Chapter V: Life, and Death


4 years in...


"...Hhhuuuuuhhhh..."

I released a slow breath as I centered my bow on a decent-sized black bear meandering up to a flowing river, the evening summer sky emitting a warm glow over the flourishing landscape. Though I felt the warmth on my skin, it did not reach my heart, ultimately.

Thwip!

As I loosed the arrow, it flew across the open grassy plains with a high-pitched whistle, before slamming into the thick, barreled neck of the black bear. It roared with ferocity, looking around wildly for its assailant. It would not find me; I had spent much of the day hidden within a thick brush that overlooked the large clearing the bear was in.

I slowly sucked in the frigid air as I lodged another arrow in the compound bow, quickly but silently raising the bow and loosing the arrow at the bear.

Thunk!

The bear slumped lifelessly as the arrow pierced through its eye and into its brain. After the tense moment, the air became still and quiet again, as the sounds of nature gradually overtook the morose silence. I sighed in relief, grateful that no confrontation came from this. I would not have enjoyed any sort of close combat with a bear.

Shouldering my bow, I groaned as I got up from my hours-long still position; my joints were aching and my body was partially-numb from the lack of movement. I grunted in minor pain and frustration as I felt the leftmost back part of my neck strain, and cursed nature for making hunting such a painstaking task.

Walking over to the bear's body, I wasted no time unsheathing my knife and sticking it into its fur; sliding the blade of the knife between the outer muscle and inner fur lining, so as to skin the animal. It was a laborous process, but as I finally wrapped up the bloodied pelt, I admired my handiwork; For all the years I'd spent hunting and scavenging, I had mastered many of the skills I'd gained, and that brought not only wisdom, but invaluable experience that allowed me to make the most out of even incredibly dire situations.

Strapping the pelt to my backpack, I inspected the now-skinned body of the bear, salivating at the abundant meat I had managed to get. I remember only eating bear meat once more, and recalled it tasting as gamey as venison, if not a little sweeter-

Hwooooooooo...!


(Music: "Hooves", by Elephant Music)


I felt a terrible chill run down my spine; The sounds of a moose, but...

Far more feral-sounding. Like...

HWOOOOO!

"AAAAAH!"

I cried out in fear -one of the rare moments in my life where I expressed such blatant terror- as a giant silhouette was stalking me from within the thick underbrush of the nearby woods; The setting sun threw an ominous shade of crimson red over the landscape, and I could only witness in horror as the behemoth emerged from the thicket, and I saw it to be a massive moose.

I studied its features, and my fear only grew proportionally with each second. Its hide was covered in numerous lacerations, gashes, scars and embedded spikes, and fungal growth plates protruded from every part of its body; Its eyes were bloodshot and wily, its mouth filled with overly-grown fangs and jagged teeth, blood and mucus seeping from its maw; Its horns were twisted and jagged, as if having been through countless battles before. The sounds it made were horrific, like a raging bull and a feral cat were mixed together in a morbid cacophony of screams and aggressive roaring.

HWOOOOO-REAAAUUUGGGHH!

For the first time in my life, I felt paralyzed with terror- The sheer size of this beast was otherworldly; It was almost as large as a minibus, and easily towered over my tiny figure. The monstrously aggressive aura of death and decay that emanated from it was nauseating.

I had little time to just barely avoid getting gored by the charging monster, and cried out in pain as the moose's horns sideswiped me, the sheer force of the blow sending me careening through the air and tumbling across the ground. I groaned in aching pain as minor bruises swelled up around my body, and gasping for air as the wind had been entirely knocked out of me.

Yet still, I had little time to react as the monstrous moose turned on its heel and continued charging at me; This time, I had managed to clumsily unholster my sidearm, and blasted the wild beast as many times as I could.

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-

CRACK!


