Prompt #16 by casaleta1: "Harvey and Donna find themselves under some mistletoe at the firm's Christmas party. Harvey jokes about it but Donna gets serious - you made me promise never to kiss you again. At that moment, Thomas arrives. Some angst, jealous and regretful Harvey and a happy ending."
Donna Paulsen, for the first time in well over a decade, has been having the picture-perfect Christmas.
As COO, she finished all her work early and closed all the clients. She managed to make it to almost every opening night of her favorite winter musicals, had been out of the office at a reasonable hour (for the most part), and she'd finally taken the vacation she'd been planning to take for years- a vacation she needed even more so now with her new role at the law firm.
She spent an entire week at a snowy cabin up in the mountains doing all the typical cheesy Christmas-y R&R activities. She spent nights in, huddled by the fire drinking mulled wine or apple cider as she read her novels. She skied on the alps for the first time in years, expertly jutting down the black diamond like the pro she used to be, squealing with joy at the adrenaline rush. She went mountain hiking in the snow, saw the Christmas lights show, enjoyed the tree farm, experienced warm yoga with a breathtaking view of the mountains and warm cheery fairy lights all around her. She'd watched multiple holiday movies, and not one meal since the beginning of winter hadn't been cozy and decadent. She had been having the most perfect quintessential winter holiday.
And it was all thanks to one Thomas Kessler.
Thomas Kessler came into her life like a knight in shining armor, whisking her away from her dreary and desolate life. He was the one that took her to every musical she'd been yearning to see, surprising her with box tickets night after night. He was the one that convinced her to leave the office before midnight, pushed her to finally take her vacation and suggested they go to this family lodge he'd been vacationing at for years.
He cuddled her by the fire, rearranging her so she'd be resting on his broad chest, as they both leisurely read her novel before slowly and tentatively making love by the fire. They shared mulled drinks and swapped stories of embarrassing family holiday stories in bed or at the lodge's cozy bar. He toppled over his skis and nearly took Donna out in the process, who kept laughing as she tried protecting and breaking his fall, before moving them back to the bunny hop. She gave him one-on-one skiing lessons and rewarded him with every slide he managed to complete.
He introduced her to his family that was also there, and she swore she saw love in his eyes as he saw his cousin and her family become smitten with Donna Paulsen over their shared dinner meal.
It was seven days of absolute, perfect, Christmas bliss. Every night after a ravenous session of fervent sex that was mind blowingly good and wrapped up in affection, she thanked the universe for granting her the perfect Christmas vacation she knew she deserved.
So, it was understandable, one week later, how much she was dreading popping their perfect fairy-light lit bubble and going back into the city.
Dressed up in her black thermal tights and her favourite white cable-knit sweater she sighed as she unlocked the door to her apartment, missing Kessler already who had to go back to the office for some emergency.
Just as she walked into her living room that was perfectly decorated for Christmas yet lacking some of the warmth she got accustomed to at the lodge, her eyes spotted the dreaded RSVP letter at her side table in her entrance.
"Ugh, I forgot about this." She mumbled to herself as she skimmed the brown paper letter with an exorbitant amount of snowflakes and lace decorating its edge.
Louis Litt's first act as managing partner was to remind everyone that he will be reinstating the annual Christmas party they used to have under Jessica's reign, and that everyone's attendance was mandatory- making his old fashioned printed out RSVP letters even more useless- and a waste of paper- and when she pointed this out Louis responded "What are we savages of the 21st century? No self-respecting man throws a party and does not send out traditional RSVP invites Donna."
That was her queue to wash her hands from the entire ordeal and let Robert yell at Louis's overspending and overzealous planning and budgeting.
The party would no doubt be overbearingly over the top, a winter-palooza night filled with schmoozing clients, an agitated Louis correcting everyone's assumption it was a Christmas party to a holiday party (inclusive to his Jewishness yet ironically ignoring all other potential religions), and hours on end of pretending to smile through the older clients who will hit on her and reminisce on the days she was "their favorite secretary to talk to."
It was the last thing she wanted to do after the year she'd had. Since Mike and Rachel's wedding, her life had been spiraling in all different directions she never saw coming.
She never saw herself as a COO of the company she had been working for years. She never saw herself kissing Harvey while he was dating someone else, and ignoring that fact so easily as they fell into the same old routine of friends who were as close as they could be, dancing with one another all night at the wedding, Harvey once again choosing her in one way that mattered but not the other- the one where he could keep her close as a confidant at work, as the maid of honor to his best man, yet still never cross the bridge to the something more she always wanted.
She never saw herself taking down Harvey and Robert as managing partners by sending in Louis like a dark horse to take over and she definitely never saw Louis thrive as the man at the helm with her by his side, steering him in the right direction.
She never saw Thomas coming or saw herself dating a client but he did show up, and he was perfect in every way. She didn't think she'd fall in love in just a short few months, and she definitely didn't think she'd ever choose someone over Harvey and the firm.
But she did. And it nearly cost him his license, and their friendship as they had their biggest blow out to date, screaming at one another in his office late at night over their actions.
