Re-writing History

Author's note:

Was anyone else bothered by Neela going out of the Luka and Abby's wedding to talk to Gates? I honestly thought she was going to look for Ray. As bad timing would have it, Ray passes the doorway and sees them together. Even if they were just talking, Neela really lets Gates get too close and she still doesn't end it with him! Frustrating. I decided to re-write this and take it on a different trajectory – one where Ray doesn't get hurt!

All credit to the ER writers. I don't own the characters obviously.

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"Ray! I've been trying to find you."

She shivered in the night air, pulling her shawl around her shoulders. He didn't move. He continued staring over the balcony, into the distance.

"What do you want Neela?" He tried to not sound angry but the sight of Gates touching her again was disturbing him.

"I thought we could talk." She didn't miss that the tone of his voice was markedly different to the tender voice he used earlier as he stroked her wrist.

"Are you mad at me?" She tried to figure out what had happened since their conversation in the corridor. It was only a few hours ago that she thought there had been some progress. The person who had served his heart to her on a CD, now seemed to want her gone.

"You know, I'm really trying to understand what it is that makes you go back to him." He turned to face her, leaning his back against the balcony rail.

"Gates?" She looked at him confused.

"Yes Gates!" The venom in his voice as he said his rival's name couldn't be missed.

"Ray, earlier I didn't get to say what I wanted to say."

"You know Neela, I don't want to hear it. If you want to be with him, then I won't stop you. I'm done with trying to convince you that I'm the better guy. I shouldn't have to." He turned his back to her again. His heart sunk. For a long time he told himself that he just had to be patient and then maybe he would get the girl. He knew she had to figure things out but he didn't want to be the spectator to this endless rebound with Gates.

"Why would you think that?" Her voice revealed her disbelief at what he was saying. She looked at his defeated form.

"Well..let's see…have you told him that you're not interested in a relationship with him? Every time I turn around, there he is, invading your personal space like he has a right to."

"Well he doesn't. I haven't had a chance to tell him but I will. I was planning to." She was nervous because she knew her words were falling flat.

"You better make it fast Neela because I can't do this anymore." His voice was cold and hard. He refused to look at her because he didn't want her to melt him. He needed to be resolute. He wondered how he had gone from being a rock star, hunted by groupies, to this love-sick mess of a man spending nights alone, fantasising about one woman.

"I get it Ray. I've been trying all night to sort this and I've failed miserably." She stared at his back, willing him to turn around but he wouldn't.

He sighed. "I don't even think you know what you want Neela." He shook his head before lowering it. "Maybe we need some time apart so you can find out." He turned around now. His eyes looked exhausted, partly from the drinking, partly from struggling with his emotions.

Neela saw that she was losing him and panic took over. He moved to walk past her but she grabbed his arm to pull him back.

"I do know. I've known for a while. I've just been too scared to admit it." Her breathing was heavy, her eyes were wide, begging him to stay.

Ray looked away because he knew that those eyes would get her off the hook. He wasn't going to accept a 'maybe' this time.

"Ray, this is really difficult. Gates, he doesn't mean anything to me. I don't think I mean anything to him. With you it's different."

"Because I'll hang around while you figure it all out. I'll put my life on hold like a fool, dreaming up scenarios where you actually choose me." He laughed at how pitiable he sounded.

"I'm choosing you now Ray. I wanted us to talk properly. Trying to get my head together while rushing around for Abby, it just wasn't going to happen. I finally got a quiet moment to come find you."

He shifted to stand in front of her, not expecting her to say anything ground breaking. He waited for her to give the usual non-committal drabble and then made his mind up that he would walk away after.

"Ok, sure, talk to me Neela." His tone wasn't very inviting but being the nice guy hadn't got him very far.

"Ray, I want us to talk, just you and me without all of this wedding stuff going on. Do you want to get out of here for a bit?" Before Ray could answer, they were interrupted.

"Mayday! I've been looking for you! You owe me a dance." She closed her eyes and silently cursed Tony's bad timing.

Tony looked at the figure standing behind her. "Come on Ray, it's a wedding. Less of the sulking. I think Neela deserves to have a good time." She turned to see Tony holding out his hand to her.

Ray gave him a death stare, resisting the urge to go over and punch him. He looked back to Neela who was now looking at him again. They locked eyes. She knew this was the moment where she could lose everything she really wanted.

"Tony, I'm busy." She made no attempt to move.

"Don't let him ruin the night. Come back inside." Tony took a step towards her but before he could move any closer, she put him in his place.

"Tony, I said I'm busy. Please leave." She turned her back to him to emphasise the fact that she wasn't interested in what he had to say.

Tony watched Ray and Neela, noticing the palpable tension.

"So what's going on here? Doc Rock thinks he can make a move on my girl?" Tony looked at him with a cocky expression and chuckled.

Ray gave him a dirty look and then he smiled in amusement as he mentally re-played the kiss in his car. She was definitely not Gates' girl if that kiss was anything to go by. As if Neela had read his mind she intervened.