(Music: "Beast of the Blood Eaters", by Kevin Riepl)


Once more, I had just barely dived past the monstrous spikes of the moose's horns, and it once again swung its head to the side, slamming into my torso and sending me flying through the air; I cried out several times in brutal pain, cursing in multitudes as I rapidly tumbled across the grass, until coming to an abrupt stop. This time, there was a burning pain in my arm; I feared I had fractured or, worse, broken a few bones from the impact.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cursed in mounting pain and heightened fear; Not only was my body seizing up from the blunt force that'd been inflicted to it, but I was shaking uncontrollably; Both in near-paralyzing terror and from the lack of control I felt I had over this situation. Through the vast majority of my journey, despite the hardships and dreadful encounters, I at least felt I had a relatively decent chance against the environment and hostiles. Whether it was through sneaking and deceiving, or just pure brute force, I had managed to get myself out of even the most harrowing situations.

And yet, in this very moment, I felt that even my morbid grit to survive would not overcome this fantastical beast of a monster; I had just unloaded my gun into its face, and it continued in its morbid onslaught to kill me. And yet, despite my hesitation, the deformed monster continued in its relentless assault against me. It was only through narrow evasion and quick reaction that I had avoided being entirely gored by the beast and tossed like a bloodied ragdoll.

Eventually, I noticed something in particular that gave me a hopeful idea for surviving this ordeal; Kiting the bloodied monster, I managed to position myself in front of a dead tree with a jagged end that jutted somewhat into the air. Watching the moose with mounting anxiety, I could feel nothing but near-abject terror as I stood still, waiting for the moose to charge close enough.

As it barreled within only a meter or two of distance between us, I dove out of the way wildly, as the monstrous moose careened uncontrollably into the jagged spike of the tree log.

SCHK!

I released several hyperventilating breaths as I watched the beast squirm around wildly as its torso was partially-impaled by the fractured log, rendering it unable to move. It snorted and roared and raged in such a frightening manner as its feral eyes remained solely trained on me. I took a moment to summon my strength of will, and got up from the ground with loud groaning, still aching from the earlier injuries.

I limped over towards the beast, unholstering my sidearm once more; This time loading in a full clip. Shoving the magazine back into the Beretta, I got just within a few feet of the raging monster, leveling the firearm at the center of its head.

BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG! BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG! BANG-Click-Click-Click-Click.

I released a shaky exhale as my arms shook uncontrollably from fear; It was only after the twelth shot that the beast of a moose finally went limp.

Twelve point-blank shots to the head.

...

As I lowered the gun, I stared at the now fully-dead behemoth of a moose that lay impaled on the fractured tree. A mixture of emotions went through my head; Initially the exhilaration of surviving this terrifying encounter and slaying such a beast, only to be quickly followed by a wave of mounting dread.

The Infection had spread. I now had to deal with Infected Animals.

As the year went on, I became increasingly despairing of my circumstances as more and more of these Infected animals began to spread amongst the regions I traveled around. With each hunt, I began finding myself shooting Infected deer or antelope, or being suddenly attacked by predators with overgrown growth plates jutting from their faces and bodies; Each time, my desperation for food grew, and thus hunting went from the safest route for gathering food to the most dangerous.

I had only later learned that the Infected animals had come about only because human factions had spent the previous year tracking down large hordes of Infected and cutting them down, leaving their bodies behind to decay in the ground. Except, the Infection had done no such thing as its bodily hosts had. Curious animals and hungry predators began quickly falling upon the plentitude of fresh meat, and the Infection had somehow evolved to spread its infection to animals. Considering the massive amounts of dead Infected left behind in the wake of these cullings, it was no surprise that Infected animals began popping up everywhere.

After only a few weeks of this relentless onslaught, I was forced to steal from human encampments once more. Except this time, I did not have the luxury of targeting the more sinister and diabolical factions like the Cannibals and Hunters; Even the more innocent families and peaceful farming settlements were not spared from my petty theft. Eventually, I knew my luck in remaining undetected would falter; During my silent raid of supplies from a small settlement called Seilo, I was spotted by a young man looking to take an apple from the storage unit.

I could not hesitate; As soon as he froze, seeing the shock and fear in his eyes, I wasted no time rushing him and stabbing my blade through his neck, to prevent him from screaming for help. Only for a second did I see that frightful, desperate agony in his eyes that came with the realization of death, before I sprinted out the door to escape. For the meager supplies I'd been able to take, it was not worth the consequences of my ventures, as the very next year proved to me.