"Harvey if there is anyone in the world, I have faith in it's you. But the clock was striking midnight and I had to make a choice and it is just a client. Can't you understand that?"
"But it's not just a client. This is more right? This you, and Thomas- it's serious."
Donna blinked at the segway back to the topic he'd avoided earlier.
"I- yes it is."
Harvey nodded, tears still ruminating in his eyes as he let his mouth open on an inhale. He suddenly looked determined,
"So nothing I say will change that. Like what if I told you I that I still lo-" and before he could finish his thought fucking Hardman walked in and Donna walked out.
And they didn't speak of it again. And the threat of Harvey's license being revoked went away early on thanks to Robert convincing Hardman to back off.
Harvey not even once tried re-opening the topic. So, Donna didn't either. He clearly chalked it up to a night of nerves and Donna didn't have to chalk it up to anything, this was Harvey's usual amo. She was used to it, but she was done.
Thomas stuck around, and she grew closer and closer to him and as a result, further away from Harvey.
And she definitely didn't see that coming.
But maybe some changes were good. Donna thought back to her whirlwind romantic relationship these last few months and smiled.
She checked yes to both attending and with a plus one as she threw the invite back on her table.
She was going to ignore the tiny ball of dread forming in her stomach by focusing instead on buying a new dress for the occasion.
Perhaps if she looked like a million dollars she'll feel like one instead of being anxious at the prospect of her and Thomas's first official outing as a couple with her work friends.
….
Come Friday evening, Donna Paulsen was dressed to the nines. She opted for a halter neck backless white silk Oscar de la Renta dress that complimented her curves gracefully. Her hair was styled in a loose bun with curls framing her face and she went full out on the cheerful and bright holiday makeup look. Gold shimmery eyeshadow, dark full red lips and highlighter sharpening her cheekbones.
If Thomas's reaction was anything to go by, she looked stunning.
And as predicted, Louis's party was the perfect backdrop for her white dress as he transformed the hotel's ballroom into a winter wonderland with gold lights and an abundance of white decorations everywhere.
She had to admit, it was more tasteful than she expected without her usual helping hand steering him away from his ostentatiousness.
"I only see two large ice sculptures and no live swans anywhere. This is a good sign." Donna marveled as Thomas laughed, squeezing her closer to his side as his arm rested across her shoulders. "Behave, the man just got me that expansion deal we'd been working on for months."
Donna sent him an apologetic look before kissing him quickly. Thomas was exceptionally good at keeping her nervous flutters at bay.
He'd picked her up earlier than expected, looking every bit like Marlon Brando in his white tux, and surprising her with her favorite bottle of champagne and a mini strawberry cheesecake cupcake from her favorite bakery, having a mini pre-celebration before the Litt Extravaganza they were both looking at as a work event.
He plied her with compliments and stories the entire way as he drove to the party, and not once did he complain about attending the party that felt obligatory, distracting her instead with updates on his family and work drama from the week.
Donna's eyes roamed the ball, admitting the winter wonderland theme with white Christmas trees, specks of blue decorations in honor of Hannukah, and fake snow dusting corners of the room was a touch of brilliance from Louis Litt.
"Donna!" Samantha waved as she walked up to Donna, dressed up in a long pink strapless gown.
"Wheeler, you clean up good." Donna's voice sultrily greeted her as she looked her up and down and Sam smirked. "You don't look so bad yourself. If Thomas weren't here I'd suggest we get out of here for a more fun time."
Donna chuckled at her antics before piping up, "Oh Thomas doesn't mind, please drag me out of here before Stenson corners me with another god-awful story on his grandchildren."
Thomas laughed wholeheartedly as he agreed.
"Thomas be a dear and grab me a new drink while me and Donna talk about you behind your back." Sam winked as she handed him her empty champagne glass and Thomas smiled.
"Mention how good I look in a white tux and we have a deal."
Samantha tilted her head at him as he walked away "Ooh he's bossy, I like it. Can't believe how in love he looks with you."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
Donna smiled at the thought close-lipped, before changing the topic. "Katrina drunk yet?"
"She's about 2 more drinks away from slurring how she was meant to be the ballerina of the decade."
Donna snorted as Thomas returned by her side and handed her drink.
They resumed talking about the party, and as Sam and Kessler exchanged shop talk Donna let her eyes roam the place, when the music caught her ear as the surround sound of jazz musical notes played out.
The jazz notes were upbeat yet slow, while the Christmas lyrics being belted out were slightly cheery with an undertone of irony and melancholy as the singer sang about the love of his life and Christmas.
Right on cue she felt a sudden tingle go up her spine she always associated with one person. She turned to her side and spotted Harvey talking to Alex, his eyes briefly connecting with hers before going back to Alex.
She took another gulp of her glass before moving her attention back to Samantha and Thomas.
One and a half hours later, Donna found herself finally having a moment on her own, no longer being tugged left and right mingling with high end clients who either talked her ear off on all the complaints they had of their admin changes or piled her with mind-numbingly boring anecdotes.