"I'm not your girl. I never was. I think we both know that you're not ready for a relationship."

"I know it's been messy lately but I'm working through it. Is this really an option Neela?" He looked at Ray in disgust.

"No he's not an option. He's what I want," she replied defensively. She said a silent prayer hoping that she hadn't just created a scene for nothing. "Oh God…so much for waiting for the right moment," she muttered to herself.

Ray questioned her with his eyes because he wanted to check that this wasn't some kind of mistake. She could only try to communicate back through a hopeful look. They really needed to talk.

"Is this a joke Neela?" Tony was now wound up and not ready to quit just yet.

"No Tony, it's not."

Pratt was passing the doorway when he saw the argument reaching the point before a physical altercation. He paused to see if he would need to break it up and spare the newlyweds a wedding horror story.

"You couldn't leave her alone could you rock star? Is she a challenge for you after all the dumb groupies?"

"You don't know what you're talking about Gates." Ray was getting angry now. Drawing a comparison between Neela and a groupie was completely ridiculous because Neela was on a whole different level. No woman had got under his skin and into his heart like Neela did. She was his best friend and the person who made him feel like he wanted to be a better man. He didn't need to sleep with her to know that she meant more to him than any other woman he'd met.

Neela could see the flash of anger on Ray's face. She wish she knew how to get them out of there without having to go past Tony.

"Who's been the one taking care of her Ray?"

"Well it certainly hasn't been you. Where would you find the time while you were busy taking care of your dead friend's family? We all know how that turned out."

"Ray…" Neela shook her head to tell him not to pursue this tactic. She turned round, expecting the worst.

Tony now lunged forward with the intent of beating Ray to a pulp but Pratt grabbed him back before he could land any blows.

"Right, you, go home," Pratt ordered Gates.

"What? Why am I going home?" Tony struggled with him, trying to shrug him off.

"You need to cool off." Pratt stared at him, hoping things wouldn't escalate.

"I'm not leaving her with him," he snarled.

"Neela, are you ok?" Pratt asked her, looking at Ray suspiciously.

"Yeah, I'm fine Greg. I'm staying here with Ray."

"Ok. Gates, come on," Pratt barked, indicating that it was time for them to go.

Tony shot daggers at Ray before giving Neela a pleading look, hoping she wouldn't go to Ray.

"I'm sorry Tony," was all she could muster.

Tony resigned himself to the outcome and pushed Pratt out of the way to leave. Pratt gave Neela one last chance to let him know she was definitely ok and as she nodded at him, he walked out after Tony.

Neela turned to Ray who looked like he was calculating some mathematical equation. His frown was deep and his face serious. He was weighing up information to see if what just happened was equal to her actually choosing to be with him.

"Ray?" Neela eyed him anxiously.

"Yeah." He replied, still looking perplexed.

"Please can we get out of here." She placed her hand on his arm and he didn't flinch so she breathed a sigh of relief.

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They took the back exit and walked a bit further round the block. Ray saw her shivering and took off his jacket to place it over her shoulders.

She looked up at him gratefully. "Thanks."

They walked in silence for a while before approaching a bar. He looked at her by way of suggesting they go in. She smiled in reply. He bought their drinks and found a table in a dimly lit corner where they could get some privacy and where the music wouldn't drown them out.

"So…" he started.

"So…" she echoed.

"Look Ray, this is not how I thought this would go when I was rehearsing it in my head."

"Rehearsing?" He smiled at that as it told him there was some intention to reach out to him.

"Yeah…you know how it is with me. I don't wing it." They both laughed, recalling the disastrous morning of her presentation when they lived together. She spilt coffee in her rush to gather her things and he stood there in his boxers, cleaning her up before they had that 'moment'. A moment when nothing happened but that non-platonic border was in plain sight.

"So…do you really want me?" he asked tentatively.

"Until our kiss I managed to stay in denial. It's taken me time to move past the pain and guilt and part of me will always be haunted by Michael's death. He left me a video tape to watch…in case he died. He told me that if anything happened to him, he wanted me to be happy with someone I love, with someone who loves me…." She took a big gulp of whisky, feeling awkward about revealing something so personal.

He placed his hand on hers, which with the whisky, gave her the courage to continue.

"So I guess that's where I'm at. I've found someone who I have these strong feelings for…you know…I've er really fallen for him…"

"But you're wondering if he feels the same…" Ray felt the warmth in his face and it wasn't the drink.

"I'm hoping he does…" She could feel his eyes on her but she couldn't look at him.

"Neela…he does…I do. I've been acting like an idiot for weeks but I've been jealous and frustrated. All I wanted was for us to go back to how things were when we were roomies, just us, together. I've wanted more than friendship for some time, you know that. It's why you moved out."

"It wasn't just you Ray." She met his eyes to assure him that this wasn't one sided. "You asked me if you felt like history to me. Tony is history. I've been thinking about you being my future."

Ray's heart skipped a beat. He was lost for words.