5 years in...


Skrritch.

Skrrritch.

Skrrrritch.

The edge of the blade slid across the whetstone in my hand, sharpening with every metal rasp. No longer did thoughts of peace or serenity ever pass my mind; Were it not filled with constant paranoia of being tracked down by bounty hunters or ambushed by Infected, or caught in a trap laid by Hunters, or even that I would just slip on something and break my neck...

Perhaps there would have been some serenity to think of. But that simply was not the case.

"Yeah, I heard the bastard's lying around this area."


(Music: "Stalking", by Gustavo Santaolalla)


Lying low in the fauna of the forest, I heard the voices of bounty hunters sent after me and those like me- survivors that were stealing from encampments due to the Infected animal crisis. It had become such a problem in these regions that factions were hiring these kinds of posses to chase us down and kill us. I had seen more than my fair share of executions in the wilderness, as these posses would round up these petty thieves, ranging from cold-blooded murderers to starving children, and kill them en masse; Leaving their bodies to rot in the wild.

There likely would have been a point in time in the past where I would have been horrified by these sights, and likely lost more than just sleep from it. And yet, through the horrors I had seen in all of my years, this was simply another cautionary tale to keep in mind.

I waited for the posse to pass -I wanted to avoid bringing attention to myself whenever possible- and got up from my position, moving down the trail. These conditions were intolerable, and with no ability to hunt nor steal from encampments without massive risk, I had nowhere else to turn.

Sometime halfway into the year, I was fortunate enough to come upon a Firefly settlement; A rarity to see in the Northwest of the country. It quickly dawned on me that, through all the settlements and factions I had come to hostilities with, this was likely the only faction that I had good standing with.

As I came upon the settlement, there was immediate caution from them; More than enough guns were pointed at my face, and the manner with which I was treated was less than cordial, but it must have been only by my sheer stupid fucking luck that one of the members of the camp seemed to think me familiar, and after being brought in for long-winded questioning, she seemed to suspect something.

"Y-You're that kid! From Pittsburgh!" She stuttered, almost in incredulity, her eyes widening in sheer awe. "You... were bit... right?"

She said this as she looked over my skin; The numerous scars, marks and gashes that covered my body completely seemed to sow doubt in her mind, though. In this same vein, while I knew of my immunity, I did not want to become an experiment for these bastards. Through my time in traveling, I had already come to realize that I was likely an incredibly rare case when it came to infections, and since I had also heard of the Firefly's attempts at finding a 'cure', I had no interest in contributing to their war effort.

Though the first bite I'd ever received was on my hand, it was practically disguised underneath the litany of old scars that laced across my arms, hands, torso, legs and face. I used this, along with the woman's seeming doubt of past events, to my advantage.

"No, I don't believe so." I said simply. I had no conversational nor social skills, and I didn't bother to learn any, either. Practically all of my life required me to focus on other, more necessary talents. "I need shelter here."

The woman, of fair skin and blonde hair with an athletic physique, seemed to be taken aback by my sudden switching of topics; Nonetheless, the doubt in her mind seemed to win, and she lowered her head in disappointment.

"Damn it..." She muttered, spending a few moments in somber silence. Eventually, she raised her head again, this time with a grim gaze set on me. "Alright, then. You want shelter and food? You'll have to work for it."


I spent the first few days of my time in the settlement helping out with labor, and when I had built enough trust with them all, I was assigned to sentry duty. I spent many days and nights on those elevated stands, looking over the beauty of the environment without having to feel the anxiety and paranoia that accompanied me when I traveled. Now, I was behind reinforced walls, with other people who would lend a hand to protect me if I needed it.

In those few weeks I had spent with the settlement... I felt emotions, revelations and experiences I had never felt before in my life. In the silence of the night, it was common for me to break down sobbing for seemingly no reason at all, or to have emotional outbursts at even the slightest inconveniences. Truth be told, I had been thrown off my routine of survival- And now, with all of this free time and no more need to think about where I would get my next meal, I was quickly entrenched in emotional turmoil.