She may or may not have been slightly tipsy, two champagne glasses and one martini in.
Walking back from the bar, she noticed Harvey standing on his own as well, leaning against a column in a quieter part of the ball.
She decided to bite the bullet and make her way there, his eyes having already connected with hers on more than one occasion throughout the night. She might as well get this over with.
"Hey" Harvey softly greeted her, his voice slightly rough from undoubtedly the endless amount of scotch he'd had over the night.
"Hi." Donna responded with a smile, feeling awkward around him. This was the reunion she was dreading the most, unsure how to act around Harvey now.
They've never been apart for this long. Neither of them have ever taken a vacation long enough to be away from the office for more than 3 days. Not even on Christmas, have they ever gone more than 72 hours away from one another. Harvey rarely went to Boston to be with his family, and if he did end up going to see Marcus and the kids he was always back on the train after 48 hours. And Donna only went up to her family for a long weekend, nothing substantial, except that one time she was snowed in for four days at her parents' home. Even then, Harvey and she were texting throughout the nights, Harvey being her friendly ear as she bitched and moaned about being trapped in suburban hell with her half-sister.
This time around she was gone for an entire week, and they exchanged one text in that entire time, Harvey asking her where the quarterly Samsung review file was at in her office. And their interactions before then had been minimal and only related to work.
Harvey's eyes roamed her from head to toe, briefly and discreetly, but long enough for Donna to catch it. It felt like he was sizing her up trying to see if perhaps there were any changes that occurred to her over their time apart.
She couldn't really blame him because she was categorizing every inch of him too. He was wearing a dark black Tom Ford suit that was reminiscent of a James Bond off-duty look, his white shirt and black jacket sleeves slightly rolled up, with matching black slacks perfectly pressed. He had opted for a Ralph Lauren black silk tie, with their signature polo bear embroidered on the very end.
Donna smiled at the tie, a gag gift from Mike from last Christmas.
Except it was skewed to the left which means Harvey was nervous about something. And his hair was slightly coiffed to the right, which means he's hiding something. And while he looked handsome as ever, put together and suave like Harvey Specter always was, Donna noticed his silver cuffs in the shape of the sax on his shirt, which meant he was feeling nostalgic, his dark sunken eye bags which meant he'd been losing sleep lately, and finally she noticed his posture that was leaning most of his weight onto his right leg, meaning he was antsy and possibly tipsy.
"So," Harvey spoke up, his lips slightly pursed, eyes roaming nervously from side to side before he shrugged it off, finishing his sentence "How was your vacation? Weather good?"
Donna blinked.
Did she just have a stroke? Better yet, did he?
"The weather was... Good. It was good. Snow."
"Ah. Perfect for winter." Donna frowned in bewilderment at Harvey's words, her eyes wide in shock.
Harvey chuckled at her expression and let a wry smile work its way on his face. "Maybe that was a stupid thing to say."
"Are you feeling ok, fever or anything, because you're acting delirious." Donna teased as she came closer into Harvey's personal space, brushing the back of her palm on his forehead.
Harvey hummed. "Mmm nope, maybe it's the lack of Donna effect in my life lately."
Donna felt a blush work onto her cheeks, and she bent her head down before taking two steps back from him. "Well, be glad I've cured you of that or you would've been in full-blown hysteria in a few more hours."
"Good to know." Harvey chuckled as he took a sip of his scotch, leaning his posture back against the column behind him.
"So really, how was it? I don't think you've taken time off for that long in all the years I've known you."
"It was definitely overdue."
Harvey cocked his head waiting for more and Donna inwardly sighed before describing it some more. "It was really good. You know, cozy, Christmas lights everywhere. Skied a lot. Drank a lot. Ate a lot."
"Wow, nice." he cleared his throat, "Good. Good, so you had fun?"
Donna nodded. "Yeah, we had… fun."
This might just be the worst conversation they'd ever had. weird, stilted, and definitely out of character.
She was partly to blame, barely giving an inch in this conversation, but Harvey was definitely off as well. In all the years she's known him she'd never seen him this.. Awkward. Or interested in her personal life.
"Yeah, well I should-" before Donna could finish her excuse to leave Harvey interrupted her.
"You know I was thinking about you the other day. I was watching this Die Hard rerun on TV, and it made me remember how that one winter you were at your family's house and you texted me it was on channel 9 in case I wanted to watch it and we both debated on which was the worst sequel."
Donna opened her mouth to respond but then Harvey talked over her,
"And then I got a call from Marcus, he was complaining about how his kids can't stop playing that game you bought them a few years back- that game with the stupid sounds, and how he was going to get me back for all the sleepless nights he'd suffered. And the other day I went on this jog, and I saw they were having that Shakespeare in the park thing? And I thought about that one time your date bailed on you and you went on your own, got drunk on that god awful mulled wine, and came back to the office party on the 23rd, and I had to distract you by throwing random objects like tinsel and paper straws at Louis?"
