your problem is thinking too much and not running straight for the horizon."

A knock at the door, and Mr. Diaz's voice saying, "Hi Natasha! We're back!" makes one of the hedgies prove her future as one of the family's co-leaders children will be bright.

Mary: "Speaking of 'running straight for the horizon', let's do that NOW!"

The others quickly leave out the backdoor and disappear through the hedge.

Inside the house, Mr. Diaz sees a note left by their houseguest and reads it out loud for his family.

Deer Diaz family,

Thank yew 4 all yer kindness & hospitality. I got howmsick & called oober 2 take me 2 airport so I can C relatives in Rusha. K-bell guy came & took away K-bell, and power bill will B high. But yews attached credit card 2 pay 4 expenses. Thank yew and goodbye!

*Heart symbol*,

Natasha.

P.S. Keep Siri as parting gift.

P.P.S. Very nice animals live B-hind hows. Pleees leave fresh food 4 them 1nce a week & u'll be safe from animal problems 4ever!

After unpacking, Mr. Diaz gets out the BnB rating app, and gives Natasha a 5/5 stars.

Back in the woods, the hedgies receive a notification of this and pump their fists in triumph.

Heather: "This has been, like, the best flim-flam we have ever pulled!"

Hammy: "I wanna do it again!"

Ozzie: "With how great our rating is, I believe as long as we do exactly what we did at the Diaz's, we'll be alright."

RJ gets out a laptop and pulls up a map of the suburbs. "Let's see who's next!"

The others cheer and gather around.

The hedgies ended up doing some more AIRBNB escapades. The fun lasted for nine days total—three more weekends. It came to an end when the credit card owners cancelled their cards once they found out they had been stolen.

Disheartened with the human race's slow but sure increasing attention to detail, RJ officially and solemnly ends all further plans for AIRBNBs when he announces, "I guess animals can be impacted by monetary restrictions after all..."

There you have it! Hope you enjoyed my early (or late, depending on what religion you are) Holiday present to you at this initial December 16, 2023 posting!

Thank you again for all your love and support, readers! I look forward to writing new chapters to existing stories, or eventually creating new stories in the future!