There so many thoughts that passed through my head in this short span of time:

Do I trust these people? Do I keep staying with them in the long-term? What do I do from here? What do I do from here?

What... do I do from here?

That question picked at my mind the most, out of all the others. Now that I was able to think freely and without mounds of stress, I was rendered almost immobile by the freedom of choice I now had. I had no goals, no great ambitions to fulfill, no journeys to set upon-

"I heard one of our guys up north talking about that bastard, Joel."

...

...

...


(Music: "Chasing A Rumor", by Gustavo Santaolalla)


I listened in on the conversation happening next to me, as I sat at the small bar within the settlement; my nerves alight with a sensation that was completely alien to me.

"No shit?"

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' telling you. They saw his ass and that fuckin' girl moving around Wyoming. They must have a settlement there or some shit."

It took an insane amount of willpower to prevent myself from grabbing this fuck by his skull and screaming a swarm of questions at him. I glimpsed his face momentarily, to memorize his features so I could later speak with him more... privately.

The topic was only a passing subject in their conversation, and left me entirely unsatisfied; It was necessary to learn more information about this. Because at this point in time, it felt like fate itself was staring me in the face, telling me what my goal was.

To track down the bastard that left my mother and I to die.


I waited until nightfall to stalk the young man, named Eric, as he drunkenly made his way back to his home. The world must have been wanting to work in my favor, as he decided to take a quick piss break in a particularly-shaded area of the outskirts of the settlement. I took this chance to smack him in the side of the head with the butt of my handgun; He initially did not drop unconscious, but before he could call out for help in his inebriation, I smacked the butt of the gun across his jaw solidly, this time sending him to the ground unconscious.

I dragged his body to a nearby dilapidated shack that was far enough away from the settlement that no one would reasonably hear the screams that could come from it. Locking the door firmly, I tied up Eric in a dusty chair, and waiting patiently for him to wake up.

As I sat there waiting, I reflected on my goal once more. It had taken years for me to develop this deeply-embedded, seething resentment against Joel, my 'father'. In my younger years, I did not fully understand much about family, and so I had no idea as to what I should think of him.

But as I grew up, and began to have more encounters and experiences in my travels, I had plenty of time to reflect on my past, and to develop a slow-burning rage against the person who was supposed to keep my mother and I alive. The questions of why he had left had turned into silent accusation against him, and even wrathful hatred of his absence.

Had he been there, my mother would still be with me today.

Had he been there, I could have avoided going through all of this torment.

Had he been there, we could have lived

A happy. Fucking. Life.

And just as Eric began to stir from his unconscious state, my deeply-entrenched anger furthered my conviction in what I was about to do next.

"Wh...Wha...?" Eric mumbled; His panic increased rapidly as he began to take notice of his surroundings, and myself standing across from him with a handgun and hunting knife. "Jack...? What the... fuck?! What the HELL-"

I quickly moved to gag his mouth with the scarf around his neck, pressing my gun against the side of his head to force his cooperation. He went limp, signaling his compliance, as I fully stuffed the scarf in his mouth and stood across from him once more. I had not covered my face, and I felt no need to- I intended to leave this place as soon as I got the information I needed.

"You will answer my questions when I ungag you." I said simply to him, in a low but menacing tone. "Understand?"

Eric nodded frantically, his eyes filled with a primal fear; I had once known that same situation, through the multiple times I'd been captured and (often) tortured by others. The feeling was eventually lost on me. But certainly not on Eric.

"Okay." I started, removing his gag. "What do you know about Joel's whereabouts?"

"Uh-um..." Eric started, trying to gather his words. "I-I don't know why you tied me up for this, Jack! We all want that sumbitch dead, so why are you-?"

Smack!

"AAH, FUCK!"

Eric cried out in pain as I smacked the butt of the gun across his cheek, leaving a cut that bled down his face. His fear multiplied, as he now viewed me with renewed terror.

"WH-WHAT, JACK?! WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME OVER THIS?!"