"What are yo-"
" I found this coffee place around the corner of my place, you know down bleeker? It's new and it's good. It infuses the coffee beans with vanilla straight as its brewing, and I felt like an idiot ordering the drink but I knew it would be so damn good- almost as good as when you make it. And then Lily called. Invited me over to Christmas this year. First time I ever said yes. She was so giddy, and happy and excited to tell me all about the festivities they were going to do, you know like what she was gonna cook for dinner, the walks they go on in the evening, some types of shops they visit, all that hallmark typical shit."
"That's great-"
"And all I wanted to do is call you up and tell you. Because you would've been really proud of me Donna. For saying yes. And happy too because you of all people get what this means for me. I wanted to text you about the coffee, I wanted to hear your voice and your advice about a million things this week. But I couldn't. Because you were with Kessler, and I didn't want to interrupt. And it just made me realize how all these years, I never really celebrated the holiday season, and I don't care to, but over the years you were always there, and we were always together in some way or the other. And you weren't there this time and I just.. I missed you."
Donna blinked in surprise, not expecting his sudden rant to end with such an emotional statement.
She didn't know what to say, how to feel, so she just stayed quiet, looking at him with bewilderment for a moment.
Till she remembered who was talking, and the timing of the confession. Donna scoffed lightly under her breath before sending Harvey an insincere smile.
"Ok."
Harvey frowned. "That's it? I tell you I-"
"What? That you miss me. That you wanted to talk to me for the past seven days. That's nice harvey. But it doesn't really mean anything right? Pick up the phone, call, we're friends. We can talk whenever."
Harvey swallowed down something before sending her a sharp half nod, his jaw clenched slightly. "Friends huh?"
"Yes, friends."
Harvey huffed. He knew she knew what his words really meant. Donna shook her head at his audacity, how he wrapped so much meaning around meaningless words and expected her entire world to shift because of that. Maybe it used to work before, but not now, not after being burned multiple times by him.
As if to explain her reaction she went on, "You're only saying this now because I'm finally happy and moved on with Thomas away from you and whatever the hell this is between us. You say you didn't want to interrupt but you're interrupting now with whatever the hell that confession was. You're just jealous."
Harvey's eyes grew wider in surprise, not expecting her nonchalant attitude or her accusation.
"Is that what you think this is? That I'm just being petty and wanting to ruin what you have now? Well it's not. I meant it ok?" She wasn't sure if he meant that he loved her, that he missed her as a friend, or what- but Donna had just about had it with his attitude, acting like she was at fault for their current situation.
She looked around for a second, almost as if making sure the coast was clear, before speaking back up.
"You rang the damn bell in our relationship ok? You practically said you loved me- when I was with Kessler and that can't be taken back, even if you only got half the damn word out." Donna huffed in frustration before continuing on.
"You rang the bell and now everything is different. And that is not on me." The words falling out of her mouth after ruminating on them for so long felt like a weight off her chest, as if her heart was finally buried out of a mountain of snow.
Till Specter opened his damn mouth again, letting out a humorless laugh at her confession.
"You know I'm not the one that rang the bell on our relationship right? You accuse me of trying to sabotage your relationship, which is rich coming from you. Because you god damn started it first. You're the one that kissed me. While I was with someone else, might I add. You're the one that said we had blurry lines-"
"And you're the one that said it didn't mean anything." Donna hissed as she took steps towards Harvey.
Harvey's eyes narrowed in annoyance as his nostrils flared in anger.
"You said you loved me too, you know?" he snapped back.
Donna stepped away as if she'd just been slapped. Harvey kept advancing towards her. "You said you loved me and then you left me. For Louis. You kissed me when I was with someone else, and then last month after the wedding I was goi-"
She spoke over him angrily "You said you loved me, and then you did nothing. Worse than nothing you ignored it and me. For weeks. And you did it again a few weeks ago. You left your girlfriend for me, and still pretended like that was professional loyalty and nothing more and-"
Before Donna could add her final scathing remark, a drunk as a skunk Louis interrupted their conversation, with a very pregnant and giddy Sheila by his side. "Oh my god you guys, you're under mistletoe!"
Harvey and Donna both take a step back from one another and glance up, noticing the offending drab little plant with fake berries attached on the end, hanging limply between them.
Donna let out an ironic laugh before inching back towards Harvey to whisper conversationally her final scathing remark "and you made me promise never to kiss you again the last time. So yes Harvey, I may have said I loved you and you said it too, but maybe we both didn't mean it. I'm with Thomas now and I am finally happy. And it is just like you to bring all this up now, when you've had months to do it." She hissed the last part, keeping her voice down so no one could overhear.
Harvey looked like she just kicked a puppy in front of him and Donna wanted to sigh at the mess they just made.
"Guys come on you have to kiss if you don't that's years of bad luck." Louis whined.
"Couldn't get any worse." Harvey mumbled under his breath earning a glare from Donna before she directed her attention back to Louis. "Louis, you're jewish."
"This isn't about religion, this is about s-suuperstition… superstitious. This is about tradition!" Louis slurred his words as his cosmopolitan peppermint drink slushed in his theatrical hand gestures.