"Kinda heavy right?" She felt embarrassed because they didn't talk about those feelings that were simmering under being 'just friends'. It never really got addressed. She told him that she needed time or she just made an escape before she had to face up to how she felt. She wondered if he would be the one to run away now.

"Yeah…heavy…but in a good way." He leaned in, moving a curl out of her face. "A future with you doesn't scare me Neela. I never even thought about settling down until you became such a big part of my life."

She looked at him in wonder. Ray settling down with her. Once upon a time the idea of him settling down at all would have been laughable. There was no doubt Ray had grown to become the kind of man who could be husband material. She'd seen sides of him that endeared him to her and made her admire and adore him. There was still one side left to discover but that couldn't be rushed.

"I…think it's a bit soon to be talking about settling down but if that's where we end up, that wouldn't be so bad…" she smiled at him as she actually started to think about the possibility.

"So why don't we start with you coming back to the apartment?"

"Roommates again?" She gave him an unsure look.

"I was thinking not as my roomie this time. Will you move in with me?" He smiled shyly.

She felt the heat rising at the back of her neck. She already knew so much about Ray. Living together wasn't anything new. Living together as a couple was a big step in their relationship though.

He watched her doing an analysis, pondering his words. She had barely moved. He was thinking of a joke about banning devil movies and doing the dishes for three months to lighten things when she spoke.

"Just to be clear, you want me to move in as your…"

"Girlfriend" he finished. "Neela, you're my best friend and the best roomie ever but I want a relationship…with you. Neela, would you like to go out sometime?"

He found himself smiling awkwardly at the strange feeling of talking to his best friend this way. Not some girl he barely knew but someone who already held his heart in her hands. The weight of that question was more than the casual turn of phrase. This was the first time that Ray Barnett felt scared of asking a girl on a date. He was never this concerned about the consequences. This time he was already invested.

She grinned like a teenage schoolgirl who had just been asked out by her crush. This was unchartered territory. What surprised her was how easy it was to say yes.

"Yeah, I would. So er…is this like our first date?" She looked around at some of the shady characters and spotted a couple snogging far too aggressively in another corner of the bar.

"Consider it a pre first date. I want to do something special for the real thing." He stroked her wrist again as he'd done earlier.

She noted that his eyes looked seductive, even harder to resist than usual. Romantic Ray was going to be trouble. Neela looked down, knowing her face felt flushed. Her messy, funny, silly mate Ray, was making her blush.

"This is so weird…." she commented, not realising she'd said it out loud. She couldn't hide her happiness at being the object of his affections, but she still couldn't quite believe it.

"I can think of a way to make it less weird…" He moved their whisky glasses out of the way and angled himself so he could move in for the kiss he'd been dying to give her for weeks.

She felt her breathing quicken in anticipation. Ray was a good kisser. Her impatience made her meet him halfway and as she felt his lips touch hers, she kissed him with an unadulterated passion that Ray was only just now having the pleasure of getting acquainted with.

His breath caught in his throat for a second before he caught up to her. It was like a song he'd never played before but he was desperate to play the lead. His enthusiasm could not be contained as he worked out this new melody. He placed his hand to her face as he closed any possible gaps between them. His tongue was dancing with hers and he could feel his desire increasing. His hand made its way down to her waist as he moved his kisses to her neck, slowing each one, starting at her collar bone and working up to her ear.

A moan slipped out of her mouth before she pulled back to stop him taking her beyond the point of reason.

"Ray, we should get back to the wedding. Abby's probably wondering where I am…" She tried to slow her breathing as she eyed his face, drowsy with desire and pure bliss.

"Do we have to?" he asked, his voice raspy. His eyes didn't let up.

"Yeah…we should." She didn't know how she was being sensible right now. She hated herself for being the good girl sometimes. He cocked his head to the side and gave her the puppy dog eyes.

She grinned at his pout. She really did want to move forward, even if they had to take things slowly and it didn't go so smoothly to start with. There really was no place she would rather be than at home with him. She offered a compromise.

"Ray, let's go back for a bit, mingle, say our goodbyes and then maybe…you can take me home?".

"Our home?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," she replied, her eyes shining.

She watched his face light up with the biggest smile. She took that as an agreement. She kissed his lips briefly before taking his hand to lead him out of the bar.

As they got outside, the chill hit them like an awakening. Ray glanced down at Neela wrapping her shawl round her neck like a scarf and then putting his jacket on. He liked the idea of her being in something of his. It was like she was telling the world that she was with him. His jacket was too big and it made her look like a small child in need of protection. He wanted to be the one to take care of her. She looked up at him, thinking about how stupid she must look. He thought she looked cute and gave her a smile to let her know it. She smiled back, dreamily inhaling the scent of his cologne on the jacket. As they walked back to the wedding venue in a comfortable but pensive silence, he reached for her hand. Her fingers automatically intertwined with his as if holding hands was already their normal thing. They both turned to look at each other, sensing that things were about to change in a massive way. It was ok though. They were ready to start a new chapter in their story.