"TELL me what I want to KNOW." I hissed at him, almost unable to control my wrath. "NOW."

"O-Okay!" He said with clear fright. "U-Um, I don't know much myself! I just- I'd heard news from my friend who's in a patrol around Wyoming! I don't know the whereabouts of Joel, myself! Honest to God, I swear!"

I grit my teeth in frustration- I had no reason to doubt his words. After all, he'd shown about the same level of knowledge on this at the bar as he did here.

"Alright, then." I stated. "Tell me where your 'friend' lives at."

Eric's demeanor changed- he became more indignant.

"The fuck? You can't expect me to do that, Jack-!"


(Music: "Ashani", by Elephant Music)


He faltered mid-sentence, as his eyes met mine- and he seemed to realize that I was not giving him room to compromise.

"Jack, I'm telling you man, I can't- AAAAAAAA-MMMMMPPPPFFFFFF!"

His next sentence was interrupted by my stabbing him in the top part of his thigh with my hunting knife; His screams of bloody murder were quickly cut off by my forceful gagging of his mouth with the scarf once more. I grabbed him by his curly hair, baring my teeth at him.

"If any words come out of your mouth that isn't the immediate information of your friend's location, you will know pain."

Eric's eyes darted from side to side like a frantic rabbit looking for an escape route; Only to realize he had none. I waited a few moments, then took out his scarf gag once more.

"I-I..." He muttered, as if conflicted with what to say. However, he seemingly made up his mind as I brought the knife close to his face, letting the blade run down his cheek; He sucked in air rapidly in fright as blood began to flow from the cut I was opening on his face. "OKAY! Okay, fuck! Alright... I..."

He seemed to hesitate for a few more moments, before speaking once more.

"He-He's based out of a small settlement in Indiana! It's called 'Semington'! Now please, I don't know anything more than that!"

I considered the prospect of further torturing Eric to see if he was lying about the whereabouts, but I realized there was a more deceitful tactic to use.

"Very well." I said, standing up and sheathing my knife. "I suppose I'll have to go confirm with Danny."

I saw Eric's eyes light up with panic- Danny was his friend, the person he was talking to at the bar about Joel's whereabouts. He seemed to become mentally anguished as I went for the door to open it.

"W-WAIT!" He urged me, and I stopped as I was about to open the door, a slight, but wicked grin surfacing on my face. I turned around to see what he had to say. "I... I was not telling the truth! It's not called 'Semington'; The settlement- it's named 'Hadley'!"

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to see if he was further lying. However, he continued to insist on this information, assuring me that Danny would say the same. I released a pent-up breath, a newfound conviction flowing through me.

"Thank you, Eric."

As I said this, I quickly moved across the floor and stuck the knife's blade through Eric's throat, silencing his agonized screams of pain and terror. He flailed around wildly in the chair, and as I watched him rattle around desperately, I felt a modicum of remorse; I decided to drag the back end of his chair out the door, opening it and shoving the chair (along with the tied Eric) onto the wet grass; giving him one last sight of the sky before he lay motionless.

Staring at the corpse, I then looked to the outer edges of the town, thinking about what to do next. Rarely did it ever occur to me to bury the bodies I caused, but at this point I wasn't sure if this corpse would change the outcome of my stay here either way. With little regard for it, I left the body as it was, and headed into the settlement to collect my things.


(Music: "The Curse of the Fold", by Shawn James)


Having quickly packed my things up, I wasted no time leaving the settlement, heading down the road towards Indiana; I was lucky enough to steal a map of the Northwest, which detailed roads and trails to follow to reach various towns and cities across the region. Heading down the trail, I looked back once more at the Firefly settlement- despite the short amount of time I'd spent here, a lingering regret hung over me as I left it behind. Though I had contributed to the settlement's overall health, I had killed one of its members and fled without explanation. Especially a settlement that had gone out of its way to take me in and feed and shelter me.

And yet... my goal took my focus away from the settlement. No longer would I worry about settlements, or hostiles, or Infected or innocents or humans or whatever the fuck else came my way.

The only person I needed to find...

Was...

Joel.

And when I found him...

I would kill him.