Sheila guided his swaying body with her arm on his back "Oh louis," she sighed around an amused yet tired smile on her face as she took in her drunk partner.
"C'mon you guys if you don't kiss- Donna something bad will happen like you might break your wirst on a fall. Or break up with Thomas, or oh my god donna." Louis's eyes grew wide in fear as he clasped his hand around his mouth in a gasp. "You might lose your hair. God Donna could you imagine?"
Donna felt her face go slack at his antics, not sure whether to walk away or slap Louis to soberdom.
"And harvey if you don't kiss her I mean, c'mon you obviously want to, and it's best to kiss her instead of suffering the consequences. You could crash your stupid porsche, or stain one of your suit jackets, or even-"
"Louis enough! They'll kiss already, right guys?" Sheila sighed slightly irritated at the entire ordeal. She had been having fun all night, even with Louis to take care of as he drank peppermint schnapps and santa bellini drinks like he was drinking for two. But now, her feet were killing her, the fetus was on her bladder, and they were just about to head home to their warm cozy bed, before Louis intervened to inform Harvey and Donna of their impending disaster if they didn't concede to the rules of Mistletoe.
Donna felt like she was having an out of body experience at the dilemma she faced now. This could not be happening to her.
From the corner of her eye she saw Thomas make his way to their little circle now, spotting his white tuxedo clad body happily making its way to Donna's personal hell.
This was straight out of a badly written holiday movie her and Rachel would watch as they took shots at every cliche plotline.
Donna swallowed as she turned to face Harvey again, not sure what to do. But she didn't have to worry about that for too long, because suddenly Harvey was leaning in and Donna felt her entire body freeze up, her halter neck practically choking her at the moment as Harvey's lashes came to focus.
His lips were a breath away and she hadn't been this up close to his warm brown eyes since the last time she bombarded him with her lips.
She felt pressure pulsing in her shoulders, her entire posture stiff in fear of what was coming next, when Harvey bent his face sideways, aiming his soft lips to the side of her cheek.
Donna closed her eyes as he pecked her with the tiniest, warmest kiss she'd ever experienced on her skin.
It was so subtle, so light, yet it still sent goosebumps all over her body as a gush of heat encapsulated her.
Leave it to Harvey Specter to find a loophole to the pseudo rules of Christmas.
She let out a shaky exhale as Harvey slowly leaned back, shoving one arm in his pocket and the other shotgunning his drink in one go. He avoided her eyes and Donna was ready to storm away from him dramatically, when she caught Thomas standing just to the left of Harvey, looking confused and hurt as he stared at the two of them.
It may have been the most innocent kiss she ever experienced but she may as well have been stripped naked in front of everyone at the vulnerability it had catalyzed out of her and into the moment.
She sent Thomas what she hoped was a convincing smile before striding over to him, giving his hand a quick squeeze before reaching up to clasp her hand across his cheek as she gave him a reassuring kiss on the lips. She let them kiss twice consecutively, her upper lip latching onto his, before ending it sweetly. "Lets go to the bar. I need another drink." she murmured sweetly and Thomas nodded as they went over there.
"What were you guys talking about?"
Donna avoided the question at first by taking a controlled sip of champagne, shrugging her shoulders. "Nothing, just holiday plans. Which Harvey hates." she forced a laugh out of her before smiling back up at Thomas.
"It looked.. It looked a little more serious than just swapping Christmas plans Donna. And what was that kiss about?"
"We were under mistletoe and Louis wouldn't shut up about the ramifications if we didn't kiss." Thomas chuckled at that "now that I believe." Donna let out a sigh of relief before Thomas spoke up again. "But before that Donna, what were you talking about?"
Donna was about to repeat her statement when he cut her off. "Don't tell me it wasn't serious because you looked so sad back there and Harvey looked.. Well he looked.. Yearnful."
Donna felt a pang in her heart at that description.
She took a large gulp of champagne before placing her now empty drink on the table.
"You know I had the most perfect Christmas this year. We did everything I've ever wanted." Thomas smiled bashfully at her words, his hand landing gently on her waist keeping her nearby as they rested near the bar stools.
"You went to the theatre with me and actually enjoyed it." She chuckled slightly as she continued on, "You took me to that lodge and made it so much fun. You got me the most beautiful christmas tree as a present for my apartment and you helped me decorate it, you sang christmas carols with me whenever I wanted to," her voice had a twinge of hysteria to it and perhaps she shouldn't have had that third champagne glass."-you've given me so many fun surprises this past month, you were amazing in bed, you want to introduce me to your parents in Colorado, you let me meet your extended family like it was a given at that cabin upstate, you have literally given me the christmas of my dreams when I never even knew it was something I wanted."
"You're perfect for me." She whispered the sentiment tears nearly sprung in her eyes and Thomas's face extorted from a blissed out smile to a confused frown. "Why do you say it like its-"
"Like what?" she asked hoarsely, trying to keep her wits about her.
"Like that upsets you. Everything you just said it sounded like - it sounded like you were comparing."
"Thomas," she begged, for him to stop asking or for him to get it without her saying it out loud she wasn't sure.
His hand fell off her waist, and Donna blinked back tears.
"No donna it did. You're comparing what we have to something you don't have with him aren't you?"
Donna sniffled. "You have no idea how much I wanted to want you, for it to be you."
Thomas cursed under his breath and sighed. "Donna, I- I love you."
"I love you too Thomas. But I've loved him for longer and I think," she let out a shaky breath, her words falling out rough and rumbled as she tried controlling her shaking chords. "I think I'm still in love with him."
Thomas clenched his jaw and avoided his eyes from hers, and Donna felt her breath hitch at the hurt she just caused him, written all over his face.
Harvey Specter has ruined yet another relationship of hers.
"So that's it then?" he asked with a ring of desperation to his wobbly voice.
"It wouldn't be fair to you, if it went on for any longer. And you deserve far better than me Thomas." Her heart clenched itself tightly as she spoke the words, struggling not to let her eyes water as she ended the only relationship she'd ever felt so close to being The One.
"Okay then." he said warily, before exhaling and meeting her eyes once more. "Goodbye Donna."
"Bye Thomas." She choked out. Thomas leaned down to give her a kiss goodbye. It was bittersweet and short. And it still didn't have an ounce of the flutters Harvey's little kiss on the cheek gave her.
Donna hastily rubbed a tear off her cheek and turned around, going back to her original plan and walking out the wide front doors, making her way down the lobby and up the elevator to go to the rooftop.
She was shaking all over as she stepped off the elevator and onto the rooftop, and it wasn't because she was dumb enough to be on the rooftop during the cold harsh Manhattan winter wearing nothing but a sleeveless white god damn gown.
She couldn't stop her tears, and shaky limbs as she took in what a disaster tonight had been.
She stared out at the city lights hoping to draw some comfort from her favorite view.
Two minutes in, she heard the elevator ding once more, signalling someone's arrival.
She didn't have to look back to guess whose shoes were crunching the loose rubble of the rooftop.
"I unring the bell ok? I unring the god damn bell I take it back I know I said I love you but I take it back!" Harvey yelled at her.
Donna couldn't believe Harvey's ability to still come out on top, even on the night she broke up with her first serious boyfriend in years, the perfect man for her, and Harvey still managed to beat him at making her absolutely miserable, his words causing her heart to break in a way it just hadn't earlier on.
Donna felt her shoulders shake and she let out a breathy exhale trying to control her body, not wanting Harvey to catch on to her crying state.
"Please, just go!"
"No! I'm taking it back ok I know I can't but I am- I rescind the damn I love you if it gets you back in my life. I just want my best friend back. Donna please."
Donna felt herself get frustrated at Harvey's words, felt anger and resentment build up in her chest so fast at his cowardice as he took the easy way out, just minutes after she wrecked her own life because of him.
"What about what I want?" Donna yelled as she whirled around to face him.
"What- What do you want?" He pleaded.
"I want you to be honest! I want you to own whatever the hell it is you feel and stick with it! Just tell me the truth, damn it you owe me that much respect. Today of all days, I mean it's the holidays right? Time to be merry, and.. Truthful and all that crap!"
"The truth? You want the truth Donna here it is." His words were harsh, a sharp rigid determination to them he only over gets it when he's gearing up to win a fight.
Donna braced herself for whatever was going to come out of his mouth now, her arms leaning on the ledge, not caring that her white oscar del la renta was likely covered in soot as she leaned her back on the wall.
His hands expelled outwardly with his confession, hopelessly falling out of his coat as he shrugged in defiance.
"I have been in love with you for years. Except I've been so god damn terrified of this exact fucking scenario where I fuck it up because I don't know what love really is, and I push you away and I lose my best friend in the fucking world- in the process. I know how to function without you now, god knows Paula was a mistake in many ways, but if there was one silver lining she helped me figure out how to survive without you- without having full blown panic attacks terrorizing my body every single day if you're not in them. But I still fucking love you, and even if I don't need you anymore I still want you. All the damn time. And that hasn't stopped in foruteen years and it won't stop in another fourteen years because you're it for me Donna. You've been it for a long time now, but I didn't want to admit it because I didn't want to complicate this. And you can stand there and pretend I'm the only one to blame here, but that is not fucking true because you were scared too."
"That is not-"
Harvey spoke over her, his voice louder as he was practically shouting across the rooftop, over her voice and the loud gusts of wind in the air. "You were scared too, Donna. You set the rules, you avoided talking about us for years, if I ever so much as even hinted about us going anywhere, you'd deflect, and run away too. And maybe I did that more than you did recently, but you played a part in this too. We both enabled the worst in each other when it came to being something more. But I really wanted it. And I think there were times you wanted it too. And I get that I'm late. I get that I hurt you more than I ever should have." His voice was hoarse now, from the yelling or the topic she wasn't sure, but her eyes were definitely crying now and it wasn't from the harsh winter wind.
"And I never meant to, please believe me when I say that was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me forever, and I'm sorry I just ruined your night tonight on one of your favorite holidays. But I miss you, Donna. More than anything I miss you as my best friend. And I know Kessler is, fucking perfect for you."
Donna felt her nose sting and her chin wobble at Harvey's words and the fact that he was definitely crying now too, his eyes misty and words choked out and soft like she had converted him back to a lost helpless boy. She hadn't seen him cry since the last argument they had over Thomas at his office when they thought he was going to lose his license because of her actions.
"He's a great guy Donna. Better than the others. Better than me." he chuckled humorlessly. "And If he makes you happy that's all I want for you. So I take it back. Just please, give me my best friend back."
Donna exhaled as her shaky hand clasped her wet cheeks trying to wipe away the tears off her face.
She stared at Harvey and debated on what to say next.
Harvey simply stared back his body, losing its adrenaline as he let out one tired breath after the other.
Just as he opened his mouth to say something Donna finally found the words she wanted to say.
"I will always be your best friend."
Harvey swallowed, fear in his eyes at what she was about to say next.
"I will always want to get those calls at midnight when you need someone and at six am when the day hasn't even started. I will always want you around, for the bad things that happen to me and the great things for me to celebrate." She took a step forward at every word she uttered, trying to bridge the space between them literally and metaphorically.
"I'll always want to be there for you, good times and bad. And If I have learned anything over these past thirteen years is that feeling won't ever go away."
Harvey's jaw was clenched so tight Donna's own muscle felt the ache as she stared at his rigid form, clearly not getting where she was going with this, bracing himself for her to gently let him down.
She was finally a breath away from him again, looking into his warm brown eyes.
"And I'm done trying to fight those feelings. You were right."
"Come again?" Harvey joked at the rarity of her ever admitting wrong-doing or praising him.
Donna laughed at his ability to diffuse a stressful situation.
"I was- am to blame too. I'm no better than you when it comes to addressing our relationship." she shrugged her bare shoulders before letting her hand take his.
"I'm sorry too. For all the hurt I've caused you. And I'm sorry It took me so long too." She felt her eyes resume their crying for what felt like the hundredth time, and she let out a disgruntled breath at that fact, sick of her body's reaction to what could only be deemed as the most dramatic Christmas firm event ever.
Harvey's hands circled around her waist as he gently pulled her chest against his, his other hand brushing his thumb over her cheek lovingly wiping away her tears.
Goosebumps appeared yet again all over her body and she was sure the culprit was Harvey once again.
"Don't apologize," he murmured, eyes staring down at her lips, "We're both idiots." Donna let her arms slowly make their way to Harvey's broad shoulders, resting lightly on them as she caged herself within his embrace.
"Well, you might be the bigger idiot though." She stated as she got closer in his embrace
"How so?"
She cocked her head to the side, "Are you still…" she rolled her eyes at her earlier metaphor "unringing the bell?" she teased as her fingers found the short strand of the back of his head.
Harvey's face for the first time all night had her favorite Cheshire cat-like grin on his face as he looked deep into her eyes.
"Oh no, I'm letting that bell ring loud and proud tonight." Donna felt her own face split into a wide grin she tried controlling. "Ok then, guess we're still tied on our idiocy."
"Not really, I think you're winning right now." Donna frowned, not picking up on his thoughts till he put some space between them, tugging his jacket sleeves off himself. "You came to the rooftop dressed in that in our coldest winter in years."
Despite his scolding tone, Donna picked up on his appreciative look as he took in her exposed skin in the dress.
She rolled her eyes before taking his jacket anyways. She wouldn't admit it but she was freezing up there. "Let's go back inside." He guided her with his arm around her waist, ushering her back into the elevator.
As she rubbed her palms together trying to warm them back to life, she shoved them into his deep suit pockets hoping their warmth would radiate to her, when her right hand rustled against something.
Donna looked to her side, taking in Harvey's side profile that was still grinning like a mad man, proud of how the night was turning around. The elevator opened up to them and they both stood facing the closing door.
She let her long fingers wrap around the item still encased in his suit pocket. "So, you were pretty brave up there, finally confessing your feelings."
Harvey looked back at her, "Yeah I guess I was."
"Were you really worried I wasn't going to reciprocate?"
"I mean I knew there was something there, obviously, but I didn't think you'd want to chance it anymore. I thought I was too late."
Donna hummed her response, before turning her body to face him fully. "So, you thought tonight might've ended a little differently?"
Harvey hesitated, unsure what to say next. "I mean of-"
"What was your plan going to be if I had still denied my feelings?" Donna asked as the elevator dinged once more signalling it was on the 40th floor, when they were going back down to the 30th.
"Well I-" Donna backed Harvey up to the end of the elevator, his back hitting the wall as she rested her entire length against his.
She saw him swallow loudly and smirked up at him. "Was it maybe to get me to kiss you again under the mistletoe?" She let her eyes wander upwards, and Harvey followed her gaze to see the mistletoe he'd stashed earlier in a hurry before following Donna up to the roof.
Harvey shook his head at her antics, amusement shining in his eyes in disbelief at how she was still one step ahead of him even now.
He refused to entertain her. Even if she had her leg slightly tease him as it rubbed up his ankle and calf, her vanilla perfume invading every one of his senses and her eyes had never been this bright and happy, this up close to him. He tried holding his ground.
"Did you think the power of Christmas was going to persuade me?" Donna teased. "Was a mistletoe going to get us finally together Mr. Specter?" His name dripped off her tongue sultrily, and he knew she was trying to be funny but her chest- braless and freezing- against his own, her hair mussed from the wind, and her freckles up close and personal was enough for him to get a hard on at her flirtatious yet mocking words.
"Give me a little credit, it would've been me not the mistletoe that finally convinced you." He mumbled, eyes a shade darker, arms automatically wrapping around her back, keeping her close.
"Oh? how so-" Donna's last words were stolen away from as Harvey finally kissed her under the mistletoe. Lips fervently latching onto one another as Harvey poured all his persuasive feelings into her mouth, practically spelling out how he loved her.
Donna moaned into the kiss as his tongue invaded her mouth, his lips fitting against hers in a way they never fit with anyone else.
Her hand still had the mistletoe above his head, and her body was slowly going slack against his as Harvey expertly lit up all her arousal zones, hands roaming her curves, lips wandering away from her mouth and across her neck, his dick clearly making its presence known against her stomach as they grinded against one another. Harvey hissed as he let his arm go up her shaking ribs, caressing under her breast and over her taut nipples before letting his mouth find hers again, his other arm finding its way to clutch the skirt of her dress and ride it up so his hands can feel her cool porcelain skin- when suddenly the elevator doors opened.
He was set on ignoring it, eyes still closed enjoying the taste of Donna Paulsen freely for the first time in over a decade when Louis Litt's shrieks rang his ear drums and he felt Donna stiffen against him, as his entire body felt like it was drenched in cold water.
"Oh my god you guys! Youre- what about- Sheila do you see this! This is my doing oh my god-"
"Louis this is not you're doi-" Donna kicked his leg as she left his side, feeling mortified at being caught two minutes away from full blown sex with Harvey at the elevators not even half an hour after breaking up with someone.
As she slid off him, fixed her hair and ignored her warm cheeks, Harvey's hand reassuringly found hers squeezing it as he directed Louis's attention back at him."You're right Louis, this is all your doing. You're the reason we're finally together."
Donna stifled a giggle at Louis's expression, his eyes wide and his brows raised up to the tip of his bald head.
"Harvey, you're actually giving me credit for making you this happy?" Louis slurred his sentence with a high pitch fevered exclaim. "For making my best friends together- this is- too much." He blabbered on, his eyes getting misty at the fact. "You finally get- you're," he hiccupped, "the best thing for each other."
Donna felt both honored and horrified at Louis's reaction.
"Louis, I think it's time to go home.'' Sheila said soothingly as she patted his back, understanding how overwhelming this must be for him, but also at her wits end with the roller coaster he'd been on all night.
"I need- a day. No, a week. I'll see you guys after Hunnukah." Before Donna and harvey could even get off the elevator, Louis bombarded them by running into their way and forcing them into a group hug.
They stumbled back into the elevator, Louis barricading them with his bear hug, practically slamming them against the wall as they found themselves in a three way hug.
Harvey looked at Donna from across Louis's head, eyes wide and bewildered at where the night ended up. Donna giggled as she mouthed the words "hug him back".
Harvey patted louis's back a few times before mumbling "not exactly who I want to be up against right now but whatever."
"They do say the more the merrier." Donna teased and Harvey shuddered. "Don't even joke about that."
Just as Louis's tight grip on them felt like it was loosening up, the elevator doors shut inexplicably and lightened up to indicate going up a few floors.
"Louis!" They yelled as they realized he somehow slammed the buttons with his clumsy drunken stupor before his attack hug.
"I'm sorry-" he muffled against their necks and shoulders. "Lets just hug till we reach the right floor again."
Harvey sighed before shoving himself away from Louis and grabbing Litt's offending arms off Donna. "Or let's just be normal and wait calmly till the elevator is back on the floor."
Donna hit the 30th button and bit her cheek to not start deliriously laughing at how the night was unravelling, feeling a bit like she was stuck in a fever dream.
Louis seemed to have calmed down as he was left standing in the middle resting his weight against the wall.
Donna smiled across to Harvey who was at the further corner, and he grinned back at her, clearly sharing her thoughts.
Donna felt the flutters rise back up inside her as she took in just how happy and flustered, she made the great Harvey Specter, who looked even more delicious with his hair all a mess thanks to her straying hands, lips mussed with red, smile lines all around and a sparkle in his eyes she hadn't seen in a long time.
"Oh my god you guys look mis- mistletoe!" Louis exclaimed with the branch up over his head.
"Shut up Louis!"
Donna grinned at their in-sync reaction, smiling at Harvey's annoyed look settling on his face before he resumed smirking at Donna.
Maybe Louis knew how to plan the perfect Christ- Winter Wonderland Party afterall. Mistletoe and all.
